Lauren opened the creaky door as quietly as she could. This time she remembered to maintain her habit of making a lot of noise while getting in. Camila hated noise. Unless she was the one making it, Lauren figured. Before she could even step inside, the lungs-burning scent of cigarette smoke filled up her nostrils. It took no longer than a second for her to spot Camila sprawled on their shared mattress, a half finished cigarette hanging from her chapped lips and an almost empty pack laying on the floor, but reachable from Camila's position on the bed. The chocolate eyed didn't bother to give Lauren a glance, still staring blankly forward, so Lauren didn't bother to say hello. She knew it would probably anger the other, but ignored the muffled voice in her mind that told her the consequences as she paced towards the small window that was closed, unsurprisingly. Camila never bothers to open it when she smokes, but Lauren just bears with it, never asks why. "I thought you said you'll stop."
Camila released a breathy laugh, that faded and quit echoing in both's ears faster than Lauren's words to her.
Here's a thing that Camila liked to do, Lauren learned, when the two girls were talking, (which wasn't a thing that tended to happen too often because Lauren normally tried to avoid conversations) Camila liked to listen to Lauren's words and then stay quiet. Not to reply until she made sure that Lauren lost any hope of getting a reply. Only then, she replied.
Three quiet minutes passed, in which Lauren once again lost the hope of ever getting a reply from the smoking girl, before Camila's raspy voice filled up the smoke-filled apartment. "I don't give a fuck about you trying to quit smoking." The brown eyed said, her voice laced with a laugh, but somehow still filled with venom, which made Lauren flinch slightly. "In fact," Camila continued, as if throughout those three quiet minutes, she'd crafted a whole speech in her mind. "I don't have to do anything you ask." She said through her teeth, releasing another huff of smoke. "Did you stop wearing those ruined converse when I asked you to?" Camila asked rhetorically, which made Lauren glance down at her shoes, black Converse that she's been wearing everyday for.. God knows how long.
People didn't have to ask, or to see Lauren and Camila's tiny and lame one-room apartment to figure that the two girls were broke; all they really had to do was to cast a look down at Lauren's black Converse.
"We can't afford a new pair." The emerald eyed teen told the other as if it was the most obvious thing, and it really was. But Lauren knew that Camila hated when she spoke in that tone, as if she knew something that Camila didn't.
"Again, I don't give a fuck." Camila spat, getting up from the mattress and walking towards the other girl, who took an unsteady step back. Camila's brown orbs searched for Lauren's hand, grasping it harshly, her eyes running over Lauren's fingertips. "Did you stop biting on your nails when I asked you to?" She asked rhetorically once again, raising her voice as she teared up her gaze from Lauren's broken nails, that were covered with a very thin layer of dry blood, to look into the emerald eyes. "You started doing this after you quit smoking, out of the blue! Suddenly quitting and asking me to stop as well! Whatever, Lauren. Who do you even think you are? You're not in a position to tell me what to fucking do with my fucking life and I don't care if the way I choose to live my own life somehow damages the way you suddenly chose to live yours!" Camila shouted with such hatred in her voice that made Lauren want to crawl into the corner and die.
Normally, cigarettes calm people down. But not Camila. Not much could calm the hot-headed girl down.
"You think you can quit? You're too fucking weak, if you haven't realized." With these words, Camila turned back in the direction of the bed, her eyes searching the floor until she found exactly what she was looking for. She bent down, picking up the almost empty cigarette pack. She tossed the pack at Lauren, who caught it reflexively and looked down at the object with slight horror. "Stop torturing yourself." Camila added before throwing her finished cigarette on the floor and stepping on it, having lost the care for aesthetics.
It took Lauren no more than a minute to decide to stop torturing herself.
-
Camila had a half finished can of Coca Cola in her left hand and she was leaning against the small kitchen counter, humming quietly to herself an unfamiliar song with a melancholic melody as Lauren stood up from her pathetic position on the bed that was now surrounded with cigarette smoke, this time thanks to the green eyed. "I'm taking a shower." She notified. The room was still illuminated by the weak daylight, that seemed to be refusing to fade in spite of the relatively late hour.
"Okay." Camila said, putting the can of the sweet drink down on the kitchen counter and following the emerald eyed into the tiny bathroom. Lauren wasn't surprised or anything. They often had shared showers, to save water. Camila threw her clothes on the floor, leaving herself completely naked. She raised her head to look at the other, who was still fully clothed. "Come on." She rushed Lauren, lightly tugging on her sweatshirt before stepping into the tub and turning on the water, standing under the lame stream to wet herself from her head to toe.
Lauren began to undress herself as well, dwelling a little as she took off her black sweatshirt, making the large scars on her back evident. Camila has seen them before, many times, but never cared enough to ask, figuring by herself that the scars on the green eyed's back must have something to do with the time the girl was living in the streets. Which was just another thing that Camila didn't care enough to ask about.
