a/n: two updates in a week??? caroline active era??!?!? we love to see it
ayo remember when i used to update everyday
its like 3 in the morning lol im losing my mind so this chapter is chaotic asf
(S) hey!!! Sorry this chapter came out later than expected- next chapter is mine, might be on schedule this time😭 enjoy!!
Harry's thoughts run rampant throughout the night as he lays in bed in a sleep-induced haze; though completely and utterly exhausted, he couldn't sleep, at all. Though weariness tugged at his bones, and his eyes threatened to flutter shut, his mind couldn't stop the war of chaos that's threatening to overwhelm him, as he lies there, periodically fading in and out of consciousness, too tired to even move from the uncomfortable position he was laying in.
So many things happened that day (or was it yesterday? He couldn't tell), the amount of new things he'd learnt about Louis very much nearly overwhelming him. It hurts his brain, almost, yet it's fascinating to an unimaginable degree. It almost feels like Louis ripped open the blinds in a way, like he'd shown some light into Harry's misery. It's refreshing.
But as he finally gets up from his terrible night's sleep (it can't even be considered sleep, more like a nap), he finds himself holding the manuscript paper where he'd written the melody Louis had listened to. It feels like fire, almost as if hot to the touch, yet Harry clutches onto it for dear life, his eyes stuck, frantically scanning each note like it's his life mission, everything eventually blending together like hues of watercolor.
He doesn't think his room's been this silent since Halloween.
And just like that, he hears a knock at the door.
Suddenly he remembers that yes, he indeed had a guest over today and yes, he had totally forgotten. Carding a hand through his hair, he stares at himself through the mirror for a moment, and despite him looking extremely casual. It could pass. He looks somewhat presentable. With that, he exits his bedroom and steps out.
Harry expected a lot of things.
He did not expect to see Louis Tomlinson talking to the other boy.
"Hey mate. I'm, uh, here to see Harold," he sees the boy say, looking around, a little unsure.
He definitely didn't expect Louis to look pissed.
"He's not here," Louis says flatly, Harry watching as the blue-eyed lad slammed the door into his face before turning around. The proud smirk he wore slipped off his face as quickly as it came, and the victorious look he had fell immediately.
"What was that about?" Harry demands, crossing his arms over his chest, watching Louis' face drop further, eyes gawky and awkward, his mouth hung open.
"Er-"
"You had no right to send my guest away," he says sharply, cutting the boy off. Slight anger coursed through him, but was overtaken by the utter confusion at the action of the latter.
"I know," Louis replies, crossing his arms and shrugging in what almost seems to be unapologetic, "But I just did, didn't I?"
Harry glares, "Tell him to come back."
"I'm not your puppet."
"Tell him."
"I wouldn't even if I wanted to. And you know why?" Louis asks, eyes pinched into a nasty glare as he takes a step towards him, who retaliates by glaring at him harder, "Because all of those people are nothing but harpies. And you can do better than that, you great, sex-crazed, bumbling oaf. So, yes, I'm going to send them away every chance I get, and I'm not going to apologize for it, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise!" And with that, Louis sniffs and turns away, posture victorious and adamant.
"What do you mean? I can do better than that?"
Harry didn't mean for that to come so...soft. But Louis had said something that fucked with his mind yet again, catching him off guard and hitting him like a shockwave. Confusion and surprise coursed through his veins, as he watches Louis uncross his arms and let them fall to his sides, slowly turning his face back to Harry.
"Just what I said," he responds gently, before he flicks the hair out of his eyes, voice picking up in strength, "Now. Aren't you going to ask why I am here?"
Harry ducks his head, shuffles a bit, "Why are you here?" he asks almost sheepishly, embarrassed, as he mumbles to the floor, hugging his stomach.
"Because I need to study and Niall's being a wanker. I liked it here yesterday. So. Will you take me?" A smile plays at his lips, and Harry think he might faint.
His head snaps back up before letting it fall back down again, his feet making circles on his thick Persian rug, "Well. I was just sort of getting ready for the day. I mean, I don't have classes or anything, because I've already finished the coursework for all of them. Just, like, doing little things and looking over my song. So, I mean, yeah, that's fine," he finds himself rambling, whilst fiddling with his watch.
Louis grins.
His heart warms just that bit more.
