Ariel
Despite the cold wind of February morning, my body was perspiring and igniting heat every second. A drop of my sweat trickled down my forehead onto my cheeks and then travelled down my neck into my sleeveless top. I was panting, letting the air out through my mouth and watched it turn into a white smoke as it hit the cool temperature of the atmosphere.
Both my wrists were locked behind me in his powerful grip, so I bucked my leg behind me, pushing him with all my strength. He took a few steps back, and I turned around on my heel, my hands fisted before my chest.
I stared at my opponent, Kaidon Cross, who stood before me in all his might, not needing an armour to protect himself. The cold winter morning could hold nothing against the hard muscles on his shirtless body. It had been weeks for me watching him like that every morning, sparring against me, in nothing but his black sweatpants, and yet I hadn't gotten used to his beefy physique. I still couldn't keep my eyes off that chest, the corded vein that stretched across his forearm as he fisted his knuckles against me, the tight grooves between the muscles on his abdomen; this man was lucky he had no taste for food because a body like that could not be maintained without a strict diet.
I shook my head, a surge of guilt flooding inside my heart for appreciating a guy other than Sey. I respected Sey. I liked him a lot. He had always been there in my times of grief. When I was going crazy, having lost my memory, when my blank mind was torturing me, he showed me a way to let out my rage. He taught me how to protect myself and how to stand up for myself. No matter how strict he was, his confidence in me never faltered. It gave me the strength to look past my flaws and focus on my future.
I can't do this to him. I can't betray him.
I charged toward him again, pounding my punches at him. He effortlessly caught them in his palms, fingers big enough to wrap around my entire fist. I growled and tried to kick him, only for him to duck and dodge that, and then he pushed his fist under my chin. He stopped, barely an inch away from my skin, choosing not to bruise my face.
He had made it clear that I should attack him with the intent to kill, but he never returned the gesture. He made it a point never to hit me.
I pushed aside his arm with my hand and then jabbed my elbow at him, but he glided to the side and then caught hold of my shoulder and knocked me to the ground.
His body caged mine, his face several inches above me. He sat there with one knee on the ground while I lay below him with my back to the soft grass of our backyard, my fingers circling the wrist of his arm that had me pinned to the ground. I could feel his pulse; it was beating much faster than it should have, considering he showed no signs of exhaustion on his face, in contrast to my sweaty forehead and panting lungs.
I looked into his emerald green eyes, the colour that gave a tinge of softness to his hard masculine face. I had been studying his features every single morning, each day looking forward to these few seconds at the end of our daily workout when he would defeat me and pin me to the ground, ending our sparring session. I always tried to ignore the desire and consciously scolded myself for looking at him, but the moment his face would appear in my line of sight, I would start staring again.
We lay there in silence for a few more seconds. His lips parted slightly as if to shoot a nasty comment to me about my amateur skills like he always did, but then he abruptly pulled himself up and rounded the backyard to go back inside the house.
I sighed. Something was different. The silence was suffocating. I had barely spoken to him in over a week now. It was as if he had been intentionally avoiding me, ignoring me since Sey returned.
I decided to head back inside as well and take a shower. It was the day Sey would get discharged finally.
Kaidon, Griffin and I were seated in a cafeteria right outside the hospital. Seydon had a couple more tests to complete before he could finally be released. Uncle Leander stayed with him while Alex accompanied Rihanna to her University for her registration for the new semester.
"Stop working and get yourself something to eat," I asked my brother, who sat there with his laptop, several bar charts and excel worksheets open on his screen. We had left early in the morning to pick Sey up, and when we learned it would take some time, we decided to pick up breakfast outside.
When he didn't respond to my words, I spoke up again in a stern voice, "Griffin."
"I heard you the first time." He absentmindedly waved his hand in the air, dismissing me. Kaidon looked up for a glance, his eyes still avoiding me, and then returned to his phone.
"Close it before I spill this lemonade on your keyboard," I threatened as I took a sip from my cup.
He continued typing without glancing at me and replied, "When have I ever not returned your favours, little sister?"
I flinched. Even though we were in our mid-twenties, we never missed an opportunity to pull each other's legs. Nothing had changed in the last five years. I didn't remember anything or anyone back then, but Griffin's annoying behaviour felt just like home. He never let me feel like an ill patient.
