Growing Pains

By actuallyitsmonica

108K 7.8K 10.7K

In the day-to-day trenches of high school, it is almost the default-setting to believe we are the main charac... More

Teaser
Character List
Character Moodboards
Chapter 1 - Making it to school was an inevitable defeat
Chapter 2 - First impressions were everything
Chapter 3 - I was winning at life
Chapter 4 - We got in trouble
Chapter 5 - Same old shit but a different day
Chapter 6 - There was nothing tempting about a bad boy
Chapter 7 - Life was a favor I was doing someone else
Chapter 8 - I didn't feel inspired
Chapter 9 - I had lunch with no one
Chapter 10 - I don't really follow crowds
Chapter 11 - Your secret's safe with me
Chapter 12 - I believe you had something to tell me
Chapter 13 - This was a hostile work environment
Chapter 14 - This is a waste of my time
Chapter 15 - You don't think school is a machine of oppression?
Chapter 16 - She was going to regret this
Chapter 17 - I was having a fever dream
Chapter 18 - I was going to have the worst night of my life
Chapter 19 - Life had given me so much anger
Chapter 20 - A liar just like me
Chapter 21 - The sun wasn't the only star in the universe
Chapter 22 - It was just a dream
Chapter 23 - He made being alive seem very easy
Chapter 24 - Pretending until it became true
Chapter 25 - He was being ridiculous
Chapter 26 - We were on top of the world
Chapter 27 - I had to apologize
Chapter 28 - You just need to calm down
Chapter 29 - Life was both beautiful and devastating
Chapter 30 - I felt like passing out
Chapter 31 - I just had no real interest in being alive
Chapter 32 - I punched him in the face
Chapter 33 - All boys were liars
Chapter 34 - All I wanted in life was to make her laugh
Chapter 35 - I thought she was a force of nature
Chapter 36 - You really are a mystery to me
Chapter 37 - I just wanted to get on her nerves
Chapter 38 - It's not supposed to be funny
Chapter 39 - Hello, I'm trying my best
Chapter 39 - I needed the validation
Chapter 41 - I was having a bad day
Chapter 42 - I'm plagued by childhood trauma
Chapter 43 - Of course I remembered
Chapter 44 - Carrying all that anger around
Chapter 45 - Something's wrong all the time
Chapter 46 - I'm a secret to myself
Chapter 47 - I had no idea who I was
Chapter 48 - I had grown up an inconvenience
Chapter 49 - Life had a way of making me lose my footing
Chapter 50 - Writing was an out of body experience
Chapter 51 - Both mentally and physically, I was as good as dead
Chapter 52 - I had made a personality of being laughed at
Chapter 53 - I was a hoax
Chapter 54 - You watch too many chick-flicks
Chapter 55 - There was nothing between us
Chapter 56 - My life had become a page-turner
Chapter 57 - Life has given me nothing but the worst of it
Chapter 58 - I want the world to end before I have to become something
Chapter 59 - Nothing made sense anymore
Chapter 60 - It was hope, wasn't it?
Chapter 61 - We just wanna be real
Chapter 62 - You know everything except yourself
Chapter 63 - Thank you for your interest in joining life
Chapter 64 - I forgot what I was waiting for
Chapter 65 - Wanting what I couldn't have
Chapter 66 - It had always been inappropriate to be happy
Chapter 67 - You're not someone people forget
Chapter 68 - To be proved wrong and be made an optimist
Chapter 69 - Desperate, unbearable hope
Chapter 70 - I was the worst person in the world
Chapter 71 - Being with her was the one thing I was really good at
Chapter 72 - Apathy had kept its grip on me
Chapter 73 - I was my own worst enemy
Chapter 75 - It's good to know that life is good
Author's Note

Chapter 74 - Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

241 24 5
By actuallyitsmonica

E T H A N

Usually, I was never in class before I had to, but today was different. Today was the last time I would ever have English with Mr. Wyatt and so today I wanted as much time inside those walls as possible.

He was behind his desk, trying to get rid of a stain on his usual button-down shirt, but he looked up at me when I stopped in front of him, and smiled, a confused look on his face.

