Chapter 2
"Mahuhulog ka talaga sige lang, Philyria!" I blinked my eyes after coming back from my reverie. I raised my head and looked at Marjorie who was standing infront of me with her hand on her waist.
"Why are you shouting?" Nagtatakang tanong ko at hinawakan ang tenga.
Napabusangot ito, "Pag ikaw nahulog sa hagdan papunta sa hotel ng anak mo, aba baka mag memeet up talaga tayong dalawa sa harapan ni San Pedro, sige lang Philyria!"
Tumingin ako sa baba at nakita na muntikan ko na talagang makalimutan umapak sa isang hagdan. I chuckled, "Sorry, di ko nakita."
"Aba, syempre! Kaya nga kita tinawag para makakita ka, bongek talaga oh." Umiling na lang ako sa kaniya at nagsimula ng maglakad pataas.
"Sina Maria at Juliette, na'san na?" Pagtatanong ko ng marating ang k'warto ng anak ko dito sa hotel.
"Wait ka lang mars, ang bilis mo maglakad, parang di nanay ah," bulong niya bago sinagot ang tanong ko. "Papunta na si Maria dito, si Juliette naman ay nauna na sa simbahan... Excited kasi yung mga anak n'ya, si Rosaline at Romeo."
I nodded my head before knocking on the door. Nakailang katok pa ako bago nabuksan ang pintuan. A smile formed on my lips when the door open and showed my son looking so handsome in the suit we bought weeks ago.
"Mom, you're here! Pasok po kayo," pumasok na ako sa loob at sumunod naman si Marjorie. "Magandang hapon po, Ninang."
"Ang gwapo talaga ng inaanak ko,"
"'Nang! Stop babying me!" Natatawang ani Andrius nang pisilin ni Marjorie ang pisngi nito.
"Ay, baby ka pa naman, Riu.." Umiiling na umupo ako sa sofa na nasa harapan ng kama dahil sa sinabi ni Marjorie. "Ikakasal na ang tao, Marj. Hindi na'yan baby," Birong sabi ko.
Minutes later, the photographer entered the room and we started the photoshoot. Dumating din ang ilang groomsmen na mga kakilala lang ni Andrius. They took multiple pictures and videos for the compilation that will be showed later at the reception. My heart melted as I watched my son be happy. Sa tatlong taon na wala si Fiona sa buhay n'ya, hindi ko siya nakita na gantong kasaya.. Three years after being apart, si Fiona pa rin talaga ang magbabalik sa dating Andrius..
"H'wag kang iiyak, masisira makeup mo." Siniko ako ni Marjorie dahilan para tumingin ako sa kanya.I wiped the corner of my eyes, as if I'm tearing up. "I'm just happy, h'wag kang killjoy."
She rolled her eyes at me, "Pati ba naman sa kasal ni Rius, iiyak ka? Hindi pa ba nauubos ang luha mo kakaiyak since nalaman mo na aalis na ang inaanak ko?"
Napanguso ako.. "H'wag ka ngang killjoy, nag m-moments ako dito!" Iwas ko sa tanong n'ya at tumingin na lang sa anak ko na nakikipag tawanan sa mga kaibigan.
Nagtama bigla ang paningin namin ni Andrius na naging dahilan para lumawak ang ngiti niya. With the sun as his background, he certainly looks like an angel right now. I feel like any moments from now, I would burst into tears. Parang kailan lang ay hawak ko pa siya sa braso ko, hinehele para tumahan sa pag iyak at kayakap habang natutulog.. Ngayon may sariling pamilya na siya na kung saan mararanasan n'ya lahat ng pinaranas ko sa kaniya.
"Mom! Halika dito," Kumaway siya kaya naglakad ako patungo sa kaniya.
After nearing him, the photographer told us to pose for the pictures. Tumayo kami sa gitna. I rested my head on my son's arm as I encircled my arms on his, while my other hand was holding the bouquet of white roses. A smile was plastered on my face but I could feel my eyes tearing up as I look at the camera.
The next position was us looking at each other. Nakatingin sa akin ang anak ko na may ngiti sa labi, ganon din ako sa kanya habang hinahawakan ang tie n'ya. I am acting as if I'm fixing his tie. 'Yun daw kasi ang style namin para sa shot.
"You're crying again." It was still the same Andrius who worries about his Mom well being.. Who always asked his mother if she's okay or not... He was still the same child I gave birth to when I was still young; even if times had passed, he's still my son... No matter what happened.
"Ang laki laki mo na, 'nak." Nakangiting sabi ko. "Parang kailan lang ay tumatakbo ka sa'kin habang umiiyak dahil inaway ka ng tatay mo... Ang laki mo na talaga, Andrius.." I choked on my own words.