Griffin was not the head of the family yet since our father hadn't stepped down, but he was groomed to be one. He was trained in all our secret arts, in diplomacy, in management, in strategy and every other skill needed as the head. He was already handling the family business. On the surface, we worked as an investment group, having a stake in a multitude of fields, from technology to arts, food to heavy machinery. However, despite being blessed with a sharp mind, Griffin could never be convinced to dedicate himself to the business wholeheartedly. He loved to travel around. This was when father made a deal with him. He was required to work for a month, after which he was allowed a month off to travel.
When he continued to ignore me again, I decided to unleash the most potent weapon in my arsenal.
"Griffin, get your ass up and order some food before I call up mom and let her deal with you."
As soon as the words left my mouth, he shut his laptop screen and bounced up from his chair. He pushed it aside and gave a playful tug to my ponytail before heading off to the main counter.
I glanced down at my phone to check my texts. There was one from a teacher of the Academy. She was the homeroom teacher of the daughter of the man who had died earlier. Just like Kaidon had said, I couldn't get the man out of my mind, so I decided to be the "daddy-long-legs" for his child. The academy sponsored all kids' education and daily needs, but I wanted her to have a little more. I wanted her to receive presents on her birthday, cards on New Year, new stationery when she graduated a grade, and new clothes for a field trip. Most of all, I wanted her to have someone she could boast to about everything she achieved. I couldn't make up for everything she would be missing, but this was the least I could do.
I smiled when I read she loved the watch I got for her. Her teacher relayed her thank you to me. In her eyes, I was an old friend of her father's who lived overseas.
My eyes then darted to Kaidon's plate, which had a half-eaten omelette lying on it. He seemed too occupied with his phone to take another bite. I was tempted to throw a sassy remark at him for wasting his food, but then I decided otherwise. It already seemed like I had done something to piss him off, and I didn't want to go around making it worse.
"The food's not good?" I broke the looming silence between us.
His eyes flicked at me, and then his gaze slipped down to his plate. "No complaints. I can do much worse than this."
That made me chuckle. While Kaidon could hold his ground in any argument, he knew his cooking was terrible, and he manned up to that flaw.
When I looked at him again, his eyes were already staring back at me. As soon as I noticed, he looked away, clearly meaning to shut me off.
"Got no appetite then?" I wasn't going to let the conversation die.
He sighed as if I was someone he wasn't comfortable around and then pulled up his phone again and said, "I think I will call up Seydon."
With that, he pushed his seat back and walked out of the cafeteria. All I could do was watch him stroll out, feeling dumbfounded. He was blowing me off on purpose, avoiding me, ignoring me. Like I was a nuisance to him. I was livid and hurt at the same time. The brush-off didn't sit right with me. He behaved much better when I screwed up in the mission. Then what was making him act like that towards me now?
I pulled out my pills and popped one in my mouth, and then gulped it down with a glass of water. Right after the accident, I got some panic and anxiety attacks, and I was given these pills to calm me. I wasn't sure how long I was required to keep eating them.
"Ariel!"
Two soft arms gently wrapped around my shoulders, and I looked up to see the beaming face of Rihanna. Alex followed after her and barked at Griffin, who was standing at the counter, still looking at the menu, "Get me an egg sandwich!"
"Griffin, a cheese sandwich for me, please!" Rihanna added.
"What this?" Alex asked, eyeing the pill container in my hand.
"Oh, that's something Sey got me for my anxiety. It's a very mild dose. The doctor asked me to take them regularly after my accident." I slipped the bottle back into my purse and took another sip of my lemonade.
While Rihanna took the seat opposite me that Kaidon had just emptied, Alex walked outside and stood beside him. The two of them had their backs to the large cafeteria window, and my eyes kept glancing at them repeatedly. Rihanna must have noticed my uneasiness because she asked, "Everything okay, Ariel?"
I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to discuss with her. I was confused about my feelings, and the last thing I wanted was to have her worry about me. I decided to keep it vague.
"Is Alex treating you right?"
Her cheeks visibly flushed at the mention of her boyfriend's name. Rihanna had always been a spunky girl, but when it came to romance, she would turn as red as a beetroot. We didn't even realise they were dating until last year when Alex returned from his mission with a gunshot, and Rihanna bawled her eyes out and kissed him like her life depended on it.