"Splendid!" he says, immediately making a beeline for Harry's bedroom, "Let's go in here, yeah? It's cozy. I like it," he smiles once more, before settling in the same chair he sat in yesterday.
And Harry's lips did not twitch. At all. And he definitely was not endeared at the sight of Louis nuzzling deeper into the chair and smiling sleepily at him.
"Have you finished your song?" Louis asks suddenly, breaking him from his train of thought.
"Yeah."
"Can I hear it?"
Harry turns, walking to the window, hesitation practically oozing out of him in puddles. He stares blankly at scenery, taking in nothing before him as his mind goes haywire. "In a bit though. Not right now, yeah?"
"Yeah. All right," Louis says softly, a soft lilt to his voice, and it's pleasant, very much so. Not to mention incredibly soothing.
And then Louis goes back to study, which prompts Harry to...do something. He finds himself puttering about, mindlessly sending texts to different people, pulling out books to "read" them (he really doesn't, he's too distracted to), and sifting through papers.
He was distracted, though, by the sight of the electrifying ocean blue eyes, soft brunette hair that he always flicks out of his eyes, and the extremely casual wear he somehow pulls off everyday. He watches as Louis studies, his eyes reading the pages, his mouth silently mouthing the words, as he ponders about this boy in front of him. He has so many questions, so many, but one stands above the rest.
"Did you get on with your father?"
Louis looks up, startled.
"What?" he asks, taken aback, staring at Harry.
He doesn't look up from his book, fearing for his reaction, "I noticed you call him by his name. And you said he didn't like you. Why?"
He notices Louis hesitate for a moment, eyes wary, before it morphs back to calm and indifference before shrugging, playing with the spiral of his notebook.
"We just clash. He thinks I'm annoying and too loud. And immature." He pauses, a hand starting to fiddle with his fringe, looking restless, "But to be honest, I think the main reason he dislikes me is because I'm gay."
Harry tensed, a surge of unexpected anger pouring through him like lava, setting his veins on fire. It's hot, fiery, furious, and it burns.
"You can't help that," Harry says quietly, almost to himself, eyes glued to the floor. Unwanted scenarios popped into his head, making him want to recoil.
"I know that. He doesn't."
It pings.
"Have you tried to speak with him?"
Louis jiggles his leg whilst tapping his pen, "Sort of. But he's not having it, trust me. But I really couldn't give a fuck, so. Whatever."
And maybe it was the nonchalance, or the fact he said it so freely, without hiding anything, and it just, it pings him, incredibly much, yet also sending little shoots of courage through him. Most of all, it confuses him.
His head slowly lifts, as he chokes out the words that's causing him the most inner turmoil, "He's your father."
"He's a bad person," Louis replies back simply, forcefully.
Harry goes back to looking at his book, whilst war raged inside his mind.
The room goes silent again, save for the beats Louis taps out onto the armrest.
He swallows, before, "Do you know who my father is?"
The question forces itself out of his mouth before he has a chance to hold it back. It's quiet, yes, so quiet, but it rings out in the awkward silence. He nibbles at his lip, his brow tugging together, his eyes frozen on the 'the' in the book, unable to look up. His heart pounds, as he hears the silence consume them both again.
Harry knows Louis knows; he knows Louis knows about his father, yet he'd never brought it up to him, not directly, anyway.
So now as he sits there, his eyes staring at the page in the book unblinking, as he hears a soft "Yeah," reply.
He nods, almost unaware, almost not even registering the movement, hands still clutching the book like a lifeline, as he continues, "I'm sure you've heard all sorts of things."
"Yeah," Louis repeats.
Harry gnaws at his lip harder. What does that mean? What is Louis insinuating? Harry's inside is starting to panic, yet the relief that Louis didn't lie was almost soothing, yet overpowered by all the emotions in his mind.
"I'm-" he stops, blinking hard. He looks up from the book hesitantly, making sure to avoid eye contact and instead staring blankly at the wall, a sudden, unexpected wave of tears welling up in his eyes, as fear tinged his soul, "I'm not sure if he's a bad person or not," he admits quietly, whisper soft, as the tinge of fear grows tenfold.
Louis pauses, staring at him with such a strange look Harry wanted to cry. It wasn't unpleasant, no, it was almost warm, yet so strange Harry couldn't help but feel vulnerable, "How is he?"
