I don't think there's a day that I don't miss you.
I am filled with guilt whenever I think about how I can't seem to remember any memories of you and I together. I was too young, Papa. All of us were. I remember Mama telling us about your passing. I didn't quite fully understand what was going on. She told me you weren't ever coming home so I cried until I was asleep.
As I grew older, I longed a lot for your presence.
I dreamt of you and Mama both onstage at graduations, both beside me when it's my birthday right before I blow the light out of the candle, and both watch me ride all my fears and doubts away at the ranch.
However much I want you to be here, I feel your presence around me all the time.
Life would be so different with you here, Papa. Perhaps in another lifetime, I can spend more time with you. You could watch me grow up and learn how to ride horses while I watch your hair turn gray and wrinkles form on your face.
Mama doesn't like telling us her problems, so even if you're up there now, I hope you continue to be her best friend. I have homework to do pa so I'll write to you again soon, okay? I love you, Papa.
Missing you always,
Sinta
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It's campaign season for Mama now.
She's an amazing person, isn't she Papa? Often, Kuya Kiko would tell me to be a good girl because Mama already had a lot on her plate. It's during those times that I would realize na oo nga 'no. She's fighting for things so much bigger than her, issues that don't even directly concern her, all while she's bringing us to school and helping me finish my homework. I think you blessed her with your superpowers.
Don't forget to give my kuya and ates too ha? Of course me rin kasi I want to be able to do amazing stuff like that.
Mama takes me with her to campaign sometimes because no one could babysit me. Hindi naman na ako baby so I didn't need anyone to watch me. But Mama insists and I also enjoy spending time with her so I agreed to accompany her in campaigns. There's always a loooot of people in their rallies. It makes me feel nervous.
You know, Mama has a pretty friend. I call her Tita Leni. She's running for VP and Mama said that like you, Tita Leni's husband is in heaven already. She has really nice kids too. Ate Aika, Ate Tricia, and Ate Jillian. Sometimes, we'd play together while waiting for our Mamas. Tita helped me with my homework one time and her girls often help me too. Ate Jill also taught me how to put nail polish like the one my ates have!
Can you thank God for me, Papa? For having us meet amazing people like Tita Leni and her kids? They make both Mama and I less nervous kasi eh.
We'll be campaigning again today so I'll write to you soon. I love you, Papa.
Missing you always,
Sinta
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I'm sorry for not writing that often to you.
In between school and hospital visits, I rarely found the time to. Pero babawi ako sa'yo. I promise! I'm much older now since the last time I wrote to you. MUCH older. Last night, Mama looked at me and she asked, "Where has time gone? My baby girl's so big na."
We're doing well here, Papa. I hope you're doing well up there too.
It's campaign season for Mama again. Risa pa, she said. I find that tag very witty. Someone even brought a Red Horse for her because it matched her initials. How funny is that?
A lot happened over the years. Mama received so much hate, so much black propaganda, even when she worked cleanly and with good intentions. She doesn't deserve it.
Mama said not to worry about her because someone's receiving far worse than she was. I asked her who and she said it was Tita Leni. Hindi ko sila maintindihan, why would they bring good women down? She and Tita don't deserve it. I look up to both of them. Someday I wish I could be as strong and as kind as they are.
This is the campaign of our lives, Papa. The fight of our lives. I'm glad to be a part of it. Help us win, okay? I love you.
Missing you always,
Sinta
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School has been really stressful lately but I'm glad I have such a great support system. Of course you're one of them, Papa.
I had my first house to house experience today. Ang dami kong nakakausap and they even give me gifts. Some were for Mama pero some were also for me. It's really heartwarming.
Remember my last letter when I told you that this is the fight of our lives? I felt that even more today. Seeing other people, interacting with them, and talking to them felt so exhilarating and fulfilling. It makes me love my country more.
In a way, it has helped me understand further why you chose to become a soldier and defend our country.
I hope through the simple effort of visiting the people and talking to them, I convinced them to vote for Mama. She really wants this.
Help us win, please?
