ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 10: 메모리-1 (ᴍᴇᴍᴏʟɪ-1)- ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ-1
"Wow! It's a dolphin!" Yi-Ahn exclaimed, eyes set on the sight before her.
A peaceful melodic breeze was blowing and a purple dolphin was playing alone in the purplish water.
She approached it and called, "Hey dolphin!"
It seemed to hear her as it stopped jumping and approached the sore facing her with curious as well as surprised eyes, trying to understand what business an eight years old kid might have with him. "I'm Lee Yian! What's your name?"
Before letting him answer she started talking again, "Wait, let me guess... You mightn't have any name." she was standing while his one hand was rested on her waist and another was on her jaw as if she was given the most difficult problem of the world and was trying to figure out what the solution may be.
Suddenly, her face beamed up as if just found out the solution, "What if I give you a name?"
"Well, let me think... Jasi? No, it somehow doesn't suit you. Ummm... I'm Yian, then you can be Yijun...? No, that's too common. Let's think of something exceptional." she was the one guessing all the names and declaiming it all. As if there were a self-argument of names.
"Bingo!" her clouded face beamed again finding the appropriate name for it.
"Rivik! How about Rivik?" and as her regular self, she started talking again before letting it reply as if his opinion doesn't matter anything, "Well, I kinda like this one. The name, it somehow reminds me of you."
Well, if she would've asked it then she would found out that he liked the name too. But it was unknown to her.
"Umm... Do you know, Rivik? Tomorrow is my birthday and Papa said that we would go see dolphins tomorrow. You'll be there too, right?" she giggled from ear to ear as the thought of meeting him again popped into her mind,
"See you there! I'll be waiting for you." For a little girl she was a bit too courageous provided that she wasn't afraid to stand deep to her knee despite the long waves of the sea.
"Let's be friends!" as the last ray of the sun reflected brightly on her face and then finally drowned into the sea it was her last word to him. And Rivik swam deep into the water and just jumped twice in agreement.
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"Hey, Rivik. How have you been?"
"Must be fun to be able to swim all day long in the ocean without any worry."
Just by her voice and tone- unlike the cheerful one of the other day- it was obvious that she was sad.
"Remember, I told you yesterday that today was my birthday?"
"I thought today was gonna be fun, but sadly, it wasn't." she sighed so deeply that it shook Rivik to think that she was only an eight years old kid.
"I spent a lot of my birthdays without Eomma since she is always busy. But, Papa promised that she'd be there for my birthday today. But look at me. I've been stuck in granny's home the whole day. I haven't seen them both the whole day. Isn't it unfair?"
"He promised me. He even said in the morning that he'd come to pick me up from the school and then we'd visit the aquarium with Eomma. So I waited. I waited and waited but he never came. In the end, Uncle Minhu came and took me to Granny's home. Not any aquarium. No one was waiting there for a surprise party and birthday cake. I was there alone the whole day. Waiting. But eomma or appa, neither came."
Looking down, she kept talking. Rivik had a feeling that she wasn't done yet. So, he didn't interrupt her or did any hasty movements.
"There was a sudden thunderstorm at noon and though I feared thunder, none came and stayed by my side. I shivered at the bed, alone."
After a while of silence, she finally looked up at him, "Why do you think everyone forgot about me?"
Tears were welling in her eyes.
"I'm glad that you're here," she whispered, sobbing.
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"Today Uncle Minhu took me home after two days. I haven't heard from Papa in the last two days. when I reached home, the first thing I saw was Papa sleeping on the sofa. It was frightening. Not because he was sleeping- it was his complex and position- the fact that Papa always insisted that sleeping is the day takes away one's lifespan didn't fail to appear in my mind as I approached him silently and sat across, staring while Uncle Minhu was trying to wake him up."
"Even the eight-year-old me knows something was wrong seeing Papa like that. But I didn't know what it was."
"Do you know how he looked?" Yi-Ahn finally looked at Rivik at this point.
Whenever she talked about her family, she looked down avoiding his gaze as if it was something hard to talk about. It was obvious that she was suffering and just longing for a listener to talk to. But then she'd ask him questions and even answer them on her own.
"He looked like the drunken guys of the street at night. His clothes and hair were messy and his face was pale. He looked somehow thinner and there was a dark spot under his eyes. It was the first time I've ever seen him like that."
"He didn't even look or talked to me like he used to do," her voice shook with this sentence and Rivik could see the violent tremble of his lips that were being tightly pressed together by her.
"H-he didn't smile..." Teardrops started to fall one after another.
"... ever again," and she broke into a crying mess with that. Hugging him tightly, she cried all the sadness out that she was holding inside her little chest.
