Read on to see two medicine cats turned lovers, divided by life and death, reunite after moons and moons of struggle, confusion, and grief...
Jayfeather's POV
Chapter 1
The strong and sweet scent of marigold flooded through my nose, nearly knocking off my concentration as I intently spread a poultice across one of several... several wounds that I'd had to treat that day.
"There you go," I muttered to Squirrelflight, who I had felt flinch when I'd touched my paw to her flank. I then cleared my throat before licking the remains off of my paws. "Take it easy for a little while so that it can set. If the pain still persists tonight, let me know." The amount of times I've had to say that recently... if I were someone else having to hear me say that over and over, I'd strangle myself with my own tail!
"Thank you, Jayfeather," Squirrelflight then purred, and although I couldn't see it, I could practically feel Squirrelflight's green gaze burning into my fur. I was tempted to continue licking my paw just so I wouldn't have to acknowledge it.
But nevertheless, I let out an almost inaudible sigh and glanced in the dark ginger she-cat's direction as she spoke again. However, I had to keep myself from shifting uncomfortably. "I hope you know how proud I am of you," Squirrelflight, the she-cat that I had once known to be my mother, went on. "I don't know where ThunderClan would be without you and your brilliance."
I simply gave the she-cat a small nod in response, flashing her a grateful look that she probably couldn't see, or recognize. And I'm fine with that.
I then nearly let out a sigh of relief as I heard Squirrelflight finally get up to her paws. "So, where is your mother?" The older she-cat then cleared her throat, and she seemed to shake her head quickly when I flicked my ears in surprise. "Sorry - where is Leafpool?"
For some reason, I felt a small wave of guilt at the thought of Squirrelflight having to correct herself in that way. I hesitated for several heartbeats before replying to her. "Leaf..."
I then closed my eyes, letting out a sigh before flicking my tail towards the entrance to the medicine den. "...My mother is over by the camp entrance," I finally forced out. "Don't go over there and waste her time; she's helping Briarlight with her exercises."
Although I didn't want to take back what I had said, and how I had said it, I couldn't help but look away again as I felt a huge rush of affection and pride come from Squirrelflight's direction. "Will do," she then nearly whispered before beginning to pad out of the den. "Thank you, Jayfeather."
I only grunted in response, but turned back towards the den entrance as Squirrelflight made her way out. I ruthlessly was trying to push down the affectionate and warmth that was threatening to grow in my heart. How differently this encounter would have gone just a half moon ago...
Then, once I was sure that Squirrelflight's dark ginger tail had disappeared through the bramble screen of the medicine den entrance, I let out a long, frustrated sigh as I turned to pad towards the back of my den. I was filled with so much more anger, and so much more resentment at what Squirrelflight and Leafpool had done to deceive Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and me... I reflected. But after all that has happened since the secret came out about our real parents... I've learned to move past that grudge that we held against them for so long. It brought more bad than good in a lot of ways.
I then nearly had to hold back a hiss as I came to a stop right in front of my herb stock. That whole thing has become the least of my worries anyway, and not necessarily by choice...
Letting out a huff, I then began to sniff around the piles of herbs, which hadn't been organized at all that day. Also not by choice...
As the cats of ThunderClan had flowed into the den throughout the day, I'd only had enough time to grab what I needed from the store to get cats in and out as quickly as possible. Now, all that was left as the sun was beginning to set was a big, horrendous mess, and the smells of all the different herbs were actually beginning to blend together.
Praying to StarClan that another cat wouldn't stroll in, complaining about their battle wounds, I then began to sort the jumble of herbs. If another cat walks in here, I'm just about ready to just grab a pawful of herbs, throw it at them, and tell them to pick what they want and treat themselves!
If I hadn't made it obvious enough already (if not, where is your mind?), the medicine den had been very busy since the Great Battle, and I had probably seen every cat in ThunderClan at least two times. The battle had just been about a quarter moon ago, but it had like much, much longer.
And when I wasn't treating my Clanmates' wounds - some simple scratches, and some nearly fatal - my mind had been swirling with even more exhausting thoughts - thoughts of the countless amounts of evil spirits that had poured into the ThunderClan camp, my powers that had felt so overwhelmingly strong, and seeing cats that I had known for moons and moons go to StarClan - including Firestar, my kin and ThunderClan's leader, and Hollyleaf, my own sister.
I could still hardly believe that the two of them, among many others, were gone, all because of a pointless grudge that many dead cats felt that they needed to express through violence.
