[a/n I feel super bad because I forgot to dedicate the last chapter to someone. So this goes out to two lovely voters, @bands_4life and @thatonekellicshipper Also, I created a placeholder for my next Kellic fic which will be called "All You Got Is These Four Walls". Go ahead and add it to your library if you want! This chapter might contain some sensitive material, so be aware. Enjoy!]
Song Of The Chapter: "Hold On Till May" by Pierce The Veil
"If I were you, I'd put that away
See you're just wasted
And thinking about the past again
Darling, you'll be okay
And she said
If you were me, you'd do the same
'Cause I can't take anymore
I'll draw the shades and close the door
Everything's not alright and I would rather..."
Vic's POV
"No," I breathed in horror, racing over to the beautiful, blood-covered boy. My fingers searched frantically for a pulse and I found one, weak but present. He as still alive but he was barely breathing. I didn't dare move him too much, but I rested him between my legs and forced my fingers down his throat.
"Don't you die on me, Kellin! Don't you die!" [a/n If anyone gets that, I'll love you forever] I wailed, trying again and again to get him to throw up the poison that was slowly killing him. His blood stained my funeral suit.
Finally, miraculously, after three or four tries, Kellin expelled the foul substances onto the tile floor in front of him. He gagged over and over again, forcing out the contents of his stomach as I gently rubbed his back.
"Kells, Kells, look at me," I demanded through heavy sobs once he stopped heaving. There was a pile of vomit filled with little white pills on the floor and his shoulders were shaking violently. I delicately adjusted him so he was facing me. His eyes were cast downward, but at least they were open.
"You're gonna be okay, I won't let you die," I promised him semi-hysterically.
The next ten minutes went by in a red blur, smelling of vodka and puke. I called 911, because Kellin had lost so much blood. I soaked cotton balls in rubbing alcohol and tried my best to clean him up, feeling guilt rush through me at his whimpers of pain. I was going to try and bandage him a little, but there were too many cuts and so so much blood.
"If you were gonna leave this world, how could it be without me?" I sobbed, holding Kellin gently against me, brushing his hair out of his face. Kellin looked me in the eyes and I was frightened. His eyes were hollow, empty, dead. Kellin honestly wanted to die, but I couldn't live without him.
I rode with him in the ambulance, lightly holding his hand and trying to stop my tears. I pressed kisses to his blood-stained fingertips as the paramedics began their procedures.
"Sir, you're going to have to stay in the waiting room," the same nurse with a curly brown afro from Copeland's hospital stay told me. I nodded numbly and took a seat. Two familiar faces were seated across from me.
"I've been seeing you here entirely too much," the doctor with bright red hair commented. He had an arm around the short black-haired nurse I'd seen him making out with three days before. The amount of things that had changed since then hurt my head and my heart to think about.
"Yeah," I mumbled, tears still trickling down my cheeks. I wanted so badly to stop crying, but I just couldn't. What if Kellin died? What if I had been too late? I would never forgive myself if Kellin died because I left him alone. I couldn't let him die alone. He wouldn't want that, and it didn't have to be that way.
"So... what happened?" The short nurse asked leaning into the redhead's torso. My heart caught in my throat.
"Uh, three days ago, Kellin's daughter died. Today was her funeral, and he tried to kill himself," I explained, my voice wobbling at the last few words.
"I'm so sorry, honeybun. Look, my brother Mikey is a great doctor, I'm sure they're stitching him up just fine. It'll be okay, I promise. By the way, I'm Gerard and this is my sexy nurse, Frankie," the redhead informed me. The black-haired man rolled his eyes.
"It's Frank," he supplied, and Gerard affectionately pressed a kiss to his forehead. I felt my stomach churning; I wanted to be kissing Kellin right now, teasing him, acting playfully like these two could. Why did everything always have to be so complicated with us? He could make hell feel just like home, but this was hell, and he wasn't here with me.
Nearly two hours later, I was still sitting in the waiting room with my head cradled in my hands. Gerard and Frank had gone back to work in the children's wing, but no news had come of Kellin. I had to know if he was okay. I didn't know what I would do if he wasn't. My heart was aching, and I felt my hope of him being alive fading as the minutes ticked by.
"Mr. Fuentes?" A doctor who I assumed to be Gerard's brother opened a door and looked around the room locking eyes with me. My heart fell out of my ass for a moment, but I recovered when I saw the bright smile on Mikey's face.
"How is he?" I asked anxiously, sprinting over to the doctor. Mikey's smile grew wider and my heart soared with anticipation.
"The transfusion was successful, all of his cuts are either stitched or wrapped in tourniquets until the bleeding stopped, and his stomach was pumped. Be very glad you made him throw up when you did, or else all the pills he took would've probably killed him. He's resting now, but he should be awake long enough for you to speak with him for a few minutes," Mikey told me. I grinned and practically skipped after him to Kellin's room. Kellin was alive, and I could see him! He was okay!
Almost all the joy left my heart at the sight of Kellin. With all the blood washed off his body, I could see just how bad the damage was. His thighs, wrists, and hips were all heavily bandaged, and he looked frighteningly pale under the hospital lights. He was staring blankly at the ceiling, but his eyes gained a bit of the light I fell in love with when he saw me.
"Hey, Kells," I greeted quietly, sitting at the edge of his bed. Kellin reached out for my hand and I gladly gave it to him.
