"Is that a good 'oh' or a bad 'oh'?" Marlene asked cautiously.
El turned the test so Marlene could see it.
Two blue lines.
The test was positive.
"Shit," El's head fell into her hands. She was shaking, her mind working five times the speed it normally does.
"What are you gonna do?" Marlene whispered, placing the test down on the counter.
"I don't want kids. I never wanted kids."
"Are you gonna tell James?"
El exhaled deeply like the air was being punched out of her, "if i do it's like i'm dangling the idea of kids in front of him and then snatching it away."
Marlene knelt down in front of her, "i know you don't want kids, and this isn't me telling you what to do, but less than two years ago you didn't want to be in a relationship, and now you're engaged. James is a bit of a twat sometimes, but he would be a fucking amazing dad."
"I can't marry him."
"What?! El—"
"He's gonna want kids, fuck," she rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hands, "he should marry someone he can have kids with, he'll resent me if i'm the reason he never has any."
"Don't be fucking ridiculous. He wants you, if he has kids, he's gonna want them to be yours. The man is mad about you, El. He has Sirius anyway, we don't need another child."
El gave a teary laugh. "I feel so bad," she whispered.
"Don't," Marlene placed a comforting hand on each of El's knees. "Talk to him, tell him about it. I'm not saying you have to keep it, but i think if you don't keep it, you should at least talk to James first."
"It's my decision," El said bluntly.
"I know, and i support whatever decision that is and so will James, so i think you should tell him."
"Okay, i'll tell him this evening, i have a patrol of Hogsmeade to do today." She patted her eyes dry and stood up.
"What time does that start?" Marlene asked.
"Midday."
"Are you sure you wanna do that today? I can cover for you if you want," Marlene offered.
"No, i'll be fine. I'll. . .deal with it later."
"El—"
"Thank you, Marls, but it will be fine, don't worry," El hugged her, "I'll see you soon."
El was already half way out the front door before Marlene could say anything.
The patrol of Hogsmeade was probably one of the least productive ones El had been on, her mind was elsewhere for the duration of the three hour mission. Someone could have hit her with the crutiatus curse and she would not have noticed.
They finished outside The Three Broomsticks. "You wanna go for a drink?" Morgan asked, snapping El out of the trance she had been in.
El almost said yes at first, "no, thank you though." She hadn't taken that into account before; no drinking or smoking when pregnant. For fucks sake. "James is probably waiting for me."
She bid her goodbyes to Morgan, then returned to London. James was waiting on the sofa when she returned, and stood instantly when he heard the front door open.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
El smiled distractedly at him, not quite meeting his eye, "yeah, why wouldn't i be?"
"You always say goodbye before any mission The Order sends you on," he said quietly. "I thought you were annoyed at me or something."
"Oh, right. . .sorry," she looked up at James; he had a distinct crease between his eyebrows as he scanned her face with concern.
"Are you sure you're okay, love. You seem—"
El cut him off by crashing her lips to his, holding him by the back of his neck to tilt his head down to the right angle and hold him there. Shocked, James stumbled backwards slightly, before holding her waist gently, though he pulled back far sooner than El would have liked.
"El—"
She pressed a kiss to his jaw.
"Slow down, love, something is bothering you," James attempted to talk but El kissed him again.
"You talk too much," she whispered against him, finally managing to get a proper kiss from him. He gave in and opened his mouth, accepting El's tongue to massage his own.
El jumped and James caught her without requiring a warning, wrapping her legs around his torso so he could carry her into the bedroom, dropping her onto the bed and climbing over her.
"Are you sure you don't wanna talk?" James muttered between each kiss against her neck.
"After," El whispered, bringing his face back up to hers. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt until he finally raised his arms so it could be pulled off. She dropped it next to the bed and waisted no time before pulling at his belt to undo it. James ignored her request, and instead pulled El's shirt off her body so he could kiss down her chest.
She wrapped her legs around his waist tightly, then used her grip to manoeuvre them so she was on top. She took his face between her hands, kissing him with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. James' hands wondered freely across El's body, grasping every inch of it as though he was trying to commit it to memory.
She broke the kiss first, then trailed her lips down James' torso as she adjusted herself off his lap to sit on her knees between his legs. She worked her way down, kicking off her trousers then fumbling with the button on James' jeans so she could pull them down.
James, who had quickly sussed out the direction this was heading, helped her remove them and pushed himself to a more reclined position. El kissed above his navel, then the small trail of hair that lead down to his crotch. She ran her fingers under the waistband of his briefs, then pulled them down so he sprung free from the fabric containing him. While El loved everything about James, she had to admit one of her favourite assets of his now lay tall and erect against his stomach.
She kissed around the base teasingly, eyes not leaving James' as she licked a long stripe up the side. His mouth fell open in anticipation, breathing deeply to try steady his heart rate. She continued to tease him—this part was her favourite; seeing James try to calm himself as she slowly massaged him in her hands, pressing a kiss to the tip. His stomach was tensed when she let some saliva drip from her mouth, providing lubrication yet not letting her speed increase. James pushed her hair out of her face, gathering it in one hand and twisting it round his fist so he had a firm grip.
His eyes fell closed when El finally took him in her mouth, pushing as far as she could until his tip touched the back of her throat. A soft moan made its way from James' throat as he tightened his grip on El's hair, thrusting up further into her mouth. She bobbed up and down slowly, working her tongue around him in a way that made his stomach tense.