Her neck tilted to look at the view outside the cafeteria, her eyes fixed on Alex's back, and her lips parted with a sigh. My antennae didn't fail to detect the longing in that gaze.
"He's nice, but..."
"But?"
Her gaze returned to my face, her eyes holding a hint of moisture in them. "Sometimes, I wonder if he really loves me. Is that really a good thought to have in a relationship?"
Another hour later, the doctor told us that we were free to take Sey home. His wounds were almost healed, but he was still asked to take it easy and avoid any strenuous activities. I sat in Kaidon's car in the backseat along with Sey, while Griffin sat in the passenger seat along with Kaidon. Alex and Rihanna were seated in Uncle Leander's car, driving close behind us. My eyes dipped down, and I gazed at my fingers which Sey held in a tight grasp over my lap. He didn't usually show this much affection in public. It was as if I was the one who was injured and almost got taken away from him. It felt like he feared I was slipping away from his grasp and was trying to hold me down.
"Uncle Leander, you really should stay for dinner at least. I assure you I won't disappoint you!" I requested him after they arrived at the front door. Griffin stood beside me to receive them while Kaidon helped his cousin up the stairs to his room.
"I do not doubt that, dear, but I need to go. I think Alex has some questions for me." He glanced at his son, who stood at the far end of the roundabout with Rihanna, her wrist in his grip. He gently raised it up and placed a kiss on the bracelet she was wearing.
"He gifted her that from the first bucks he earned as part of The Order." He sighed and shrugged as a smile graced his lips. "Got nothing for his old man, though."
"I am surprised you would allow him to be a part of the organisation, Mr Reed," My brother spoke, his hands crossed over his chest.
"It was beyond my control. I can't make the little man do anything against his wishes." He then offered his hand to Griffin for a shake, and he complied. Next, he moved closer to me, and his fingers gently caressed my head. He pushed a hair lock that escaped my ponytail behind my ear and then lowered his arm down, but his gaze didn't hide the longing he held. He clearly saw his dead daughter every time he looked at me. No wonder he didn't want to stay. No wonder he always turned down my dinner invites. I couldn't imagine what my parents would have to go through if something ever happened to either me or Griffin. How broken and devasted would they be. One glance at this man was enough to get my answers.
Something stirred inside me, and without a second thought, I propped myself up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck into a tight embrace. He seemed a little taken aback by the sudden act, but then his hands covered the back of my hair, and his chin rested on my head, returning the hug.
Dinner was a loud one, with Sey reciting the story of his mission and how he escaped an explosion while on a stakeout. Even though we were already aware, he still told us how he learned that his target was his father. I could hear the sadness in his voice. My heart ached for him. I took hold of his hand to use my powers on him and absorb his pain, but that just seemed to depress him further.
Kaidon announced he would be leaving the following day since all the renovations in his house were almost completed. Rihanna as well would be leaving for her next semester. I was certain Griffin was also planning a trip soon, considering how dedicatedly he was working earlier to meet the deadlines.
It would be Sey and me again, alone in this huge mansion.
Now that he had returned, would I continue to be Kaidon's partner? Archon Cross told me it was a strategic partnership. They needed me to help control his powers. Surely they won't-
"I have requested the staff to reassign you to Seydon's team," Kaidon answered my unspoken question.
"What?" I gasped. "And you didn't think it was necessary to discuss that with me?"
"You were originally an asset acquired by Seydon. You were loaned to my team while he was out on his mission. It is only fitting that you be returned to him." He answered without looking up at me.
This was preposterous. Something snapped inside me, and I pushed myself up from my seat and tossed the table cloth down. "Stop treating me like an object!"
He finally raised his gaze up to meet mine, and he answered, "Isn't that what you are? A hostage to the Cross family? You were given to Seydon, and you belong to him. Surely you must-"
Griffin slammed his hand on the table and shifted to get up from his chair, but I beat him to it. I picked up my glass of water and hurled it at Kaidon's face. My fingers tightly clenched onto the glass while my heart rate accelerated and my breathing hastened. I hated him. I wanted to hurt him at that moment. I wanted to use my powers to show him his worst nightmare. But my pathetic mind could only think about tossing the water at him because that was all I could do. No matter how badly I wished to hurt him, my heart could not bring itself to make him sad.