But despite that, and despite all of the almost unbearable grief and anger that I still felt every single day, I still tried to remind myself of the good; the Clan now thrived under new leadership - my foster father, Bramblestar, with his deputy, Lilypetal. The two definitely made a great team, but also individually brought so much hope and spirit that the Clan sought out now more than ever.
And Leafpool was also helping me in the medicine den - only after I had reluctantly allowed her to. But somehow, I'd found it in my heart to forgive her.
Things were just fine, and I truthfully hadn't been able to say that in a long, long time.
But that thought quickly burned to ash like a wildfire rushing through a forest when I suddenly heard movement behind me, and what felt lick a small rock hit the back of my head.
I let out an enraged hiss as I touched one of my paws to my head. "What in the name of-" I then whipped myself around as I continued to hiss, and I could feel my lips curling back into a snarl. "Who threw that?"
It only took me a moment for me to answer my own question, and I let my fur lay flat again as I quickly recognized the scent that flooded through my nose, and the purr that I could hear coming from the medicine den's entrance. "Goldenshine! What in the name of StarClan is wrong with you!?" I scoffed at my friend, my tail still twitching with irritation. "What was that?"
The golden brown tabby she-cat didn't reply immediately, and all I heard was what sounded like a small object roll across the den, eventually stopping at my paws. I flicked my ears as I recognized the scent, and lifted my head as I then heard Goldenshine's pawsteps trot towards me.
"A juniper berry!" she finally exclaimed through what sounded like a full mouth. Once she had arrived to my stock of herbs, I heard the several plops of berries landing on the ground next to my herb stock. "I grabbed a bunch for you!"
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Great. More work to do. "Well, aren't you so nice," I muttered through gritted teeth.
Goldenshine then seemed to push the berries around with her paws. "I have no idea if you actually need them, but they looked especially good today." I then felt her poke my shoulder her tail. "And they reminded me of your eyeballs."
I rolled my eyes once again, or... eyeballs, as I then turned back to my herbs. "Wow, I am so grateful."
I then nearly felt Goldenshine's fur brush my own as she padded up to sit next to me, helping me to go through my herbs. "You should be!" she exclaimed before letting out a huff as I grabbed one of her paws and guided it to the right pile she had been looking for. "I clearly put a lot of thought into the gesture."
I couldn't help but sniff at that comment. "Throwing something at me that you think resembles my eyeball?"
I then watched, intrigued, as Goldenshine then seemed to grab another herb - yarrow, sniff it, and then put it in the correct pile. "Precisely," she then meowed, and I was almost certain that she'd winked at me.
I then shook my head slowly as I turned back to my herbs once again. "I hope you know that you're one of the only cats I know that would be able to get away with something like that."
"What?"
"Nothing."
Thank StarClan that Goldenshine had matured in at least some aspects since I'd first known her, and she didn't probe. Instead, she let out a small huff and lightly threw another juniper berry at me.
I let out a small purr of amusement, managing to throw it back at her as I felt a wave of affection rush through me. She is the wackiest and most stubborn cat that I have ever met, I thought as I began to build up the yarrow pile with her. But at the same time, she blows my mind every day, and we've been through so much together - figuring out an entire cat's destiny ought to bring you closer to someone.
I then shook my head lightly as I snorted. Or maybe I'm just crazy, I then thought. I'm sure I couldn't get her away from me even if I wanted her to. "So, how was your day?" I then asked Goldenshine. I rolled my eyes once again as I began to bring all of the juniper berries into a single pile. "You know, when you weren't pelting juniper berries at your medicine cat."
Goldenshine let out an annoyed sigh before replying. "It was just fine!" she finally exclaimed. Then, after a moment, she seemed to shift her posture, and I sensed a large bout of excitement rush through her pelt. "Actually... it was pretty great!"
She then let out a satisfied huff, and I could hear leaves shuffling as she slightly brought her focus back to the herbs. "For one, I still can't believe that Cherrypaw is just days from becoming a warrior."
I grunted and flashed the golden brown she-cat a mockingly contemptuous look. "Somehow you've gotten her to that point." After Goldenshine snorted and gave me a small nudge on the shoulder, I then meowed, "Her assessment is tomorrow, right?"
"Darn right, it is!" Goldenshine then nearly squealed. "I know that she'll do incredibly well, and surely she'll be able to get her name soon after that!"
I then heard her let out yet another amused snort. "Swiftflight is absolutely ecstatic."
I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows in intrigue and amazement. "Oh, yeah?" That tom being ecstatic for a genuinely good reason, who would've thought?
"Uh... yeah!" Goldenshine replied, and I could almost sense her eager nod. "He's already added double the moss to his nest in the warriors den so that it'll be ready for her, and I don't know how many times he's come up to me asking me when her ceremony is."
