Author's Note at the End :)
January 17th, 2014:
We performed at the Golden Disk Awards yesterday and even won the Best Rookie of the Year award. We were just as surprised as when we had won it previously. It really started feeling like all our hard work was paying off. Hopefully, with these awards, we would get more recognition and be able to release a full-length album soon.
While we practiced for the award shows, we were also finishing our new album for a comeback on February 12th. We had pretty much everything recorded, the photos taken, the choreo made, and the mv was being shot today and tomorrow.
This album was much more focused on love, and I was to be the center of it all. For the music video for Boy in Luv, which was the title track, I would be the girl the boys were chasing as written in the song. However, we had written so my lines, which were sprinkled throughout the song, would answer their questions on "why I was shaking up their hearts" or "why I kept teasing them" from the perspective of the girl. The answers were stereotypical, but meant to be interpreted sarcastically if one truly understood the song. Therefore, throughout the music video, I would not act all lovey dovy with the boys, but act like the stereotypical tough girl. We hoped the contrast between my actions in the music video and the lyrics would start people talking about how toxic the representation of love society gives high schoolers can be, for both girls and boys.
I was currently passed out in the makeup chair in the designated lounge area for the music video. Yoona was holding my head up as a makeup artist touched up my makeup and a hairstylist straightened my now red-dyed hair. I was suddenly awoken by a loud noise.
"Boys! You have to be more careful!" shouts Yoona, letting my head drop quickly, waking me up even more.
I slowly turn around to see Seokjin and Jungkook with their hands in front of them politely getting scolded by Yoona for making a makeup bag fall off a table because they were wrestling each other.
"I think you're finally done Y/N," my makeup artist says, dotting the brush one last time before stepping back to admire her work.
I tell you; these makeup artists are true magicians. She was able to turn a sleep-deprived mushroomed nose teenager into what one would expect an experienced, plastic surgery altered idol to be. True magic.
I get out of the chair and thank the artist, bowing, before leaving the room through the door Yoona had shooed Seokjin and Jungkook through. We were recording in a warehouse-like building in January, so everyone was wearing their big winter jackets, and some staff even hat hats and gloves. I, as the proud Canadian I was... was still wearing my winter jacket because I was only wearing a thin button-up shirt and a short skirt and therefore my legs were freezing, and my long jacket was my only protection against the cold.
"The beauty has awoken! Where is the prince that woke her up!" says Namjoon sarcastically.
"Over there," I mutter, still half-asleep, pointing to Jungkook and Seokjin that had restarted to wrestle outside the lounge. Namjoon laughs patting my head and as usual, I try to dodge it.
"Bangtan members! Please join me on the set!" the director shouts.
We all make our way to the first set we were filming in, an open space that had been made to look like a classroom, with the desks pushed to the back in front of the board.
"So, we will start the day with the choreography filming to get it over with for today, and in the afternoon, we'll start the acting portions of the music video," explains the director. We all nod.
We ran through the whole choreography a few times from different angles. It took 2 whole hours to film 3:50 minutes of choreography. I was already tired.
"Ok, now we will film the individual shoots! We'll start with Jin," shouts the director again.
I see Yoona walk towards me with my jacket, and I gladly run over to her.
"It's so cold, oh my god," I whisper, quickly wrapping myself in my jacket.
"Why don't you sit, and I'll get you a blanket?" Yoona suggests.
"Unnie, you're an angel," I say sitting down and bouncing my legs up and down to keep them warm.
As soon as she handed me a blanket, I wrapped it around my legs and retracted my hands into the sleeves of my jacket.
"And over here," Taehyung says to the behind-the-scenes camera, "we have the Canadian, braving the cold".
"Hey! You don't have to wear a tiny skirt and you can have a top under your button-up," I pout.
"Like I said, you're braving the cold," he grins. I roll my eyes and shove him away with my foot playfully.
The cameraperson walks closer to me and asks if I was nervous about this comeback.
"Um, I am because we're doing a new take on the high school love story and it's not something people would be expecting... and I'm nervous before every comeback, to be honest... but it's not that far off the theme of our past two albums and I'm sure ARMY will love and appreciate it," I reply smiling.
The cameraperson smiles and nods before moving on to find a new member to interview.
"Here," says Yoona handing me a banana.
"Oh, no I'm okay thanks. I shouldn't eat anything during the shoot," I reply.
"A banana won't make a difference Y/N," she retorts, making reference to how little I had been eating for the sake of my appearance for this comeback.
I knew Yoona was getting more and more worried about my eating habits. I barely ate over the past month. My diet consisted of an apple in the morning and a chicken salad roughly every night for dinner. On top of it all, I practiced the choreography every day and went to the gym roughly every two to three days. I had lost 16 pounds since December and gained quite a bit of muscle.
"Fine," I mutter annoyed. I knew she wouldn't let it go so I grabbed the banana and walked off, peeling it so she could see and wouldn't follow me to make sure I was eating it. I turned around and took a bite as I made eye contact with her, making her roll her eyes at how I was acting. I then walked behind the fake classroom wall where Jungkook, Hoseok, and Namjoon were standing.
"Banana anyone?" I ask.
"Oo, yes please!" Hoseok says reaching out to take the banana which I gladly hand him.
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We had finished the individual shoots of us singing our lines or acting for this part of the music video. We had now moved on to the acting parts in what staff had made look like a locker room. There was one scene where I was standing up against the wall and Yoongi was rapping his verse and another where Seokjin took me to go see the boys in the classroom. There was also a group one where we were all jostling each other in the hallway as Yoongi and Jungkook performed.
