Rei's heart lived in her throat since Sébastien's phone call. There had been more unspoken words than spoken ones. Angelo was dying. It was a trap and it wasn't. Gwen had no more control over life and death than Rei had.
Except that Gwen thought Rei did, that she could force Angelo to hold on a little longer. The temptation pulled at her chest so hard, Rei was sure that was the only thing that dragged her from the parking lot to the front doors of the hospital.
She didn't stop at the nurse's station. Before she gave herself over to the logistics, Rei led herself into the elevator up to Angelo's room. The sides of the box closed in on her, the sensation of rising exacerbating every feeling coursing through her body. There were too many to count, too many to process. Some of them were so courageously certain, others so desperately weak that Rei hated herself for feeling them.
There was still time to turn back, to leave the way she came in and call the hospital from the privacy of her Mercedes. Pull the plug. Go ahead. She did not need to be there to say she agreed. The doctors did not need her physical presence.
The elevator stopped, the doors sliding open, but Rei didn't move immediately. She didn't until the doors threatened to close again and she had to jab at the button to escape.
She stepped through like she had every day before the stupid fundraiser. Before the long, sobering ambulance ride from the university to the hospital, Rei hadn't dreaded inviting donors to her penthouse. It seemed manageable to put on her Collingwood smile for one night to cater to deep pockets in the name of her museum and her university. Angelo encouraged her. He had his assistant recommend her caterers and bartenders. He promised to do what he always did, what Rei's father had asked of him a long time ago: settle the difference between Rei and Cheng. Mediate their disagreements.
It would've been an unfair arrangement if Rei hadn't been so disinterested in Sundial. After all, she had Angelo's favor and Cheng only humored him knowing that in any major decision, should Rei and Cheng disagree on anything, Angelo would be the tie-breaker.
Facing Cheng was an easier pill to swallow when Rei knew Angelo would be there to ensure civility.
Then he collapsed at the Open House.
Rei reached for her throat, like she might find the memory high collar of her dress from that night there.
No matter how many times Rei came by, the beeping monitors did not change. His status did not change. No matter what she said or did, Angelo did not miraculously rise again.
When she found his room once more, there was no hopeful twist of fate. No treatments had been performed since the hospital called her. No experimental procedures with a 5% chance of bringing him back.
The room was quiet except for white noise of the equipment, electricity pulsing into life, into breathing machines and heart rate monitors. The roses and sunflowers on the side table appeared more alive than he did, and even they were snipped from their bushes to bring a shred of color to the stark white room.
Gwen.
Rei sunk into a chair, her heart sinking with her. For all their disagreements, their growing apart and colliding again, Rei couldn't make herself believe that Gwen wasn't hurt by this. She came, choosing to brighten up the hospital room for her own sanity, to give herself something to look at while she sat in the same chair Rei currently occupied. Grief was not Rei's to own, though she had been granted especial right to a brand of it. She had the authority to stop everything.
She reached for Angelo's too-cold hand, cupping it in both of hers. His face, drawn and sallow from the weeks without sunshine and expensive imported wines, was almost too difficult to look at.
It was time. Her heart ached for not accepting that sooner. She wanted to be the person that Angelo thought she was, the woman who could make decisions, the right decisions, when not everyone could have that strength. She wanted to be the kind of person Sébastien thought she was, too.
The tears stung in her eyes and she squeezed them shut, fighting off the water works. It wasn't supposed to come to this. In a different version, an alternate universe, he recovered and maybe it wasn't easy, but it gave Rei the chance to repay him for all the time he spent supporting her and pushing her toward her potential.
In that alternate universe, maybe Gwen returned to Temperance for a while, but she always went back to the catwalks and magazines shoots where she was more at home than she ever was in the city on the coast. Maybe Sundial collapsed under Cheng's watch when something finally gave in his grand scheme, probably pulling Rei, Angelo, and Sébastien all down with him.
Instead, Rei was handed a different deck, one dictated by a string of choices that were all hers. Give Angelo what he wanted. Doom her brother. Come to the hospital despite knowing that it meant seeing Gwen.
