Notes: I'm back!!! Sorry this chapter is not as long as others, though 13,000ish ain't terrible for word count. I've had a crazy week since I got back last Monday, so I ended this one a little earlier and saved material for next chapter just so I could get something to you guys. The Obiwan Kenobi show, Stranger Things Season 4, Star Wars Celebration, and that new episode of Tom Hiddleston's show (and naturally the Depp vs Turd trial) had me preoccupied this last week, so I have no idea how I wrote at all. I watched like twelve straight hours of TV on Friday...unhealthy but worth it. Anyway, here ya go! Sorry for the wait! Oh also I finished the last part of this chapter on my phone, and autocorrect is a brat, so if you see like egregious errors please let me know!
Either by pure coincidence or the universe's flair for the dramatic, Wren was the last to go. Loki stared at the place she'd vanished, the same grim look of fear and shock as everyone else frozen on his face. Steve slumped to the ground, sitting next to Bucky's dusty remains. Clint staggered slowly to Nat, taking her hand. The rest of the group didn't move. Rhodey jogged in from the trees, looking around for confirmation for what he knew had happened. He caught Bruce's eye first, who gave one sad nod.
"Oh God," Cap muttered, eyes not lifting from the ground in front of him.
No one spoke for another minute, each individual processing the loss in their own way. The only sound that broke the air was the distant rumble of thunder, as if the world itself was lamenting what had happened.
Clint was the first to speak.
"Laura," he said softly like he knew the truth already, "I have to see."
Nat relinquished his hand, not facing him as she nodded. He moved as fast as he could, the weight of grief causing him to stumble off in a haze.
"Brother," Thor said hoarsely, swallowing back his own emotions. He took a step to Loki, whose hands had clenched into fists at his sides.
"We have to get them back," he said in determination, turning to face the group. Where minutes ago there was sadness, now there was fury. "You've all done it before. Out there, somewhere, in another universe, you've all gone through this before," he said firmly.
"Wren said after five years," Nat spoke somberly.
"Because we didn't know about time-travel," Cap answered, pushing himself from the ground.
"I know Scott's the key, and some of the places we go, but Wren talked about the big final battle," Bruce replied, "Some things go wrong. And I don't even know where we start."
"I do," Steve answered, "Wren told me everything. She was afraid this would happen."
Loki lowered his eyes, Cap's words inducing further pain.
"Well then what are we waiting for?" Thor asked, "Let's find Lang and get our asses moving."
"It's not that simple," Steve told him.
"Why not?" Loki snapped.
"Because the entire universe just lost half its population. More needs to be handled than just bringing them back," Steve answered, his voice sounding more agitated and argumentative than it usually did.
"Bringing them back is what we need to handle!" Loki lashed back, taking a step closer to Steve.
"Loki, I know you're upset. But we all lost today. And we want them back as much as you. But there's a whole world that needs us too. Our duty is to them," he pointed to indicate the rest of humanity, "as much as it is to each other. If we're going to bring them back, we need to tell the world. They need to know what's happened."
Loki stared hard at Steve, who didn't shy away.
"Fine. Comfort your world," Loki said coldly, "Just try not to let five years slip past before you actually do something."
He stormed past Cap, ignoring Thor's attempts to stop him.
"What do we do?" Okoye asked, trying to stand tall.
"Your people need you here," Steve answered, "Go find who's left. Get Wakanda under control and be ready."
"For what?" she asked.
"The fight of our lives."
She nodded, hurrying back to the battlefield.
"We should get a broadcast out," Vision said, "There will be a mass panic."
"We get home and I can see what's left of our buddies in the news," Rhodey said.
"The sooner we get this settled, the sooner we go get the son of a bitch," Nat stated fiercely.
"Let's get a move on then," Thor said, offering Vision help in walking.
The journey back to the city was a quiet one, though the frenzy that greeted them there broke the silence.
"Guys, you'll have no idea what's happened," Korg started when he saw them, "People started turning to dust all around us, just fading away right there."
Rhodey patted his back as he took him and Miek off to explain what had happened.
"I know you wanna help," Nat said to Steve, who had paused at the bottom of the quinjet's ramp to survey the chaos.
"We don't have time," he finished her point for her, turning to board the jet.
Loki was sitting in the corner of the plane, hunched forward with his elbows on his legs and hands folded together. For half the flight he didn't acknowledge or speak to anyone, not that the team was in a particularly talkative mood. He'd have continued his bitter silence, had someone not deliberately taken the seat next to him.
"Leave me alone, Romanoff," Loki spoke, not turning to look at her.
"I've been stuck with you for how many months, I think it's only fair you deal with me for a few minutes."
"If you're going to ask if I'm ok, I'm going to stick a dagger in your eye."
"I don't ask questions I know the answer to. I thought you knew me better than that."
"I've never made it a particular interest to get to know you."
"Same, yet here we are."
Loki scoffed, chuckling bitterly.
"So you know me now, is that it?"
"I know Wren. And through her we've come to know you. Been forced to, actually."
Loki's anger dropped slightly at the mention of Wren, the sadness he tried hiding now taking control.
"What's your point?"
"That this isn't a pity party you're throwing for yourself over here. It isn't even grief. It's guilt."
"And why should I feel guilty?" he snapped instinctively.
"For the same reason the rest of us do."
"I'm not one of you, Widow."
"I know someone who would argue against that."
Loki didn't respond, but he glanced up to Nat for the first time.
"Guilt is part of the job," Nat said, holding the eye contact, "But we're all to blame. We'll get her back."
With that she stood and moved to sit with Barton. Loki watched her go, noticing Thor was doing the same. The brothers locked eyes. Though unable to offer a smile, Thor nodded and Loki returned the gesture.
Loki looked around the group one by one, noting the expressions and stances held by each. As Natasha had claimed, everyone looked more than upset. Reading people was something Loki prided himself on, even if he pretended to know more sometimes than he really did. In this case, he didn't need to make assumptions. Guilt was an easy enough symptom to spot. The secret of what he'd done, however, was eating at him. The others may feel responsible for failing, but Loki felt responsible for giving Thanos what he needed. He knew Nat had tried to provide some solace by telling him he wasn't alone in his self-loathing, but that did little to assuage his guilt.
Her actions surprised him though. He'd have been a fool to not notice how the dynamic between himself and the Avengers had changed over the months. Despite resisting the truth, as he always does, he wasn't blind to how comfortable his relations with the team had grown. Some people were friendlier than others, but all were more frequently normal with him, and he with them. Wren had said as much only about a hundred times. He smiled thinking about that, wishing now that he'd have accepted it and admitted it to her. She'd been thrilled when Barton had confessed his decreased hatred for him, and Loki knew she'd have loved for him to say it as well. Not that she needed his confirmation. She always knew. If her love of the films had given her an advantage in reading all of them, living among them for months only increased her talent. Her predictions that he'd become one of the team had been quickly shaping up to be true. He'd known it. He'd fought his own sentimental notions of such a future, especially when he was shocked to find how much he didn't hate the idea. Still, regardless of how things were with the team, he wasn't used to one of them trying to comfort him. He wasn't used to the sense of solidarity a team can bring you, the feeling of not being the only one in your position.
And yet I'm still apart from them, he thought, Even now, I'm once again to blame more than anyone else. I've separated myself.
That sense of loneliness crept back in, as Loki chastised himself for having ever believed that he could do what Wren had envisioned. He was destined to be a plague to heroes and their cause. He was the mischief-maker. His selfishness would always hurt himself and those around him.
Loki sat silently lost in thought until the plane landed in the hangar. Though angry at himself, it looked as if he was angry at everyone else as he walked briskly ahead of the group.
"What exactly is it you have to do before we start?" Loki asked impatiently from his chair in the kitchen.
"I'll see what I can set up," Rhodey said, "Then we go live. Tell everyone what happened."
"Yes, because knowing the reason why their families turned to dust will make it so much easier to bear their loss," he replied.
"Wouldn't you wanna know?" Rhodey shot back.
