After one of the hardest decisions in my life, I bed down on the couch, letting Hyunjin sleep in the bed. I wouldn't be able to sleep there. The sheet smells like him and the bed is too big for only me being in it. My heart feels heavy. I know I did the right thing so why is it so hard? Shouldn't I be happy that he won't hurt me anymore by leaving the apartment and being cold towards me? Yes, I should. But I don't feel any happiness, the only feeling inside of me is pain. Pure pain that is breaking my heart. The thought of never kissing those soft lips again is destroying me. Even though we are breaking up on Friday, I know we are not together anymore. We both need some time, a few days, to realize what is happening so we can find some place to stay. Hyunjin will probably go home to his parents and I will ask Jisung if I can stay with them for a few weeks.
Right now I want to go to Hyunjin to apologize for everything I have said before. But it would not be right. I have experienced a lot of pain because of him and it needs to stop. God, if I just knew how he is truly feeling about this.
I lie down on the cold couch, Hyunjin went to sleep already. My mind is trying hard to think about something else but it always comes back to him. The silence in the room is unbearable as if nothing was in it. Just an empty room with an old couch no one had used for a long time. It's scary, nerve-wracking. As if something bad was about to happen, well, the bad thing happened already and something even worse is coming in a few days. It feels like a horror movie when everything becomes quiet. You know about the scary scene but you are still nervous. The tension brings tears to your eyes as you are waiting impatiently.
Morning comes and my alarm wakes me up. My eyes hurt from the long crying at night and tiredness. A yawn leaves my mouth and I get up sighing. Without any sound, I go to the bedroom where I pick some clothes. Before I leave I look at Hyunjin, who is sleeping peacefully on the side of the bed which was claimed as his until yesterday night. Now both sides of it belong to him.
He teems a bit and changes a position, facing me. My heart aches and for some to me unknown reason I sit on the bed next to him. Very gently I run my fingers through his soft hair. Why did we have to end up like this? It would be much better if I have never found out about him cheating on me. I wish he would have lied to me more, feed me with those stupid lies which I was willing to trust.
I bend down and brush my lips against his forehead, leaving a kiss on it. Then I stand up and walk out of the room.
When I come back home Hyunjin is gone. He has school today so that's probably why he's not here. As always after a few hours spent at school, I take a break from studying to rest at least a bit. At first, I wash the dishes and do the laundry, then I lie down on the couch thinking about what should I do. Maybe I could call Jisung to tell him the news. Knowing how much he hates Hyunjin, he surely will be proud of me.
,,Hi!" Jisung's cheerful voice resounds from the phone.
,,Hi Jisungie!" I greet him back, copying the energy from him. ,,I was thinking if you don't want to meet up this week."
,,Depends on when. On Friday I have plans with hyung," his voice suddenly sounds somehow sad, apologizing.
,,That's absolutely fine, I have plans on Friday too. Maybe Thursday?" I wave it off even though he can't see it.
,,Thursday sounds good to me," Jisung agrees and we settle on the place and time.
,,Hi!" someone comes to Jisung's studio and by the voice, I am sure it's Changbin. After all, they work together so visiting each other is surely very easy. During my time at their place, Jisung told me that he gave Changbin a spare key to his studio so he could visit him anytime. And also maybe because Jisung's afraid that he will lose his key and needs to have one key safe.
,,Hello!" my friend answers. Not wanting to interrupt them, I decide to end the call.
,,Okay, I'll go Jisungie. See you on Thursday!" I say goodbye and in a few seconds the call is over.
Thursday comes quicker than I would have thought. I am excited to meet Jisung today so I can tell him what Hyunjin and I agreed on. Now it doesn't hurt at all. It was a shock at first but now it's pretty okay. We still have plenty of time, over 24 hours, to be together, so I stay calm. The less I see him, the more I know I did the right decision. I believed that he doesn't want us to break up so we would be together more, but it's not true. Everything is as it was before. Right now we are in the process of breaking up and to be honest, there is no difference between this and the time when we were dating so it doesn't even feel like we are splitting up. Or it didn't feel like we were together.
I am sitting at the café, waiting for Jisung to show up. He is 5 minutes late which is more than common in his case. I always tried to come earlier so he didn't have to wait for me but it didn't last me long to realize that he is late every time. So now I don't go earlier to our meetings, in fact, sometimes I come a few minutes later.
