It's Christmas Eve and it doesn't feel like it at all. I usually have this gut feeling and a gush of happiness every year it's Christmas Eve, but not this year. I know it's because I'm not home, but I really hope today turns into a good day as if I was with my family.
I turn the radio up, taking in all the Christmas music I can. At home i would listen to Christmas music every single say, but these past few days in New York I haven't at all.
I sing along to jingle bells as I stir eggs in expensive metal pan I cousin in the kitchen. The oven is smaller, but I'm just happy there actually is one. Bacon grease pops onto my skin and I turn down the heat low before putting in two pieces of wheat toast. Im really glad there was a grocery store close to the hotel otherwise Harry and I would have had to go out to breakfast again. I like home cooked meals much better.
"Do you have to blare Christmas music at ten o'clock in the morning?" Harry's voice is raspy and his eyes look droopy as he sits down on the bar behind me. I turn to him and smile at his tiredness.
"You look like s hit," I say and he glares at me.
"I didn't sleep."
"Why not?" I turn back around and attend my cooking.
"I don't know. Just kept thinking," he says and gets up from his chair before moving into the kitchen next to me.
I stir the eggs a little more and he hovers over me, making my arm chill. I place the bacon onto a plate and soak up all the grease and butter the toast with Harry still watching me. I tell myself to ask him to help, but rule against it.
"Bacon?" Harry looks at me like I'm crazy.
"That's for you," I laugh.
"Oh. I was gunna say. What vegetarian only eats bacon?"
Harry and I chuckle before he goes into the fridge and praises the orange juice I just bought.
"You know I was thinking about becoming vegetarian," Harry says before pouring himself a glass of juice and downing it.
"Really?" I'm surprised.
"No, not really," Harry chuckles and grabs a piece of bacon before stashing it into his mouth. He sits back down and I can feel his eyes burning into me.
"Soooo..."
"Soooo what?" I ask and place a plate of breakfast in front of Harry.
"Aren't you going to say something to me?"
My stomach begins to ache as I think maybe he's talking about what we mentioned last night.
"What?" I ask, before nervously taking a bite of my toast.
"Fine. I'll say it first." Harry glares at me and there's a silence between us. I begin to feel light headed as he continues to stare me down.
"Merry Christmas Eve."
I let out a breath and begin to laugh more at myself than Harry, "Merry Christmas Eve to you too."
During breakfast Harry and I decide to just wing the whole day. I told him that I really want to go ice skating and he promised he would take me as long as we got pizza for lunch. I happily agreed.
Before we leave the hotel, I get dressed into a white-dress that is thick material to keep most my body warm. I wear green leggings under-neath to keep my legs covered and a red jacket to keep the Christmas theme going. When I walk out of the bathroom, Harry is standing by the door in a black jacket with a long scarf around his neck.
"Wow," Harry breathes and I see a smirk form on his lips as he looks my body up and down. I flush and walk toward him, keeping my focus on my black boots.
"You just need pointy ears and a hat and you could be Santa's elf," Harry laughs and my smile fades. I feel kind of rejected by his words. I don't know why I thought he was actually going to compliment me. It's not like I want him to look at me anyways. Right?
"Yeh, I guess you're right." I smile, trying not to show my disappointment.
"So, pizza then ice skating? Or the other way around?" Harry asks as we step out of the elevators. There's a lot of people in the lobby and on our way out the doors we get greeted by a lot of the workers.
"Whatever you want, I say. "I don't care."
"Well, we just ate so we can go ice skating first I guess."
I agree with Harry before we both exit the hotel doors. Right when we step outside my face is created with a gush of cold air. I take in a sharp breath and Harry does the same next to me.
"Holy sh it. Its f ucking freezing," Harry stutters and folds his arms across his chest, copying me.
"At least it stopped snowing," I say, trying to be optimistic.
"Yeh, but look at all the snow everywhere."
I scope the streets and cars and buildings that still have a sheet of snow covering the top. I smile at its beauty, "It's a white Christmas."
"Oh, god. Don't start quoting Christmas songs please," Harry groans and I look up to him. His nose and cheeks are cold from the weather and when he exhales I see a thick white cloud.
"It's really a white Christmas though! I've never had a white Christmas before!" Harry keeps his eyes on mine and begins to chuckle at my child voice.