"We'll do more than that. We'll give them hope," Steve explained, "Everyone in this room is carrying on because we have something to fight for. A chance. If we didn't have that..." he left the sentence unfinished, shaking his head at the thought. Everyone understood. Without the possibility to fix things, no one would be functioning.
"I'll let you know what I get," Rhodey said, walking from the room.
No one seemed to know what to do to pass time. Moments without something to do turned into excruciatingly silent mourning sessions. Clint's eyes were red and puffy from the tears shed over his family, and he sat staring into space. Nat and Bruce sat next to each other, their hands overlapping on the table. Thor's head was leaning against Stormbreaker, which he was holding in a standing position in front of him as he sat. Korg and Miek whispered to each other now and again, both grieving the loss of their friends.
"I should check on Asgard," Thor said suddenly, standing abruptly.
"You're leaving now?" Loki stood with him.
"Brother, what's happening down here is surely happening back home. What if father is..."
Loki swallowed, fearing the thought as much as Thor.
"Our people need us too," Thor said, placing a hand on Loki's shoulder and holding his gaze.
"Go," Loki nodded, "I'll stay here."
"I'll bring word soon."
With that he marched swiftly from the room.
Rhodey came back soon thereafter, informing the group of the emergency broadcast that was being scrambled together. Cap offered to be the only one to appear on screen, but the others wouldn't let him face it alone. Loki nearly gagged at how he found himself admiring their loyalty, but there was no Wren to call him out on what was going on under the surface. He always complained when she did that, but now he felt the painful lack. He made no effort to bow out of attending the press meeting, for no one expected him to come along. After all, seeing the Avengers sitting with the murderous attacker of New York was the last thing the frenzied populace needed.
Bruce stayed behind with Vision to help patch him up in his lab, but the rest of the team went.
Loki sat with Korg and Miek in the living room, watching as Rogers addressed the world. He held nothing back, explaining, as clearly and briefly as possible, how Thanos had accomplished what he had.
"I know you're scared. We all are," Steve began his closing remarks, "But we have a plan. A chance at bringing everyone back. It won't be easy, and it may not be quick. Weeks could pass before we succeed. But we promise we won't rest until they're back. We'll do whatever it takes. All we ask is that everyone, from one end of the world to the other, does their part. Help each other. Look out for your neighbor, your friends, your family, whoever is left. This is a time for us to come together. Thanos has taken half of those we care about. It's up to us to help those who are left. Pick up the pieces, remain strong, undivided. And when they come back, they'll find a world ready and waiting for them, united by the bonds that exist between every man, woman, and child. When they come back...hold your heads with pride as you tell them how we came together. Tell them of how the world fought back. How we never gave up."
The reporters tried asking more questions, as they often do, but the Avengers filed out of the room.
"That was truly inspirational," Korg said, and Loki gave him a look. "Now we know we can get everyone back, Miek."
Loki smirked at the Kronan's faith. Yes, it was because he believed everything he heard, but Loki needed some of that blind optimism. Wren loved Korg and Miek, and, through her, Loki had spent great amounts of time with them. Their unbiased stance on him had made it easier to interact with them in the early days, and he'd grown a fondness for the duo.
With their spirits lifted, Korg and Miek ventured to make some food, asking Loki if he wanted to join them. He opened his mouth to decline, but paused for few seconds. Coming to a decision, he forced a soft smile.
"Yes, thank you," he answered, stepping with them to the counter.
It was a good thing he accepted, for Korg wasn't the best in the kitchen. Loki ended up taking charge, the task providing a much appreciated distraction.
When the team returned, it was straight to business. No one slept that night as plans were discussed and tasks completed. Fury's last known position was located, with Rhodey flying out to retrieve the beacon for Captain Marvel. The device was hooked up to run continuously. A transmission to the Guardians was attempted, but there was no answer.
"If things went like the movie, their ship isn't in good condition," Cap explained, "Wren told me that Tony and Nebula manage to buy themselves some flight time, but it's dead in the water after that. They float adrift for 22 days."
"Isn't Stark the mind behind time travel?" Loki asked.
"For navigating it," Cap nodded.
"Then we can't wait 22 days to find him! Did she say where he is?"
"Anywhere in the void of space between here and Titan."
Loki sighed, leaning his forehead on his fist.
"What of the stones in the present?" Vision asked, "Are we so certain we can't reach them before Thanos destroys them?"
"We only locate Thanos because of the energy surge caused by the destruction," Steve said, "Nebula lets us know he planned on retreating to The Garden when he finished his work."
"That's cute, Thanos has a retirement plan," Rhodey muttered.
"Then we can get to this garden first," Loki insisted.
"Wren says Nebula doesn't just lead us there. Instead, it cuts to Rocket explaining the energy detected on a planet from one of our deep-space scans. She's able to confirm it's the place he'd be, but it never actually shows her knowing where the planet is before Rocket brings it up."
"Sounds like it was kinda pointless for Nebula to explain it at all," Clint grumbled, earning looks. "From a movie perspective," he clarified.
"We won't know if she can lead us there until we get her," Nat said, "How do we find Tony?"
"Danvers gets them," Cap answered, which received frustrated groans from the group.
"So we can't go for Thanos til we have Nebula, and we can't get Nebula til we have Captain Marvel," Rhodey summarized.
"Sounds like our luck," Clint added.
"Any chance we still have a pair of eyes up on Asgard?" Nat asked Loki.
He shook his head softly. "I've tried speaking with Heimdall, but...there's no answer."
"We still need Mr. Lang," Vision said, "If we're to prepare for a worst case scenario, his experience with the quantum realm will be necessary."
"I've tried calling him," Nat said, "He's silent too."
"You have his number?" Clint asked.
"For this reason."
"You think he got snapped too, or stuck in the quantum place?" Rhodey asked.
"It'd be one hell of a coincidence for him to be exactly where he was supposed to be in the movie," Nat said like it still wasn't a far-fetched possibility.
"Which means it's what happened," Loki said, "Wren was afraid things were playing out as they were supposed to, that the universe was correcting itself. She told me she was worried," he finished quietly, feeling more guilty by the minute. He'd given her hope. He'd tried to be uncharacteristically optimistic, not liking seeing her so down. And look where it had gotten her.
"I knew she was worried too," Cap said, sensing Loki was blaming himself, "There's a reason she wanted to talk about Endgame."
"And I had my own fears," Vis chimed, "The stone was warning me, but I ignored it."
"Seems we all got too comfortable being ahead," Bruce said, "We should've destroyed any stone we had when we got the chance."
"We knew things were unpredictable," Cap said in an attempt at comforting, "The best we can do now is work with what we've got...and don't hesitate to do what we have to."
"So what now?" Rhodey asked.
"We wait for Danvers. And we go find Scott tonight," Steve answered.
"Tonight?" Loki questioned.
"We've been up all night, Loki," Steve replied.
"You mortals and your pathetic lack of stamina," Loki said irritably.
"We won't be able to do anything if we continue like this," Nat told him, "And you're exhausted."
He didn't answer, but his jaw tightened in frustration. He looked away, conceding the argument.
Loki went to his room, but laid in his bed staring at the ceiling. Sleep wasn't a option.
***
Around 2pm, Loki gave up on resting. He'd dozed on and off, but images of Wren disappearing in front of him kept him awake. All of that death, executed with the snap of a finger. Now he truly understood Wren's fear. Some things you could never wrap your head around until you experience it for yourself. Wilson, for all of his annoying traits, was gone too...and Loki was continuously surprised by how much that bothered him. Wren was his primary concern, his main source of distress. But he was angered by the deaths of the others, something he never thought he'd say to himself. Yelena was probably the closest to a friend that Loki had who wasn't Wren, and she was gone. Wanda, who had been more willing than others to give him a chance, was gone. If those who blipped in the movie were the same as reality, then that meant Groot, Parker, and most of the Guardians were gone. Barnes, Heimdall, possibly his father...the list went on. The walls he always raised around himself when caring became too painful simply wouldn't hold. He couldn't lie to himself about how he felt. Not about this.