We ran through the group one first and it took much longer than expected. We kept running into each other or lockers as we tried to do our choreography in such a tight space. Jimin also messed with Yoongi by not letting him go when it was his turn to rap. The maknae line thought it was hilarious, safe to say Yoongi didn't.
We were now shooting the scene for Yoongi's rap verse.
"Y/N, you just have to stand there and be all cold and not interested, Yoongi and the camera will do the rest," the director says positioning me on the wall. I subconsciously tensed when he suddenly put his hands on my arms to position me where he wanted me to be, but remembered what my therapist and I had been working on and took a few deep breaths to relax.
The shooting starts well, and I shove Yoongi away, rejecting him, but he pushes me back on the wall and starts pointing to my body lower and lower, finishing with pointing up my skirt (as seen in the image above), as he says his line "the only thing I couldn't get is your...". I personally didn't like the line for what it insinuated, especially after stating he had "endurance", but it made sense in the story of toxic representation of love for high schoolers. The gestures Yoongi was making about my body, however, didn't sit well with me at all, especially after being reminded of my sexual assault.
I let the shoot continue before getting mad at Yoongi.
"Really Yoongi-oppa? Were those gestures really necessary?" I ask him annoyed.
"What?" he asks me, truly confused.
I do a rough copy of his gesture on him.
"I... Y/N, it works with the lyrics and the theme," he defends, but in an understanding tone.
"I don't care if it works, I don't like it," I say, upset, "I don't like what it shows. What it represents".
"Y/N, it's going to be ok," he quickly says hugging me, noticing how emotional I was getting.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, getting my emotions back under control, "it just really makes me uncomfortable, like sh*t".
"It's ok," he says letting go of the hug, "I know how hard this must be".
"Do you?" I question.
"Well, maybe not. But I understand it and I'm here for you," he corrects, "I won't do the gesture again".
I thank him and hug him one last time before we run through the scene again. Yoongi stands by what he said and doesn't repeat the gesture.
Immediately after the Yoongi scene, I shot the scene with Seokjin. He had to push me against the locker and while we made it look intense, he was super gentle every time. He apologized after every take and always made sure I was okay. I kept having to reassure him I was fine and reminded him that I too was acting, and the winces weren't real.
---------------------------------------------------
We finished the day with us throwing desks at the blackboard of our makeshift classroom and the vocal line serenading me individually, and me responding to them in return.
The throwing of desks had probably been my favourite part of the day. There was just something about angrily throwing desks at a wall that just made me feel good.
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We ended the shooting at 6pm and went right back to the Big Hit building to practice for our Seoul Music Awards performance. As we ran through it for the umpteenth time, I thought to myself that maybe I shouldn't have gone so hard when throwing the desks. My muscles were extremely tired and by the end of what would be our final run, my leg cramped, making it extremely painful for me to walk. Cramps were something we were used to, it happened a lot to us since we overworked ourselves a lot, but I had never had one quite this bad.
I try to walk it off, but quickly sit down from the pain.
"Y/N? What's wrong?" Hoseok asks as Namjoon goes to stop the music.
I start massaging my leg to try and get it to stop cramping as fast as possible.
"Just a cramp, sorry. It'll go away soon," I mutter, focusing on my leg.
"Here," Jungkook says bending down and massaging my leg with me.
"We should probably end here for tonight anyways," Hoseok says.
Everyone agrees and Namjoon and Yoongi go to the recording studio, Jimin says he'll practice for the individual shoots tomorrow a little before going to the dorm while Taehyung and Hoseok leave to go shower at their dorm. No one was overly worried about my cramp since it was something we all dealt with on a regular basis.
"Is it any better?" Jungkook asks me.
I try bending it and standing up and it was still painful.
"No," I reply, "I'll just walk it off. You can go home," I say, thinking he probably wanted to go shower and sleep in a real bed for once.
"Are you sure?" He asks, looking like he did want that shower, but he also didn't want to leave me if I was in pain.
"Yeah, yeah. It's just a cramp," I reassure him.
Jungkook nods slowly, acknowledging it wasn't anything too drastic and grabs his backpack before leaving for his dorm.
I walk a circle painfully for another 5 minutes and massage my leg for another 15 before my cramp starts to fade away.
"Wow, that was a bad one," Jimin says, packing up his stuff.
"Yeah, I think I went too hard when we threw all the desks and stuff," I laugh.
"It did feel really good though," he agrees, "want to walk with me to the bus stop?" he asks.
"No, it's okay," I'll sleep in the studio tonight. I have homework to do and I can't do it at my dorm since everyone else will be sleeping," I explain.
Jimin sighs, "ok... I saw Namjoon and Yoongi-hyung walk by, so you'll be alone..." he tries to convince me to home.
"That's ok, more peace," I chuckle.
"Okay," Jimin says accepting defeat, "as usual, text us if you need anything".
"You know it," I reply and Jimin smiles walking out the door.
I slowly get up and gingerly make my way to my locker to get out the mini shampoo and conditioner bottles I kept there in case I had to shower in the one shower this building had. Everyone avoided using it because it was absolutely disgusting, but I had to shower, and it was my only option. I also went into Jungkook's locker to get one of the towels he kept in there for when we practiced and got really sweaty. It was small, but it would have to do.
After my shower, I go to Yoongi's studio and pull out my math assignments and start trying to understand how the hell to solve them.
Author's Note:
I've tried to do an original take on the 8th member Boy in Luv and make it more... respectable? Like some parts of the MV disturb me a little a lot so I tried to make it more women respectful, or so it actually sends a good message instead.
~2376 words~