"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
-Ernest Hemingway
Here's a lineart of Y/n and Ash. Just for basis. Your oc is your oc so I won't interfere with what you're supposed to look like I just coveted the eyes to be green for plot purposes.
I just drew his appearance according to the feeling my ancestors gave me.
And also, I'd like to warn you about the incoming topic which tackles triggers, para-suicidal and fictional (which means, I just made it up or it may coincidentally be the same in real life) mental health issue.
Y/n was holding a basket containing fruits as he trailed his way towards the hospital lobby.
Nurses and patients couldn't help but turn their heads to the young foreigner who confidently walked to the hospital. None can recall having seen if this young man was a new celebrity, but they couldn't help but admire this beautiful existence.
The boy enquired about Draken's ward at the nurse on the lobby desk with a polite and decent Japanese. After getting the information, he nod his head almost in the form of bowing as he wasn't accustomed to all formalities yet and he tends to forget them once he goes in daze.
The boy trailed the corridor after memorizing the map and followed according to the direction of the room the nurse had gladly told him. When the young man reached the door, he knocked twice before turning the knob to find Takemichi and Draken having a chat.
The two's faces lit up as soon as they saw the young foreigner enter and shamelessly continued on. "Here's a gift from Eiji." He put the basket beside the cupboard and sat on the bedside looking at the big blonde. "How are you feeling?" He asked.
Draken smiled. "I was in pain earlier. Got better after seeing you come." He replied.
"What?"
"You, coming here is really healing." Draken still continues shamelessly.
Takemichi was actually nodding with agreement. "Did you see how cool I was, beating Kiyomasa?"
"No, I was busy thinking about other things." Y/n bluntly responded.
"Y/n was worried about me so he didn't have time looking at you." Draken shot back.
Takemichi opened his mouth, planning to complain, but remembering Y/n breaking down that time due to a person he assumed to be important to him had died due to the on the same stab that Draken got. Although he didn't understand much of that conversation due to the confusion, they knew that Y/n was sensitive to many things.
Y/n gave him an eyeroll. "What's wrong with you people?"
"We're trying cheer you up." Draken admitted. He looked at the young man seriously. "I'm sorry that you had to remember something because of me."
The words Takemichi was trying to avoid bringing up, came out of Draken's mouth. He looked at the big blonde with a scolding look then cautiously glanced at Y/n who seemed indifferent about it.
"It's fine. It's my problem, not your mistake." Y/n responded, looking at the spot of Draken's injury.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Takemichi decided to ask as well. He was really concerned about Y/n. Especially because his death is coming closer. Today was is already dated the 5th of August and Takemichi only have seven days left before he can stop Y/n from dying.
Y/n looked up at him and laid on the foot of the bed. A sigh escaped his mouth as he stared on the ceiling. "What Arthur said to you at the warehouse." He started.
There was a moment of silence, allowing both Takemichi and Draken have time to remember it. That time, Freed Arthur started taunting them and blurted how Y/n was a prostitute and a murderer at a young age, younger than now.
When this idea came to mind, Y/n broke the silence. "It's all true. I'm a dirty slut of a whore and a disgusting mass murderer." He admitted.
"Y/n..." dumbfounded, Takemichi didn't know what to say.
"Some stinky punks think that being a gangster having a gang leader working under the hands of mafioso is cool? Well that's cute. Which bitch thought that having to crawl and kiss an old man's smelly shoe being cool?" He chuckled in ridicule, covering his green eyes with an arm. "But the as part of the gang whose members didn't see us as Mafia brats, we felt quite better. Although fight is always necessary, it wasn't so bad. I guess you could say that being called a punk is better."
"Are you still associated with the Mafia?" Takemichi asked in disbelief, still trying to comprehend this.
Y/n hummed. "No more. It's long been over. We really stomped a lot of shit on those bastards, ya know. All of them died. Those assholes dug us a stinky ditch for a grave but it's them who actually pushed each other. Heh, I thought that's good enough to live so called free and happy life. But guess my brother had given up on it like some old man who's satisfied with his results."
There was a short silence. Y/n put down his hand towards his chest and grasped hardly to his jacket.
Takemichi tried to piece the puzzle upon remembering bits and pieces of clues that Y/n was leaving around for him. Perhaps his brother was the key object why Y/n died that way he did.
"Asshole got stabbed in here." He placed a free hand on his abdomen with annoyance. "What did he do? Called for help? Go to a nearby clinic? No, he went back to the library and died there with a very very peaceful smile."
Brother? It was really his brother who died like that? Then why did Y/n did the same? Takemichi had so much questions circulating in his adult mind and looked at the boy laying at the bed. Draken watched the boy frown, looking like a wounded kitten who refused to human care.
