Over the next four weeks, things slowly started to go back to normal in the Bishop-Deluca house. Carina went back to work the day after her appointment, and while the first day wore her out to the point that she napped for three hours when she got home, she was happy to be back at work. She started slow, only working two days the first week, increasing a little every week until she was working full days again the week before her next appointment.
Rowan got over Hand, Foot, and Mouth first, but Maya and Carina decided to just keep her home until Maya went back to work because there was no way Carina could get the toddler to daycare without carrying her, especially because Rowan liked to kick off sometimes. Nora was right behind her sister in getting better which was good because as soon as her mouth blisters healed and she could suck on her fingers again, she was back to her normal, happy self.
It ended up taking Maya five more days for her blisters to completely go away in her mouth, meaning she was home with the twins for over a week. By the time she went back to work, the amount of paperwork she was behind on meant that she was working every single day for two weeks straight, not something she loved because it meant the twins were in daycare every day since Carina couldn't be home alone with them. There were a few mornings that either Amelia, Teddy, or Laila would come over and hang out with Carina and the girls and then help take them to daycare for the afternoon, giving Carina time with the twins in a way that made sure that everyone was also taken care of in the way they needed to be.
Carina had had an appointment that Dr. Cho had called her and asked her to do about a week before her actual appointment for a simulation radiation treatment. Carina insisted Maya did not need to come for it because all she did was go in and lay in the radiation machine for an hour so they could map exactly how her treatments were going to go and Maya had fully planned on not listening to her wife, but a 5-alarm fire changed her plans, meaning Carina had gone to the appointment alone on her lunch break one week before her post-op appointment. She had come home from that appointment with a few small dot "tattoos" as guide marks for the radiation which Carina didn't love, but she knew they were necessary and she just tried to ignore them.
Maya and Carina also both went to a few appointments therapy appointments, Carina with the therapist they met during her pre-op appointment and Maya opting to go back to Dr. Lewis, wanting someone she was comfortable with. That, combined with Carina feeling better every day, helped ease their fears and make them both feel a little less overwhelmed by everything. There were still small reminders of the fact that Carina was in fact, in the middle of her cancer journey, but most of the time, they didn't even think about it. However, the night before Carina's next appointment, reality started to set in again.
"So, my appointment is at 11 tomorrow," Carina said, "So I am going to work in the morning and then I will meet you at Dr. Cho's office."
"You're working tomorrow?" Maya said, confused, "I thought you were off?"
"I am off in the afternoon," Carina said as she pulled on her pajamas, "But I decided working in the morning would help distract me a little."
"Oh," Maya said, going into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
"Why?" Carina said, following her.
"I guess I just thought maybe we could spend the morning as a family before you start the next part of your treatment and aren't feeling well again," Maya said, grabbing her toothbrush.
"Bambina, I will still feel fine after my treatment tomorrow," Carina said, "It takes a few weeks before radiation treatments start having physical effects on people."
"I know," Maya sighed, "It's just...I guess this is just making all of this feel real again, that you are still going through treatments for your cancer and I know that you have been healing this entire time from surgery for it, but it has just kinda felt like that wasn't what was going on and tomorrow, that all changes again."
"I know," Carina sighed, "I have felt the same way. I think that's why I want to work, to try to not think about it for a few more hours tomorrow. How about if after my appointment tomorrow, we pick the twins up early and go do something as a family, maybe go to the aquarium or down to that big park by the Sound?"
"That sounds like a great plan," Maya nodded, "I'll plan something tomorrow morning because I don't have work."
They both got into bed after they finished getting ready. While Carina still wasn't carrying the twins until she got the all-clear from her doctor, she and Maya had started cuddling in bed again the previous week because Carina wasn't having any pain and had been desperate to be in her wife's arms after a long day at work where she lost a baby and almost lost the mother as well. Since that night, they had spent every night in each other's arms, making up for all the night they couldn't.
Tonight, Maya scooted closet to Carina, pulling her close as they settled into bed.
"I love you," the blonde said, pressing a kiss to her wife's lips.
"I love you too," Carina said, reciprocating the gesture.
They then both tried to get to sleep, tried being the key word. Over the next hour, they both shifted a lot, neither wanting to disturb the other just in case they had somehow fallen asleep. However, eventually, Carina rolled over in Maya's arms so she was facing her.
"Can't sleep?" Maya asked, brushing a piece of hair off her wife's face.
"No," Carina sighed.
"Me neither," Maya said, "Talk to me. What is keeping you up?"
