Eziri quietly shuffled out onto the deck. She pulled her red robes a bit tighter around herself as the cool, ocean breeze danced across her skin.
They'd stolen the Fire Nation ship early that morning and she hadn't left her room since. She went to the bow of the ship and looked out over the water. What was once comforting and familiar left a deep ache in her heart. The sound of the waves, the creak of the metal, the scent of coal in the air; it only reminded her of her brother—of Zuko. No, he was no longer her brother. He made that clear.
She reached down and pulled her dagger from its sheath around her calf. She leaned her elbows out over the railing and just looked down. She'd never forget how excited she was the day Zuko gave it to her. She'd also never forget how relieved she was when he returned it to her at the North Pole. But now? Now it was just a reminder of the person who broke her. It was a sick metaphor for the knife he left in her back. She sighed and held her bandaged hand out over the ocean. The dagger dangled precariously in her still-healing fingers. Her hand started to shake with the weight of the weapon. She shut her eyes, turned her head, and dropped the dagger into the water. She then hurried back inside–back to the room she had no intention of leaving any time soon.
As soon as Eziri was off the deck, Katara stepped out from her hiding place. She had seen everything and grabbed the dagger in a bubble of water before it plunged into the ocean. The waterbender walked over to the railing and used her bending to pull the dagger into her hand. She looked down at the wet metal sadly. Katara knew this was probably only a painful reminder to Eziri, but the firebender hadn't been in her right mind since they left Ba Sing Se. She didn't want Eziri to regret her actions one day. Katara decided she would keep the dagger and maybe return it to her friend once Eziri was doing a bit better. For now, she planned to keep it hidden away–hidden where it couldn't cause Eziri anymore harm.
--
Eziri hadn't spoken a word since they left Ba Sing Se. She sat and quietly cried while Katara set and reset her broken hands over and over. Sokka sat beside her through it all, murmuring soft reassurances and kicking himself for not going with Aang that day. He had convinced himself that things might've gone differently if he were there; if he protected her.
Despite Sokka's support and gentle words, Eziri was drowning in her own shame. Maybe if she hadn't held back when fighting her siblings. Maybe if she hadn't wasted so much time trying to get them to change sides. Maybe if she hadn't let her love for her family blind her, none of this would have happened. If she hadn't been so naive, so stupidly hopeful, Aang wouldn't be fighting for his life. Maybe they could have won the battle and escaped unharmed. Maybe Eziri's hands and heart wouldn't be completely unrecognizable.
The second she saw Azula's lightning head straight towards Aang, a pit formed deep in her stomach. It felt hollow yet heavy. A sensation that stayed with her no matter what she did. It was a constant reminder of her shame–of her failure to protect Aang from her sister.
After hours of healing attempts, Katara hadn't been able to repair Eziri's hands. They were still swollen and misshapen. Eziri could barely use them at all. Katara promised that it would get better with more healing sessions, but she wasn't even sure that was true. She just hoped she could find some more spirit water somewhere.
As for the burns, Katara was able to heal most of them. Eziri's shoulder and upper arm still held a faint pink scar from where the fire was the hottest. Katara didn't think the scar would ever fade, but Eziri was fine with that. She would use it as a reminder; a reminder that she was weak. An ugly reminder that she had failed her friends—herself.
But the worst of all her injuries, by far, was her bending. Since she left the caverns in Ba Sing Se, Eziri couldn't bend at all. She couldn't even huff out the tiniest puff of smoke. Katara tried to discern what was wrong, but she couldn't quite figure it out. The young waterbender told Eziri that her chi was blocked, but she couldn't fix it herself. Katara offered to seek help from a master, or try to find some remedy, but Eziri just shook her head and refused to stick around whenever Katara brought it up. Eventually, Katara and the others just avoided the subject all together.
Eziri refused to meet anyone's eyes at Cameleon Bay. She was too ashamed—too afraid to see the hatred and anger in their gaze. Her family was responsible for all the war and suffering in the world. Her siblings had tarnished the last bit of hope the other nations had. Her own nation had caused death and destruction on every inch of the planet. And yet, she couldn't stop them.
A small piece of her knew that this wasn't all on her shoulders. She wasn't responsible for her siblings' actions. But the rational part of her brain was silenced every time she saw the worried look on Katara's face after a healing session with Aang.
This is all my fault. Eziri repeated to herself over and over. Nothing anyone said could convince her otherwise.
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Aaannnd we're back! I know this one is short, but the next chapter will be out soon. Thank you all for the comments and compliments--you're all so sweet!
Thanks to everyone for being patient--I took a little longer posting this one because of finals season. But now that all exams are over, I'll be back to frequent updates!
As always, thanks for reading :)