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I N D R A F O R E S T
"Indra, I don't know why you can't give me a couple of bucks." My mother spits out.
"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't have the amount you need." I explain, bitterness laced in my voice. My feet stomp on the pavement, walking to the coffee shop near my house. A gust of wind sneaks inside my thick hoodie, making me shiver all over.
"But you've been working at that vinyl shop for a while now." She pauses, taking a deep breath. "Okay, how about you give me the amount you have right now."
I lift my head up at the cloudless blue sky, the warmth ray from the sun glistens on my face, and a groan slips off my mouth. "Mom, I'm not going to give you three hundred bucks."
"Why-"
"I don't need to tell you why." I snap, running my finger through my hair, gripping it tightly, stopping myself from crying.
I'm such an emotional bitch.
"You've always been so selfish, why can't you be more like your brother." She signs aggressively.
"Then go ask him!" I yell, and people turn to look at me. My eyes widen due to the people's reaction to my yelling. I mouth "sorry" to the people who walk past me with worried facial expressions visible on their faces. I take a deep breath, "Then go ask him for money."
"He already gave me money last week and I don't want to bother him too much. He got a new job, did you hear? He's working very hard and is helping me out." She rants, amusement in her voice. She goes on and on about how amazing my brother is. Does she not realize that I'm her daughter too? I'm still surprised that I haven't even hung up on her.
I don't even know why I answered her call in the first place. Maybe because I had hoped she would call me one day and ask for once If I was okay or maybe say she's proud of me. No matter what my mother does, I hold onto that hope. Hope that she will recognize me without bringing up my brother, hope that she would comfort me when I'm sad, hope that she won't use me for money, and hope for one day, just one day, I will feel the love that my brother receives from her. However, I feel that hope slowly dying in my body with each passing second.
After my dad died, I have never received comfort from anyone, not from my mother, not from my brother, not from anyone in this magnificent world I live in. And at the time, I desired comfort and the only comfort I had was the fake illusion that I created in my head, fantasizing about a life where I was nothing but blissful. A fantasy where my father is alive, a fantasy where my mother loves me, a fantasy where my brother and I are in harmony, and a fantasy of having a family that isn't in pieces.
And you know what sucks, waking up the next day, realizing that none of that shit was real. It was all fake. It causes great pain in my heart to know that I will never find true happiness like all those false realities I have made up in my head because I know I won't be truly happy in this lifetime. Maybe in the afterlife.
"Indra, are you even listening?" She scoffs.
"No, mom, I'm not." I mumble, stopping my movements once I reached the small white-painted coffee shop. Tables and chairs are set up in front of large clear windows, the sun reflecting off the transparent door in front of me not wanting me to miss the perfect sight of it shining, and a small number of people in the coffee shop. I press my hand on the door and push the door open. A wave of radiant heat strikes my body, warming up my body instantly. A strong aroma of coffee and bakery goods slips into my mouth without permission to tease my tongue with astonishing flavors, grumbles erupt my stomach like a volcano. The coffee shop was lit up due to the sunlight from outside, tables and chairs were set up against the light blue-painted walls, almost wanting everyone in here to not experience the full colors of the room, some people were seated on the chairs, and some were waiting in line. "Um, I got to go, mom. Talk to you... whenever you call. Bye."
The only sound coming from the other end of the phone was my mother's breathing then she hangs up, without a goodbye.
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I lightly grip the coffee in my hands as I walk down the muddy trail to the lake. I clench my teeth together and shut my eyes lids shut, lifting my head up at the sky, the sun glimmering off my face. My mom keeps spamming my phone about the amount of money she needs, three hundred bucks, three hundred bucks. Why does she need three hundred bucks for?
I shake my head, I don't care what she needs the money for because I'm not giving her the amount she needs.
Today generally just feels like a shitty day, I've been having constant reminders of my father. My father's laugh was similar to a random stranger who walked past me a few minutes ago. It was high-pitched, kind of annoying, just like mine. Hearing the strangers laugh makes me want to curl up and break down for hours.
Tears overfilled my eyes like the memories overload my brain. I miss his laugh. I miss everything about him.
It's been two years now, dad and I miss you, every single day. It's all my fault, I should've just kept my mouth shut like my mom said. And now you're gone, because of me.
A tear rolls down my cheek to the tip of my black converse. I breathe in the fall air to calm down my beating heart and wipe the wetness in my eyes with my forearm. I notice a familiar tall figure ahead of me. Dark gray jeans and black converse are worn with an oversized black jean jacket showing off his broad shoulders. He had a beanie on, but small patches of hair poking out. It's Beau.
He stops his movement near a pond, shoving his hand into his pocket. He pulls his hand out of his pocket with a black digital camera in his hand. His index finger hovers over the shutter button as he brings the camera close to his eye. He takes a brief second before pushing his finger down on the button, a flash coming right after it, then he removes the camera from his head to his side.
"Beau." I call out, jogging towards him. He turns his body to face me, his back pointing toward the pond, and a smile starts to form on his face. I reach where he was standing and look up at him as his tall body towers over mine.
"Indra." He whispers, and the smile on his face fades away. "Are you okay?"
Shit, he must have noticed how red my eyes are.
"Yea, I'm fine." He creases his eyebrows together, not believing my response to his question.
Even though Beau and I are becoming friends, I don't want to tell him something about myself that's too personal. I have learned my lesson on trusting people too close to me in the past, and I intend not to repeat those mistakes again.
"So, what are you doing?" I ask, glancing at the pond behind Beau. I watch two white geese, gliding across the clear water on their webbed feet. One of the geese looks similar to the one I saw a couple of weeks ago. Looks like the goose found a buddy.
"Taking pictures of random things." He answers as I drift my gaze to stare into his green eyes. Emerald eyes that were the most captivating thing I've ever seen. Depths of a green forest sneak into his eyes, forcing them to be more vibrant than they ever are. "I want to take you somewhere."
"Hm?"
"I want to take you somewhere." He repeats, stuffing his digital camera back into his pocket.
"Are you planning to kill me?" I question, worriedness written on my face.
He shakes his head, "What? Of course not. Do I look like a murderer to you?"
"Yes." I reply with no hesitation.
"Haha, very funny." He fakes laughs, "Come on, we're going to take a bus there."
"Is it far from here?" I ask as his shoulder brushes against mine when he walks past me. Turning my body, I watched him slowly depart away from me. Beau's shoes are being smashed against the crisp leaves as he walks through the woods. He doesn't answer my question which causes a groan to escape my lips.
"Come one, belle fille." He shouts, increasing his pace.
Good thing I don't have work today.
"Yea, Yea, Yea." I catch up to him, walking side by side with him.
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I feel like this chapter is all over the place so I will be editing this tomorrow but I wanted to post it today because it's the end of the week already and I haven't posted a chapter yet.
The next update might be late because I have an exam to take on Friday.
like I said in the last chapter I hate school.
anyways have a nice day/night and be safe <3