I confided my fears in him. I told him I was a hostage. He offered to release me when I wanted to leave, but I didn't. I wanted to stay with him, to look after him, but all he ever did was make me feel like shit.
My lips trembled, wanting to say something in my defence, but I feared if I let another word out, I would break down. The thread holding my feelings together might snap, and I would end up saying something I couldn't take back. I turned around and marched back to my room.
Moments later, the knob turned, and the door clicked open. Sey peeked in and asked, "Can we talk?"
When I nodded, he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. The mattress dipped slightly with his weight when he sat beside me. He placed his hand on the side of my cheek, and I melted into his touch, my eyes threatening to tear up. He pulled me closer to him and then touched my forehead with his, his eyes locked on mine. I savoured the feeling, the softness and the gentleness with which he always held me.
"Did you miss me?"
I nodded, unable to let any words past the lump in my throat.
"I won't let you feel this way ever again." He whispered as he cradled my cheeks between his fingers. "I love you so much, Ariel."
That was when it hit me. His depressed expression from earlier flashed before my eyes when I used my powers to calm him down; why it pinched at him. Because I still didn't love him. I cared about him a lot, but that wasn't enough for him.
Guilt streamed through every inch of my body, and I was tempted to say the words back to him. Even if I didn't mean them. I just wanted to do something to give him the warmth he had been seeking.
His thumb gently brushed over my lower lip, and he dipped his mouth closer until his lips met mine. It was a gentle touch, like feeling soft rose petals on your cheek. When I didn't push him away, he tugged harder, his right arm wrapping around my waist to pull me closer while his left hand still caressing my cheek.
I should have given myself into the moment. I should have only thought about Sey, but my mind kept reeling back to the man who had tugged at my heartstrings for the past few weeks. He rejected me, pushed me away, and despised me, but occasionally I witnessed his gentle side, and I couldn't help thinking about him, enough to make my powers stop working on him.
Sey showered me with kisses along my throat, nibbled on my skin, making me gasp, and his palm shifted up my back to pull the zipper of my dress down. He gently lowered me on the mattress and caged me between his forearms. I held on to them, feeling the thick, hard muscles of his arms. Seydon was unquestionably one of the most beautiful men I had ever come across in my life. I was surprised when he offered to marry me. I thought it was only a kind gesture, an act we would keep up for some time to please my mother, but then he confessed, and as much as I wanted to reciprocate, something held me back. My heart asked me to give in, but my soul told me he wasn't the one.
Before I knew it, my palms were on his chest, pushing him away.
"We can't, Sey. You-you are injured."
I wasn't sure how long I could hold my tears back. It was the only excuse I could think of.
He looked at me, a look of pain flashing across his eyes which was quickly replaced by a pitiful expression. As if he empathised with my pain and, without needing to read my mind, could guess what was pricking my soul.
"I thought you wanted this?" He asked, his voice laced with love and affection. I wanted to disappear. I wanted someone to kill me and dump me into the ocean. When I failed to answer him, he closed his eyes, as if understanding my unspoken feelings and then brought my fingers close to his lips. He kissed them softly and then strolled out of the room. I lay there on the bed without moving an inch. I sniffled as I felt the first tear roll down, before I broke out into a cry.
I woke up with puffy red eyes the following day. I descended down the circular staircase and noticed the packed suitcase near the couch. Kaidon sat beside it, sipping his morning coffee and browsing through the newspaper. Rihanna and Griffin sat at the dining table, applying butter to their toast.
I walked past the couch but didn't glance at him, and he didn't look at me either. Neither words were exchanged nor the presence registered. I exchanged a look with Griffin and Rihanna and smiled at them. Rihanna returned the smile while Griffin just stared at me with a sympathetic look. I walked inside the kitchen to make myself some coffee when I heard the main door slide open as Sey walked inside after his morning run.
"Kaidon," He nodded towards the dining table while he stared at him and then walked up to us.
"I have got an important announcement to make." He clapped his hands, asking for our attention, and I joined them on the table while stirring my cup of coffee.
"Are you leaving on another suicide mission or something?" Griffin mumbled.
He grinned as he answered. "I wish, but this is something more important."
I took a sip of my coffee in anticipation of what he would say next.
"I am breaking up my engagement with Ariel."
