Love and Patience
V A L E R I U S ' P O V :
My daughter is alive.
I've spent five fucking years believing my mamma was holding her hostage for my life. I had to be her servant for five fucking years just to figure out she had killed my daughter in cold blood when my family came for me.
I woke up paralyzed. And for two years I spent everyday learning how to walk again. I spent everyday since that morning wishing I would have just stayed in a coma. Wishing that I would have never woken up.
I've been grieving my daughter since the day I was taken from her and throughout all this time.. she has been alive.
Fury would be an understatement, anger can't even describe what I'm feeling.
I want to kill. I want blood drenched on my hands. I want to punish everyone who started this. I want revenge for what was taken from me.
My daughter deserved a good life. Mamma took that all away from her.
I want bloodshed but they're already dead.
"How is this possible." Papà rasps out, the pain of his words clear.
I pick up my phone and ring my closest guard.
"Leon." I say into the phone, wipe all of my emotion out of the way. "Send guards the the old house. I need every square inch searched. Send people into the city. Check everywhere."
"For what, Don?" I hear clicking in the background, he's already sending out my order.
"For Ellie." I lick my dry lips. "Hoodie, black pants. Long hair, tied up. Fifteen-years-old. Don't scare her, don't touch her. Just find her."
"Yes, Don. Sending them out now."
I hang up the phone, not sure what to do with myself. How can I help? How can I find her? I feel like I'm not doing enough.
"Why didn't she come to you?" Enzo asks me but I have no answer for him.
Why didn't she come to me?
Maybe she doesn't want to see me. Maybe she blames me. I am to blame. I left her. I broke my promise to her.
"I think she's j..just scared." Savino offers. "She's just a teenager. Maybe she doesn't know how to approach you."
"He's right." Fabio chimes in. "Give her time. She'll come to you. If she doesn't.. we'll find her."
I don't want time. All I've had is time.
I want my daughter to come home.
• • •
"Valerius." Rosie greets me when I walk into the flower shop.
It's early morning, they've just opened. It's seven o'clock. I come here every morning like clockwork.
La Casa de Fiori is where I get my flowers. I promised Ellie one time when she was little that I would bring her flowers everyday. I kept my promise and did until I was taken. When I came home, I put the promise back into my schedule. I come to the same place I always have.
"Good Morning, Rosie." I tell her.
The smell of fresh flowers hits my nose. I take view of the new arrangements sitting in the window today.
"Lovely Morning to you too. I'll go get Allegra." She winks and I shake my head.
Allegra Leonardi. She's worked here since I've come here for Ellie. Nine years straight and she's almost always the one handing me my flowers.
Since my return, our old routine was put back into place.
"Valerius." Her eyes crinkle when she sees me, a smile she tries to hide doesn't escape my view.
"Allegra. Hello."
My eyes scan hers of deep brown.
Allegra is in her mid-thirties. She has soft brown hair and curls that frame her face so well. Her eyes are brown, soft and kind. I'd be a fool to deny that Allegra Leonardi is most perfectly gorgeous.
"Same as usual? Snapdragon and a zinnia?"
My eyes meet hers. I suddenly feel the urge to fiddle with my thumbs or scratch the back of my neck.
"No." Her brows raise in surprise. "I was thinking a chrysanthemum and a gardenia." A thoughtful look takes her features.
Allegra has taught me all about the meanings of different flowers. I'd go as far as to say I'm an expert at it now.
"Optimism and hope? What's the special occasion?" She checks in my order, pressing her lips together. "Anyone special?"
"Yes." I tell her simply.
"Oh?" She enquires. A new look takes her features. "I'll be right back." She goes to get my flowers.
She didn't look at me before she walked away. Normally she looks at me. Why not today? Is something wrong today?
"Thought you were single?" Rosie comes out of nowhere, making my head snap to her voice. I find her behind me, positioning flowers in the display case. Her eyes look me up and down like she's judging me.
"That's a personal question."
Rosie stalks up to me with a tight glare. "I'll kill you, Armani. I will." I find humor in her words.
If only she knew how dangerous I am.
I can't help but be curious to why she's so interested. Rosie has a fiancée.
"So.. any message or should I just wrap them as normal?" My head whips back around to Allegra and her kind voice. She gives an odd look to Rosie. Rosie hops behind the counter and gives me another death glare before she disappears in the back. That was odd. "Valerius?"
"Right." I clear my throat. "Just regular."