When Jisung finally shows up at the café, we greet each other with a hug and we order our drinks.
,,I am really sorry for being late. I swear I wanted to come on time and I even left the apartment but then I realized that I don't have my keys, so I had to call Changbin hyung to let me in. If he was about to stay in, I would not mind not having them but he wanted to go to work today and I am not sure whether he will be there when I come," Jisung apologizes at a fast pace. My brain almost freezes at the amount of words said in such a short time. Sometimes it's still hard for me to understand this language and Jisung didn't make it easy for me with this apology.
,,It's fine," a cheering smile spreads on my face.
,,I got so lucky to have such a good friend like you," he smiles back. The regret of not talking to Jisung for so long comes to me again. He is taking me as his best friend and I didn't even think about us as regular friends. Probably his mind never crossed the thought of us not being best friends anymore.
,,By the way, how did you and Changbin hyung get together? I really don't understand it because hyung is Hyunjin's friend and you hate him so I thought that you hate his friends too," I change the topic. Actually, I was wondering about this a lot after I found out that they are dating. Jisung hates Hyunjin a lot, I still don't know why, and he never liked his friends either so I really wanna know how is it possible that he got together with him.
,,Well, that's a long story. The first time I met him was at school but after his graduation, we met at the company where I started making music. He works there too so it was just a question of time when we would meet each other. I didn't know he has been working there though. If I had known I would have probably tried to avoid him," Jisung starts his long story. His eyes are shining with happiness so I let him talk about it for as long as he wants. The happy emotions are flowing out of him in massive waves. He is probably living the story in his head again from the very beginning, feeling everything like before. Thinking about my relationship, would I be happy if I talked about how we got together? I think yes. It was really beautiful but everything beautiful has to end one day.
,,So yeah. That's basically it," Jisung giggles when he ends his talking.
,,That's really nice. I am glad you went to him to apologize," I smile and his cheeks and ears turn slightly red. ,,But I need to tell you something."
,,Yeah, sure," he nods.
,,We are breaking up. Me and Hyunjin."
,,What? Why?" his eyes widen as the smile disappears from his face.
,,Is it enough if I say he hasn't changed since high school?"
,,He is still doing...that?" Jisung asks carefully as if he wasn't sure what I mean.
,,Yeah," I nod my head, then I look at my hands and back at him. You know, I am kinda ashamed of myself right now. I have to admit that I failed. I strongly believed that he would change because of me, that he would change for me. I was so confident that I can change him. Well, my confidence crashed because I wasn't able to do that. He hasn't changed a bit. My plans weren't fulfilled, not only a bit.
,,I am so sorry," Jisung puts his coffee on the table and he reaches out his hand. I take it and he squeezes it.
,,I guess my good wasn't good enough," I shrug my shoulders, smiling a little.
,,You will find someone better. Someone, for who your good will be enough," he tries to cheer me up.
,,I don't know if I'll ever be able to fall in love again after this. At first, I have to fall out of this one."
,,When are you breaking up?"
,,Tomorrow," I answer. ,,But I am not sad. At first, I cried because I couldn't imagine my life without him. Then I thought about it and found out that the pain isn't worth it."
,,You're right Felix. It isn't worth it," he squeezes my hand again, this time a little harder. ,,If you will need anything, a place to stay, a hug, or someone to talk to, call me, text me or come to our place. I am always here for you no matter what happens. You are my best friend and I love you."
,,Thank you," I half-whisper.
Friday. The day when my life will change in every way possible. The closer it is to midnight, the less I like the thought of breaking up. With every minute I am less sure that I want it. There were so many beautiful moments in our relationship that I will never forget. Yes, also a lot of bad things happened but do they really matter? There must be a reason why Hyunjin didn't break up with me until today. No, stop. He has been cheating on me for like a year and a half. I still love him though. Besides the fact that I am probably addicted to him by now, I love him and I don't care about what he has done. He is just a person and people make mistakes. Maybe I should try to talk to him about why he is doing something like that. But there is no time for talking. I should have thought about that earlier. Now it's too late.
I am nervous. What if my life won't get better? The thing is, that I need Hyunjin in my life. He is sweet, gentle, and caring when he is not cold at the moment. Do you remember the day when we agreed on our break up? He wasn't cold. He came to me and stroked my back, being all soft. Moments like that one make me unsure about splitting up. Everybody has the right to get mad at their partner in the relationship. What should I do?
