Under the glow of her lamplight, Mia sat at her desk and watched as her college friends laughed and shared stories with each other about their lives on the computer screen. She weakly smiled back at them and drew her knees close to her as she sat in her rickety office chair. She had been laughing with them the last time they had spoken, but tonight, she mainly remained quiet, envious of their joy.
But I chose this, Mia reminded herself. She'd made up with Julian, distanced herself from Leila, stopped attending her artist groups, all for the sake of not getting attached. And soon enough, with a little professional luck, she'd be back in New York with her friends, and her time in Maine could just remain a brief dream.
"Mia, how's life going for you?" Phoenix asked.
Mia blinked, remembering suddenly she was a part of the conversation.
"It's been good," she lied.
She clutched her knees slightly closer to her body, wondering when she had begun lying to her college friends. They were always so honest with each other when they were attending school together; albeit Mia didn't like speaking about her time in Missouri much. Only a few years prior, she would've told them all about how she and Julian had nearly broke up, how there was unspoken tension between her and Leila, but she stayed silent.
"You said you were taking art classes? How are those going?" June wondered.
Once again, Mia lied. "They're good. I haven't been in a few weeks. Just been busy with work. I'll go back soon."
"Maine must be beautiful this time of year," Phoenix said.
"I guess so," Mia said. "The leaves must be changing in New York, too."
"The kids I'm teaching like to give me some leaves as gifts during recess," Alana said. "It's absolutely adorable! Although I'm never really sure what to do with them afterwards."
Mia smiled slightly.
"How are things living with Leila?" June asked.
"Same old," Mia replied. "She hasn't kicked me out, so that's good, right? Although her cat still won't let me pet him."
"The tragedy," Phoenix remarked. She noticed their cat in frame, sleeping peacefully on the sofa behind them.
"I don't mind much," Mia said. She'd never grown up with pets to begin with. If Fuji didn't like her, so be it.
"And you and Julian?" Alana asked.
Mia opened her mouth, once again debating if she should tell them, but at the last minute, she changed her mind. "Good as always," she lied.
"You don't have much to say today," Phoenix noted.
"Sorry. Worked a double shift. I'm tired," Mia said. Beside her, her phone began to buzz. There was only one person it could be. When she looked down, she saw Julian's name flashing on the screen. A part of her wanted to silence it, but she was afraid the more she talked to her friends, the more they would discover something wasn't quite right with her.
"Sorry. I have to go a little early. Julian's calling," Mia said.
"Aw, well, we'll talk again soon," Alana said.
"See you, Mia," both June and Phoenix said.
She quickly closed her computer and answered her phone. "Hey, what's up?" she asked.
"I just wanted to talk to you," Julian said.
"I told you I was talking to my friends tonight, didn't I?" Mia asked.
"Oh. Was that tonight? Sorry. You want me to call back?" Julian asked.
Mia looked at her shut computer and sighed. "No. It's fine," she murmured. Though she wanted to do nothing more than curl up in bed and sleep, she remained on the phone with Julian for two hours, listening to him rant about nonsensical work-related stories and his various fights with his parents. She twirled a strand of hair around her finger as she listened.
Julian's been needier than normal lately, she thought, though maybe she had brought that on herself. Making up with him, giving him more attention to distance herself from Leila...it was no wonder Julian needed every ounce of her attention these days. As annoyed as she wanted to be, she reminded herself he was the distraction she needed.
Once Mia was finally able to get Julian off the phone, she collapsed into her pillows and slept soundly. However, she wasn't able to go long without Julian needing her again.
For the next week, they were barely distanced from each other. When they weren't talking on the phone, Julian was either over at her place or she was out with him elsewhere. While inwardly all Mia wanted was a few hours to herself, she preferred Julian's company over her awkward interactions with Leila in the apartment.
One evening, however, Leila returned from work and began cooking a meal for the both of them. While Mia had planned to meet Julian later in the evening for some drinks, she knew she wasn't going to be able to sneak out of the apartment before Leila was finished cooking.
Instead, Mia distracted herself as best she could. She drew at her desk, listening to the sizzling of vegetables coming from the kitchen. Before, she used to help Leila with dinner if she wasn't busy, but now, Mia mainly remained in her room until Leila eventually called her to dinner.
Mia once again erased the same lines she had been drawing over the past hour. As she shoved eraser marks off her desk, she cursed to herself. She couldn't get this drawing right as much as she tried, and it was beginning to take its toll on her. She reached for the paper and crumpled it, tossing it by the trashcan.
"Mia."
A knock came on her door. She glanced up, watching Leila slowly creak open the door.
"Um, dinner is ready when you want some," Leila said meekly.
"Be there in a sec," Mia murmured, listening to the door shut behind her.
She sighed and stood from her desk. For a moment, she stood, looking at herself in the mirror. She looked tired. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair was disheveled. She supposed she had forgotten to brush it today. Quickly, Mia ran a brush through her hair and headed out into the kitchen where Leila sat, awkwardly waiting with a plate of hot food sitting in front of her.
"You can eat before I get here, you know," Mia said, piling some chicken and vegetables onto her dish.
"It felt rude," Leila said.
Mia didn't say anything in response and took a seat across from Leila. As she slowly ate her food, she tried her best to avoid eye contact with Leila. The silence was overwhelming, and the clanking of utensils against plates didn't help either. At one point, Mia snuck a glance at Leila. Leila's gaze was fixated on her food as well.
At least she's equally uncomfortable, Mia thought.
"Did the chicken turn out okay?" Leila asked at last. It was a silly question to ask, Mia thought, considering they were already halfway through the meal, but she supposed there wasn't much else to talk about.
"Yeah," Mia said.
"Oh. Good. It's a new recipe," Leila murmured.
"Yeah. It's good," Mia responded.
"Um, I can't remember. Did you have a shift today?" Leila asked.
Mia shook her head.
They returned to eating in silence for a few moments.
"Um, how was work for you?" Mia asked.
"Oh. It was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary," Leila said.
"That's good," Mia said. Her plate was nearly clean. She silently celebrated, hoping that she could escape to her room as quickly as possible, but when she looked up, she saw Leila staring at her, concerned.
Mia paused. She had sensed Leila wanted to talk to her for a while about what had happened that night. She had hoped Leila would leave it be, but Leila looked more serious tonight.
Mia was foolish. It wasn't like they could avoid talking about it forever. However, right as Leila opened her mouth, Mia saw a text pop up from Julian on her phone.
Just got out of work. Meet you there?
Mia glanced at her phone, then back at Leila. "Sorry. I'm going out to get drinks with Julian," she said, standing up from her seat. She took her dish to the sink and washed it before grabbing her coat and keys.
Leila looked visibly hurt, or at the very least, annoyed. It made Mia's heart ache, but she knew it was for the best. After all, the more she succeeded at tearing them apart, the easier it would be to leave.
"Thanks for dinner. I'll see you later," Mia told Leila.
"Yeah. See you," Leila said quietly.
Mia shut the door, hoping she never had to see Leila look that way again.