When Erwin returned to his apartment, he was greeted with a round of loud whoops and yells from the living room—mainly from Hange.
"Prince charming is home!"
She sang with much enthusiasm for someone who crashed into someone else's apartment with no permission.
Sitting on the grey couch near her was the one and only Levi, who had a casual arm draped over the furniture and his other hand holding a cup by its rim. He sent the enthused brunette a look of displeasure. "Pipe down, Hange. You'll annoy the other units."
"I thought the walls are soundproof?"
"Then, you're annoying me."
"Harsh!"
Erwin placed his shoes on the shoe rack by the entrance and shrugged his coat off, hanging it on the coat rack stand. He strode over towards the coffee table in front of the couch to place his briefcase, before he slumped on the one-seater recliner across Levi.
His apartment was far too wide for one man to live in. A large glass window panned beyond the living room, giving them a panoramic view of the city and the river far beyond. It had a color scheme of neutral, something Hange had commented as 'boring', hence it 'suited him', and a doorway to the right led to a small kitchen. There were two bedrooms, one of them Erwin had used as a study room, and two bathrooms, one located beside the kitchens area, one located inside Erwin's bedroom.
His sour demeanor caused Levi and Hange to swap looks, the former raising a silent brow and the latter shrugging her shoulders.
"This is why I told you we shouldn't have crashed into his apartment for no reason," Levi pointed out before he brought his cup to his lips, taking a sip of the drink, which happened to be his favorite brew of tea.
"How did you enter?" Erwin finally asked, too exhausted to open his eyes. "You don't have the key to my—"
"It was me," came a voice that sounded like it was from the kitchen.
They all turned to see a blond man with gentle features step out, carrying a silver tray where a pile of bread, a glass pitcher and two empty glasses stood. He gave Erwin a semi-apologetic look. "Sorry, Hange said she wanted to throw a celebration."
Erwin sat straighter as he watched the blond—Mike Zacharias, place the tray on the table and pour water on the glasses.
"Celebration?"
"For your reunion with Isa!" Hange piped up. She had seated herself beside Levi and was facing Erwin.
The mention of her name brought an uncomfortable churn in Erwin's stomach, and Mike was the only one who noticed the slight grimace on his face.
Hange continued to ramble on as she held an empty glass. "Lucky you, Erwin. I wanted to meet her too. But Mike said we should let you have your alone time first, and then we can all get together! I was thinking we could hang out at Levi's bar—"
"Tea shop," Levi interrupted with a scowl. "For the last time, four eyes, it's a tea shop."
Hange shrugged. "Oh. I still can't get over you opening up a tea shop, of all things."
"Shut up. It's my life."
"Your second one," she corrected, shooting him a finger gun and a wink, before she paused and gasped. "Wait, we don't know that. What if this isn't actually our second life, but we just don't remember? What if—"
Mike calmly shoved a sliced bread into her mouth, muffling her next words. "You can share your theories on reincarnations next time. For now, let's ask Erwin how Isanna's doing."
All three heads turned to Erwin, who had gone silent and was just listening to them, not having the energy to join in their conversation. He sighed at the sight of Hange with her mouth full of bread. It may have been their second shot at life, but her tendency to ramble on never changed. Well, at least there's one thing that stayed the same. He couldn't say the same for his relationship with Isanna.
"So?" Hange prodded with a glint of excitement in her eyes. "How is she?"
As they eagerly waited, Erwin realized he didn't know where to start. 'Isanna's doing fine', just leave it at that? It wasn't like it was a lie; she was doing fine.
He was the one who wasn't.
"She's doing well," Erwin eventually said, keeping it short and straight to the point.
Mike arched a brow. "And yet you don't look happy. What happened?"
Mike had always been quite the observant one, ever since way before. Sometimes Erwin admired that trait of his, and sometimes he dreaded it. This was one of those times. He still didn't know how to break it to them that Isanna was enga—.. he still didn't even want to think about it, much less say it.
Erwin glanced at his hand, his left ring finger, that same one that used to wear his ring with her in the past life.
He remembered when his memories came back. It had been during the summer of his second year in high school. He was at the living room, doing some advanced study to pass his time (he was a consistent top student, not surprising), and he heard a loud clang in the kitchen where his father had been. Rushing, he'd arrived at the kitchen to see a knife with fresh blood on the floor, and his father sheepishly smiling at him whilst he rubbed the back of his head with his uninjured hand. Erwin had immediately went to work to help him rinse the blood off his hand, and it was then did his eyes zero in on the bloodied wedding ring on his father's ring finger.
He recalled how a scene of him lying on the grass, hand-in-hand with a woman, their engagement rings coated in their dying blood, had flashed in his mind. That had been the trigger for his memories.