Lauren removed every piece of clothing from her body before stepping into the tub, that was a bit too small for two people at the same time. Camila took a step back to allow the other naked girl to stand under the stream of water for a while. Lauren let her green orbs hide behind her eyelids as she felt the lukewarm water wet her whole body. She ran her hand through her hair, releasing a long sigh before making her emerald orbs show again. They were instantly met with chocolate ones, that were watching her closely, and she took a small step back, to let the tanned girl stand under the water stream too. The two girls watched each other, their visions growing slightly blurry, due to the water that streamed down their both faces. Lauren's eyes dropped to Camila's body. She reached out hesitantly, to run her fingers gently over Camila's arm, but the brown eyed flicked her hesitant hand away, watching Lauren's face fall slightly.
"Don't touch me." Camila hissed. It'd be a lie to say that the two girls have never touched each other. Because they have. They have done more than just touching. Multiple times. Until Camila decided to stop it, to act as if nothing had ever happened, to keep rejecting the other girl's attempts. And Lauren has never dared to ask about the sudden behavior. She has never dared to question anything in general. Not when it came to Camila. She only dropped her gaze to her feet when Camila's hand collided with the side of her face, hard, her cheek flushed and throbbing with sharp pain. "Don't ever do that again." Camila spat, her eyes locked on Lauren's face, that was still directed down to her feet. The chocolate eyed turned off the water, stepping out of the tub and out of the bathroom, collecting her clothes on the way and leaving a naked, flushed, faced down, lauren; frozen in her spot.
-
Lauren crawled onto the medium sized bed. It was more than enough for one person, but barely enough for two. Just like any other thing in their apartment. It was always so easy to forget just how cold the small apartment could get at night, while the cold weather was much more bearable at day.
Camila found every opportunity to complain about not having enough money to fix the heating, but as much as it bothered them both, the two girls managed to find a more affordable solution to the cold, finding out that each other's body heat provided enough warmth.
Normally, Lauren would gladly take Camila in her arms, keeping the girl warm and making sure that she falls asleep before giving into her own tiredness. But today, even though the throbbing pain on the side of Lauren's face faded, the memory of Camila's harsh behavior continued to haunt her. It wasn't the first time Camila slapped her, but this time was one too many times. So when said brown eyed climbed onto the mattress to fill up the other side of the bed, Lauren made sure to keep her distance.
Camila quickly noticed the quiet girl's unusual behavior, having gotten used to have Lauren's arms tightly wrapped around her at night. She was too cold and tired to care about the reason to Lauren's behavior and just moved closer to the other's body. "Wrap your arms around me." The brown eyed spoke, her voice as cold as the weather. But Lauren didn't move a muscle, which, after a few seconds, made Camila raise her head slightly from her pillow so she could see the other's features. "Lauren, I'm cold, wrap your arms around me." She repeated, a bit more firmly, to make sure the girl heard her.
"You told me not to touch you." The emerald eyed teen said quietly, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.
Camila released another one of her breathy laughs. Which is another thing she liked to do to make Lauren feel ridiculous. "Seriously, Lauren? Are you fucking serious?" She questioned, leaning on her elbow to look down at Lauren who was still trying to avoid her gaze. "Whatever." Camila let out, the hot-headed girl getting inpatient. She got out of the bed, Lauren let her eyes follow the girl as she paced back and forth across the tiny apartment. Lauren knew better than saying anything that would only anger the other more. She brought the blanket that covered her body closer to her chest, closing her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep and put an end to this day. But Camila wasn't having any of this, she got back on the mattress, throwing the blanket away from Lauren's body before climbing on top of her. She could feel Lauren's body tensing a little at the sudden actions, but the emerald eyed finally made an eye contact with her, and she could see Camila's eyes clearly, filled with rage and emotions. "Is this what you want, Lauren?" She hissed, bringing her hands to the waistband of Lauren's pants, which made the girl's breath hitch in her throat.
When Lauren didn't say anything, Camila brought her lips to the other girl's pair, pressing them together hard, kissing her roughly. It was almost painful, Lauren thought, it was needy, desperate. Camila tasted like cigarettes but still sweet, a bit like how she smelled. The brown eyed's hands struggled pulling Lauren's pants down her legs, as well as her underwear, she wasted no time in foreplay. Her legs were straddling Lauren's thighs, their chests were pressed together as they kissed and Camila slipped her hand between their bodies, bringing it to the other's center, wasting no time and slipping two fingers through the girl's entrance. Lauren gasped into Camila's mouth, thrusting her hips to meet the girl's hand. Camila separated their lips, panting, her head feeling slightly dizzy due to the lack of oxygen. The brown eyed pounded her fingers in and out of Lauren quickly, mercilessly, listening to the muffled mumbles of her own name escaping Lauren's full lips in between her heavy breaths. The green eyed quickly reached her climax, shutting her eyes as her back arched off the mattress, releasing a series of moans.
Camila got off of the other girl, who was still breathing heavily, her eyes shut. The brown eyed crawled to Lauren's side, covering their both bodies with the blanket. "Wrap your arms around me." Camila told her, her voice now much colder than Lauren's body temperature. And Lauren did. And Camila fell asleep, surrounded with warmth, just like every other night.
-
But what are we? What did it mean to you? What drove you to act that way? Was it passion, desire, need, desperation, boredom, love? I know you need me. But I'm not sure if it's the best place for me to seek for the things I need. You're toxic, but I got so used to being intoxicated, it feels like home.
