(046 - Everything and More.)
Shout out to VeeNovels for being a very supportive avid reader of my books. From Beneath The Surface till this book🔥. She deserves accolades ❤️✨.
This chapter will start with Simi's POV and end with Hilary's POV. More of Simi than Hilary though. And be prepared to smile and cry at the same time because this chapter will legit make you feel everything. That I can guarantee.
Hold your Kleenex o😭✨❤️.
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𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀
(Simisola André Jordan)
My mind was still in a turmoil of thoughts by the time I was driving into Whiteridge estate, thinking back to the events that happened just minutes ago in Mum's private ward.
I was trying my best not to think about it. I was trying my best to believe that the nature of Mum's illness was really accumulated stress. I wanted to believe that the real reason she wasn't in the car with me right now, going home with me right now was that the doctors were really extending her stay for a few weeks just to observe her and run some tests.
But why did it feel like they were hiding something from me? Why did it feel like it was all a lie? Some sort of cover-up for something I couldn't place?
Trying to rack my head and think was futile because everything was just messy. My thoughts were messy.
I just hate being left in the dark about situations that concern the family. Situations that somehow concern me and someone I love. Being an overthinker was both a blessing and a curse, and right now it was a major curse because I couldn't stop thinking about everything bad.
And all I wanted to do was stop thinking about the bad for once.
"God please, help mum," I prayed in the solitude of my car.
"I don't know what is going on, but whatever it is, just help her," I whispered, letting out a sigh of complete frustration. This was honestly the best I could do right now if my parents - or rather, Mum weren't going to tell me anything.
Sighing, I drove toward Eastwell chateau and turned at the junction that led into the street. Immediately after I drove in, I sighted a figure right in front of my house, and I didn't need anyone to tell me who it was before I knew.
Hilary.
She was right there, sitting on the steel bench attached to the floor of the sidewalk. She was sitting there, her head hung low to stare at the screen of her phone while her fingers tapped away. Then, I remembered that I was meant to call and inform her that I was already on my way home but my mind was too preoccupied to remember.
Shit.
"How long as she been seated out here?" I mumbled the question to myself, stepping a little bit on the accelerator to speed up the car.
As if she heard the sound of the car approaching, she looked up from her phone and her eyes settled on the car. And even with the tinted windscreen, it felt like she was looking right at me like she could see me through it.
And as if the entire world reduced in pace and started moving in slow motion, I saw, and I watched her lips stretch slowly in a smile... in that smile.
That beautiful smile.
Before I knew it, my lips already mimicked the gesture, stretching so wide, that my cheeks began to hurt. Just minutes ago, I was thinking about her invoking a whirlwind of unnameable feelings I have never felt before, and right now she was doing just that.
Just by her smile.
Simi, you are such a simp. I chided myself, trying to contain the excitement I felt just by seeing her, partially forgetting my own problems.
"I totally forgot to call you. I'm so sorry, Hilary," I apologized to her as soon as I parked the car outside the gate and made my way out. She stood up, resting her weight on her left hip as she folded her hands across her chest.
"Thank God you know messed up, which means I have every right to be mad at you, abi?" She sounded so serious, but the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips told me she was only trying to pull my legs.
But then, I decided to indulge her little act.
"I know, I know. Please don't be upset with me," I clasped my hand together in a plea gesture, watching her pause lips together to stifle a burst of laughter. I tried to hide my smile as well.
"Oya beg," She sassed and I smirked
"Definitely!" I agreed easily, playing along with her. "I will do anything so that you won't be angry with me anymore," I added, pouting my lips and blinking my eyes speedily in a child-like manner, causing a chuckle to escape Hilary's lips. She slapped her hand over her mouth to stop it but I could see her shoulder quaking even though her chuckles were muffled.
This time, I couldn't stop my smile from stretching further even as I went on with the act she started.
"Do you want me to kneel?" I asked her. Without waiting for her consent, I went right on my knees in front of her. Her eyes widened like saucers.
"Jesus, Simi," Her wide eyes darted around to see if anyone was watching. Fortunately for her, this estate was always almost as quiet as a nest of monasteries. It would have been a lot more fun if people were actually watching this.
Again, you are such a simp, Simi.
"I didn't ask you to kneel!" She whispered harshly, but I ignored her, going ahead to pull her legs even further.
"Do you want me to roll on the floor, or crawl to you? Name anything you want and I'll do it,"
I said, attempting to crouch lower and actually crawl to her. She was quick to dart at me, her hands hooking under either of my arms to stop me from going further to the ground.
"God, Simi! Get up!" She whisper-yelled, her eyes wider as staring at me like I was out of my mind. She looked so flustered and embarrassed. The expression was so priceless, that I couldn't stop myself from bursting into laughter this time.
It was even funnier as she was trying her best to lift me back to a standing position, her eyes frantically darting around to be sure no one was seeing this, her face flushed. It was too golden, I couldn't help myself.
But when she finally focused her eyes back on me, my laughter trailed off but the smile on my lips didn't weaver in the tiniest bit. Even in her flustered and embarrassed state, she still managed to knock the breath right out of me, everything except her disappearing into thin air.
All I could see was her. Not my house, nor the street.
Just her.
And I can bet a million dollars she had no idea what she was doing to me, what her stare was doing to me.
