Going on holidays so I'm updating earlier than I expected to! Hope you're all enjoying! I definitely found this last season the hardest to write, mainly this Tommy / Ailbhe scene but I hope everyone is enjoying it xox Marianne
The telephone rang just past midnight. Ailbhe had been just drifting off, Finn had been asleep for well over an hour. He had passed out mid-sentence as usual. He was working long hours and with Tommy being spread so thin, he was calling in favours with the whole family. Ada had been roped into countless foundation events, representing the Shelby Kennedy family as best she could. Ailbhe had already been juggling roles when she got roped into handling the property and acquisitions sector. Niall had been forced into black tie twice in the last week and he was chomping at the bit. But Tommy needed them and they were there, whether they liked it or not.
She had been in Camden Town to meet with a new potential racehorse trainer and to finalise a budget plan with Liam for the upcoming season. Although Ailbhe was still on the Shelby Kennedy Company Ltd board she, like Ada had extended beyond the family name. Ailbhe worked on charitable organisation boards and committees outside of the family's reach and she liked having her own life. It was nice to not be "the sister" or "the wife", she liked being Ailbhe Kennedy sometimes too since she was a woman valued on her own, not as part of the whole.
But no matter how busy Ailbhe was with her own life, a man with the Shelby name always seemed to pull her back in.
On her way home she had stopped at Tommy and Lizzie's to see Ruby. They swore she was fine, the doctors swore it, the nurses swore it. But Ailbhe couldn't shake the feeling that they were missing something and she had told herself she was going to speak to Curly about it tomorrow. She sat with Ruby for the evening, playing cards and letting her god-daughter teach her more Shelta.
Finn had come home with dark circles under his eyes and no appetite. He found her in the stables and had felt himself sigh in relief. The days seemed longer when they were apart.
They had eaten in the small library, toast and tea just like Polly used to make for them when they had a really bad day. Ailbhe sat on the chaise lounge beside him with her feet in his lap and her hands in his hair. He told her about his day, especially the parts that he knew would make her smile. He listened to her news about Ruby and watched as her shoulders tensed when she spoke of her. But she sighed and shifted closer to him until she was almost in his lap. Finn pulled her into his lap and planted a kiss on his wife, feeling at home again.
He had been asleep for over an hour when Ailbhe realised she might not be able to sleep at all. She was becoming more and more restless at night and the only thing that made her continue the ritual of changing out of her clothes and climbing under the covers was the fact it was the only guaranteed time she got with her husband.
She was running a hand through his hair, down his neck not even sure who it comforted more, but she kept doing it. Flashes of the cursed sapphire and Polly's voice kept her awake, not sure what it all meant. She had arrived home to Finn, a sense of unease in her chest that he promised her wouldn't last but as the clock struck midnight it was still weighing heavy on her chest.
She had just started to switch off and drift asleep when the phone rang. She jumped up, not even rousing Finn until she slid out of the bed, his leg slipping out from between hers and his hand being dropped onto the bed from where it had been resting under her top. Even in his sleep, he reached for her and most nights he fell asleep with his hand cupping her breast and his head nestled in her shoulder, his front plastered to her back.
He jerked awake, his hand reaching for her but he only caught a glimpse of her as she had darted from the room. By the time he had pulled on shorts and followed her down the stairs to the phone, she had already answered it and gotten the news.
Ailbhe's maid, Cara was already there. Although Ailbhe had been against hiring servants, especially a personal lady's maid, Lizzie had talked her into it. It was good for the village, and gave young women a chance at earning their own money and getting out from under their family's roof. It was why Ailbhe had been in charge of the hiring, picking young women who wanted their own life away from their families.
Cara was only twenty years old, with an eager smile and no experience. She was a baker's daughter and knew nothing about being a lady's maid but she learned fast that Ailbhe drank tea with two sugars, liked her lipstick to be more burgundy than red and that she liked a light to be left on if her husband wasn't to come home that night. She learned quickly and never had to be told something twice. Finn hadn't been surprised when the staff, especially Cara became attached to his wife. She had that effect on people therefore, he wasn't surprised that when Ailbhe got bad news, Cara appeared.
"What is it?" Finn demanded, skipping the last few steps of the stairs in an effort to be by her side.
