Amelia's outfit above.
Amelia Black
"Have you really signed an NDA?" I ask Dr Sloan once we seat in office. It's different from his wife's. This is darker and moodier.
"Yes, of course." He smiles.
I look at Adam who looks bored yet utterly handsome then look back at the doctor I get distracted. "And you're fine with me being here?"
"Of course. I noticed some tension between you and Adam outside. Would you like to discuss that?"
Before I can speak, Adam looks at him. "Why should I let you to talk to my wife, Sloan?" His answer makes me irritable. "You don't get to decide who I speak to."
"I would like to talk to both of you. Together."
"Like couple's therapy?" I ask, excited. I never thought I would do something like this but maybe it could benefit Adam and I.
"Yes."
"No." Adam says so I look at him and give him a pleading look. "I want to do this."
He takes his time, staring at me like he's in a battle with himself then he softens. "Fine."
I plaster a smile for him but he looks away.
"So what is going on?" Dr Sloan asks. "I've been getting a cold shoulder for the past two days." Adam surprises me by answering first.
"Because we had a fight and you chose your ex over me and then, I found out the past two years of my life have been a lie." I retort and he rolls his eyes. "I didn't choose her."
"You believed her over me."
Dr. Sloan frowns and writes something down on his notebook. "There seems to be an issue of miscommunication. Why don't you each run me through what happened?"
I go first and explain the events that took place the night of my graduation and everything that happened after.
Adam decides to not say anything so Dr Sloan looks at him. "Adam, why do you let Amelia carry out these assumptions about Giselle?"
Again. Silence.
"In our last couple of sessions, we spoke about you opening up. Are you still willing to try?"
"I am trying. I just don't know what to do anymore."
"How about you start with the truth? The only thing holding you back is your fear." Dr Sloan say so I ask, "What are you afraid of you?"
Adam is so strong and powerful and he took care of himself his whole life. Sometimes I forget that no matter what, he's still young and trying to figure things out.
"It's okay to tell her." Dr Sloan encourages.
I look at my husband and his jaw is clenched. He swallows hard and whispers, "Losing you."
I feel my eyes watering. "Adam, you won't lose me because of something you did in the past. We all have are our share of mistakes."
I don't care about his past. It's just frustrating that he has all these secrets. I sigh and push my hair back as if it will make everything better,
He looks at me. "You think you want to know everything but trust me, you don't. My past is a burden on me. I don't want that for you."
"You can't protect me from everything."
"Watch me." He says, putting on a cold expression. Ugh!
"See! He's impossible!"
"So then how does this work?" Dr Sloan asks.
"It just does." I love him.
"If you don't mind me asking, what is the nature of your physical relationship?"
My cheeks heat up. When I glance at Adam, his expression hasn't changed. In fact, he looks bored. "We don't really have one."
"You mean you haven't?" The doctor asks with a raised eyebrow and I shake my head and he smiles. "I have to say I'm surprised, but proud of you for taking my advice, Adam."
My eyes widen. "Wait. What?! This is why you want to wait?"
Holy shit.
"You didn't tell her?" Dr Sloan asks but Adam stays quiet.
"He never tells me anything and that is not how a relationship works! We keep running in circles because you're so damn stubborn. There is no progress!"
"Adam, do you agree with what you're wife is saying?"
"I don't know." He answers. He seems to be here but not here. His mind is somewhere else.
"Why don't you want to move forward like she said?"
Anxiety and panic rushes over me. "Because he doesn't want this. He doesn't want me."
Adam looks at me. "What?"
"I practically forced you to be with me when you weren't ready. That is why you don't want to try. I know you care about me but you're never going to lo-"
"That's enough!" He snaps then looks at me. "You are way off, you don't know what you're saying." He says then walks out of the room.
Arghh!!! He frustrates me and his therapist notices it when he looks at me.
"There's so much going on in his head. It's a difficult thing for anyone but Adam keeps it in. He's good at putting on a front which is why more often than not he has these outbursts."
"Do you think he's better off without me?" I ask, terrified. If I'm the source of all these outbursts he keep having, maybe I'm not good for him.
"You're what he needs and despite everything, he is very self aware. He hates therapy more than anything in this world but he started again because he wants to be a good husband to you."
"Really?" I ask, feeling a glimmer of hope and Dr Sloan nods with a soft smile. "But how do I get him to open up?"
"Give him a push. Just like you did today. It's just a process."
I'm surprised to see Adam leaning against his Maybach when I go outside.
"I thought you left."
He looks me straight in the eye. "I will never leave you."
He opens the door for me and we get in. He pretty much ignores me and works on his laptop till we are about seven minutes away from home. He glances at me and I scowl. "You're upset. Come here." He reaches for me.
I push his hand away. "No."
"Stop being so stubborn."
"Tell that to yourself." I reply.
"If this about what you said in there-"
"You're the most confusing and annoying person I've ever come across!" I snap.
"And you're the most stubborn and infuriating person I know!"
I gasp. "How dare you!"