"Magkakapamilya ka na ng sa'yo... I'm so proud of you, Andrius Adamson. You will always be my little baby, even if you're greasy and old already. Ikaw lang ang baby ko," unti unting tumulo ang luha sa mata ko. "Mahal na mahal kita, Andrius... Love ka ni mama mo, anak."
Agad niyang hinawakan ang pisngi ko at pinunasan 'yon. Hint of worry was on his eyes, and with a soft helpless smile on his face. He was chuckling as he wiped the tears streaming on my cheeks.
"My mother is such a crybaby," He utter, voice low and and soft. I rub my cheeks on his hand, feeling the warmth my son gave me for the last time. "Ikaw rin... mom. Ikaw pa rin ang nanay na babalik-balikan ko, pero ngayon, kasama na ng magina ko."
"Don't cry, Mom... Little Andrius just grew up, but he's still here. Little Andrius will always be with you, wiping your tears away, and being the shoulder you can cry on.. Andito pa'rin ako." He assured me. I couldn't help but chuckle as my eyes were blurred by tears.
'Di ko mapigilan ang sarili na bigyan siya ng mahigpit na yakap. I encircled my arms around his neck and gave him the hug I always gave when he sleeps or cry years ago.
"Be the husband and father your family could be proud of, Andrius..." I whispered to his ear. He hummed in response and gently patted my back.
The moment I entered the limousine arranged for me, I cried. I was thankful that my makeup war waterproof, and it was done in a simple manner.
Marjorie, beside me patted my back. "Tahan na, Phily... Masisira talaga ang ganda mo n'yan."
Umiiyak akong tumingin sa kanya. "Marj, yung baby ko... yung baby ko... may pamilya na s'ya, Marj... Malaki na baby ko... Ikakasal na ang anak ko..." I choked on my own words as I felt a lump of something on my throat.
Napabuntong hininga siya. "Normal naman 'yan, Phily. People come and go, they have their own journey to venture... Ang tao ay di p'wede na sa isang lugar lamang, they tend to feel bored if ang parating nakikita nila ay isang lugar lamang.." Napalabi siya, "Well, not generalizing ah.."
I sobbed as I buried my face on my palms. My worry, happiness, and regret, all in one, I let it out as Marjorie was beside me.
"Okay ka na?" Tumango ako sa kanya. My back was rested on the car's seat. Nakatingin ako sa dumadaang mga sasakyan. Namumula ang mata ko.
"I don't know what you're feeling right now, Phily, pero always remember na andito kami.." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it as she gave a assuring smile. "Hindi ka namin iiwan. Mamatay man kami. "
"Hmm," was all my respond.
My reaction might have been dramatic, but that's what I felt... My heart doesn't feel stuffy anymore, para bang I accepted the fact that my son will now have his own family. May asawa't anak na siya na matatawag niyang sa kaniya talaga..
And yeah, parte pa rin naman ako ng buhay ng anak ko. I'm still his mother, his wife mother in law, and his children grandmother.. I will not be remove from their life... Kasama pa rin ako ng buhay nila, but I will not be the main focus of their family journey. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang reaction ko. Marahil dahil sa nangyari 4 years ago.
They have theirs, and I have mine. But mine had ended four years ago.. I'm just like a water flowing on the river, flowing nonstop until it reach its designated place where it should now rest. Para akong tubig na palaboy laboy lamang sa karagatan hanggang sa matuyo dahil sa tagal.
"He should be there, right?" I whispered as I turn my head to Marjorie.
Mahinang natawa si Marjorie. "Oo naman... siya ang tatay ni Rius, Phily."
"Kaya ko ba?" Umangat ang tingin n'ya mula sa kamay ko papuntang mukha ko. "Kaya ko bang makita siya muli?"
She gave me a soft smile, "Oo naman.. Kayang kaya mo 'yan, ikaw pa ba?" I bit my lower lips to stop myself from rebutting her words.
They still don't know... that I haven't let go our past. I haven't still move on from the memories we shared and created together for the past few years we were married. Mahal ko pa rin ang lalaking yon.. Puta.
I closed my eyes and chuckled. "Yeah... kakayanin ko." I lie.
Puro kasinungalingan ang lalabas sa bibig ko pag siya na ang pinag-uusapan.
"H'wag ka nang umiyak ah? Malapit na tayo sa simbahan. Baka pagalitan pa ako ni Rius pag nakita ka n'yang ganyan," She warned jokingly. "Baka akalain niyang inaway kita."
I could only nod my head before opening my eyes. I took a deep breath before releasing it, clearing my minds away from all the negativity I thought.
The moment we reached the church, I was thankful that Marjorie was done retouching my makeup. Naunang lumabas si Marjorie bago ako. I roamed my eyes around the outside of the church and saw many cars being parked infront of the stairs.