If this is not witchcraft, I don't know what it is.
"Can you get up please," She begged me. My smile widened, but I answered her, standing upright. We were so close, my taller frame towering over her smaller one. She was looking up at me, her face scrunched up in an exaggerated frown.
A small chuckle left my lips.
"I hate you," She mumbled, trying to stop a smile from forcing its way on her lips. I laughed again.
"No, you don't," I debunked, shaking my head. "You have forgiven me," I said, wiggling my brows teasingly at her. Now, she couldn't stop the smile from tugging at the corners of her lips, which slowly transcended into a big laugh.
"You're so lucky you are cute," She murmured, still all smiles as she reached her hands up to throw over my shoulders.
I grinned, closing the space between us as I wrapped my hands around the small of her back and pulled her in for a hug that she initiated. She giggled into my ear, hoisting herself higher on her tippy toes to hug me better while I buried my face into the hollow of her neck.
I liked this. I liked it when we were always like this. I don't know what it felt like for her, but it was intimate for me. Intimate on levels that were beyond the ordinary.
Simp.
Hugging like this has become so easy over time, almost like a ritual of some sort that we couldn't do without. It has never been a problem adapting to hugging someone asides from Mum and Gloria because I'm a naturally touchy person. But hugging Hilary was a lot different from hugging my mum or my best friend. It felt a lot different... deeper, so to say.
Simp.
There was something distinct about the way she'd hug me, the way she'd hold me to herself. Exactly like she was doing right now.
I could feel her breath brushing daintily on the skin of my neck and ear, the tip of her fingers delicately trailing up my neck and burying themselves into my hair, tickling my scalp softly. Her hand that wasn't buried in my mass of hair was on my cladded back, but it felt like her hands were on my skin, leaving flames of fire in its wake.
My heart was thudding heavily against my chest, I wasn't sure if it was thudding heavily enough for her to feel the impact against hers. These touches or slight movements were so innocent, yet... so sensual.
Too Intimate to be random.
And I craved it.
Like an addict, I craved her hug, her touch. I craved being in her arms at every given opportunity. Sometimes, all I wanted to do was bury my face in the nape of her neck and inhale the sweet, yet intoxicating and hypnotic fragrance of her scent.
But I can't do that without looking like a creep. Especially since I wasn't yet certain if I made her feel the same things she made me feel... even though I wanted her to feel it too.
I want to make her feel EVERYTHING and MORE.
"Where did you go to though?" Hilary asked as I came down from the car that was now parked under the pavilion. After our hug, I drove the car in and she followed.
My face scrunched up slightly at the question. Unknowingly to her, it brought back the worries I had before seeing her. The worried I had about Mum.
"I went to the hospital," I answered her anyway, walking to the door of the house while she followed beside me. "Mum was meant to get discharged but she didn't," I mustered a small smile, glancing at Hilary before going ahead to unlock the door.
"Did something happen? Is she okay?" She sounded genuinely concerned, eyes flashing with worries. I exhaled, pushing the door open for her to go in before I did.
I didn't know how to answer that question because I wasn't sure of the answer to it. I wasn't sure if my mum was okay or not, if she truly just had a fatigue relapse or if there was something more.
But the last thing I wanted to do was worry Hilary about my own uncertainty. She has done more than enough for me and I didn't want to heap more of my problems on her. She deserved a huge break from my pitiable ass.
"She's... fine," I told her instead, but from the slight frown that formed on her face, I knew she sensed my hesitation. I exhaled, continuing nonetheless "She just had a little fatigue relapse and has to stay back for a few weeks to do more tests and stuff. At least that's what she and the doctor said,"
"But that's not what you think," She caught on very fast, but I had not expected that statement so it took me a little by shock. "Is it?" She chipped in as an afterthought, bobbing her head to the side in question as she peered at me.
"I don't know what to think," I answered in all honesty and she nodded slowly, understandingly. "I'm just trying not to think about the negatives and keep an open mind as much as I can," I added. Hilary hummed in response, a way of telling me that she understood.
She always understood.
"I can never get over the beauty of your house," She gushed, turning around to give the house look, awe twinkling in her eyes. I grinned, noticing the way she skillfully and so easily changed the topic.
Hilary made it so easy to talk to her, to flow with her. She knew how to read emotions and atmospheres and once she realizes how tense a conversation is, she knew how to transcend to an easier one without making it awkward.
Like she was doing right now.
"You say this every time you come here," I stated with a smile, dropping the car keys in the bowl on the center table. "And I have lost count of the number of times you have been here," I added. Hilary turned to me, her lips now turned in a smirk.
"Is that your way of telling me I should stop coming to your house?" She asked teasingly, her hands folded across her chest and I chuckled. "Because if you want, I can just leave," She started walking towards me, nearly bypassing me to walk out of the house.
The hell I'm letting her leave.
I quickly grabbed her arm, momentarily stopping her from continuing in her steps before pulling her back and towards me. She was already laughing when her body hit mine, instinctively placing her hand on my chest as if to put a little distance between us. While she didn't look the least bit gazed by our closeness, It was all I could think about right now.
Shaking my head slightly, I tried to clear my mind, keeping the teasing expression I had on.