"I guess I'm just nervous about tomorrow," Carina sighed, "Which is stupid because it's not like anything crazy is going to happen. I am going to have my follow up and then spend some time making sure they have all the settings right on the machine that is going to give me my treatments and then get like 10 minutes of treatment and be done, but my brain is just running like crazy."
"Is there anything I can do?" Maya asked, gently rubbing Carina's back.
"Talk to me about what's keeping you up, Carina said.
"I'm just nervous for you," Maya shrugged, "To watch you go through this. I wish you didn't have to, that I could do it for you. And not knowing what is going to happen is making me anxious. I've read about side effects, and I am worried for you because I don't want anything to happen to you."
"The chances of something serious happening to me are very low," Carina said both to remind herself and her wife.
"I know," Maya said, "But even some of the less serious things make me worried for you. I hate seeing you sick or in pain."
"I will probably be sick at some point during this," Carina sighed, "And I am not excited about that, but it will be ok because I know that you will be there with me through all of this and that whatever happens, we will figure it out."
"I promise I will be right here with you the entire time," Maya nodded, "And I will take care of you as much as possible."
"I know," Carina said, cuddling closer to her wife, "I wouldn't want to have to go through this with anyone else, even if it is scary."
"I wouldn't want you too either," Maya said, "I love you too much to not want to be here with you."
"I love you," Carina said, leaning in and giving Maya a kiss.
They just laid in each other's arms for a while, occasionally letting their lips come back together. About half an hour later, Carina pressed her lips to Maya's again. The blonde smiled as she kissed her back, a little surprised when Carina deepened the kiss.
As the Italian's hands started moving down her body, slipping under her shirt and wandering up to her breasts. Maya pulled back a little.
"Car, what are you doing?" Maya asked as Carina tried to rejoin their lips.
"I am trying to turn my wife on," Carina said, moving her lips to Maya's next when the blonde didn't bring her lips back, "And show her how much I love her."
"Caaaaaaar," Maya said, voice shaking a little as Carina started sucking on her pressure point, "We can't do this. You can't do this."
"Why not?" Carina said, moving her kisses back up Maya's neck, heading toward her ear.
"You haven't been cleared," Maya said, feeling her body responding involuntarily to being touched by her wife for the first time in weeks, "We can't do this."
"Bambina, I do this surgery all the time and I know that I am healed enough for this.
My bleeding stopped last week and I feel good," Carina said, continuing to move her hands down Maya's body, "I want to show you how much I love you tonight. Besides, I have always been cleared to do these things to you."
"But you haven't been cleared for me to do them back," Maya said, feeling her back arch slightly as Carina's hands moved lower, slipping into her sleep shorts and underwear, "And that's not faaaaaaaa. Caaaaar."
Carina smiled as Maya started to lose her words due to her touches.
"You have taken such good care of me recently Bambina," Carina said, "Let me take care of you."
Maya's brain all but turned to mush as her wife continued to move her hands down her body. It had been six long weeks since they had done anything like this, and while Maya never complained because it was all part of Carina's healing process, she had missed being touched like this by her wife.
Maya enjoyed every single second of Carina "taking care of her."
When she was done, Maya decided to reciprocate, kissing Carina passionately.
"Are you sure this is ok?" Maya asked as she pulled back for a minute, "I won't hurt you?"
"No Bambina," Carina said, shaking her head, "No, I am ok."
"Ok," Maya said, "But if anything hurts or you need me to stop, just tell me ok?"
"Always," Carina said, "You know that."
Ongoing consent was always part of their relationship and making sure the other person was enjoying what they were doing was extremely important to both of them. Maya continued with what she was doing, carefully moving down to Carina's belly, kissing the scar that had healed so beautifully on her abdomen.
"What are you doing?" Carina asked, looking at her wife.
"Kissing your beautiful stomach," Maya said.
"My scar and "tattoos" are not exactly beautiful," Carina said, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious.
"They are to me," Maya said, "Because they remind me of how much you did for our family, but I will stop if you want me to."
"No," Carina said, smiling a little, shivering as Maya continued.
Being able to connect with her wife in this way again was something Carina was extremely happy about. Also, the fact that everything still felt just like it did before her surgery made her extremely happy as well because she knew there was a chance she could have changes from the surgery. She also knew, however, that those chances were much smaller since they had been able to keep her ovaries intact.
All of these thoughts melted out of her brain as Maya kept going, Carina's brain only thinking about her amazing wife and how good she could make her feel. Once they were done, they laid in bed next to each other, Carina laying on Maya's chest.