I then heard her tail just barely brush against the ground, telling me that she was likely gesturing toward the outside of the medicine den. "He's even out hunting with her right now to help her practice for her assessment," she went on. "But I'm not even sure what practice she needs - she was excellent in training this morning."
"Or maybe Swiftflight just has a better sense of progress than his mother," I muttered. After Goldenshine gave me yet another nudge, I asked, "What about the rest of your day?"
The she-cat seemed to take a moment to think before replying. "Well, I took a nap after the dawn patrol and training, and then I went hunting with Dustystorm," she eventually answered. "And of course, we had to race a few times!"
I let out a sigh and rolled my eyes as I began to pick through all of the marigold. "Kits act more mature than the two of you combined, I swear."
"You're just jealous. Anyway, then we took a little rest out by the lake, and took a walk!" I then nearly flinched as I felt yet another small berry hit me in the shoulder. "That's when I grabbed the berries for you!"
I picked the berry up, placing it into a big pile with the others. "Did you tell Dustystorm about the berries' likeness to my eyeballs?"
I then heard Goldenshine sniff an herb and place it into a pile - I checked to see if she had done it correctly as she began to speak. "Duh. He thought it was inspired!"
As I then snorted and rolled my eyes yet again, Goldenshine let out a seemingly contemplative grunt as she seemed to observe the herbs in front of us. "Hm... I would ask how your day was, but I feel like I can guess!" she then exclaimed in amazement. "Goodness, this stash looks like it's gone through a thunderstorm!"
I held back another hiss as I had to push down my drastically rising irritation. "Goodness, and I thought that the juniper berry comparison to my eyes was genius!"
"Whatever," Goldenshine then muttered before genuinely seeming to be filled with concern. "Jayfeather, have you had a moment to breath since the battle?"
"As a matter of fact, no!" I barked back at her. "And if someone weren't in here, I maybe would get one."
As usual, the she-cat was not affected by my tone at all, and she gave me yet another light nudge. "Oh, please - I'm the highlight of your day," she teased. But after a moment, her demeanor seemed to change again as I felt her put the tip of her tail on my shoulder. "But Jayfeather, I'm serious. I know that Leafpool has picked up her duties again, but maybe you all need some more help in here."
I then stared intently back at Goldenshine as she then seemed to hesitate to go on. "Maybe... maybe you should finally think about taking on another apprentice."
I snorted at that comment, rolling my eyes once again. "Your sister said the same thing," I muttered, filling up with both guilt and warmth at the same time at that thought.
"That's right," Goldenshine breathed as I felt a rush of excitement come from her direction. "Great StarClan, am I still so glad that she actually was here to be able to say that. I..."
She then let out a sigh, and she seemed to have sat down. "It's still so surreal to me, Jayfeather."
You have no idea, Goldenshine. You have no idea.
I sat down as well, beginning to shake my head slowly as more memories of that battle night began to resurface, my guilt being replaced by amazement.
In fact, my heart began to blaze as if it had just been struck by lightning as I recalled the very moment that a certain cat - my former apprentice who had first died at the claws of Ashfur; a cat that I would have given my own life for over and over, who I had loved for so much of my life - had finally returned. I'd never thought I would see Snowflight again... and when Snowstorm – the cat who carried her soul - had collapsed, I lost all hope, I recalled, a shiver running down my spine.
My fur then began to tingle as I remembered what had come next - one of the most amazing moments of my entire life. As Goldenshine had said, it was so surreal getting to feel Snowflight's presence, breath in her scent, hear her sweet voice again.
I slowly began to shake my head in awe as I finally replied to Goldenshine. "Oh, trust me, me too. I..." I trailed off for a moment as I tried to find my words. "I had been just as worried as you were that we'd never see her again."
I then couldn't help but shut my eyes as another chill ran down my spine. "I don't know what I would have done." I truly don't. I don't even think that Goldenshine would believe me, but a piece of my heart would have felt missing knowing that Snowflight's spirit was gone forever, I then thought. I was able to... accept her death a long time ago, but the thought of never getting to hear her voice, speak with her, or do something as little as stand beside her ever again is an unbearable thought.
But knowing she's up there in StarClan, waiting for me, however, my fur can still tingle when I think about her. There's a sense of closure, and I'm so thankful for that.
I then shook my head quickly, breaking away from my own thoughts as Goldenshine spoke again. "You and me both," she nearly whispered. I then nearly flinched as she gave me a harder nudge, and she wrapped her tail around my shoulders. "But there's no need to be mopey-dopey about it! That didn't happen, and because of our brilliant teamwork-"
I grabbed her tail with my own, narrowing my eyes as I pushed it back towards her. "-partly teamwork."