He looks mad. "No. How dare you? How dare you question how I feel about you when it is nearly impossible for me to do anything when you're around! Your scent alone drives me insane. From the moment we bumped into each other, you're all I can think of, day and night! What I feel for you is too damn much-"
I scoff. "Oh, I'm sorry if-"
"I'm not done. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life which is why I'm not going to fuck things up by telling you my deepest and darkest secrets. I need you." He says.
****
After we got back home, Adam pulls my hand and takes me to the dining. The tension between us is so thick but we are both quiet and I'm still reeling from what he said in the car.
Our chef made his delicious raspberry cheesecake while rest of the food is covered with silver dishes. "Yay."
I didn't realize I said that out loud till Adam looks at me with his lips curved up. "So dessert first?"
"I need to change." I reply then head upstairs without looking back.
I take off my dress and wear a comfortable Skims shorts and top. I sit on my couch and start watching TV. I'm avoiding Adam because sometimes I just don't know how to be with him.
He needs me. That's what he said. My stupid heart flutters, remembering how raw and honest he sounded. "Fuck." I whisper.
Sometimes it's easier to believe that he doesn't care than to acknowledge how much he does.
I was almost halfway through Clueless when Adam comes in with a plate of cheesecake. "Why didn't you come down to eat? Are you still not talking to me?"
"I forgot." I lie and from the look on his face he doesn't believe me.
He sits next to me and drops the plate on the coffee table. "Eat this at least." He holds a fork of the cheesecake to my mouth.
"I can feed myself."
"Must you argue with me on everything?"
"I will eat on one condition."
"You're not eating for me. It's your body."
"Fine. Take the food and leave. I want to finish my movie anyway."
"We both know you've watched this movie so many times, you memorize the words. Here." He tries to give another bite but I refuse.
"I want you to talk." I state.
"We just came back from a therapy session."
"Where you barely said anything and that only made me more curious."
"Fine. What do you want to know?"
Everything! But like Dr. Sloan said, it's a process. I need to start small. "Why didn't you tell Liam about our marriage?"
"Because our fathers thought he would do something stupid if he found out, and they needed you two to keep up the ruse."
"Are you sorry?"
He narrows his eyes. "No."
"You hurt him."
"He hurt me by being with you. There was nothing I could do stop it. You didn't remember me. How do you think that made me feel?" He asks.
What does that even mean? He once said he was rude to me because it was the only way he could deal with how he felt.
"You said you knew before we started dating." I mutter.
"Yes. I was told you were my future bride since we were kids but I obviously didn't take it seriously. After I came back here, my lawyers and I were going through some documents and when we saw my shares in Black Enterprise, something was off so I spoke to my father and he told me to go talk to Edward."
"And when was that?"
"That morning. When we bumped into each other. I had just spoken to your dad and he told me everything."
I gape. "That's insane."
He pushes a bite into my mouth. "Eat."
"You know I'm not even mad about this whole marriage thing because every time I think about it, it gives me a headache. What's done is done but I think you should apologize to Liam. He feels betrayed."
Adam raises his eyebrow. "I told him to stay away, that dating you wasn't a good idea."
"But you didn't tell him why."
"I didn't have to. Stop defending him." He says grimly as he feeds me.
"I'm not."
"The hell you aren't."
"Liam looks up to you so much. He thinks the world of you. You should have seen him that night."
"You mean when he punched me?"
"Then he cried, Adam."
He looks at me with cold eyes. "I don't give a fuck. I'm not the sweet big brother you think I am."
I remember how he spoke to Liam. He was cold then too and tough on him but I also know how much he cares.
"You care." I challenge. "You can't hide that from me. I've seen how you are with him."
He ignores that and tries to feed me again. "Here." I shove his hand away. "Call Liam and apologize."
"You've got to be kidding me." He says in disbelief.
"Please."
"Do you have any idea how unhealthy this is?" He asks and I shrug. "Eat or I swear to God, I will drive you back to the clinic and this time, we're sitting with Bridget to discuss your eating disorder."
"Oh my God. Chill."
He glares at me. He's so grumpy. I open my mouth and take the bite. After swallowing. I kept pushing."Then don't call him because of me. Call him because it's the right thing to do."
"I don't have my phone." He says and I grin. "Use mine."
I give him my phone and when he calls, Liam answers immediately. "Hey, what's up?"
"It's me." Adam informs in his deep voice.
"Oh. Listen, I've been meaning to call you to apologize for the other day." Liam says and I smile at Adam, "You don't have to. I should not have kept things from you." He says.
"I mean, it all worked out for the best."
"Yeah. We're good?"
"I mean, I wouldn't mind a new Hublot or something." Liam replied with laughter in his voice.
"Fuck off."
"Love you, bro."
"Bye." Adam hangs up and hands my phone back to me.
I grin at him then wrap my arms around him tightly. He hugs me back and kisses my head. He smells so fucking good. "You're so spoiled. You always have to get your way, don't you?"
"Mmhm."
We pull away after some time and Adam brushes some hair from my face and feeds me more cheesecake. "Why do you like feeding me?"
The corner of his lips turn up. "Because you don't like feeding yourself. Isn't that obvious?"
"Well, I'm full now. Thank you."