Ailbhe stood by the phone table in the hallway in her undergarments and a robe pulled on in haste. If she hadn't looked so panicked Finn would have objected to anyone seeing her in such little clothing, especially other men. But the colour had drained from her face and she held the earpiece in an iron grip, while her other hand gripped the edge of the table as though to steady herself.
"No... I... I know...I'll be right there"
Ailbhe nodded, emotion catching in her throat as she hung up the phone.
She turned towards Finn, letting him see the glistening in her eyes. It was bad news. No good news came this late at night.
Other servants joined them now, hearing the telephone and fearing the worst.
"What is it?" Finn repeated himself, moving to step towards her.
But she held out her hands in protest, backing away from them and bumping into the table. It was like she was afraid of him. And for the first time in his life, Finn saw what his worst nightmare looked like in person. It made him feel sick to his stomach.
"No don't!" she almost shouted, putting her hand up in front of her mouth and her shaky breath unnerved Finn even more.
"That was Lizzie...They've taken Ruby to hospital, they're saying she has consumption, Finn"
Finn moved forward, his instinct to go to her and comfort her. But a hand grabbed his arm and held him in place.
Looking behind him, it was only the footman, Leo but there was a look in his eyes that Finn didn't understand. Fear.
He moved to jerk his arm from the man's grip, but he was only held tighter.
"What the fuck do you think you're - "
He began, but Ailbhe interrupted him.
"Finn! Ruby has been sick for weeks... I've been with her every minute I've had spare... I could... I could be sick too"
Finn hadn't processed what she had said. But the words brought it all back.
Consumption. Finn remembered the disease spreading through Watery Lane when he was a child. Queues of people coughing into blood-stained hankies and the rattling cough that came with the disease. No cure, certainly not for the people who couldn't afford it. Like any disease, it sliced through Small Heath and claimed the lives of young and old, weak and strong caring little for who it took.
"But..."
Finn wasn't sure what he was protesting or what he could say. But he knew that Ailbhe had to go. And he wasn't happy about it.
"She has to get checked by the doctors, Mr Shelby"
Cara's soft voice was anything but comforting now. Ailbhe could be sick. She could have consumption. People die from consumption all the time. She could die. Ailbhe could die. His wife could die from a disease that didn't even let him say goodbye and he would be left in this world without her.
He had never been able to think about this possibility for long, praying that if there was a God then they would have the compassion to let Finn die first because he knew he wouldn't last a day without her.
"I'm fine, Finn... I'm sure I'm fine..."
She nodded, taking two more steps back and trying to offer him some reassurance with a smile. But it was void and cold. It wasn't her smile. Not the smile that lit her face when he came home nor the one when he made a cheeky or cocky comment, not even the fake one she wore when she met with Tommy's associates or the company's clients. It was the one she wore when she didn't believe what she was saying.
"Alv" He protested, stepping forward but now Cara pulled his other arm and rooted him in place.
He didn't like it. Not one bit. He hated when people who weren't Ailbhe touched him, especially their hands on his bare skin.
"Mr Shelby, if Mrs Shelby is sick she has to be kept away... she could make you sick... she could infect the whole household... please Mr Shelby"
In truth, it was the thought that Ailbhe couldn't bear if she made the servants sick that stopped him. Finn couldn't have cared less if Ailbhe made him or anyone else sick so long as she was well.
"I have to go... Ruby... she's my... she's going to be so frightened"
Ailbhe wanted nothing more than to reach for him.
"I'll telephone from the hospital, Finn... I'm fine"
She hated nothing more than leaving him but if there was a chance she was sick, she wouldn't risk it. Finn had pneumonia as a child, followed by whooping cough two winters in a row while the boys were in France. Ailbhe remembered it as the two Christmases she had to spend without Aunt Pol and Finn. It was a contagious disease and had left Finn with lungs weaker than most. If he was to catch consumption, even at his age it could kill him. And Ailbhe would not risk it.
"Just... be careful okay..."
There was something utterly heartbreaking in the way he said it. Finn Shelby was a dangerous and frightening man. That's what people said, that's what people knew for a fact. She understood why. He stood there, tall and domineering commanding the space like he always did. And yet his eyes gave him away. All she saw was the kid whose brothers left him at home for France and never came back the same. It was the teenage boy who Ada left for married life and John and Arthur left for the countryside after the family split.
