3rd person POV:
Jungkook rushed inside picking up the bag in which pregnancy tests were.
As soon as he got inside .. he threw away his bag and didn't even bother removing his jacket as he kicked away his shoes and walked quickly towards the nearest washroom in his home.
But just as he entered inside ... Bam came running towards him and tried to jump up , as a way of greeting him as he missed his human after being away from him the whole day.
Jungkook halted in his steps as he breathed heavily.. catching the attention of taehyung who had dark circles under his eyes.. he was holding a pen in his hand and was sitting on the floor with many books messily sprawled up and an open laptop on the table. His hair looked messed up like he was snatching them out of frustration.
"Oh hyung.. you are back. Welcome back." He greeted totally out of it.
"I love you both a lot .. but bam please fuck off right now .. i am in a hurry." Jungkook yelled and sprinted to the washroom ,slamming the door right behind him.
Taehyung flinched at the sudden loud noise and the panicked behaviour of the older but then his eyes went towards the books again making him groan and get back to it.
.
.
.
.
Jungkook was standing there in the washroom leaning back on the door sitting on the floor as three pregnancy tests were placed infront of him.
He tried three tests ... Just to be more sure.
His heart was beating so fast ,like it's gonna come out of his chest. His breathing was uneven and he was constantly praying to who knows who.. because he has never believed in god.
He had been in the same scene more than 1 times before But never was he this panicked and scared.
He had always accepted being pregnant with happiness.. but all of those times that happiness was snatched away from him. He had had dreams about atleast one of his pregnancy being successful.. one did but that ended up badly as well.
Jungkook was fumbling with his wedding ring anxiously with his eyes pinched shut as he waited for the result.
"Please be negative ,please be negative , please be negative." He sang like a mantra. He was so scared for the result that it can't be explained with the words.
"I am not ready for the baby right now. And taehyung definitely isn't.. he's just 22 for god's sake. Please don't be positive.. i can't be pregnant right now." He whispered to himself looking painfully at his stomach.
He knew he was just creating false hopes because everything was too obvious and his almost unnoticeable bump was the proof of it.
He knew what the result would be but maybe he was hoping for some magic to happen .. just anything to happen that makes the results opposite.
"Please don't do this to me.. i should have been careful but please.. don't let this happen." He muttered in a cracking voice.
He had his hands joined on his tiny bump which wasn't failing to make him even more anxious.
Jungkook huffed dryly and took a deep breath.. and finally picked up all three of the sticks. He had them in his hands but he was looking at anywhere other than them.
He was really hesitant in taking a look at them but gulping down the bile that Rose up in his throat out of nervousness and finally took a peak at the first one.
He felt like crying loudly when he looked at the two lines on the stick there were facing him.
"Fuck..."he whispered as he checked the other two as well.. which showed the same result.
"It's - it's my fault... H-how am i going to tell this to t-taehyung.."he spoke worriedly as tears fell from his eyes uncontrollably.
He kept staring at the three sticks in his hand and cried even more.. sobbing as he leaned his head back on the door.
He closed his eyes as he turned his face upwards. He felt like throwing up and not just because of the nausea caused by pregnancy.
Pregnancy.. he hadn't even thought about getting pregnant ever again after losing Hyun.
And definitely not after getting married to taehyung who he didn't love at first ... Or more like.. was reluctant to fall in love with.
But now .. he's sitting here in the bathroom crying his eyes out while his one hand is holding the pregnancy test sticks and the other is caressing his bump.
There are so many reasons of why he doesn't want to get pregnant.. why he doesn't want to have a child right now and why it isn't the right time.
He has to tell this taehyung ... Afterall he's the father even though not by choice. But nonetheless he is the other parent.
"What to do now... What do I do." He spoke looking down at his stomach in between his desperate cries.
"T-taehyung.. what about him now..
He is already drowning in studies. I have seen him crying out of stress .. i cant add up more to it.
He hasn't even graduated yet for fucks sake. I can't dump up more unwanted responsibilities on him.. that he didn't even ask for." He argued with himself .. his voice echoing in the empty bathroom.
