Underline = English
April 30th, 2014:
After speaking with me for a bit, Namjoon went back to sleep. I, however, remained awake nearly the whole night, maybe sleeping an hour before waking up from a nightmare sweating after having fallen from my chair. As the sun came up and the time on the stove hit 6am, I thought it was acceptable for me to start exploring the residence. There was a room upstairs, a room off the main living area and two bathrooms. Otherwise, the long, living area we had come into last night was the only other room.
I could feel and hear my stomach grumble. I had only really eaten my breakfast and the pretzels yesterday and I was feeling it. I go through the cupboards and find the normal dishes and some dry food. I open the fridge and find more food. I was glad they at least stocked up before our arrival. I grab a bowl and the cereal. I then get the milk and start eating looking over at the boys passed out on the bunk beds which put a small smile on my face.
As I was washing my bowl, the door opens and three men walk in loudly. I quickly put the bowl down and go behind the stairs to where they wouldn't see me, or at least not immediately. I thought it was the three men from last night, they did say they would be back before leaving.
I see them greet the boys and the boys seem relaxed enough, but I still couldn't quite make out if they were the same people or not.
"Where's Y/N?" I hear Namjoon ask, "Y/N?"
"Y/N!" Jungkook yells walking towards the kitchen.
"Who's Y/N?" One of the men asks.
"Our 8th member," Namjoon explains, "she slept somewhere else".
"Oh, it's a she, I see," another says slightly flirtatiously.
"I'm here," I reveal myself, "I was exploring, sorry".
I stick my hand out to the men as I reach everyone.
"Hello, I'm Y/N," I introduce myself, "I'm the youngest of the group".
They each introduce themselves. The tall one was Tony, the one with the sunglasses was Nate, and the chubbier one was Dante.
We sat down for a more formal introduction. They then ran through the explanations of our time here. We wouldn't be sleeping a lot, big surprise. We would have to listen to them, obviously. And since there would be competitions, there had to be winners and losers. We all came from Asian backgrounds, we knew about the ins and out of competitions and the consequences of winning and losing all too well.
We were then introduced to our main mentor for the beginning of our stay, rapper Coolio. He was the artist behind the 90s hit song Gangsta's Paradise. Safe to say, he hadn't impressed me much in the beginning. He walked in, asked if we spoke English, and then threw questions about hip-hop at us, in English after learning most of us didn't speak the language. Given my recent introduction to the hip-hop world, I couldn't answer any of his questions, in fact, neither could most of the group. When V asked him if we would party Coolio told him to do 25 push-ups. I mean come on, he doesn't speak English and isn't from the US, he should have let him off the hook. However, I could tell the more time he spent with us, the more he was loosening up and became slightly less hostile.
After watching our performance of No More Dream, Coolio placed us into three teams. Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok in one team, Taehyung and Namjoon in another, and Yoongi, Seokjin and I in the final one. He gave us the assignment of going around to our neighbours and showing them a performance we made, and after they would have to choose a winner.
Yoongi thought we could do a performance to the song Fight the Power by Public Enemy. The song was important to hip-hop's history and was well known. Our performance was basic, but it was still a solid dance we could all perform and remember. On top of that, our dancing standards were much higher than that of Americans and I was pretty sure our neighbours would still be impressed. Nevertheless, we still practiced well into the night, after dinner, to show them, and Coolio, a good performance.
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That night, as we were eating dinner the managers and Mnet staff were preparing to leave. Before they could, however, Namjoon asked them if they could talk with the group. They were confused as to why, but agreed.
We sat around the living room area. Sejin, Hobeom, and Beomsoo represented the managers, Yoona hadn't come since she wasn't technically a fully-fledged manager. The two main producers and a writer were there representing Mnet.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" asks the writer.
"Why did you plan that prank last night?" I blurt, obviously upset, "what was the train of thought behind it... why?"
The Mnet staff looked very offended at how brazen I was being, while the managers sighed, used to it by now.
"It was a funny prank that your fans will love to see, it's stuff like that that fans want to see," the producer explains, "not only is it funny, but it was a great introduction to the toughness of hip-hop".
