Inspired by Apink's "So Long" and K-drama "Run On"
Male Reader
Angst
Requested by ssamugatoo
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From very early on, Kazuha was there.
The two of you were like two peas in a pod. You two were inseparable. Where ever she went, you followed. No matter where she went, you wouldn't be too far behind.
If she got into ballet, you got into dancing as well.
If she won a competition, you would strive to do the same.
If she wanted to train dance abroad, you worked harder to get the same opportunity.
That was how your dynamic was with Kazuha. She would always go and do big things and you would try your hardest to keep up. She was a star and you were just trying to reach her.
It all started in pre-school when the two of you were paired up for some playground games. Things like tag, hide and seek, and whatnot. While you didn't want to admit it, she was significantly faster than you. She'd run ahead of you and you'd gas out hoping you could catch up.
When the day ended, Kazuha was there, waiting for you with her hand stretched out.
"Wanna be friends?"
To you, it was a no-brainer. It was more surprising that she wanted to be friends with you, especially since she left you in the dust while running and you were more like dead weight than a helpful teammate throughout the day.
Still, she wanted to be friends.
And you were willing to be there for her.
___
Once the two of you entered elementary school, you and Kazuha were best friends.
This was also around the time she started ballet and you started contemporary dance. When she had started ballet, you were one of the first to know. There was a sparkle in her eyes you hadn't seen before whenever she spoke about dancing that you couldn't forget.
"It's so elegant! I love it!" Kazuha shouted excitedly during recess one day. "It's like being a princess!"
You, on the other hand, were too busy being captivated by her eyes that you weren't paying too much attention to what she was saying. Instead, you just nodded along.
"You should do it too! It's fun!" There wasn't much to go off of, but there wasn't much need for convincing. If Kazuha liked it, you would too. That was the unspoken rule between the two of you, though you were the only one following it.
"I'm not a princess! I'm a boy!"
"Then you can be a prince!" She childishly shouted out. "I'll be a princess and you'll be my prince!"
Even your elementary school brain could see the implications of becoming prince and princess and it made you blush. If the two of you were prince and princess, that would mean you'd never have to leave her side. That thought alone was enough to convince you. "Yeah, sounds fun!"
Your parents were against it at first, but with thorough convincing from both you and Kazuha, you were enrolled in contemporary dance. You initially wanted to get into ballet like Kazuha had, but you were convinced by your parents that you should go into contemporary dance instead since it was a more modern style. Seeing as the dance studio you were going to be practicing at was the same as Kazuha's, you didn't mind it.
The classes went by and you enjoyed your time dancing, even if it wasn't alongside Kazuha. You knew how much she loved dancing and, while you couldn't admit it, that was why you enjoyed it too.
It wasn't because you truly enjoyed it.
Kazuha's passion became your passion.
___
You couldn't remember anymore.
Was it her sixth so far this year? Seventh? More? At this point, you weren't sure.
Kazuha was winning awards and competitions at an alarming rate. No matter where she went, she would come back with a trophy in her hands and a smile on her face. It didn't matter if she went far or if the competition was somewhere close, she'd undoubtedly come in first.
She became the talk of the school during middle school. While some of it was about the trophy cabinets she filled, there were also talks about her looks and how beautiful she was. At some point, you had gotten used to it and later on, you fully ignored it.
None of that mattered to you since you and Kazuha were best friends.
Forever and always.
What mattered more was dancing. More specifically, dancing together. That was your final goal. If you could stand on the same stage together, under the same lights and in the gaze of the same people, you were happy.
Before all of that though, the two of you had to work hard.
At least that was until Kazuha came back from a long trip empty-handed. You hadn't noticed at first, seeing as she was in a cast. It looked more like a corset, but you could tell it wasn't designed with fashion in mind. It wrapped around her torso and it looked excruciatingly uncomfortable to wear. You had never seen a lumbar brace this sturdy before.
Worry clouded your mind.
It was cold to the touch. Hard plastic, you thought. "Are you OK?"
Kazuha nodded weakly, not wanting to move too much. "It's fine. Just some back pain that'll go away in a month or so. Spondylolysis, apparently."
Even if she said it was fine, you could see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. When you realized there was no trophy, you knew this was something that might affect her for a while.
You couldn't remember the last time Kazuha came back from a competition empty-handed. In fact, there probably wasn't a time she came back without some sort of hardware ready to be placed in her ever-growing trophy cabinet.
Since she was sidelined for the next little while, Kazuha took it upon herself to help you. Unlike her, you weren't a prodigy. You were just a regular middle school student in contemporary dance classes who occasionally stepped onto a stage to participate in competitions. There weren't trophy cabinets filled top to bottom with your accomplishments. There weren't news sites calling you the next big thing in dance. You were just you. Nothing but simply a dancer who wanted to forever stand by somebody's side.