"This isn't even about me .. i can't do this to taehyung. He is too young to be a father.. he isn't ready for that yet.
He has much more things to care about other than an unplanned child." Jungkook blurted as so many thoughts crossed his mind.
One of them being ...
"Ab-abortion... I am around 7 weeks in.. that is possible. It would remove any traces of the child... But..
I can't do that.. i- i don't want to. B-but .. if taehyung w-wants me to do that i w-will do it.
I can't f-force him to ac-accept the child. " He spoke biting his bottom lip harshly .. almost drawing out blood to stop the wails that weren't stopping.
"But Wh-what if the same thing happened ag-again?
What if ..-if i m- miscarriage again.. no no no.. i can't go through that again.
No-no... Why am I even thinking of that.. no th-that won't happen again. " He chuckled bitterly shaking his head and patting his chest that hurt for some unknown reason.
"It won't happen again... I will take care of myself." He assured himself wiping his cheeks that were warm and drenched in tears because of crying.
"But i took care of myself before as well.. yet it happened more than once.. what if.." he felt chills down his spine as that thought crosses his mind.
"NO! NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN.. nothing would happen..." He yelled being so frustrated as he threw the tests away and gripped his hair in his hand harshly pulling on them like a madman.
"WHY ME! WHY CANT I BE HAPPY FOR ONCE? WHY IT HAD TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW.. " he screamed hitting his head repeatedly.
"FUCKING KILL ME .. I CANT FUCKING LIVE LIKE THIS .. AGGGHHHH" he screamed again as his body shook violently.
"FUCK ME! FUCK MY LIFE ! FUCK THIS CHILD! FUCK EVERYTHING! I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.. FUCKING GIVE ME A BREAK FOR ONCE!!" He yelled hitting himself again and pulling his hair with his head down .. while he cried loudly.
"I can't do this anymore .. please.. p-please i don't want this." He spoke in an almost unaudible voice as he trembled and shrank himself in a corner ,sitting with his head on his knees and hands clutching on the back of his hair.
He felt himself getting dizzy again , probably because of tiredness. He felt like puking and that's exactly what he did.
He immediately stood up on his shaky legs and crouched down beside the toilet bowl and threw up everything .. patting his chest.
He tied up his hair behind with difficulty as he hieved more .. clutching on the sides of it.
He shut it again ,and flushed everything leaning on the nearby wall.. as he struggled to breath.
"I n-need h-help." He said in a hoarse voice in between his violent coughing.
"T-taehyung." He called out knowing the younger isn't hearing his voice.
He tried to get up from the floor , but the space was slippery making him almost fall but he held his ground fortunately .. taking the support of the wall with one hand and instinctively one hand reached on his very small bump unconciously.
With his blurry eyes ,he stood up while his heart was beating like crazy and his head felt like exploding because of throwing up.
He walked to the wash basin with difficulty and washed his hands and face.
He stared up at his disheveled self in the mirror. Just one thing has made him miserable looking like that.
"Whatever is happening is your own fault. Accept that." He chuckled and spoke through gritted teeth.. pointing a finger at himself in the mirror.
"No matter what.. you have to accept this child even if no one else does.. you can't do anything else other than that.
And if you lose this one too .. then it's not in your fate to ever become a mother." He said staring straight in his own eyes.
"Even if you don't want it... This happened anyway.. now accept it or abort it.
Now it's either that taehyung accepts it or you will have to raise the child alone. You don't have a choice if you don't want to go through an abortion." He said voicing out his thoughts like he's talking to some other person ,rather than himself.
"Fuck! I am going crazy.. i need to go talk to taehyung." Jungkook said turning around and walked to the door to go out.
He opened the door and stepped out immediately going to the living room where taehyung was standing staring at nothing while tears drip down his face.
Seeing the younger crying ... The older went closer to him and cupped his face thinking that he will tell him later because his husband is already crying for some reasons .. this can be told later.
Taehyung who was zoned out ,stared down at the shorter male who was looking at him with worry laced in his expressions.
"Tae.. why are you crying? What happened?" Jungkook asked .. kinda unfocused but worried nonetheless.