Eager to find Lang, Loki left his quarters, entering the kitchen to see who was present.
"Hey," Rhodey said from where he sat alone at the table.
Everywhere one went, every room, every situation, there was that stifling air of dread. That defeated aura about everyone. Hope kept them going, yes, but it did little to brighten the atmosphere after such an unbearable loss. The way Rhodes held himself now was a testament to that. Loki had walked in on this man and every other Avenger hundreds of times over the months, and never had such a small interaction been so tired and beaten.
"Hey," Loki replied, stopping in the middle of the room.
He was considering returning to his room. Yes, he'd come in search of who was up and ready to move. But now it was just him and Rhodey, and he suddenly wondered why he'd come down in the first place. What annoyed him the most is how, deep down, he didn't want to leave. How he knew he'd come down because he was tired of being alone with his thoughts. Just sharing the room with someone who was as distraught as himself was a comfort.
Instead he stood there, looking around the room for something to fix his eyes on.
"Can't sleep?" Rhodey asked, and Loki just nodded. "Who could?" Rhodey shook his head.
"The others seem to be doing a fine job of it," Loki said disapprovingly.
"Dude you really think any of them are sleeping?"
Loki looked at Rhodey but didn't answer. Rhodes moved a chair out from the table with his foot, nodding to the seat. Loki hesitated for a moment before walking to take it. Both men sat at the table in silence, each zoning out in their own thoughts.
"I uh...God I really thought we had it," Rhodey scoffed, giving a sad chuckle as he played with his hands, "You know, when Infinity War started happening, I thought that was it at first. We thought you were dead. The battle at Wakanda was happening. I just thought there was no way we end up on top. Then Shuri said we had the stone, and I...I thought we had it," he repeated.
Loki continued not to speak, but his eyes were attentively on Rhodes.
"Now I--I don't see a way...there's no end here where we all win anymore. Wren told Steve about Endgame, but that just means we can do everything five years earlier."
Loki knew he was fearing the same outcome. Stark's death, Romanoff's sacrifice for the soul stone, etc. All of that meant he got what he wanted. He got Wren back five years earlier. That selfish notion was what he tried focusing on, telling himself that's all that mattered. Then why did he feel as disturbed by the thought as Rhodey was?
"Why am I talking to you about this though?" Rhodey chuckled, "As long as you get her back you won't lose any sleep."
Rhodey didn't mean it harshly, the look in his eyes said as much. Yet Loki felt attacked nonetheless. He hid it with a little smile, as if going along with what Rhodes had said.
"It's been obvious for a while, but I never said it...you mean it when you say she's your friend. When she was kidnapped, both times, you really wanted her back."
Loki nodded slowly.
"You don't talk much when you're upset."
"And you talk a lot."
"Yeah," Rhodey laughed, "I guess I do."
There were another few seconds of silence, both unable to maintain their smiles for long. It seemed such a struggle to put on a happy face.
"I'm usually much more talkative," Loki spoke, "When I'm upset," he clarified, smirking at how Rhodey was about to capitalize on the opportunity to insult, "I uh...I usually don't handle it well. Both verbally and physically."
"So we've heard. And seen."
"You referring to now or the past?"
"Well you didn't attack New York because you were happy."
Loki let out a breathy laugh.
"No, I suppose not. But when my...when my mother, Frigga, when she died I..."
Loki didn't know why he was talking to Rhodey about this.
"...I've never felt something like that. When Thor came to me later I was...well let's just say I wasn't as composed. I wanted to break something, more than I already had. I wanted to burn the city to the ground. I've never felt that...that pain. It sucks the air from your lungs...makes you feel like the world is caving in...trying to crush you. I hid it around Thor, for the most part. Joked, talked, insulted, did my usual. I guess I'm just wondering now...why I--why I don't feel the same this time around."
"Why you're not destroying stuff?"
"Among other things, yes."
"Cuz Tony would kill you?"
"Ah, you got it first try, Rhodes."
Both chuckled at themselves.
"Look," Rhodey sad more seriously, looking at this hands as he searched for the words, "Maybe it's because she's not really gone? I mean, all of us would be a lot worse right now if we didn't know there was a way to get them."
"Hope's never been one of my virtues," Loki replied like that debunked Rhodey's theory.
"I know. But you're not the same guy right?"
Loki furrowed his brow, looking to Rhodey in surprise.
"Don't look so surprised, man," Rhodey rolled his eyes, "You watch movies, you cook, if you can call it that, you play video games, you read books with Cap---"
"I read them with Wren."
"Who reads them with Cap. The point is, a few months ago I'd have said it was all pretend, something you were doing to make it look like you were playing nice. But come on, we're a little past that now."
Loki wanted to argue, to say something hinting that he still potentially was hiding an ulterior motive...but nothing came out.
"Maybe it's a good thing you haven't gone around throwing furniture or something. That's an old Loki thing."
"Old and new Loki," he chuckled, shaking his head, "You sound like Wren."
"She might be gone dude, but that doesn't mean what she said or believed is gone."
Except she believed I could be a hero, and I tried. I tried being optimistic. I tried fighting with them. And she died.
"I---I um, I think I should try to sleep some more before we go," Loki lied.
Rhodey nodded sadly, knowing he was fibbing.
"Good luck."
Loki stood and walked hastily from the room. Once back upstairs, he tried considering what Rhodey had said. Was he really not acting out because he held hope? Is this what it was like for these heroes? Why they could never be knocked down hard enough to remain on the ground? Against all odds, they always kept coming. Loki had mocked their foolish persistence many times over, but now here he was. Clinging to the hope that they could bring her back like the film. That they could bring them all back.
That doesn't explain why I'm just acting...normal? Why did I talk to Rhodes? Why am I so unable to lash out at them?
He'd tried. He'd been cold with Rogers, rigid with Romanoff, silent with everyone else...yet as time passed, anger faded...and he didn't like it. Anger was a powerful drug. It numbed the mind to any emotional pain. It gave one a focus, an outlet to vent their feelings in a less vulnerable fashion than actually showing sadness. He'd tried hiding his true self when Thor came to him after Frigga died. Lifting his illusion and speaking his grief to his brother had been the brief moment of emotional vulnerability he'd shown. After that, anger had taken over again. Anger had always been his fallback. His disguise. It kept him going.
Now, without it he felt...empty. The emptiness of despair. The pit of grief forming in his stomach. Hope kept him from exploding, but it didn't make it any easier. How did heroes do it? How did they continue on when this kind of feeling made you want to lie down and give up? That's why it was so much easier to give up. To let yourself rage. It's what he'd always done, but couldn't do now. He wasn't sure if he'd cascade out of control even if she were truly dead...because try as he might he couldn't find anyone to be angry with. Wren had done such a good job of getting him not to hate these people that he now couldn't force it when he wanted to.
But without her, what future do I have with the rest of them anyway? She was the link. The bridge between the two parties. If she doesn't come back...
He felt the mixed rage and grief burn inside him at the thought, and one of his chairs went catapulting into the wall. It didn't make him feel better.
She wouldn't want you throwing chairs.
He sighed in tired frustration, slumping to the ground, back against the side of his bed.
She'd also say it was super cool though.
A soft smile broke at the corners of his mouth, but it disappeared as quickly as it had arrived.
She's dead because of you. You killed her. You gave Thanos the stone. She'd tried comforting you about it, and you'd almost believed it wasn't your fault. You went as far as assure her everything would be fine. But you believed your own lies. Of course it was your fault. Of course you couldn't help things go right, you only lead to them going wrong. Now she's gone. You failed her, and you failed what she thought you could be. You're not one of them. The others don't have to fight wanting to destroy everything in their path. They don't have to regret being the cause of trillions of deaths.
With his head reclined, he squeezed his eyes shut, as if doing so would stop the flow of thoughts. He didn't bother wiping the occasional tear that made it's way out of the corners of his eyes. Sitting in this position, he eventually fell asleep.
***
"Brother?" Thor's voice called out, and Loki's head snapped up.