From the moment Kazuha stepped into the dance studio with you, there was a change in the air. She was no longer your friend. That cold, calculating, analytical look in her eye drew a clear line you weren't going to be crossing. She was there to coach you, not coddle you.
In minutes, you were heaving for breath and covered in sweat. This must've been what Kazuha had gone through to get to where she was now, you thought.
She was harsh and she was direct. She had a no holds barred approach to dance and while it was tough, it was insightful. You could appreciate the amount of work that went into Kazuha's monstrous rise in the dance community.
"You're one step behind. Do it again." She clapped her hands as she hit rewind on the song. "You aren't leaving here until you get it right."
You were drenched in sweat and had no sense of time. That dance studio felt like it was separate from the rest of the world. Whenever the two of you were in there, time didn't exist. The hours sometimes passed by like seconds while other times, hours passed by like days.
Kazuha didn't let you leave until you got the choreography perfect.
But you were always a step behind.
___
The Netherlands was a world away.
You didn't need a world map to know that. 8750 km meant nothing on its own, but knowing that the person you called your best friend was over there made the distance seem larger than it already was.
That sparkle in her eyes when she told you about ballet in elementary school was back when she told you about the opportunity.
"The Netherlands?"
"Mhm! Have you seen the pictures? It's like rolling hills as far as the eye can see and bicycles everywhere!"
All you could do was nod. This wasn't the first time she moved countries. First was Russia and it was the UK soon after that. There was a hole in your life when high school started and there wasn't going to be something or someone that could fill it. Only one person could, but they were halfway around the world.
It hurt to be miles apart from Kazuha, though you hid it well from her whenever she'd call. She was pursuing her dreams and you weren't going to stand in her way.
That said, if she couldn't be where you were, maybe you could be where she was.
At least that's what your high school brain thought as you poured more hours in the dance studio. Kazuha had taught you how to get the most out of practices. You needed that knowledge more than ever since you had decided to put your name in for more competitions. High school and grades be damned, you wanted to be by Kazuha's side.
___
While Austria wasn't exactly the Netherlands, you ended up getting an offer to go study there.
Seeing as Austria was still in Europe, you accept right away. Even if your goal was to get into a school in the Netherlands, studying anywhere in Europe was better than anything you could have imagined.
You arrived at the airport in Austria during the summer and the butterflies in your stomach didn't die down. This was a new chapter in your life and unlike high school, you were a lot closer to Kazuha. You didn't have to convert time zones whenever thinking about calling her. Now, there were only a few hours of difference and it was easy to work out when you could call her and when you should let her practice in peace.
That helped the two of you get connected again.
The time away from her left a hole, but it was easy for the two of you to reconnect and catch up on each other's lives. Being friends for so long definitely helped you and Kazuha get in rhythm with each other again.
Like clockwork, Kazuha would call you on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays while you'd call her on the other days. It was always the same time and it quickly became a routine that was easy to fall into. Just being able to talk on the phone consistently was something you missed so there was no shot you were going to let this opportunity go.
Every time either of you picked up the phone, you'd learn more about each other during the time the two of you spent apart.
You knew basically everything about her at this point. Her friends, teachers, and all of the gossip that circulated in her school, you heard from Kazuha. You also learned about her crushes, her enemies, and everyone in between.
The same went for her as well. With the knowledge she's gained from you, Kazuha could easily transfer schools and instantly fit in. You didn't always have a loose mouth, but your thoughts naturally flowed whenever you spoke with Kazuha. She knew everything about you and you about her. There were no secrets.
"Wait, so you don't have a girlfriend yet?" Kazuha stifled a laugh as she spoke through the phone. It was glaringly obvious, though you were used to Kazuha's thoughts slipping out once in a while.
You rolled your eyes. "No."
"Why not? I'm sure there are plenty of girls just waiting for the right opportunity to strike and ask you out!"
"You know that's not true. I think I know when someone's into me. My emotional intelligence is pretty high, you know?" It hurt to hear Kazuha talk about these things. It wasn't because it hurt your pride or that you didn't want to hear Kazuha's spiel about how you're not trying enough to get in a relationship. The bigger problem was that your eyes were always on one person, unwavering from them. She had your heart since day one, but you never acted on it.
Now it was Kazuha's turn to roll her eyes. "I don't think you've caught on to some of the signals I've seen so far though."
"Oh really? Like what?"
She didn't miss a beat as she started listing whatever came up in her head, but none of it really mattered to you. Those were acts by people you didn't know. Faceless figures in the crowd that you didn't care about.
As it dragged on, you got sick of it and stopped her before she could continue. "Either way, maybe I'm not in a relationship because I already have someone in mind?"
"Really? You have someone in mind? You?" Kazuha sounded skeptical, which wasn't too surprising. Since she captured your heart since day one, whenever she asked you about who you were interested in, you brushed the question off. After years and years of Kazuha trying to pry information out of you, she decided you just weren't interested in anyone, though that was far from the truth.
You scoffed at Kazuha's surprised face. "Of course I do."