"Good morning, Ethan," he said first. "The bell didn't ring yet, did it?"

"No, don't worry. I just– I wanted to come in early to show you this," I said, reaching inside my backpack for the letter I had received in the mail this morning to put down in front of him.

Mrs. Wyatt looked at it, but didn't make any effort to open it. Instead, he looked back up at me and smiled even more than before, this time without the confusion.

"You got in!" he said.

I smiled too. I had been smiling since I got it.

"I got in!" I said, and he walked around his desk to come hug me, the way fathers did on tv. I had never had a father in real life, so I didn't know what to do, and for a while I just stood there, not moving, until it hit me that maybe I could just hug him back.

"This is great," he told me. "This is really great. I'm really proud of you."

I hadn't had the chance to go to the rehab center to tell my mom yet, and when I called last night, she was already asleep, so I hadn't heard her say it yet, that she was proud. I Would she be proud? It was just community college, but it was something.

It was great, really great. Mr. Wyatt said so.

I said thank you when he pulled away, "For all your help and for –"

"No, no, no, none of that," he stopped, pointing at me, "This is about you. You did this yourself. You should be proud, really proud, Ethan."

I opened my mouth again, but then Zoey and Daisy walked in with Luke following close behind them, all of them smiling the same way I had been.

"Drumrolls please," Daisy said, wearing bright yellow jeans. "Guess who's going to college!!"

Next to me, Mr. Wyatt's smiled, "All of you?"

Daisy hit both hands on his desk so it would sound like the drumrolls she had asked for, and said, "All of us!!"

Mr. Wyatt laughed, "Congratulations!"

There was no hugging.

"Unfortunately, I didn't make the cut for my top choice," Daisy went on. "But it's fine. Rejection builds character."

Mr. Wyatt agreed, but before he could say more, Zoey cut in, "She's not telling you the best part! We're gonna be roommates!"

Mr. Wyatt opened his mouth again, but Daisy went on, "We both got partial scholarships for this really good liberal arts college upstate. Are you proud, captain, oh captain?"

"I'm really proud!" Mr. Wyatt said, turning to Luke afterwards, standing behind them with bags under his eyes. "What about you?"

"Film school," he said. "I'm officially off the family will."

Mr. Wyatt laughed. The bell rang. Suddenly everyone was coming in, and everyone had good news. I walked up to my seat in the back but kept listening in on other people's plans for the future.

Jason had gotten a sports scholarship, and so had most other seniors on the team, except for the ones who were getting held back a year on the account of having failed most of their classes. Kylie and Skylar were going to be roommates too, except Skylar had gotten a full scholarship, and Kylie had gotten none, not that she needed it. Allora was on the waitlist for one of the best-ranked colleges in the country but seemed confident that she wouldn't have to wait for much longer.

Someone was going to college in Europe, but Caitlyn stepped in front of me before I could see who it was, pushing my bag off my desk so she could sit on it.

"I have good news too," she said. "And guess what? It doesn't involve a lifetime of debt."

"I'm all ears."

She leaned in to actually pull on one of my ears, and said, "I found a treatment facility for at-risk kids not too far away that offers apprenticeships for people interested in working with them. It starts in September, so I could still help you with the surfing classes during the summer. What do you think?"

"Surfing classes?"

"Yes," she said, pulling her legs up and crossing them on top of the table.

"Caitlyn, get your feet off the table, please!" This was Mr. Wyatt, looking at us from the front of the class, still surrounded by everyone else's good news.

Caitlyn put her legs back down and went on, "I've been thinking. You could probably make some really good money teaching kids how to surf. Tristan says Sam doesn't shut up about it. He's been begging his dad to get him a surfboard. We just have to get him to talk to his friends about it, and we can definitely get a pyramid scheme going on. Sam goes to some fancy private school so we're talking filthy rich parents who like throwing money at their kids. You've essentially hit the jackpot."

I smiled, "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely I am," she said. "Let's eat the rich!"

I smiled some more, "I'll think about it."

