"Yes?"
"I'm just looking at this picture. I just found it really meaningful."
"Oh. Well, indeed, it is."
The woman seemed fascinated at the picture being hung on the wall at the picture gallery. Well, her comment is right though. I took the picture myself.
I remember that day. It was the day that I was so stressed out because I still didn't have any ideas for my concept for the upcoming photo exhibit. I got tired of thinking so I turned on the television and on the screen, I saw her, my good friend Anna. She's a TV news reporter at a local news channel. She looked so professional – serious but beautiful. Then something came to my mind. I grabbed my phone and dialled her number.
"Hey, this is Anna. Please leave a message."
"Hey, it's me. I just want to tell you that that red scarf you're wearing today looks ugly on the television. Anyway, I need your help. Want to come over? I've got pizza."
Then I hung up.
Anna and I have always been like that – teasing each other. I loved teasing her. She's the kind of person that when you tease, goes red on the cheeks and tries to take revenge by teasing back but then always fails. She always had great ideas when it comes to art and she's the kind of person that never hesitates to help. An hour later, I received a knock on my door.
"This scarf is Chanel and I still look pretty!" She exclaimed as she entered my living room.
"Oh hey Chanel, nice to meet you! Who's this narcissistic girl who came with you?"
"Really, James? Six years of friendship and I'm still part of your "to bully list"? Really?"
"You should be thankful you're on that list. That means you mean a lot to me." I winked.
By that time, we were already friends for six years. And four years of those were times when she'd been helping me to get this girl I really liked. At times when I get sad, she has always been there. I was so thankful for having a good friend like her. Or at least that was the way I saw her before – a good friend.
We ate pizza in my living room while we both sat on the carpet with a paper and a pen in Anna's hands.
"Okay, how about this. How about a fairytale theme! You know, you get someone to dress up as Tinkerbell or something."
"That's a great idea! Maybe we could also invite mascots from Happy Tree Friends!" I showed a sarcastic tone of glee.
"You really don't understand my aesthetic."
Yeah. Her jokes were also lame.
"Hey, how about we go for a walk for a while."
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea to think about stuff but I'll bring my camera in case something comes up."
So we went for a walk. We went to the boulevard and grabbed some milkshakes. Anna always had this cheerful and energetic disposition. She was always full of energy.
"You know, I really find you and your job ironic."
I told her as we were walking.
"Why?"
"Well, your job requires serious stuff, and you... well, you're the rainbow girl with smiles and energy and all that stuff."
Then I clicked the camera as I captured her laughing as she brushed her hair behind her ear. She looked so beautiful.
"By the way, I've got two tickets for the basketball game tomorrow night."
She knew I loved basketball.
"I think I'll just have to watch the replay on the television. I've got this thing with Denise."
"Denise? You're still chasing her?"
I had been in love with Denise for four years. I didn't know exactly why I fell for her in the first place. There was just something about her, but then she had been playing with my feelings for her and unfortunately, I didn't see it back then.
"I think I still have a shot with her."
I could see the change of mood in Anna by the time I said that. She didn't respond to what I said. She just stared at her milkshake with a serious face.
By that time, we had stopped walking and just looked at the sunset view which was the main reason why people go to that boulevard. Well, I was actually the only one who was looking at the sunset. Anna was staring at the milkshake she held.
*Click!*
______________________________________________________________________________
"Do you know her?" Asked the woman who was still staring at my framed photograph on the wall at the exhibit.
"Yeah. She was... a good friend of mine."
"Was?"
I didn't actually know what to answer her. The serious staring-at-the-milkshake face of Anna in that picture contains a rich backstory that I only knew just recently.
"How about this picture? She looks very happy here."
The woman referred to another picture of Anna on the wall. The picture was entitled, "How do you know if you like someone?". She was laughing so hard with mouth wide open with an ice cream cone held in her hand.
That was the night that she was upset because of some problems with her job. I volunteered to come over to her place and when I arrived, I found her sitting on her doorstep, crying.
I did my best to console her during that time, but nothing seemed to work until an ice cream truck stopped by in front of us.
"Well, I can buy you an ice cream."
She smiled.
"Might as well go for stress eating."
She sighed then wiped away the tears on her eyes and stood up. I bought each of us an ice cream but when I tried to eat mine, the ice cream fell off the cone. She laughed so hard seeing the look on my face.
*Click!*
"Now you're happy!"
"Thanks, James. Now can we talk about something else?"
I was glad she asked that question. I had been thinking about Denise and my feelings for her and in those times, I wasn't sure anymore. I was confused. I was in love with Denise but I spent most of my time with Anna and strangely, I felt a lot happier every time I was with Anna than the time I spent with Denise.
"Hey, Anna. Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah sure."
"How do you know if you like someone?"
"Wow. I didn't expect that question."
I smiled at her. "Just answer it."
"Well, I think I like someone when I subconsciously laugh at his lame jokes."
I laughed when I heard her answer but somehow, I think she's right. Most of us, when we like someone, we laugh at their jokes no matter how lame they are.
