I work diligently to dismantle Jesse's station; I reach up to wipe a stray tear that had escaped from behind my eye. We weren't close, but we were friendly with each other in a way a decent boss and employer were. Though, I didn't forget I was helping restrain her husband when Rick killed him. She never spoke to me about it. I drag the salon chair outside, leaving it curbside. I strut back inside, glancing around at the decor, the waiting room, and everything else in between. I fall into my own chair, hanging my head. Deanna's gone. Jesse and her family are completely wiped off the map. This salon feels so small and insignificant compared to the world we live in.
The last few days have been filled with dragging and burning the bodies of the walkers and burying the fallen members of our community. It was a pretty much all hands-on deck type of affair. I haven't had much time to see how Daryl was feeling about the bomb I had dropped on him. Though, I've been making it a habit to stay away from my home most of the day. Our nights are still full of laying together, recounting the events of the day. He hasn't clued me in on how he's taking it.
My eyes find the picture that my little red headed childhood friend had captured of Daryl and I. Wren set it there sometime while I was out trying to lead the herd away. Wren, Jordan, Charlee, Kelly, Carl, Glenn, Maggie, Rick and Carol had come over to visit after the mess with Rick and Pete. They got to listen to stories of our past lives that my friends and I had spent together. We all used to get into all sorts of chaos and mischief. I'm sure I caught him laughing while we were reminiscing. Wren had found my camera; she stalked around, taking pictures. He isn't looking at her, instead he's staring at me. His right arm is hooked around my waist, smiling at something that I said the second before this moment was photographed. We are both laughing, and happy. I reach for it, inspecting it further. I realize there's something more hidden behind his beautiful blue eyes. Something soft and gentle, while he looks at most others with a hard, intense glare. Thinking back, he's looked at me like that since we had discovered the walkers in Hershel's barn. How did I never see it? I pocket the photo without thinking.
The sound of a door swinging open pulls me out of thoughts. Rick struts through the salon, boots stomping across the tile. "You wanted to see me?" His timing is as perfect as it ever is.
I don't move or look up from my spot in the chair. "Yeah. I'm shutting down the salon indefinitely. Probably permanently. Wren's going to need a new job." I'm completely shedding the woman I was before the dead started taking over. This is the final cut I need to make. I gesture to my station. "This isn't me anymore."
"Good, because I need you on runs, helping Rosita with training, and assisting Denise in the infirmary. I need you where you are the most useful." He comes to stand in front of me, leaning against the mirror, peering down at me. "Any advice on placing Wren?"
I play with the pink skin along my lips, elbow resting on my thigh. "Anything that needs organized. Maybe with Olivia and the pantry. I'll train her in combat. I'll get Kelly to help. Unless Jordan has already done it." I shrug, "she's smart and crafty. Don't underestimate her. How's Carl? I've been meaning to get over to see him, but I felt like I had to deal with my salon first."
"He's good. Happy to be alive." He glances around, "if you want, I can have some men come in tear this down, give you a living room."
"I got it covered." I wave my hand, not wanting to think about that at the moment. "What's losing one eye compared to what could've happened, you know." I purse my lips, shaking my head. "How fucked is it that we are okay with losing an eye or a limb as long as we can live to fight another fucking day." The door leading into my home swings open, I spin my chair around, seeing Daryl lurk in the doorway with Maggie and Glenn behind him. I straighten up, returning my attention to Rick. "I'll stop by and see him as soon as I can. Tell him I love him please."
He nods. I follow him to the front entrance, locking the door behind him. I stalk through the salon, heading for the other exit. Daryl and company left the door ajar. I walk through, closing it quietly behind me. Glenn and Maggie are sitting at the table, holding each other's hand, while the archer has his arm crossed, back leaning against the kitchen counter.
I groan, "if I'm reading the room correctly, you're about to tell me someone's dog died, or Maggie is pregnant." I watch as Maggie's face lights up, grinning from ear to ear. "What?! Oh my god!" I rush over, dragging her into an embrace. "Congrats! If anyone deserves it, you guys do!"