"Y/n." Takemichi called out hesitantly. "If you were to actually have the same situation in the future, would you do the same?" He asked.
Y/n hummed. "I would."
"Why?!" The time traveler asked, suddenly panicked.
Y/n ignored his change of tone and replied with a monotone voice. "We were brought up in the same place, experienced the same hell... so dying the same way wouldn't be so bad. What's there to live for anyways?"
Draken frowned, grabbed his wrist and leaned forward, his face hovering in front of Y/n's. "Don't say things like that."
Takemichi looked at the boy as well with a sad frown. "Have you ever thought about what Eiji-san will feel if he heard you say this?"
Y/n looked back at him and laughed. "I've always thought of that. Not a second have I not bothered thinking how Eiji will feel. I just know because I felt the same way he did the moment my brother parted. He's the only reason why I'm alive after all."
"Then why do you still want to give it up?" Draken asked.
Y/n was no longer smiling. "I don't know either. I just woke up one day thinking that I have to stand up." He explained. That's why I couldn't even look at Eiji in the eyes sometimes. I didn't want him to see me looking like I didn't care anymore.
It's hard to find a reason anymore. Y/n knew sooner or later, he'll follow Ash wherever he is. But when death's door ajars, Y/n would always say 'wait'.
As expected. Eiji was the only string holding on to his life. Keeping him alive even if he's already felt like dying. He didn't exactly know how Eiji felt. But he knew that, that person will never forget them.
He will never forget the memories and will cherish it.
Because of that, Y/n wanted to prolong the death that accompanied him in the neck and made more memories. At least enough for him to know that when he's gone, someone will be able to keep his memories.
The room was silent. Trying to comprehend the ideas this young man had.
"If you didn't care about life, why bother saving mine?!" Draken grabbed his collar and lifted him to sit up. He really wanted to talk to Y/n calmly, but this... it made him mad.
Y/n replied without hesitation. "Because I've always been impulsive. Even in the past, I can exchange others' safety with my own." He said.
"It's not just Eiji who cares for you anymore. Didn't you think that we won't feel hurt hearing you say this?" Takemichi said as well.
In which Y/n remained quiet. He knew. He always knew that it wasn't just Eiji. But others in New York as well. They cared about him. He knew.
He knew but what else? He tried his best but it's just not working. No matter how much he stretched his lips and smile. No matter how hard he tried to put his friends to heart.
He knew.
Why ask when he himself knew he couldn't even answer reasonably?
It always ends up to the fact that when he opened his eyes one day as he stared at the corpse lying on the morgue, the fluctuations suddenly vanished. Like his life wasn't of importance anymore.
As if his soul left and his body coped from this shock by actually listening to advises from his friends. By putting said advises into practice. By moving as if everything was okay.
But that's it.
It was never alright. He didn't heal from the emotional wounds and turned numbed the thought of 'life'.
'Ash didn't want for you to end yourself like this.'
I know he doesn't want that too. But it's just the way it is.
'Have you ever thought what Eiji will feel?'
Yes. Not once have I not thought about it. It's naturally always here. It's not that I don't care about what he'll feel... I just don't know what to do either.
'You still have a bright future awaiting you. You still have a lot of time to think about it.'
Time is just a word that slowly tortures me mentally and emotionally everytime I live another day. I don't think I could even see myself in a very nice future.
'Remember Y/n, you're not alone.'
No. I've always been fighting against myself. Alone in my damned complicated head. My conscientious thoughts always believed I keep going because there are others around me. But my body and mind is tired to persevere. It just gave up after realizing that fighting for freedom in years never really changed a thing.
The question always lingers if today's okay to end it.
But Eiji always looks at him and smiles. But when Eiji isn't there to look, Y/n has always been waiting for death to arrive and take him as well.
He would walk around, awaiting people to do bidding for his life. To end it in the quickest way possible.
"Please, Y/n. I beg of you. Don't give this life up. Whether or not your brother made the right choice by dying, but you are different. You are still alive." Takemichi looked at him. Although he knew for himself that this kind of begging is naturally useless, he still hoped it could enlighten him. "Whether you grow up being successful or a good for nothing, the weight of your own life shouldn't be taken lightly. Even if you are just being alive for the sake of living, understand that maybe one day, just how you lost interest from being alive, you would wake up and realize how amazing being alive is. That there's still a chance to change everything when you live."
"That's right, Y/n." Draken loosened his hold on Y/n's collar while looking at him in the eyes, a look that could be described as life experience on his part as he himself had experienced a life and death situation and is currently recuperating from it.
.
.
.
"You're alive for a reason."
.
Author: ... I... no...
Oh, I'm planning on making Sing come to Japan! To add to the drama of life. But not too much, I'm depressed enough, thank you very much.