Lost
E L E O N O R A ' S P O V :
The streets seem to whisper to me as the cars pass, the rain shatters on the cement ground. I'm cold.
I hate being cold.
I miss the warm arms of my papà. I miss spending almost every night in his bed. I miss his hugs, his laughter. I miss the comfort. He was so warm. Now I'm just cold.
"Here she is."
My eyes snap away from the teardrop-stained glass. They focus on the police officer in front of me. Gills. Real name is Officer Robert Gillian to me but Gills just sounds way better.
His fluffy, blond mustache eats away at his top lip, his arms crossing at me. I shirk back on my seat, biting my lip to cover up my nerves.
The other officer that picked me up leaves and Gills bends down to reach me, eye to eye.
"You can't keep doing this, kid." His soft voice leaves my heart aching for my papà. I can't help the tears that fall into my tear ducts. "It's not safe."
But he doesn't realize, no where is safe. Not without my papà protecting me.
I can't do it alone. I'm not brave enough.
Be brave, piccolina. His words deep into my mind. It claws the tears down my cheeks.
"Talk to me." Gills says. "You need to tell me what I can do to help you."
It's been two years since I have lost my papà.
In those two years, I have not spoken a word to anyone. No one but Gills. My words never go far but I trust him. I know he wants for help me but he can't. Only papà can. Only papà can find the bad people. He's the only one smart enough.
Gills would never believe me if I told him what happened to papà. But it's not like I remember much from that night anyways. It all happened so fast. One moment I was laying in bed with my papà and the next I was running. I was running so fast that I could hear the wind in my ears whistling to me like it was singing a song.
"I don't like them." I tell Gills quietly. He wipes a tear from my cheek. I push his hand away.
My new foster parents aren't as bad as the last ones. The last ones never stopped screaming at night. They would fight, it was scary. I used to cover my head with pillows, begging for them to stop. It reminded me of my own screams that night. Watching John die, watching them take my papà.
My new "parents" try to be like my papà. They try to tuck me in and hug me. I don't like it. I just want papà back. That is papà's job.
"What's wrong with them?"
I keep silent, sniffling.
They're not papà. I shake my head.
"Eleonora, you're eight-years-old. You need a stable home—"
"They are not papà." I rasp angrily.
"I promise I'm looking for him, darling." Gills tells me as his eyes soften. I flinch back from the hand he tries to place on my shoulder for comfort. "But we don't even know his name. In the meantime, bare with this family for now. Please?"
I shake my head no, tears flying from my eyes, drowning me in my own sorrows. My tears fall just like the rain. The rain is crying for me, for my papà.
My eyes go to the bracelet on my wrist. The friendship bracelet papà and I made for each other. It reminds me of him. The last thing I have left.
"Papà will always find me." I tell Gills sincerely.
He always has. He always will.
"Come on, darling." Gills stands, his chubby hand is held out in front of me.
I wipe my tears furiously with my already damp sleeve. My hand disappears in his.
My feet drag as I walk along side of him. I want to throw myself on the floor and cry, sob, scream.
I want to go home.
Gills pulls down a blanket from the storage rack and drapes it over my shoulders to protect me from getting sick. Running away from that house earlier left my hair drenched and my clothes a mess.
Papà let me play in the rain a few times. After he'd give me a warm bath and let me drink hot chocolate. Then we would spend the rest of the day together.
I miss being warm.
Gills loads me into a seat in the back and we drive off. I watch the trees flash by, it feels like I'm running. I tug the blanket around me tighter.
Suddenly we're in front of a white picket fence. A golden retriever is barking from the front door. The two strangers posing as my parents stand at the door huddled together as Gills brings me up.
I hold my breath at the sound of the woman's violent crying. Her husband hugs her dearly. They're such a touchy family. Always hugging, always kissing. It's totally gross.
"Oh! Eleonora! We were so worried." The woman croaks out.
I don't look at her eyes as I wipe my muddy shoes on the house mat slowly.
Gills keeps a hand on my back for comfort, or to keep me from running again.
She goes to hug me but I step back into Gills' legs.
"I'm sorry, I don't know how she got away." The man says to Gills like I'm a lost dog.
Gills sighs. "We'll she's never really been good at staying in one place. This one is always getting lost." He smiles at me, ruffling my hair. I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back my smile.
Their dog barks, it's nails scratching the hard wood. It chases after the cat trying to run up the walls. I cringe back.
"Why don't you go to your room, I'm sure you're tired." The woman's eyes crinkle at me. An annoyed pout settles onto my face. "Your pj's are on your bed." Her sweet voice rings throughout my ears.
I turn back to look at Gills, silently asking him what to do. He gives a short nod and my shoulder sink.
"Come see me whenever you need, darling." He tells me with his hand still on my back. "Just supervised this time. Okay?"
I lick my dry lips, my chest beginning to heave with heavy emotion.
I don't say anything before walking off and up the stairs. My feet pat the heavy ground, dreading another sleepless night.
I change out of my wet clothes and and sink into the chilly bed. I wrap the blanket into a ball and hug it tightly to my chest.
My body shakes, my head aches.
I want to go home.
I stare out and into the dark night, the stars shine bright against their dark background. My eyes trail over each one, counting them as a way to pass time.
Suddenly, my eyes land on the biggest star in the sky. The one my papà used to talk about.
If you're lost, look up to the sky. When you find the largest star in the sky, it'll always lead you home.
He told me once.
I asked him how that works and he simply said.. I don't know. I don't make the rules, piccolina. That's just how it always seems to work.
I thought he was just kidding. How can stars bring me back to papà? They can't, they're just stars.
But maybe I should try? It's worth a try.
As my eyes forcefully droop, I wipe the rest of my fallen tears on the blanket Gills got for me.
I fall asleep with one promise. One thought.
If no one else has been able to find papà, I'll do it myself. I'll find him.
Gills says I'm too little but what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
One day.
One day I won't be alone anymore. One day I'll be with papà again.
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