"We were waiting to tell you ourselves, just wanted things to settle down." Glenn smiles. "We were wondering if anything happens to us, if you'd be the god mother."
"Yes, of course! That's not even a question. Things don't seem to settle down for long, if ever." I shrug. I spot Daryl, frowning. I clear my throat, realizing it was just a few days ago that he learned I can't carry a child. "I'm happy for you guys! But I hate to break this up. I'm going to tear down the salon. Kelly, Charlee and Jordan are due to be here any minute."
"Do you need any help? I wouldn't mind lending you an extra hand." Glenn offers.
"No, go spend time with your beautiful wife." I give them one last hug before heading back to work.
"Ness, what's wrong?" Kelly questions. "You're working a lot harder than you have to be, and you look like someone broke your favorite toy." We've been working hard on taking apart the salon for the last two hours. Sweat has broken out across my skin. At some point I had pulled my hair back into a half assed bun. Fly aways fall into my face. I inwardly groan, I should've asked Jesse to fix the hack job I did back at the prison. Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.
I sigh, eyeing wearily him as he comes to a stop in front of me. "I told Daryl about what Owen did a few nights ago. Today Maggie told us she's pregnant. He looked so upset." I rub my face, frustrated. "I don't know if it's because..." I trail off, unsure where I was going with that thought.
"I know that look." Charlee stalks over, resting her hand against her hip. "You had that look any time Kelly would come around while you two were at odds. Don't do that to Daryl." She frowns. "You don't know what he's upset about. Or if he even is. That man looks like he's upset or angry ninety percent of the time. He's got a nasty case of resting bitch face." I bite back a smile upon noticing her face twist up at that thought. "This is that trauma talking. Don't let Owen win. You deserve this happiness."
"Do what?" I quietly question, hanging my head.
"Don't play dumb. You're smarter than that. You're toying with the idea of avoiding him, aren't you?"
My head falls into my hands. "I'm just scared. I don't even know if he wants a child, but if he does, I can't give that to him." I whisper. "I hate how well you guys know me."
"You tried pushing him away before. Don't forget, I talk to him. I was there for that, anyway." I peer up, watching him grin. "How did that work out for you?" Kelly gestures to the house. "Now y'all live together, and probably sleeping together."
My eyes find Abraham as he stalks into the salon. "Damn right they are bumping uglies. Been hearing it clear as day every night." I groan. "Don't worry about it, darlin'. We're all adults here."
"I should've left you to sleep on the sidewalk." I smirk.
"Nah, you love me too much." He smiles. "So, am I hearin' this right? You can't have kids, and ya worried about your old man bein' upset by that." He shakes his head. "Daryl ain't like that. That man loves you, whether he's put that out there or not. Best believe he does. From a man's standpoint, he's worried 'bout what you seem to be scheming. Rightfully so, from the sounds of things. I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know if you don't want to tell me. It ain't my business. He's been sittin' outside the door, broodin' like someone shit in his cereal this mornin'. Been doin' that a lot lately since ya run off every day, all day long. Go talk to him, little blue. And don't ya think 'bout tellin' me not to help. I got things from here. We will ya give the best damn living room. It's the least I could do for givin' me a roof."
Sighing, I straighten up, rubbing my sweaty dirty palms along my shorts. "I just need time, Abe. But I do have to stop by and see Carl and pay a visit to someone." I spin on my heels, heading for the door leading to the outside world.
"Hey Ness?" I peer over my shoulder, "proud of you for finally telling him." Kelly crosses his arms, watching me. "He needed to know. He's tried asking me and Charlee about Owen. We didn't tell him anything. Just told him you'll tell him when and if you're ever ready." I nod, continuing on my mission.
