Tonight was Date Night.
It was do or die. Josh and I had worked out a time to meet for dinner, and the hour was rapidly approaching. I wanted to go into the night seeming calm, cool, and collected, when in reality I felt the opposite of such. Physically, I was prepared— I was showered, dressed and ready to go, but mentally and emotionally I was extremely uneasy, not knowing how everything would play out.
Everything is going to be fine. I tried to remind myself, but no amount of self-soothing seemed to suffice at calming my nerves.
I gathered all of Lina's essentials together and packed them up. She was going to spend the night with Teagan and Chris, to allow me some flexibility on my date. Once I had everything in order, I made my way over to Chris's apartment.
Unfortunately, it was Mikey who answered the door.
"Celine, you look very nice." He said, scanning me up and down.
Ick.
"Thank you, Mikey. Is Teagan here yet?" I asked, peeking behind him to see into the apartment, not wanting to entertain him any longer.
"Not yet, but I think she's on her way. You can come in and wait inside." He said, stepping aside to allow me to enter.
"Thanks." He took the portable crib from my hands and propped it against the wall as I went to sit on the couch in the living room with Lina. Tom sat at the end of the couch on his computer with his earbuds in and nodded at my presence.
"So, what're you up to tonight?" Mikey said, less so in an attempt to make conversation and more so in an attempt to pry.
"Oh, well, wouldn't you like to know." I remarked.
"I would." He pressed.
"I'm going on a date." I shrugged.
"A date?" He asked, thinking that I was messing with him.
"Yes." I stated simply.
"Oh," His face fell when he realized that I was serious. "I hope you have a nice time." He offered though I read through his attempt at seeming sincere.
"Thank you." I said to be polite and not because I thought he was being genuine.
"Who's the lucky guy?" Tom piped in from the couch beside me, closing his laptop and joining the conversation.
"Oh, just an old friend." I said, not wanting to have to explain myself to them, especially given Mikey's outburst related to Josh and his interest in me.
Luckily, I was saved by the bell, and all of the attention was averted from me and my plans for the evening as Teagan rang in from the lobby.
"I forgot my keys!" She groaned over the intercom as Tom buzzed her in.
When Teagan arrived, I gave her instructions on all things Lina related, and she bid me goodbye— not wanting to give me a pep talk with nosy ears within range. As I waited for my Uber outside of my building, she texted me her well wishes to instill confidence in me for the night.
The Uber pulled up to the restaurant and from the outside it was very unsuspecting, with a small sign above the entrance and a rather drab, yet neat exterior. I entered through the door and was surprised at how nice and elegant the inside was. I assumed that it was a kind of hole in the wall place that would allow us some privacy from the public eye. I went up to the hostess stand, where I was told that Josh had already arrived, and the hostess led me to the table where he sat.
He stood from his chair, greeting me with a hug and a big smile.
The embrace was warm and inviting, leaving me wanting more. He had smelled the same as when I had first met him, almost two years ago, and all of the feelings I had once felt, came flooding back.
Uh oh. The night had only just begun.
"Ah, Celine, you look lovely." He said, taking a step back to admire me in full.
"Why thank you, Josh. You look great too." I said, feeling my cheeks warm at his kind words.
He pulled out my chair for me.
"Why thank you, what a gentleman." I said, getting a shiver of déjà vu.
We sat at the table and Josh ordered us a rather expensive bottle of wine and we both decided on a few appetizers to split while we had the server's attention.
"Now I know this may be a bit unconventional, going on a date with someone who you newly found out you'd be working beside, but I meant it when I said you caught my eye at the concert." He began.
"Yeah, you had definitely caught mine as well, given I noticed that I was the only one you handed a rose to. Although, I thought it was because you were acknowledging Mikey had come to your show."
"No, actually in the moment I hadn't realized Michael was there at all. I was too mesmerized by his date." He said smugly.
"I wasn't his date!" I laughed.
"That's not what he seemed to think." He remarked, raising his eyebrows and taking a sip from his drink.
"That may be so, but I made it explicitly clear I was just going with him as a friend." I rushed to defend myself. I didn't want him to think that there was anything going on between me and Mikey, or that I was leading Mikey on.
"Fair enough, can't blame the guy for trying." He shrugged.
"Plus, it would've been bad of me to be ogling someone else while I was on a date." I added with a smirk.