For a second he looked around curiously, trying to recall why he was on the floor. He remembered the nightmare of reality, wishing he could go back to sleep and escape it. Instead, he groaned and pulled himself to his feet, heading to open the door.
"Yes?" Loki asked his solemn brother.
Thor did a poor job of not looking concerned by Loki's disheveled hair and tired eyes.
"Thor," Loki snapped.
"We're uh, we're getting ready to leave."
"It's about time," Loki said, marching past Thor.
He fixed his hair as Thor hurried to catch up.
"Brother---" Thor started.
"Not everything you think has to come out your mouth."
"No, but some of it should."
"I disagree."
"Loki, I know what you're doing."
"And what is that?" he said sarcastically as he pushed the elevator button aggressively.
"This," Thor waved to his entire person, "This isn't your usual hatred of everyone and everything. This certainly isn't the brother I journeyed with yesterday."
"Yet it's the one you should be familiar with."
"Which is exactly why I know what you're doing."
Loki didn't answer, but glared ahead at the door as the lift carried them down.
"We all make mistakes, brother---"
"Thor, please---"
"But being part of a team means we all take the blame. No loss is ever on any one mistake. Several have to be made, all by more than you."
"Can you stop?" Loki said, looking increasingly troubled.
"Why, Loki? Wh-what, do you want me to say it's all your fault? That you're to blame for everything? Would that make you feel better, brother?"
Again, he didn't answer, but his anger was giving way to uncertainty and sadness.
"You crave to be accepted yet fight as hard as you can when someone does."
"They don't know what I did."
"No, but I do. And I think no lesser of you, Loki. You think I should though, because you think it of yourself. Believe me, brother, if you think we all don't go through self-loathing and guilt, you are greatly mistaken."
"But you all keep going until you make things right," Loki replied, "I tried that, and, per my luck, things didn't get better. There's never any moving past the things I've done. They always come back. I was supposed to be better. I tried."
"Everyone fails at who they're supposed to be..."
"The measure of a person is how well they succeed at being who they are," Loki finished, looking in surprise at his brother.
"Measure of a hero," Thor added, "And I see Wren told you of mother's words as well."
"Yes, but for you those words mean something. You thought you had to be a flawless leader, and she reminded you you just had to work to be the hero you are."
"Ok, so Wren went into some more detail," Thor nodded like it made sense.
"Of course she did. She gets very passionate when it comes to character development discussions."
"She does," Thor laughed.
"But that scene was yours, brother, not mine."
The elevator had reached the bottom, but none of the brothers moved to get out.
"Lessons aren't meant for any one person, Loki. They're meant for whoever needs to hear them."
"You're supposed to be a hero Thor, always have been. And I'm always meant to be the villain. I was born to drive others to greatness by providing something to fight against. Someone to prove wrong. Someone to stop."
"Where is this coming from?"
"Something Wren showed me once...memories from my future, or a version of me at least."
"Version?"
"It's a long story. But the point is, even when given the freedom to change, as I've now had, I end up right back where I was."
"It's only an end when you decide to stop."
Loki contemplated that, turning his head to his brother.
"Brother, I see two options here. One, you blame yourself for everything and think you're not worthy of being on this team, thus lashing out at everyone to make them hate you as much as you hate yourself. You fall back into your old habits, you grow bitter. Or, you accept that mistakes and failures are part of the job, and that you're no different than everyone else here. You continue to grow, to fight, just as you've been doing these last months. Loki, I know how difficult it was for you to admit that you didn't mind this life. You're my brother. I know your internal conflict when I see it. Which is why I know you came to conclusion that it wasn't so bad down here. That we weren't so bad. And Wren, she--she helped, yes...but she didn't do it all for you. You did. Everything you've done, all the change you've accomplished, all the happiness you've brought yourself...she didn't just hand it to you. You let it in. You worked for it. So she may not be here now, but what you are and the potential she saw in you didn't dust away. So choose option B, brother. Prove to yourself that you can do this."
Loki's eyebrows were raised as he took it all in. He looked like he wanted to speak, but didn't know how to say what he felt.
Damn, he's right.
He'd never been so relieved to have admitted that about Thor. So this is what the other side of hope feels like. Not just a rope to cling to as it pulls you through your troubles painfully, but a relief. Just the thought of someone else having faith in him made him believe he could do it. His thoughts continued to fight the notion with disbelief, but deep down inside, part of him had been lit with a small spark.
"And for goodness sake stop with the pushing me away thing, it's getting old," Thor said, making Loki laugh.
"Thank you, brother," Loki said sincerely.
Thor gave him a beaming grin, patting him on the back as he finally made to leave the elevator.
"Oh and..." Thor stopped abruptly, turning around to face Loki, "I'm sorry. For not killing him, for...for letting him snap."
Loki fought the urge to pile on to Thor's guilt. The opportunity to blame someone other than himself was tempting.
"It's not your fault," he said, it sounding somewhat difficult and strange to get out of his throat. He was out of practice when it came to comforting his brother.
"No, I was...arrogant. I was foolish, I reveled too much in plunging the axe through his chest. I should have gone for the..."
He trailed off, eyes seeming to come to some revelation.
"What?"
Thor sighed, shaking his head.
"Something Wren has joked about before. I never understood what she meant. She loves to say I should have gone for the head, when the situation applies."
"You never asked what she meant?"
"I tried once, but she pretended it was nothing. Found it funnier that I didn't know I guess."
"That sounds like her sadistic sense of humor," Loki shook his head, "If only she'd told us that detail."
"I'm sure she never thought it would come to it. There's a lot to tell in ten years of events, brother. And by the time the events started playing out, she wasn't sure where we were or if either of us survived. Not a lot of opportunity to let me know what was going to happen. Besides, she wasn't the one wielding the axe. She shouldn't have to tell me how to use one."
"You at least made contact, Thor. None of us did damage. He only got to Wren because we couldn't hold him off."
"We?" Thor asked with a smirk.
Loki gave him a look.
"What? You're right! I'm just glad you're admitting it."
"From the man who just apologized for not going for the head. The lesson isn't just for one person, brother, it's for whoever needs to hear it," Loki threw his words back at him, "We all failed."
"And we all can't help but hold ourselves responsible."
"Yup," Loki smacked his lips together, nodding.
"That's the hero trope though, right? That's what Wren says about us."
"Maybe we should all just be villains, you know?" Loki joked, "Can you imagine what we could do?"
"Probably take over the world rather easily."
"Not feel responsible for anything."
"No guilt, yes, that'd be a good one."
"Too bad we'd all turn on each other," Loki said like that was the one flaw in their master plan.
"And I'm the strongest Avenger, so naturally I'd win."
Loki chuckled as he eye-rolled.
"I think I'd rename this planet Lightning...Land or something like that," Thor continued.
"That sounds like an attraction for children."
"Fine, then maybe I'd keep you around for the branding."
The brothers had taken their time getting to the lounge/planning room, entering to find all but Clint and Vision present.
Nat grinned at the fact that they had been smiling, something that had been a rare occurrence among the team in the last 24 hours.
Pepper had evidently joined the group, as she was sitting at a table and doing her best to breathe like everything was fine.
"Hey Pepper," Clint greeted as he walked in after the gods.
"Hey," she said, giving him a tight hug.
No words were spoken during the hug, but the comfort and condolences behind it were clear. Pepper sniffed back a tear as she pulled away.
"When did you get here?"
"About an hour ago," she answered, "I, uh...I've done what I can to keep Stark Industries from tearing itself apart but there's uh, there's there's not much to do right now," she said, sounding like she was still in shock, "So I-I didn't know where else to go. Where to wait."
The two of them sat next to each other to continue their conversation, while Thor and Loki took their seats to wait for Vision. When he arrived, Cap got the show on the road.
"We're tracking Scott's phone to this location," Steve said, the schematics of a building and the area around it showing in the middle of the table, "We figure this is where he and the Pym family were running their tests. If all went according to the movies, Scott is stuck in there and the others are gone. We need to get him out and get him and his research over here."
