F L O R E N C E
"You can go home today." Charles my doctor informs us the second he steps through the door. Giving him a warm and grateful smile, I can only hope that he catches onto how thankful I am for taking care of me the past few days. I couldn't imagine it was easy for him. He looked anxious while treating me, but only when my brothers were in the room. When we were alone he looked a lot more relaxed.
I had to tell all four of them through hand gestures after Charles left, to stop being so mean. Emilio said and I quote: "We just want the best care for our sister." He received a look from me saying: "Are you stupid?
They did in fact not listen to me. I had to apologize on their behalf to Charles by writing in his notepad, because no one thought to give me one.
The past few days have been horrendous in all different ways horrendous days can go.
First of all, although they have put me on medication, my ribs still burn. The pain is not necessarily the issue but rather the constant poking and prodding of the doctor to see where it hurts and where it doesn't. Then, after the poking is done, the pain from it, lasts another twenty minutes before simmering down. I made sure none of my brothers saw the pain I was in, the idea of them yelling at sweet Charles makes me sad just thinking about it.
Secondly, I have not had a moment of peace. I have been watched every hour of everyday in case something goes wrong. They never leave the room, and they never let me have a moment to myself. Not even when I am using the washroom. One of them stands at the closed door just in case.
Thirdly, all four of them have been sulking, as well as having other differing emotions towards me. As someone who hasn't had anyone around in years, I find all social interactions awkward, and my brothers? They are my only social. I literally do not have a life outside of them. But that is a whole other problem in itself.
Emilio has been coddling me. If I want a drink of water, and there is some leftover water from the last sip I had, he will dump the full glass, and then fill it up again because there "could be dust in my water."
Like dust is the worst thing I have inhaled in the past ten years of my life.
Dominic clearly cannot fathom living a moment where he doesn't open his mouth. He claims that when there is silence between the five of us, it is "awkward." Which is understandable because I am silent and I am the definition of awkward. Still though, not a single minute of silence.
Massimo has stuck to his promise. He sits in the far corner of the room doing work on his laptop. He doesn't say much but when he looks up he smiles at me. Not out of pity but rather a genuine smile. Which is nice I guess.
And then there is Lucien. He hasn't been able to look at me since I woke up. However this time around, it isn't because he hates me and wants me to leave. Because I may be silent but I am certainly not blind, I can read people easily. So when we do make eye contact all I see is guilt written all across his face. Guilt of how bad he has treated me, or guilt of how he wished I was back with mom, I will never know.
I don't want to know. When I woke up, and I saw four faces looking at me with pity and heartbreak I knew that they knew. My secret was gone and put on a billboard where everyone and anyone could see. The walls I have built up all these years crumbling into a pile of stones. Now that they know my secret, I realized that I need to build up my new walls. Because I am too vulnerable, too trusting.
Massimo and Lucien treated me like garbage and once they see I am just a frail abused girl all of a sudden they care. What happened not only opened their eyes but mine as well. I know now that to protect me in the long run, I will need to put my instinct to trust them aside. I can prove to them that I am not fragile and that I don't need them. Because when you give people that power they take advantage of you.
Not again, never again.
So as they wheel me out of the hospital and Massimo sends me a small smile I don't return it. When Emilio holds my hand and squeezes it I don't squeeze back. And when Lucien makes eye contact with me I don't let him see a look of reassurance on my face. I look at him as blankly as he did to me before the incident.
And when we get home and I am put into my bed where I don't look at them with any sort of gratitude. I just turn around and face the opposite wall with my big window. It's only midday as read on my alarm, but it would be impossible to tell the time by the sun because the sky is covered in every direction with thick black grey clouds. It was sunny this morning when Charles told me I could leave the hospital. But the sky converted in a blink of an eye from a clear sunny blue sky to a dark heavy rain cloud.
That's Canadian weather for you.
I think—or I should say, I hope the boys got the message that I want to be alone, because for the first time all week I am alone. In my bed, under my thick duvet, and in my pyjamas.
And for the first time this week I feel as though I can breathe again. When I look into their eyes I see regret and sadness. I am reminded of everything I have tried so hard to forget.
I would give anything to speak. I would give anything to have confidence and put a smile on my face knowing that it's because I am happy and not because I am trying to convince myself I am okay. I want to talk to Emilio and Dominic about school and I want to join in on Nora and Rylie's bickering.
But I can't, because if I speak I will never stop, because I will be breaking a rule, and because I don't even deserve to have a voice.
That's what Mama said at least.
It started from the second I walked into Mamas beat down government funded home. Trey and Mama stood waiting, Trey with a belt and Mama with her booze.