Nagsilabasan din ang mga groomsmen ni Andrius bago siya at ang kaniyang kaibigan na bestman n'ya. They started walking together on the stairs. His groomsmen were wearing the same blue suits, while his bestman were wearing a dark gray suit. All of them had a azure brooch on their chest.
The photographer was walking ahead as if he's catching the moment to add it to the video.
"Good afternoon po, Tita Phily!" Salubong agad ni Azriel sa akin, ang bestman ni Andrius. I gave him a smile as I greeted him back.
Nagpaalam na ito kaagad at pumunta sa ibang kaibigan. The moment Azriel left, my son immediately faced me.
"Are you okay?" he whispered, his voice filled with worry.
I blinked my eyes at him before smiling sweetly. "Yeah, I reflected on our way back, little boy!"
"You sure did, Mom." Saad niya, " He grabbed my arms and hugged me tightly again. Ipinulupot ko ang dalawang braso ko sa baywang niya at mahigpit din siyang niyakap.
"I'm sorry, Andrius. I'm sorry for doing that," paghingi ko ng tawad habang nakayakap sa kaniya. He hummed in response while I continued. "Tell Fiona that I love her like my own daughter, tell her that I'm sorry, and I'm willing to apologize for all my life, anak..."
"She have forgiven you," he whispered. I nodded.
"Tell Caelan that his Lola will always be here to spoil him. Sabihin mo sa kaniya na mahal na mahal siya ng lola n'ya.. and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry anak..."
"My son loves you, Mom.." That child definitely loves me. Palagi yun nakabuntot sa akin eh.
"And, my only wish for you is to never feel alone and lonely again.. Be happy with your own family, Andrius. Cherish and love them unconditionally. If you have a misunderstanding with your wife, talk with her. If you feel like there's something wrong in your marriage with Fiona, sabihin mo sa kaniya at mag usap kayo." Mahinang sabi ko.
"Don't let a mere misunderstanding and miscommunication ruin all your happiness, anak.. Protect your family from everything that may ruin it.. H'wag kang padalos dalos sa mga desisyon mo sa buhay habang kasal ka na, dahil masasaktan mo ang asawa't anak mo kung ganon, Andrius." I reminded him, telling him all the words that was stuck in my throat.
Naramdaman ko ang pagtango nito. Inalis ko na ang pagkakayakap sa kaniya at binigyan siya muli ng matamis na ngiti.
"Laki na talaga ng baby ko, pakiss nga." I laughed as he leaned his face forward. I took a quick peck of kiss on his forehead while holding his cheeks. "Thank you for everything, and for not leaving me throughout those years where I needed help the most,"
Habang hinihintay magsimula ang kasal, ay nagsikwentuhan muna kami. Lumabas din si Maria at Juliette mula sa simbahan. Sa likod ni Juliette ay ang kambal nito na si Rosaline at Romeo.
Rosaline eyes were puffy as she gaze at Andrius, it was obvious that she cried. Nagulat nalang nga kami ng bigla itong umiyak at niyakap ang anak ko na gulat na gulat.
Si Romeo naman ay natatawa habang nakatingin sa kakambal niya na umiiyak. Marjorie and Maria were laughing while Juliette was trying to stop her daughter from crying. I was shaking my head as I watched Rosaline bawl her eyes out.
I mean... like who wouldn't cry when knowing that your prince charming are now marrying the princess designated for him?
Laughter left Andrius lips as he patted Rosaline head. Puro 'Don't marry her, kuya Rius.' 'Marry me instead.' 'Make me your princess, kuya.' 'Ako dapat ang bride mo, kuya Rius... why ka nag cheat sa akin..' ni Rosaline ang nagpatawa sa akin.
Andrius helplessly smiled at the girl who likes him. Sinabihan n'ya ito na he can't marry her dahil may gusto siyang iba. He told Rosaline that she will be able to find the one that is meant for her.
"You're still young, Rosaline. You will find the man that is meant for you one day, and that man isn't me. I'm meant to marry your ate Fiona.." Saad niya.
"Why... her? Fiona is ugly, kuya Rius... And... and she married an ugly boy... that looks like a... ampalaya..." Mangiyak ngiyak na sabi ni Rosalina. "So why her... kuya Rius... don't be a kabit, kasi bad 'yon... may Shrek na si Fiona... kaya ako n-nalang bride mo..."
Di ko mapigilan ang matawa. Natawa si Andrius at lumuhod para magkasingtangkad sila.
"Shrek's Fiona and my Fiona are different... My Fiona will marry kuya Rius while the other is married to Shrek..." Hindi na napigilan ni Juliette ang hiya dahil sa mga pinagsasabi ni Rosaline kaya tinawag na nito ang asawa na si Benvolio.
Benvolio was shaking his head as he hugged his 7 years old daughter that was crying. Humingi ng pasensya si Juliette bago sumunod kasama ang anak na si Romeo.