"Do we know how to work that tech?" Rhodey asked.
"If a rat can do it, I'm sure Bruce can figure it out," Steve answered.
"A rat?" Clint questioned.
"Yeah, that's how he gets out in Endgame. No one knew he was in there for five years, til a rat stepped on the controls."
"Convenient," Clint muttered.
"Pepper's going to watch Fury's beacon and be here in case Danvers shows," Cap carried on, "We should be in and out as quickly as possible. I want to be ready for Tony when we find him."
He led the way out of the room and to the quinjet.
Another ride, Loki groaned internally, not liking the thought of prolonged inactivity. Once again, no one spoke much the whole ride there. Korg and Miek were in better spirits, but they held enough sense to know that wasn't the case with the rest of the team. Games, books, movies, nothing seemed appealing. Minds were too distracted, too worried to focus on much of anything. Conversation, oddly enough, was the only action that got one out of their own heads, yet there was nothing to talk about in the face of the current crisis.
At long last, the plane was set down on the roof in question. It was evening in San Francisco, though the sky was cloudy, thus hiding what light the sunset would have provided.
"That's the quantum tunnel?" Rhodey asked of the brown van linked to the other stations of equipment.
"Looks like it," Nat said as the team reached the back, seeing the mechanism within.
"Shit, ok," Rhodey mumbled.
"Let's get him outa there," Steve said, the team backing up from the van as Bruce went over the controls.
He was taking his time examining all of the devices, muttering to himself as he'd look up at one thing and back down at another.
"Do we need to call a rat?" Loki sassed impatiently.
"I get it alright, I'm taking a while," Bruce shot back, "But I wanna make sure I pull him out, not suck us in. Though if you're close enough I might just do it." He grumbled the last part to himself, Loki picking up pieces of it.
"What was that Banner?"
"N--nothing," Bruce shrugged, "Just, you know, science talk and...stuff."
"How much longer Bruce?" Steve asked.
"Just about there," he responded absent-mindedly, reading another screen, "Ok, yeah yeah, I think I got it. Everyone stand over here by me," he waved the team over, keeping them a distance from the van. He pressed a few buttons, the tunnel lighting up. Lastly, he placed his hand on the desired switch.
"This'd better work," Loki said.
"Thanks for the confidence, Loki," Bruce said, giving the god a look over his shoulder, "Ok, bringing him back in 3...2...1..."
He flipped the controls, the tunnel's brightness growing until a figure shot out of it. He landed hard on the ground, rolling across the roof. Loki let out a sigh of relief.
Bruce shut down the tunnel, while Steve and the others ran to Scott's side.
"Scott," Cap said, crouching next to him.
Scott was slapping at some sparks on his suit, groaning as he did.
"You ok?" Steve asked.
"Oh, hey Cap, Captain, sorry," he said, reaching to retract his helmet, "Oh my god," he panted as he dropped his head back against the ground, "Thanks for uh, for pulling me from there," he waved to the van without lifting his head, "That was the longest ten minutes of my life."
People exchanged looks, but no one was shocked by the statement.
"Was um, was was Hope, you know," Scott motioned for Steve to finish the thought.
Cap nodded somberly.
"Shit," Scott sighed, the hurt and fear playing across his face, "I mean, I-I-I figured it had happened, but shit. You know I joked about it too? Before going in? Shoulda knocked on wood, I knew I jinxed it. But Hope told me to shut up, which I mean I hear a lot and she was probably right, but turns out I was right, so if I hadn't shut up maybe I would have scared myself and not gone in there, not that being out here was really going to do anything, but that wasn't fun---"
"Scott," Nat cut him off.
"Right, sorry," he apologized, propping himself on one elbow, "Anyone bring food? For some reason I'm starving."
"Half the universe has just been wiped out," Rhodey said disapprovingly.
"Yeah I...I know," Scott said, looking genuinely flustered by the reality of the situation. At least this time he knew what was going on, so he was handling it better than he did in Endgame. "How long was I in there? Please tell me it hasn't been five years?"
"When did you crawl into that van?" Korg asked, trying to be helpful.
"Approaching 24 hours," Vision answered.
"Oh thank god, that's--that's so much better. I was really hoping you guys wouldn't forget me or anything," he chuckled nervously.
"If it weren't for your experience with your molecular world, we would have," Loki said.
"Oh hey there, uh, Loki," Scott gave a tired wave, "So glad you survived."
Thor chuckled as Loki glared back at Lang.
"You good to stand up?" Steve offered him a hand.
"Yeah, yeah no I'm good, great, ready to go," he said, taking the offered help.
"Let's get this loaded up," Cap motioned to the van.
Bruce helped Scott get everything ready to move, then the team helped load it up.
"Dude, I said stop!" Rhodey said as Scott pulled the van on board.
"I thought you were waving me on!"
"Does this," Rhodey repeated the motion, "Look like I'm waving you on?"
"Well from here---"
"Just back up," Rhodey ordered.
"Yes sir..." he grumbled to himself, doing as he was told.
Soon, everything was ready to go. Scott munched away on snacks as he began sharing in the gloom of the squad. He called his ex to check on her and Cassie, his daughter's voice helping to calm him down. Still, he fidgeted nervously most of the ride.
"So uh, where's Stark?" he asked as the jet landed, noticing for the first time that he wasn't there, "He didn't, ya know, did he? Cuz I thought he helps us navigate the quantum realm?"
"He's currently M.I.A, somewhere in space," Rhodey answered.
"Space?" Scott asked in awe.
"Are you just forgetting we're dealing with aliens?" Clint asked.
"No, it's just, you know, still weird to hear. Not the answer you expect when you ask where some is."
"It's ok," Nat said, giving Clint a look, "We're just all a little stressed."
"How do we get him? Is he on his way, or is this like our first mission or something?"
"We need Captain Marvel to find him. Remember Wren mentioning her?" Cap asked.
"Yeah, yeah I think so. Space lady, right? Makes sense. So where's she?"
"We have a signal going out to her," Bruce explained.
"But when she'll arrive is another matter," Vision finished.
"And uh," Scott said, looking around the group, "Everyone else is..."
"Yeah," Bruce said quietly, the team growing sadder by the thought of those missing.
Scott nodded, rubbing his forehead. "I'm sorry."
"The sooner you get busy, the closer we are to getting them back," Loki said, taking the lead down the ramp.
Back inside, those who were hungry grabbed what they could find. Scott made himself a pb&j sandwich, polishing it off rather quickly. Nat went off to shower, Rhodey dropped on the couch, and Korg and Miek very cautiously turned on their games, as if fearing someone would think it an inappropriate time...which of course, it technically was. Thor brought a few beers over to the table. Though the supply was originally intended for him, he pretended he'd brought it for the others too, not stopping them as Clint, Steve, Bruce, and Loki all grabbed one. Scott was too busy chugging his milk with his sandwich.
"So when do we start?" Loki asked.
"Start?" Scott asked, glancing at the clock, "Like tonight?"
"Our sleep schedule's a little nonexistent at the moment," Steve smirked.
"No, yeah that's cool. But, um, don't we need Stark?"
"You and I can get the systems up and running," Bruce explained, "We need Tony's help with the details, but we can get the basics ready for when he comes."
"Sweet, yeah, uh we just need to bring the van in somewhere for me to---"
"Scott," Steve cut him off, "It can wait til tomorrow."
Loki's head jerked to the soldier.
"We can't have him making a mistake because we didn't take the time to do it right," Steve explained before Loki had a chance to speak.
"You saw how well taking our time to get it right went!" Loki said in an accusatory tone.
"We thought we had more time. Now everything's broken, but we have a five year head start on fixing it."
"And we had, what, a two year head start on Thanos?" Loki argued, "But delay after delay pushed us to where we are."
"Without Tony, we're not going anywhere anyway," Clint said, leaning his elbows on the table, "Whether they get it set up now or tomorrow isn't gonna make Captain Marvelous get here sooner."