"Funny? What part of that was funny?" I seethe, breathing heavily.
"Y/N, it's ok," Namjoon whispers beside me, patting my back, "I think what we're asking is why was it necessary for the prank to be that elaborate and... intense... given Y/N's past with such incidents".
The Mnet staff go silent, their mouths forming o's, as if only now were they realising the consequence of their prank.
"We didn't think it would affect any of you greatly," a producer defends themselves, "no one really knows much about what happened to Y/N and we did make sure there would be no physical contact".
"Well, there was, and it doesn't matter how much you're aware of what happened because our managers should have also known better," I say, turning my attention to our managers.
I was just as disappointed, if not more, in our managers because they did know what I had been through and yet still allowed for this prank to happen.
"Now listen here Y/N," Beomsoo is quick to defend himself, "this show is being paid by Mnet, they thought this would be a good start of the show and on paper, it looked fi-"
"You are not meant to be speaking to me like this," I interrupt, upset he was trying to weasel himself out by saying he wasn't aware it would affect me negatively.
"No, you're right," he smirks, "I'm not involved with anything to do with you, so how could it possibly be my fault".
I just wanted to push him right then and there, he was such a jerk. Why did he think my disappointment was directed at him specifically, I was mad at all the managers as a whole.
"We thought your issues pertaining to that event had been solved. We talked it over with Yoona and she said you we're getting sleep without nightmares and had made a breakthrough, so it seemed fine. And there were no sexual comments or actions made, we made sure of that," Sejin explains.
"Well, you failed because the man did touch me and I'm upset-" I start ranting again but Yoongi interrupts me.
"Trauma doesn't just go away," he interrupts, "just because she had a breakthrough, doesn't mean she's fixed forever. There are moments, like last night, that will naturally always bring her back to the incident".
"Look," the Mnet writer interjects, "we can't undo what has happened. We understand you're upset and recognise your anger. How about we all move on now".
"You obviously don't understand why I'm upset then," I retort, "yes, I can't undo what's happened, I can't forget what happened which is why I can't move on. That's why I'm upset the team didn't take that into account before going through with such an ill-thought-out prank".
"I don't want to speak badly of someone that is obviously going through... something," the producer stands up from his chair, "but this is no way to speak to us. Especially since we control what happens to this show. We apologise for whatever the prank caused you, but we," he says pointing to his staff and the rest of us, "all have to move on to make a successful a show. So let us know if there is anything concrete we can do to help you, otherwise, we are going to go eat dinner. See you tomorrow," he finishes grabbing his bag and walking out with the rest of the Mnet staff.
I was flabbergasted. If he thought I was being rude, what did that make him?
"Y/N, the managerial staff apologises for not taking your mental well-being into account, but as you have just seen, the producers are very one-minded and are the ones that really control this whole operation. We have to pick and choose what to object to as there is a limited amount we can control. We already used our veto power on another mission they wanted to do. We should have realised what the prank would do to you, however, and for that, I apologise on everyone's behalf," Sejin explains seriously.
All I do is nod, too upset to say anything. I didn't quite know what I was expecting out of this, but I knew it was more empathy than what I had received. People could really be so cold-hearted.
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May 1st, 2014:
We went around the neighbourhood and performed for 6 houses, even though we knocked on maybe 20. Of the 4 houses we performed for, only 2 voted for my group after I invoked the girl-code and the girl decided to choose me. Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok ended up winning and going to lunch with Coolio.
Yoongi, Seokjin, Taehyung, Namjoon, and I were left alone in the residence with our mentors as the others went to lunch at a fancy restaurant.
"Why don't we do a competition between ourselves and whoever loses has to serve the other team?" Nate suggests.
We all nod agreeing.
"We can do it through push-ups, whoever can do 20 the fastest wins," Nate says.
"Sounds good," I say.
"Who should represent our team?" Dante turns to Yoongi, Seokjin, and me.
We all look at each other knowingly.