"Shebi you wanted me to leave naw," She sassed, drawing her glossed lips into a pout. I fought the urge to keep my eyes on them, holding her gaze instead with a smirk tugged at the corners of my lips.
"You haven't even done what you initially came here to do and you want to start leaving," I said, glancing at the cardboard poster rolled up in the small backpack hanging on her shoulder. "If at all you are going to leave, you need to drop it. You bought it for me, didn't you?" I quirked my brows up in question.
She gapped exaggeratedly, taking one of her hands still splayed on my chest to hers as she feigned offense.
"User!" She gasped out dramatically and I threw my head back, laughing heartily.
"Now that's not fair," I shook my head at her, grinning from ear to ear. She laughed, hitting my chest and in the process, pushing me away and I laughed with her.
"I'll go and set it up," She bypassed me, this time moving in the direction of the staircase that led to the rooms upstairs.
My room.
Hilary has gotten so free in this house that I don't always have to lead her anywhere before she knows her way around. In a matter of weeks that she has been coming here, she has already mastered the nooks and crannies of this house, like it was slowly becoming hers too.
And I liked it.
"Should I order something?" I asked, fishing out my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. I've not had anything to eat since morning asides from the pieces of chocolate I had with Mum. Plus, I feel too lazy to enter the kitchen and cook a full meal.
"Yes, please. I'm starving," She answered from the stairs and I smiled, tapping away on my phone to make the phone calls.
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The order didn't take up to ten minutes before arriving. Thankfully, I stayed in the living room while Hilary was up in my room, receiving it receiving the package at the door as soon as it came on a tray, covered with plastic nylon.
(Food!🥵🤤🔥❤️)
Two hamburgers and French fries in small paper wrappers with two tiny cups of ketchup for the fries and two cups of ice-cream milkshake. I was very random with the order, but I knew Hilary would love this, especially the fries.
Am I doing too much? I'm doing too much abi?
Simp.
Steadying the tray in one hand, I ascended the stairs and made my way to my room. When I got there, I pushed the door open with my free hand, announcing my presence as I walked in.
"Food is-"
Everything I was about to say vanished into thin air as soon as I looked up, my breath catching in my throat and nearly choking me. My eyes widened and my mouth gaped open slightly. If I wasn't gripping the tray of food, it would have fallen down because it seemed like I was losing control over every part of my body one after the other.
My mouth was dry like the sand in the desert.
Oh My...
Seeing Hilary in short outfits was normal, especially her dresses and skirts. Her jeans pants were mostly long, except for a few three-quarters. Yes, I pay that much attention to her choice of clothing too, so seeing her in outfits that'd end a few inches above her knee was nothing. Or at least I thought it was,
Till now.
Damn...
Possibly obviously to my presence in the room because of the kind of attention I could see her giving the poster she was trying to hang, Hilary was standing on one of my stools, trying to hang the periodic table post she bought on the wall. But she was aiming to hang it higher than her hands could reach, and because of her petite stature, she had to stretch a lot and tiptoe,
Those simple, seemingly harmless actions were what I couldn't stop staring at.
Because the jean dungaree she had on over a red long-sleeved blouse ended as a skirt and stopped inches above the knee, and it kept hoisting higher and higher as she stretched on and on, revealing more and more of her toned dark skin.
Her beautifully flawless toned dark skin.
Jesus.
I looked away sharply, my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage as I recited the Lord's prayer in my head, focusing on the part that said Lead us not into temptation. I brought my hand to the side of my mouth, checking for any drool because I'm sure I might have drooled.
Hilary is so beautiful, it almost hurts to look at her. Like, I was not even worthy to be in the same space with her. And honestly, I wasn't.
Yet she's here. She's always here.
God!
Get yourself together, you simp! I chided myself.
"Food-" I stopped talking when I noticed how my voice had gotten deeper and raspy, breathless too. Clearing my throat, I continued. "Food is here," I repeated, my less clogged with emotions.
"Already?" She asked and I glanced at her, looking away immediately when I saw how far up her dress had hoisted up. Just a few more stretches and it would be riding up her...
Simi!
I aggressively snapped my mind back from the unholy parts it had started trailing in. May the heavens have mercy on my soul because at this rate... I might not be able to resist anymore.
I started busying myself with laying the food tray on the table, taking my type to unwrap the plastic nylon off it, and laying it out on the table one after the other. I'm not normally this slow with arranging my meals. Even with how insanely organized I was, I'd never do this with my food.
But I was doing it right now because it's like my restraint was being tested... and the person doing it didn't even know what she was doing.
"The order was really fast though," Hilary spoke again, making a sound of strain as she kept trying to hang the poster. Why was she even hanging it that high? At her own inconvenience?
At your own inconvenience too. My subconscious reminded me and I groaned
"Do you need help with that?" I asked, still not looking at her, focusing my attention now on the dark screen of my phone. I wasn't pressing the phone, was only staring at it.
I needed to focus on something. Else...
"Don't worry, I think I've got it," She answered, finally finding the right position and tapping the poster on, jumping down from the stool right. Now I was free to look without having a heart attack.
Thank God for Life.
"Food!" She squealed when her eyes met the goodies on the table, and my lips stretched in an automatic smile at her chirpiness.
Her energy was so contagious. It was almost as if I could feel everything she was feeling like there were mirror neurons in my brain that makes me feel everything she feels. When she was happy, I'd feel it. And I'd be happy too. The same goes for when she's sad.