Loki knew they were right, but he couldn't help but get angry. It was once again flowing naturally. He sat there with a tightened jaw, desperately biting back the rageful remarks pricking at the tip of his tongue.
"And what are we supposed to do? Sleep again?" Loki said as the others began to stand.
"We should," Cap said, looking around the tired-eyed table, "Not that we'll have better luck this time."
With that, he left the room with Scott, Bruce and Clint following behind. Rhodey stayed on the couch, though no one could tell if he was asleep or not.
"You're not going to let me walk alone, are you?" Loki groaned, noticing Thor waiting for him.
"Nope," he said, emphasizing the pop of the p.
Loki stood up, stepping alongside his brother. Neither spoke until the elevator.
"I never asked," Loki said, "But...father?"
Thor's expression answered.
"And...the others?"
"Brunnilde is alive. She's still recovering from our fight, but she's up and about. She's a tremendous help at the moment, while we're away. Hogun and Volstagg are...but Fandral's still here. We've lost contact with Sif though, so...I don't know."
Loki took the news in silence, with Thor getting off at 2. When the door opened on the third floor, Loki had the urge to turn left, as he'd done towards Wren's room hundreds of times. Yet he wouldn't allow himself even a glance at the hall. He stormed down to his room, dreading the quiet madness of waiting until morning before doing something again. He knew he should have showered, should have changed. All of the others had, but Loki realized he'd yet to remove the grime and blood splatters on his face. No one had said anything, probably because they knew better. Knew how distracted he was.
"Great," Loki muttered, walking to turn the shower's handle. Yes, magic could get rid of most things, but he enjoyed the relaxing warmth of washing without it. He found himself zoning out while in the water, staring at the wall ahead of him as it poured down over his head. Rubbing his face and pulling back his soaked hair, he leaned his head back, letting the drops fall on his face. At least in here he was technically doing something. At least the shower was a small degree enjoyable. Reluctantly he switched the water off, drying himself instantly as he stepped out onto the rug.
Choosing Midgardian clothes, Loki then flopped down in his bed, his room submerged in darkness.
I know you said when people come back from the snap, for them it's like they never left, Loki thought to Wren, So it stands to reason that, whatever afterlife we go to, time works differently there. And, though time passes here, we bring you back from the moment you left, before you reach that unknown. That also means that, if we fail, somewhere out there you've reached your Valhalla already. That you're there in some point in time. I wish I could sit here and be as overly optimistic as you would be, and say that that point in time never occurs, that of course we bring you back. But I can't help but be afraid, Darling. I'm sorry. I'm terrified. Terrified to lose you. Terrified that I already have. And if you are in the other world, and we never pull you back before...know that I love you. I have for a while now. Truly, ardently love you. I should have told you. And I will never stop loving you...even if you're gone.
And I will live for you. I will try my hardest, every day, to be what you knew I could be. What you helped me see. Even gone, you will continue to change my life. You'll be happy to know that it was Rhodey who helped me realize that you will always be here. Yes, I actually took advice from someone else. Actually had a conversation, despite everything that had happened. And I will try to not pull away. Because I know you wouldn't want me to. It will never be the same if you don't come back, Darling. Never. I need you, even if you'd say I don't. Even if I go on without you here, it will be because of you that I do. Because I will always need you, as much as I've ever needed my family or anyone else. I will get you back. I will get you back.
Loki let out a shaky sigh, rolling on his side. He pulled the pillow he'd stolen from Wren closer as he tried to shut his mind off. When that didn't work, he focused on something happier. On the conversations he'd have with Wren when she got back. Of how much she'd probably nerd out over having dusted. Of how he was going to tell her what he hadn't had the courage to.
***
"Hello," Vis said as Loki entered the kitchen.
He nodded a response, heading to grab a beer. He wasn't going to drink his problems away, but one bottle certainly couldn't hurt the situation.
"See Thor yet this morning?" Nat asked, and Loki shook his head.
"My brother isn't a particularly early riser."
"Yeah I just...wanted to make sure he's alright," she said, taking a bite of her sandwich.
"Have Banner and Lang started their work yet?"
"Got up early for it actually," she replied, "Not much left to do without Tony now."
"If Marvel could get a move on it," Clint grumbled.
"We called her two days ago," Loki said in agreement, "You'd think someone of her power could get here a little faster."
"Any chance Thor can use the bifrost somehow or something?" Clint asked.
"He may have access to the bifrost, but not Heimdall's powers. Without a location..." Loki tossed his hand in the air.
"So uh..." Clint continued, "...how's the rest of Asgard holding up?"
Loki gave him a quick look, as if to try and spot a hidden reason for asking, before answering.
"Um...well Brunnhilde is alive, so she's helping while we're away but...our father's gone."
Loki sipped some more as Clint nodded in sad understanding.
"I'm sorry," Clint said, barely loud enough to hear.
Loki thought for a moment.
"I'm...sorry too...about your family."
He didn't look to Barton as he said it, drinking right away to cover how awkward and unsure he felt. When he glanced at Clint, the archer gave him a quick smile as thanks. Rhodey crawled off the couch with a groan, walking in a sleepy stagger to the kitchen and flopping down in a chair. He gave the silent eye-contact greeting most were giving recently. There was nothing good about any morning or night, so such customary sayings felt wrong to use. With little to do besides wallow in collective pity, Loki stood from the table moments later to go see Dr. Banner's progress. When he entered the large facility where they were stationed, he was slightly dismayed to find Lang's brown van as the only noticeable source of time-travel machinery.
"Oh uh, hey," Bruce said, taking his glasses off and standing from his chair behind the control panel.
Loki came to a slow and dramatized pause, clicking his feet together as he stopped and looked from the van to Bruce.
"It may not look like much," Bruce started, reading the god's expression.
"But what, it made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs?" Loki held his hands out sarcastically, tilting his head to Bruce like he was a child.
"Did...d-did you just make a Star Wars reference?" Bruce furrowed his brow in surprise.
Loki rolled his eyes, pacing over to the van.
"I'm telling Wren," Bruce grinned, leaning back over his work.
"No you are not," Loki chuckled threateningly, still facing the quantum tunnel.
"I think she'd be happy to hear it."
"She needs to be here first. Are you certain a tunnel of this size can accommodate all of us?"
"No we'll probably have to build a bigger system that can jostle multiple directions inputted into the computer. I think I have my part up here done," he gestured to his station, "But we'll need to sync Tony's gps mechanism with the new frequencies of a larger-scaled stage. Though all of it should be compatible with what I've started here."
Loki had his chin lifted as he listened to the doctor, giving a nod when he was finished. Turning back to the vehicle, he distractedly played with the handle.
Bruce bit the inside of his lip as his eyes bore into the back of Loki, contemplating whether he should say anything. The god was clearly as lost as the rest of the team. The simple fact that he was now swinging a car door back and forth proved as much. But what could he say to him anyway? The others could give each other a comforting smile, a pat on the back, a reassuring word, all of which did nothing. But still, he could do that with the others. Loki though? He was an entirely different animal. Bruce wasn't sure he'd appreciate any words he could offer, most likely taking offense if he sensed Bruce's intent to comfort or aid him.
Looking to the side and shaking his head in irritation at himself, Bruce cleared his throat as subtly as possible.
"So, uh..."
Loki paused his fidgeting, head turning to Banner.
"...how'd you sleep?"
How did he sleep??? Bruce thought, wanting to pound his head against the machinery.
Loki's forehead scrunched a bit, mouth opened slightly as he gaped at Banner's question.
"How do you think?"
"Yeah uh, same, I get it," Bruce replied, making it look like he was working as he spoke. In reality he wasn't doing anything besides trying to appear distracted.
It was Loki's turn to look with uncertainty at the man across from him.
He's trying to talk with you. The hero need to ease every burden, even when they themselves are weighed down by the same thing.
Loki's knee-jerk reaction was to ignore his attempts. To smirk and scoff at them, relishing in the man's feeble actions. But talking felt good. Once again, that sense of not being alone in this struggle gave him a small slice of comfort. Knowing that he'd mentally promised Wren he'd try, he sighed, shaking his head at what he was about to do.