I almost choked on my coffee and coughed.
What?
"What the fuck? Are you high, Seydon?" My brother growled. "Are you in this with him, Ariel?" He asked, flashing me a questioning look.
I stared ahead blankly, my eyes darting between Sey and my brother. A part of me wanted to look at Kaidon, too, to notice his reaction to this.
"I can't apologise enough for this, but we can't be engaged anymore."
"You think you can break my sister's heart and hope to live another day?" Griffin glared at him, his eyes shooting daggers.
Sey glanced at me, and my heart sank. Did he know? Would he put my feelings out into words?
"I think it would break her heart more if she stays with me because..."
He knows. He knows that I...
From the corner of my eyes, I looked at Kaidon.
"...because I think I am gay."
What?
"What the- are you fucking kidding me?" My brother's voice gained a couple more decibels.
I heard a loud gasp of surprise from Rihanna while Kaidon sat there with his face half-covered with his fingers.
Sey chuckled as he stared at our bewildered expressions.
"Is this all a joke to you?" Griffin howled.
"Absolutely not, Griffin." Sey reached out his hand across the table and put it over his fingers. "My feelings for you are very genuine."
"Get the fuck away from me!" Griffin snarled, slapping his hand away, and Sey broke out into another round of laughter.
"I am serious here. I think Ariel agrees with me. It's not working out. It's better we stay apart for a while." He turned to Kaidon as he continued, "What do you say, Kaidon? Take her with you. You guys are partners, after all. It's better if she continues to train with you."
"Do you think my sister is a-"
Sey raised his palm to interrupt him. "We can't deny the fact that your family has sent Ariel as a hostage. If there is anyone I trust to actually treat her with respect beside me, it's my brother here. You'd do that for her, wouldn't you?"
I couldn't care less what Kaidon's answer would be. I felt betrayed. I was working hard to let go of my distracting feelings and accept Sey, but he wasn't putting in the same effort. He wanted me out, gone, and the lonely child inside me didn't want to part from my confidant.
"Sey, can I talk to you for a second?"
Without waiting for his reply, I pushed my chair back and ascended the stairs to our room. He followed in a moment later. As if he hadn't just dropped a bomb down there, he casually walked ahead to the closet and pulled his t-shirt over his head, the sweat from his morning run trickling down his back.
I stood there near the door with my hands over my waist, ready to interrogate him. "What is the matter with you, Sey?"
"What?" he asked, his back still turned to me.
"The least you could do was give me a heads up!"
"But isn't that what you want?" He asked as he turned around to face me. "You wanted to be free from the shackles, right? You don't owe me anything, okay? You don't need to stick to me and care about me just because I looked after you. You might not remember, but you were the one doing me a favour. Your last five years were a price you paid to me, and you don't owe me anything any longer! I am freeing you so you can do as you wish!"
I thought I had run out of all tears last night. But that moment proved me wrong. His words pinched at my heart like thorns on a rose. As much as I hated what he said, I knew his words were out of the wound I left on his heart. I couldn't return his love. I was there with him, but he was still lonely. However, the truth was, I was lonely as well. When I woke up that morning five years back, my mind was blank. I couldn't even remember my own face. He was the first person I saw beside me, and ever since, he had been my crutch, the person I trusted with my life.
"Why-why are you doing this to me, Sey?" My voice cracked with the tears, and I hiccuped. "Why won't you let me stay with you? Am I not good enough? Why are you pushing me away?"
His expression softened at my words. His hands trembled on his sides, and his lips parted to let out a sigh. "I am freeing you. If you genuinely wish to stay beside me for the rest of your life, my doors are open. But once you make that commitment, I won't let you leave again, even if you say otherwise later. You'll be mine and mine alone forever. Well then, take a step to my side if you are prepared for that. Go ahead."
Forever? Forever his?
I hesitated at that thought. If he had asked a few months back, I would have agreed in a heartbeat. I trusted him. I depended on him. I owed my life to him. I was sure I would come to love him eventually, but now... with these foreign feelings inside of me... this unknown suffocation clutching at my heart, I couldn't move my feet ahead even if I wanted to. My hands curled up into fists beside me as I stood motionless in the room.
I can't... Not when I feel this way towards another person...
A wounded expression dawned over his eyes as he waited. "That's what I thought."