"How are you feeling?" Maya asked as she ran her hand up and down Carina' bare back.
"Amazing," Carina said honestly, "A little sore, but amazing."
"Sore?" Maya said, concerned, knowing they had done nothing that should have made her wife sore, "Is that normal? Did we do it too soon? You said you were ok. You were right? I didn't actually hurt you?"
"Bambina, calm down please," Carina said, "I am fine. It is perfectly normal to be a little sore the first time after such a big surgery. All those muscles haven't worked like that in a long time. Remember the first time after the bambini were born, I was sore then too. It happens."
"Ok," Maya said, calming down some, "I just...I don't want to hurt you. You have had enough pain recently."
"I know you don't," Carina said, leaning up and kissing her wife, "And you didn't hurt me. You made me feel amazing. The soreness is good. It tells me everything is working right and I am healing well. I was a little worried this would not go as well as it did."
"There's a chance radiation could make it harder, right?" Maya asked, "I think that's what I read somewhere."
"Si," Carina nodded with a sigh, "That is true. Lots of women have vaginal changes and even changes in their sex drive from radiation. Most of the time, it is temporary, but there is a chance it can be permanent. I...I don't know what I would do if that happened to me..."
"We would figure it out," Maya said, pulling Carina closer, "You are the world's best orgasm specialist and I would do whatever you needed to be able to still do what you wanted to sexually, ok? I'm sure it is really scary, but whatever happens, we will figure it out."
Carina nodded against Maya's chest, cuddling closer to her, "I love you."
"I love you too," Maya said, glancing at the clock as she pressed a kiss into her wife's head, "It's almost 1 am. We should probably try to sleep unless you want to go shower first."
"I think I am going to shower," Carina said, moving a little, "I am not tired enough to sleep and maybe that will calm me down some, but you don't have to."
"I'm not sleeping right now," Maya said, "Besides, you know I sleep best next to you. Let's go get a quick shower and then at least try to sleep ok?"
They both got into the warm shower after pulling their hair up, Maya not letting her wife do anything but stand under the water as she washed her body, again pressing gentle kisses to Carina's stomach.
"You are so weird," Carina said, shaking her head as Maya continued washing her body.
"I just never want you to forget how grateful I am that you have this scar and these tattoos," Maya said, "Because it means we get to raise our babies together and that I get to love you for the rest of our long, long lives together."
"Stop," Carina said, tears welling up in her eyes as she tried desperately to wipe them away, "You're making me cry."
Maya leaned up, pressing a gentle kiss to Carina's lips before brushing her tears away, "I love you."
"I love you too," Carina said before she started yawning.
"Ok, time to try to get some sleep," Maya said, making sure they were both clean before turning off the water.
They got into bed, curling up in each other's arms as they laid there, sleep finally taking over after another hour.
Maya was, as usual, the first one up the next morning, getting out of bed and going downstairs. She had been debating what she wanted to do with the twins this morning, but she had ultimately decided it was best for them to go to daycare this morning because it would keep them in their normal routine for the morning. She decided she would go with Carina to drop them off and then go for her run from there.
She decided to make some breakfast, knowing apple German pancakes were a favorite of everyone. She wasn't always the best cook, but breakfast foods were something she could do. By the time she had the pan in the oven, it was nearing 6:30 and she knew Rowan would likely be up soon.
She had packed lunches the night before, not totally sure if the twins would be at daycare for lunch or not because of the timing of Carina's appointment, but regardless, they could eat their packed lunch on their family outing if they didn't eat at daycare. She pulled out their sippy cups they took with them, making sure they had one with water and their little insulated cups with milk before going to start Carina's coffee.
Once the cup was finished, Maya carefully carried it upstairs, poking her head into the twins' room and seeing Rowan just sitting up in her bed.
"Good morning Patatina," Maya said, smiling at her.
"Mommy," Rowan said, getting out of bed and coming over to her, reaching her little arms up.
Maya carefully scooped her up, giving her a little kiss on the cheek.
"Mamma's?" Rowan said, pointing at the cup.
"Yeah, this is for Mamma," Maya nodded, "Should we go give it to her?"
"Si," Rowan nodded, pointing at the master bedroom, "Mamma sweepin?"
"I think Mamma is still sleeping," Maya nodded, "You and I are the ones who like to get up early. Mamma and Nora like to sleep."
"No yike sweep," Rowan said, cocking her head a little bit, "I pway."