Without a destination in mind, I find myself at the door of Father Gabriel's church. I stalk in, finding him deep into reading at the front of the room. I smirk, "Forgive me father for I am a sinner, and don't plan on changing." His head snaps up at the sound of my voice.
He straightens up at my approach, "Vanessa? What can I do for you?"
I walk over, lowering myself into the front pew. "Honestly, I don't know. I kind of just ended up here." I frown. He sits next to me, watching me. "Thank you for saving my life by the way. I kind of was an ass to you during our last conversation."
"I deserved it. I never earned your trust, and you had learned of my betrayal to you guys. But I need you to understand, I had come to realize I was only speaking of myself." I purse my lips, unsure of what to say. "Now, you had to have come here for a reason. You don't seem to be the God-fearing type."
"I'm not. I practice wicca." I cross my legs, playing with the hem of my shirt. "Maggie's father was. He had taken me under his wing, eventually becoming a father figure to me. He understood my practice is important to me. He once mentioned that in this world we need to find comfort where we can. He never once judged me harshly. Instead, he asked me questions about my craft and the path I follow. Maybe that's why I'm here. I miss the old bastard and I could use his wisdom."
"Maggie mentioned him once. He sounds like a very wise man. Maybe I can help." I observe him in the corner of my eye while I chew on my bottom lip. "Is it Daryl?"
We turn at the sound of the door swinging open, watching Carl step through the threshold. He silently stalks through, sitting in the pew behind us. I nod before returning my attention back to Gabriel.
I sigh. "Yes and no." I go on to explain my past with Owen, and the information I had given Daryl recently. I shake my head, "I don't know why I'm telling you this. The group knows about Owen, but only Carol, Daryl and now you know the extent, and Carl." I gesture to the boy in question. "You tend to look at me like my head is going to do a three sixty."
He sucks in a breath, "I didn't realize you went through something so traumatic. I'm so sorry. I know speaking the word of the lord isn't something you want to hear, so instead I'm going to just offer my own advice; talk to him. You know the first night they spent in my church, they had spoken about you and your bravery and sacrifice and bold personality. I watched each person; all their faces wore an expression of sadness and pain, but Daryl stuck out to me that night. It just so happened that I was looking at him when Rick said you were shot. He was the most devastated. He didn't share a single memory. He looked like his soul was broken by what was being said. He left sometime during the conversation. I don't see him letting this tear you two apart. Maybe this is something inside of you." He points to my heart, "something making you see or believe something that isn't there or true. Trauma is a funny thing like that."
I remember that Abraham had mentioned I was the topic of conversation once or twice, though he never went into detail. I didn't realize how badly the group was really affected by my disappearance. If it were up to me, I would've been there.
"Thank you, Gabriel." I nod, letting his words sink in. "I'm sorry for threatening you in the barn, by the way."
"It's okay. All is forgiven. You did live up the stories." He grins. "I just hope this opens a new beginning for the two of us."
I nudge him with my elbow, "The priest and the witch? Now that's the beginning of a bad joke." He laughs.
"I'd like to point out that miracles happen every day, even in this world. Remember that." He vaguely mentions off hand.
"Thank you, again. I'll talk to him, soon." I stand, stalking over to Carl's side, "let's take a walk kiddo."
"Daryl came by awhile ago. Talked to my dad about what you just talked about with Father Gabriel. My dad said he had an idea something like that happened..." he trails off. "He's worried, you know."
"Right because of the Governor and Andrea and what I had said out of anger. It's not a secret." I shrug. "I just hate talking about it. It kind of puts me back in that time. But I had to tell him. No surprises." I shake my head. "I'm realizing I'm battling my fucked-up thoughts right now. I'm sorry I haven't been by. I was getting ready to come over but looks like you found me first." I wrap my arm around his shoulder, dragging him close as we walk the streets of Alexandria together. The sun's heat beats down on us.