Missing you always,
Sinta
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Mama has been quiet the whole day.
She fidgeted with her hands and she was restless. Diba she only does those things when she's anxious? I asked her if she was okay and she told me not to worry but I can't help not to.
This campaign has been exhausting for me but I know it's taken a much deeper toll on her. I saw her talk to Tita Leni when we were in the holding area backstage. I saw how Tita comforted her, holding her hand and easing her doubts using soothing words. Mama was teary eyed by the end of it. And speechless. It's weird when Mama's the one speechless 'no, Papa? She's always so talkative and bubbly kasi.
Mama's mood and energy became better after she and Tita Leni talked. It was as if she felt lighter and more assured.
You know, their interaction a while ago made me admire and be grateful to Tita Leni more. She looks out for Mama, even for me whenever I would represent her in rallies. I think she's Mama's safe space — the person she could always confide in and help her ground. I thanked Tita Leni for what she did para kay Mama kanina. She said Mama meant a lot to her and that if I ever felt the same way, I could always talk to her.
I'm happy that we get to have a person like Tita Leni in our lives, especially during crucial times like these.
I hope you're watching us from up there so you could see how we're doing here. I love you, comfort Mama for me?
Missing you always,
Sinta
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I think Mama has a crush.
I'm not sure about the specifics of it. But someone's making her smile and laugh more often. Sometimes, I'd even catch her smiling to herself. Mama's weird when she has crushes.
There are days when she comes home and she's either in shock (not in a bad way) or grinning like a teenager in love.
When Mama started dating after your passing, it was weird for me. Kasi I didn't see why she had to and I was still young. But she told me that she wanted to give herself a chance at love again. That she wanted to grow old with someone and watch the time pass by with them. She told me that she always thought that she'd grow old with you but the universe didn't permit it. So she wishes that you, and us, would allow her to find a love that will last her a lifetime for the second time.
I saw how badly she wanted that so I'm okay with it. You're okay with it too, right? Kaso, she still hasn't found that love yet, Papa. You think this'll be the time that she does? I hope so.
Whoever it is that Mama would love and would choose to spend the rest of her life with is one lucky person. I hope they make her happy.
I love you, Papa. I'll tell you who makes Mama smile as soon as I find out haha!
Missing you always,
Sinta
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"I think I know who's her secret admirer, sibs." Kuya Kiko said to us while Mama was in the restroom.
We were in Glorietta today because it's Mama's birthday tomorrow. Ngayon kami nagcecelebrate because unfortunately, may kanya-kanya kaming kailangan gawin for tomorrow. Mama said it was okay with her naman as long as we get to celebrate.
"Who?" Ate Issa said.
Kuya placed a gift on the table. It was square-shaped wrapped with purple paper. "Someone handed this to me earlier, staff ng isa sa mga well-known politicians."
"Sino do'n?"
"Si ano..."
"Pabitin ka, Kuya! Who is it?"
"You have to promise not to tell anyone first kasi I can't say for sure." We all nodded in agreement.
"It's from Tita Leni."
To say that we were shocked was an understatement. It was like my heart stopped. Tita Leni has feelings for my mom?
"Sinta said the flowers came with a note inside a purple envelope, right?" Kuya explained. "And then she also found two purple paperbags when Mama came home from work."
"That could be just a coincidence. Tita Leni knows purple is Mama's favorite color. Alampay pa lang eh. It's quite reasonable na regaluhan niya si Mama ng something na nakabalot sa purple." Ate Ianna argued.
"Okay, tama ka naman. We can't say for sure. But this gift is from Tita Leni and her staff told me not to say who it's from. From that, parang halata naman na."
"I noticed na mas nagiging close sila ni Mama over the past months too. Siya ata 'yung palaging ka-text ni Mama." I told them.
"You mean the same ka-text ni Mama that makes her smile?"
"Yeah, that one. Kung hindi staff ang kausap ni Mama, it's Tita Leni."