"I know you like to play," Maya chuckled a little bit as they walked down the hall.
"Mamma," Rowan said as they walked into the room.
"Shhhh," Maya said, "We want to wake Mamma up nicely, like this."
Maya walked over to Carina's side of the bed, setting the coffee cup down on the nightstand before leaning down, still holding Rowan as she pressed a kiss to Carina's lips.
"Mmmm," the Italian moaned a little, smiling into the kiss as her eyes opened, "Buongiorno."
"Me too," Rowan said, "Div Mamma tiss."
"Buongiorno Patatina," Carina said as Maya held Rowan so she could give Carina a kiss.
"Gingiorno," Rowan said, smiling at Carina, "Toffee."
"Did you help Mommy make coffee?" Carina asked as she sat up, taking the coffee that Maya handed to her.
"No," Rowan said, shaking her head.
"She just woke up," Maya said as she set the squirmy toddler down on the bed, "And of course, Nora is still sleeping."
"Grazie," Carina said as she sipped on her coffee, "Did you actually get any sleep last night?"
"I did," Maya nodded, "I fell asleep not long after you. Did you sleep ok?"
"Si," Carina nodded, rubbing her eyes.
"How are you feeling about today?" Maya asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed, moving a piece of stray hair from Carina's face.
"I don't know," Carina sighed, "I am ready for it because all I want is to be able to hold the bambini like normal again, but I am also very much not ready to start radiation and everything that is going to come with that."
"I wish you didn't have to," Maya said, nodding, "But I will be right here with you through all of it, ok?"
"I know," Carina nodded, reaching over and grabbing Maya's hand, "I love you."
"I love you too," Maya said.
"Me too," Rowan said, abandoning her game she had been playing with the sheets, "I lub 'ou too."
"I love you too Rowan Andrea," Carina said, smiling at the toddler.
"Rowan, are you ready to go downstairs?" Maya asked.
"Si," Rowan nodded, "Mamma too. Det up."
"I am getting up," Carina chuckled at the demanding little girl, "I will be down in a few minutes."
"I'm going to get Nora up," Maya said, "Come on Ro. Let's go find your sister."
The next hour was busy as it always was in the Bishop-Deluca household as breakfast was eaten, clothes were put on, and bags were readied for the day.
"Alright," Maya said, after Nora put on her third pair of shoes of the morning, finally deciding these ones were acceptable, "Are we ready to go?"
"I think so," Carina nodded as she finished putting a messy bun in Rowan's hair.
"Let's go," Maya said, picking up Nora as Carina took Rowan's hand.
Soon enough, they were loaded into the car and headed to Grey Sloan.
"So would you rather do the park or the aquarium today?" Maya asked as they drove, "Or something else?"
"Is it supposed to get warmer today?" Carina asked.
"I think so," Maya said, "I can double check though."
"If it is going to be warmer, let's go to the park," Carina said, "I would like to be outside and they love that park by the Sound and then we could go to our favorite coffee shop near there."
"That sounds perfect," Maya said as they pulled up to the hospital.
They got the twins to daycare, drop off going smoothly before Carina got ready to head to her office.
"I will be back later," Maya said as they stopped in a little corridor, "Have a good morning at work. I love you."
"I love you too Bambina," Carina said, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her wife's lips, "Be safe on your run ok?"
"I will," Maya said, stealing one more kiss before they parted ways.
Maya went for her run, coming back to the hospital to get the car before going home to get cleaned up. She checked the weather, seeing that it was supposed to be nice all afternoon.
She then grabbed her journal that she had been using to help her process her feelings about everything that had been going on recently when she didn't feel ready to talk about them fully with her wife or anyone else. She knew today was going to be the first day of the longest part of Carina's treatment and that scared her to no end. She didn't want to see her wife sick or in pain, but she knew it was necessary. She wrote for a while, just dumping her emotions onto the page. She wasn't really big on journaling normally, but right now, it was helping her a lot so she found herself reaching for the blue notebook regularly.
By the time she had done all that, it was already 10:15 so she decided to head to the hospital, not wanting to be late for this appointment, especially because she had missed the last one. However, on her way, she stopped at the store, picking up a bouquet of flowers, knowing how much Carina liked them. She got to the hospital, heading up to her wife's office, seeing it was already 10:45. She knocked slightly before walking into the office.
"Hi Bambina," Carina smiled as Maya walked in, holding her hand with the flowers in it behind her back, "What do you have?"
"These are for you," Maya said, holding out the bouquet as she walked over to her wife, pressing a kiss to her lips.