I open my closet and take out some of my clothes, putting them on the bed. Right when I go to take some big bags to the cabinet in the living room, Hyunjin enters the apartment.
,,Hi," he appears in the doorframe between the hallway and living room. As always, he looks amazing.
,,Hi," I turn to him slightly surprised because of the greeting.
,,What are you doing?" Hyunjin asks as he is watching my every move.
,,Packing my stuff. You should do it too. Or do you want me to do it for you?" I offer myself to do it. He hasn't started yet, so he may need some help.
,,No, it's fine. Where will you go?" Hyunjin comes closer to me.
,,Probably to Jisung's place. At least for a while. Then? I may leave to Australia and continue in my studies there," I answer truthfully.
,,I didn't call the owner of the apartment yet," Hyunjin changes the topic.
,,Should I do it?" I look him in the eyes, then quickly break the eye contact. I can't even look him in the eyes without thinking about how much I love him.
Hyunjin takes a few more steps, standing very close to me. I want to pass by him but he gently grips my forearm. If I wanted, I would be able to leave easily.
He brushes my blond hair away from my eyes with his fingers, letting go of my arm. Oh god, why did we have to end up like this?
His lips press against my forehead and I close my eyes. I don't push him away. I just gently grasp his big hands in my small ones. The kiss is so soft that my heart aches. When I open my eyes I realize there are no marks on his neck. Hyunjin pulls away. His scent isn't that intense anymore but I can still smell it.
,,Last one?" he asks and I exactly know what he's talking about. I nod in agreement and Hyunjin connects our lips right away. My arms wrap around his neck automatically and I jump to wrap my legs around his waist. Hyunjin's hands lend on my ass, squeezing it a bit which makes me moan quietly in the kiss. He takes me to our bedroom where he lies me on the bed, pushing my clothes to the side until they fall on the floor. His lips get to my jaw and he sucks on the skin slightly but not enough to leave any marks. I can't say the same about my neck, I am sure it will be full of purple bruises tomorrow. While he is marking my skin with his soft lips which feel so good on me, his fingers unbutton and then unzip my pants. He pulls them down a bit, not even to my midthighs, just so my underwear can be seen. My dick has already created a small tent in my boxers. I moan loudly when he puts his hand on my clothed cock, rubbing it with his warm palm.
,,You have no idea how much I missed my kitten," Hyunjin places his hands on each side of my head, his sharp eyes looking straight into mine which are full of lust. He grinds his cock against mine, earning another moan from me.
,,Kitten didn't miss his daddy?" his fist hits the bed next to my head. The action startles me.
,,K-Kitten m-missed his d-daddy too," I stutter out. Hyunjin takes my underwear off together with my pants, my cock springs out hitting my belly. The head is light red and a little precum is already leaking out. Let me remind you that it is just because of Hyunjin's lips and the sucking on my skin. I am really horny and needy now. It's been a while since something like this happened between us and my body reacts quickly to everything he does.
Hyunjin collects the precum on his finger, the touch makes me roll my eyes to the back of my skull. He licks it off and kisses me, giving me a chance to taste myself. His tongue traces my bottom lip and I open my mouth. He pushes his muscle inside of it and then he sucks on my tongue. Hyunjin's strong hands grip my thighs firmly and I gasp into his mouth. Hyunjin pulls away and before I can do anything, he shoves three fingers in my mouth. Knowing what I am supposed to do, I suck and swirl my tongue around it, leaving them perfectly wet.
,,You really are daddy's slut," Hyunjin chuckles and takes his fingers out. He licks it too, replacing my saliva with his. Without any warning, he thrusts one finger inside of my tight hole. I throw my head back as the burning feeling spreads. I can feel my hole clench around it and unsuccessfully try to force it out. When the burning changes into sensation, Hyunjin adds the second finger and later the third one. His digits are playing with my prostate, once in a while, they brush against it which always sends me to heaven for a few seconds.
After he is done preparing me for the real thing, Hyunjin completely undresses and also takes my shirt off. He hovers over me, his naked skin touching mine. How much did I miss this feeling.