"You're so cute," Harry says and shakes his head. My stomach flutters and if my cheeks weren't showing pink, then they surely are now.
"In a little girl cute way." Harry coughs and takes his eyes away from mine. My smile stays prompt on my lips as I turn to look at the cabs. My heart jumps at the thought of Harry calling me cute, even if he means in a little girl cute way.
"Cab?" Harry asks me. "Yeh, cab." He answers himself before I can and moves into the busy sidewalk and starts whistling for a cab. Harrys acting embarrassed and I can't say my heart isn't pattering because of it. Why are these feelings starting to come back? I just need to try to take my focus off him.
"I don't think we can get a cab. It's so crowded outside," I say to Harry.
He continues to wave his hand as other people beside us do the same. I begin to shiver as a gush of cold wind hits my whole body. I snuggle my neck into my jacket and move closer to Harry. He looks down at me and I can see him give me a sympathetic look before waving harsher with the wind.
"I'm so cold," I whisper and watch the smoke fall from my lips. I feel Harry look down at me and before I know it, he embraces me into a warm hug. He lets out a nervous breath when I suck in one. Instant heat from Harrys body comforts mine and I close my eyes and snuggle further into his body.
I feel Harry still calling for a cab as my stomach begins to tingle. My knees grow weak when I smell his cologne, but I keep my stance.
"Better?" I half expect Harry to be smiling, but he has a serious look on his face. I nod my head and smile.
My eyes fall deep into his and there is something familiar. The way his face is so close to mine and the way our bodies are touching. It seems like we've done this before...?
"Yes, I got a cab."
Harry lets go of me and steps to open the door for me. The familiarity of him is gone as I feel empty when he steps away.
The cab ride there is quiet and whenever I glance over to Harry, he's always looking out the window. He almost looks upset and I want to ask him what's wrong. I almost feel like he's annoyed with me and I don't know why. I don't want him to think I'm annoying. I want him to enjoy being with me on Christmas Eve like how I am with him.
"Harry?"
"Yes," Harry says, continuing to stare out the window.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, why?"
"I don't know. You seem quiet. I want you to talk to me." Oh my god. Now I sound stupid.
"What do you want to talk about?" Harry laughs and I'm glad he's not making fun of my stupid statement.
"I don't know." I sound so desperate.
"What was your favorite Christmas?" I say after Harry smirks and looks down at his jeans.
"Never had one." He returns back to his stale face.
"I'm sure you had at least one Christmas that stood out better than the rest." I push for an answer. Harrys eyes flash brighter as we pass a green street light. He looks so beautiful.
"I don't remember any from when I was little and the ones I do remember, we're all the same. My parents arguing, my mom disappearing, me being alone."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I look down at the seat and pick at it. I shouldn't have asked him anything. No wonder he's so mean all the time. He had a horrible childhood.
"It's okay. What about you?"
"Uhm.." I try and think of my favorite Christmas, but there are just too many to choose from. I smile at all the memories, but stop when I remember Harry's.
"When I got my phone," I say and shrug to make it seem lame. I don't want to gloat about my Christmas infront of Harry.
"Yeh, I got a phone when I was eleven I think," Harry states and my eyes roll.
"What?" He laughs.
"Nothing. That's just really young."
"When did you get yours?" Harry moves closer to me in the cab and my heart leaps.
"When I was sixteen."
"What? Harry covers his stomach and tilts his head back. "Why so old?"
"I don't know." I scowl him for laughing at me.
"That's not that old." I support, when he stops laughing.
"Yeah it kinda is."
"Shut up, Styles." I roll my eyes and look out the window, noticing the ice skating rink come into view.
I sit up and glance more at the people loving fast around the ring. I'm so excited to do this!!
"We're here." The rusty cab driver announces and I unbuckle my seatbelt.
Harry pays the cab driver and I thank him for doing so before we head over to the entrance. I'm even more surprised when Harry pays for my skates. He shrugs his shoulders and grabs my hand before leading me over to the chairs for us to put on our shoes. Why is he holding my hand? My stomach jumps at his gesture.
It's really crowded in the alley, so I can see why he grabbed my hand. It's not like he likes me. Ha, I laugh at the thought. I wish he liked me... what? No, I don't.
