Our first full week back has been productive, if not so much for moving things along, then to at least take a pulse on where it still sits. School hasn't even started yet and I'm already chomping at the bit for it to be over so we can get to the weekend, and all the stuff Troy and I have planned to pack it full of. The gentleman that he is, he hasn't pushed or prodded too hard about us still having to keep a safe distance when Cat is around, even if I can tell he's been taking the entire setup harder this week than before. I don't blame him either, it must seem so stupid that we can't just tell her we're dating, but if this week has shown me anything else, it's just how volatile she's becoming.
I can feel myself pulling away too, not in any way that's bad, but more organically, a natural result of needing to devote more of my time to my relationship. Despite not knowing outright, she must sense something is up, and I fear it's goading her more into this ill-conceived revenge plot she's cooked up as a way to placate me, earn back my friendship maybe. Or maybe this distance she perceives, and thus the weakening bond of that something special I know she relies on, is genuinely triggering for her, and this is how she chooses to cope. There's no telling what's going on in her mind, only that I continue to be at a loss for what to do.
Thank god Troy is always so chill about everything, I'm sure this whole mess we're in can't be a good look, but he's been very forgiving. I don't know how I keep forgetting just how awesome he is. We still have a few minutes before first period so I go to find him on his wall, waiting until he's finished with the deal he's in to approach.
"Isn't that weird? I was totally just thinking about how much I wanted to see you. Good morning, handsome." He's quite the sight greeting me in his ripped jeans, guitar held casually in his lap, an uncontrollable grin appearing as he reaches out for my hand. How could I not give it to him? "Did you decide what you want to do first this weekend? I made a list of movies we could rent if you feel like staying in and having a marathon. I assume there will be cuddling of some sort involved? Oh, I also did more work on the song I've been writing too, so if we get the chance I'd love to hear your feedback."
"Definitely feeling the movie idea, maybe something scary? Any excuse to be close to you." I tease him, flirting.
"You trying to make me swoon, Summers? Give up now I tell you, my willpower is made of steel! You're going to have to try a lot harder than that." Troy jokes, his smile getting bigger. "Okay, maybe not, but still! I refuse to admit defeat. Keep going, I dare you, at this rate I'm tempted to forget about school entirely so we can skip right to the good part."
"You act like that would be a bad thing, but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea." I press. I can't put my finger on it, but since we got back from break things have been different. Better. That might be Troy, or all the changing I've been doing since before we even got together, or to hear my parents say it, it might even be because of therapy, but all I know is that I'm enjoying learning to live again. Colors seem brighter and things taste sweeter, I'm able to focus in my classes and I experience authentic joy and excitement every single time I see Troy.
There are absolutely a million awful things I have to deal with, I'm not saying those simply go away, but now it's like there's something good to help balance that awfulness, where before that's all I had. That's good perspective; reframing, as my therapist called it. Though there are other ways I want to tease Troy, more funny, more flirty, he pulls his hand away, offering a heads up before I even turn around to witness Cat striding over.
"How did I know I'd find you two here? Were you able to finally have that little chat with our friend, Drew?" Cat asks, her lofty implications hidden behind the pair of sunglasses she wears in spite of the overcast sky.
"Oh, we had a chat alright. Always a pleasure seeing you, Cat. Here for your usual?" Troy sets his guitar aside in favor of his backpack. I observe the transactional exchange between them, both in business and personally. She puts the money in his hand, unaware that I'd been holding it no more than a minute ago, and he gives her a baggie in return. She inspects it carefully, then slips it into her back pocket.
"At least you're useful for something, Troy. Actually, I do have a question for you." She leans against the wall to study him. "Say I wanted to get my hands on something other than weed, is that something you could make happen?"
"Is this a hypothetical, because it depends." He glances at me, confused, and then back to her. "Why, what are you looking to get? I need more to go on here."
"Rohypnol, for example?" How she comes out with it, so ordinary, wouldn't justify the shocked expression that goes across Troy's face. Or mine. Again he looks to me, but I'm speechless too, leaving him to clarify on his own in disbelief.
"You mean date rape?" The word, every bit as ugly and heavy falls from his lips, hurting more than I could have expected. Why would Cat dare to drag Troy into her scheme? Why would she put him right in the middle of me and her and Chad and all the bad stuff I have busted my back to keep him and this beautiful thing separate from? Poor Troy, he has no clue the unwitting pawn she makes of him as he exclaims. "You're not serious, do you know how much trouble I could get in for something like that?"