"Grazie," Carina said, smiling, "You didn't need to do this."
"I wanted to," Maya shrugged as she walked over to a cabinet in the corner, pulling out a vase Carina kept there, "How was your morning?"
"It was fine," Carina said, "Mostly just regular exams, one mamma who found out she is having twins, and one miscarriage which was hard because it was her third one since last summer."
"That is rough," Maya sighed, remembering what it was like when Carina had her miscarriage while they were trying for the twins.
"Si," Carina nodded, finishing typing on her computer, "I know. I am sending her for extra tests to see if something is wrong."
"Is that something that can happen?" Maya asked, "That there can be something physically causing a woman to have miscarriages?"
"Oh yes," Carina nodded, "Lots of things. And sometimes there is no reason and it is just unlucky."
Maya nodded as she walked over to the desk, putting Carina's flowers into the vase, "Are you ready?"
"I want to change really quickly," Carina said, "And then yes."
Carina quickly put her street clothes back on before walking over to Maya, lacing their hands together as they headed out the door.
"The first part of this is mostly just a normal post-op appointment right?" Amelia asked as they walked to the elevator.
"Si," Carina nodded, "It will be a lot like my last one. Dr. Cho will look at my incision, ask me some questions, do an exam, and hopefully clear me to go back to my normal job and taking care of our babies."
"But if she says no, it's going to be ok too," Maya said, not wanting her wife to be utterly disappointed if she was told she had to wait a while longer to go back to normal life, "I can keep taking care of the girls and you can keep working how you have been, ok?"
"I know," Carina sighed, "I know. I just really want to be better."
"I want you to be better too," Maya agreed, "But if you have taught me anything since I met you, it's that healing takes as long as it takes."
"Turning my own logic against me?" Carina said, raising an eyebrow at her wife.
"No, just giving you some of the best advice I have ever been given by one of the smartest people I know," Maya said, smiling at her wife as the elevator doors opened.
Carina got checked in before sitting down in the waiting room with her wife.
"I am glad you are here with me this time," Carina said, leaning her head on Maya's shoulder.
"I am glad I am here this time too," Maya said, squeezing Carina's hand.
They sat there together for the next few minutes until Carina was finally called back into a room, the nurse taking her vitals before assuring them that Dr. Cho would be in soon.
"I'm glad we are out of that waiting room," Carina said as she sat on the exam table, Maya standing next to her, "It makes me feel like...I'm sick, like I have cancer."
Maya bit her lip, not totally sure what to say because she didn't want to upset her wife.
"I mean, I know I do, and I have accepted that for the most part, but also, I don't feel like I do most of the time," Carina said, trying to express what she meant, "And seeing everyone in that waiting room, a lot of them probably never forget and part of me is worried that I will feel like that one day."
"Car," Maya said, seeing the tears welling up in her wife's eyes, "Hey, if that happens, then it does, but it won't be forever, ok? You are going to get through this, ok?"
"I know," Carina said as Maya wrapped her in a hug, "I know. And I also know that for some of those people in that waiting room, they won't and that also makes me so sad for them. I see patients who have cancer, but I always refer them to oncology and then I see them sometimes during treatment, but not very often. I don't know, I think being here, seeing it like this...It just makes it so much more real and makes me think about it more."
Maya nodded, knowing exactly what Carina meant. Just then, there was a knock at the door, Dr. Cho coming in.
"Good morning," she said, coming in, "Oh, is everything ok?"
"Si," Carina said, taking a tissue that Maya handed her, "Just a little emotional. I am fine."
"Ok," Dr. Cho said, going to wash her hands, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?"
"I just...It's hard being here and being in the waiting room and seeing everyone else who is here and remembering why we are all here," Carina said, "And also knowing that for some of people, this is there reality for a very long time and just doing it for the amount of time I have is a lot so I can't imagine how they do it."
"I hear that from patients a lot actually," Dr. Cho said, walking over to where Carina was sitting on the exam table, "About how hard it is to be here and see other people going through things like they are or through other types of treatment. Just remember that everyone is on their own journey, ok?"
Carina nodded, smiling a little at Dr. Cho.
"Ok," Dr. Cho said, "Now, how are you feeling physically? Any pain or discomfort or anything?"
"Not really," Carina said, shaking her head, "I mean, I get the occasional little twinge of pain, but not often. Oh, and my bleeding stopped last week."
"Good," Dr. Cho said as Carina laid down on the table, "You are moving very well. And that doesn't hurt?"