More than anything, Finn Shelby didn't want to be left. And Ailbhe had promised she never would.
But she took one last look at him and turned away from him, not wanting him to see how scared she really was.
*
The doctors were quick, promising her she could be allowed in to see Ruby once they had given her scans a proper look. She was tense and on edge, feeling like her skin was crawling and her legs were restless. She paced the waiting room, glad it was empty. The doctors had asked her questions, told her she couldn't see Ruby yet and that she had to stay calm. They had reassured her that it was unlikely she was ill since she hadn't shown any symptoms yet but they wanted to be certain.
"Is there any chance you are pregnant, Mrs Shelby?"
It was an easy question, one that she assumed was routine for women of a certain age or married women. As a woman who didn't use any preventative measures and someone who couldn't keep her hands off her husband, the obvious answer was yes. There was a good chance she could be.
She wasn't sure why, but she had shaken her head.
"No I don't think so"
She had paced the waiting room fourteen times before she needed to take some air.
Tommy was sitting out on the front steps, a cigarette limply hanging between his fingers. She looked at him differently for a moment. She barely remembered a time in her life she didn't know him and she had never really taken any notice of how they had changed. She still pictured Tommy as he was before France. But looking at him then, on the hospital steps and torn between desperation and pain, Ailbhe saw him for the age he really was. He looked tired. Utterly worn out and sick of everything they had to do to keep going.
"Tom?"
Her soft voice pulled Tommy out of his head. His eyes darted up to meet hers. He exhaled in relief when he saw her. She looked well. Worry and anxiety were splashed across her face and her hands were nervously wringing but she wasn't coughing and her face wasn't flushed or feverish.
"How is she?" she asked, thinking only of little Ruby and the coughing she could hear coming through the door of the hospital room.
Tommy gripped his hands together in front of himself, his shoulders tensing and shrugging. He clenched his jaw and looked away from her.
Ailbhe took a seat on the step beside him. He was cold and rigid, probably having been awake all night like she had been.
"Ailbhe, I need you to" His voice broke, catching on the pain he felt in his chest since leaving his daughter "I need you to go to London with Ada if you get the all-clear"
Ailbhe just nodded. She wanted to stay here, with Ruby and Lizzie. But Tommy couldn't go in this state and Ailbhe had to do this for him. She had promised.
And with business taken care of, Ailbhe saw the shield that Tommy held up start to crumble.
"Lizzie says they're going to use gold... if what they're trying doesn't work they'll use gold...But it will make her worse before it makes her better"
Ailbhe didn't want to think about Ruby getting worse. Lizzie had told her how sick she was on the phone. By the sounds of it, Ruby couldn't afford to get any sicker. She was small, underweight from being sick the last few weeks and her cough had weakened her lungs even more. She was fighting back but the disease was stronger than her so far.
Gold.
It had always been about gold. How much they had, how much they could steal, how they got it, where they got it from, who needed it and why.
"It always comes back to gold, Ailbhe"
Tommy was right.
She found herself thinking about her friend. Bonnie Gold. His widow, Jade and her little baby boy. In that case, Gold had seemed like the answer too. Bonnie had seemed like the answer to Jade's whole life. And he was gone too.
"Gold was meant to be enough. It was meant to stop things like this... It was meant to save us"
There was anger and frustration in his whole body, saturating his tone and making his whole frame tense. After everything, all the money in the world wouldn't help little Ruby. It was up to someone else now. It was out of their hands. And after years of being able to control everything, Ailbhe and Tommy were at a complete loss.
"More money, more gold, more fucking sapphires" He cursed, throwing away the cigarette and pushing his hands into his hair.
Ailbhe's chest ached when she saw the pain in his eyes.
"You told me you were dreaming again... And I didn't listen" He snapped, shaking his head and looking down at the ground.
She had told him she was dreaming more now. But Ailbhe always dreamed. And she hated telling Tommy about them as he searched for meaning and warnings relentlessly. Sometimes dreams were just dreams and her feelings were just feelings.
"Tommy, this isn't anyone's fault" Ailbhe tried to speak up, tried to stop her brother from blaming himself for everything as he always did.