"More trouble than if someone told your dad, or even the principal, that you're out here every morning selling weed and uppers?" She remains so placid, still no indication of the seedy connotation to her line of questioning even while she's threatening him outright.
"Cat, woah, not cool." I step in. Maybe she doesn't care what he has to say, but I expect she'll listen to me better.
"Relax, it was only a hypothetical. Right, Troy?" Cat dismisses it, beholding him snidely. It chills my bones to be confronted with the reality of her plan, cutthroat and ruthless, and how no one is safe so long as she gets what she wants. Finished with him entirely, she moves to address me. "You and I still have business to discuss though, regarding our other good friend. Meet me at my locker after school and we'll get started."
"Started with what?" Why do I bother asking? She smiles back over her shoulder at me as she goes, but that's it, leaving me to theorize what exactly she could mean. Worse, I can't discuss it with Troy, or reassure him about her blatant intimidation because the bell rings and we have to hurry to class. I'm not in first period long at all though before I get texts from the both of them, Cat gleeful at the onset of her plot and Troy worried. Strange as it is, he hardly seems worried for himself, he doesn't even mention the possibility of her outing him to his dad or otherwise, he only seems concerned with my getting involved in this mysterious project with Cat that he's out of the loop on.
When lunch rolls around I go back out to his wall, hoping to clear things up, but I don't find him there—which tracks since I can't find him anywhere else at school either, his truck isn't in the parking lot anymore. I give him a call that goes straight to voicemail, where I leave him a message apologizing for how things went down this morning. Then I do my best to put it out of mind for the time being, trying to get through the remainder of my classes until I'll have to join Cat and learn just what the true extant of my being complicit for the sake of her feelings will be.
I can't let it go any further. I won't. I decide right here and now that no matter how bad it might feel, or how upset she might be, I have to come clean about everything. I'll tell her that Troy and I are dating, and I'll tell her that I don't want to go through with getting revenge on Chad. It's the right thing to do. I'm the last one out of my classroom when the final bell rings, taking my sweet time to make my way to her locker. Yet as soon as I get to the end of the hall and turn, I run right into Troy, resurfaced and propped up against the wall with arms crossed.
"Troy, you scared me for a second there." While I'm not really sure why, I'm surprised to see him. "I can't talk right now."
"I gathered that. I know you're supposed to be meeting with Cat, and the two of you obviously have some big thing going on, but don't go. Didn't you learn your lesson from last time? You just got done with the whole detention every single day thing." His big, yearning puppy dog eyes do all the begging.
"Nothing's going to happen, you have to trust me." I say.
"It's her I don't trust. I'm all for a little innocent fun, and if that's all this is then great, I'll go with you and we can come up with a super hilarious prank to pull on everybody. But I don't think that's what she has in mind, and even if you don't want to, I've noticed she has a hard time taking no for an answer. Look, I circled back to the house and swiped these from my dad, how about we do something else instead, you and me?" Troy holds up the set of keys that belong to Coach. Cat will be wondering where I am by now, and while I had made up my mind earlier, and while I'm aware I still have to deal with her sooner rather than later, I don't know how I'm supposed to resist Troy when he reaches out for my hand sweetly.
Same as earlier I have to give it to him, caving. His fingers curl comfortably around mine and he leads me back the way I came, then further, to the aquatic center. Troy uses his dad's key to unlock the door and get us inside, refusing to let go even after we've come to a stop at the edge of the pool. The water, a dull color in the low light, casts interesting patterns up onto Troy's face, distracting me while I look at him.
"Are you sure we should be in here?" I ask. When he breaks out the goofy grin, carefree as usual, I take it upon myself to be the responsible one. "I don't want to get your dad in trouble, that's the last thing any of us need. That goes for you too, so, about what Cat said earlier?"
"Nope, no way, I don't want to talk about Cat, not right now. Do you have any idea how hard it's been to see you all week, between classes or in the halls or wherever, and not be able to just reach out, and," his grin changes, more subdued, seductive, his hand finally leaving mine to travel up my arm until it's planted firmly on that tender spot between my shoulder and neck. He moves, the distance between us shrinking, "being close to you, it's all I've been able to think about too. I wish we could be like this all the time."