Then Erwin remembered he'd fallen into a high fever and was bedridden for an entire day after that. The overwhelming rush had been too much for his body.
Ever since then, Erwin had been on the search for Isanna. Down the years, he'd eventually met with his old friends from the past, and all of them had been looking for the opportunity to get together like in the past—only this time, they were not getting together for war. They were getting together, hanging out like the average middle-aged adults in modern society.
At least, that had been Erwin's plan, before he ran into Isanna with Zeke.
Life must really hate him, he thought bitterly.
"She's engaged," he finally said after a long silence. And even after his sudden declaration, another bout of silence fell in the room.
He said it. He really said it. And now that he did, the weight of the truth felt heavier. He didn't even want to look at their faces. Erwin just wanted nothing more but to sleep his worries away; he still had papers to check, and besides, he had plenty of time to mope around and feel miserable the next day.
Hange had her jaw hanging open, Erwin was surprised it didn't detach itself from her face.
"She.. what?"
"Don't make me repeat it," Erwin said with a sigh, running a palm down his face.
Hange lifted her glass and downed her drink in huge gulps, as if the revelation suddenly made her feel dehydrated.
Levi scoffed and brought his tea to his lips. "Explains why you look so constipated."
Mike gave Levi a 'you're-not-helping-the-situation' frown (in which Levi blatantly ignored), before he turned to Erwin, this time, with a look of concern. "With whom?"
That was the question Erwin dreaded to answer. In the end, he realized beating around the bush wasn't going to make his situation better. So he decided to suck it up and disclose the bomb information—but still, he didn't want to say that bastard's name.
"Eren's.. half-brother, so to speak."
Silence.
Just as Erwin expected, the information took all of them by a storm. The only thing lacking was a loading sign above their heads; he might as well have told them titans had suddenly sprouted in the middle of the city and the apocalypse had begun.
When the revelation finally sank, it was an uproar of different reactions all at once.
Mike froze (his was the only normal reaction). Levi looked like he was somewhere between outrage and disgust. Hange spat out a mouthful of water and started hacking up coughs.
"Hange, that's fucking disgusting," Levi spat as he leaned away, before he turned to Erwin, scowl deepening. "And did you say that woman.. got engaged to Zeke fucking Yeager?"
"Don't jump to conclusions, Levi!" Hange cried, finally moving on from her hacking fit. She was still in disbelief. "Maybe Eren has another half-brother? There's no way Isa would stoop so low!"
Mike was the only one who at least tried to remain calm. He hadn't met this Zeke Yeager (at least, not in human form), but he'd heard stories from Levi and Hange—none of them good. Apparently, the guy had caused a lot of trouble for them in the past life, and he had the mouth of, according to Levi, a cocky asshole. Actually, Levi had other vulgar synonyms to describe the man, but it'd take forever to iterate each one. Not to mention the censorship.
Coincidentally, it was also the same person who had killed Mike. Isanna really chose the most unexpected man to get engaged to.
"Are you sure?" Mike checked. "You didn't misunderstand or anything, right?"
"No," Erwin said that sounded more like a groan. "She introduced him to me."
Hange balked. "Isa introduced you to your killer?"
"Her taste in men had gotten shit," Levi pointed out dryly, no longer having the appetite to finish his tea.
Mike sighed and stood, heading to the kitchen to get a rag to wipe the mess Hange had made. When he returned to the living room, Hange was throwing question after question towards Erwin, squeezing out every juicy detail out of his encounter with Isanna and Zeke.
"I can't believe this!"
Hange pulled her hair, dramatically throwing her head back and kneeling on the floor like a headless chicken who had gone nuts. She was staring at the ceiling, as if asking the heavens themselves. "Isa, why have you betrayed Erwin?!"
While she was having her overly dramatic monologue, Levi was scowling at his tea lost in his own thoughts with a brooding air curling over him, and Erwin himself looked like his soul got zapped out and he'd lost the will to live.
The entire scene was so chaotic it was almost funny. Fortunately, Mike had enough sense to refrain from laughing.
Because some part of him worried one of the residents in the other units would come banging on the door and kick them out for being so loud.
It seemed as if Mike was the only rational one left in the group. Normally, Erwin would be as well, but seeing his current state of listlessness, Mike highly doubted that Erwin was in the right state of mind to remain composed. It was.. a peculiar sight, seeing Erwin so lifeless. You don't get to see that every day.
You really take a huge toll on him, Isanna, Mike thought.
"Calm down," Mike said as he neared the table and began wiping. "Let's not blame her. She doesn't remember anything."
