I keep catching myself staring at him. Four. Still a weird name, Christina had been right that first day. Four fears, something unheard of. Especially from an Abenagation transfer. Well, him transferring from Abnegation had already been unheard of. Four's full of surprises.
As I wander through the compound, I drink from the cup Christina pushed into my hands. I'm well aware it's alcohol, but at this point, I can't bring myself to care. My hair itches under my cap and I scratch at it through the fabric.
A buzz is beginning to hum inside my head–drunk. I'm getting drunk. The thought makes me laugh, I stand on my tiptoes and spot Four. He's obviously not sober. Maybe a bit more than I'm going to be in a few minutes, but still I can see it in the way he's standing.
Normally he'd be all militant and upright, like a ruler. But his head tilts back as he slightly sways. It's odd seeing him like this. I doubt he even knows I'm staring at him. I gulp down the rest of the contents in my cup, cringing at the absolutely horrible taste.
I don't like getting drunk, but the feeling of being drunk isn't so bad. It's getting drunk that sucks for me. My nose is so keen I can smell the alcohol in anything. Even in those silly fruity wine coolers, the alcohol smell beats the smell of the fruits mixed in. That's what he seems to be drinking.
Four and wine coolers aren't something I ever expected to see. It makes me laugh as I push past the party. I was officially Dauntless. I hadn't thought I'd get first place in the rankings but somehow I surpassed everyone. Tris was second. We lost more than we kept though, but my favorites survived. Along with Peter of course. He's like a cockroach in that way, he never leaves.
I can tell when Four notices me, he gives me a professional, proper nod of approval and my stupid heart soars. He's never given me much more than that. A "good job" here and there but I'm not sure why his little nods make me react so. Maybe it's because I never see him do it with the others. He's much more verbal with them.
And usually, he's criticizing the others.
"Hey, Four." I wave at his friends.
"Top of your class, good job, Rita." He tips his bottle at me and I feel my heart jump again. My stomach twists with excitement as I beam at him. The feeling in my head makes me act a bit out of turn.
Lauren's with him and she gives me a high five, "I knew you'd do well, nobody realizes that you've had it harder than any of us ever did," Even now, I still can't escape my Factionless birth. But at least now, it's a badge of pride rather than something I'm made to feel embarrassed about.
But the surprise that I of all people placed first kind of irks me.
"Thank you, Lauren, I'm just glad I even survived at all."
She raises her cup, "Cheers to that, do you have a drink? One second." She retreats and so does the other person with her. Leaving him and me. Alone.
That stupid thing in my chest pounds so loud I can't bear it. I bring a hand up to my forehead and Four leans toward me, "You okay?" He's so close I can smell the stinky alcohol on his breath. There's an undertone of strawberry but I still cringe. "Sorry," He chuckles and I realize that's the first time I've heard him laugh.
"Oh, I'm fine. Just a bit buzzed."
"You've never been drunk before?" He asks and I shake my head, "It's not so bad after that first time, just something you either get used to, or never do again."
I nod, "Don't think I'll be doing it again. I had to choke down my first drink." A real laugh sounds from him. From the way he leans back, I can tell it came right from within his chest. My lips twitch into a smirk.
"Alcohol is pretty terrible," To argue his point, he throws back whatever was left in his bottle. "But I like making myself suffer so," Four shrugs as I furrow my eyebrows at him. He always does this.
Says something serious with a casual air around it. "We have that in common, it seems." I would be lying if I said I never sabotage myself. It's almost an instinct of mine to jump to the defense and it's gotten me in trouble many times.
Shutting my mouth just isn't my thing. Especially now with that drink in my veins. "You're way more buzzed than I realized."
"What?" He's got that stupid pretty smile on display. It takes me a moment to recover.
"I saw you from back there, you look good." Oh, Allah. I feel like punching myself for being so inappropriate. I'm probably a kid to him–
"You do too," There's something about the way he says those three words that make my throat dry. It might have something to do with the way his dark eyes are forcing my attention on his. I can't help but scan over his pretty face. He's so pretty it hurts.
I feel childish and so annoying for gaping at him that I look at the floor out of embarrassment. My cheeks are tinted red as I crane my neck to get a good view of the concrete. Four's laugh makes me drag my head back up.
"You okay?" He says again, this time with a grin. I get lost in him again. "Rita?" I snap out of it right when his hand touches my cheek. His hand is somehow warmer than my rosy cheeks. I nod, gulping down nothing which hurts.
"Just loud is all."
Four pulls away and looks over his shoulder, "Wanna see something cool?"
Cool? I'd never expect him to use that to describe even cool air. "Yea," I'm a bit confused but I follow after Four as he leads me down toward the living quarters.
I have yet to find an apartment to my liking, my ranking granted me any pick of the available lots. I chose to live alone even when I was given such a funny look. Dauntless are pack animals but I'm Fractured through and through. I didn't even like sharing a room with Ada but it wasn't an option to argue.
"Where are we going?"
When he looks back to answer, the drunken smile on his face knocks me out. "My place, the view on the balcony this time of year is... you'll see." He surprises me by grabbing my hand.
I don't resist the contact. I just try not to blush any brighter than I already have.
Once we make it onto his balcony I see just what he means. The stars are so bright and on the far side, there's the sun still setting leaving a beautiful gradient painting the sky. I'm in awe as I spin around trying to take it all in.
One, two, three, four, more and more spins until I'm too dizzy (and drunk) to hold myself upright. Four catches me by my elbows, steadying my swaying form.
"Thanks," I whisper still in awe of the world we live in. "Never seen something so pretty before." I'm still looking at him, I'm sure my eyes have turned into heart shapes by now.
Four's adam's apple drops and rises as he takes a deep breath. I want to kiss him so badly. My eyes flit back and forth between his eyes and his lips. Something takes hold of me as I raise up onto my tippy toes to kiss Four's stupid face.
I stumble into him as I do so and he laughs but catches me by my waist before returning my kiss with a bit of awkwardness. It's hard for it not to be, we're both drunk and he's only just become my equal. But the sensation is amplified as far as I can tell. Everything seems to feel better when properly buzzed.
His hands on my hips only make me more feverish. When I draw back, I see his eyes are closed, and can't help but lean back up to kiss him once more. He's so beautiful it makes my heart ache.
Four's eyes fall open and he pulls me close, I wrap my arms around his chest, slipping them under his arm and hugging him. My head rests above his heart and it's pounding nearly as fast as my own. That thought makes me smile.
"Can't believe you got me all alone just to kiss me," He murmurs and I giggle at his silly joke.
"Sure it wasn't the other way around," I draw back just enough so I can look up at him, eyebrows raised in question.
Four rolls his eyes and hugs me again, kissing the top of my head softly.