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "I mean, my muscles feel a little weak, but I know that will come back with time."
"It will," Dr. Cho nodded, "Now, can you lift your shirt so I can see how you are healing?"
Carina nodded, lifting her shirt as Maya moved so she was near Carina's head.
"This looks beautiful Carina," Dr. Cho said, looking at the scar, "Can I touch it?"
"Si," Carina nodded, looking up at Maya.
"Ok," Dr. Cho said, "Is it still numb?"
"Some parts, yes," Carina nodded, shivering a little as Dr. Cho it a spot that felt weird.
"Ok," Dr. Cho said, "I am going to do some deep palpation. I know that hurt last time so just let me know if anything hurts ok?"
Carina nodded as she reached for Maya's hand, a little nervous about this part of the exam. She truly was feeling much better, but she was still worried it might hurt.
"I'm right here," Maya said reassuringly, "If it hurts, squeeze my hand ok?"
Carina nodded as Dr. Cho started. There was one small area that made Carina squirm a little bit.
"Does it hurt?" Dr. Cho asked, removing her hands immediately.
"Not hurt so much as just feel...strange," Carina said, "But it's ok. You can keep going."
"Alright," Dr. Cho said, finishing up her exam, "Well, Carina, you have healed beautifully. I am comfortable clearing you for all your normal activities and I also think you are healed enough to start your radiation treatment today if you are ready for that."
"I am," Carina nodded as she sat back up, "Or I guess as ready as I'll ever be."
"Ok," Dr. Cho nodded, "So I just want to go over a few things with you and then I will take you down to radiology."
"Ok," Carina nodded as she and Maya both sat down in chairs.
"So, the plan is to do 8 weeks of radiation with 5 days in a row and then two days off each week. It's Monday so you will do it Monday through Friday and then have the weekends off," Dr. Cho started, "I have a packet about managing the symptoms you might experience. Carina, I'm sure you know a lot of this, but I still want to go over everything if that's ok?"
"Of course," Carina nodded, "I mean, I theoretically know all of this, but I don't remember all of it."
"And I would also like to know what to expect and how to help Carina as best as I can," Maya said, looking between the doctor and her wife.
"Of course," Dr. Cho nodded, "Carina, you will likely have some exhaustion at some point, and when that happens, you need to listen to your body and rest, but also try to keep some kind of light activity up if you can because it has been shown to help with the exhaustion. You might get an upset stomach. The best thing to manage that is usually eating small meals more often that are light. I usually recommend to all my patients getting any kind of abdominal radiation to keep a bottle of Imodium on hand just in case. If you are finding that you have unmanageable nausea and/or vomiting or diarrhea, I can get you prescriptions to help. There is a whole chart laid out with how to help with those symptoms. Your skin will probably get irritated at some point. I want you to start using Aquaphor or aloe on your stomach today. You should put it on right after treatment. It will just help stay ahead of the irritation. There are more instructions in this packet that will tell you what to do if things get worse but avoid tight fitting clothing and harsh soaps. You might also have some vaginal irritation or pain or bladder irritation or pain. If that happens, I have medications that we can try to help. And I will be taking blood every Monday and Friday to check your levels because this can cause a drop in your blood counts. If those get too low, I will get you on medications to help or give you transfusions, depending on where you are at. Usually, patients do really well with radiation for the first few weeks before they start having symptoms. Sometimes they come on very quickly and sometimes they come on gradually. Just listen to your body. You are free to work as much as you feel you are able to, unless you start having issues with your blood counts, but you need to listen to your body."
"I will make sure she does," Maya said, nodding.
"I'm sure you will," Dr. Cho laughed, "Now, do either of you have any questions?"
"Can I still do my treatments during my lunch?" Carina asked, "At least when I am working."
"Of course," Dr. Cho nodded, "Especially because you will be in the hospital. I will make sure we can get that set up. Now, are you ready to go down?"
"I think so," Carina nodded as she and Maya stood up.
"Can I be with her while she gets the treatment?" Maya asked as they walked.
"No," Dr. Cho said, shaking her head, "No one is allowed in the room while the treatment is being done. You can be in there while they get everything set up though."
Maya nodded, knowing it was unlikely she was going to be allowed to stay in the room.
"Alright," Dr. Cho said as they made it to radiology, "This is Landon. He is one of the best radiation therapists. Landon, this is Dr. Carina Bishop-Deluca and her wife Battalion Chief Maya Bishop-Deluca. You have her chart right?"
