DAN
"I'm beginning to think we should just abandon qualifying altogether!"
"Yeah that was kinda fun!"
Although he was obviously joking, Christian was clearly delighted with what his cars (and his drivers) had managed to salvage from the weekend. It had all looked so different a few hours earlier:
At the eleventh hour the Red Bull front wing had been deemed illegal and we were removed from the qualifying results. Christian had fumed, appealed, and failed. Seb had tried desperately to hide his disappointment at a pit lane start in his final race for the team but that too had been unsuccessful, and a cloud had hung over the entire garage, drenching everyone in melancholy.
Now though it was a different kind of mood - from the back of the grid we had gained a double points finish, but it was with the knowledge that the team was about to divide. From my point of view it was a partnership that I would have liked to continue, preferably with the statistics still in my favour, but for the rest of the crew it was the end of an era.
'45 Polls, 29 Wins, 4 Championships'
The pit board said it all, and the atmosphere in the garage reflected it, a bittersweet mixture of nostalgia, pride, and regret.
"You know you're gonna miss me next year" I leaned over and muttered to Seb as we crouched down to pose for the final team photograph.
"I'm the one leaving, aren't you supposed to say YOU'LL miss ME" he pointed out with a smirk.
"Yeah but Kimi doesn't smile at you like I do" I put my head on one side and gave him what I hoped was a loving look.
"Idiot" he shoved my shoulder and I wobbled dangerously, grabbing the nearest arm to steady myself.
"Kimi is..errr a very nice guy and a good friend" he mumbled in a surprisingly accurate impression of Kimi's distinctive tones. Or possibly Mika Hakkinen...it was a close call.
"Hey, that's pretty good!" I chuckled as the cameras kept clicking.
"I may have been practicing" Seb laughed. His eyes sparkled under the lights, night having well and truly fallen by now. It could have been mirth that glistened, or it could have been emotion. Nobody knew except him.
EM
And just like that it was over.
Abu Dhabi, possibly my last grand prix as more than just a spectator, and I wasn't the only one whose future was hanging in the balance. Jenson too had reached the end of the season without knowing his fate, although his was a much more public dilemma.
The man-hugs were already in full swing when I snuck into the McLaren garage. It wasn't all an act for the cameras - the emotion was far too genuine. He really doesn't know what's going to happen to him I realised - none of them do. I felt a sudden wave of anger wash over me as I watched the former World Champion turning on the smiles, even though a glittering fifteen year career was possibly at an end. It certainly put my own five month dream into perspective.
I was tempted to jump in and dish out a few hugs of my own but who in all honesty was really going to notice if I didn't reappear in March. Darren? Jules perhaps?
As if on cue the blonde woman materialised at my side, her eyes looking suspiciously bright.
"Strange day huh?" I noted sympathetically.
"Yeah, really weird" she agreed, pulling herself together with a minute shake of her shoulders. "Fourth is such a fantastic result for Jens this year, yet at the same time..."
"It could be the end of an era and you don't even know it?"
"Yeah exactly, that's the worst bit"
"What will you do next year? If he doesn't come back I mean?" I suddenly realised that if Jenson didn't know if he had a drive next season, then Jules' own future must also be uncertain.
"Follow Jenson, same as always if he wants me" she answered simply "we've made a pretty good team over the years"
I nodded, wishing that everything was that simple.
"Is that why you're here? To say goodbye?" she enquired.
I nodded again "there's no guarantee right now that any of us will back here next year, so I wanted to pop in...just in case" I glanced over at Jenson who had spotted us and was attempting to make his way over to where we were standing
"You're Dan's girlfriend - of course you'll be back" Jules looked at me, surprise etched across her face "you guys didn't break up did you?"
"No, nothing like that" I reassured her not yet at least "but my job isn't safe, and I don't know how I can possibly go back to working 9-5 in England and still make it out to the grand prix more than once or twice a year. It just won't work" I stopped as I felt my voice begin to wobble "
"Sounds like you're worried about more than just your job" she observed.
"Was it that obvious?" I attempted a wry smile which was probably more of a grimace.