Again, what looks like a fake smile is plastered on her face. Concern swipes through me.
"Of course."
The tension between us is something I'm not used to. Normally our conversations run smoothly. I've never found it hard to keep a conversation going between us. She makes it so easy.
Needing to fill the silence, I speak without thinking.
"Hope and optimism." I repeat her words from earlier and she looks to me. "For my daughter." Why am I telling her this? "She found me. I think she'll come home soon."
A softness overturns in her eyes. Her lips part. Her soft, pink lips—
"I thought..."
Right. Words.
"She was." Allegra doesn't have to finish her sentence for me to know what she is going to ask me. "Or.. I thought she was. She was at our old house. Savino thinks she's just too scared to come home to me yet."
One day, lost in conversation, I had told Allegra about Ellie. I told her she was dead. Now I'm telling her she's not.
"Wow." Her eyebrows raise. "That's.. amazing." She finishes up wrapping the flowers.
"Some would say."
"I'm very happy for you, Valerius."
Something feels odd in my chest. I clear my throat, swallowing back the feeling. "Thank you." I tell her.
Allegra pauses to speak again. "One second." Her frame disappears around back. She comes back with two flowers. "Pink Aster, meaning love and patience." Something pulls at my chest as she files them into my small bouquet. "One for you and one for Eleonora." My throat goes tight, something fuzzes in the pit of my stomach.
I don't know how she remembers Ellie's name. I only told her once maybe twice. That had to have been forever ago.
"Thank you." I clear the itch in my throat.
"Of course." She takes my card. "And it's on the house." She swipes it, talking about the two extra flowers.
"No." My eyebrows pinch together frantically. "Why?" I ask, looking at her.
"Because you didn't order them." Allegra laughs at me. "Put away that disapproving look, Valerius."
"I have the money to pay for two flowers." I tell her sternly, frustration building within me.
"Trust me, I've seen your cuff links." She teases, pushing my card back to me on the counter. "It's a gift, from me."
"Why?" My suspicion rises.
"Mamma mia!" Allegra exclaims. "Because I can. Because I want to give you a gift. Now take the flowers and skip out of here." She wears a huge grin. Her head shakes at me.
"I'm not doing that."
"Why? A grown man doesn't know how to skip?"
"Allegra." I warn.
"Bye, Valerius. I'll see you tomorrow." An amused smile lifts her tinted cheeks.
My heart feels oddly fast. I contemplate whether or not I'm having a heart attack.
I stare into her eyes, looking at the small freckle in her left eye. "I'll pay you back for this." I'm serious. I don't know why she would give me a gift but she shouldn't.
"You know most would say that's how you ruin a gift." A little smirk teases her lips.
"People do tell me I'm good at ruining things."
I walk out with more flowers than I intended to have and a head full of stupid thoughts of those pretty lips that always seem to challenge me.
• • •
"It's been too long."
"It's been two days." Savino retorts.
"Again, it's been too fucking long. I want my daughter home, Savino."
I pace back and forth, stress ripping through me. I've already broken two punching bags and four vases. I'm annoyed and pissed off.
Why won't my daughter come to me? What am I doing wrong?
I want to scream.
A lot.
I find myself looking at the set of new flowers on the kitchen counter. I'm reminded that I haven't gone to the flower shop yet. It slipped my mind this morning, I've been busy trying to find Ellie through the city cameras.
And I need to repay Allegra.
"Maybe you should.. have you thought about going out to clear your head?"
"Great idea!" I tell Savino, his eyebrows raise at me, surprised. "I will go."
"O..kay." He says slowly, he raises a brow.
"Tell papà my men will be here today."
"What for?"
"I'm moving back into the old house." I feel a sort of déjà vu in my words. "It's time."
"Okay." Savino nods towards me, a smile reaching his lips.
• • •
The shop is busier than when I'm normally in here since it's late afternoon. I wait until the shop clears out before I walk up to her.
"You're late."
"I didn't know I was on a clock."
"You aren't.. but maybe you are." A teasing smile flutters her soft lips. "What does today bring?"
"A cosmo and a protea."
"Harmony and change. Odd duo."
"Yet fitting."
"I'm ready to hear this story." Allegra gives me a gentle laugh, going to that back to get my flowers. She comes back to wrap them in their usual brown paper. "So.. what kind of change is happening in your life Valerius." That true smile throws my head off balance every time.
How can someone always look so genuine?
"I'm moving back into my old house. The home my daughter and I lived in."