"I do," Landon nodded, "I was just getting the room set up. Dr. Bishop-Deluca, you can come with me."
"Please call me Carina," the Italian said.
"And me Maya," the blonde said as she walked with her wife.
"Alright Carina," Landon said, "Here is a gown. I need you to change into this. Everything from the waist down off and shirt off too if you can't roll it up easily."
"This one is easy to move up," Carina said, looking at what she was wearing.
"Perfect," Landon said, "There is a changing room right through that door. You can leave your clothes in there because the only people with access to it are people from this room."
"Grazie," Carina said, taking the gown as she walked toward the room she had used when she had her simulation done.
Maya waited awkwardly outside the door, not totally sure what to do with herself. She saw Landon bring out a mold, realizing it was of Carina's abdomen and pelvic region. Something about that hit her hard and Maya had to quickly wipe her eyes and blink back the tears before Carina came out of the changing room.
"Ok," Carina said, coming out in her gown, frowning when she saw the redness in her wife's eyes.
"Bambina, are you ok?" she asked, walking over to her wife.
"Yeah," Maya nodded, "I'm fine. I guess...just being here brings a new level of real to all of this."
Carina nodded, knowing exactly what the blonde was talking about as she wrapped her arms around her.
"I am going to be ok," Carina said, her own eyes welling up with tears, "I promise."
They stood there for a minute before pulling apart, Carina walking over to Landon.
"Ok," he said, "I have everything all set up if you are ready?"
"I am," Carina nodded, sitting down on the able.
Landon skillfully got Carina secured.
"Alright," he said, "You are good to go. Maya, I am going to need you to step out."
"Ok," the blonde nodded, squeezing her wife's hand that she had been clinging to since Carina had come out of the changing room, "I love you Car. I will be back as soon as you are done."
"Ok," Carina nodded as Maya leaned down and gave her a kiss, "I love you too."
Maya squeezed her hand one more time before letting it go and walking out the door. She wasn't totally sure where to go so she just stood across the hall from the door, leaning against the wall.
"Maya?" she heard after about two minutes of just standing there, looking and seeing Cindy standing there, "What are you doing here?"
"Carina has her first radiation treatment today," Maya said, pointing at the room, "And I wasn't really sure where to go so I decided here was probably ok."
"There is a waiting room right around the corner I can show you," Cindy offered, "If you want."
"Sure," Maya nodded, walking with Cindy to a small area with chairs, "Thank you."
"Of course," Cindy said with a smile, "How are you feeling?"
"Nervous," Maya said, "Worried for her. Hoping everything is ok."
"I get it," Cindy nodded, "I remember being an absolute mess when my husband had his first chemo treatment that I don't think I slept the entire night before. It was hard to see him like that."
"I'm really glad she doesn't need chemo," Maya said, "Because that seems very intense. My old fire captain had to get chemo and he was so so sick."
"It is not fun to watch someone you love go through it," Cindy nodded, "None of this is. And I wish I could say it gets easier but it never did for me, but eventually, you just...I guess you get used to how it feels, maybe...It never stopped feeling like I wanted to rip the tubing out of his port and run away with him, but I got better at controlling that feeling I guess. I was also incredibly grateful that he was able to get those treatments though so it was a strange dichotomy to live with."
Maya nodded, knowing that at the moment, she felt like taking a bat and destroying the machine that her wife was in but also like she was so happy that she was able to get it done.
"Is there anything you need?" Cindy asked, "Coffee or anything?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "No, I think I am good. Thank you though. I'm sure you have to get back to work."
"I have a few minutes," Cindy said, "We only have a handful of moms on the floor right now and only one in labor and she is not my patient. Everyone else is postpartum and doing well."
"Ok," Maya nodded, "Well, my wife will be back on the floor soon. She got cleared for all activities today."
"That's great," Cindy smiled, "Her patients will be very happy she is back. And so will we. She is such a good doctor."
"She really is," Maya nodded, "And she loves her job too. She is excited to go back."
The two of them sat there for another few minutes before Carina walked over to them.
"All done?" Maya asked, getting up and walking over to her.
"Si," Carina nodded, "All done. Hello Cindy."
"Hi Dr. Bishop-Deluca," Cindy said, "I'm glad to hear you are doing well."
"Thank you," Carina smiled as she reached for Maya's hand, holding it, "I am."
"Well, I am going to head back to the floor," Cindy said, "I will see you both later."
"Bye," Maya called before turning to look at her wife, "How was it? How do you feel?"