We were silent for a while, glancing at each other. Before today, Mama's love life was not one of our concerns. She knew how to handle herself. But this is new to us kasi Tita Leni and Mama?
Besides the fact that we weren't even aware that they were attracted to women, and that Tita Leni's been a long time family friend, they're both well-known politicians. How would they make that work?
"Are we okay with that?" Ate Issa asked.
"Ako, oo. Mama can fall in love with whoever she wants to. Saka it's not like Tita's a stranger to us. If anything, I'm glad it's her." Ate Ianna replied.
"Same with me," Kuya Kiko said. "Tita has been one of her best friends, if not the best. We were witnesses to their friendship. It's surprising but I won't say it wasn't hard to figure out."
"Ate Issa?" I turned to her. "How about you?"
"I didn't expect her or Tita to be attracted to women but I agree with Kuya and Ianna. I guess it'll take a while bago ko siya fully ma-absorb but I'll be fine. Ikaw, Sints?"
"I don't know," I admitted, lowering my head.
Kuya Kiko patted my back and said, "Understandable. I know this is shocking. Reflect on it, okay?"
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"Nak?"
"Ma, shouldn't you be resting po?"
Kakauwi lang namin galing sa Glorietta and I think Mama noticed na hindi ako gaano'ng masigla since dinner. "Are you okay?" She asked, sitting beside me on the bed and holding both my hands.
"I'm okay po. May gusto lang po akong itanong."
"What is it? Tell me so I can make you feel better."
"You and Tita Leni...what's going on?"
"What do you mean? Akala mo ba nag-away kami? Oh no, hindi kami nag-away." She laughed.
"I mean, do you have feelings for her?"
She didn't respond and instead, avoided my gaze and retracted her hands from mine. "Ma, please be honest with me. You know you can tell me diba?" I took her hand back, urging her to face me.
"I'm in love with her, 'nak."
Her voice quivered as she said it, but her tone was resolved. Like she's never been more sure of anything in her life. "Is that okay with you?"
All their interactions in the past flashed in my mind. I remembered how Mama stayed up all night to oversee the 2016 election results because of how much faith she had in Tita Leni. I remembered how they texted occasionally to ask how the other one's doing especially during the controversial times. I remembered watching them interact from afar, comforting each other in silent touches and whispered words.
I remembered how amid the number of people around, Tita Leni became Mama's best friend, confidant, solace, and her person. And I see that in Tita's eyes, she felt the same way towards Mama.
Was it okay with me that my mother is in love with another woman — a long time friend and the President of the country no less?
If Mama's chance at love — the love that she wanted, the life where she and her partner would grow old together and watch time pass by is with Tita Leni, then yes. As long as it makes my mother the happiest version of herself that she could be, my answer would always be yes.
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Mama's happier. Not that she was never happy in the first place, but she glows differently now.
Her vibrant energy shone brighter, her voice sweeter, her touches gentler, if all these were even possible with the woman that Mama already is. Love really brings out the best in people, right Papa? If you're watching her now, when she's with Tita Leni, it's like she's on cloud nine.
I know things haven't been exactly easy for them. They've been tried and tested countless of times, over and over again. Which is why I can't help but feel proud that they've finally reached this point in their lives. Was it weird for you watching Mama get married to someone else earlier? I hope not, Papa. Kasi she was so happy. She was crying tears of joy the whole time!
I'm grateful to Tita, wait no, Mama Leni na pala haha! I'm grateful to Mama Leni for a lot of things. But more than that, I'm thankful that she loves Mama and treats her well. And that she went through the lengths that she did to marry Mama.
In another life perhaps we'd be living happily with you, spending our days having fun and our weekends going out. You'd grow old with Mama while watching my siblings and I grow up. But in this life, I'm glad that Mama got her second chance at love.
Keep watching over all of us, Papa. By all of us I mean Kuya Kiko, Ate Issa, Ate Ianna, Mama Ris, Mama Leni, Ate Aika, Ate Tricia, Ate Jillian, and me. Keep watching over our family, okay?
I love you, Papa.
Missing you always,
Sinta