Thankfully, it's been a long while since she has felt the latter. Well, except I bring up the swim lessons. Though only for a brief moment, her countenance will change.
"Thank God!" She groaned out, settling down on the fluffy rug beneath our feet and I followed suit, watching her with a smile playing on my lips. I just couldn't help it.
She dug right into the burger, picking it up from the paper wrapper and burying her teeth into the sweetness. A moan escaped her lips, a sound that made all the hair on my body stand at attention. I swallowed, catching myself in time because my mind goes haywire again.
But I couldn't stop watching her in awe, watching her eat up to half of the big snack at a go.
She's definitely starving.
Hilary paused eating, catching me staring at her. She lowered the snack from her lips, flashing me a shy smile.
"I'm being so rude. I'm sorry," She apologized for something I didn't know of. My brows furrowed in confusion. "You were the one that bought it and I didn't even thank you," She expatiated further. I laughed lightly.
"You don't have to apologize. Help yourself. I can tell you weren't kidding when you said you're starving." I answered, giving her a small reassuring smile. She giggled, shaking her head.
"Kizito was meant to take us out today to hang and chill," She told me, Andi made a sound of O in realization. "I didn't eat from home because I thought we'd eat there but we didn't end up eating. It was also from there I went to book shop where I got that," She pointed to the periodic table poster.
"Oh, so that's where he went," I muttered more to myself than to her. Gloria shouldn't have worried herself then. He was just hanging out with his girlfriends.
But why didn't he just tell her he was hanging out with them. She'd have understood.
"What was that?" Hilary's voice cut through my thoughts I looked at her. I didn't need anyone to tell me that she heard my earlier statement. I mustered a smile.
"Don't worry about it," I told her, not wanting to worry her about Gloria's insecurity. The last thing I wanted was for her to tell Kizito and for Kizito to feel bad.
"So you guys were together all morning?" I asked instead. This way, I'd be able to tell Gloria that she was worrying too much.
"A little part of the morning," Hilary answered, taking a bite out of her remaining burger. "Dawn and I left early. Kizito was the only one left with Semeeha. I'm guessing they spent the day together," She shrugged, taking another bite.
Oh.
"Oh," I muttered my thought, not knowing what else to say to that because I wasn't sure what to make of it. The Semeeha girl was also Kizito's best friend, so no harm was done.
"I forgot to ask," Hilary continued, pausing to take a sip out of one of the milkshakes.
I noticed it was the chocolate one, which I actually bought for myself. But I let her take it, making a mental note that she must have preferred that flavor to vanilla which was the content of the second one. I won't forget next time.
"How did your Dad take your second test result?" She asked, her voice low and her words carefully articulated, like she was trying not to trigger me or something. "Did he see the improvement?" She questioned further. I chuckled humorlessly, also taking a sip of my milkshake.
"He didn't say anything," I answered and her face fell, disappointment written all over it.
Me too, Hilary. I was also disappointed at his silence. I said to myself. I was disappointed, especially after everything I did to get better on the second test.
Civic, English Language, and Biology were the easy pass, I've never had a problem with them. Economics, Maths, and Chemistry improved on a steady level, a little above average. The main issues now were Further math, which wasn't compulsory but Dad made me do, and Physics. The scores were a little lower than average.
Though Dad did not speak, I saw how unimpressed he was. He wasn't focusing on the ones I improved in, he focused on the ones I found difficult, hissed, and handed me back my result.
So yeah, He didn't have to speak. His expression said it all. And it was even worse than speaking.
But then, it wasn't paining me as much as it used to. Maybe I was already growing numb to his hurtful words or something else, I don't know. But it wasn't that painful.
"Simi," Hilary whispered, bringing her hand to rest on my arm, giving it a gentle caress. From the expression on her face, I could tell she knew exactly, or almost exactly what I was thinking. I mustered a small smile, shrugging.
"It's okay," I told her, assured her. "Mum was happy about it and that's all that matters," I said and she smiled, nodding.
Like a light bulb went off in my head, I remembered something.
"Speaking off," I drawled, my lips tugging in a smirk. "When are we going to start your swim lessons?" I asked her, bobbing my head to the side waiting for an expected reaction.
Hilary didn't disappoint. Her eyes widened like saucers and she started shaking her head vigorously.
"No," She refused, dropping her food like she had lost her appetite.
"Why not?" I questioned gently, knowing how sensitive and delicate this was for her.
"I'm not ready, Simi," She whined, getting up from the rug. I followed suit, standing in front of her just in case she was thinking of darting out the room and the house.
"You haven't been ready for a while now," I told her, picking my words carefully and lowering my voice to a gentle tone. "And I've never tried to force you to do it because it's totally up to you," I said, keeping my eyes trained on hers.
"I know when someone is trying to run away from difficulties, Hilary," I went on, and she averted her gaze from mine, shaking her head slowly. "I've been there. I know what it's like to try and ignore the one thing that is wrong in your life and act like everything is perfect. It's not healthy.-
You love swimming, Hilary. I've been on the team longer than anyone and I've watched you," She turned her eyes back to me at that moment. "You love it, and you are excellent at it. You want to go back but you are scared and I understand that.-
I want to help you if only you'll let me." I finished, pleading with her.