"Okay." He says then frowns all of a sudden like he remembers something. "Can I stay?" He asks
"What do you mean?"
"Here. With you."
"Yeah, of course." I chuckle. I want him here. Adam takes care of me more than anyone had."Did you eat?" I ask him.
"Yeah, steak."
"Did you have cheesecake?" I ask and he shakes his head. "Why? It's delicious."
He grabs my chin and kisses me slow and deep, savoring my taste. My eyes are closed as I let him take control of my mouth. "I agree." He smirks and I lean in again, wanting more.
No one kisses the way he does. It's just perfect.
He breaks the kiss and strokes my cheek with the back of his hand and stares deeply into my eyes.
He sighs. "I'm sorry, baby. I know how difficult I can be but I want to make this work more than you know."
"It's just that not knowing all these things makes me get into my mind and I start having a lot of doubts. I trust how you feel about me. I just feel insecure."
He kisses me again, softly. "Don't you know you're my everything?"
"How about Giselle?"
He closes his eyes. "Not this again."
"She seems to have such an important place in your life. She knows you more than I do and that's extremely hurtful."
"She doesn't know anything."
"Why did she break up with you?"
"Why are you so curious about this? Are you also looking for a way out?" He asks with a humorless smile.
"Don't be an asshole."
"I wasn't meant for her. That's all you need to know."
"Why is she still obsessing over you then?"
"Amelia, you are seriously worried over nothing. Giselle is in a relationship. She doesn't want me and even if she does, I don't want her. I want you. My wife."
"Yes, she does! God! It's like she has you under some spell." I tell him and his lip twitches.
"It's not funny! "
"You need to stop worrying about her. Look at how upset you get over her. I like it when you're jealous but I don't like it when you're hurting."
"Tell me why you broke up."
"No."
"Why are you still friends with her?"
"Why are you still friends with Liam?" He retorts.
"He's my brother in law and we're in the same friend group." I feel stupid when I say that and Adam also gives me a pointed look. He's also in the same friend group with her.
"It's different." I insist.
"Tell me how." He says patiently and I feel a tightness in my throat.
I stare at him and think hard but I couldn't even say anything so I burst into tears. "Just go! Be with her. I don't care."
"Amelia, I want to be with you. Forever. You're torturing yourself."
"Stop putting this on me. You took her side!"
"I may have believed what she said but I didn't take her side. I would also come at anyone who threatens our relationship too but she didn't do anything wrong."
"She lied and in that voice message she said I wasn't good enough for you."
"I know. I texted her. I told her my relationship was none of her business and she should keep her opinion to herself."
"When?"
"After you went to bed. Would you like to see it?"
"I believe you." I manage but duck my head and sniffed.
He puts his arms around me. "Baby, please stop crying." He sighs in full resignation and looks down. "She told me she loved me."
"Giselle? Then what?"
I didn't think it was possible for this situation to get more confusing. She said she loved him then broke up with him.
"I replied by telling her I was never going to love her. That I was never going to fall in love with anyone."
My heart drops. "Oh."
"She didn't take it well."
"No shit."
He runs his hand through his hair. "In order to love someone, I must love myself and I didn't. I also didn't care enough to make it work."
"So I was right about you not wanting a relationship." God! I'm such an idiot.
"No!" He breathes, exasperated. "This is why I didn't tell you. It's different now. In Paris, when you told me how you felt, I shut it down because I knew I could never love anyone. I was sure of it but-" He pauses.
"But what?"
"I have never felt as happy as I did when you didn't get back with Liam. When I brought him back, I thought you would choose him but you didn't. I shocked myself by how relieved I was by your decision. I started thinking of you, all the moments we shared.
Everything I felt when I was you. You're the only person I could live with and still not get enough of. I have never cared about anyone as much as I care about you and when we kissed that night, I had never felt more alive. I was overwhelmed by how much I felt for you.
I started thinking of what it would be like to lose you, if you had went with Liam and then had a full blown panic attack for the first time in like five years. Wesley called Sloan so he came and we talked."
"This was when I stayed at the hotel." I recall.
"Yes."
"I threw myself at you and you didn't even want me." I whisper, feeling embarrassed.
"I did! I always have. I was just scared to admit it. I'm not used to feeling like this. Didn't you hear what I just said? After Sloan checked me up, I decided for the first time ever, I wanted to work on myself. I wanted to fight and become better for you."
"Why me?" I whisper, my heart beating with fear. He is always talking about trying and becoming a better man for me and as much as I want that, it freaks me out. Our relationship is so serious because we're married. There's so much at stake.
I know Adam wants this to work. He just has anxiety that he can't control. He's been with so many beautiful women but I'm the one he wants to work for.
"Because after everything we've been through, I know you're the missing part of my soul. Being married to you has improved my life for the better." He explains. I bite my lip and stare in to his eyes then he strokes my cheek softly."I know if I could ever love anyone, it's you."
****
Cryinggggg
****
Adam is finally open up. What do guys think about that?
Do you believe secrets destroy relationships?
Do you think Adam is capable of being truly, deeply, madly in love with Amelia?
All the love.