"Huh? Crying?" Taehyung asked like he couldn't believe what the older was saying ,so he touched his cheeks and noticed that he had been crying.
"Oh. The work.. the assignments.. i am not able to do them.. i can't understand anything." Taehyung said pointing at the table full of opened books.
But jungkook noticed his hands were shaky... He took the hold of his hands leaving his face... "Why are you shaking because of work? Is it that stressful?" He asked staring down at them .. trying not to tremble himself .. holding his ground.
"Come here.. sit down." Jungkook said pulling him down to the couch nearby.
He made taehyung sit down... And when he was about to sit down .. he felt like he was about to trip on his own foot but fortunately didn't and sat down beside him taking his hands in his own again.
"What happened .. t-talk to me." He asked the younger who wasn't looking at him for some reason instead at their joined hands instead.
Jungkook felt a wave of dizziness hit him again making him pinch shut his eyes for a second.
He took his hands away from taehyung's placing them under his thighs instead so they don't tremble.
"S-say something taehyung." He asked again not really caring about himself right now but trying to focus on what happened to his husband.
"I can't do this hyung.. i don't want to do this. I am not capable of it." Taehyung said in a low voice looking down at his hands in his lap as tears fell down from his eyes.
He perked his head up making eye contact with the older with a troubled look.
"Taehyung please d-don't stress so much. I w-will help you with your studies... Okay? Please don't cry. I can't see you crying like this. Don't worry.. you will graduate with good grades. Just don't cry please.i-i will try my best to tutor you."jungkook requested and suggested , pulling taehyung closer and hugging him.
What he didn't notice was taehyung tensing up in his hold and being reluctant to hug him back but he initially wrapped his arms around the older's waist.
More tears fell from his eyes in the crook of jungkook's neck who was a messed up appearance right now. But taehyung was too unfocused right now to comment on that.
Jungkook's hair were messed up because of all the pulling , his face was red and also covered in dry tears.. he hadn't removed his suit after coming back home , so he was still wearing the jacket but his tie was loosened and barely hanging around his neck while most of the top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned.
While jungkook was hugging the younger tightly ,he felt like crying out his problems in his arms.. but his husband's problems were more important for him to discuss his own. That can wait for a few days till he finally tells him that.
Jungkook rubbed his back ,so he stops crying and soon both of them pulled away and taehyung looked up at the older who was making the eye contact back.
There was something different by the way taehyung was looking at him.. but jungkook couldn't understand what it was.
"Take rest for sometime ,okay? Then you can study later.. you haven't had a good rest in last 1 week. "Jungkook said stroking his hair softly making taehyung lean on his hand and close his eyes feeling relaxed.
"Sleepy for a few hours .. then you can continue later. I will help you with it .. you can take however much time you want to .. i will be awake with you." Jungkook assured, ruffling his fluffy hair.
He made the younger lean down on him with his thighs acting like a pillow. Taehyung looked up at him with the same look as before in his eyes as jungkook smiled at him with ease like he isn't hiding such a big thing from his husband and he didn't had a mental breakdown in the bathroom ..just minutes before.
It's okay.. i will tell him when he's done with his exams. It's just a few days. He is too stressed right now.. it doesn't feel right telling him such a big thing that could change his whole life ahead... When he's literally crying because of the study pressure right now.
If he doesn't want it .. i can take the responsibility myself.
If Hyun was alive then too , it would have been me only who would have raised him up. I can raise this one too when the child is born. It's my responsibility to do that.
I will take care of myself these months and won't let anything happen to the kid.
Even if i don't want it right now.. i will eventually accept it and get used to it. I will be a good and responsible mother. I can do it.
For now.. i need to really go see a doctor now .. doesn't matter how i feel about doctors.
He thought as he was leaning back on the couch with taehyung resting on one of his thighs with closed eyes .. probably taking a short nap or just resting his eyes.
While their puppy also came and sat beside jungkook's other thigh with his head just softly resting on it looking at the older with puppy eyes.
Jungkook chuckled at bam ,"sorry for before." He whispered ,to not wake up the younger just in case. He patted his his head with one hand as other was playing with taehyung's hair.