But he raised a finger at her, the shake in his hand was the only thing giving away the torture Tommy was living through.
"They wouldn't let me pass, Ailbhe... I should have passed and now they're punishing me, they're punishing me because of everything I've done"
He was a different man to the cold and determined brother who had told her he had no limitations in the doorway of the Garrison. His perfectly blue eyes were almost wild, more of a storm than a sky colour and his whole body was practically vibrating with a fury and a tension that came from having to see his little girl taken out of his reach.
"Tom... no" Ailbhe tried to reason with him, crouching down in front of him to grab onto his arm and squeeze.
"Seán. Barney. Freddie. John. Grace. Bonnie. Barney. Aberama..." Tommy gulped, as though he could barely continue "Polly... and they're going to take Ruby"
Ailbhe knew that this list lived in Tommy's mind. He went through the names and told himself that he had lost them because of his own actions. It was what kept him awake at night.
Seán had been dead a long time but it still haunted him, like all of his decisions that led to the deaths of those he had promised to protect. The three Kennedy brothers and three Shelby brothers had joined up when the war kicked off. Seán was only just eighteen when he landed in France to join his five brothers.
He was small, lean and had a narrow frame which meant he was perfect for tunnelling. Liam and Tommy were already assigned as tunnelers, just like Barney and Freddie. But Tommy went to their General and begged that Seán not be sent down the tunnels with them. He told them that Seán had weak lungs from a bad bout of whooping cough as a child. They seemed sceptical but it had been enough.
Even then he had been trying to protect them. Tommy's request was granted and Seán was sent on scouting missions instead. He was out on a mission when he died. But to Tommy Shelby, it wasn't German soldiers or the war that killed Seán Kennedy, it was his intervention and his lies.
Ailbhe squeezed his forearm, almost to the point where she was sure it hurt. But she wanted him to hear her, to properly listen.
"Tommy, you have to let the doctors fix this... there is nothing you can do"
She begged, knowing that begging didn't work on Tommy Shelby when others had tried. Although, she had never tried it herself so she felt perhaps it was worth a chance.
"There is, Ailbhe. I can do this. I am going to" He grabbed her hand in his and gripped it. Desperation and determination were all she could see in his eyes.
"I need your help"
Ailbhe wasn't sure why the words sounded strange coming from Tommy's lips. He didn't say them, ever really.
It was the statement of a lost child or a helpless victim, not of a politician or a gangster.
But Ailbhe had heard the sentiment from him without those words umpteenth times since before she could remember. He needed help, he came to her and she gave it.
Ailbhe, I need you to come to London with me
I have some documents that I need procuring
Alv, you'll go to Camden Town and meet with them
I need... You have to... You will....
It was never a question. But perhaps that was because there wasn't ever a need for him to even ask.
"Tom, chasing some gypsy curse is not what'll save her!"
She tried to reason with him. She knew what Tommy was planning but Esme had been gone for years and Ailbhe wasn't sure about any curse. But Tommy wasn't listening to reason anymore.
"Ailbhe... I am the cause of this and I will fix it. I need you to reach out to her... you're the only one she still speaks to"
His grip on her hand loosened, knowing it was too tight. He could feel her wedding ring pushing into the palm of his hand but it only reminded him of what Polly had said to him in his dreams, the thing he dreaded having to tell her.
"You know I'll only find her if she wants me to find her... You're the only one of us she still speaks to"
His grip tightened again, not sure he could even control it anymore.
"I haven't been in touch with Esme since last August, Tommy. I don't know where she is or who she's with-"
Tom interrupted her, shaking his head.
"It doesn't matter, she'll let us find her if you ask. She has to"
Ailbhe paused, her lips pursed and brow furrowed as she thought.
"Tom... you don't think this is Esme's doing, she wouldn't..."
She wished she was more certain. Ailbhe could never imagine the Esme she remembered cursing their family. But the woman Ailbhe remembered was full of fire and fun, she had a beautiful life with a husband who adored her and children who were happy and healthy. That had all changed. She was a widow with children and a family who she blamed entirely for the pain she had been caused. She had cursed the Shelby name, saying it was too dangerous to stay around them and took her family on the road.
