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Anna found was nervous. It wasn't a new feeling but it felt different this time. She was going to meet her cousins, officially that is. She has met them before but as Anna Bernard ― a ward of Imogen Bernard and not as their cousin. There were many cousins and they all had families of their own too ― all but Finn who was just a little younger than Anna herself.
She was trying to do something with her hair but wasn't sure what. She has never managed to do her hair well and nobody ever taught Anna how to handle her curls.
"Are you ready soon, dear?" Polly knocked on Anna's door.
After Anna's latest panic attack, Polly's been hovering over her like a crazy person. Anna thought it was sweet but every now and then she feels a bit trapped by the constant helicopter parenting. She knew it was not Polly's fault or that at least she couldn't help it although Anna did wish for some more privacy.
"I have to deal with my hair first," explained Anna.
"O-okay well just let me know if I can help," Polly said.
Polly's suggestion was more like a request. She wanted to do her daughter's hair and although Anna could not see her, she could hear the motherly need in Polly's voice.
"Well I don't know how to do my hair so maybe..."
The door opened immediately and Polly looked happier than ever. She held a bright smile across her face, hands clasped together right under her chin.
"Let me help you," she said and rushed to Anna.
Anna flashed a small smile at Polly's enthusiasm.
"I had hard time managing my hair before I learned," explained Polly, taking a hairbrush from Anna's vanity.
"Really?" Asked Anna and Polly nodded.
"Oh yes. Then I finally learned," she said. "Has anyone taught you?"
Anna shook her head. "No one ever bothered. They said I was difficult enough."
Polly's smile faltered for a second by the thought of people mistreating her daughter. It was a grisly thought that made angry. It made her want to hurt those people.
"Didn't Imogen taught you?" Polly wondered.
"She tried but it never worked. Some of the maids knew how to though but most of the time they managed to do it by luck," said Anna.
"Well I'm here to teach you," sighed Polly while brushing Anna's hair. "Now do you want your hair up or down?"
Anna shrugged. "I don't know."
"How about I do one braid here and we leave the rest open. How does that sound?" Polly suggested, her hand resting on top of Anna's head.
The young girl didn't say anything to this but stared at the reflection ahead of her. She was sitting on a chair, her mother just behind her with a soft and proud smile. It was a strange image to look at. Anna never thought she would have this and it had bother her sometimes when she was a child but not in a very long time.
She's been perfectly happy with Imogen and her life in London.
But it didn't mean Anna disliked being with Polly.
"Anna?"
"Sounds good," said Anna.
Polly nodded. "Alright then."
If you didn't know any better, you might think Polly's face was frozen for she only smiled. Anna has seen Polly smile several times but every time, there's been sadness behind those smiles. Sadness and pain for the time she had lost with her daughter.
Anna could feel this pain ― she could understand it but not completely because she hasn't missed things. She never knew she had a mother who wanted her, who had loved her.
"Your cousins are very exited to meet you officially," mused Polly as she finished the braid.
"We've met before," said Anna and though she didn't mean it to, her voice was surprisingly reserved.
Either Polly was too busy to look after Anna's hair or she simply ignored her daughter's words because she didn't say anything.
"But I'm exited too," Anna added and met Polly's gaze throug the mirror's reflection.
This Polly does hear and smiles even more brightly than before.
"You will love them. They're a pain but great. You and Ada will get along just fine, I'm sure. She's always been the only girl around so she's more than happy to share that burden with someone," explained Polly.
Anna remembered Ada ― she was a nice young woman as far as Anna could tell.
"I don't believe I've met the eldest," said Anna. "What was his name again? Imogen told me the names before the wedding but I just can't recall his name."
"Arthur," answered Polly.
"Arthur..." repeated Anna. "So there's Arthur, Thomas, Ada, John and Finn?"
Polly nodded. "That's right."
"There's a lot of them," said Anna and turned to look down.
