N I N A
I can't fucking do this.
Standing in front of my fathers building has me running my hands down my pencil skirt numerous times because they won't stop sweating.
I can feel my lungs close in on me every time I try to take a breath in.
I can't fucking do this.
My appointment with my father is in ten minutes and yet here I am, standing outside the entrance contemplating whether I should suck it the fuck up and walk in or run the other way and pretend like this day never happened.
My blouse is sticking to my skin because of the heat and nerves and my toes are practically sticking together inside my heels.
"Dammit I can't do this." I whisper to myself and turn the other way to leave. But then I stop after the second step and take a huge breath in.
"Fuck it." I turn back around and walk right into the building.
The worst that could happen is him not wanting anything to do with me which is what I expect. I mean, I would love for him to want to now be apart of my life because I've always wanted to have a father but if not, I won't go and cry about it.
I walk up to the receptionist desk and put on a fake smile.
"Hi, I have an appointment with Thomas Jackson at noon." I tell the older lady sitting behind the desk.
She looks up at me quickly before typing away at her computer but then does a double take with wide eyes.
"Oh!" Her eyes scrutinize my face for a moment before blinking rather quickly. "I'm sorry you just..."
The lady doesn't add on to what she was about to say but I can already think of what the next words out of her mouth would be.
I look just like him.
I just keep a smile on my face and wait for her to check me in before she tells me that I'm able to head up to his office.
I can see from my peripherals that her eyes are following my every movement to the elevator but I ignore her and press the up button. I wait a few seconds before walking into the elevator and pressing the highest number.
Once the doors close, I lean against the mirrored wall and take quick breaths in. My heart is beating erratically and my curls are sticking to my forehead. I unbutton the first button of my blouse to try to loosen the material in order for me to breath better but nothing is working.
My grip on the handle bar tightens when the ding of the elevator is heard. The doors open and an expansive seating area with a windowed office in the middle of it is shown.
If I wasn't so nervous about being here I would've admired the interior design of the area. Huge planted plants are on either side of the couches against the walls and the round clear glassed table sitting in the middle of the room has beautiful gold crystal designs on the legs of it.
There's a dark wooden desk in the corner where there's a young man typing away at his computer. He doesn't notice me yet until I clear my throat.
"Excuse me." I mumble out with a surprisingly clear voice.
The man's head shoots up at sound of my voice and smiles.
"Are you Mr. Jackson's twelve o'clock?" He asks me. I nod and he stands up from his chair and ushers me into my fathers office.
"Mr. Jackson will be here shortly. Would you like anything to drink?"
I shake my head no and he leaves me in the office of the man who abandoned me before I was even born.
My leg starts to bounce uncontrollably and I look around the office to see that it's quite bland. No decorations. No pictures that I can see. Just a huge mahogany colored desk with the view of the city standing behind it with the floor to ceiling window.
I'm starting to get hot so right when I pull my hair up with my hands, the sound of the door opening causes me to drop my hands immediately on my lap.
I watch as the dark, over six foot man walks around his desk and takes a seat in his chair. He hasn't looked at me yet but just the sight of him in person causes my eyes to start stinging with emotion.
I can't believe my father is sitting right in front of me.
"I'm Thomas Jackson," his deep voice brings me back to reality. "It says for our appointment that you're here for an internship with us?"
I furrow my brows in confusion but quickly mask it. Xavier must've put that as an excuse.
I clear my throat and cross my leg over the other. "Actually...." I hesitate for a moment.
What do I say? That I'm here because I'm his daughter? That I came here to know why he left my mother while she was pregnant with me?
"Actually...?" My father looks up at me finally and crosses his arms over his chest.
The moment his eyes meet mine, I feel like I'm about to lose it. Our features are practically the same. Same eyes. Same nose. Same lips. It's uncanny really. I feel my heart jump in excitement that I've finally met my father. I feel oddly happy that this man right here looks so much like me. He has to know that we're related. It'd be ludicrous for him not to think that. The only thing I have of my mothers are my high cheek bones and curly hair. Even though my curls are tighter than hers, if we were standing side by side then you'll know that she is in fact my mother.
"I'm sorry," I shake my head with a laugh. "I am here for the internship." I lie and stick my hand out for him to shake.
"I'm Giannina Adams." I smile.
He shakes it without a care in the world and my smile falters at the non-familiarity he has with my name. I know he knows the name of the child he abandoned because of my mothers letters but I guess it explains his lack of knowledge because they were always sent back.
"Very well." He removes his hand from mine and starts to go through some papers on his desk. "It appears that I don't have your resume here with me. Would you mind telling me a bit about yourself and why you feel you are a good candidate to intern here."
I start to fiddle with my fingers and adjust myself and few times. I look around the area again to keep myself from looking at the man in front of me. With the sound of a throat clearing, my head shoots up the my father who has his brow arched at me.
"I lied." I close my eyes tightly and bow my head low to keep myself from shaking with emotion. "I lied about being here for the internship."
When I open my eyes, I see him looking at me with a questionable look. The questionable look soon turns into anger and he goes to grab the telephone on his desk.
"Unbelievable." He mumbles and clicks something on the phone before I hear the voice of his assistant.
"Sir?"
"Get me security." He growls before slamming on the end button.
My eyes bulge out of my sockets and my hands go up to stop him.