"Just a bit" her expression matched mine.
"It's just...I've done long distance before" I explained " it nearly tore me in two, and that was only one hundred bloody miles"
"Dan will take care of flights, and hotels...anything you need, you know he will"
"That's just it - I don't want to have to rely on him for everything, it's still early days - if something goes wrong I need to have a backup plan, for my own pride if nothing else."
"Ladies! Why so glum?" Jenson had finally made it through the sea of people. Considering he was at the heart of most of the emotion currently filling up the garage, he seemed remarkably cheerful.
"We're fine, just girl talk" I aimed an unconvincing grin into those enticing baby blues.
"Hey, I can do girl talk!"
"And you're the prettiest girl I know" I assured him with a wink "seriously though JB, I just wanted to say...Oh God" I paused, blushing Ferrari red as I realised just how lame my little speech was going to sound.
"Oh God? Was that it?" he teased as my cheeks darkened still further.
"No! I just...if either one of us isn't back here next year I just wanted to say you've been awesome and I'm really bloody proud of you"
I turned away, thoroughly embarrassed by this point.
"Hey, come back here" he slipped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me back towards him. "I'm not done yet and neither are you, so until we hear otherwise I'll see you in Melbourne. Yes?"
"It's a date" Dammit! Really gotta stop saying that "But just in case can I have a hug?" I held out my arms persuasively and gave him my best imploring look.
"Sure"
I clung to him for a moment before giving Jules the same treatment.
"Let me know when there's any news" she whispered in my ear.
"You too" I took one last look at the tall figure now walking away from us, F1 wasn't ready to say goodbye to Jenson Button just yet, and neither was I.
***
"Darren was looking for you earlier, did you find him?"
Dan was sitting cross legged on the bed looking well pleased with his day's work and deservedly so. Once again he'd shown that third place in the championship was no fluke and that he was capable of so much more. I flopped down beside him, forcing him backwards so that I could rest my head against his chest for a moment before work claimed my attention once again.
In deference to the local laws we had booked separate rooms this time around, but there was no way I was returning to mine unless I absolutely had to. Something inside me was telling me to make the most of every moment, and that did not mean sitting at opposite ends of a hotel corridor with nothing but room service for company.
"Yeah I found him on the way back from the McLaren garage"
That had been a difficult conversation too. There were probably a lot of things that I could, and should have said to him, but all I could think to say was 'thank you' over and over again. He left me with many promises of help and support 'just in case'. It was a phrase that seemed to be cropping up a lot lately.
"Are you joining me for Amber Lounge tonight?"
"I'd better not" I declined regretfully "I should really get something down on paper to send to Dominic"
I was feeling tired enough as it was, worn out by travelling and emotion, and the repetitive movement of Dan's fingers through my hair was doing nothing to help me stay awake.
"I'll stay here if you want me to?"
"Don't be daft, you go celebrate"
I sat up abruptly as I felt my eyes begin to close. Beside me Dan mirrored my actions and leapt off the bed to get ready with an energy I wished I had. I crossed the room and took a good long look at the computer screen, willing the words I needed to somehow flow from my fingertips.
Sitting down I began to write:
'As the final bell rang out across the Yas Marina, the Class of 2014 could reflect upon a year of cheers, tears, triumphs, and tragedy. For some this season had been a baptism of fire, for others a glorious coming of age. For one man in particular his career in Formula One may well be at an end, for another the greatest fight of his life is only just beginning...'
DAN
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
I didn't want to ruin the mood, but there was something that had been playing on my mind for the last couple of days, and there hadn't really been an opportunity to bring it up...until now.
"Did you send your article off to Dominic in the end?" I asked tentatively.
Emily stopped what she was doing, caught off guard by the change of subject.
"Yeah, sent it as soon as it was finished"
"And?"
"And he liked it..I think. Said that it showed promise"
"But no decision?"
"Trust me - you'd have been the first to know about it if there was"
"Even if he says no, this isn't over, we could still make it work" I asserted, sure that there must be a solution. There had to be.
"Dan, you know I've done long distance before. It fucking hurts!"