"How long have you been up?"
Bruce's head shot up from his "work", though he quickly looked back down to hide his shock.
"A few hours," he answered, lifting a more composed face to Loki, "Guess I needed something to do. Didn't seem any point in waiting."
Loki's eyes softened in understanding.
"Seems you have the benefit of something to do," Loki smirked.
"Sitting around eats at you, I know," Bruce nodded, taking a seat and folding his arms.
"How...how were we...how were you all supposed to manage five years of this?" Loki wondered, eyes searching the ceiling, as if for an answer.
"Well we didn't think there was a way to fix it, so we weren't exactly waiting around for something."
"That's worse," Loki scoffed.
"It is," he agreed grimly. Bruce didn't know what he would do, what he would feel, if there wasn't a chance to bring them back. If they had to find a way to move on with life. He knew they'd accomplished it to a degree, but he doubted any of them had ever actually moved on. The fact that they come back five years later showed that.
Loki was thinking similar thoughts, suddenly motivated by the reminder that at least they didn't have to go through the pain of pretending to cope with a world without those who were lost.
Bruce tapped a pencil nervously against his knee, not knowing what else to say.
"I'll leave you to your work," Loki said suddenly, head lowered like he was regretting having stayed so long.
Don't say it don't say it, Bruce thought, But he needs something to do! So what? He's not gonna want to anyway. But you should try?
"Hey," he stopped Loki as he walked past. Loki's eyebrows were raised expectantly, that look on his face that seemed like he was waiting to pounce on whatever ridiculous thing he was going to say. Bruce hesitated. "Um, Scott went to try to sleep some more, and and without him, I have no one to read back the data over there," he jutted his chin towards a display screen, "So uh, if you're looking for something to do I could---I could use the help?"
To Bruce, Loki's face was unreadable, though his eyes seemed...kind? Relieved? Bruce was bad at reading people, but he was pretty sure he'd detected at least a bit of appreciation on Loki's part...he hoped.
Loki thought for a second, more occupied with the gut feeling that had hit him when Bruce asked. In the past he'd have thought Bruce was simply doing it because he needed the help and no one else was around. Yes, Loki was smart, but he had that unwavering tendency to deny every good action, to view things in terms of gain. To assume others were calculating, scheming, selfish individuals, no matter how idiotic and brave they tried to be. With those natural defense mechanisms lowered over the past months, he now accepted what was clear to see. That Bruce was trying to be nice, despite how uncomfortable it made him. Loki was so preoccupied with these thoughts that he almost forgot to answer.
"Sure," he answered before he could stop himself, "Can't let you muck it all up if you were left to yourself," he joked immediately after.
"Yeah," Bruce chuckled, both out of relief and genuine amusement.
There was a moment where both stayed where they were, neither familiar with this new territory they found themselves in.
"Uh, it's right over there," Bruce pointed again to the screen, moving from the awkward scenario.
"Right," Loki said briskly, walking around the controls to the designated station.
***
While Loki and Bruce passed the time away, Steve had been unable to resist the urge...he'd pulled up footage from around the world, statistics, news feeds, etc. He forced himself to watch a world in shambles...the world he knew he'd failed. Nat came in, leaning her hands on the edge of the table, watching the horrors with him. Neither spoke for a while, silently witnessing the result of their mistakes.
"This is a nightmare," Cap muttered.
"I've had better nightmares," Nat responded, eyes not leaving the displays.
"Hey," Rhodey's voice called from behind, Cap and Nat turning to face him, "That signal thing has stopped."
"What?" Nat asked worriedly.
"It just stopped."
Nat looked to Steve, but the soldier seemed relieved, not upset.
"She's here," he said, leading the way past Rhodes.
The three of them entered the room with the beacon, finding the tiny screen dark. No signal was being cast.
"What, so that means she's here?" Rhodey asked.
"This is what happens when she comes in her end credit scene. Wren told me."
"She can't be far then," Nat said.
"Closer than you think," Cap smirked, and Nat tilted her head in confusion.
A sound made Romanoff whip around, coming face first with Captain Marvel.
"Where's Fury?" she asked, her face as hard and emotionless as it usually is.
"It's about damn time," Rhodey said, "We called for you over forty-eight hours ago."
Her eyes narrowed, sizing up the three of them.
"I had a lot of ground to cover. It doesn't help when worlds start collapsing on the way. Now where's Fury? Is he...?"
"I'm sorry," Nat confirmed.
Carol swallowed back the lump in her throat.
"What happened?" she demanded more than asked.
"It's a long story," Steve answered, "But we need your help."
They adjourned to a more comfortable sitting room, calling everyone together.
"Look who it is," Clint said in mock excitement upon seeing Marvel.
"How kind of you to show up," Loki added, walking in with Bruce right after Barton.
She gave them both a glare for their comments, but refrained from saying anything.
"We're all a bit...tired," Steve explained off their behavior to Danvers.
"Who are you guys?" she asked firmly, cutting right to the chase.
"We're the Avengers," Nat answered.
"An initiative inspired by you, created by Fury," Steve added, "Earth's mightiest heroes."
"We're in a bit of a slump at the moment though," Clint chimed.
"Billions have disappeared across the universe," she said pointedly, staring at Clint.
"...ok, so a bit of a large slump," he corrected. Even when attempting humor, he did so in a serious fashion. That's how most joked lately. They chuckled or sassed, but all in a monotone way. An imitation of true amusement.
"There's a way to get them back," Steve said, "But we need to find our friend first. He's hurt and drifting in space, air and food running out in 20 days."
"First you're going to explain what's going on."
"It's hard enough without the months of backstory about a reality-traveling kid," Rhodey said, earning an inquisitive look from Carol.
"She's not really a kid," Loki corrected.
"Clarifying before the two of you hook up so it ain't weird?" Clint asked, and Loki glared across the room to him.
"Someone had better start making sense," Danvers warned, clenched fists beginning to glow at her sides.
"Her hands are on fire Miek," Korg whispered.
"That's awesome," Scott muttered, smiling like a child watching a show.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Thor said genuinely.
"Not only foolish, but time-consuming," Loki backed his brother.
"We'll explain everything, but it's gonna be weird to hear," Steve assured her.
So began the tale of Wren. How she got there, her situation, the events stopped, the events to come, the loss at Wakanda, and the plan to get everyone back. Carol's face was, once again, pretty emotionless. She'd shown skepticism early on, but now she stood with her stern expression. Very abruptly, she turned heel and marched from the room.
"Where's she going?" Scott asked as everyone jogged after her.
"Danvers," Cap called, but it didn't stop her.
"What're you doing?" Nat pleaded, and she finally paused.
"In 19 days, Thanos destroys the stones. If the movies are followed. I have to find your friends before that. Maybe Nebula can lead us to the Garden before it's too late."
"Unlikely," Loki said disparagingly.
"It's worth a shot," Steve said, "Go."
She nodded, running off once again. With her gone, everyone looked around at each other.
"So...what do we do now?" Scott asked.
"We wait," Steve answered, heading off down the hall.
***
A week passed without word from Captain Marvel. Time was an ally in some respects, an adversary in others. On the one hand, the team was finding it easier to try and live their daily lives without just sitting around waiting for something to happen. Much was still left unsaid and undone. Movies, games, or anything of the sort felt wrong for anyone who wasn't Korg or Miek. The Avengers surely had the cream of the crop when it came to possible missions. Chaos had erupted in many cities and countries, violence and disarray threatening innocent lives. But they couldn't risk leaving the compound. Not when Danvers could fly in any day.
With large sources of entertainment out of the question, and their jobs essentially put on hold, the group was left with little to do. Still, as stated, time helped. People trained. They walked. They cleaned. They grew more comfortable talking.