He stops, glancing over at me. "I still mean what I said, you're my favorite superhero." I cock my head at him, curiously. He spreads his arms, "you went through so much before this and didn't let it kill you. You were there for me at the farm. You tried talking to my mom about letting me learn how to shoot. I think you are part of the reason she allowed it. You stepped up for me a lot after I lost my mom. Shit," I narrow my eyes at his choice of words, but letting it go, "you gave Sophia and I food when you had bumped into Shane. You didn't even know us. We were just two hungry kids, but you still gave us chips." I wince, wishing I had made a different choice that day. Maybe things would've been different. "Gabriel is right. We remembered you for your sacrifices for us. I was scared you were dead. That I might've lost someone else." He frowns.
"Well, I'm still here. Things work out the way they were intended to, you know." We continue to walk through the streets together. I wave at Rosita as we pass her. I smile as she returns it with her own warm grin and greeting. I haven't had a chance to talk to her since I knocked her on her ass back at the barn, but I'm hoping that's a sign she isn't mad anymore.
"Sophia kept asking her mom and Shane if you were okay." He whispers. "She would've loved you. I wish you would've joined us."
I smirk, "yeah, but I'm kind of glad I didn't know that Daryl. I might've put Merle in an early grave. Though, I am sad I didn't get to know Sophia." Maybe I could've saved her. Maybe I wouldn't have had to kill the walker she became.
He smiles, "Daryl was completely different compared to who he is now."
"I've heard. Don't forget his brother liked me so much, he shot me and cut me up." My hand finds the scar he left along my face. "I assume from the stories I've been told; I might've laid Daryl out myself. Like, really? What's with that man and his fucking squirrels." I grin as the look of shock takes over Carl's face. "Yup. I heard about the day your father met Daryl. I don't know if he and I would be where we are now if I had joined that night."
"No, you'd still be together. You two are meant to be. We've all seen it since we were at the farm. I would've paid to see you knock him on his ass back then. Maybe it would've knocked some sense loose in him sooner. You are good for him. When he met you, he started becoming better."
"He became better because all of us shown him things his brother or father never gave him like compassion, love, a real family. Merle told me himself that we are good for his 'baby brother.' He found me before his suicide mission. Asked me to take care of Daryl, give him the life he deserves." I confess, sadness dances in my veins at the memory. I've forgiven him a long time ago. I never told anyone, not even Daryl. "You've grown up, a lot, kid."
"I did, but I still need my dad, Michonne, and you. Have you told him how you truly feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"You do love him, right? Does he know?"
"I'm pretty sure I do, but we haven't gotten that far yet. We are still exploring this new relationship. We've been friends for so long."
"What are you waiting for, Vanessa?"
That's the million dollar question. We finally stop in front of my home; I look up seeing Daryl sitting on the porch. I smile at him, but I turn my attention to Carl. "I don't want to end this conversation, but there's another I need to have. Plus, I need to feed the redneck some dinner or he's going back out into the wild to find some squirrel. You're welcome to join us once it's done. Because we haven't talked about how you're dealing with losing your eye. I want to know what exactly happened. You understand?"
We laugh as Daryl rolls his eyes, smirking at us. "Leave my damned squirrels out of it!"
"You got it. I like your cooking a bit more than my dad's." He hugs me, "good luck, but I know you guys are okay." He whispers before he turns, heading across the road into his own home. I watch him before stalking up my porch, I leave a kiss atop Daryl's head but he grabs my hand as I start to pull away. He stands up, walking with me into our home. The sounds of construction fill the air. My eyes flick to the salon. They must be working extra hard. I ignore it, peering over at my archer.
"Hey, we're good." He grunts, dragging me into his arms. His finger traces the scar. "It ain't hard to figure out. Ya said something to Andrea in front of all us. I might've been hurtin' and angry by ya rejectin' me but I knew. Just didn't know how." He presses a kiss to my lips. "I told ya, I'm wth ya, no matter what."
"I'm sorry, Dare. I was just scared." I admit. "Hungry?"