"You were ogling me, eh?" He said with sarcastic arrogance.
"Who said I was talking about you?" I teased.
He feigned hurt.
I laughed, "I have to admit, you definitely caught my attention that night as well." For more reasons than I was willing to admit. "But I'm sure I have some steep competition. There's no way I'm the only one lucky enough to have caught your eye from the crowd." I assumed.
"You were the only one."
"You're full of it."
"No, I mean it, I don't really date much. I thought you were gorgeous when I saw you, and you had this strange air of familiarity, I was just so drawn to you." He said and I froze. Did he recognize me? "Then it just so happened that you ended up being friends with Michael, and I found comfort in that."
"Come on, I find that hard to believe." I said, trying to find a crack in his smooth façade.
"Why is that so hard to believe?" He laughed.
"Because you're so handsome and charming, I would just expect that women are practically throwing themselves at you." I said earnestly.
"You didn't." He remarked. "I practically had to beg you to let me take you out on a date" He joked.
"I suppose, but I have my reasons for that." I said, feeling a blush come on.
"So tell me, Josh, why don't you date often?" I pressed.
"Well, for starters, I'm very picky. There may be women who are interested in me, but I don't usually pay them any mind." He explained.
"I'm flattered."
"As you should be, you're breathtaking." He said, with such sincerity my heart swelled.
"Oh please, I wouldn't go that far." I brushed off his compliment in an attempt to calm the butterflies in my stomach.
"I mean it— and, in addition to me being selective. I guess I'd say I'm very protective of myself. I mean I never know who's just in it for the fame or the fortune. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me."
"And who's to say I'm not some sort of covert gold digger that played hard to get so you wouldn't suspect me?" I asked with a laugh.
He chuckled.
"Kidding. Seriously though, that's got to be tough, never knowing anyone's true intentions. I'm sorry that's something you've had to go through." I said expressing my sympathy as I reach to hold his hand across the table.
He nodded solemnly.
He cleared his throat, "So, you said you're not seeing anyone..." he smirked taking a sip from his glass.
"Correct, otherwise we wouldn't be here. What kind of girl do you take me for, Kiszka?" I gasped, acting offended.
He laughed again. Good god, that laugh.
"Well, why is a gorgeous woman such as yourself not spoken for?" He said, laying on the charm.
"I don't know. I guess maybe because I haven't met anyone who's worthy. And, dating hasn't really been on the forefront of my mind since I, uh, had my baby." I said, averting my eyes from his gaze.
"I understand... for what it's worth, she's absolutely beautiful, Celine." He said, looking at me intently.
JOSH! She's yours! Evangeline is your baby too! You're half of her DNA! My mind screamed for me to tell him.
"Thank you." I said, trying to remain composed.
"You're very lucky to have her." He added.
We're so lucky, Josh, you just don't know it yet!
God, I wish I had the balls to just blurt it out right now. I kicked myself for being such a coward.
"I am. She's so wonderful," was all I could manage to say.
"I hope I'm not imposing by asking, but Lina's father, is he in the picture?" He asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.
I took a sip from my glass of water, preparing myself for how I was going to answer his question.
He took my hesitation as an indication that he had crossed a line. "Sorry, forget it. I shouldn't have asked. My apologies." He rushed to express his regret.
"No, no, it's okay, it's just not something I talk about often. To answer your question, no he's not." I stated plainly.
"Oh, Celine I'm sorry." He misread my response entirely, offering his condolences.
"It's okay, it was my choice." I confessed. "He, um, he doesn't know."
"Oh, wow. You didn't tell him?" His eyes widened.
"Well, he wasn't in my life when I found out I was pregnant, and given the circumstances I figured it would be best if I just raised Lina on my own, telling him would have just overcomplicated things." I rushed to explain myself further.
"I see." He nodded, taking it all in. "I appreciate your vulnerability, and I'm sorry if I overstepped."
"Hey, every 23-year-old with a baby has some sort of story, am I right?" I offered, trying to make light of the situation.
"I suppose so." He laughed. "I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story in the future." The sincerity in his voice made me melt.
Almost as if it was on cue, the waiter arrived at our table with the check. We both reached for it, but he waved me off, grabbing the bill.
"Let me at least pay for half," I protested, motioning for him to take my card.
"Absolutely not. I asked you out, it's my duty to cover the bill."