Hange snapped back to attention and abruptly stood, eyes widened.
"She doesn't remember.." she mumbled, hand on her chin. Mike didn't like where this was going. "So let's make her remember!"
Levi finally looked up from his tea. "And I suppose you have a plan?"
Hange turned around and proudly puffed her chest. "Well, memories usually come back when you subject the reincarnated into something similar they went through in the past life. So.. Ah! We can dress up as titans and—oh, Levi. You can't be a titan. You're too sh—"
A pillow couch smacked her right in the face.
Levi scowled at her. "Even if I were as tall as Mike, I'm not dressing up as a fucking titan. Have you lost your mind? If anything, that'd just re-traumatize Isanna."
Hange chucked the pillow back on the couch and adjusted her glasses, her nose now slightly reddened due to the impact of Levi's throw. She didn't seem to mind.
"So what do you suggest we do? Do you think she'll remember if we throw rocks at her?"
"Enough."
Everybody turned to Mike, who was now regarding them with a piercing gaze. Hange gaped at him, surprised that Mike had actually raised his voice; he rarely ever did that.
"We're not dressing up as titans," he firmly said, pointedly looking at Hange, who deflated in disappointment. "Nor are we throwing rocks at her. Let's not forget: she's engaged, and we can't just ruin her relationship. There's a limitation to how selfish we can be."
His words rang in the air, bringing the silence with it. Eventually, Hange sat back down, sighing. "Right. Sorry. Forget my suggestions."
"Even without Mike, nobody would want to go with your stupid methods," Levi grumbled.
After calming down, the group engaged in a more casual conversation, mostly leaving Erwin out as he made a point that he was too exhausted to join them. After twenty minutes of mindless chatter, Levi and Hange bid their goodbyes and finally left for their respective homes, but not without giving a pat of consolation on Erwin's back (it didn't help his mood, but it was something). The only ones left in the apartment were Mike and Erwin.
Mike had offered to clean up the mugs, especially since they were the ones who had crashed into Erwin's apartment in the first place. All the while Erwin remained reclined in his seat, head thrown back with his eyes closed. Mike could see the stress lines on his forehead and felt bad for him.
"You didn't touch your glass," he pointed out as he plopped on the couch on the other side. "At least hydrate yourself first before you mope in your misery."
Erwin sighed and finally grabbed his glass. He shot him a pointed look. "I thought you were supposed to make me feel better."
"What could I possibly say or do that will make you feel better?" Mike raised a brow. "A hug?"
Erwin frowned at him.
"Oh, right." Mike said, shrugging and leaning back. He folded his arms. "You don't need a hug from me. You want Isanna's hug. But unfortunately, you can't do that right now."
Erwin raised his glass to his lips, grumbling, "Excellent observation, soldier."
"Walls. Is that sarcasm I hear from the great iron commander?"
Erwin downed his glass in one huge gulp, before he slammed it on the table with force that was uncharacteristic of him (miraculously, it didn't shatter) and leaned back, sighing for the umpteenth time that day.
"Tell me this is just a dream," he muttered, eyes trailing on the ceiling.
Mike prolonged a stare. "You sure that's really what you want to hear from me right now?"
A trickling silence filled in the gap of the conversation. The only thing they could hear was the ticking of the wall clock. Below the panned glass window, the city lights decorated the view in a beautiful colorful speck that resembled the stars.
Mike then watched as Erwin aggressively loosened his tie and ran a hand through his hair, messing his neatly-combed hairstyle (which he was aware Erwin spent a good few minutes of his morning routine styling it up before work), and a foreign expression of sheer irritation on him, followed by a click of the tongue. Amazing, Mike thought. It was amazing how much Isanna could impact a man who was usually so composed and level-headed without much effort. Or maybe it was the fact that they were living in a different world, but.. the Erwin in front of him just seemed so new. An Erwin who was not afraid to show his emotions on his face.
Mike enjoyed watching this Erwin. Of course, he didn't mean he liked seeing his friend in distress, but.. it was a fresh change from the iron, robotic commander façade he sported most of the time in the past life. Perhaps, it just went to show how deeply disturbed he was to hear that his fiancée from the past was now the fiancée of another man. Mike couldn't exactly blame Erwin Smith for losing his composure—no matter how put together he seemed in the eyes of others.
"So, what do you plan on doing?" Mike shattered the quietude.
Erwin stayed his gaze on the ceiling. His mind raced back to the reunion he had with Isanna—a reunion with short-lived euphoria. He recalled the way she seemed to be so.. so casual, especially when Zeke had tugged her by the wrist and she just let him. Zeke even called her by her nickname. Every time he thought about it his blood always felt like boiling higher, indignant, before it'd sink with dejection. That seemed to be the two dominant emotions he'd been feeling ever since then: rage and depression. It was always either of the two, vacillating, going up and going down like a never-ending ride.