,,Shit, I forgot a c-"
,,No, please no. I want you without it. Kitten wants his daddy to fill him up with his cum until it leaks out," I beg like the good boy I am. Hyunjin kisses me and opens my legs wider. He grabs his cock and spreads the leaking precum all over it. Then he pulls away, a string of saliva connecting us after the hungry kiss. Hyunjin puts saliva on my hole instead of lube. He grabs my hands and intertwines our fingers. We make eye contact and he smiles at me. Then he bucks his hips and pushes the head inside. A painful moan leaves my mouth at the feeling of fullness. Fuck, and this is just the start of his big cock.
When he slides deeper, I bite my bottom lip, tasting my blood. Hyunjin creates marks on my collar bones, chest, ribs, and tummy. My whole body is full of it already and I wish they stayed there forever.
,,I-Is it all i-in already?" I cry out as tears run down my face from the long-time unexperienced fullness.
,,Just a little more kitten," Hyunjin thrusts again, pushing his cock deeper. I yelp in pain as I grip his hands tighter.
,,Are you a good kitten? Can you take whole daddy's cock?" he talks to me and I nod abruptly.
,,Y-Yes daddy, kitten c-can take it," I answer and Hyunjin kisses my lips, which becomes lustful making out very soon.
After a few painful minutes, when Hyunjin is completely in, he starts thrusting in and out slowly, trying not to hurt me. My hole is so full and I love the feeling. The stretching is still burning but this is the best pain I have ever experienced.
Hyunjin's thrusts are faster with almost every move he makes towards my hole and my body just can't take it. I am literally drooling as my mouth is still open because of the loud moaning. Our neighbors can probably hear me but I can't care less. This is the last time they can hear something like this because none of us will be here after tomorrow. At least they won't forget about us.
Hyunjin sticks his tongue out and licks away the drool that is coming from my mouth. He lets go of my hands and puts them on my waist, it might bruise later from the strong hold. I put my hands on his back and even though my nails I short, I dig them into his skin, making long red scratches all over it. Hyunjin moans from the pain I am causing him.
This is the very first time when the pain completely changes into pleasure.
,,I'm gonna cum," Hyunjin speaks up when his cock twitches in me.
,,M-Me too," I say between moans. My belly is full of precum as it's still leaking from my cock like crazy. At this moment I realize that he will never call me kitten again. After this one time, I won't be his kitten anymore. No, that can't happen. We can't break up.
,,We are gonna do it together, okay?" his thrusts became sloppy. A high-pitched moan leaves my mouth as he bites my shoulder. I feel like cumming. Fuck, I can't cum because if I do, it will be the end of everything.
With my shaky hand, I grab my wet cock and stop it from the unwanted action by covering the tip with my thumb. A new, sadness mixed with pleasure tears start running down my cheeks.
,,Felix? What are you doing?" Hyunjin's beautiful eyes widen as he gives me a confused look. He is looking at me, then at my cock firmly gripped in my hand and then again at me.
,,Let's cum together as always, okay kitten?" his gentle hand caresses my wet cheek, drying the tears. I shake my head in disagreement. He stops his movements with his hips as he looks at me.
,,We are gonna cum," Hyunjin orders and grabs my hand trying to pull it away from my cock. I refuse to let go. More tears leave my eyes making my cheeks wet once again.
,,Felix!" he looks me in the eyes, his glance is sharp. ,,If you don't cum with me, I'll leave you without cumming."
,,I-I can't" I say with a shaky voice. He puts his hands on the sides of my head.
,,Why?" he thrusts in me, hitting my prostate hard. Another high-pitched moan escapes from me.
,,B-Because if I-I cum you'll l-leave me," I sob out. Suddenly he grabs my hands and pins them above my blond hair. I try hard to release them from his grip but it won't help. He starts thrusting, going in and out making sure to always hit my prostate.
,,Please," I cry out as I close my eyes tight. And even though I don't want to, even though I try my best, I end up cumming hard on my stomach while Hyunjin's cum fills me up. Tears are running down my cheeks quietly as I lay on the bed completely exhausted. So this is it. This is how it ends.
Hyunjin rides down our orgasms and then he pulls out. He lies next to me, calming down his breathing. His cum is leaking out of me but I am too tired to care right now.
After a while, Hyunjin takes me to the bathroom where he cleans both of us up. When my exhausted body touches the soft mattress again, as quickly as I can I snuggle up to him. I know I can't fall asleep, knowing what would it mean for us.
,,Tell me you hate me Felix," Hyunjin speaks up breaking the silence.
