CW: Mental health issues
"You need a fucking therapy." He Xuan screamed as he held back his roommate by the armpits.
"Let me go!" Hua Cheng yelled, puffing and struggling swinging a pair of scissors as if to kill.
Yin Yu remained quiet and just tried pulling out the pair which Hua Cheng held like a murder weapon but his grip was too tight. He pried each finger open and soon had to duck when he swung a fist blindly.
"You wanna cut open your vein because someone asked you to redo your work? Are you kidding me? Even I do not hate my life as much!" He Xuan yelled over his struggles.
Hua Cheng stopped. Now that the reason was held in front of him did he realise how stupid it was to lose his life for. He Xuan, realising that he had beaten some sense in him, let him go and plopped into the couch.
"Therapy. Get therapy. You are filthy rich, so the fees should not be a matter." he said again, in a sigh.
"I don't wanna talk about myself to shitty strangers." Hua Cheng snapped. He already had issues making friends. Talk to a stranger about his problems?
Hell nah!
"They are professionals." Yin Yu nodded. "Your urges to kill and self harm needs professional help. From someone who knows what in world they are doing."
"Yes, one day we won't be home and you will do us a favour and kill someone or worse yourself." He Xuan humphed, unwrapping a chocolate nut bar and chomped on it angrily.
"The Heaven Hearth hospital is well known for its psych department. Why do you not go and at least check it out? You might like it." Yin Yu said, carefully taking the scissors away and locking it in the kitchen drawer.
Later Yin Yu had pinned the phone number onto the refrigerator, for the future. And Hua Cheng found himself calling the reception number, booking a consulting appointment and standing sheepishly at the help desk.
"Please follow me, Young Sir" a cheery woman said, almost dragging him into the psych ward and entering one of the rooms. Unlike his fantasised dull white wall, a wooden table and two chairs, he was met by a well furnished office room, with a single couch, a two sitter sofa, a low coffee table and a lot of potted plants and paintings. He took in a breath and sat down on the sofa.
"A resident will come in and have a little chat with you to fix a schedule. Feel free to use the coffee machine." She said. Hua Cheng squinted his eyes to read the name plaque - Shi Qingxuan it said.
She left after he nodded. He did not wish to have coffee at the moment so, he waited. The ticking of the clock was loud and he could hear the soft rumbling of the air conditioner. When the door opened again with an alert knock and a soft click, he looked up and ... stared.
In came a man in white and blue scrubs, gorgeous beyond words to describe, smile a bit silly but not less adorable. His caramel hair was short and fluffy. He flashed a wide smile at the college student, a nervous blush spreading lightly over his cheekbones. Damn, had he known a shrink could heal with such looks, Hua Cheng would have opted for therapy a long time back. Looking at him, he felt it would have been better if he had run the comb through his own hair, and at least wear a proper shirt .
The resident sat down on the couch and flipped through the file pages in his hand.
"Hua Cheng... right?" He looked at the boy to meet his expectant gaze. "It is nice to meet you. You look quite dashing!" He smiled widely, "I am Xie Lian and I have just started my residency a few weeks ago. You are really my first real patient so, bear with me."
Damn he also had a beautiful voice.
"Ah, Dr Xie, I fade under your shine" he managed without stuttering.
"My! I am in my scrubs! Is the weather not amazing today?"
Weather???
Hua Cheng looked out the window and saw, indeed the sky was brilliant blue, with flaky white bits of clouds floating around. The cityscape looked scenic and was bathed in the bright sunshine.
"Y-Yeah it is." He looked back at the doctor who was watching him closely.
"Hmm, so do you have some other name you prefer being called? Like a nickname?" Xie Lian asked carefully. Hua Cheng thought of a while - surely he could not ask his doctor to call him all the curses his roommates shower upon him.He just remembered a distant memory of his mother. So he decided to say this:
"My roommates call me by my name. And...My mother used to call me San Lang, when I was small."
"Ok! So San Lang, tell me, what did you have for breakfast today?" Xie Lian sounded cheery, as if befriending him.
"I...um..." Hua Cheng never registered what he ate most of the time. His brows furrowed as he tried to remember hard, "An avocado toast... with maple syrup... poached egg... orange juice. One of my roommates made it."
"Oooh! What did that taste like? Did you feel like running a marathon after it?" Xie Lian's arms took a proud running pose.
He decided to be truthful, "I did not really taste it. I mean, food all tastes the same. And no, I did not feel like moving around after breakfast. I dragged myself here."
"That was a big first step right there." Xie Lian said as he quickly noted something down in his i-pad.
"I noticed you calling your roommates, roommates and not friends..." Xie Lian asked slowly, stylus ready to take down notes, honey brown eyes fixed on his patient, noticing every twitch and hesitance.
"I cannot really call them my friends, Dr Xie... we stick together because we have to?" Hua Cheng tried to sound calm, but his knees won't stop bouncing.
"Who makes lunch, San Lang?" Xie Lian asked.
"I eat in the college cafe." Hua Cheng said with a sigh.
"And dinner?"
"We just throw few things together and eat."
Honestly, he has never put so much thought into what he was eating. He just ate whatever he could find whenever he felt hungry. Rather, he was surprised by someone asking him about meals with so much interest.
"Do you prepare meals?"
"Instant stuff, Dr Xie. Just throw it in boiling water."
"When did you last clean your room?"
