Rebecca's house was even busier than Jack's had been. The blasting pulse of music could be heard as soon as we stepped out of the car. Laughter and chattering spilled into the night air, merry and slightly slurred. Bec was a popular girl, but I hadn't realised just how popular. The house and lawn were milling with students; it was the biggest party I'd ever attended.
My head was buzzing with a mix of noise and the four shots Izzy had passed to me on the drive over. It seemed that she had Hermione's handbag, except that it was full of an assortment of liquor rather than library books. I was thankful for the faint blurriness of my thoughts as we picked our way across the front lawn. It was the first party I'd ever attended without either Tommy or Sydney flanking my sides, and I was grateful when Cora slipped her arm through mine.
"I know that I didn't support the top, originally, but you do look amazing," she whispered in my ear. "I'm always on your side, I hope you know that."
"I know." I dropped my head onto her shoulder. "I love you, Cors."
She tugged a lock of my hair affectionately, before releasing me back into Kai's diligent care. He stepped up to my side and snuck his arm around my waist, tying us together in matching steps. Cora was immediately grabbed by Izzy, who spun her around with a dizzying laugh.
"I'd be jealous, if I was Tommy," Kai told me in a low voice, sending a shiver through me that settled with a heady warmth low in my stomach.
"Yeah?" I replied, intelligently. I couldn't help it; my breath had caught in my throat, and his eyes were such a vivid blue, it felt like he could through the words caught there.
His voice was a little hoarse. "Oh, yeah. I'm a little jealous, and I've got you." The corner of his lips kicked upward. "For now, at least."
I found that I didn't hate the idea of belonging to Kai Delaney, even if it was just for now. But I liked him being mine even more.
As we strode through the open front door of the house into the crowded hallway, all of our movements were tracked. Appreciative stares lingered on me in ways they never had before. The reflected light of Kai Delaney's attention elevated me to something other, something I'd never been before. I was hyperaware of Kai's hand on me, the warmth of his skin and his body, the distinct smell of him; I was just as aware of myself, the short skirt curving around my ass, the top baring a diamond of skin on my midriff, the slope of my shoulder exposed by Izzy's hairstyle. I felt hot.
Isabelle immediately disappeared, swallowed up by the pulsing crowd instantaneously with a cheerful whoop. I assumed she'd gone to find Jake. Cora followed her into the crowd with a resigned shrug. I barely even noticed. I was caught up in eyes and looks and Kai Delaney.
"I guess this is stage one," I said to him quietly, my lips close to his ear, and I couldn't help the tingles that erupted in me from being so near to him. "What was the next step?"
"God, I can't remember," said Kai, stepping toward me and letting those warm fingers trail from my back a little lower, to play with the hem of that oh-so-short skirt. My breath hitched. "But whatever it is, I hope it involves my hands all over you."
Those blue eyes held promises I didn't know that I could keep. I knew he would do it. Our impending relationship was fake, but there was one part of it that Kai would let me have without complaint. It was hardly a secret that he was a flirt. And by all reports, the payoff was excellent.
I let my fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck, soft strands sliding through my fingers. "Of course, you do," I said. "We all know that you're a shameless hussy, remember?"
"I would never deny my hussy intentions," Kai said with mock seriousness, not at all put out by my reticence. "All of my intentions are completely and utterly hussy related. Oblige me?"
I grinned at him, and I saw Jack Heath, Tommy's best friend, glaring at us from behind Kai's shoulder. My smile shifted into something more savage, and I twined my arms tighter around Kai's neck. Jack's expression was slightly pained; he'd never much liked Kai either. Tommy and Jack were clean-cut, wealthy, future CEO types, who didn't have much time for kids from "the wrong side of the tracks", as Jack put it.
As if I could wipe away their hateful comments with the force of my own genuine friendship, I ploughed my hands through his hair and laughed at his cheeky grin. "I can't believe you would suggest such a thing, Delaney. How dare you try to corrupt a good woman with your loose morals? You are a strumpet!"
"I'd like to be," he said, letting those fingers flit upward slightly. "Unfortunately, my good woman is committed to her chastity. But I'm excellent at persevering."
I slapped his hand playfully, and trailed one finger down his chest with a flirtatious smirk. I knew we were commanding attention, could feel the eyes on me, but whatever was passing between me and Kai Delaney was not even half as fake as I'd intended. There was not a single person in the room who would think we were just friends; there was not a single person in the room who would believe that everything between us was fake.
