Hi, I'm Y/N Y/LN. and here's the thing, I grew up in the red room along with the great Blackwidow of Avengers. Natasha Romanoff.
ever since we were kids, we're already close to eachother. we're friends. we know eachother's secrets, we spend time together, we do everything together. and I can't really stop myself but... to fall inlove.
today, I was planning on telling her what I really feel. how much I am inlove with her. because it's either now or never. right?
"uhm, Nat? are you in here?" I said knocking on her door.
"Just a second." she shouted and I heard shuffling before she opened the door.
"y/n, hi! w-what can I do for you?" she said and stepped aside letting me in.
"are you busy? can I tell you something?" I said and sat down at the edge of her bed.
she sat down next to me, "not at all, what is it?" she asked with a smile.
"well, I, uh, I don't— I'm freaking nervous right now." I said and let out a chuckle. she smiled and holds my hand, "don't be, what is it?"
I cleared my throat and keep my eyes on the floor, "I like you, a lot. I just, spending so much time you, I can't help it."
I felt her tenses up at my confession, "y/n, look, I—" before she can finish the bathroom door revealing Steve.
"Nat, baby—" when he noticed me his eyes went wide, "oh, uhm, y/n we— me and nat we're just— oh god."
I look at Nat, "you two are... together?" I asked pointing at them while she nods.
"yes, 2 months. we're keeping it a secret for now." she explained, she looks at Steve and they had a conversation with their eyes before Steve excuses himself and leave the room.
"y/n, about the you know, I just—"
"oh, no, no, no. it was a joke, it's a prank!" I said cutting her off and let out a fake laugh.
she furrowed her eyebrows unsure about what I said, "are you- are you sure?"
"yes ofcourse!" I laugh a little, "did I convince you? does it sound and look so convincing?" I asked with energy but deep down inside, I'm hurting. I'm broken.
"yes, y-you sound convincing. you scared me," she softly said and giggles before hugging me, "I love you y/n, you're like a sister to me."
a sister. yes.
I didn't notice that a tear slip off my eyes until Nat pointed it out, "hey, why are you crying? are you sure you're okay?" she asked, her eyes filled with concern.
I sniff and chuckled, "yes, I'm sorry. I just, I can be a really good prankster now. yay!" I lied once again, "I-I'll go, thanks for the time." I said and stand removing her hands from me before leaving her room as fast as I can.
When I reach my room, that's when all the pain come rushing to me. tears instantly covered my face, it hurts and what worst is I shouldn't be feeling this. she's not mine.
I cried and cried until I fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up with heavy feeling in my chest, I wash my face to get rid of the red puffy eyes. I came down to the dining and there they are, waiting for me.
"great, we can finally eat." Tony said.
I sent them a weak fake smile and sat down next to Wanda, we started eating and they all having fun with the conversation that I don't know what is. my mind is not here with them right now.
I got startled when a hand touches my shoulder, "hey, hey, it's me. I'm sorry, you just awfully quiet today. you okay?" wanda asked and I let out a deep breath before nodding.
"are you sick?" Clint asked and I shook my head no.
I ate faster than I intended to get out of everyone's eyes, "hey, what's the rush? slow down, you might choke." I heard Natasha but I ignored her and finished my meal before anyone else. I quickly stood up and run to my room making everyone look at me confused but I don't care.
It continues like that, keeping my distance with Natasha. not only because it's not helping me from moving on but everytime seeing them both together hurts me like hell.
everytime they stealing glances at eachother when no one's looking, the way they look at eachother, everything. it hurts. until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to move forward and continue my life without her anymore.
"Fury, you here? I need to talk to you." I said knocking on his office door.
"come on in," I heard him say and I entered his office, "what can I do for you, Agent Y/LN?" he asked once I entered.
"I was just gonna ask for a break," I said getting straight to the point.
"a break? from what? is something wrong?"
"no, nothing's wrong. I just want to experience something new to my life, without my job getting in my way." I half lied. well, I really wanted to experience something new but on the part that there's nothing wrong? that's a complete fucking lie.
"okay, how long do you need?" he asked, "years. I'll message you once I'm ready to go back." I said before starting to leave.
before I can leave his office completely, I turn to face him once again, "and please, if they ask just tell them I'm on a mission. if they asked what mission, don't say anything." he nodded and I left.
I return to my room and quickly packed my things when a knock on my room interrupted me. without thinking who it might be, I just shouted a come in until I heard the voice I don't want to hear right now.
"where are you going?" Natasha asked noticing my luggage.