,,I don't. Don't know how," I respond without any hesitation. He stays silent. I don't understand why he would want me to hate him. Sure, there is a lot of reasons why I should hate him but it's not possible for me. I love him way too much and I am able to forgive him anything.
,,Good night babyboy. Sleep well," he kisses the top of my head. I am trying to stay up to stop him if he wants to leave but I lose the fight against the sleepiness. Until the last minute, I believe that the winter ends.
I fall asleep in his arms inhaling his beautiful scent for the last time before everything between us ends.
I come back to my senses a good few hours later. The room is already full of light, but because it's not so hot in it, I know it's still early. I don't understand who made a bedroom from a room, that is turned east, so the sun is shining in it every morning.
In an attempt to fall asleep again, I roll on the big bed, finding a new better position. The bed is pleasantly cold, which makes me even more comfortable. Hold on. The bed is cold?
My eyes open right when I realize that there is no one in the bed except for me. I look around the room just to find out that I am alone in it. The tiredness being relevant, I jump on my feet and run out of the bedroom not caring about the pain in my ass.
I run around the whole apartment but besides me, there is not a single soul. Hyunjin left. And he is not coming back because today is Saturday. He will come to take his stuff and I think it will be during the time I'm gonna be at school, so he wouldn't meet me.
Our deal was fulfilled. Since midnight, we are not together anymore. No. No. This couldn't have really happened. I deny it. I shouldn't have fallen asleep. It's my fault. I'm the one who fucked up. I shouldn't have let him go. I should have stopped him.
My heart hurts at the thought that he is really gone. I hoped he would stay. This is the worst pain in my life. Yes, it hurt to realize that he had been cheating on me but knowing that we split up hurts even more. Because back then I knew that he is mine and I am his. And maybe he wasn't reliable but his presence had always made me somehow calm. It won't happen anymore. From today, Hyunjin becomes just a memory.
Now all I have is a broken heart.
My body collapses on the couch in the living room as I am crying from pain. My chest feels empty and my heart, which is still so full of love for Hyunjin, is painfully bleeding bitter blood. I wanna scream but no sound comes out. I wanna break something so my heart isn't the only broken thing but everything is out of my reach.
And in this state, I fall asleep again.
When I wake up, the room is hot already. It has to be late. My eyes hurt from crying and my body feels way too warm, so I kick the quilt to the side. Suddenly a wave of coldness runs through me but I can't complain. I stretch out my arms and legs as I yawn. A weird smell hits my nose which makes me lazily stand up and leave the bedroom. What are the neighbors cooking that I can smell it from here?
I follow the sweet smell and surprisingly it leads me to the closed door of our kitchen. Probably Jisung came here so I wouldn't be alone. I told him about everything after all so he knew it would be hard for me and him being the good friend he is, he came to keep me some company and then to take me to their place.
My hand reaches out for the door handle and I push the door open. There is a male standing at the stove, his blond hair is just above his shoulders. When I appear in the doorframe, he turns his face to me.
,,Good morning cupcake. Made you breakfast," Hyunjin smiles at me. I am looking at him like I am seeing a ghost, the shock has to be visible in my eyes.
,,You hate sweet breakfast," I remind him as I look at the pancakes on the plate set on the table. Next to it, in a glass vase is a bouquet of light pink tulips.
This can't be Hyunjin. Firstly, we broke up and he left me. Secondly, he would have never made sweet breakfast because, as I got to know, he doesn't like it.
,,But I love you," he approaches me and kisses my cheek. Then he quickly returns to the stove, turns it off and leans against the counter.
,,What are you doing here?" I ask him.
,,I live here?" he answers with a question. But he has a point. I have to admit that.
Hyunjin puts everything he used in the sink and then comes to me, holding my always cold hands. He presses gentle kisses all over my palms. This sight is so beautiful that I don't believe something like this is happening.
,,Then where were you in the morning?"
,,I went to buy some groceries and when I came back, I found you on the couch so I took you to the bed," Hyunjin responds still holding my hands in his. His hands are warm as always.
,,Thank you," I half-whisper. We are looking into each other's eyes for a few seconds. Okay, it's longer than just a few seconds but to me it seems like a very short time.
,,Felix I..." Hyunjin speaks up as the first one and he also breaks eye contact when he looks at the floor.