"Whatever," Goldenshine muttered, pushing her tail right back as I rolled my eyes. "Because of our teamwork, she finally made it up to StarClan!"
Hold on...
I stiffened and flicked my ears, those words causing me to come to a somewhat concerning, fearsome realization. "...Hopefully..."
I could practically hear Goldenshine's heart beginning to pound with alarm, just as mine was. "Hopefully? What do you mean?" she pressed as she began to lash her tail back and forth anxiously. "I always thought that going up to StarClan was just... automatic."
I shrugged, trying to push down my fear as I turned to fully face Goldenshine. "Well, yes... but it's also a process," I began to explain. "To put it simply for your brain-"
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"
"Some spirits take some time to get to StarClan," I went on, simply flicking Goldenshine's ear in response to her defensive question. "Sometimes they just wander in the real world as spirits before finally deciding that they're ready, or..."
I felt my fear beginning to make my fur rise once again, and I suddenly felt a strange sense of helplessness. "Or sometimes other things get in the way before they can make it up there." Oh, StarClan forbid. And I don't mean that literally!
With those words, Goldenshine seemed to fall deep into thought, her eyes narrowing. "I see..." she murmured. I was then surprised to hear her purr with amusement. "Ha, or maybe she's just in the Dark Forest instead. She did snap at me a few times when we were apprentices - she could be mean!"
I narrowed my eyes back at her, sniffing. "And you are such a kindhearted soul." I then heard Goldenshine snort, and I was sure that she had rolled her eyes. "I'm certain that Snowflight is going to StarClan. You, however..."
I then could feel the golden brown tabby she-cat's gaze burning into my fur. "I can easily throw another one of these berries at you."
I sniffed, batting at her with a paw. "Don't even try," I meowed sharply to her just before another wave of apprehension and foreboding rushed through my pelt. "I... I hope that Snowflight has made it up there safely... if she's made it up there at all..."
I heard Goldenshine stand up and take a step closer to me. "Is that something we should be worried about?" she asked, her voice soft and fearful. "How would we know if she's there?"
Well...
I narrowed my eyes, feeling a small rush of adrenaline, nerves and excitement as the answer to that question quickly came. "Well..." I then said out loud to my friend as I felt my fur begin to tingle once again. "I suppose that I'd have to pay a visit to StarClan."
Goldenshine then gasped. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed. "Sometimes I forget that you have weird medicine cat powers!"
I cocked an eyebrow back at the she-cat. "Yes, I do, my eloquently spoken friend."
"Shut up," Goldenshine then muttered, her voice then becoming higher with excitement. "So, could you go up to StarClan and see that Snowflight is there?"
I then took a deep breath, taking a moment before giving a slow, contemplative nod. "I could..."
"You could?"
"And I will."
"You will?"
I looked back at Goldenshine as I continued to nod, feeling more certain of my decision with each heartbeat that went by. "Yes," I replied to her clearly.
I then took another deep breath, forcing myself to be more rational about the issue at that had fallen at our paws. "But honestly, I can almost be sure that she's up there," I murmured half to myself. "You're right, we did watch her ascend with the other StarClan cats."
I then felt a twinge of sadness come from Goldenshine's direction. "Aw, so you don't think that you need to check?"
I shook my head, quickly reassuring the she-cat. "Oh, no, I'm still going to check. And nevertheless..."
I then couldn't help but sigh as I raised my head towards the sky above, where I was sure the stars of Silverpelt were beginning to appear. And my heart filled up with warmth once again as thoughts of possibly running into Snowflight in StarClan took over. "And nevertheless..." I eventually continued, "I just want to see her."
I was growing even more certain of my decision as I began to picture that first time that me, her, along with Lilypetal and Thornclaw had actually gotten to see Snowflight up in StarClan for the first time - also, one the first times that I had ever seen her, seen her.
I then thought once again about our second encounter since she'd died - when she had arisen from Snowstorm's body. Both had been such heartwarming, easing, and overwhelming experiences. Almost too much for my cold heart to handle. However... they still didn't feel like enough.
I then took yet another deep breath, bringing myself back to the present as I looked back at Goldenshine, my heart beginning to pound with the exhilaration and urgency of my mission. "I really want to see her."
I was certain that Goldenshine was staring right back at me, her heading nodding slowly. "I understand," she meowed tenderly as she walked up and gave me yet another nudge on the shoulder. "Say hi to her for me."
I simply flashed her a somewhat warm look as I then heard hear begin to pad out of the den. "Goodnight, Jayfeather. I hate you!"