"But you've not tried it with me" I pointed out "I could buy you a flat in Milton Keynes, you could stay with me in Monaco in between races, fly out when you can..." Maybe hope was clouding my judgement but in my head it all made perfect sense.
"Dan PLEASE can we talk about this when we get home...well not home...you know what I mean - somewhere that isn't here"
It was hard to argue with the look in her eyes but I tried it anyway.
"You could travel with me, you could still take pictures, surely we need to think about this"
"Monaco, England, Australia, wherever we end up next, we'll talk about it then I promise, but right now I just want to finish the season off in style and enjoy myself. With you. Please?"
"You're still coming to Perth for New Year though right?" I asked anxiously. It was the one thing I had persuaded her to commit to in advance, whatever happened.
"Yeah, you promised me Italian food and a BBQ so I'm sold"
"Typical, always thinking of your stomach" I rolled my eyes and poked her in the (non existent) gut.
The subject dropped for the time being I could feel the tension begin to ease. For now we still had the Prizegiving Gala to enjoy before real life inevitably caught up with us.
***
"You could at least show me, seeing as I paid for it and all"
"Nope" She patted the dress bag with an infuriating smile. "'Besides I never asked you for money, YOU insisted on buying it for me remember?"
"Just a peak" I insisted, unwilling to let her off the hook so easily.
"It's bad luck to see the dress before the event"
"That's weddings! Even I know that"
"Fine"
She slid the zip down one reluctant inch to reveal a flash of deepest shimmering blue, then it was gone, and as she tried to avoid catching the zip in on the silken fabric, I tried not to imagine a glittering pool of midnight cascading onto the bedroom floor.
"Ok...wait what?" I suddenly realised that I hadn't heard a single word after 'fine'.
"I said I'm going to my room to get changed"
"Already??? There's ages to go yet!" I protested glancing up at the clock "what have you possibly got to do that's going to take four hours?"
"Believe me you don't want to know
My mind wandered again as she swept out of the room, dress held carefully out in front of her like a million dollar painting
*
"Are you ready yet?" I called softly through the door some time later.
Trying to shout quietly was no easy task in an exclusive hotel. I had already knocked three times, any longer and I'd be tempted to break the door down....discreetly of course.
"I'll be there in a minute!" came a muffled voice at last.
"I've been standing here ten already" I retorted, beginning to lose my patience. For someone whose down to earth, low-maintenance personality was part of the attraction this was taking a bloody long time.
"Just one more I swear"
"This had better be worth it"
"I hope so..." the voice faltered.
EM
I scrutinised myself carefully in the mirror from top to toe and then back again. Ever my own harshest critic I was searching for that one detail, the tiniest thing that would spoil the whole illusion. There would be one. There always was, except for once I couldn't see it. The dress was demure, at least from the front, with beautiful sapphire hues that reached almost to my throat and complimented my pale skin tone. However from the back it was a different story, the material draping almost indecently low, and hinting at all the things that the front concealed. Even with a pashmina draped modestly over the top (to be on the safe side), it wasn't a dress to blend in.
I exited the room, feeling like a sixteen year old going to her first dance. However unlike your average schoolgirl, what greeted me was not a sweating boy wearing an ill fitting suit and too much aftershave. Far from it.
"How do I look?"
I revolved slowly on the spot, an embarrassed blush creeping across my cheeks.
"Good" his adams apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed "you look....good."
If my face wasn't already warm enough, the rest of my body was rapidly following suit under the heat of his admiring gaze.
"I like this"
He reached out to take hold of a carefully crafted curl, letting it slide gently through his fingers, fingers that continued to explore my hair, the exposed skin across my back and shoulders.
"You can mess up 'the do' after we get back but not before. You have no idea how long this took to style" I warned him sternly.
"Oh I think I do, I was waiting for you remember"
My breath hissed between my teeth as his hand travelled downwards, sliding beneath the fabric that dipped low towards the base of my spine
"You can't do that here!" I reminded him reluctantly. In fact the minute we leave this hotel we're probably gonna need a marriage license just to hold hands!"