,,I wanna apologize. I know it is not enough for everything I had done but I promise, no, I swear I'll change. Just don't leave me. During these few days when we were basically breaking up, I couldn't stop thinking about you. About the fact that you will leave me and be happy with someone else. I want you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me. I want you to be mine and me to be yours. I realized I still love you and that I had forgotten about it. So right here and right now I swear to you that if you forgive me, you won't regret it," his eyes find mine again. His gaze is loving, I already forgot how it looks. It's been a while since he was like this towards me. Finally, the coldness is away and I don't have to deal with it anymore. It was replaced with the realization of his own acts, evaluating them being bad.
,,There is nothing I want more Hyunjinie. I forgave you a long time ago," I answer and he takes me into his warm embrace. I close my eyes, inhaling his beautiful gentle scent. His arms are burning my skin through the tshirt around my waist, but I don't pull away. My arms are around his neck as my face is buried in the crook of his neck.
,,Can I kiss you baby?" Hyunjin asks me when he manages to pull away from me. I nod abruptly and at first, he just gently pecks my lips, then connects them completely. It would not be us, if it didn't turn into making out, the kiss tasting sweet, even sweeter than our first one. His hands are holding my hips, while mine are gripping the muscles on his arms. Our tongues are dancing together a bit and then he pushes his muscle into my mouth, exploring it. Hyunjin picks me up and seats me on the counter, spreading my legs in the process. He starts rubbing my inner thighs and I groan.
Who knows what would happen and where we would end if my empty stomach didn't start growling right when Hyunjin gets to my neck, marking me as his. Both of us laugh at the sound. Maybe it destroyed our romantic session but I don't regret it. It's been a while since we had laughed together. Actually, I haven't heard Hyunjin laugh for a very long time, so I really enjoy it.
,,I think it's time for breakfast," Hyunjin pats my knee and I jump down from the counter. We sit at the table.
,,It's really good," I praise him before taking another bite.
,,Your recipe," he turns to the shelf with cooking books and my notebook with recipes. Before I left to Korea, I had rewritten my mum's recipes in my notebook, so I could cook for myself while being gone. By now, I know most of them by heart.
Our first breakfast together is interrupted by the bell ringing.
,,I go," Hyunjin stands up and leaves the kitchen. I want to continue eating peacefully but I am still listening well to what is happening in the hallway.
,,What are you doing here? Where is Felix?" a familiar voice sounds through the apartment. Jisung.
I quickly put everything down and make my way to the front door.
,,Hi!" I greet him, he looks at me, his eyes are big from the confusion.
,,Hi," he greets me back. ,,What is he doing here?" Jisung points his finger at Hyunjin.
,,I'll leave you alone," says Hyunjin and he leaves to our bedroom.
,,We did not break up," I whisper so Hyunjin can't hear us. I know he closed the door behind him to give us more privacy, but I don't wanna take another risk in this finally recovering relationship.
,,What?!" Jisung yells and I cover his mouth with my hand. He nods and takes my hand off.
,,What?" he repeats himself, this time quieter. ,,Are you stupid Felix? Break up with him! He is a player! End the pain already!" Jisung whisper yells at me.
,,But... I still love him Jisungie," I shrug my shoulders.
,,I know. But it will be okay. You have me, you have Seungmin, Jeongin and even Changbin hyung. We can help you. It will hurt but it really will be fine," his hand rests on my shoulder as he is trying to persuade me. I know what he thinks but I also know that Hyunjin wasn't joking about his change.
,,He promised to change and I really believe him. He regretted everything and I am sure he was serious. Please, trust him at least for once," I beg him.
,,I trusted him more than anyone could imagine. I trusted him that he would change because of you, I trusted him that he wouldn't hurt you. And what was it good for?" a small smile of regret appears on his face.
,,Jisungie I feel he loves me. Please, don't make me push him away."
,,Okay," he nods at the end. ,,But if he hurts you, you know what to do."
,,Yeah, not to come to you because you told me and I did not listen," I roll my eyes.
,,No! What kind of friend do you think I am?!" Jisung playfully shakes his head trying to act offended. ,,Come to me. Because I will be here for you no matter what," he hugs me and I hug him back immediately.
,,Thank you."
,,Are you sure you don't need me here?" he asks when he is ready to leave.
,,No. I can manage," I answer and shortly after he leaves. A sigh escapes from me as I go to our bedroom. I push the door open, revealing Hyunjin lying on the bed, facing the opposite side. His body is slightly shaking which makes me concerned.