It's whispered, almost cautious, it's hesitant. It's so soft, yet it felt like a voice booming in his ear, the hidden 'where is he' just behind those powerful words.
"I don't know."
His thoughts swirl, they tumble, they're wicked. They're mean and scary and Harry wants to wince, wants to cringe at the thoughts he has, wants to know what Louis is thinking, or why he's looking at him like that, why everything is happening. He wants so much.
The phone rings.
"Hello?" he asks tentatively.
He thinks he almost passed out.
It's murmured, like he was underwater. He couldn't hear the rest of the call or his thoughts except "He's alive" and it's repeating over and over and over again and holy fuck, Harry thinks he might faint.
"I'm on my way," he says, stuffing the phone into his jeans and flying out of the bedroom.
"Wha-Harry!" He heard in the distance, he could see Louis in his peripheral jumping up, and running after him, but it was like slow motion; he didn't have time.
He finds himself stuffing his jacket on, sliding his feet into his boots, and he doesn't even know when he got here, or where anything is, all he could hear is the fact his father's alive repeating over and over again, blurring everything else.
He thinks he may hear Louis speak again, but his mind is too jumbled to register, as he reaches for his phone again and dials a number, "David? Pick me up at the school. Now," and then the phone's back in his pocket as he hurries about, gathering the rest of his belongings.
He reaches for his sheet music, all of it, stuffing it into his bag. He thinks someone is talking again, but he still couldn't make out what it was. His movements are rushed, frenzied, and he's sure his manuscripts are going to be bent and folded and ruined, but he couldn't care less, as he packs his bag, before walking towards the door.
A hand grabs at his jacket.
"Could you please just answer me?! I'm not fucking invisible, am I?" he finally hears the voice clearly, as his eyes trail to Louis, looking exasperated and as if Harry had just grown a second head.
"I have to go, Louis."
"I understand that, I know, I get it, okay? And I won't press for details. But fuck's sake, you're flitting about like a fucking hummingbird and you look like you've just had a stroke and I don't know wat the fuck is going on, but can you at least tell me if you're all right? Is everything all right?"
Gentle warmth seeps through the walls at those words, pouring delicately into Harry's heart, and it feels so nice, so pleasant, so merciful. It was like a breath of fresh air after the frantic trips around his rooms packing up his things.
"Everything's all right," he appeases Louis softly, his eyes growing softer at the relieved sigh he hears from the latter, and he thinks his heart might die from heart failure at the amount of warmth it's filling with, "Better than all right, even."
Louis' eyebrows raise, "Yeah? Better?"
Harry nods, "Yeah," he says softly.
A split second decision; Harry makes lots of split second decisions. He makes one right now as he gently brings his hand to brush softly against Louis' arm, trying to signal it would be alright. It's brief, so brief, and so subtle it could be mistaken as an accident or trick of mind, but he notices Louis jolt. He's not blind, no, he sees the way Louis jolts into the touch, the way his blue irises grow bluer and softer, the ways his eyes grow just a smidge softer, the way his hand still on his elbow feels less heavy and urgent, more relieved.
Harry feels so warm.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" Louis calls questioningly, as Harry starts to head out the door.
Harry looks back, feeling the most relaxed he'd felt in months, a small smile appearing on his lips, as he glances back at the boy before him, who's remarkably shorter than him, fringe messy, eyes azure, cheeks tinted a slight pink, looking slightly ethereal, mumbling a "Yeah," to him, nodding, before he sends one last look at Louis way (who reciprocates), before he turns and leaves.
**
i like how i wrote this chapter weewooweewoo
hope yall like it too and freak out over it
we're two-thirds of the way done.... sometimes i forget how much of a slowburn this fic is
i think i might cry when we finish y&b
depending on when shade posts this it'll either be my birthday yesterday or today (oct 17) and im excited i have friends over but yeahhhh ahah im doing sm better thank u guys for all the compliments <333333
not but fr last chapter's comments made me cry fjkdlsa;f thank u sm for the sweet comments, it makes me so happy :]] keep the comments up they're my source for motivation and writing
no bc u guys acc really motivated me i really thought abt quitting writing and all my hobbies bc i was so unmotivated thank u thank u thank u <333
i wanna adopt u all
- c. <3333 i love u all im here for u :D