"Wait! Please no, I'm here for a reason I promise!" I plead. A single tear falling from my eye.
He stands up from his desk and brings a hand out to shush me. "I don't want to here it. This shit happens all the time and I'm fucking sick of it! If you fucking reporters want intel on me then you can get it somewhere else."
I stand up to when he starts to march over to me. I take a step back and plead for him to listen to me.
"I'm not a reporter!" I yell. When he stops and urges me to continue, I take in another breath before continuing. Here goes nothing.
"My name is Giannina Adams. I was born August 19, 2003 here in California. My mother interned here over nineteen years ago. Her name is Annabelle Adams."
My father looks at me with a puzzled expression. His brows are furrowed like he's thinking and then his eyes go wide.
"Who did you say your mother was again?" He takes a step closer to me. Out of nerves, I take one back but end up bumping into his desk hard causing a few things to fall to the floor.
"Oh my god." I bend down to pick everything up and place it back on his desk. "I'm so sor—" My apology is cut short when I pick up a picture frame.
In the frame is a picture of my father with a man who looks to be a year or two older than me with his arm over my fathers shoulder and an older black woman to his side smiling with a toddler on her hip.
My hands start to shake with the frame in them but it's quickly pulled out of my grasp by an angry Thomas.
I look up at him looking at the picture then at me and curses under his breath. I catch sight of a shinning silver platinum ring on his left ring finger and it feels like my world came crashing down.
Two guys come storming into the office but Thomas demands they leave. I'm still on the floor shaking like a leaf at my discovery.
"You have a family." I whisper looking at him. I can give two shits that I'm crying in front of him.
He sighs and runs a hand down his face.
"Been married for twenty three years."
Been married for twenty three years....
I stand up quickly and wipe away my tears. It feels like my heart has just been shattered. My father has a whole other family and was married when I was conceived. I have two siblings that I didn't have knowledge of and my sperm donor left my mother because he was already married to another woman.
"So...I...you—" I stammer out. Not finding the right words to say. My nose is all stuffed up and my throat is closed up with the need to ball my eyes out.
My father never wanted me because he already had a family.
"I need to go." I grab my purse and exit his office with him calling out my name.
The moment the elevator doors open, a hand pulls me back by my arm and I'm spun around to face the man who ruined me and my mothers life.
"I will pay you to keep this from coming out."
I scoff and pull my arm from his grasp. "You want to shut me up by paying me? Why? You don't want your family to know that you knocked up someone else and that you have another kid?" I hiss out.
Thomas just glares at me and looks behind him to make sure his assistant isn't listening before pulling out a check book.
"How much."
I look from him to the little book in his hand and my tears fall harder now.
"I don't want your money." I state, spinning around to press the button to the elevator again.
"Then what do you want, huh? Full scholarship to your dream school? A car? A job?" Thomas lists out everything but I want none of that.
I look back at him when the elevator opens again.
"I wanted a father."
I walk inside the elevator and press the grand floor and watch his face fall right before the doors close.
I choke on a sob and lean my head against the wall. I can't fucking breath. I expected this. I knew he didn't want me but it still hurts to be rejected by the man who was suppose to nurture me and raise me and love me.
The elevator doors open but before I can exit, a familiar face is looking right at me.
Dark blue eyes bore into mine and with his features being so familiar to the man who I thought I loved causes me to break down.
"I got you, gorgeous." Damien grabs onto me and ushers me outside the building and away from prying eyes as I try to control my sobs.
"What are you doing here?" I ask with a shaky voice and push him away so I can turn around to face a wall so that he doesn't see how broken I look.
"I have a meeting with the CEO." He says gently grabbing my chin to turn my face to his. "What are doing here?"
I laugh humorlessly and shake his grip off my chin.
"I just met my father."
Damien stills next to me and I look at me to see his eyes are more hallow then usual and there are dark bags under them.
"Are you okay?" I genuinely ask, remembering the last time I saw him coughing up blood in Vincent's kitchen.
Damien only shrugs and pulls me into a hug.
"Peachy, gorgeous." There's a long pause before he clears his throat. "So, your father is..."
"Thomas Jackson." I finish for him. I pull away to see that his eyes are narrowed and the vein on his forehead is more prominent.
"I see." I pull away from the hug and right when his mouth opens to say something else, my phone beeps.
I take out my phone from my purse to see a text from Vincent.
Vincent: We need to talk.
Putting my phone away, I smile up at Damien and leave a kiss on his cheek.
"I know you said that you're peachy, but if you ever need anything then don't be a stranger." I start to walk down the sidewalk away from my fathers building and Damien.
I feel cold. I feel tired. I feel so absolutely done that I don't think anything else can beat just how shitty I feel right now. How unwanted I feel.
"Nina!"
I turn around at the sound of Damien's voice.
"Take care of yourself okay?" He smiles but his eyes look weary. It's like he knows I'm about to just give up.
I smile back with a wave.
"You too!"
Getting into my car, I sit in the drivers seat for ten minutes just crying and letting out all the tears that were built up in my eyes. My chest burns and aches with rejection of my father and my hands won't stop shaking.
Putting the car in drive, I exit the parking spot and start heading over to my teachers house.
*****
I actually started tearing up while writing this 🫠
Working on the next few chapters now and will post soon. Like soon soon I ain't playing.
Well maybe idk I get distracted easily lol