When I got home that night, I couldn't stop thinking about Anna's answer to my question. How do you know if you like someone? If you laugh at their lame jokes. Then I recalled – for six years, Anna had been laughing at my lame jokes and I did the same to her lame jokes as well. Could it be? I was so in denial. Maybe it was just a platonic thing, I thought.
______________________________________________________________________________
"Big mistakes? How could a picture of a beautiful view of the city lights be entitled as "Big Mistakes"?" The woman asked. She was looking at the third photograph of mine on the wall.
When I took that picture, I wasn't aware yet that I made a big mistake in going to that place. I was at a rooftop party and I was so excited being there because I knew that Denise will be at that party too. I was thinking of asking her out again, for the nth time, when we see each other at that party. I was excited but at the same time, nervous. Then finally, she showed up. I gathered all of my guts while walking through the crowd towards her. My eyes were fixed only to her despite the number of people at that party until I heard my phone ring.
"James!"
It was Anna.
"It's an emergency. Please help me! Please!"
By the sound of her voice, she seemed nervous and worried but I ignored it. I was drawing closer to Denise.
"Not now, Anna. I'll just call you later. Bye!"
Then I hung up.
After that party, I went straight to Anna's but when I got there, she wasn't home yet so I waited and sat on her doorstep. When she finally arrived, I ran to her and hugged her.
"Anna! Thank God you finally arrived!" I exclaimed as I hugged her tight.
"Denise has a boyfriend, Anna. I can't believe it. After all this time, she didn't tell me. I'm so stupid and I'm so mad at her. I didn't know what to do so I came here to – "
"I almost got killed tonight."
"What?"
I was startled at her interruption. I examined her face and she looked like she had been crying and she looked tired.
"When I called and told you that it was an emergency, I was serious. Two men followed me on the street on my way home from work and one of them tried to rob me. Everything moved so fast and the next thing I knew the other guy almost stabbed me with a knife."
"Oh my God! Are you okay?"
It was a stupid question.
"No! Look, I'm tired. I just want to go to bed. Just go call Denise."
She walked through her doorway and slammed the door shut. She didn't even look back at me. I couldn't believe how stupid and selfish I was. I wasn't able to sleep that night. I cared about Anna and that night, I wasn't able to protect her because I chose Denise over her emergency phone call only to find out that I've been betting on the wrong horse.
Big mistakes.
I didn't see Anna for five months after that night. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer. When I tried to visit her at her place, I found out that she moved to a new place. I tried to call her at work, too, only to find out that she quit her job.
One afternoon, I turned on the television and went through the channels until I stumbled upon a news channel. It was Anna who did the reporting but it was a different channel. I was so happy to see her. I ran to the door, hailed a cab and went to the office of that news channel and just when I arrived there, I saw Anna just getting out of the building.
"Anna!" I called her while running towards her.
"James?"
"Anna! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed while panting in front of her.
"James – "
"Remember when I asked you how do you know if you like someone? Well, I have another question. How do you know if you love someone?"
"James, I really don't – "
"Well, for me, I love someone when I feel happy when I spend my time with her. Six years, Anna. Six years and I'm very happy every time I spend my time with you."
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean to say is that I love you. I love you since before, Anna and it was so stupid for me to realize that for only now."
After I said that, I expected happiness from her and I expected that things between us will become better but then the expression on her face told me that those expectations of mine would be far from being realized. She took out a deep breath and looked at me with sullen eyes and for a few seconds, she didn't say anything.
"Anna, please say something."
"I don't know what to say. I've been in love with you for six years."
When she said that, I knew that what she was about to say next won't make me happy.
"For six years I have been living under your shadow hoping that you would realize soon about my feelings for you. But you didn't until now. I've had enough, James. The last night we saw each other made me realize that I've had enough. So I went away and not seeing you for five months made me make a lot of progress with myself than I ever did in the past six years. I saw a lot of opportunities for my career and here I am now being a reporter in a national news channel. I saw a lot of opened doors that I never saw before and I discovered more of myself."
"Anna, I – "
"And I finally found a guy who makes me happy."
Hearing what she said was painful. It was like being stabbed from the inside of my body and I wanted to cry but I knew that crying in front of her would be a bad idea. I didn't know what to say.
"Goodbye James."
She was about to leave.
"Wait, Anna. Can we still be friends?"
"No. At least not now."
Then she turned and walked away.
*Click!*
______________________________________________________________________________
"So I guess this picture explains the "was" you said a while ago about this girl being your good friend?"
The woman asked as she pointed out the picture of Anna turning her back and walking away.
"Yes." I answered.
"I suppose you love her."
"A lot." Then there was silence for a few seconds.
"Well, I hate to break it to you but you forgot to put a title on this photo."
"Oh yeah. I guess I did."
"So what's its title?"
It took a few seconds for me to answer the question. I just stared at the photograph of Anna turning her back on me.
"I think I still have a shot with her."