Does he know?
Sian has never felt guilt like this. Pure gut wrenching guilt which stabs at this insides as his stomach aches in pain. He can't stand. When he does he keels over in pain. He's sick. The guilt has been eating at him, forcing him to throw up. He can't eat. His dads have tried to get him to eat, Kun made his favourites, Hansol made him soup. He wasn't hungry.
He was sick.
Does Justin know that his best friend had done one of the worst things a human can do?
He's not been to school yet. He's sick, why would he? People have been messaging him. But he doesn't have the strength to talk to them. They are worried. His parents are worried. They keep talking about the doctor and hospitals, but Sian says he's okay, he'll get over it. He knows they know it's something more than medical, their sensitive baby always got like this when he was sad, but never this bad. But he'd never done this before.
Did Eleven walk out of the changing rooms with the intention of telling Justin?
Sian likes to think he would, he would feel so guilty that he would have to tell Sushi. He also likes to think he didn't, because if he did then he doesn't know what was going to happen. All of their lives are connected, but who would have to take the blame. Who would have to live a life away from them all to hide his shame, for ruining their relationship? Maybe Justin would learn to overcome it, as long as Sian was out of their lives. But-
Did he tell him?
What if he didn't? How was Sian going to ever see them again, he couldn't, couldn't keep it secret. He had to say something. But then he couldn't. He didn't want to be the person who fucked it up, who always fucked everything up.
Should he tell him?
Ding!
1️⃣1️⃣
He knows. Come over.
✰ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ 🤢 ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ✰
Shi Yi was sweating. He felt drenched, and he was sure it was starting to stain his shirt which fit tightly under his arms. What was he doing again? Oh, yeah. Telling his beloved boyfriend he kissed another guy, not just any guy, just their shared best friend who they both love and care for.
Just one of the most important people in their life.
Justin was too good for this, he knows that's a cliche, an excuse, but it's too true. He was pure, he saw the beauty in the world, he was an optimist. Yet here he was, sat opposite him in latter's home, being looked at with curious eyes. Those eyes. Shit, they are so beautiful. He loves him. He may be too young for that, maybe he isn't, who knows?
Who cares!
He has to tell him. Eleven has thought about it, since he was left alone in the changing rooms, since he walked out of the door and his immediate thought was to run after Sian. To kiss him again. To punch him? Beg him not to tell. Or to beg him to tell? He wasn't sure what he wanted.
Sian would probably be better at telling him, he has a softer demeanour, a less intimidating voice, and much better puppy eyes.
What do you mean puppy eyes?
He deserves no pity. He did wrong.
Worse.
He wanted to do it. He wanted to kiss Sian. The words. What was said, what he said, what Sian said. He wanted that. Again. Again. Again. Wanted to wrap his arms around his waist tightly, as he felt a slight pinch to the back of neck as Sian's own arms tightened. Wanted to feel a soft thumb caress his cheek, his own hand covering Sian's as they gently swayed together to the soft melody repeating over and over in Eleven's mind. He wanted to watch him from a far, laughing away at something Justin said, watching the two of them chasing after one another. He wanted to kiss Sian again.
And again. And again. And again.
"Shi Yi!" Justin yelled, looking at his boyfriend with worry. He told him he had something important to tell him, and his nerves were already heightened as Eleven arrived to his house. Justin's sister and parents were out, they were alone, and if he was getting dumped he was glad they didn't have an audience.
He was freaking out. Shi Yi just spent five minutes staring into thin air, biting his lip so hard he's draw a small amount of blood.
God, was he getting dumped?
He's not proposing, right?
They're in their last year at school, they can't get engaged, can't get married, can't have kids yet.
Did he cheat?
Who would he?
Why would he?
What did he-
"I kissed Sian."
"What?" Justin was breathless. His eyes wide with shock? horror? sadness? anger?
"Sian and I kissed. After the football match, in the locker room. I kissed him."