I snorted and stood up, turning back towards the herbs that we had actually somewhat organized. "Oh, trust me, I hate you more."
Goldenshine paused at the bramble screen, likely cocking an eyebrow at me. "Doubtful."
"Not really," I muttered in reply as I began to flick my tail in her direction. "Now seriously - get out. I have things to do. Thanks for the juniper berries."
"Uh huh," Goldenshine then meowed before finally walking through the bramble screen. "Good luck!"
I then listened as Goldenshine's pawsteps got fainter and fainter, and then eventually let my mouth gape into a large yawn before padding over to my moss nest. There is absolutely no way that I'd be able to focus on herbs anymore.
I then settled down in the moss clump, simply muttering a goodnight to Leafpool as she entered the den, lying down in her own nest just a few tail-lengths away. Truthfully, I can't focus on anything else.
I then finally lowered my head and closed my eyes, my heart still pounding with determination and eagerness as I began to drift off into sleep. I'll see you soon in StarClan, Snowflight. And if for some reason you're not there, I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you get there.
Chapter 2
Considering that my days were always spent in complete darkness, I was more than certain that I had arrived to the correct destination when I opened my eyes to see the smooth, shimmering grass and the bright, towering trees surrounding me.
I had made it to StarClan, just as I'd hoped that I would. But I can't feel completely relieved or accomplished until I am sure that a certain cat is here...
I'd barely taken my first pawstep when I heard the sound of another cat's voice come from behind me. "Jayfeather?"
I closed my eyes and nearly let out a frustrated hiss. Of all cats that could have caught me here...
I let out a long huff, taking a moment before finally turning around to face the gray, long-furred she-cat that I'd spoken to nearly every time that I'd come to StarClan in the past. And while she was my guidepost for everything that I faced with the Dark Forest, she is also one of the last cats that I'd want to run into in this specific instance... "Yellowfang..." I muttered to the StarClan cat through gritted teeth.
As I met her gaze, she sat down and wrapped her tail around her paws, her orange eyes narrowing. "Fancy meeting you here."
I rolled my eyes, letting out a long hiss. "Oh, sure it is."
Yellowfang ignored my scoffing, her narrowed gaze still burning into my fur. ""Out of all cats, I would think that you could sense sarcasm when you hear it."
I decided to narrow my eyes back at her, my tail beginning to twitch impatiently. "Out of all cats, I would think that you could sense that I gave you a sarcastic response, therefore showing that I sensed your sarcasm."
"Well-"
I hissed once again, my patience quickly boiling over. "For StarClan's sake, I don't have time for this," I muttered sharply before taking a step closer to the older StarClan spirit and fixing her with a hard, desperate stare. "Yellowfang, do you know if-"
I had to keep my fur from rising when Yellowfang took a pawstep back, clearly pretending to look surprised as she raised her eyebrows and tilted her head to the side. "Well, no time to chat with 'ol Yellowfang?"
"No," I replied, my voice becoming stiffer with each time I spoke. "I... I was hoping that I could see..."
I then found myself trailing off, realizing that I was actually somewhat embarrassed to admit to the she-cat the reason why I was here. "I... I was wanting to see-"
"Say no more." Yellowfang quickly meowed.
"What?" I exclaimed. "But I barely said anything!"
Yellowfang began to shake her head slowly, her orange eyes now gleaming as she looked back at me. "You don't need to."
The gray fluffy she-cat's expression said it all to me; I suddenly felt as if the heaviest boulder in the entire world had been lifted off of my back. Not only have I just been reassured that Snowflight is safe, but also, I don't know if Yellowfang has ever really delivered good news to me when I come up here. "She's here?" I pressed to Yellowfang, my voice rising with excitement as I stepped closer to her. "Where is she?"
Yellowfang's eyes continued to gleam as she flicked her tail towards the shimmering forest that was just pawsteps away. "She's sitting at the pond just beyond these trees," she answered. "It's surrounded by juniper berries - you'll know it when you see it."
I couldn't help but sigh as my heart warmed with affection. Of course she is there...
I then shook my head quickly, bringing myself back into focus as I flashed Yellowfang a grateful look. "Great," I muttered, not hesitating for one more moment as I began to run in the direction of the trees. "Thanks."
"Jayfeather."
I abruptly stopped in my tracks, pushing down my frustration as I looked back at the StarClan cat who'd had the audacity to speak to me again. "What, for StarClan's sake!?"
I then narrowed my eyes once again, actually now somewhat curious to see what Yellowfang had to say once I noticed the wary, fearful look that darkened her orange gaze. "Jayfeather..." she repeated after a few moments, "I know that you miss her, but... be careful. Please."