"Fuck, El," he groaned. El took his praise as an encouragement to go faster and harder, wrapping her hand around the section her mouth could not reach. Their eyes connected again, James' we're half lidded as he gazed down at her, jaw slack, massaging her scalp with the hand already threaded in her hair.
He tugged at her hair lightly to pull her off him, then—without warning—flipped them so she lay underneath, pinning her wrists either side of her head.
"You're fucking dangerous, i swear," he growled, kissing her firmly. El wrapped both legs around his waist, digging a heel into the small of his back to push him closer. James leant back onto him knees to remove her underwear, dragging them slowly down her legs. He then took her ankle in one hand, bringing it to his lips to press kiss after kiss against her skin, worshipping it as he slowly made his way higher. He licked the tattoo on her thigh, biting gently to form a purple mark next to it. Seeing the tattoo always sparked a possessive fire in him, it was a mark that she was his, and he was hers, embedded in her skin forever.
Their lips joined again in a hungry kiss while James lined himself up with her entrance and slowly pushed inside. Any noise she made was swallowed by his tongue as he retracted his hips and slammed them back into her. She threaded her fingers through his hair and moaned again, massaging his scalp in the same way he had with hers just a moment ago.
James pulled back from the kiss, though didn't move very far. His hand came round to hold her throat, apply pressure to the sides. His other hand grasped at the side of her hip, using it to pin her body to the bed.
El closed her eyes and her mouth fell open, soft moans coming freely from the back of her throat. James tightened his grip on her neck, "open your eyes, love, look at me," he instructed, pushing his thumb between her lips so she would suck on it.
She forced her eyes open, looking directly at him with a furrow in her brow as he sped up. James took his thumb from her mouth and used it to rub her clit in small circles.
She moaned loudly, "oh fuck!" she looked down to where her and James' bodies were connected, watching him slide in and out.
"Hey," he slapped her cheek lightly, not enough to hurt but enough to gain her attention, "eyes up here or i stop."
James sped up even more when her eyes met his and he grinned as her face contorted on pleasure. He held her face in his hand, so close their noses were almost touching. El tightened her legs around James' waist and pushed off the mattress, rolling them over so she was now on top, straddling James' waist. She had half expected James to flip them back to the position they had been in before but instead he sat back comfortably against the pillows, perfectly content to watch her do all the work.
Placing a hand against his stomach, she used it to anchor her movements, switching between up and down, forwards and backwards, then rotating her hips round in a circle in a way that made James groan. He sat up a little, wrapping his arms tightly around El's body so their chests were pushed together as he began thrusting up from underneath, meeting El's thrusts with a loud clap.
She gripped onto his shoulders, moaning loudly as her orgasm engulfed her body to the point where her vision went white for a second. James continued through her orgasm, punctuating each thrust with a groan until her reached his own peak.
El fell forward, resting her forehead against James' collarbone as she caught her breath. He was still inside her and she twitched at every small movement when he'd accidentally brush her g-spot.
James pulled out of her, placing her down on the bed so he could put his boxers back on then place her sideways on his lap. "You," he kissed her quickly, "are my favourite person on this fucking earth."
El studied him for a moment, indecisive as to which eye she should look at, so settled on looking at her hands instead. "I'm sorry, James," she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes as she felt a tear escape.
"El, Merlin, what's wrong?" he wrapped both arms around her, stroking down her back as he held her tightly.
"I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry," she cried.
"Sorry? Why're you sorry?"
"Please don't hate me," she leaned away from him, wiping her eyes in a fruitless attempt to dry them.
"Why would i—are you leaving me?" he said suddenly, pulling away from her and standing up. "That was a goodbye fuck, wasn't it?"
"N-no!" she sniffed again, reaching out to him, "i'm not leaving you. Can you come here, please?"
James' eyebrows furrowed in sympathy, walking back to her to take her outstretched hand. "What's wrong, El. You're scaring me."
There was a pause as El took a deep breath. Logically she knew she had to tell him, but she so desperately did not want to say the words out loud. She met his gaze. "I'm pregnant."
His shoulders relaxed, a small smile making its way to his face, "love, that's—"
"I'm not keeping it," she said bluntly.
Any hint of a smile fell off James' face, though she had to applaud him for his valiant effort to not look too upset. He was silent for a moment, then nodded, "whatever you want," he squeezed her hand.
"I'm sorry, i know you want kids, so if you don't want to marry me i'd understand—"
"I don't want kids if they're not with you. Baby or no baby, i'm marrying you," he said firmly. He took her face in his hands, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.
"I'm sorry," yet another traitorous tear slid down her face.
"Stop that, it's fine. If you don't want a child that's your decision, i could never be angry with you for that."
El suddenly felt foolish for doubting that James Potter would be anything less than the best man in the world. She fell forward into his arms, "i love you."
He kissed her hair, "i love you too."
"Will you come with me?" she asked quietly.
"We'll i'm not fucking letting you go by yourself," he said firmly.
I love you i love you i love you. Her chest hurt with it.
Another tear fell down her cheek as she looked at him. "Thank you."
***
a/n: word count 2.3k
i don't wanna see any "pro-life" bullshit in the comments<3 anyway i hope everyone's having a good week