"Even if I wanted to try," She began, her voice hushed. "I didn't come prepared, didn't bring any bathing suit. I can't enter the pool with my dress," She added, gesturing to her outfit. My lips turned in a smile.
"That can be easily settled," I told her and her brows furrowed, obviously not expecting that answer. "My sister has a bunch in her wardrobe, the ones she didn't take along with her when she was traveling. You can help yourself." I offered.
Hilary still looked uncertain. Somehow, I could see a hint of fear in her eyes. I sighed because I really wasn't going to take no for an answer.
For a while now she has been avoiding the topic all together. Whenever I bring it up, she'd skillfully find a way to change the topic. I'd notice but I'd let it be, telling myself that she's not ready yet.
But then, when are we ever ready to face our fears?
I can't allow her to let her fear get in the way of something she loves to do. What kind of person would that make me? Especially after everything she has done for me, everything she has sacrificed.
I needed to do this. For her.
"Come on. Do me one solid," I persuaded. "We don't have anything we are doing today,"
"We can just Netflix and Chill in the screen room," She whined again and I chuckled, moving closer to her till my body was nearly flushed against hers. I wasn't sure my ears were deceiving, but I thought I heard her sharply inhale.
"You have to face this someday," I whispered to her, and she inhaled shakily. "Why not start today?" I asked her. She exhaled a sigh of resignation, nodding her head slowly.
"Okay," She whispered and my smile widened.
Here we go.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
"Simi,"
I heard the soft, barely audible call of my name and I quickly swam to the surface, running my hands up my face and through my hair to clear my vision.
Hilary was standing right there, keeping a good distance away from the pool and my lips automatically stretched in a smile.
I showed her to Toyosi's room after she agreed, and told her to take her time to pick a swimsuit that would suit her. Changing into my trunks didn't take so much time, so I came down to take a few deeps to kill time, while desperately praying that she won't chicken and say she wasn't doing this again.
And my prayers were answered because now she was here, cladded in a thick white bathrobe I recognized as Toyosi's, hugging it close to her body with a shy and uncertain smile playing on her lips.
"I almost thought you bailed," I said, not getting out of the water. She shrugged a shoulder, rolling her eyes slowly.
"I would have," She said and I grinned. "But I don't know the combination to your gate, and I can't jump the fence too," She stated with a very straight face and I burst into laughter, unable to help myself.
"Come on," I drawled and she pouted. "You want this," It was more of a statement than a question, but Hilary nodded slowly, admitting to me.
"I do," She whispered, agreeing with me and I smiled.
"Let's start then," I said and she exhaled heavily again.
"Full Disclosure," She held her index finger up while she still clasped the bathrobe together even though it was being secured with the rope. I looked on, a silent urge for her to continue.
She was so nervous. I could legit smell it even with the distance.
"I couldn't find any one-piece suit among the... uhm," She swallowed as if trying to gather her words. "Among the pile, I found in Toyosi's wardrobe," She told me.
And it was then that it finally registered in my mind that I was about to see her the most scanty piece of clothing ever made
Oh wow... I was trying not to lose my composure, just focused on staring at her.
"O-Okay," My voice out in a stutter which I had not intended. Thankfully, it was like I had spoken to myself because my voice wasn't loud enough and she didn't hear.
"So, uhm..." She trailed off, looking away from me.
Then her hands went to the knot of the rope that held the bathrobe together and started to loosen it. At this point, I knew I was meant to look away, for my own sanity but I couldn't. I stared and kept staring as she slowly undid the knot of the rope.
Bit by Bit
Knot by Knot.
The rope fell apart till it was completely loosened. And the bathrobe fell right open to reveal what she had inside.
I gulped, audibly.
God Damn...
God Damn!
GOD DAMN!
"Wow," I couldn't stop myself from muttering.
And that was all I could think of saying. In fact, that's all that was left in my head.
Wow.
The stripped multicolored swimsuit wasn't like the normal bikinis or suits Toyosi used to wear. It wasn't as exposing and lewd as her usual suits and that was what Hilary picked. And I should be happy that she picked the most modest of the suits.
But I wasn't... Because all I think of was how to stop myself from having a massive nose bleed and dying.
Because what the fück?
How is it so possibly for someone to look this absolutely sexy? My mind was trying to comprehend but it couldn't. I couldn't comprehend how someone can look so effortless and alluring like Hilary was doing right now.
I watched, completely transfixed and stupefied as she shrugged off the bathrobe from her shoulders, allowing it to flow down and pool on the floor around her legs, revealing the complete look... exposing more of her beautiful body, her beautiful skin... skin that was driving me nuts barely an hour ago.
Her flawless, dark skin.
God!
My heart pounded like a drum against my chest, threatening to burst out of my ribcage.
(Picture of the swimsuit Hilary has on🥵🔥✨. It's not even exposing much and Simi wants to have a heart attack🤣💔)
Oblivious to the commotion she was causing to different parts of my body, physical and psychological, she took one of her hands and trailed it down the length of the other like she was feeling chilly... slowly, delicately... seductively. Then she looked at me from beneath her lashes, shyly... innocently.
But there was nothing innocent about the look. Nothing innocent it made me think.
All I could think of were bad things.