"mission." I shortly replied.
"alone?" she asked again and I just gave her a nod, "how long?"
"I don't know." I heard her sigh and before I realize it, she was hugging me from behind. damn you, Romanoff.
"I'm going to miss you, please comeback as soon as possible." she whispered and I sigh, "I can't promise anything." I felt her nod and keep hugging me.
"you need to let go." I said now standing straight, "give me a minute." she said and continue hugging me. I let her, this is probably gonna be the last.
Eventually, she finally decided to pull away. she gave me a small smile before walking beside me all the way to the lounge where we found everyone. great.
"oh hey- where are you going?" Wanda asked when we reach the room and noticing my things.
"Just mission." I lied and smile softly taking the sight. after I leave today, it'll definitely take so long before I get a chance to see them again.
"a solo mission?" Tony asked snapping me out of my thoughts, "unfortunately, yes." I said and chuckled.
"goodluck and be careful y/n, we'll wait for your comeback." Steve said and I send him a small smile.
"I better get going, I'll see you guys soon." I said, and turn my back walking to the door. I look at them one last time before leaving. This will be the time that I'll start caring and loving myself, I don't need Natasha to live. I can do it.
[ 8 years ]
Since the day you left, the atmosphere in the compound is not the same as it was.
Sure they were happy but it's not the same happiness without you, there's something missing not just around the compound but also in someone's life. someone's heart.
When you left, Natasha felt something missing in her life. It's not the same without you in it. It took her so much time before she realised something.
As soon as she gets it, she immediately broke up with Steve which luckily, he understands.
Since then, she keeps asking Fury where were you, where the mission is and how long. but all she gets was nothing. All she wants was you, to see you again and tell you how much she loves you. not as a sister but a woman who she wants to spend her life with.
on the other hand, in your life.
I was peacefully sleeping when suddenly someone jump in my bed, "mommy! wake up, wake up!" I heard my daughter's cute little voice.
She's Auie Crecia [ pronunciation Ayuwi Kresha. ] she's 5 year old. she's smart, talented, loving, beautiful, she's... perfect and I couldn't ask for more.
I kept my eyes close and pretend that I'm still asleep, "mommy, please wake up." she softly said and use her hand to open my eyes looking straight to it making me laugh.
"okay, okay, I'm up!" I said and she giggled, my phone chimes gaining my attention.
Fury: Agent Y/LN, I don't know if you're ready yet and I know you're busy with your little family but I need you to help us take down the hydra base.
Y/N: I'll be there.
I put down my phone and assist my daughter needs, we made our way downstairs only to be met by a nice smell of food. When we entered the kitchen, I saw my husband cooking while dancing.
"there's my girls," he said smiling at us when he noticed us enter.
"goodmorning, daddy!" our daughter chimes, "goodmorning to you too, princess." he replied with the same energy and kissed her forehead, I put her down to her chair while my husband wrapped his arms around my waist.
"and goodmorning to my queen," he sweetly said, I turn my head and kissed his cheeks, "goodmorning too, Buck."
Bucky Barnes. my husband, we've been married for 6 years now. He proposed to me using paper rings, simple but it touch my heart that I know no one else can. he accept me for who I really am, didn't judge me by my past and love me with all his heart. He stayed even though I told him about the red room and telling him that I can't give him a child. when I met him, my life changed. I become much... happier.
-
"hey, are you okay?" I heard a voice, I quickly wipe my tears and look up seeing a guy standing infront of me.
"oh, uhm, yeah ofcourse." I replied with a small smile, "are you sure? because crying at the corner of the street doesn't look okay to me." he said making me chuckle.
"I'm fine really, but thankyou." he offered his handkerchief to me, "take it, you might need it later for more crying but do it at your home." he chuckled before leaving.
-
I was doing my grocery peacefully when someone approach me, "do you think this is a coincidence or it's a message?" I heard the familiar voice.
I look beside me and saw the guy who gave me his handkerchief, "wow, it's you again." I said with a smile.
"oh, and I'm Bucky by the way, what's yours?" he asked offering his hand which I accepted, "I'm Y/N. Y/N Y/LN."
"pretty name, it suits you." he complimented which I smiled about, "thankyou."
-
"what are you thinking?" I heard Bucky snapping me from my thoughts.
"hmm? nothing, I just remembered how we first met," I said and he chuckled, "I would never forget about that."
"thanks," I sarcastically said and playfully rolled my eyes.
"you know why?" he asked and I hum in response, "because that was the time I saw my soulmate." he added making me smile, "you're so cheesy."