Even I didn't.
You can have fun, Madi's voice whispered to me. It doesn't have to mean anything.
But I still stepped back slightly, and Kai nodded with understanding, before bending down to yell in my ear over the noise. "Come with me? I want to find Will and the others."
I nodded in agreement, and Kai grabbed my hand to lead me through the crowd. If we'd garnered interest from our classmates at school, it was nothing compared to the eyes that followed us now. Alcohol had loosened their sense of propriety, and shameless gawking was no longer too rude. Besides, hanging out at school was one thing; walking into a party on Kai Delaney's arm usually meant one of two things. You were hooking up with him, or you were about to.
I grabbed Kai's shoulder and pulled him down to my level, forcing him to stoop practically to his knees. I brought my lips to his ear. "Do you know where they are?"
Kai pulled out his phone, showing me a series of messages from his group chat with the boys.
Jameson: wr somewhere. thers pplf an treees.
Sebastian: Jamie is fucked to the moon.
Jameson: i wish. fan only hpe.
Will: We're out in some sort of courtyard, if you go out of the back door through the living room
Will: Also, Isabelle is here
I raised an eyebrow at Kai. "How much did Jamie drink?"
Kai shook his head. "Too much. He does that, sometimes."
There seemed to be leagues in Kai's sometimes, and I wondered if Jameson wasn't perhaps as happy-go-lucky as he always seemed to be. I didn't press the issue, both because it was too loud, but also because Kai didn't seem inclined to discuss the matter.
Instead, I grabbed his hand and dragged him through the living room. I'd been to Rebecca's house enough times when I was dating Tommy to know the layout. Kai's height was remarkably useful for pushing through crowds, although I was pushed around like a pinball. The oppressive push of dancing students exuded heat, and despite my diminutive amount of clothing, I was still too hot. Loud music thumped, the beat reverberating through my chest, and I had to hold onto Kai's hand tightly to avoid being swept away by hands and greetings and people trying to draw us in for conversation.
I smiled and made polite excuses; I'd rather talk to Jamie and Seb and Will than make conversation with classmates who wanted details on my relationship with Kai that did not exist. I would avoid having to fabricate details for as long as possible.
Cool air slapped us as we pushed out of the house into the courtyard. It wasn't as busy as the main house, and most of the people were chatting quietly and mostly sober, save Mason Reeves puking into a bush, and Jameson.
"Jamie," said Kai on a sigh.
Jameson was spread across a bench, lazy and relaxed, a vague smile settled on his lips. At the sound of Will's voice, he tilted his head toward us, and almost fell onto the ground, before righting himself with a sound that was half-snort and half-giggle. "Kyle," he said loftily. "There's no need to sound disappointed. I will punish myself tomorrow morning over a porcelain toilet bowl, never fear."
Kai settled into the spot beside him, and pushed the hair back from Jamie's forehead. "How much have you had to drink?"
"All of them, probably," Jamie said solemnly.
"Definitive," I said, raising an eyebrow.
Jamie's gaze shifted from Kai to me, and he smiled his slow, charming smile. "Hi, Vally, Ally, Val. Have you come to admonish me as well?"
I shook my head, smiling slightly. "No."
It was surprising, to see Kai like this. I'd always known that he was the de facto leader of the group, with Will his faithful, talented sidekick; always the one walking a little ahead, always at the centre of every conversation, the gravitational force that the others circled around. Everyone said that he was the one egging them on, encouraging them to pull dangerous stunts or to get into trouble. I hadn't expected the equivalent of a patient soccer mum who seemed to have unwittingly become the mini-van driver.
He was like Steve.
Jamie confirmed my belief when he grabbed Kai's shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "He worries too much. He's going to develop stress migraines."
"You need someone to worry about you," Kai said. He lifted his eyes to scan the courtyard, and offered me a soft smile, before looking to a spot over my shoulder. "Where are Seb and Will?"
Jamie screwed up his forehead. "Will's with Izzy. And Seb... something about me being a fucktard."
Seb appeared as if summoned, pushing through the scattered crowd on the lawn with a plastic cup of water in hand, nudging Lex Histon out of his path with a firm hip to the side. "You are a fucktard," he said unsympathetically, but his gaze was fond. "But I said I was getting you some water."
"Sebastian!" Jamie called, pleased.
Seb passed the glass to Kai, who propped Jameson's head up on his thigh and helped him to sip on the water. Jamie drank gratefully.
"Well, I know why Cora called you for babysitting last week," I said.