Bad, Bad things that I wanted to do to...
Blood of Jesus. I need to drink anointing oil.
"I-I'm ready,"
She whispered, her quivering voice causing chills to run down my spine in tidal waves that made me shiver involuntarily. I could feel the goosebumps sprouting on my skin, every hair on my skin... and something else standing at attention.
I was meant to come out of the water for this part, but I couldn't dare. Mrs. Kendra Jordan didn't born me well to get out of the pool. Hilary must not see the thing hiding beneath my trunks.
Think other thoughts, Simi. Think other thoughts. Think about your Dad's face.
Now that did the trick.
"R-Right," I stuttered, my voice husky, breathless, and clogged with so many emotions. I still stayed in the water, improvising by using the cold pool water as my cold shower.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath to calm myself and focused on her. Not her body. Her.
"I was reading online about autophobia," I internally commended myself for how my voice was back to normal, with no stuttering of any sort even though it was still a little raspy. "And there are two methods of actually beating your fear. That's cognitive behavioral therapy and the most preferred, exposure therapy," I told her, gesturing to the water.
Exposure Therapy was more practical than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and the most effective. It involved being in the water, bit by bit.
She nodded, urging me to continue.
"For someone like you, it's not like you were born with the fear of water. You've always loved the water, you just developed the fear because of something that happened to you," I saw her shiver, hugging herself tighter. She had gotten more nervous. I could feel it.
I was somehow nervous too. I didn't want to screw this up for her.
"All we just need to do is develop your love and confidence for the water back," I continued calmly, picking my words delicately. "Don't think of it as something that will swallow you whole. Think of it as something that you are fighting and will eventually overcome," I said.
"It's hard not to think the water will swallow me whole," Hilary whispered, looking away from me to the water.
I could see the fear flashing in her eyes, crashing like thunderstorms and tempests. Seeing her like that began to give me second thoughts. But I shouldn't be having second thoughts. Not at this point. The burning urge to help was overwhelming now more than ever.
"Hey," I whispered and she looked at me. The quietness of the backyard made me loud enough for her to hear me. I was able to come out of the water this time, holding her gaze in mine as I walked towards her slowly till I was standing in front of her, just centimeters away.
I could hear her fast-paced breathing, could almost feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest.
"Simi..." She whispered, shaking her head slowly, the uncertainty in her voice and her eyes. I mustered a small smile, trying to reassure her and calm her down.
"It's okay," I mumbled, holding my hands out while I still held her gaze. "Take my hand," I said. She exhaled shakily, bringing her hands up to place them in either of mine.
I held her hands and started walking with my back, pulling her along with me. She was shivering, literally quaking against me like she was in the artic... buried under glaciers of ice. But I knew the shiver wasn't from the cold but fear. Her hands were vibrating in mine, and I could see tears gradually welling up in her eyes.
"This is such a terrible idea," She cried softly, looking down at our moving feet, moving further and further close to the body of water. I unclasped one of my hands from hers and used it to tip her head back to position, so she'd look at me.
"It's alright, Hilary," I whispered, glancing back to see that we were already close to the pool. "Just look at me, okay? Keep your eyes on me. You are doing great," I smiled, but she shook her head again, not agreeing with me.
By this time, I had already dipped my leg in, descending the stairs in the pool. I pulled her along, but now she was fighting not to come in.
"I can't do this, Simi," She shook her head vigorously, struggling to take her hands away from my grasp, fighting me, trying to pull away from me.
She kept muttering I can't do this, looking at the pool like it was some sort of monster than wanted to swallow her. The fear in her eyes was undiluted and unmasked, glaring right at me. When I saw the beads of tears falling from her. eyes, the way her body was shaking in fear, I knew it was time to call this off.
She was in pain and I couldn't keep doing this to her.
"Okay, Okay," I agreed with her but she was still thrashing around, already hysterical. She kept hitting my chest, pushing against me, torrent of tears flowing from her eyes.
"I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T!"
She cried out as she kept hitting me, her voice holding so much pain and agony that it shook me from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet. She cried in pain like someone was slashing knives over her body and causing her physical pain. I felt it. I felt it deep in my soul.
"Hey, Hey," I called softly, trying to grab hold of her hands and hold her but she wasn't letting me. "Please, listen to me, Hilary. Listen to me," My voice was soothing, cajoling. I was trying to get her to focus on me. I desperately wanted to calm her down but she wasn't focusing.
She wasn't even hearing me... not to talk of listening.
And due to all the struggle, I was already tipping over the edge of the last stairs, and I had no idea. It took one last push against my chest to send me falling into the seven feet deep pool, and because I was holding her, I took her with me.
Hilary screamed.
SPLASH!!
I fell in back first, hitting the body of water with a force that sent the both of us sinking in fast. And because she was on me, her weight plus the weight of the water pushed me down.
That wasn't even the issue because I was able to recover from the impact very fast. The problem was the fact that Hilary could not swim. She was struggling and screaming in the water, and that only made her drink more water into her system.
She gradually drowning.
I was quick to grab her, wrapping my left hand around her middle while flapping with my right and struggling to get us back to the surface.
She gasped when we got up for air, coughing out tons of water. Trying to catch her breath too, I scooped her up in my arms bridal style, moving my legs to swim close to the stairs. She was still gasping, coughing, trying to breathe as she held unto me, her hands looped around my neck.
