It was just me and Scotia now, staring at our trays and clenching our utensils a little too tight.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "For what it's worth, I do believe you. Something doesn't feel right here. It never has."
Even our names felt wrong. Gregis had shown us a map of our home planet once and many of the names of each nation had looked similar to ours. It seemed strange to me then, but only now did I question it. If we were all humans, why did we each look different? Why would they gather children from every part of the world during an evacuation? Wouldn't it make more sense to gather whoever was closest?
"But there's nothing we can do about it," she finished for me with a sigh. "I know. That's what you've always done, right? Accepted things as they are."
"Doing otherwise wouldn't change anything," I replied, biting my lip as she rolled her eyes. I could tell she wasn't mad at me but at our situation.
"You don't know that," she said, picking up her tray. "I've always despised that part of you, Indi."
My heart clenched painfully.
"You're one of the smartest among us," she continued, standing above me. "You always have been, but you and Libyci always held yourselves back. You always told yourselves you couldn't change anything so you never bothered to try. Your potential is what I hate the most because you never use it!"
I clenched my teeth, angry at her for being so cruel yet angry at myself because I agreed with her. I knew the exact number of trees in the training room, their every location and height. I could remember how many breaths Gregis took when he was in the room with us. I knew how many steps he took when judging us, how many millimeters he'd grown through the years. I could list every skill and weakness my friends had, from how often they cleaned their teeth to how precise their aim with a paint gun was.
But all those numbers and memorizations were useless when it came to battles and especially when it came to finding answers.
"Just promise me that if we do actually get out of here, you won't hold yourself back," Scotia said, leaning down so she could look me in the eye. "Promise me you'll do everything you can to survive, even if it scares you."
"It's harder than you think." His anxiety overtook his entire body sometimes, making his heart feel ready to burst.
"I know, Indi. I know because I get scared too. So did Congo."
If she was scared, how did she manage to fight so bravely every day? How did she make it look so easy?
"Fear isn't meant to slow us down or scare us away. It's meant to drive us, motivate us to push through it. It makes us stronger in the long run, in here." She pointed at my head, then my heart. "That's what I think Congo would say, at least."
I smiled a little. "He would."
She smiled back and my heart leapt, then her stoic expression returned and the moment was gone. "See you tomorrow, Indi."
"See you."
I cringed as I deposited my tray and headed to the showers.
I hated that our first real conversation happened the day before deployment!