Despite me then sighing and breaking my gaze away from her, she went on. "I know what you two have shared, and it is because she was also your apprentice and a Clanmate that I am allowing this," she meowed solemnly. "You must remember where your loyalties lie, at least while you are still alive. But despite all of that..."
I then could see the gray she-cat stepping closer to me out of the corner of my eye, and I tried my hardest to ignore her somber gaze that might as well have burnt a hole in my ear. "You realize that going to see her will only bring you more grief?" she then nearly whispered. "Yes, you will get to see her, but what happens when you have to leave her? You'll miss her just as much; be just as heartbroken."
Great StarClan... shut up, please.
I slowly let my lids close once again as all of Yellowfang's words seemed to engulf my own body, making me nearly shudder with grief for just a moment. She was absolutely right, as much as I hated to admit it.
But at the same time, I found that it didn't matter to me at all. I've experienced too much heartbreak to not deserve this. And anyway, after all of the time that has been lost... the heartbreak is worth it.
I opened my eyes again, turning my head to look at Yellowfang once again. "It's worth a lifetime of heartbreak if it means that I get to spend one heartbeat with her," I then meowed, my voice seeming to echo through the clearing.
Then, without waiting for the she-cat's reply, I then continued to pad in the direction that Yellowfang had given to me - her words quickly leaving my mind. And anyway, I'm not coming here just for me - I need to know if she is safe and happy up here, I told myself. One benefit of her reincarnating into another cat is that I still somewhat knew where she was and how she was doing...
Then shaking my thoughts away, I broke into a run once again as I made my way deeper into the forest. Luckily, being somewhat familiar with StarClan helped me to know the exact place that Yellowfang had described to me, and I knew precisely where I was going.
I then felt my heart begin to beat faster - and not just because I was running. Now, the question here is if I'll actually find her here...
I tried to hold out hope once I arrived to the pond - the pond that seemed to have countless amounts of juniper berries surrounding it. I nearly slid as I came to a stop and immediately scanned the area to look for her.
I narrowed my eyes, laying my eyes on every single bush in sight, hoping to catch a glimpse of her white fur. Please, please...
But I felt my heart practically sink as I almost immediately figured out that she wasn't there - just as I had feared. Great... now this means that I'll have to spend even more time looking for her, I realized as I closed my eyes and shook my head slowly. Which means that I'll have less time to spend with her before I wake up...
Then, I nearly let out a startled hiss as I heard something drop to the ground next to me. I whipped my head to my side to see a juniper berry bouncing off of the ground before rolling up and lightly hitting against one of my paws.
What in the name of... I thought to myself, my eyes narrowing once again as I sniffed. Is it just my destiny to have juniper berries be pelted at me wherever I go?
I then lifted my head to see if I could find where the berry had fallen from - assuming that it had just dropped from one of the several cedar trees that encapsulated the area.
And of course, I had just initially expected to see the several cedar branches looming over me, but instead, I felt my heart flip upside down as I immediately recognized a very, very familiar white pelt standing on one of the thicker branches of the tree. Oh my StarClan...
There she was.
I was actually speechless, and couldn't do anything but process the fact that I was laying my eyes on this she-cat that I had spent so many moons missing so much. And while I got to see her just days ago, that doesn't make this feel any less surreal...
For a moment, I kept completely silent as Snowflight slowly but surely made her way across the branch she was on. She seemed to be scanning every single berry that was surrounding her.
I then flicked my ears as her gaze then stopped on one, and once she snatched it from the tree with her teeth and threw it towards the ground, I reached out a paw and felt a twinge of satisfaction as it landed onto my pad.
I then urgently looked back up to the tree, and just as I had expected, Snowflight was immensely confused to not hear the sound of the juniper berry landing onto the ground. By the time that she actually looked down, my heart was practically in throat.
But at the same time, it had never felt lighter as I watched Snowflight's pale blue eyes immediately wash over with shock and longing as they fell on me.
I then felt my heart stretch out and twist up into countless amounts of knots as we locked eyes. For a moment, I was speechless, and I could do nothing but stare up at her. After all, I haven't actually been able to lay eyes on her since she first had died...
While I didn't fall for her outer beauty... I literally wasn't able to, that most certainly doesn't mean that she fails in that area... because she doesn't at all...
Honestly, I could have just stayed like that forever, my gaze locked with hers, but eventually brought myself to speak. "I'd watch it when you drop those," I called up to Snowflight, a smirk slowly emerging on my face as I held up the juniper berry I had caught. "It could hit a cat in the eye and blind them, you know."