"It was fine," Carina shrugged, hand going to her belly, "I mean, it doesn't feel like anything, but laying there, strapped to the table with the mold over my abdomen knowing radiation is being directed into my body is a lot harder than I thought it would be, mentally at least."
"I'm sorry," Maya sighed, pulling Carina into a hug, the Italian just resting her cheek on her wife's shoulder for a minute.
"Can we go get the bambine and get out of here?" Carina asked, suddenly needing to be out of the hospital.
"Of course," Maya nodded, grabbing Carina's hand again as they headed toward the daycare. As they waited for the elevator, someone suddenly walked up to them.
"Hello Bishop-Delucas," Amelia said, "What are you both doing here?"
"I had my first radiation treatment today," Carina said, looking at her friend, "And my post-op appointment."
"Oh," Amelia said, having all but forgotten what her best friend was going through, "How did it go?"
"I got cleared for everything," Carina said as the elevator door opened, all three of them stepping inside, "And the treatment was fine. I feel normal which is what is expected."
"Good," Amelia said, smiling, "Well, if you need anything, just let me know, ok?"
"Thanks Amelia," Maya said, nodding as the elevator doors opened on the floor for the daycare, "Well, we are going to get the twins and go spend some time as a family this afternoon."
"Have fun," Amelia said, waving as she watched her friends walk away.
They walked over to the daycare, knowing the twins were probably eating their lunch or almost done at this point because it was already nearing noon and lunch time at daycare was 11:30.
"Hello," Nicole said as they walked up to the daycare, "Here for Nora and Rowan?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "But if they are eating, let them finish."
"They are both done I think," Nicole said, "Let me go grab them."
"Are you ready to hold them again?" Maya asked, smiling as she saw the anticipation on her wife's face.
"So ready," Carina nodded, bouncing around a little, "I need my babies back in my arms."
"Here comes Ro," Maya said, seeing the little blonde come running toward the door.
The firefighter stood back and pulled out her phone as the Rowan came over to them.
"Come here," Carina said, crouching down and opening her arms.
"Mamma ouchie?" Rowan said cautiously as she walked over to her.
"My ouchie is all better," Carina said, reaching out and scooping Rowan into her arms, holding her tightly, kissing her cheeks and just squeezing her as she held her, trying not to cry.
Maya stood back, wiping at her own tears as she snapped a few pictures of this beautiful moment. A minute later, Nora came out of the daycare just as Rowan was ready to get down, Carina going over to Nora and picking her up.
"Mamma ouchie?" Nora asked, clearly confused.
"No more ouchie," Carina said as Nora wrapped her arms around her neck.
"Mamma all bedda?" Nora said, putting a hand on Carina's cheek.
"Si," Carina nodded, "I am all better from my surgery."
Nora hugged Carina as Carina hugged her back, a few small tears escaping her eyes.
"Mamma try?" Rowan said, looking worriedly between Carina and Maya.
"I'm ok," Carina said as Nora picked up her head, frowning when she saw the tears.
"Mamma is just happy she can hold you both again," Maya said, picking up Rowan.
"Come here Patatina," Carina said, shifting Nora so she could hold both of them, "I am ok. I am just very very happy that I can hold both of you again."
"Are you guys ready to go to the park?" Maya asked, having stepped away to grab the stroller.
"Si," Nora and Rowan both cheered.
"Alright," Maya said, "Do either of you want to ride in the stroller?"
"No, Mamma uppie," Rowan said as Nora shook her head.
"Do you have them Car?" Maya asked, knowing the twins were getting bigger and harder to carry together.
"Could you take one of them?" Carina asked, seeing if Nora would go to Maya, grateful she would.
"Now, let's go to the park," Maya said as they made their way to the elevator.
The made their way out of the hospital, Carina trying not to think too much about what the next several months were going to look like for their family and instead just focus on the fact that for today, her babies were able to be in her arms, her wife at her side and she was feeling very well.
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What did you think? I hope the fact that this was so long makes up for the fact that it has been over two weeks since I updated this story. I had finals that I had to finish, my sister's college graduation, and then a spontaneous family trip for a week. But I am now back to my "normal" routine (is anything really every normal in the chaos of an accelerated nursing program?) and am hoping to be writing more again. I start a new semester of school tomorrow so once the dust settles from that and I figure out my life again, I should have more time. I have some future chapters planned and half written for this story already so hopefully that will help me get things out to you all faster. Anyway, thank you so much for reading, commenting, and voting! You all are amazing!!