Ailbhe had found her after a few months, keeping in touch with her as much as Esme would allow. Esme didn't answer her letters but the children said they read them to her and sometimes Esme allowed them to write back. But Ailbhe hadn't seen her since she had left Birmingham after John had died. Ailbhe couldn't believe that Esme would be so cruel to curse a child, surely the world had not hardened her so much. But she had done things herself that she never would have six years ago. Perhaps she should stop underestimating the cruelty of human nature and start to accept the fact that heartbreak was probably the root of many violent actions.
"Ailbhe, does Polly still come to you?" His eyes were narrowed now, seeking truth as they always did.
Ailbhe felt the sting she always did when she thought of Polly. Of John. Of Seán. Of Bonnie.
And yet Polly was the only one who still visited her in her dreams. John had never come to her. Seán had stopped coming when they heard of his death from France. Bonnie came the night Jade went into labour and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy with his father's dark eyes and his mother's inability to be silent. But Polly still came.
At first it frightened her. Always expecting an omen or a warning. But sometimes she just dreamt of Polly's face or the way it felt to have her rub her back or hold her chin between her thumb and forefinger. Sometimes she spoke, more times she didn't. Gentle reminders. Subtle hints. Never anything to tell the others.
She nodded, knowing that she wasn't the only person Polly visited.
"A curse has been placed on this family in the hope that I will be left with nothing to lean on"
Ailbhe's brow furrowed. She didn't understand.
She opened her mouth to question him but Tommy beat her to it.
"I am not an island. Polly and Ada and you have kept me alive since I came home from France and my life was never meant to be this long. They didn't let me pass and I will not be allowed to live without consequences"
Ailbhe felt her chest tighten and the next breath she took was more of a struggle.
"Tommy, what do you mean?"
He took a sharp inhale through his nose, rolling his jaw before he looked her in the eyes. He needed to look at her when he said it, even if he would watch her heart break.
"This curse...They are kicking away my crutch. Ruby. And Ada. And you"
Ailbhe still didn't understand and she felt herself grow angry. Why was he talking in riddles so goddamn always?
"Tommy, the doctors are going to save Ruby and I'm not going anywhere, the doctors said I'm fine"
She found herself speaking as if she was arguing with Finn, that tone she took when he wouldn't listen and she found herself getting angrier and angrier with him. But he would always start grinning, loving the way she argued with him almost as much as he loved the way she made up with him.
Shaking his head, Tommy sighed.
"The curse, Ailbhe. Polly warned me. Everything we have done... It'll be for nothing..."
He cleared his throat but Ailbhe knew he had no cough nor ailment. It was emotion that hindered him. And Ailbhe felt unsettled to see him so shaken.
"No Shelby child born after Ruby will live."
Ailbhe froze. No child with the name Shelby would live. The curse wasn't just on Tommy or on his daughter. It was on Ailbhe too. No child born to Finn and Ailbhe would live.
And suddenly the truth was right there in front of her. But she didn't want it anymore. After months of paying doctors and specialists, visiting midwives and clinics. There it was. The reason why Ailbhe hadn't fallen pregnant yet and why she now hoped she wouldn't. Because however painful it was to constantly live with the pain that she would never have Finn's child, it would destroy her to have that baby and then lose them.
She found herself wishing for the bliss that had been her ignorance.
Tommy would never forget the look on his sister's face when she pulled her hand from his when it dawned on her that Tommy was the reason that she would never carry Finn's baby nor raise his children. It was pain and heartbreak and utter conflict when she realised that it was Tommy's fault. It was too much. And Tommy wanted to look away but he made himself keep looking at her. This was his punishment.
"I am going to stop this. I am going to fix this" He swore to her, he reached out to grab for her and to reassure her that he would fix this.
He had lived four years ago after putting that gun to his head because he had sworn that he would give his children and his family a life. They deserved it. And he would keep that promise. To think that he was the cause of her pain, of Finn's or the break in their marriage. He was cursed to walk alone and whoever cast this curse must have understood that nothing short of utter betrayal would push Ailbhe away from Tommy. Only ruining her life would make Ailbhe walk away from him.
But he was a man with no limitations and he would not let his daughter be taken from him and his brother and Ailbhe's chance at a real life be taken from them.
He was a man with no limitations. But he was human. And it hurt more than he could ever admit when Ailbhe stepped out of his reach and walked away from him.