The tears slipped down her cheeks and Rei brushed them away in frustration.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, wanting to desperately believe that the nurses were right when they said that even the comatose could hear voices. She was sorry for it all, for disappearing and letting Angelo lie alone in the hospital bed. She was sorry for attempting to run from the responsibility he granted her, for not even considering the possibility that he could be right and she could, in fact, handle his passing gracefully and fairly. Did he know that dying would upset her universe the way it did, that it put a target squarely on her back?
Rei stood, taking a deep, shuddering breath.
"Goodbye."
She couldn't risk that chance that she might not have another opportunity. Rei had the power to interfere with the living will, but if she did nothing... Well... Rei briefly considered finding herself an alternative route out of the hospital, but the idea soured for two reasons: 1) Rei did not share Sebastian's building-climbing abilities and 2) it would return Rei into the state of cowardice she was attempting to shred.
Drawing herself up on shaky legs, Rei turned from the bed and left the room. She closed the door behind her slowly, as though the thud of it against the jamb would wake Angelo from his sleep. Nothing would. She was sure of that much, and yet...
"Hello, Rei."
Rei squeezed her eyes shut, drawing out the moment to give herself time to prepare. The entire way to the hospital, Rei played this conversation out in her mind, but Gwen was never that predictable. Rei could never accurately fill in the blanks where Gwen's dialogue would go.
"Gwen," Rei said, finally willing herself to look up. Her little black dress wasn't truly made for mourning, but it was the right colour. There was a sharp jab in her chest of all the things Gwen reminded her of. Gwen stealing the attention of every boy that even considered Rei, Gwen walking runways in Italy while Rei settled in Temperance, but also both of them getting Italian ices while on holiday, keeping each other entertained while their parents took care of their grown-up business.
It would be easier if Rei could just hate Gwen, but they were much too complex for a word as simple as hate. How could Rei hate Gwen for not being there when Angelo collapsed? How could she be upset when Gwen had, after all, put her schedule on hold to come back to Temperance?
Rei kept walking, unwilling to let Gwen stop her in her tracks. Stiletto heels clicked behind her, reverberating down the hallway. Arrows pointed in the direction of the nearest nurses' station.
"Is this an ambush?" Rei asked.
"That depends," Gwen said. "Why is it you that gets to make decisions, Rei?"
Rei pursed her lips. She would've appreciated a straightforward explanation from the source, but that wasn't in the cards for her.
"Because I live here and you hardly live anywhere," Rei replied. It was a sensible, logical answer, but not necessarily the reason Rei believed in.
"He is my father," Gwen said, "in case you forgot." As if Rei ever could. In so many ways, Angelo didn't belong to her. He was her friend, her confidant, her support system, but Gwen's claim was biological and undeniable.
"I know," Rei said. The nurses' station loomed in front of her and it was all too real. Half of her wanted Gwen to fight her, pull her hair, until Rei agreed to insist the life support stay running. Instead, the click of heels stopped abruptly and no one stopped Rei from confirming Angelo's wishes.
It was the right thing to do, so why did she feel like the husk of a person, leaning against the desk for support?
Rei turned, forcing herself steady despite how her legs wanted to give out from under her. Sheer willpower held her upright. Will power and the overwhelming desire to not break down crying that the desk.
"Why?" Gwen asked, blinking back the glassiness in her eyes. If she dared let them spill, her mascara would bleed. If her mascara bled, people might get the idea that Gwen could care.
Rei desperately wanted to take Gwen by the shoulders and tell her over and over, it was okay to be upset. It was okay to feel things. All Rei wanted in that moment was to undo everything she ever heard Gwen's mother tell her: don't be a diva. Gwen's father was going to die and the inevitability of that was worth a reaction.
Instead, Rei walked down the hall, following the arrows to the elevator. Gwen's shoes tapped harder against the linoleum and Rei pursed her lips, fighting not just for the answer, but the words that would make it softer.
"Because it's not fair to make him wait until we're ready to say goodbye," Rei said. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't melt into the wall or into the floor. There was no way to escape Gwen's disdain, so instead, Rei stood up a little taller.