"That's awfully kind of you, thank you."
"Don't be too quick to thank me, you can get the check on the next date." He teased.
Was he really considering a second date after hearing about the dumpster fire of my accidental pregnancy out of wedlock in my early twenties to a childless father?
"Next date?" I asked narrowing my eyes, "Who said I'd agree to another one?" I questioned playfully, testing the waters to see if he meant it.
"Wishful thinking." He shot back with a wink.
You could said I was relieved. This meant that I would have more time to deliver the news to Josh (that he was in fact the absentee father we had spoke about) in the best manner possible, with the least damage to our lives and our professional relationship.
Josh called us a car and we rode back to my apartment building together. The radio was playing softly and Josh sang quietly as he looked out the window as the ride began.
"I have to say, you're very talented." I said, patting him on the knee.
"Oh, thank you, you're too kind." He turned to me, the hint of a blush splayed on his cheeks.
"No, I mean it. You have a stunning voice and an impressive range, I was enthralled at the concert." I could tell the wine had done its job as I sung his praises.
"I appreciate it. I love what I do, but if you can believe it, I didn't originally want to be a singer." He confessed.
"Really? What did you want to do instead?" I asked, shocked to have found this as the truth.
"I wanted to be a filmmaker." He stated simply.
"What stopped you?" I asked.
"My twin needed me. It was always Jake's dream to make it big as a rockstar and he created the band to help him get his start. I wanted to help him reach his goal so I took on the role as singer." He shrugged.
"Wow, that's so selfless of you. Do you think you'd be able to do some film on the side, like as a hobby?" I suggested.
"I have creative direction on some of our music videos which has been fun, but at the end of the day when the band has had its time, Jake promised me that he's give up the band to help me out with my film stuff. So it's kind of like a tradeoff in a sense." He explained to me.
"That's really cool of you guys and how you're willing to sacrifice your own dreams for one another. You two must be really close." I said in awe.
"Yeah, we are. The band has helped us all to grow closer, and through it all Daniel has become our brother too." He said, speaking fondly of his brothers.
"That's very sweet. I've always admired how strong the sibling bond is." I commented.
"It's nice to know they always have my back. Do you have any siblings?" He asked.
"No, I'm an only child, but I guess my friends have become like my family in a sense." I began. My family was never really something that I talked about, but for some reason I felt comfortable with Josh, and didn't have an issue opening up.
"Teagan is like a sister to me and her family feels like mine because of how close we've become. I love her parents and her sister. And, Mikey, Chris, and their roommate Tom are all such good friends of mine— they've all been such great help since Lina was born, that I'd consider them like family too." I said decidedly, recognizing how grateful I was for the support system I had.
Just as I finished my sentence, I realized we were at my building already. Josh got out of the car to walk me up to my unit. My entire body buzzed with nerves and anticipation. Was he going to stay?
I unlocked the door and turned to him before entering, "Would you like to come in?" I asked, anxious to hear his answer.
"I would love to, but I should go, I have to be up early tomorrow morning." He said, expressing his remorse with the expression he wore. My heart fell for half a second.
Wait, no. This is good. You've gotten yourself into this mess before, take it slow, Celine. My inner monologue reminded myself, easing my disappointment.
"No worries, thank you for taking me out tonight, Josh, I had a great time." I said trying to convey my gratitude to him.
"As did I." He said with a smile.
"I'm looking forward to that second date you promised." I said, pointing at him playfully, holding him to his word.
"I'm glad to have persuaded you." He said, a grin spreading ear to ear. "Goodnight, Celine." He said leaning in and planting a kiss on my forehead.
I felt weak in the knees.
"Goodnight, Josh." I said, just barely above a whisper. He smiled and turned to leave.
I walked into my apartment and closed the door behind me, leaning against the wall to collect myself.
Oh boy, I'm in trouble.
Every little daydream or imaginative thought I had had about him in his absence, from that night until now, resurfaced at the possibility of them potentially being actualized if things continued with Josh. He was so open and honest with me and I allowed myself to be vulnerable which was not something I was used to, and it was extremely refreshing. After one date, I was certain that I could no longer ignore the way that I felt about him and that I needed to figure out some way to make it work— to make us work— so that I wasn't left heartbroken. But, there was still one giant obstacle standing in the way that I would have to overcome in the meantime.