Ascending the stairs, I carried her out of the water and put her down on the floor.
"Lie down like this," I whispered breathlessly, positioning her to lie on her side, that way she'd be able to cough out any more water in her system and recuperate faster. I knelt beside her, covering my mouth with the back of my hand when I felt another cough coming.
Then I watched her, watched her still struggling to find a burst of fresh air through her lungs, and my heart clenched in my chest, guilt washing over me.
This is my fault. This is all my fault.
When she finally caught her breath, she laid on the floor completely, wordlessly staring into space as her chest rose and fell at a rapid pace. And as I quietly watched, I saw a bead of tear escape from the corner of her eyes. At first, I thought it was the water, but then I saw more, and more, followed by slow quakes of her shoulder that indicated that she was sobbing.
My heart shattered right there and then.
Fück. She's crying because of me.
I fucked up. I really fucked up.
"Hilary-" I wanted to rush to her, but her abrupt sit-up stopped me. She didn't look at me, didn't meet my eyes and that broke me into a thousand pieces.
Fück.
"I need..." She trailed off when her voice gave out scratchy and croaky, gulping in air. "I need to get some air," She finished, standing up that same moment and darted off into the house, grabbing the bathrobe on the floor along with her.
I exhaled, running my fingers through my wet hair.
Simi. What the fuck did you do?
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐘
(Hilary Idara Eghosa)
I jammed the door close as soon as I entered the bathroom, locking it just in case thought to enter.
I had barely sat down on the closed WC before bursting into a flood of tears, wailing out and allowing my cries to echo and bounce on the walls of the bathroom. I didn't hold back, couldn't hold back even if wanted to. I just let it all out, cried out all the pent-up and bottled-up emotions I thought I had successfully locked away till today.
And to think that I was finally over it... finally over that awful, horrid, and disastrous night, but I wasn't.
At this rate, I don't think I can ever be.
As soon as my body hit the water, I was taken back there. Taken back to that road, that bridge. Taken back to the car, sitting beside Henry.
Taken back to his last smile. His Last Words.
"I love you too, you Monkey,"
Honk!
Tires screeching on the road before bursting through the iron barricades, lunging us off the bridge.
Water. Lots Of Water!
"ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!"
I screamed in Excruciating Pain, clawing at my clothes, on my skin, tearing flowing my eyes in waves.
I could only imagine the pain Henry felt. With this little glimpse, I could only imagine. I could only imagine his lungs filling up with more and more water even in his unconscious state. I could only imagine the agonizing, harrowing, and consuming pain he was feeling as his lungs expanded and expanded until they finally burst and tore into shreds.
I could only imagine, even though I wanted to feel it. To feel EVERYTHING he felt.
Henry didn't deserve that pain!
It should have been me.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!
"ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!"
I screamed again but this time, it was accompanied by loud, frantic bangs against the door.
"Hilary!" Simi's voice filled the room loud and clear, worry sipping from it in streams.
I kept screaming, kept crying, not paying any heed to the frenetic bangs against the door, the occasionally turning of knobs to see if the door would open or how completely freaked out Simi sounded behind the closed door. All I wanted to do was cry! All I wanted to do was scream my lungs out till they burst open.
All I wanted to do right now was die!
I deserved to Die!
It should have been me!
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!
The bangs against the door turned into heavy hits. Soon, it started sounding like Simi was body slamming the door, desperately trying to burst it open. I could feel the bathroom trembling, the walls shaking and the floor vibrating.
Even with how loud my own cries were, I could still hear his grunts as his body kept hitting the door, and my heart thumped in sync with every hit he made to the door. It didn't take up to five minutes before the door finally burst open.
The lock flew off and landed on the floor in front of me. And even with my blurry vision, I could see that the door had slightly tilted off its hinges.
Simi had legit broken the door.
He ran inside, rushing to me as I slipped down from the WC, exhaustion washing over my entire being. He caught me before I hit the floor, sweeping me into his arms while I wept like a baby.
"I'm sorry," He whispered into my hair, hugging tightly to himself like he was scared that I'd run away. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," He chanted. I cried, burying my face into his chest.
Then it suddenly nostalgic. This position. Made me remember my first meltdown in front of Simi at TK's party. It made me cry even more.
I've gotten worse. It has all gotten worse.
"ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!" I wailed again.
"Shh-hh," Simi whispered, pulling me even more into his body, trying to quiet down my uncontrollable screams. "It's okay. It's okay. I'm here," He soothed, burying his face into my hair, pressing kisses to the top of my head as he whispered calming words to me.
I cried and he held me. He didn't let me go
I wasn't sure how long I cried but it could have been minutes, hours in fact. Yet he stayed.
He stayed with me till I had no more tears to shed.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
Simi parked in front of my house, turning off the ignition. I wasn't looking at him, staring down at my hands instead but I could feel his gaze on me from the front. Yes, I sat down at the back. I couldn't bring myself to sit down in the front. Couldn't dare.
I heard him sigh, then opened the door of the driver's side, got down and came over to the back, opened the door, and entered, settling beside me. For the first time, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I've never been embarrassed facing Simi after crying, but now I was beyond embarrassed. I felt humiliated.