Kai grinned. "My motherly instincts and tender womanly wiles?"
"You play a great nurse," I said.
"Can I play nurse with you?"
Seb didn't seem fazed by Kai's blatant flirting. All he said was, "I've got Jamie for now, if you want to find Will. He's playing sentinel." Seb looked at me. "Sometimes, when Kai plays mother hen, Will plays warrior dad," he explained. "And right now, he's watching Isabelle like an overbearing hawk."
"We're going to be finding little chopped up bits of his body for days," Jamie contributed, miming scissors viciously removing a ballsack from Will's hypothetical body.
Isabelle didn't seem like the kind of girl who would enjoy a bodyguard.
"Will you be okay for a second, Valerie?" Kai asked, looking at me through dark lashes. "I won't be long."
I nodded. "Yeah, sure."
I could see Will at the other end of the courtyard. With the number of people, he kept fading from view before reappearing through the gap in the crowd as people moved. Kai gently dislodged Jamie's head from his lap, and with a last, meaningful look at me, disappeared amongst the people in search of Will.
"Poor Will," Sebastian said, looking toward the spot Will had been. He didn't deign to elaborate, because his attention was captured by Jamie, who was struggling to shift himself upright. "James, stay down."
"I'm fine," Jameson mumbled.
"You look marvellous," I said. "Real top-notch condition. Hey, I'm signing us up for a marathon; it starts now."
Jamie's attention was captured by me, and as he managed to regain enough balance to find himself standing, he smiled at me. "You are quite sarcastic."
"I've been told."
Jamie stumbled into me, wrapping one arm around my shoulders and looking at me with glazed eyes. He smelt of alcohol. Jameson usually had Disney prince good looks—windswept hair, clean shaven, twinkling eyes—that were marred by a perpetual flirtatious, mischievous grin. Now, the illusion was shattered by a smile that was vacant and dopey. "Val-er-ie," he said slowly. His eyes languidly swept my body; it wasn't heated in the same way Kai's had been, but instead more of a detached fascination. "You look pretty."
"Thanks, Jamie," I said with a small laugh.
He nodded solemnly. "I think I might be..." he squinted at me, and then at the sky. "I think I might be drunk."
I patted his arm reassuringly. "That is an excellent assessment."
He looked pleased. His weight was bearing down on me, heavy on my side, and I was grateful when Sebastian slung Jameson's other arm over his shoulder. Seb gazed at Jamie with equal parts fondness and exasperation. Looking at Jamie's beautiful face screwed up and glazed over with intoxication, loving and complimentary through the haze, I felt the same.
I nodded my thanks at Seb, who smiled back.
Seb helped me drag Jamie back to the bench, not bothering to lie him down flat again, and arranged his long limbs over the back to ensure he sat upright. Seb slid into the spot beside him to stop him from tumbling sideways. I slid beside him, and let Jamie's heavy arm settle over my shoulders. Jamie wasn't as tall as Kai, but his shoulders were broader, more solid. It was strange to see a boy like Jamie so completely incapacitated, and even stranger to see someone whose words were usually so carefully crafted speak without preamble or consideration.
Jameson's head fell onto Seb's shoulder. "I much prefer to be drunk in a charming and graceful way," he announced, waving his hand absently in the air. Sitting down and safely secure, his words were still slurred, but at least they made sense. "This is just rather bleak."
Seb smiled indulgently. "You still managed charm plenty. You spent half an hour making out with Holland Rivers."
Jamie blinked drowsily. "Oh. Well. That's less bleak. Maybe I should do this more often. I do hope I gave her my number."
"I think she may already have it," Seb said drily. "You have been friends for two years."
"Ah."
It was silent for a moment. The sound of classmates talking and music thumping and laughter spilling into the night seemed to be inconsequential. Jamie's silence spoke volumes.
"I don't want Kai to be mad at me," Jamie said softly. He looked at me, big eyes pleading. "Will you tell him not to be mad at me, Valerie?"
I looked to Sebastian, desperate, but he just shrugged.
"Yeah, sure," I whispered.
He smiled sleepily. "Thanks." A pause. "You know you don't have to stay with me, Vally. Go canoodle with the big man."
I grinned, shifting Jamie's weight to Sebastian, and sliding out of my seat. "Trying to get rid of me?"
Jamie squinted. "Always."