Hua Cheng thought hard. His room looked like a tsunami struck disaster site. The only chair in it was overflowing with canvases, stray brushes, and paint tubes. His floor is littered with packets of chips, paper coffee cups, paint stained scalpels, pens, notebooks, books and maybe even his laptop. His closet was on another level, if one opened it hastily, they would immediately get buried in blankets and shirts and Tees which he just had stuffed in, without even bothering to fold them. The only thing clean was his corner, where he painted and his bed.
"It has been a while..." he smiled nervously.
"Aha, no need to be embarrassed, no matter how bad, it can't be worse than mine." the doctor laughed.
"San Lang, when have you last taken care of yourself?" his voice dropped a bit.
Hua Cheng's mind took time to process it. Taken care? As in masturbation? Was the doctor asking him about self pleasure? Should he confess, he had never...or were people his age normally supposed to do so often?
"I - I do not ...pleasure myself."
Now it was time for Xie Lian's face to flush red.
"N-No! I did not mean that. I meant a good shower, hair care, skin care and stuff!" He wildly flapped around his arms, almost knocking down the vase next to him.
"Dr Xie, do I look like someone who doesn't bathe?" Hua Cheng asked
He hated feeling dirty, so the only thing he did good to himself was to bathe every single day, probably multiple times a day. Now his brain was going haywire. Did he not use enough soap, did the new shampoo not smell nice? WAS HE STINKING?
"San Lang, how silly of me. I can practically see your hair is damp and the room smells like jasmine. It must be from your shampoo. But your skin looks too dry... nails are chipped too. I am sorry, I shou-"
"Doctor is worrying too much"
"Please, I am barely a doctor. Call me by my name, I do not mind."
How could he be so disrespectful to someone as gorgeous as the utterly clueless-about-his-beauty doctor in front of him?
"Gege, can I call you gege?"
His heartbeat stuttered when Xie Lian blushed again. Tucking a stray stand of hair behind his ear, he nodded. His hand flew over the i-pad as he wrote furiously on it with the stylus and then solemnly asked,
"So, San Lang, what made you come visit today?"
Hua Cheng kept shut and looked around the room, avoiding eye contact. When he realised Xie Lian won't budge if he did not get an answer, he said, "My roommates said I needed help."
"Is there a reason they said so, San Lang?"
Hearing his nickname said in such a way, in a way that made him feel he had known this doctor his entire life. It hurt when it dawned upon him, they were perfect strangers till the moment the door opened.
"I tried to cut my wrist be-because my professor asked me to redo my entire project. " Hua Cheng said with a small voice, feeling so, so, so stupid. "It was a idiotic reason. A silly one. I am just a joke, it doesn't matt -"
"Nobody's problems are silly and idiotic, San Lang and you are not an exception. That is why we exist. To help you. You are not a joke, neither is your life. You were born to be happy."
Hua Cheng's mind short circuited. Born to be happy... was he not bullied throughout his entire childhood, called a monster and excluded by all the children of his age just because of his heterochromia, so much so that he had to start wearing a white medical eye patch? It was the first time that someone said he was born to be happy. Even his mother in her hysterics had claimed he existed only to destroy. He felt this unknown feeling of warmth that bloomed into his chest to overwhelm him, and his eyes pricked a little. He just hung his head and played with his shirt buttons. Hearing some shuffles, he looked up and saw Xie Lian was already standing. His heart plummeted. He messed up, did he not? Hua Cheng really wanted to talk more...but, instead he got up too.
As they walked out to a counter outside the office room, Xie Lian said,
"We will need a few of your details and days you will be available. My attending will decide how to conduct the therapy with you." They reached the desk. The same cheery lady, Shi Qingxuan perked up. Xie Lian gestured with his hand and she immediately opened a new form on her desktop and took his iPad to transfer the data.
"Gege, you won't be holding the sessions?" His heart definitely broke.
"Ah, San Lang, I am just a resident. You would be my first patient. I really do not think I should do it just yet. You deserve better care." Xie Lian scratched his neck, laughing slightly.
"But gege, it was because I was comfortable with you that I could open up. I could not have otherwise." Hua Cheng desperately tried to convince him.
"San Lang, you shouldn't decide what you can and can't that easily." Xie Lian chided fondly.
"It is true" he pouted, looking like a deserted pet.
Xie Lian sighed. Shi Qingxuan stopped filling up the form, looked up, darting her eyes to and fro between the men, a cheeky smile stretching.
"Patient's preferences are top priority." She said in a singsong, clapping her hands together.
"Qingxuan I know. I just... Only if San Lang is absolutely sure and insists." Xie Lian sighed.
"I am absolutely insisting." Hua Cheng nodded vigorously.
"Alright, I need to talk to my attending. You will receive an email depending on his answer." Xie Lian explained, and he turned around jerkily and walked away.
Hua Cheng nodded, feeling bubbly and giddy with anticipation and watched him disappear around the bend in the corridor.
"Ahem, young man, Hua Cheng...or should I call you San Lang too?"
"Don't you dare." He said coldly, tearing his eyes off to meet Shi Qingxuan smiling mischievously.
Filling up the form was not difficult, mostly because it had been half typed out . Soon, Hua Cheng walked out of the hospital. Instead of calling a cab, he ran, ran the six kilo meters to his dorm, enjoying for the first time in his life, the feel of cool wind against his face, the beads of sweat tickling down his forehead and the heat of the sun against his skin.
I hope, really pray, that, Hua Cheng wouldn't mind me being this late...
This is WIP so, please wait patiently for the next chapters...
Keep it in your library to get notified about updates...
Bye~