For some reason, I don't know how to keep my mouth shut around her. Everything spills out. I am in no control of myself when she's near.
She places a ribbon around two flowers and takes my card to ring them up.
"And you hope to find harmony there." Allegra's words aren't questioning, they sound more of understanding.
"One day." One day with my Ellie. One day with my sweet girl.
"Well I wish you all the luck."
I think she waits for me to exit but I don't. Instead, I slide a small black velvet box over the counter to her. She gives me a questioning look. A curios glint in her brown eyes.
I give her a nod as to say open it.
She does. Then she snaps the box shut and throws it back at my chest. I catch it.
"What is that." Her normally soft eyes harden.
"What? I told you I would repay you."
"I gave you flowers worth maybe five Euro! You're trying to give me jewelry worth more than I make in a year!" She exclaims.
Why is she upset? I thought this is what women like? I thought jewelry was acceptable to gift.
"Is it not okay?" I ask. "I can get a new one."
Allegra gapes at me. "If you're pulling a joke on me right now, I suggest you leave." She tells me with a serious face.
"I am a very serious man, Allegra. Don't take me for anything less."
Allegra stops to study my face for a minute.
"You're serious."
"Dead."
"You're insane!"
"I don't know why you make such a great deal over a bracelet. It was rushed, I tried to pick something decent out."
That's a lie. I was in the store for three hours.
"Valerius.. this is way more than decent." Her voice sounds quiet. Is she okay?
I push the box back to her and she takes out the gold bracelet inside.
"A gentian flower..."
"Meaning gratitude." I finish her sentence.
The flower is engraved into the gold of the band. A token of gold hitches around a thin hood chain.
"You're crazy for thinking two flowers that will die within two weeks equivaliate to gold."
A smirk touches my lips for a brief moment before I wipe it away.
"Think of it as a thank you for listening to me the past few years."
Allegra goes to say something but she stops when the bell chimes and someone walks in behind me. She huffs, biting her lower lip.
"Goodbye, Allegra." I say.
"Wait!" Her voice pulls me back around. "It's starting to rain." She tells me, pointing outside.
"And what does that mean?"
"From what you've told me, good things always come when it rains."
A small smile crinkles in her eyes. I want to echo it but I hold on to the dignity I have left.
I study her, trying to understand what she means.
"Like flowers?"
"A little more than just that." She smiles at me. "Be a little hopeful."
It's then I understand what she means.
I found Ellie hidden between patters of rain once before, maybe I can do it again. Maybe fate will be on my side today.
"I'll see you tomorrow Allegra."
"See you tomorrow Valerius."
With a final glance, I leave. Something sticks to my mind the whole time I'm walking to my car.
Allegra is right. Drops start sprinkling from the sky. It will start raining soon.
Squinting, I pace through the lot.
I slow, thinking that my mind is playing tricks on me for a moment.
There's no way. This is not real life. It can't be.
How can I be this lucky?
A distant figure standing right in front of my car catches my attention. I can't believe it. Is my brain playing tricks on me?
When I'm close enough, my eyes meet ones so crystal blue. Sad, exhausted eyes.
It only takes me a mere second to process what's happening.
"Ellie?"
She doesn't say a single word. My nerves spike.
Her posture is timid, her eyes searching mine. She seems to be frozen in place. I'm begging for her to say something, anything.
"I—," her breath falls short. "Papà."
And just like that, I'm whole once again.
I've longed to hear that word for years. Papà. My most important job. My most favorite name.
"Oh my God." I whisper in Italian, my voice cracking hard. The warmth, the comfort I feel is something I never thought I'd experience again. "Ellie."
I beacon her in my arms and she obliges quickly, wrapping her arms around my torso.
I pull away, tears flooding my eyes. I grab her face so that her own pair of teary eyes can meet mine. I look to the scar above her left brow, the scar on the upper right side of her forehead.
"You found me." I rasp in shock.
Her head buries itself deep into my chest. I hold onto her for dear life, hoping that this isn't a dream.
"I'm sorry." Tears begin to fall from her cheeks quickly. Panic rushes in me. I hold her close.
"No, you have no reason to be sorry. No reason at all. Never say that."
The world goes quiet. She digs her head into my chest even deeper and I want to melt. Flashback to when she was little clouds my brain.
"Papà." Her voice cracks. Something greater than sadness aches in her voice.
I suck in a sharp breath, my heart pounding.
"I'm here, Ellie. I'm here."
And I'm never going away ever again.
• • •