"You kissed Sian?" Justin didn't understand. Sian was so insistent on being the one who went to see him after he got hit, the bruise still evident on his face. He had forced Justin not to follow, told him that this was between them. Was this it? All the pining and confessions thrown away as his boyfriend made out with their best friend behind his back. Sian was bright red when he shoved past Justin as he left the locker room, and he refused to notice the blood which had dropped onto his shirt. Ignored the bright red lips of his boyfriend, and the blissed out confused look he held as Justin applied an ice pack to his nose.
"Are you two-" Shi Yi's head whipped up, after having an intense staring contest with the floor. "No, it was a one time thing. I swear, baby, I-"
"You kissed Sian? My best friend. Your best friend." Eleven cringeed.
"Ye-Yeah. I did." Justin was frozen. What should he say?
How could you?
We're over?
Why did you kiss him?
Do you like him?
"Call him?"
"What?"
"Get him the fuck over here."
✰ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ 😠 ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ✰
Sian felt tiny under Justin's gaze. He and Eleven stood side by side, about a meter apart. Justin sat with his legs crossed, holding a face Sian had never seen him show before. Anger. Confusion. Disgust. Annoyance. He had his arms crossed, the two stood before him were unsure if it was to hold himself back from them, or protect himself from them. As soon as he stepped through the door, a deafening silence loomed heavily in the room. Maybe they shouldn't be doing this in the living room, the room that is on display as soon as you enter the home. However, Sian doubts he will ever be allowed to enter Justin's sacred bedroom ever again.
"So after insisting that you go see Shi Yi, instead of me his boyfriend, you decided to make out with him? Really, Sian?"
"No, I swear it wasn't like that. I-" Justin looked at Sian expectantly, "I went in there to let him blow off steam, like he has always done, b-by shouting at me. He s-said some stupid stuff, that I doubt are even t-true. Th-Then the anger got the better of us, and we kissed." Sian finished, heaving a deep sigh.
"What did you say, Shi Yi?" Justin now tore his eyes away from Sian, and looked to his boyfriend. "I said that I, that he was frustrating me, and that I hated him." Justin's eyes darkened, not believing him. "I told him I hated him because of how oblivious he is. That he hasn't realised how good looking he is." Justin stood up, arms reaching to rub his boyfriend's biceps up and down, the two other boys were confused. "That's true, but what did you say to him to make him want to kiss you?" His arms tightened around Shi Yi's arms, yet his eyes were on Sian, who looked like a deer in headlights.
"I told him that I want him."
"And?" Justin's teeth were now gritted together.
"I told him I w-wanted to bend him over."
Justin stalked over to Sian, looking up at him, not bothering to hide the slight lustful look he held. His breathing quickened, and Sian felt the smaller boys arms circle around his neck. Justin pouted, putting more of his weight around Sian's neck, causing him to bend his head down to meet him. "Did you like it, Sian? Did you like Eleven saying he'd bend you over?"
Sian nodded.
"Did you like kissing him?"
Sian nodded.
"Do you want to kiss me?"
Sian nodded.
Justin's lips were plump. They felt soft against Sian, landing on his lips with a delicate, feather like touch. The hold around his neck softened, and his own arms couldn't help but hold th others waist gently. This was not the same as Eleven. This kiss was not years of rage and lust draining from two young boys, this was years of care and love being brought together by two best friends. Every time Sian carried Justin just because he asked, every time he pulled his seat out for him, every time they made the other laugh, every time they comforted one another through tears. Every soft call of 'Little sushi'.
This was their whole lives with one another becoming one.
Sian squeaked in shock as cold hands circled his waist, the touch tighter then the hold Justin had. Eleven's lips met his neck, a moan leaving his mouth and being swallowed by Justin, Sian unconsciously pushing closer into him.
"Stay the night?" Justin whispered as they broke apart.
"O-Okay."
•| ⊱✿⊰ |•
hehe. only a fanfic writer would turn a complicated makeout session into another complicated makeout session.
not proofread so point out any mistakes please. ik it has been ages.
i would like to take a second to say rest in eternal peace to moonbin, who allowed us kpop fans to watch him shine for so many years, not it is our turn to shine on his behalf.