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"Today I went to school after 9 days. Uncle Minhu dropped me off. Papa is different now. He doesn't talk much and he hasn't left home once. He didn't cook or eat much. I've been only eating take-outs these days. Surprisingly none asked me why I didn't come to school all these days. As if except me, everyone already knows the cause. The teachers' behavior was also exceptionally good if I didn't get it wrong."
"I was surprised and happy to see Papa after school. My homeroom teacher, Ms. Hong was there at that moment. She told Papa that she was sorry about Eomma and I stared at her. Trying to understand. What was she sorry for? Who would've ever expected the sudden death of the legendary young CEO? She said many things after that, but I couldn't hear any. Only her last sentence kept itself repeating in my head. 'Sudden death of the legendary young CEO', for a fact I knew she was talking about my Eomma. But..."
After a pause and intaking a deep breath and delivering a long sigh, she continued, "... but, it was hard to believe what I was hearing."
"The incidents of the last few days repeated automatically in my head and- and it all fit perfectly. Why Eomma was not here, why Papa was behaving that way- everything. I felt fluids running worn my cheeks and I heard Papa call for me when my legs were working on it's own- running- to God knows where. I heard him, but I didn't stop."
"My legs subconsciously took me to the park where I used to play with my mom. I hid myself inside the tunnel tube."
"Rivik, my mother was dead and I had to hear that from an outsider," She bit the insides of her cheeks, trying to hold back the tears.
"She died on the day of my birthday." Tears started to flow with her last sentence.
Rivik licked off the tears off her face trying to console her and rubbed his mouth and nose in the sides of her neck.
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"Rivikkkkkk" Yi-ahn screamed as she ran towards the water to her knee length, somehow sadness mixed in her voice. It was kinda weird, the fact that how one's cheerful voice sound when they are actually sad inside.
As she reached arm's length of Rivik, without any warning she suddenly stretched her hands and hugged it.
Rivik was surprised at the sudden action but didn't move away. Something inside him told him, it was okay and that she was harmless. And somehow he knew that she needed it, she needed someone beside her now.
He just stayed there, giving her the place she needed. Suddenly, something warm poured down his cold skin and it was nothing other than Yi-Ahn crying.
A while disguised as a century ended with her crying hopelessly as if it was the worst day of her life. Her little sobs that caused her chest to push up and down felt so lonely that even Rivik was shaken by them.
And as the disguised century ended, she for the first time peeked at him, still sobbing, " Y-you..."
Her voice cracked and she instantly cleared her throat, "Y-you'll leave m-me too, right?" it came almost as a whisper.
Rivik was silent like always.
"L-like everyone else, o-one day y-you'll leave m-me too?" she wiped off the tears from her cheeks but it was useless as finishing the sentence they went back to their past condition, soaked with salty water.
So, she was sad because someone left? Who was it that she was this much affected by it? Rivik wondered.
"J-just like E-eomma left me and..."
He knew that Yi-Ahn's mother died seven years ago and she was miserable at that time. But what happened now? Who left her again? As long as he knew all she had was that old grumpy granny and her frequent drunken father who cared less for her and she was always ready to make him happy like old days but failed each attempt.
"A..."
"...A-appa left me today, y-you'll leave me too. I-It must be a burden t-to be around me. E-everyone must feel p-pressured to hang with m-me. I-It must've been t-tiresome. I-I must've made them f-feel s-suffocated. T-that's probably why everyone left m-me." Tears never left her as she kept talking, shattering nonstop.
She sniffed and wiped the tears again clearing her throat for the second time, "I-I know, I-It's w-wrong of me to ask b-but c-can y-you p-please n-not l-leave?" she started hiccuping in the middle of the sentence, but still tried to finish her words as if it was her last.
"I-I am a-afraid. I-I don't w-wanna b-be l-lonely. I-I f-fear i-it m-more t-than a-anything. I-I'll do e-everything and I-I'll s-sacrifice e-everything t-to b-be f-friends w-with s-someone, a-anyone. S-so, I-I b-beg y-you, p-please..." She kept talking ignoring the hiccup and breathlessness, as a result, she was soon out of breath and that made her words stop in her throat and she tried to breathe with her open mouth and nose.
Rivik was observant. As more as he wanted to console the kid and tell her that he'll never leave her, words seem to lose him in the battle. Nothing would come out of him. Something inside him told him that she now needs company more than console.
So, he just did his job of a company instead of giving some silly consoling words.
Digging his mouth and nose in the crook of her neck he assured her his presence while Yi-Ahn shrived at the sudden touch but didn't take a while to hesitate before hugging him with her little hands, finding peace, finding love in that little touch.