I batted his arm away as fingertips brushed forbidden flesh. This was Qatar after all - I probably shouldn't have even been in Dan's presence without a ring on my finger but as with Abu Dhabi, it seemed that the more expensive the hotel, the fewer questions that were asked.
I took a step back and studied him properly for the first time that night, taking in the crisp white shirt and designer tux that perfectly complemented his striking features. He looked handsome, ridiculously so, but there was something not quite right, something TOO stiff, too formal even in the way he was standing. This wasn't my usual chilled-out Dan.
"Hey!" he protested as I reached forward and ruffled his hair slightly, freeing some of the dark curls from where they lay a little too flat against his head.
"Better!" I announced, grinning as I surveyed my handiwork.
*
Trophies glittered under the twinkling lights as the cream of the motorsport elite assembled in the vast auditorium. It was a good looking crowd I had to admit, one distinct advantage of an industry largely dominated by athletic young men.
I soaked up the glances of interest, even approval, each one making me float another inch taller. I thought back to my first night at Monaco where I felt like a peasant, an outsider, not good enough for such a glamorous world. Not this time. Not tonight.
Tonight I was one of them.
"Dan!" I gripped his arm tightly as more flashes went off "it's Sebastian Loeb!"
"Hey, you weren't this starstruck when you first met me!" He teased, smiling indulgently at my bubbling excitement.
"I was, you were just too drunk to notice"
"Was not!"
"Shhhh!!" I put my finger to his lips as the lights dimmed and the audience settled down and took their seats.
The evening seemed to pass in a blur as more and more of the automotive great and good appeared on stage to receive or hand out their prizes.
"Third place for Red Bull Racing...DANIEL RICCIARDO!"
And then suddenly he was up on the stage radiating both intense happiness and bashful modesty.
I watched him bite his lip in that endearing little half smile, before the full-blown beam lit up the room. I saw his eyes drift across the room searching for me, and I gave him a subtle thumbs up, unsure if he could see me, almost bursting with pride.
*
Still feeling slightly dazed, I trailed in Daniel's wake as he greeted first one star, and then another before heading in the direction of our newly crowned champion. I hesitated - there always seemed to be an aura of 'celebrity' that surrounded Lewis, more so than any other driver. Whether it was the superstar girlfriend, the gold bling, or simply a consequence of the media hype, the World Champion was an intimidating man to meet face to face, despite his relatively small stature.
"Congratulations, officially I mean" I stammered, unsure if my presence was a welcome one.
"Thanks, you too man" Lewis turned quickly to Dan and slapped him on the shoulder.
As Nico approached to complete the trio, his phone outstretched, Dan reached into his own pocket, no doubt also hoping to capture the best 'selfie' of the night.
"Come on guys you might as well do it properly" I brandished my compact camera and fired one more flare into the sea of flashbulbs.
"Where the hell were you hiding that?"
Three pairs of eyes travelled surreptitously up and down my dress, which certainly didn't leave any room for concealed objects.
"Panty pockets!" I announced, suddenly bolder now that the ice was broken screw etiquette - it was the end of the season after all "they're all the rage now - you attach a small pouch to your underwear and then they fit a concealed zip..." I broke off, unable to contain my laughter as eyes widened and cheeks flushed in unison.
"Oh COME ON guys it's called a wrist clutch" I waved the small bag around emphatically to demonstrate my point. To my relief even Lewis began to laugh. He was still laughing when a deep Austrian voice made us all jump.
Terminator?
"Toto!" Nico exclaimed in delight.
Ah shit, how much had he heard? I wondered, before realising that I didn't care. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the picture with us.
Tonight was not a night to hold back. Tonight was a night to remember.
Woah, so this turned into a bit of a mega chapter which is why it ended up taking so long (yeah, sorry about that) the bad news is I'm away for a few days but the good news is the next chapter is almost written anyway so it'll probably be up quicker than this one was - hooray! (I hope). I'm sorry the Dan bits were shit too :( And best of luck to anyone who might be starting exams this month, whichever ones they are. YOU'LL BE AWESOME x