What happened in his place wasn't just crying. It was Mental Breakdown. The biggest I've ever had.
It was humiliating. Simi seeing me so weak, beyond vulnerable, and completely helpless like that, was way worse than the night of the party.
It felt so humiliating.
Silence settled between us for a long time till it became uncomfortable. I could feel Simi's eyes on me, watching me intently. But I couldn't look at him. Couldn't bring myself to face him.
"I'm so sorry, Hilary," He whispered, his voice quivering a bit. I could hear the guilt sipping in his voice, could feel his guilt emitting in waves. He blamed himself for what happened. But he didn't know he only gave me the clarity I needed that I wasn't as okay as I thought I was.
I was far from okay.
If this didn't happen, I'd have kept pretending that all was well with me when it wasn't.
All has never been well with me since Henry died.
"I shouldn't have pressured you when you said you didn't want to do it," He continued beating himself up. "I should have listened and taken this at your own pace like you wanted but I ruined things..."
"You didn't ruin anything," I whispered, keeping my eyes on my hands. "All you did was make me realize how screwed up I am. How completely damaged I-I a-am," My voice broke as tears began to well up in my eyes.
"Hilary," Simi sighed, taking my hand and pulling me into a hug. I didn't fight it. I couldn't fight it. I just needed him to hold me.
He hugged me and I buried my face in the hollow of his neck, wrapping my hands around his middle as I started another round of tears. Simi held me, digging his fingers into my hair and giving my scalp soothing rubs that calmed me down and increased my tears at the same time.
He held me so close to himself like he wanted to feel everything I was feeling like he wanted to take all of my pain to himself.
"I'm so damaged," I whispered into his neck between tears.
"No, no, no," He shook his head, disagreeing with me
"I'm never going to get better, am I?" I asked
"Of course, you are going to get better," Simi answered, his voice reassuring, promising.
He pulled away slightly from me, holding my face in his hands, making sure to tilt it up so that I was looking directly at him, right into his eyes just like he was looking into mine. He sighed, using his thumb to clean my tears off my face gently, trailing his knuckles down my cheek in a soft touch.
I involuntarily leaned into his touch, my eyes fluttering with the tears at the tip of my eyes falling in the process.
"Look at me," He cajoled and my eyes fluttered back open automatically, meeting his beautiful amber orbs. Amber orbs that held me spellbound and transfixed. My cries were reduced to sobs and slight hiccups.
"You are going to be okay," His voice held certainty, assurance, and promise, hooking me right into his words.
"You are strong, Hilary," He told me, mustering a small small, small contagious smile that I couldn't resist mimicking even my tears.
"You are So Strong.... and So Beautiful..." He trailed off, brushing strands of hair off my face as if he wanted to look at me better. Then he sighed, staring at me in bewilderment like he was awestruck by me.
Like he was looking at something beyond this world, Something terrestrial and ethereal. Something Heavenly.
I burned under his look, and felt my body flame up from his stare. But I couldn't look away. I didn't want to look away. His look made me feel Everything.
Everything Good.
And with all that happened, I needed to feel it.
"You are Strong enough to get over this," He continued, his voice hushed, tone an octave deeper. "It might take time but you will. You want to know why? Because you can do anything you set your mind on. You are strong like that, Hilary. Unarguably the strongest person I know right now."
"Simi..." I choked out, unable to say more.
He sighed in response, curving his hand to the back of my neck and drawing my face in till my forehead was touching his. That simple gesture had my heart skipping beats. Then he took my hand with his free one and brought it to rest on his chest. I could feel his heart beating in sync with mine.
In Perfect Sync.
Perfect Sync.
Perfect...
"I'm with you, Hilary," He whispered, his clean breath fanning the skin of my face and I inhaled. "Always," He promised, and I exhaled, all the burden I had laden on my chest, slowly slipping away at his promise.
And I felt calm. Not completely but I felt the calmness spilling over me like an overflow.
I can't remember how long we stayed in that position, but I didn't want to leave.
Simi didn't want to leave either.
And in the quietness of his car, cocooned in his hold right in front of my house, Simi made me feel Everything Perfect. He made me feel Everything and More.
𝐀/𝐍
😭😫✨❤️🔥My babies!
Gawd, writing this chapter made me feel a lot of things. I smile, I laughed, I cooed, I CRIED! God, I CRIED 😭. I felt everything and more, no capping🥺❤️✨.
I don't know if you guys have noticed before now but Hilary never got over the whole issue surrounding her brother's death. She tried to downplay it, tried to keep herself busy so she won't think about it, if she at all she brings her brother up, she will talk about him so briefly, and then jump into another discussion. She didn't want to think about it because she thought that was the best way to heal. Lock it up at the back of her mind and throw away the key.
But now, what happened to her at Simi's was like a big trigger that made everything burst open and overflow. It had to happen, Simi was only a catalyst. He didn't even understand the gravity of what he was doing until he saw the effect and it nearly broke him, seeing Hilary have a mental breakdown like that💔.
Le sigh 🤧.
All is well though, all will be well eventually.
We'd probably be visiting Hilary's therapist very soon, but not in the next Chapter sha. The next chapter will be all Jidenna, Adela, and well... TK. Trust me we can't avoid him. Even I have tried.
Till then... Kisses😘😚.