,,Hyunjinie?" I sit next to him, rubbing his back. He doesn't respond, just quiet sniffles can be heard from him.
,,Baby why are you crying?" I try to pull him closer to me, but he resists, making it harder for me. ,,Please talk to me Hyunie," I run my hand through his soft blond hair.
,,I-I really want to change," he speaks between crying. Jisung's words had to hurt him. I don't wanna blame Jisung, he didn't know about us staying together, but to be honest, to me it feels as if he was looking down on Hyunjin a little. I get it, he hates him, but I don't think he is aware of Hyunjin being a simple person with feelings. Jisung doesn't care if he hurts Hyunjin and that's probably because Hyunjin hurt me.
,,I know," I lean my back against the headboard of the bed. ,,Come here," I pat my thighs and Hyunjin lies his head on them. My fingers start automatically playing with his hair, rubbing it and making braids which I ravel right after. I have two sisters so I know how to do it.
,,C-Can I tell you something?" Hyunjin asks doubtfully.
,,Of course. What is it?" I ask while making another braid.
,,You have to promise me you won't leave me," he says. Gosh, what does he want to tell me? He probably knows I won't like it, but he has to make himself sure that I won't change my mind. What he doesn't know is, that he can tell me anything and I won't leave him. The love I feel towards him is bigger than any other feeling.
,,I promise," I say without any hesitation. We make pinkie promise and he sighs heavily.
,,Do you remember the time you asked me why I had chosen you?"
,,Yes," I respond.
,,What did I tell you?"
,,That you wanted to get my attention because you liked me so you wrote my name with yours in the biology for the project. Or something like that," I reach out my hand and grab the hair tie that is placed on Hyunjin's nightstand.
,,I lied to you and I am really sorry," fresh tears fall on his cheeks and I quickly wipe them dry with the sleeve of my tshirt.
,,How was it then?" I stroke his smooth cheek with my finger.
,,I just-" a cry cuts him off. I kiss his shoulder, whispering to him how much I love him.
,,I just wanted to prove to myself that I can take the virginity away from such a pure person," Hyunjin finishes when he calms down a bit. His words surprise me but less than I would expect. Somehow it doesn't matter to me. Just realize the fact, that he started playing with me but ended up falling in love. Isn't it cute?
,,Or do you remember the time I told you Jisung threatened me?"
,,I do," I say as the memory from the high school cafeteria appears in my head. That was the reason why I stopped talking to him.
,,It was a lie. I knew Jisung was your very good friend who, sadly, hated me. And I was aware of the fact that he would try to split us up because he had known from the beginning what type of person I had been. So I needed to get him out of my way," Hyunjin confesses another lie he told me. This one hurts me more. I had stopped contacting my best friend because of it. I remember I didn't let him say one proper sentence that day. It might be almost two years after the incident, but I will have to apologize to Jisung.
Is Hyunjin going to confess all of his lies? If yes, I let him. I am sure I can take it and if he feels like he wants to do it, I won't stop him. But if he stops talking about it, I won't blame him. It has to be hard to confess such things to a person you love.
,,How come Jisung had known so much about you?" I ask somehow suspiciously. I am really sorry, but I don't get it. How could have Jisung known so much? What was the reason Jisung had started hating Hyunjin?
,,He was just smart I guess," Hyunjin shrugs his shoulders.
,,Yeah. Jisung is really smart. Maybe not in chemistry or maths, but he is," I agree with him. Jisung's grades in chemistry and maths had never been amazing, but he's quick-witted. And, obviously, a beautiful pair of eyes can't trick him.
,,You're right. Anyways. Do you remember the first party you went to?" he changes the topic.
,,Of course. It was terrible and after that experience until this day I refuse to go to any party. Minho hyung saved me. By the way, how is he doing? I haven't seen him since then."
,,That was the first time I cheated on you. He sent me to hell back then because he saw it," Hyunjin confesses again. So that's why Minho yelled that. I remember how terrified I was after those words. But when I looked the same direction, Hyunjin had to be gone. If he was standing there, I would have noticed him.
,,And he's doing fine, don't worry," in the end, he answers my question.
,,I know you cheated on me. You had a hickey on your neck when I saw you in school after the party. And even though I tried to convince myself that the things you told me were true, it didn't work at all."