"I kept telling that to my brother but he nor my sister-in-law cared," said Polly and hummed. "The children were a lot of work when they were younger. You used to play with Finn, he's a little younger than you. Michael then followed John and Arthur like a lost puppy."
"What about Thomas and Ada?" Asked Anna.
Polly sighed and finally, let go of Anna's hair which has been done for the past five minutes.
"Tommy liked to be on his own as a child and Ada... she had her own friends outside the family," Polly explained.
She rested her hands on Anna's shoulders and gave them a gentle squish.
"Did you have any friends?" Polly surprised Anna with the question. "In Stafford or Australia?"
Anna never really had any friends, not any she could remember. Some of the girls in Australia were horrible and mean. She was quite sure she didn't have any friends in Stafford either since all she could remember was being very lonely.
"I-I don't think so. But in London, there's Elliot. He's a grandson of Imogen's fiends. He is my friend," said Anna and when she turned to look up again to see her mother, she tried to ignore the painful look the woman held.
"It was fine though, I think. I don't really remember that well," Anna added and though she thought saying this might help Polly to feel less guilt, it did not.
"But Elliot is really great. I mean sometimes I think Imogen and Elliot's grandparents would like us to be more than just friends but we're not. We could never."
Polly frowned. "Why is that?"
"Because he's my best friend," Anna said simply like there was no room for an argument. "But what about you? Who was that man you spoke to some days ago?"
Color reached Polly's cheeks and she finally moved to look away from Anna. Polly had hoped that perhaps Anna would've forgotten about him.
"Are you blushing?" Grinned Anna, turning to look over her shoulder to see her mother better.
"He's no one," said Polly as neutrally as she could.
Anna shook her head with a childish expression. "He's someone. Otherwise you wouldn't blush like that."
"You don't need to worry about the men in my life," Polly said.
"So there's more than one?" Asked Anna.
Polly sighed. "Let it go Anna."
Anna smirked but didn't let the subject go. "Who is he? Or they?"
"I mean it Anna, let it go," said Polly but her voice was light and she had a smile on her face.
"Fine," said Anna but she was going to bother Polly about this later on.
"Besides if we are going to talk about men and boys, what is going on between you and Isiah?" Asked Polly.
"Isiah?" Anna repeated with wide eyes. "There's nothing."
Polly arched her brow, not quite believing her daughter. She has known Isiah for quite some time and knew that the boy didn't come to check on just everybody like he had done some days ago when he came to check on Anna.
The thought of Anna having a significant other in her life was a terrifying thought since Polly has missed basically everything in Anna's life and now all of the sudden Polly should be fine with things like boys. But Anna said there was nothing so Polly thought that perhaps whatever possible affection there might be between her daughter and Isiah was just one sided ― and Anna had nothing to do with it.
"I mean it," said Anna.
But she wasn't sure.
In reality there was nothing and probably never will but Anna thought Isiah was interesting. She thought he was rather nice and sweet although he certainly has a little darker and more dangerous side to him ― this was something Anna was sure of. The fact was that she hasn't really spoken to him at all and knew nothing about him, just that he was hard to read which did interest Anna.
"He's Michael's friend you know," Polly said.
"I know that," answered Anna and got up from the chair. "Shall we go? Don't want to keep the cousins waiting."
Polly nodded, wondering did she insult Anna by thinking there was something between her and Isiah.
"Yes of course," she said and her bright smile she held before turned into a sad one again.
Anna picked up her earrings from her dresser and when she went to put them on, she finally noticed the hair Polly had made for her. She stopped there, staring at herself and the hairdo. She had seen Polly do it but she hadn't quite registered the fact that her mother just did her hair for the first time in over a decade.
She felt a lump rising to her throat and although Anna wanted to cry, she forced herself to keep her tears to herself.
"What is it? You don't like it or...?" Polly started but Anna shook her head.
"N-no. I really love it," she said and a chuckle escaped from her lips.
"Then what is it?" Asked Polly.