She jumped off my desk, but I grabbed her arm before she could leave for her seat at the very back. "What?"

"I think it's really cool that you wanna help kids–"

She shook her head, "I don't care about the kids. I just want their parents' money, Ethan."

I shook my head too, "I'm talking about the treatment center for at-risk kids."

"Oh," she said. "Well, yeah, I've been at risk for years, so I know the area well."

"Guess who's renting a limo to prom?" someone asked behind her. We both turned to see who it was, only to find Isaac walking our way with Edward, smiling from ear to ear.

"Your boyfriend?" Caitlyn asked, unimpressed.

Edward shook his head, "No."

"The football team," Isaac said instead, taking a seat on the desk in front of mine. "Apparently Coach Sargent is paying because we won Nationals. We can all take a plus-one, so you can both come with us if you want."

I said, "Yes, please."

And Caitlyn said, "No."

I looked at her, "Why not?"

"Cause I would rather die."

"I'm going." This was Tristan, standing behind Edward, waiting for him to take a seat, so he could get to his. Edward noticed and said sorry under his breath before sitting behind the desk next to Isaac's like he always did these days.

Caitlyn frowned at Tristan, "Fuck you. You're lying."

"I'm not," he said with a shrug, already on the way to the back. "I'm taking Zoey."

Caitlyn rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll go, but I'm gonna be on shrooms the whole time."

"Alright, alright," Mr. Wyatt said from the front of the class when everyone was done blinding him with the bright futures they had ahead of them. "Everyone sit down."

And everyone did. I looked down at my letter of admission, already folded at a wrong angle on top of my desk from having been sat on. I didn't think I had a bright future ahead of me, if anything, only a dimly lit one, but I didn't care. I straightened out my letter and looked up at Mr. Wyatt when he started speaking again.

"I don't wanna take too much of your time today. I just have a few things to say and then you're free to go celebrate. So, first things first, congratulations on making it to the last day of class! A round of applause for everyone please!"

Everyone clapped, even Tristan and Caitlyn, who said at the same time that they always thought they would die before they could finish high school.

"Believe it or not, I'm well aware of how excruciatingly hard high school can be, so I really do mean it when I say congratulations," Mr. Wyatt said, turning around to write something on the board. "This is my personal email. In the future, if you need to, you can write to me. I might take a few hours to reply, if I'm really busy, maybe a few days, but I'll always reply, alright?"

I wrote his email on the back of my hand.

He went on, "It really was a pleasure having you in my class. You're an exceptional group of people and I'm very glad I got to be a part of your lives, even if for just a year. I wish you all the best for your future. Whatever you decide to do with it, I can only hope it makes you happy. That's all anyone should hope to be, in my personal opinion."

No one said anything. No one even moved.

"Right, that's it. Class dismissed. I hope to see everyone this weekend. Yes, the rumors are true. I've been asked to chaperone your prom, so this isn't the last you'll see of me."

"Will we get to see you dance?" Kylie asked, already up from her seat in the front, her bag on her shoulder. Around her, others started to get up too, but no one seemed in any real rush to leave like they usually did at the end of class.

"Maybe, who knows?" Mr. Wyatt said, "Everyone's going, right?"

And everyone answered at once. Yes, they were going, and they were taking so and so with them, and wearing this or that, and going here or there for the after party, and if they weren't going, then it was because of etcetera, etcetera.

Isaac got up in front of me, and threw his backpack on his shoulders, "Right, let's go. I'm really fucking hungry. I didn't have breakfast this morning."

Edward got up too, "Why not?"

I answered before Isaac did, "Cause he dropped his toast on the sidewalk when we were leaving this morning and –"

"And you didn't let me go back to make more –"

"Cause we were going to miss all the good waves."

Edward smiled and followed us to the door. We said goodbye to Mr. Wyatt before we walked out, and he stopped what he was saying to Luke to try and convince him to go to prom, waved at us, and said, "Seize the day, boys."

And then Daisy said, from the bottom of her lungs, "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may!"

I didn't know what that meant, but I knew how to seize the day. I thought one way or another, we all did. 

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