"Forget them!"
I then was caught off guard for a moment as Snowflight then leapt down from the tree, and the next thing I knew, she had pressed herself into my fur. As soon as her own fur had brushed mine, and I heard her loud purr, I felt my own purrs rising in my throat.
I couldn't help but close my eyes for a moment as her scent flooded into my nose, and all of my current stresses I was experiencing in the real world seemed to disappear.
I then raised my eyebrows as Snowflight pulled away from me, and I was able to meet her bright, shining pale blue gaze once again. "Oh my StarClan, Jayfeather!" she exclaimed. "Hi!"
I then purred with amusement as Snowflight pressed herself against me once again. "Snowflight..." I nearly whispered, finally wrapping my tail around her as I began to lick her head. Great StarClan, this is already more than I ever could have asked for... I can't believe I waited this long to see her here.
Snowflight managed to snuggle even closer to me as she spoke again. "Jayfeather... I cannot believe that you're here," she then purred.
I pulled her even closer to me and sighed once again. "Of course I am, Snowflight," I meowed softly, letting my eyes close for just a moment before looking down to meet her gaze. "Long time, no see, huh?"
"Just a bit!" Snowflight then meowed back before proceeding to lick my cheek and press her muzzle to it. "I missed you!"
I returned the gesture, and flicked the white she-cat's ear with my tail as I stared deep into her eyes - something I had wanted to do so badly when we were both alive. "And I missed you," I then replied to her. More than I could ever tell you...
Snowflight then flicked her ears and tilted her head to the side, her eyes still glowing with amazement. "What are you doing here?"
I couldn't help but press my muzzle against her cheek a second time. "I came to see you," I answered simply. I then looked back up at the cedar tree above us, and the confusion that I had originally felt when I'd found Snowflight up there finally registered. "What in the name of StarClan were you doing up there? You definitely weren't up in trees much back when we went out in the forest in ThunderClan."
Snowflight followed my gaze as she also looked up at the tree. "I was picking juniper berries!" she explained. She then looked back down at me to reveal her astonished, eager eyes. "Can you believe that they grow on cedar trees as much as bushes? I nearly squealed when I found them."
I then watched, another purr rising in my throat, as she grabbed a juniper berry that was next to her and held it up to me. "Now I pick some whenever I can - they seem to get more beautiful and blue the higher that you go."
She then sighed, taking a whiff of the juniper berry before setting it down and looking back at me once again. When I didn't immediately reply to her, she sniffed and tilted her head to the side. "What?"
For a few more heartbeats, I still didn't reply as I was barely able to take how light and warm my heart felt as I listened to her gush about her love of juniper berries. "Nothing, I..." I eventually was able to force out.
I then shook my head quickly, holding back a hiss. Geez, Jayfeather. You're here to see her and to make sure that she's okay, not to make her question you or her overall life choices. "Nothing," I then meowed more loudly.
I then let out a sigh, pulling Snowflight closer to me once again with my tail. "So, how are you? How has StarClan been treating you?"
Snowflight purred with amusement - clearly knowing me very well, before answering. "Honestly... I'm just fine!" she answered, to my relief. "StarClan is treating me as well as it can be, however..."
I then flicked my ears, feeling a slight pang of worry as the she-cat's gaze darkened. "I just miss ThunderClan, I miss my family..." She then looked back up at me, touching her nose to mine. "I miss you..."
I then looked down at her paws, and I found myself trying to meet her gaze again. "I almost wish that I had just been able to die after Ashfur killed me, you know?" she then meowed more quietly. "Getting to return as Snowstorm and then returning to StarClan much later almost made an already bad wound become even deeper."
I sighed once again, hating to hear that Snowflight felt this way. I then lifted her chin up with my tail so that I could meet her gaze again. "And that goes both ways, Snowflight," I insisted to her, the passion of my words practically bubbling up inside of me. "I hope that you know that I've spent all of this time missing you..."
That passion was then overcome with an unbearable amount of guilt as a certain memory crossed my mind - something Snowflight and I hadn't been able to discuss yet - and I almost couldn't go on for a moment. "Even... even when I..."
Snowflight began to shake her head slowly, her eyes full of love and understanding. "I know, Jayfeather. That's okay," she then whispered. "You don't need to explain."
I then flicked my ears with surprise, and I felt my eyes widen. "You... you're not upset about Half Moon?" The one she-cat that I somehow managed to fall for after you... I still can't believe it sometimes.
"Of course not," Snowflight insisted, and I could immediately tell that her answer was genuine.