~
One more week went by ,just like that. Taehyung isn't stressing much about exams and studies anymore.
He eventually completed all of his assignments with the help of jimin and his husband ,so that's not a problem right now.
His exams are going on .. in which he is surprisingly doing good thanks to his husband being awake with him the whole night teaching him everything.
He doesn't know what way the older has that he understand everything perfectly when it's him who's teaching him. He catches every single work the older says and feels like he will never forget what he learnt.
Or it's just that he always focus on every word his love says that it doesn't matter if it's studies instead. It's helpful to him anyway ,so he doesn't care.
Jungkook initially took out some time between office work and teaching taehyung to visit the doctor.
He was really reluctant and anxious about it but he did it. Fortunately there isn't any complications with the pregnancy yet and the child is healthy as well.
But jungkook needs to take care of himself more. He hasn't talked to anyone about this ,he is the only one who knows about him being pregnant.
He met all of taehyung's hyungs , ji Eun and soohyun who is getting better but still didn't made any movement. The doctor had said that soohyun can actually hear all of them now, and jungkook wanted him to know about this but for some reason he didn't rant out to him.
He is 8 weeks pregnant now .. which means he is fully 2 months pregnant. His bump is starting to show ,and become noticeable. It usually becomes noticeable in the 3rd month ,but for some reason it's showing early for him.
He has gained weight and he isn't able to fit in any of his suits again and he just bought them one week ago.
He didn't even bother to buy more now ,knowing he's gonna gain weight again.
He doesn't really care about what thinks in the office and casually shows up in comfortable sweatpants that fits him instead. It's not like someone is gonna scold him for that.
Doctor had said that he can hear the heartbeat of the child and he so badly wanted to hear it but he didn't.. because he wanted that to hear that when his love , his husband , his baby's father is beside him. He can't do that alone.
He didn't even look at the ultrasound pictures ,even those are closed and placed in a corner .. he will only look at them when he tells taehyung.
He has been taking medicines that doctor had prescribed so he doesn't feel dizziness ,nausea or morning sickness etc symptoms much these days but he still feels tired after coming back from work. And even after that he has to teach taehyung.
His feet get swollen a lot because of having to walk here and there in the company a lot ,going to lots of meetings etc.
He's accepting the fact that he's pregnant slowly and preparing himself for being a mother again.
He is thinking a lot about this child or what mistakes might have happened in the past that would have led to problems in his pregnancy ,so he's trying to not repeat them again.
He has been taking care of himself a lot these days. His diet , he has handed it to beomgyu as he has to cook for them and all. He didn't tell him the reason for the special diet though.
He has been eating good .. not missing a single meat and eating enough as much as he needs.
He wants to be able to share his pains and problems with taehyung right now but just a few days more then he will tell him.
But one thing he has noticed about taehyung these days is that he has been acting kinda different these days.
He knows that the younger isn't stressed about exams and studies anymore but he is always lost in thought for some reason. Like he suddenly zones out at random times like he's thinking very hardly about something.
He talks to jungkook mostly only when he is teaching only. He doesn't talks much with him .. kinda like he is purposely avoiding saying something to him. Like he is hesitating at somthing or holding himself back from something.
It feels like taehyung had been thinking a lot about something he doesn't know and he isn't even talking about that to his husband.
At random times he just stared at jungkook continuously like he is expecting him to say something , then looks away.
He isn't being as much affectionate and physical like before these days... Or maybe it's just jungkook who feels like that. It feels like he's holding himself back from doing something with him.
Like he's being careful around him for some reason.. not like he's avoiding him.. because he is not.
Just being concious around him for something and that's painfully obvious.. jungkook had noticed that.
It's kinda weird but jungkook doesn't know when to talk to him.. he hasn't got the time to talk these days.
His schedule is so tight these days that he barely gets any sleep even though he needs a lots of rest.
Jungkook is being so protective over himself only these days that even when he gets back from work ,bam tried to jump on him to greet him .. he gets away a little so he doesn't accidentally falls down. His hands are always protectively wrapped around his bump.. that's just the mother instincts in him though.