,,I am really sorry," he sits up. His eyes are red from crying, tears streaming down his face again.
,,And I am sorry I didn't take care of you when you were sick. And that I didn't help you buy groceries, wasn't thankful for the food you prepared for me, let you clean the whole apartment alone until your whole body hurt-"
,,Stop Hyunjinie," I rub his cheek again.
,,Please break up with me. I can't do it, I can't hurt you again. But I can't look at you. And I can't look at myself either because I know I am a monster. I told you I am but you didn't trust me."
,,You're not a monster. Baby, let's forget those ugly moments. I don't wanna think about it anymore. And to break up with you? No. Please make me happy like I had been in the beginning," I hug him and he hugs me around my waist. He lies his head on my shoulder, crying in my shirt. I am stroking his back, letting him let it all out.
In the end, still hugging each other tight, we lie down on the bed and soon after both of us fall asleep.
-1 year later-
You definitely won't believe me but impossible became possible. Hyunjin and Jisung do not hate each other. They are not friends yet, but I think the friendship will come anytime soon. One day Jisung called me and asked if we don't wanna go out with him and Changbin. They had found an amazing café and they wanted to show us. I am not gonna lie, I got a bit confused, so I asked why was he talking about us and not just about me. He responded that he wants Hyunjin to come too because it didn't seem right to him to hate someone his best friend loves and he wanted to get to know him better. Hyunjin didn't agree at first. Not because he hated Jisung but because he was somehow scared of him. He thought that Jisung would bring back everything he had done in the past. In the end, I managed to persuade him and when we met Jisung, he shook his hand with Hyunjin. It surely wasn't a gesture showing friendship but it surprised not just me but also Hyunjin. He was quiet and spoke up just when someone, it was usually Jisung, asked him about his opinion. I really saw there that Jisung tried to make their relationship better. And since then, things are getting just better and better.
,,Bye!" I wave at Jisung and Changbin, who are probably heading home.
,,Do you wanna stay outside for a bit longer? You know, just with me," Hyunjin asks me.
,,Yeah, why not," I smile as he holds my hand.
,,I love you so much baby," he kisses my cheek.
,,I love you too," I stop and hug him around his waist. He wraps his hands around my neck, which makes me feel safe.
,,You look stunning," Hyunjin compliments me and I blush. I have to say that our relationship has gotten much better. Of course, we argue too, but since that one time, we have never thought about breaking up again.
We walk to the park together. It's spring and everything is blooming. The sight makes me feel happy and while knowing that Hyunjin is by my side I feel strong.
,,Isn't it beautiful in here?" Hyunjin hands me a flower.
,,Yes, it is," I take it from him and look around. The sun is setting, making everything even more romantic.
,,I love you so much Felix. You made me fall in love with you while all I wanted was to play with that beautiful heart of yours. I had never thought someone would be able to do that. I hadn't believed in love before but it changed because you taught me how to love. You showed it to me and taught me even though you probably don't know about it. When I saw how much you love me it made me wonder if I am able to do it too. You actually made me feel loved. I really felt how much you loved me from the very beginning. At first, I tried to resist it but then I couldn't do it anymore. I fell in love with you. After some time, this world's temptations and the wants of my own body and mind got me again. And I hated myself for that but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself from everything bad I had been doing. I tried to be cold, so you would break up with me, but you never did. To be honest, since this day I have no idea why. And when we finally agreed on the break up, I started being afraid that you would love someone else. I hated that thought because I didn't want to lose the love you gave me, even though I didn't give you back anything. The feeling that someone truly loved me for the first time in my life felt just... just too good and it's really addicting. It felt as if the love I had for you suddenly came back. That's what made me stay. I told myself that I can change for you. That I can make it work between us. If I haven't done any right decision in my life, this was surely the first one. Until today, there wasn't a second I would regret it. I love you Felix so much and I can't even express by words everything I want to tell you," Hyunjin says while looking into my eyes and I tear up at those words. This was the most beautiful confession I have ever heard. Whenever I saw something like this in a movie, I thought it wasn't possible to happen in real life. But this confession was said by my boyfriend to me. And no movie can compare to that.
Hyunjin kneels down on one knee, taking out a small box from his pocket, opening it in the process. It exposes a beautiful ring. My eyes widen as I look at Hyunjin not believing that this is not a joke.
,,Felix Yongbok Lee, will you marry me?"
~The end~