Then, I was on the ground. Repeated kicks to my ribs, stomach, and hips.
Next, was the empty beer bottle shattering across my half exposed back. My back covered by a grey undershirt and a thick coat of blood.
After that, they left. Claiming they had somewhere to be. They were too drunk that night to remember not to damage anything visible. I had a busted lip and a swollen cheek from a slap—more like punch to the face.
So I went to school. Hoping, praying, that someone—anyone, would notice the bruising or the limping.
My teacher noticed, she told the principal, and then the principal called CPS to investigate Mama and Trey.
The CPS worker who was called to investigate was Donald Artem. A friend of Trey's. Donald saw nothing wrong in his home inspection. He claimed there wasn't a speck of dust on the furniture and that Mama and Trey were kind and considerate "Christ-like" parents.
Donald saw the blood stained carpets. He saw the millions of beer bottles, shattered and/or empty. He saw the cannabis and the white baggies.
He stopped by for a beer, drank it, and then reported the investigation as closed.
That night? I almost saw death. That was the worst night of my life. They forced me down and made me drink lavender body soap. Not enough to kill me but enough to make me instantly throw it up. They spent the rest of the night torturing me. That was also the night I lost my voice to the numb and succumbing world of silence.
That day I thought I may have finally beat them. That I would get sent home to my brothers and father. I don't know much about why or how I got taken but I do remember how much Mama and Papa hated each other. I was so wrong. I was naive, I was ten. Five years since them and I have not uttered a single word since.
No one in this house has given me a reason to not trust them. But if they do? I don't think I would be capable of handling it.
So that is what I do.
Distance myself.
-
"I hope you have a good day at school Florence." Massimo says pulling into the school parking lot. "You too Lucien."
Lucien so kindly ignores Massimo, getting out of the car swinging his backpack over his shoulder before walking away.
Jackass.
"Florence." I stop in my tracks as I almost made it out of the car without being bombarded. I turn towards him. He looks the same way they all have been looking at me since I got home from the hospital. "Just stay safe today. All right?" I give him a thumbs up and shut the backseat door.
It's been a full week since I came home from the hospital. Everyone has been sulking since then. I've been distancing myself, Emilio and Dominic are looking sadder than ever, Lucien is more moody than usual, and Massimo is trying extra hard to be nice and available in case I need anything.
It's my second day back at school. Yesterday I managed to hide in the shadows from the kids who like to take joy in making fun of me. I hung out at lunch with my friends and they basically just caught me up on everything I missed.
As I walk through the halls today people are starting to notice me, and not in a good way. Maybe it's because of how pale I look or my hair I decided to not wash last night. I have a feeling that yesterday I must've gotten lucky because someone like me cannot just go unnoticed.
Not when teenagers live on gossip and not when they feel the need to project their insecurities on the people they consider less than them.
It was wishful thinking of mine, really. They don't even bother to hide their whispers, or their stares... or the points. Like seriously, c'mon! It's not that hard.
I skip going to my locker when I see Emma and her gang waiting around there. I guess they heard I was back too. At least I went a day without them harassing me. So when I get to my class I am extra early. It's not that bad though, it gives me a chance to catch up on my reading.
-
My second class of the day which is right before lunch has just started. The seat beside mine is empty, just like yesterday, and just like my first day here.
The class was going fairly slow considering it started ten minutes ago. I still have another hour left. This has to be the most boring class ever.
Well... maybe I spoke too soon. Not a minute later the door is slammed open by a boy in your classic Toronto hood man outfit. The classic salt and pepper Roots sweatpants and the NorthFace puffer jacket, with black airforces. To top of the look he doesn't hide the turquoise vape sticking out of his pocket. He isn't even wearing uniform. What the hell?
The teacher looks away from him in annoyance from his entrance but I couldn't help but notice the way her skin pales or that nervous look in her eye.
He mopes over to the empty desk beside me, and although I was watching this go down, it still startled me when he dropped his books on his desk.
"Who the fuck are you?" He points to me, a sneer evident on his face. He has to be older than me. At least a grade 11. There is no way he is my age.
The girl in front of me snickers. "She doesn't speak Jake."
"Oh so she's a freak?" He laughs. I look down. The teacher watches with sympathetic eyes but doesn't say anything.
"She is a freak isn't she?" The girl laughs.
The rest of the class Jake didn't take his eyes off of me.
-
Hey everyone!
I think that chapters will be once a week now, maybe twice depending on how busy I get.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and as I mentioned in the last, I strayed away from my original plot plan so I am trying to get back on track.
Hence why the chapter is called Five Steps Back. I promise that the siblings will connect soon.
Anyways, love you all ❤️