"As if."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
___
It seemed the world had it in for you.
When you had gotten the ticket to fly to the Netherlands during summer break, you were so excited your heart felt like it was about to burst. Talking on the phone was one thing, but getting to see her in person for the first time in what felt like lifetimes was something you couldn't wait for.
But when you locked eyes with Kazuha as you got through baggage pickup, you realized how much it hurt to be away from her for so long. You finally understood what it felt like to yearn for someone for so long.
That feeling only started to get worse as she started talking to you with those sparkling eyes of hers. You missed them so much. The gap between the two of you shrunk instantly. All of the miles of distance between the two of you were nothing now as she pulled you in for a tight hug.
It seemed like everything was destined to only go up from here.
"C'mon (y/n), there's so much we have to do!" Kazuha's excited voice sounded like honey to your ears as she started jogging towards the doors. With your suitcase in hand, you followed suit. "My boyfriend's waiting in the car!"
Your legs suddenly felt like concrete.
You watched as Kazuha kelt jogging and that distance that was virtually nothing moments ago was growing at a pace you couldn't keep up with.
Each step she took was another step you wouldn't be able to overcome.
___
Free time was something you cherished since there was so little of it.
You had joined a dance company straight out of university and all of the free time you had disappeared into thin air. There was a lot of work to be done. Practices were nearly daily and it was your responsibility to keep your body in tip-top shape. Dancing was your song and your body was your instrument. Without an instrument, you can't perform.
The ice bath wasn't something you particularly enjoyed, but it definitely helped you in many ways. After a practice or training session, the ice bath was always waiting for you. Its deathly cold water was ready to accept your body and help you recover faster. Your muscles always thanked you afterwards. The ice bath also helped you clear your mind. In a way, it was almost meditative. You didn't think about the worries that plagued your mind every other second of the day since you were too focused on how cold the water was.
Once again, you were sitting in an ice bath trying to fight your instinct and desire to jump out. Nothing else was on your mind as you felt the cold starting to seep into your bones.
At least that was until your phone started ringing. It sat just outside of the bath and you had initially not heard it since your mind was preoccupied with your thoughts on the freezing cold ice water. You had picked up the call after the caller rang your phone for the third time in a row.
"Hello?"
"(y/n)! You finally picked up!" It was nice to hear Kazuha's voice again. That beautiful voice was something you hadn't heard in a while since both of you were busy travelling and performing constantly. You could visualize her smiling face as she talked into the phone."I've got really good news!"
Kazuha's good news was bad news for you because it usually meant one of two things. Either she was getting more recognition in the community and getting busier or something good happened between her and her boyfriend. Of course, both of those scenarios were good for Kazuha, but you were selfish. Every bit of good news was just more distance between you and her. It meant there was going to be less time for you in her life.
"What's up?"
"He proposed to me today!"
The blood in your veins went cold like the water you were sitting in. All of your senses were diverted from thinking about how cold the water was to thinking about how far Kazuha was from you.
You quickly recovered. "Really! Congratulations!" The last thing you wanted to do was to make Kazuha aware of how you truly felt. She was your best friend and she was getting married. You should've felt happy for her. This was her big day. She was going to marry a good man. A man who deserved her because he worked just as hard and loved her just as much as you did."Just don't forget me after you get married and famous, alright?"
Kazuha's fairy-like laugh rang through your phone. "Of course not! You're my best friend! How could I forget you?" It was reassuring but also heartbreaking. "We haven't gotten specific dates down, but you have to come. I'm not having a wedding if you can't be there! Oh! And bring that girl you're interested in! I want to meet her and make sure she's right for you!"
She couldn't see it, but a sad smile sat on your lips. There was no girl you were interested in all this time. You always thought Kazuha was the one for you, but now it seems like you're all alone in the world. "You might have to wait a while then because I don't think I can ask her out anytime soon."
"Why not? You're smart, funny, and good-looking! Any girl swoons over that kind of man!"
It felt like Kazuha was just beating your heart in with a brick with every word, though she'd never know. She had such terrifying and destructive power over you, but she'd never know that since her focus was on someone else this whole time.
Kazuha's eyes were facing towards the future while you were facing her back, watching as she continued to get farther and farther away with every step while you tried to catch up. Stand too far and she's out of sight. Stand too close and she's blocking your view of everything around you.
You were forever and always one step behind, but now, you needed to take a few more steps back and see the rest of the world.
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A/N
To be completely honest, I had no idea how to end this chapter. I might come back and revisit it, but I think this is how it'll be for a while. I have no idea why I ended up writing an angst chapter, but I think it's because I've been in a good mood lately and I need to even it out.
I don't know much about LE SSERAFIM since I haven't really watched much of their stuff, but I'm a fan of Kazuha simply because I studied ballet for two years and contemporary dance for three years. I wasn't a big fan of "Fearless" when it first came out, but now it's been stuck in my head for weeks now. I still need to listen to their B-sides.