The down side to time? It made Loki want to self-destruct. For every ounce of normalcy time brought him, it added a pound of worry, of stress and guilt. The burning need to make things right already was threatening to drive him insane. Additionally, the ease of moving on with daily activities only made one consider a future of such a life. He didn't like trying to live when nothing had been corrected. Now that he was forced to, even for a short time, he was terrified at the prospect of this being his future. Their future. He was certain the others were feeling the same.
Loki retreated to his room or the pool when he needed to be alone. Everyone had their own hiding place. But when his own thoughts grew too much for him, he was sure to find company. As if the team was a collective mind, everyone seemed to have the same need to be around others at the same exact time. It became a common thing to walk into a full kitchen, all pulled to the joint support group by some instinctive need. Nobody would admit the underlying reason for their arrival, but no one had to. Everyone knew.
Thor had gone back to Asgard to help Valkyrie. It was essential the brothers stay split, one on each planet, so the two places could keep in contact. Should Danvers arrive, whichever brother was on Asgard needed to be informed, and the link between Loki and Thor was the best way.
Thor, though the obvious choice to go help his people, had offered Loki the trip home, saying he'd stay on earth if his brother would rather be on Asgard. Loki had declined. Home would be a welcome sight, but it would be no different than any other happy thing. It'd be tainted with the nightmare around them, made sad by those who weren't here to enjoy it. Additionally, without Thor there weren't many up there with whom he could interact. Hating himself for admitting it, he wanted to stay with the Avengers.
Now he was sitting in Tony's elaborate pool room, which you could live in if you wanted to. The half without the pool was like a large lounge, with a bar and tables for summer evenings.
Nine days he thought to himself as he stared out at the calm water. She'd been dead for nine days. He had to remind himself that it wasn't as long for them, because they'd miss barely a second of time once brought back. If we bring them back.
He had to stop with this back and forth. From hope to despair. From optimism to what ifs. But that's how the mind worked. If one tells themselves not to think of something, they've just thought of it, and it was impossible for Loki or the team to keep negative outcomes from creeping into their heads.
"Evening swim?" Loki asked blandly to the man he'd known had walked in behind him.
"That's more Sam's thing," Cap said, walking to take a seat in one of the cushy beach-like chairs.
"Marvel's return would be a little more urgent, so I assume you're here for something else."
"Just wanted to give you this," Steve said, handing a book to Loki.
Loki looked at the book like it might bite, eyes moving from the novel to the man holding it. Steve lifted his arm forward a little more, and Loki grabbed the item tentatively.
"Pride and Prejudice?" he asked, nose scrunching up in uncertainty.
"Wren recommended it to me. She said she was gonna make you read it next."
"Never mentioned it," he said, flipping open the cover.
"It's a little more of a romance than what you two usually read, but it's good."
"I've never seen you reading this. Hiding your choice of material from Stark?"
"And Sam...and Nat and Rhodey and everyone," he chuckled.
"I thought you'd be used to teasing by now," Loki said tauntingly, eyes skimming the first page.
"No need to give them more ammo."
Loki closed the book, squeezing it a little tighter as he hung his head.
"Thanks," he said, straightening himself, "But I don't think I can manage the focus to read."
Steve gave him a knowing look.
"Well in case you can, it's yours. Give Wren your thoughts when she comes back."
Loki's eyes closed as he sighed.
"Thank you," he said again, not knowing what else to say.
"See you at dinner?" Cap asked as he stood to leave.
Loki nodded, eyes trained on his feet.
"Ok," Steve said, "See you then."
When he was gone, Loki slowly lifted the book. His knee bounced as he considered trying to read. Wren hadn't mentioned the book to him, yet Steve wasn't one to lie. Hell, he was Captain America. Truth and honor oozed from him, to the point of extreme irritation. He thought about how he could mess with her when she was back. To reference the book without her knowledge of him reading it. Of how he'd pretend he'd read it a while ago and recommended it to her. All stupid fun, silly banter. The fantasy made him smile and he opened back to the first page.
***
"Where are Korg and Miek?" Nat asked, glancing around the kitchen as she sat with her meal.
"With Scott somewhere," Clint answered.
Rhodes was with Pepper over in the business center, both handling with Stark Industries issues as best as they could.
"And Loki?" she asked again.
"Disappeared again," Clint said.
"Saw him a little while ago. Said he was coming, but I don't know," Steve said.
"Does he seem...ok to you guys?" Bruce asked the table.
"Are any of us?" Nat noted.
"No yeah, he's clearly as bad as the rest of us. But he's handling it a little...better I guess than I thought," Bruce explained.
"Isn't that a good thing?" Clint questioned.
"Just want to make sure he's really as composed as he seems he's trying to be, or if crazy is brewing underneath again. We wouldn't exactly know if it was, right?" Bruce continued.
"He appears genuine," Vision stated, "And he's lost as much as any of us."
"That's what has me worried," Bruce said, "I've wanted to try and keep him busy, keep him around us, but we're all in the same boat. Not a lot of group activities."
"You think he'd resort back to his old self," Nat explained more than asked.
"I'm not saying he would," Bruce said hastily, "I just want to help that, ya know, not happen."
"He's not," Nat said, eyes lost in thought, "We'd know. He's not the only one fighting to keep going."
"Not everyone here as a dangerous half to fall back to," Clint said.
"Don't we?" Nat challenged, "You remember what I was? I used to have nothing. Then I got this job. This family. And I was--I was better because of it. And now, even though they're gone...I'm still trying to be better. So's he. Trust me. If anyone can tell what's going through his head... I can."
Everyone nodded, eating in relative silence, small talk passed around sparsely. Soon, a chime went off, a display popping up on the counter. Nat sighed, standing to go check.
"Guys," Nat said, turning the heads of the others, "You wanna see this."
Cap's brow furrowed at the footage in front of him.
"Is that?" Clint asked, looking between Vis and Cap.
"Yes," Vision confirmed.
"What is this?" Cap asked.
"It's the front door," she answered.
***
Loki was a few chapters through before he realized how much time had passed. He didn't think it was possible to distract himself, but Rogers had given him the proper tool. He'd given him the nudge to at least try, and it had worked. Whether it was his current grateful attitude towards the Captain or his hunger, he decided he should make an appearance at dinner. He was already later than the others would be, but he was sure they'd still be there. Sitting together at this time was a frequent occurrence.
He continued to read over the page he was on, mentally noting the number. Due to this, he was looking down at his book as he entered the kitchen. He'd heard voices, all of which had stopped when he entered. Freezing in his strides, he clapped the book shut, raising his head slowly to observe whatever awkward scenario he'd walked in on.
The team wasn't sitting. They were standing next to each other, grouped on one side of the room. All eyes were on him, some looking worried...looking like Loki might do something.
He opened his mouth to question what it was he'd done, but that's when he saw the man through the others. Loki's eyes widened in shock, before quickly swimming with anger. He didn't need to ask who he was.
"Hello," Zemo said, trying to appear confident but seeming stressed.
Loki glanced at Rogers, who held a hand up.
"Loki, let him explain---" he started, but the dagger had already materialized in the god's hands.
More notes: Hey again! So yeah, not a lot happened in this chapter, but it was the necessary bridge between events. I wanted to focus on both the team's collective struggle and Loki's personal struggle. I had to think how being part of a team and influenced by heroes for months would affect how he handles grief, so I tried giving time and scenarios dedicated to that. He's not alone anymore, even without Wren, so the struggle for him is going to be opening his eyes to that, which he tried to do. Not only that, it's like when he tried to tell Thanos to go ahead and kill Thor in Infinity War but he couldn't bring himself to do it...he can't just fall back into his old habits anymore. So trying to fall back to a loner who's gonna hate anyone and everyone for what happened just isn't as easy for him anymore. We've seen his character development through the eyes of Wren, so through his actions mostly. But now we had access to what he thinks and feels. So there had to be growth there that mirrored what we've seen through Wren. Which is why he has kind thoughts about others, even if he fights himself on it sometimes. When in his head we can see how he's come to like being a part of them, just as we've come to see through Wren. Anyway, that's why much didn't happen this chapter. Nothing b
big at least. Hope y'all enjoyed!