Laugh start slipping out of our mouths, we started eating with casual conversation and sometimes listening to our daughters random story.
"by the way, let's go to the compound." I said swallowing my food, "they need you?" he asked looking from his plate to me which I answered with nod.
"we better get ready then?" he playfully said lifting our daughter to his shoulder making her laugh. gosh, I'm so lucky!
Right now we're outside the compound, I crouch down to my daughter's level, "are you ready?" I asked and she nodded excitedly, "come on then."
I look at my husband and found him already looking at me with wide smile, "ready?" he nods putting his hand on my lower back.
when we entered the room, everyone's eyes landed on us, "oh my god, y/n!" Wanda shouted and frantically jumped into my arms hugging me tight.
"well, hello to you too." I said laughing, she pulled away and slap my shoulder, "damn you, you've been gone for so long!"
"I missed your ugly face!" Tony shouted walking towards me with open arms, I shake my head at his antics letting him engulf me into a hug.
Eventually, everyone join and now here we are. group hug. well, except for one person who's just watching the interaction. Natasha.
we all pulled away and Natasha walked towards me, I gave her a smile and she pulled me into a tight warm embrace.
"welcome back," she softly said, "thanks." I replied with a smile.
"why are you here? what makes you to comeback?" she asked once we pulled away but keep her hands in mine.
"someone may or may not texted me because of a mission. taking down hydra base, right?" I look at them and they gave me a nod, "and before I forgot, this is-" I added, about to introduce my family but quickly cut off by Natasha.
"before we do this, can I please talk to you?"
"ofcourse, about what?" she pulled me into the corner and gave my hand a squeeze, "hey, you okay?"
"I don't know where to start b-but when you left that's when I realize everything. That's when I realize that I like you actually no, I'm inlove with you." she confessed and stop to take a breath while my mind is taking everything, "I was so stupid not to see it sooner, to think that I only love you as a sister but the truth is I'm inlove with you but I'm to blind to see it. I-I should've known."
"nat, look, I-" I started but can't find the right words, "we can- we can take it slow. let's give it a try, one date then if it works let's do another one until we figure it out." she said and I sigh.
I let go of her hand and rub my forehead, "look Nat, we can't. I can't." I said and look straight into her eyes.
"w-what? but why?" she asked, and by the look on her face she's definitely hurt.
"you see that guy over there?" I asked glancing at Bucky.
"Bucky? ofcourse, he's Steve's bestfriend."
"he's my husband and the girl he's holding is our daughter." I revealed to her making her look at me wide eyes.
"It's been so long, Natasha. I can't just stay and wait for you, I have a life. and- and now I have everything I wanted. a family. I love him so much along with our daughter and I'm sorry but I wouldn't trade them for anything. not even for you." I hugged her and bury her face in my neck, I felt something wet and I already know that she's crying.
"I'm so sorry, I can wait for you but not this long. I met him at the very exact time of my life, he gave me everything especially the love I'm longing for. He's everything I wanted now, and I can't love you anymore the way I did before, because that kind of love is already own by my husband. I can only love you now as a friend and sister, but not as a lover." I felt her nodded in my neck before pulling her head away sniffling.
She wiped her tears away instantly and chuckles before looking at me, "I'm pretty late, if I just saw it before maybe, just maybe we're together now."
"I'm sorry," I softly said while she shook her head, "no, don't be sorry. it's not your fault, I just need to live and accept the fact that we really can't be together. but, I'm happy for you, really." she said and gave me a warm smile.
I hug her again and gently rub her back, "Please, don't let this stop you from falling inlove for someone else." she nods before wrapping her arms around me again, "I won't."
"are you guys done? can we go and kick some ass now?" Tony said making us chuckle, she pulled away looking away from them wiping her tears.
"Let's go then!" She happily said, I felt bad but looking at what I have now, the person who makes me happy and continues to make me happy everyday, I made the right decision.
we really don't know what's gonna happen next, what the future holds, sometimes when we think that they are the person that we need but the next second you'll just wake up with the right person beside you.
even it's not them, the person you wish to be with you, you'll still be grateful that even you didn't get a chance to be with them, you still get a chance to be with the person that you really belong to and also belongs to you.
_______
and there you go! just a little explanation also, there's no mind control that happened to Bucky and he's not on the run. plus, crecia is adopted because you know, the red room thing. The team didn't know you got married and have a child except for Fury.
ps: if you guys have some request, please don't hesitate to message me or leave your request here and I hope I got your request right <33 KyJohansson
- G.J