"Well Y/N is the fittest," Seokjin suggests, "you should do it".
"Wait, we can't put a girl against one of them," Dante says.
I smirk, "just watch Dante. See what a girl can do," I say patting his back and cracking my neck.
"That's not fair!" shouts Namjoon, "you can't pick Y/N, she's practically a female Jimin or Jungkook".
All I do is smirk. They had decided to make Taehyung do it. We position ourselves to start.
"Wait wait," Dante interrupts before we can start, "you're letting her do it the women way right?"
"I don't need to do it that way," I say, "it's fairer for them if I do it the male way. Don't worry dude, you won't have to be serving anyone today".
"Are you really that confident?" Taehyung asks.
"There's a reason I work out so much, and it's to beat you guys," I say confidently winking, making Taehyung roll his eyes and then glare at me competitively.
"Ok, in 3... 2... 1... GO!" Nate shouts.
We both start doing push-ups and by the time I hit 8 push-ups, Taehyung was only at 7. I also noticed he was half-@ssing it, so I decided to stop doing full push-ups too. I reach 20 push-ups 2 seconds before Taehyung does and stand up, hands in the air stretched out in victory.
"See Dante, no need to worry. A girl can win," I say, half shoving his sexism in his face.
"Wow, that was impressive. Respect," he replies, mouth still open.
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I was sitting down in front of the camera to do an interview recapping our first few days in LA. As the other boys were deciding what we would do for dinner.
"What was your mood when you were kidnapped," the producer asks.
I bite my tongue, upset just thinking about it.
"I was scared," I half-lie. I wasn't scared of the prank, more of the specific moment at the end, "it wasn't something we were expecting. I was honestly more scared for the members since most of them really didn't understand what was going on because they didn't understand English".
"That's sweet," the writer says smiling.
"How was meeting the teachers for the first time the next day?" the producers keep asking their questions.
"At first I hid because I thought they were the three men from the kidnapping," I force myself to chuckle, "but when I saw the boys relaxed while being with them and after meeting them, I was excited. They're experienced artists in the industry, and I can't wait to learn from them," I explain.
"What was seeing Coolio for the 1st time like?" the producer asks.
"When I saw him come in, I wasn't sure who it was honestly, but when I realised it was Coolio I was in awe. I mean he's such a big name in the hip hop industry, Gangsta's Paradise is a classic, everyone knows it, so I was just honoured to be in the same room as him," I say. Honestly, I was surprised the show had been able to book a legend like him at all.
"What did you think of Coolio's performance?" the producer questions.
"I thought it was really cool," I answer, "I thought it really showed the true essence of hip-hop. The care-free swagger and confidence. It was watching a master perform his trade. It was a real honour to have such a private performance".
"Are you happy with the group he put you in for the missions?" the producer moves on to our group missions.
"Yes, I'd be happy if he put me in any group honestly. But I think it's nice being with Jin and Suga-oppa. They are the two eldest and they both know a lot. It's a group that ARMY probably haven't seen a lot, so I think it'll bring something new... Between Suga-oppa's rap and swag and Jin-oppa's confidence and vocals, I think I come in and balance things off a bit. I think we'll be a solid team that can compete with the others," I reply smiling confidently.
As I said, I would have been happy with any grouping, but I think this was one ARMY would find new and interesting. The only thing I was worried about was if there were to be any dance-intensive missions, then we were for sure going to be last.
After the interview, I joined the boys to eat what they had decided on for dinner, ramen. I only managed to eat half a cup before it was all gone. They did try to share, but I was just too slow for them. We then stayed up talking about the mission and our impression of Coolio.
I stayed up almost all night again. I had a mattress behind room dividers that the production staff had put up under the stairs and just lied there most of the night staring at the underneath of the steps trying to keep my mind off of my depressing thoughts. Tomorrow I had to find some blank paper, Ms.Song had helped me find out that drawing was a good emotional outlet for me. I thought if I drew before going to sleep I might be able to sleep better, or at least a little longer because if I didn't start sleeping, this was going to be a trying couple of weeks.
~2657 words~