"I'm sorry," Kellin whispered, his voice shaky. I gently kissed the bandaged area of his wrist and tears started rolling down his cheeks.
"Shh, don't be sorry. It's okay, baby, you're okay, don't cry. But, Kellin, why?" I asked, my voice cracking with a sob at the last word. Kellin began crying harder and I kissed away his tears, though my own had started to fall.
"I-I just couldn't live knowing I k-killed my baby. I thought I'd be better off dead, and if I was it would finally be enough to shut out all the voices in my head. C-c-c-c- she was my reason to live, Vic. I can't even say my own child's name now. She's gone and now I have nothing," Kellin cried, breaking my heart. I pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
"You have me. You'll always have me. If nothing else, stay here for me. I'm not leaving, I'm staying here, and I need you to do the same until we make it there," I pleaded. Kellin clutched my hand tighter.
"I love you, so so much," Kellin whimpered. I kissed his lips again, murmuring my agreement again his mouth, just as Mikey entered the room.
"So, we need to discuss options for suicide watch. Kellin, you are an adult, so ultimately you can veto the idea if you'd like. How do you two want to handle this?" Mikey began, and I could tell he was getting ready for a long-winded speech.
"I'll watch over him," I interjected, gripping Kellin's hand. If I had anything to do with it, Kellin would be safe and sound by my side forever. His forever was all that I needed.
Kellin's POV
Vic slept in the uncomfortable wooden chair in the corner of my hospital room since I had to stay the night there. I felt lonely without his toned arms cuddling me, but I knew the cuts on my hips would shriek in protest at his touch no matter how badly my heart wanted it. I could use my heart or my head, but the pain would win out in the end.
I lay in bed early the next morning, lost in my thoughts. I felt horrible for putting Vic through that awful situation; he was right. I loved Vic, more than anything or anyone in the world. Copeland was gone, and leaving Vic heartbroken and alone wouldn't improve matters. It was like I'd had an epiphany, just a few hours too late. If I had died like I'd planned to, it would've been a huge mistake. I could go on living, and I could do so happily.
"Kells?" Vic murmured sleepily, stretching awkwardly in his seated position. I smiled as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and tried to smooth his sleep hair.
"Good morning," I greeted. Vic stood up and sat at the edge of my bed again. He took my hand and lightly placed kisses on my bandaged wrists, just as he had before. I knew that the bandages would come off to reveal disgusting scars, an eternal reminder of what I'd done. I pulled my hand away.
"Don't do that," I mumbled, ashamed. Vic stubbornly took my hand again and placed his delicate besitos up and down my arms.
"I still think you're beautiful, and I don't ever want to lose my best friend," Vic whispered, placing one final kiss on my lips. That reminded me of something.
"Vic, when we get home, remind me to show you the song I wrote. What you just said would fit in it really well, so I'll change some things... I, uh, wrote it yesterday," I told him. Vic nodded and we sat in a companionable silence until the doctor with bright red hair came in. Vic had told me the evening before that his name was Gerard, and that he was extremely flamboyant.
"Morning! Kellin, you're all ready to check out. I don't want to see you here again any time soon," he told me sternly. Gerard went on to read a checklist Mikey left for him about how often I should change my bandages, some painkiller I could take in small doses, and a whole lot of other medical bullshit. Vic was soaking up every word, so I took the chance to tune out.
I couldn't believe I went so many years without realizing how perfect Vic was. Every inch of him was gorgeous; smooth tan skin, warm chocolate-y eyes fringed by long lashes, gently waving soft hair, and god lord don't even get me started on his muscular arms. I could stare at him for hours and never get bored of just watching the way he reacted to things, the way he twitched his nose every so often, little things that made me love him even more.
"Ready to go, darling?" Vic asked, interrupting my thoughts. He helped me out of bed, even though I didn't really need any assistance. The hospital had given me a set of pajamas to wear, and I didn't bother changing just for the short drive home.
Vic and I didn't speak much on the ride home; All Time Low played comfortingly on the radio as Vic tenderly held me hand. I'd never get tired of that, how his palms sweated slightly with nerves and his fingers played with my smaller ones.
"Where the hell were you?" Alysha practically screamed as soon as we walked through the front door. Alysha, Mike, Lisa, Tony, and Jaime were all sitting anxiously in the living room. I realized in that moment that Vic hadn't called anyone to explain the situation before rushing off to the hospital with me.
"Kellin had a little issue, it's okay now," Vic informed them calmly, going to wrap an arm around my waist but stopping when he realized he couldn't do so without hurting me. Mike walked over with his usual large strides and smacked Vic in the back of the head.
"What the fuck were you thinking, Vic? You leave the bathroom a mess of blood, vodka, vomit, pills, and blades and then you both run off to somewhere in Neverland without telling us what happened? We were worried sick!" Mike scolded, sounding like the older brother for once. I stepped forward.
"You all can probably guess what happened. I tried to kill myself, but Vic came just in time. I regret it now; I was just so upset because of the funeral and my birthday and everything, you can understand that. I won't do it again," I stated bluntly. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, but Vic filled it.
"Believe me, I won't be letting Kellin out of my sight for a long, long time," Vic declared, pressing a soft kiss to my temple.
"So are you guys like... a thing now?" Tony asked, a small smile playing on his lips. Vic looked at me uncertainly; his nerves were adorable. I squeezed his hand reassuringly before answering.
"Yeah, I think we are."