Anna shrugged. "Nothing really. I'm just not used to this."
Polly's brows were knitted together.
"This whole mum-thing," explained Anna. "It's strange, that's all."
"Oh," sighed Polly.
"But I like it. I just have to get use to it, right? Unless you're planning to send me back to Imogen," said Anna and though she was joking, she wondered would Polly do this.
Polly looked like someone had slapped her across her face ― that's how bewildered she was by Anna's words.
"I would never!" Polly nearly cried.
Anna smiled softly. "Good."
"If it's up to me, you will never leave," said Polly and closed the distance between her and Anna. She rested her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "I really need you here, Anna. I need to show you that world isn't so horrible, that it is not the way you learned to see it."
"I know world isn't horrible," admitted Anna. "Just people."
There was something about the way she said those words that made Polly wonder if Anna remembered more than she led on. That maybe Anna was just hiding things because she was afraid or worried that something bad might happen.
Anna realized the weight of her words.
"I really don't recall things," she said. "Just some but I have this feeling, this sickening feeling in my stomach that whatever my past is and was, it's not good. If the small glimpses I remember are so far full of terror, then perhaps that's all there is. But I know it isn't the world that's horrible but the people in it."
It was incredibly difficult for Polly to understand that Anna was still just a girl of eighteen years. She seemed so much wiser and more mature than most people of her age.
"Anna..."
"We can talk about it later but now, the cousins. I really want to meet them," said Anna as she has finally started to accept the fact that she was indeed Sallyanna Gray.
It had taken her some days to really comprehend the situation she was in. Her doubts had nothing to do with Polly or the life Sallyanna should live but the lack of memories just bothered Anna more than she could describe.
But every day she's become more and more sure that she was in the right place although she misses Imogen enormously. She's called Imogen more than once and every time, Anna's been so happy to hear her voice that she has wondered whether or not she should leave and go to London. Again her thoughts had nothing to do with Polly but with Imogen who saved her from starvation.
Anna felt as she was betraying Imogen by staying behind with Polly.
"Alright," said Polly and quickly brought her hand on Anna's cheek as to make sure she was still there.
Thomas had sent a car to pick up Anna and Polly. For a moment Anna had wished it would be Lennon behind the wheel. Somehow talking about Elliot with Polly made Anna miss the people in London ― the people who took her in and treated her better than she thought she deserved.
The trip to Thomas' house was yet again surprisingly long and Anna wondered did he live far away just because he wanted his own peace. Thomas seemed like a person who doesn't exactly enjoy other people's company unless he asks for it.
Anna didn't realize how nervous she actually was until the car stopped right in front of Thomas' house. Her hands were shaking and she had absent-mindedly picked the skin under her thumbnail almost to ruins.
"They will love you," Polly assured when she noticed her daughter's nervous state.
Anna wanted to ask Polly how would she know but she decided to keep her thoughts to herself. So instead she flashed her mother a nervous smile.
They entered the house which was more like a manor really and headed to the drawing room where all five Shelby siblings waited for their long lost cousin.
Arthur sat on a couch with John and Finn while Ada stood next to them. Thomas was standing by himself by a big window. Anna felt a little out of place among her cousins because she didn't know them. She had no idea what they were like or would she even get along with them.
Suddenly Anna felt her hand reaching for Polly's and once she felt her mother's warm hand, she grabbed it. Anna didn't care that it was out of character of her and that she could almost hear Polly's heart burst with happiness ― she was too nervous to comprehend those things.
"Oh you are here!" Ada smiled brightly. "I'm so glad."
Anna said nothing but turned to look at her feet.
Ada frowned, tilting her head slightly.
"When Tom said you're back, I thought he had lost it for good," said a voice Anna didn't quite recognize but she realized it must belong to Arthur.
"Arthur," Ada said firmly.
Anna took in a deep breath and exhaled. Just days ago she had no family but Imogen and now she has a whole bunch ― and she did not know how to feel about it.