Marjorie and Maria was still laughing when they bid goodbye when the coordinator told us that the wedding is starting. Nasa unahan ako ni Andrius dahil mauuna ang magulang bago ang groom. Sa harapan ko naman ay ang mga groomsmen at iba na mag m-march.
While waiting in line, my heart beat were starting to beat faster and harder than what it should be. I gripped the bouquet of white roses in my hand as the people started marching one by one, hoping that he won't be able to come...
But then the god did not heed my wishes.
"I'm sorry we are late,"
Those cold magnetic voice that I used to hear everyday and night in my life had now entered my ears again after four long years of longing to hear it again. My heart started beating frantically, as if it remembers the voice of the man it used to beat to... Even my heart could remember the owner of the voice we love...
"Dad, you're here. Okay lang, nasa right time kayo." I heard Andrius. "And who is this lady?"
My chest tightened after hearing that question. I was now staring aimlessly at my friend na nakatingin din sa akin.. Yeah right... he's with someone.. Four years of being a free man, he finally found love again..
But I still hope and hope that she's just an acquaintance who he asked to be with him.. 'Di ko pa kaya na malaman na may iba nang nagmamayari sa puso niya na hindi ako. Baka may pag-asa pang maibabalik ang dating pagsasama namin... But what he said next broke my heart. It definitely broke me to no end!
"Meet Marigold, my girlfriend, the one I met during my stays in Madrid... and Marigold, this is my son, Andrius. My son from my previous marriage." Napapikit ako ng marinig ang mahinang tinig niya habang pinapakilala ang babaeng mahal niya. His voice sounds so gentle and soft when introducing her to his son... our son. Mapakla akong napangiti. I hid my smile behind the bouquet I was holding.
I heard his girlfriend greets Andrius but my attention was stuck on the words that left his mouth. Parang sirang plaka kung paano paulit ulit na nag p-play ang mga salita niya.
"Mom," Napakurap ako ng marinig na tinawag ako ni Andrius. Kumalabog ng husto ang puso ko, parang hindi ako makakahinga dahil 'dun. I tried to calm my heart down as I released a heavy sigh before I forced myself to look at them.
And I was so right...
Anastasius still resembles the man I love when I was young until this day. He stood there, wearing a black suit that looks like the suit he wore 23 years ago in our wedding. His hair were now short that it reaches his ear. It used to be long for he likes me braiding it when we're bored.. He certainly looks so handsome and young while looking at me calmly. Hmm... He's still the Anastasius my heart always beat for, but the things is that, I was no longer the women beside him, standing next to him everytime... For we are no longer together.
I gave him a soft smile, which he replied with a smile too.
"Nice seeing you again, Philyria." My heart clenched with his greetings. It was like a greeting between stranger.
"Likewise, Anastasius.." I stared straight into his eyes, and it just broke my heart when gazing at those orbs that used to look at me with love and adoration for the moment we locked eyes with each other, there was no familiarity or any feelings involved.
It was as if he's just staring into someone that is stranger.
But I'm no stranger. I was the one who he loves, the one that he shared a house with, the one he created a nice family... I was no stranger, for I used to be with him... his wife..
But then, it was all in the past so Anastasius being like this is justifiable.
Tinanguan ko na lang siya bago tumingin muli sa harapan. Even if I'm not looking at them, I could still hear them as his girlfriend bid goodbyes to enter the church first as he's marching with me.
Okay sa kaniya 'yon? Ang mag march ang kasintahan niya sa ex wife nito na may anak silang dalawa? Dahil pag ako 'yon... hindi ako papayag... I would feel jealous. I would feel territorial...
Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko ng maamoy ang pabango niya. It was the same perfume he used when we're still together. He gave me a smile and I did the same too as we stand beside each other. Walang nagsalita. Anastasius was busy fixing his cuff as we wait for our turn while I keep fidgeting.
And when it was our turn to march, fragments of our wedding 23 years ago keeps coming back..
Para akong bumalik sa nakaraan. Sa panahon kung saan kami lamang ang nagmamahalan. To those time where I was marching to reach him in the aisle as he waited for me with patience. Napangiti ako ng maalala ang dating pagsasama namin.
During this march towards the aisle, with Anastasius beside me wearing those suit while I wore white dresses, as if we're about to marry for the second time.. I realize that, I could never move on from him... from us, and the love we shared.. Siya pa'rin ang mamahalin ko sa buong buhay ko. Siya pa rin ang laman ng puso't isipan ko at wala ng iba. I would let Anastasius rule over my whole being until I left this world, for he's the only man I fell in love with.
Like his name that means resurrection... my love for him will always be here, resurrecting every time, no matter how many times my heart dies for loving a man that wasn't meant to be mine.
— ☆
Edited.