A hand clasped over my shoulder, and I spun around to face Rebecca. Her dark hair was threaded with sparkly tinsel, and her mascara was a little smudged, but her eyes were mostly clear; and they were projecting shock and panic. Bec and I had been friends for years; since she'd started dating Jack when they were fourteen. But despite four years of sharing a lunch table and attending parties together, we weren't exactly close. I had always had Sydney and Tommy and Cora.
"Valerie!" she hissed. "What the fuck are you doing?"
I blinked in surprise. "Uh, babysitting Jamie?" I said, almost as if it were a question. At her blank stare, I gave her a small wave. "Hi to you as well, Bec. Are you having a nice weekend? I'm loving the DJ. And what are your thoughts on the economy?"
Seb snorted a laugh.
"There's no need to be glib," Rebecca said. "But seriously, what are you doing with Delaney? Tommy and Sydney are going to blow a fuse."
"In my experience, they prefer to blow something else," I said lightly. Seb laughed at that point, letting go of Jamie's shoulder. When Jamie tilted forward, I shoved him back into his seat unceremoniously. He gave me an errant thumbs up, before his auburn lashes fluttered closed, every bit a sleeping beauty. I turned back to Rebecca. "Seriously, what's the problem? Am I not allowed to rock up to a party with Kai? We're friends."
Rebecca folded her arms. "Does he know that? Since when is Kai Delaney just friends with any girl, other than Cora?"
I shrugged. "I never said we were just friends. He's interested, and I'm seeing how it goes."
Rebecca gave me a look of complete disbelief. "C'mon, Ally. Don't kid yourself. I understand that what Tommy did was fucked up. But he's sorry, and Sydney is inconsolable. I get that you have to be mad for a while, Tommy gets it too, but everyone knows that you'll get back together. It's just a matter of time. But you can't just fool around with Kai Delaney of all people in the meantime. If you want to experiment and get it out of your system, pick someone else. Anyone else. For god's sake, fool around with Jameson if you have to."
Jamie's head lolled sleepily. "You're a pretty girl, Vally. I volunteer as tribute; but I have to be honest, I'd probably give it a miss just right now."
My lips tilted. "That seems like a good idea, Jamie."
I looked back at Rebecca's pleading face. Was that really what she thought? Was that what Tommy thought? That this was a temporary, forgivable blip, on our long road to marriage and happily ever after?
Across the yard, I saw Tommy outlined in the doorway; writhing bodies and flashing lights the backdrop for his despondent silhouette. His head was bowed slightly, and he was holding the doorframe with a white-knuckled grip, as if it was the only thing holding him upright. It probably was; if I knew Tommy, he was halfway to being as fucked as Jamie. After a moment, a curvy dark-haired girl appeared at his shoulder, coral pink lips twisted into a wry and sorrowful smile. Sydney.
The image of Tommy's naked frame anchored above Sydney flashed across my mind in vivid detail. I couldn't forgive them for that.
Rebecca bit her lip and looked at me piercingly. "Seriously, Valerie. Not Kai Delaney. For them."
"You're asking me to pick someone else on their behalf," I said coldly. "They didn't offer me the same courtesy. Someone else. Anyone else."
"Val—"
"Excuse me, I have an offer to take up," I said, pushing past her. At the last moment, I turned back. "Seb, are you sure you're all good with Jamie."
His eyes flashed. "Rebecca can help me; thanks Rebecca!"
Without waiting for her response, I turned on my heel and left.
I picked my way across the lawn beneath Sydney's and Tommy's watchful stares. The courtyard was gradually filling with people as people arrived, and the indoor became too crowded. Kai was leaning against the fence, holding court, as pretty girls approached him with suggestive grins and he dismissed them with polite disinterest. Will stood at his side, speaking to Kai with a low voice and his eyes attached protectively to Isabelle and Jake Bodrum.
I pushed through the crowd of girls, my small heels sinking into the damp grass beneath my feet, and Kai's face lit with recognition and something else when he saw me. "Hey, how's Jamie? Is everything okay?"
I didn't respond, instead placing my hand directly on his chest, a mirror of earlier in my bedroom. When I looked up at him, his eyes had gone dark again. Another mirror. That molten gaze was fixed on me. It felt as if sound was travelling through water, muffled by the pulse of blood rushing in my ears. He was so beautiful; too beautiful to be mine, even if it was only temporary. But the way he looked at me made me feel powerful and in control.
"Valerie?" he asked, a question.
I bent up to whisper in his ear. "This doesn't mean anything."
"Never," he said breathlessly.
And then I kissed him.