"To be fair, I was planning to tell her, but," as hard as he makes it to keep my head when he looks at me like that, I still manage to fumble through a response. My heart pounds as he comes even closer, so close that I can feel his breath on my face.
"I thought I said I didn't want to talk about her?" He mutters lowly.
"Then what, um, what exactly do you want to do?" Common sense flees and I can hardly look at him. I'm not sure what I want from this situation, but it's disappointing when he steps back. Once again his goofy grin returns, and I stare, frustrated in the best possible way while he pulls his shirt off. I've seen him like this plenty in all those selfies he seems to love sending, but to see it in real time? It's a whole new thing. I continue staring, longer than is probably appropriate, and only really begin to question him as he unzips his jeans. "Hang on, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" He kicks off his shoes, his socks, squirming out of his pants so that he's standing there in nothing but his boxers. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to let my gaze wander, but I'm fortunate in the fact that he doesn't remain there long before diving into the pool. He whoops vigorously upon emerging from the water, the sound echoing throughout the empty space while he calls for me to join him. I have my reasons for turning him down, yet they just lead to him splashing water at me and producing a variety of chicken sounds.
My biggest fear here, I think, is him seeing me without my clothes on. I have to remind myself that this relationship is all about stretching my comfort zone in healthy steps though, so I quickly pull my shirt off before I can change my mind. Then my pants too, all the way until I'm stripped to my underwear, and I jump in after him. He paddles over, pleased, to splash me and dart away. We're in my domain now, he really should've known better, because I catch up in no time to pay him back, which only leads us into a back and forth as we chase one another around the pool. We have a splash fight, and wrestle to see who can dunk who first, then run laps from end to end, competing to find out who can make it the fastest.
Incredible, how despite being out of the water for close to a year now, it still returns to me like second nature. I come out victorious of course, but that doesn't stop him from trying to compete with me, the two of us giggling loudly the entire time like we're in middle school. It's fun, I completely lose myself here with him, Cat and last summer and those reservations I had not so long ago dissolved into nothing as we settle into floating on our backs, side by side, until our skin is wrinkly enough that we get out and sit by the edge of the pool to dangle our feet into the water.
"You know, it's crazy, I've been telling myself I don't miss this for so long that I almost started to believe it." I recall my happiest memories of being in this pool, and smile accordingly. Loud or quiet, it doesn't seem to matter, what I say carries through the room indiscriminately. "That was a good call, coming here, I'm glad you convinced me."
"I thought you might appreciate it, I happen to be a very thoughtful guy. Kidding, but for real, I love seeing you here like this—makes me think I'd do anything to see you smile like that again." Troy observes, his thick hair, just long enough on top, hanging down into his eyes.
"Anything?" I brush it aside affectionately, still waiting for him to make his move, still impatient.
"Anything." He asserts. When it's obvious he isn't going to, I take matters into my own hands—his face too—bringing it closer so that I can lean over to kiss him suddenly. His lips are so soft, they tingle against mine, but they're gone way too soon when he pulls back. "Is this okay?"
"Shut up and kiss me," I put my body into it, pushing into him, throwing both arms around his neck to get as close as I can. His hands feel like fire on my bare skin, but it's a brand-new kind of fire than I've grown accustomed to, it's not painful like last summer or destructive like Cat's. It's warmth, and passion—fireworks at last. I never want it to end, and it's not until I'm totally out of breath that we inevitably have to break, my mouth remaining dangerously near to his as we both take rapid and shaky breaths.
"Damn. I've been wanting to do that since eighth grade, you sure made me wait long enough." He jokes, snickering at my befuddled and offended reaction. He thinks he's so suave, it takes him by complete surprise when I shove him off the edge back into the pool. I follow behind, intent on challenging him again. Maybe he'll try harder now if he has a reward to work towards. We stretch out what few minutes are left before we have to get out so we won't get locked in after all the teachers leave, and when we do we leave the pool laughing and holding hands. Everything is going so well, but then we get to the main hall, so close to making it out undetected, and bump into Cat.
Unable to comprehend it at first, she glowers at Troy, then questions me, then notices how we're still holding hands. So much for my decision to come clean, I can see it the second it dawns on her, the shift palpable as she looks at me in a whole different light, proving that the change I have been dreading, no matter how ill prepared I am or well-intentioned I've been, is here.