His back is always hurting .. he needs some leaves from the office but he only gets it when it's the weekend.
He just wants that soohyun wakes up early and handles the business for sometime. Or at least till the delivery and some months after that.
Because of pregnancy hormones his mood swings are bad as well it feels really hot for him sometimes. It's being difficult for him to hold up these days.
Right now .. it was evening and jungkook had just finished the files he had brought home in the study room. Meanwhile taehyung was in the living room .. studying for his exam tomorrow.
He was holding a book in his hand while he was comfortably sitting on the sofa .. deciding it's enough for now and rest he can do after a few hours ,he closed the book and placed it on the table instead.
He rested his neck back on the couch headrest.. it kinda hurt because of constantly burying his head in books.
From the corner of his eyes ,he saw a tired jungkook coming out of the study room with puffed out cheeks chich have become even more chubby these few days.. they looked cute on him though.
Jungkook was feeling clingy right now because of tiredness .. he's always like this .. he becomes really clingy and submissive you can say when he is tired .. it's like he isn't in his right mind state that time and is incredibly vulnerable at that moment.
So whenever he is fatigued and exhausted.. he seeks for his husband the most to shower him with love. It's almost like he goes in some kind of space of mind.
"Tae~~" he whined as he waddled towards him with his almost closing eyes.
Taehyung turned his head towards him , looking at him with fondness in his expression as a small smile rested on his lips.
The older man had his hair tied up in a pretty messy ponytail with his front hair falling on his face.. his lips pouting because of his puffy cheeks and he was wearing a very large sized sweater .. almost falling off his shoulders and shorts which were almost invisible under his big sweater because of which his small hands were covered in sweater paws. He was barefeet as he slowly and carefully waddled towards him. The man looked utterly devastatingly adorable.
"Taeee~~" he whined again and sank on the couch beside taehyung and snuggled into him ..craving for affection.
Taehyung chuckled at the cute bunnyman and wrapped an arm around him pulling him in his lap.
Jungkook looked up at him with furrowed eyes when he noticed that the younger wasn't hugging him fully.
"Hug me.. i am tired." He demanded with puckered red lips.
Taehyung gulped for a second before hesitantly wrapping an arm around his waist ,he stopped himself from clenching his hand into a fist when it rested upon the small bump.
Meanwhile ,jungkook sighed in content getting the physical affection he had been craving for and leaned on him fully resting his head on his shoulder.
"I am sorry .. i love you." He muttered.. the first words were meant for him only but taehyung heard them anyway and the love confession was meant to be heard by the younger.
Taehyung sighed ,placing his hand under his sweater and caressing his stomach softly.
"I love you too .. no matter what happens." Taehyung confessed back .. subtly smiling.
"I am here with you always.. you know that , right? In each and everything.. i wanna be there with you." Taehyung randomly said kissing cheeks cheek.
Jungkook tensed up for a second when taehyung touched his bare stomach , making one of his hand instinctively also be placed on his belly.
"I-i know that .. and i am here with you too b-but why are saying this suddenly?" He asked nervously picking his head up and looking a hin straight in his eyes.
"I don't know .. just felt like saying that.. don't worry though.. you shouldn't take stress." Taehyung replies sweeping the strands of hair that were coming infront of his eyes and tucking them behind his ear.
"Yeahh .. that's right." Jungkook responded burying his head back in his neck .. sniffing his husband's calm scent.
"So calming.." he whispered with fluttering eyes while one of his hand kept softly caressing his bump which has kinda become a habit during the past week after he got to know about it.
He has come in terms with it .. that he is going to become a parent in a few months .. no matter what so might as well accept his fate and give love to the child as much as possible instead of always being depressed about it which can even lead to miscarriage because of stress.
Taehyung rubbed his bare skin carefully pulling him even more closer and just laid there in peaceful silence for sometime.
______________
That's it for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this chapter though it kinda felt exheggerated to me for some reason but i don't even know what i am writing lmao so just bare with me i guess.
Just a few chapters more.. i can do it.
Till next time...~~