Lauren woke up at the feeling of weight being lifted off of the mattress. She flattered her eyes open, but she couldn't see a thing. The weak light of the early dawn didn't manage to bring much light into the tiny apartment through the small window, and it took a few moment for Lauren's eyes to spot Camila's figure leaning against the kitchen counter and drinking from the same Cola can she drank the day before. Another habit Camila had - the chocolate eyed often woke up early. And she never even tried to keep it quiet, so Lauren in some way adopted Camila's habit. At the beginning, Lauren found it annoying, but at some point, her biological clock adjusted to Camila's early mornings, and whether she liked it or not, she began to wake up at the same hours.
Slowly, with the room growing lighter, the memories of last night were brought back to Lauren's mind. After a few hours of sleep, nothing seemed to make sense, and everything that was confusing to her yesterday, seemed to trouble her mind even more as the time kept passing and subtly distancing the green eyed from last night's events.
"Morning." Lauren mumbled as Camila noticed her gaze. Camila stayed quiet, taking another sip of cola. Lauren stood up slowly, so she won't lose her balance or get dizzy by moving too quickly after hours of sleeping. She took a few careful steps towards the other girl.
"You want some?" Camila disconnected the can of drink from her lips to offer what was left of it to Lauren. The emerald eyed nodded, suddenly wanting to ease the dryness of her throat. She took the can from Camila's hand and brought it to her own lips, taking a tiny sip, before bringing the can down as she noticed Camila, watching her closely. Thinking that it was probably the best and the only opportunity she had to find out what last night meant, she took a breath, her eyes running between Camila's brown, unclear, orbs to Camila's pink, chapped lips.
With one sharp move, she connected their lips into a rather soft kiss. Lauren took Camila by surprise. The brown eyed let Lauren's lips linger against her own for a second or two before pushing the girl away from her harshly. "What do you think you're doing?!" The push managed to make Lauren lose her balance, she stumbled back and spilled Coca Cola all over her black T shirt. She put the now empty can on the kitchen counter, grasping the hem of her shirt, to get a good look of it.
"I - I was just - "
"What, Lauren? You thought that me touching you yesterday gave you a permission to touch me?" Camila hissed, cutting the confused girl's sentence. "It didn't! It was nothing!" At the words spoken by the louder one of the two girls, Lauren looked down at her feet. Which was a thing that Lauren normally did when Camila made her feel stupid, which happened quite a lot. Looking into Camila's eyes became too overwhelming for Lauren, at times. Camila hated it, when Lauren wasn't looking into her eyes, when she was looking at her feet like a little kid.
"It wasn't nothing." Lauren mumbled under her breath, but the words didn't go unnoticed by the other girl, who was releasing a breathy laugh.
"It was." Camila replied, quickly, this time. "You mean nothing, Lauren. We are nothing. Nothing. We're not even friends. Why is this so hard for you to understand?"
Lauren was left with no words, once again. It wasn't unusual when it came to conversations with Camila. She usually left her with no words. But here's another thing about Lauren, when there is something that is too hard for her to understand, she leaves it. Oddly, until now, she thought she understood Camila. She knew every little thing about the girl who's been living with her in the small apartment for a long time now, and kept learning new things about her every day. Perhaps, in a way, she did understand Camila, but struggled to understand what was between them. She nodded. "I don't understand." Camila slightly raised an eyebrow at the other girl's statement, watching as Lauren made her way back to the bed, collecting her black converse from the floor on the way, sitting on the edge of the mattress and beginning to put the ruined shoes on.
"What are you doing?" Camila asked, a little panic obvious in her tone as Lauren put her old shoes on.
"I'm leaving." Lauren answered quietly, avoiding the other girl's gaze as she stood up and started to make her way to the creaky door.
Camila took a couple of quick, large steps to block Lauren's way. "What the fuck, is this a fucking joke?" The panic in her voice increased, she furrowed her eyebrows, pushing Lauren back by her shoulders as she tried to pass her by. "You're not going anywhere. You can't just leave!" Lauren as usual was left with no words to say, but she didn't let it stop her from trying to reach the door again. "You can't leave me! How am I supposed to live here all by myself?" Lauren gulped, still attempting to avoid Camila's pleading eyes. "Fucking look at me!" The chocolate eyed shouted, getting frustrated as her eyes began to well up with tears.
"Let me go." Lauren forced out, trying to block the brunette's pleadings. She wanted nothing more than to get out of the tiny apartment. To leave Camila behind a closed door. Or at least, these were the things she kept telling herself. Camila stiffened, which gave Lauren an opportunity to pass the crying girl and finally reach the door.
"You're a fucking bitch, Lauren. You don't care about anyone or anything but yourself."
Lauren heard Camila hissing as she opened the creaky door as quietly as she could, because Camila hated noise, unless she was the one making it. She stepped out of the lame one-room apartment, wearing a black t shirt that was covered with Coca Cola and her black converse.
-
A/N: I hope you liked it!! I'd like more than anything to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading, lovlies.