"There's a limitation to how selfish we can be."
"It's just as you said," he muttered into the still air. "I can't just insert myself needlessly into her life—especially when there's no place for me to."
"Well, you can always just befriend her, you know? Who said you have to watch her from a distance? You're not a stalker."
"I highly doubt that man would let me come near her."
"You can just say his name, it's not like it's a curse word."
Erwin had to stop himself from saying 'For me, it is'. Just hearing the 'Z' in that man's name made him feel like he was seconds from developing a major allergic reaction (probably a recently discovered condition called Zekephobia). Then Erwin realized something with his internal thoughts.
Strange. Since when had he become so petty?
"I'm sure Isanna can make her own decisions," Mike said, standing and stretching. He then rested a hand on his hip and looked straight at Erwin. "You never batted an eye in the face of death in the past life—yet you're letting this faze you?"
Erwin wanted to rebut. 'This is different', but then he realized Mike made a valid point. He was aware—more than anyone else, how pathetic he was being. And dramatic, too. If, in the past life, someone had told Erwin Smith he was going to be re-born to a different universe where he was rolling around, miserable, just because his lover from the past was engaged to another man, he would have just rolled his eyes.
Oh, how the mighty had fallen.
"It's getting late," Erwin said in hopes of changing the topic, glancing at the wall clock and at the glass window. "Shouldn't you be heading home?"
Mike followed his gaze and read the time. "Yeah, I should." He turned to him. "You don't have to see me out. Go get some sleep."
After an appreciative nod from Erwin, Mike ambled towards the front door, leaving behind one last nod before he finally stepped out and shut the door behind him with a click. Erwin was left in his apartment, with an empty glass sitting in front of him and his brewing misfortune.
It seemed like forever when he decided to get ready for the night. The pile of school papers begging to be perused and checked sitting in his study could wait—if some of his students could turn their works past the deadline, he can cut some slack in grading them, right?
He first sent a message to Moblit, apologizing for not picking up his call earlier and explaining that he'd already met up with Isanna. He left the part with Zeke out.
Erwin then stood and headed for his room. It was a simple but spacious room with a double size bed, a bedside table, a desk facing the window, a wardrobe closet and a clothing rack; there was only a minimal décor of an acrylic painting that Mike had gifted him after he bought the apartment, because according to him, 'his room looked too basic'. The rest were just wall-mounted shelves where a few of his achievements during high school years had been neatly arranged, kudos to his father. Erwin's father happened to be one of the few people who had entirely no recollection of the past life, not even the occasional feeling of déjà vu, and while at first Erwin had found it a bit disappointing, he eventually realized his father's lack of memories turned out for the better.
He slid off his tie and took his wristwatch off, setting them on his desk before he made his way towards the bathroom door while uncuffing his sleeves. Stepping in front of the marbled sink, he stared at his reflection on the mirror while he unbuttoned his shirt; his gelled hair had been completely messed up, a few unruly strands were hanging over his forehead, and there was a deep frown on his features.
He looked like he'd aged around five years since this morning. If you consider the events that had occurred hours prior (and its aftereffects to his mental stability and emotional wellbeing), it was understandable.
He sighed, the loudest one yet.
After turning the faucet, the splashing water poured down in a sloshing sound. Erwin placed his hands on the edge of the sink and hung his head, his blond locks tickling his forehead while he watched the water go down the drain in a whirl.
Mike had been right. He shouldn't be selfish and ruin Isanna's relationship in this life just because he couldn't move on. But then a part of him wanted to be selfish—he wanted her to remember. After everything they went through in the past, it just felt downright unfair for her to forget it all. Erwin was stuck. But then, what if her case was similar to his father, doomed to live ignorant of the past for the entirety of this life?
What then?
He tightened his jaw and straightened, finally shrugging his shirt off and flung it at the hamper that was right beside the bathroom door. After stripping off the rest of his clothes, he crossed over the divider and shuffled inside the shower stall. He stood underneath the showerhead for a few seconds of silence, allowing the events of the day to sink in, before he turned the knob on and welcomed the warm drizzling of the water to douse him, steam collecting around the confined space and the soft pitter-patter echoing. He craned his neck with eyes shut close, feeling another deep frown coming back.
He had an inkling he was going to have a long night.
How upsetting.
~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: here is my compulsory modern-Erwin-shower-scene fanservice. If I had the skills of an artist I would have drawn one, but since I don't I'll leave it to your imagination
Modern Erwin is just //chef's kiss//