She then rolled her eyes, giving a shrug. "I mean, sure - you have no idea how much I wished that we had more moments like what you and her shared," she went on before running her tail down my flank. "However... I know it's what all of the dead cats say, but... I'm happy that you didn't spend all of your time grieving over me."
I finally took the opportunity to twin my tail with hers, catching it as she stroked my flank. "That doesn't mean that I didn't, Snowflight," I insisted to her, my voice coming out more sharply than I'd anticipated.
"I know, but-"
I quickly cut Snowflight off, refusing to let her believe that she'd ever left my mind. "Yes, Half Moon was wonderful, and I... I did love her too," I admitted to her. And it is because I love you that I feel that I must admit that... "But she also made me realize how much I missed you. I mean... it's like you said..."
I then shifted closer to Snowflight, pressing my muzzle against hers. "We never got to share moments like that."
Snowflight began to purr once again as she pressed back. "No, we didn't."
After a few heartbeats of me simply breathing in her scent, I pulled away, gestured to the ground with my tail, and then pressed up against Snowflight as we both lied down on the soft grass. She leaned her head on my shoulder as I then began to lick behind one of her ears.
"Great StarClan," I eventually meowed as I then simply rested my muzzle on Snowflight's head. "I wish that this could last forever."
I then felt Snowflight press her muzzle into my neck fur. "Me too..." she whispered. I then raised my eyebrows, surprised, when she pulled her head away and met my gaze with worried, sorrowful eyes. "Do you need to wake up soon? I don't want to be the reason that you don't get up to your duties!"
I let out a small purr of amusement, flicking Snowflight's ear once again. "Ironically, you used to be the reason that I did get up to them."
"Oh, please - you'd be up, anyway."
I then rolled my eyes, continuing to purr. "I know..." I sighed.
I then gave a sharp shake of my head. "But either way, no."
Snowflight's eyes widened, and she tilted her head to the side. "No?"
"No," I replied definitely, touching my muzzle to her cheek. "I don't need to leave yet." I don't want to leave yet.
"I'm fine with that!"
I then let out a small chuckle as I then watched Snowflight lean her head on my shoulder once again, my heart still feeling as light and as warm as it had been when I first found her. Yellowfang was wrong, I told myself. Although I'll eventually have to leave Snowflight and wake up, just being able to remember these moments and knowing that I might have them again is enough to last me a lifetime.
I then couldn't help but snort as another thought crossed my mind. Well... and I suppose other cats will be keeping me going until then. "By the way," I then meowed, giving Snowflight a small nudge and a wink. "Goldenshine says hi."
Snowflight immediately let out a gasp and lifted her head to look at me - clearly excited to hear her sister's name. "Aw, tell that mouse-brain that I say hi right back!" she exclaimed. "How is she doing, by the way?"
I narrowed my eyes and stared ahead, trying to recall everything that the golden brown she-cat had told me the previous day. "Well, she certainly has her paws full right now," I reported to Snowflight. "But at the same time, I don't think I've seen her happier - her first apprentice is about to become a warrior, and she and Swiftflight are getting along better than they ever have."
I then looked back at Snowflight to see her shaking her head slowly, her eyes shining with mischief. "Her and Swiftflight aren't the only ones, it seems," she purred as she then gave me a nudge right back. "It makes me so happy to see how close you two have become. Really."
"Hm. For some reason I decided to tolerate her and talk to her on a regular basis."
"Uh huh," Snowflight muttered, giving a roll of her eyes.
I then flicked my ears - the topic of Goldenshine making me recall something else. Surely the most important, vital, and pressing thing that the two of us will discuss tonight... "Ah, that reminds me..."
I shifted slightly so that I could come face-to-face with the beautiful white she-cat. "What berry or herb best reminds you of Goldenshine's eyes?"
Snowflight's eyes immediately washed over with shock. "Excuse me?"
"You heard what I said."
"Yes, I did, and I am questioning it."
"Answer my question."
I then couldn't help but purr as well Snowflight then finally let out a purr of amusement and tilted her head to the side once again. "Jayfeather, why in the name of StarClan do you need this information?"
I slowly narrowed my eyes back at her. "Whatever berry or herb you tell me, I will throw at Goldenshine."
"Oh my goodness!" Snowflight then exclaimed, her tail lashing up in surprise, but her eyes still glittered with humor. "I'm not sure if I want you to have information that would warrant you to throw something at my sister!"
I held her gaze, putting the tip of my tail on her shoulder. "Goldenshine said that you should be in the Dark Forest because you were mean to her."
Snowflight's ice-blue eyes then immediately narrowed down into slits. "Rocks," she muttered through gritted teeth. "Her eyes resemble rocks. Throw a rock at her."