"But why do you get to decide that it's time for everyone else to make due? Why do you get a say in who gets what? Who deserves what?" Gwen said. Rei resisted the urge to shrink. It had been so long since she'd seen a side of Gwen that didn't belong to the world. She remembered her friend who trusted only Rei to keep all her childhood secrets. No matter how graceful or elegant or flawless Gwen was, it didn't stop her parents from divorcing or remarrying or dying.
"You're allowed to cry, Gwen. You know that, right?" Rei said. If it hadn't been so long since they were friends, she might've touched Gwen, reached out a hand to comfort her. Couldn't they just mourn together? Did it really have to be a battle over who had more right to be devastated? For all the years Rei spent wanting to, she couldn't replace Gwen as Angelo's daughter. She never could. They couldn't swap families, no matter how many times Rei wanted to curse Gwen with two success-obsessed parents. Maybe Gwen could've thrived under a Collingwood roof, so controlled and exquisite.
Did they have to fight?
"Thank you so much for your permission," Gwen replied, "I hadn't realized my father granted you that right as well."
Rei paled. "Gwen..."
The elevator arrived, door sliding open. Rei stepped in, but it wasn't an escape when Gwen followed her. The door slid closed, trapping them together, alone.
"I've already called Cheng. I'm sure he misses you dearly," Gwen replied, "I think we have some similar concerns about the will. We can... discuss them as a group."
Rei stiffened. Oh no. A hopeful, naive part of her hadn't considered Gwen and Cheng joining forces against her. They never got along before, why start now?
Except, of course, Rei knew the answer to that.
"Oh, of course. How silly of me to think that could possibly wait a day," Rei replied.
"Maybe you should have thought of that before you killed him," Gwen snapped back. She looked up, very carefully brushing the tears out of her eyes before they spilled through her makeup.
Rei shut her eyes just to keep from crying herself. That wasn't fair. It was the stroke. The stroke killed him, it just did so slowly. The logical, reasonable side of Rei knew that was true, but it didn't stop Gwen's accusation from sinking into her soul.
"Cheng has graciously offered to pick us up after he's done visiting your... I don't know what you want to call him," Gwen said, "at this point, pawn seems appropriate."
"What are you talking about? What pawn?" Rei replied.
Gwen rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb. I know he was in your little hiding place. I found his glove there."
Rei didn't know it was possible for her heart to sink any lower until it did. Sébastien? She was talking about Sébastien? Rei's chest tightened.
"He's not my pawn," Rei managed in protest.
Behind all Gwen's quiet hatred, there was a hint of amusement and it made Rei sick.
"I'm sorry, what would you prefer?" Gwen did what Gwen was good at: asking the kind of question that made Rei squirm. There was no right answer, not when Gwen got some kind of smug satisfaction from having him already. There was definitely no right answer when Cheng would get to him before Rei had the chance.
Rei swallowed, holding Gwen's gaze.
The elevator pinged on their arrival to the main level. Gwen hooked her arm into Rei's as if they were still the best of friends, maybe comforting each other through their shared tragedy.
Numb, Rei let Gwen dragged her out of the elevator and toward the waiting room.
"And why exactly should I let you drag me into this conversation?" Rei asked. She was in the position where everyone appeared to want what she had and no one else had anything to offer her in return.
Gwen shrugged. "You know, I thought about this a lot while you were gone, but I think Cheng is really the one who found an elegant solution to that problem."
They didn't intend to bribe her at all. Bribery was far to juvenile. No, when her brother had already forgone bribery, blackmail, and extortion, what stopped them from crossing other boundaries?
Gwen didn't wait for Rei to speak.
"I am really curious, Rei. I'm guessing you did not meet Baz in Europe," Gwen said.
Rei shook her head. That was the lie he told Gwen? What if she had? In another alternate universe, maybe that was the truth.
"We had a class together at Faraday," Rei answered quietly. It was too late to deny a connection. Rei could just imagine the conversation. Gwen would threaten lightly that if they didn't know each other, then it wouldn't bother Rei whether or not he ended up in prison. Or worse.
No, it was better to forgo that scenario, the one Rei would have to back out of immediately.
"He seemed like your type," Gwen said, mocking, "good kisser."
Rei imagined reaching for Gwen's hair and tearing it out of its bun.