My minds all over the place when Harry sits down and puts on his skates. I have issues tying mine together and Harry rolls his eyes and pushing out a laugh when he notices.
"You can't eat meat, you can't hold your liquor and now you can't tie your shoes," Harry jokes before bending down in front of me. I smile at his gesture and tease.
"Hold my liquor? I can hold my liquor just fine thank you very much." At least I'm pretty sure I can. That one night I got pretty drunk, but I don't remember what happened. I try to imagine that everything went good though.
"Yeh, that's why I had to carry you back to the hotel," Harry looks up to me and smiles when he finishes tying my shoe.
"Wait what?" A small memory flashes in my mind at Harrys words. Harry told me that he didn't see me at all that night because he was mostly with Coco. As I squint in my brain, a fuzzy image of him comes to mind. First on the dance floor, then in the bathroom and in a taxi back home. Oh my god.
"We did almost kiss didn't we?" I stand up when the memory comes back to me. Coco was right. I did try and kiss Harry, but if I remember correctly, Harry wanted to kiss me too.
He stands up and towers over me. His body is close to mine and I grab onto his arms when I loose my balance with my blades on.
I look up for an answer, "You lied."
"Yes."
"Why?" My stomach clenches and his face moves closer to mine and electricity ignites my whole body. I know what this is and I can't hold it back anymore. I have hard feelings for Harry, especially that one night. My body and mind have been trying to block the feelings away because I know this wouldn't work.
"I was afraid," Harry says and backs away from me.
"You wanted to kiss me too?" I whisper, scared to hear the answer.
Harry moves his hand onto my cheek and rubs his thumb along my lip. My body is fire and I'm mentally screaming at him to kiss me now. I've wanted this for so long, I just never wanted to admit it.
My eyes close, but within seconds I'm left standing empty. I open my eyes to see Harry dashing toward the entrance of the skating rink. I look over when I feel eyes on me and notice a small child glaring at me like I'm crazy.
Hurt spreads my body when I realize that Harry didn't want to kiss me. Maybe he doesn't even like me at all. I'm confused and broken as I dart out to find Harry on the ice.
I need to know what just happen and why he's running away.
I'm new to ice skating and there's too many people on here. I grab on to the ledge and steady myself before attempting to move my body. I spot Harrys jacket just up ahead, passing and old lady and what I'm assuming is her granddaughter.
"You need some help?" A man with ginger red hair zooms up to me and flashes a welcoming smile.
"No... I'm fine," I lie and my left foot gives out. The man grabs onto me and helps me stand up straight before telling me how to move.
"Just lift your foot and then the other and you'll move," He instructs and I do what he says,
But it's hopeless. My feet just aren't meant for this stuff.
"Can you just get me to that guy over there?" I plead and point to Harry turning on the corner. He suddenly stops and moves to the side before resting his arms on the ledge and keeping his head bent down as if he's deep in thought.
"The one that's stopped?" Red head asks and I nod quickly.
"Hurry before he starts to move again."
We begin to blade and my feet stay firmly on the ice while my partner sways us along. I feel like I'm a trailer and he's my truck. I giggle to myself, but stop when I notice that we are coming closer to Harry.
My brain draws a blank as to what I am going to say when I reach up to him and I can feel my mouth starting to dry. There's so many signals that he maybe feels the way I do of him and I need to know.
"You can just go when I reach him. Thank you so much," I yell to my dragger and he nods. Harrys head shoots up when he hears my voice and notices the man and I coming toward him.
His eyes flash with anger for a mere second, but then worry takes over when the red head lets go of my hand and I'm coming at Harry at full speed.
"Oh my god!" I scream and cover my eyes before crashing into Harry.
We fall onto the ground and my butt hits the ice, my back following. I turn to Harry and he's picking his back of the ground before putting a hand on his head.
"What are you doing?!" Harry questions and I try to sit up, but my head aches.
"What am I doing!?" I turn my neck and look at him from the ground. He looks concerned and reaches over to help me up. "What are you doing?"
"What do you mean, what am I doing?" He says after I balance on my butt. The ice is burning through my dress and leggings. Jeez this is cold.
Everyone who passes us looks down at me and Harry, but luckily none of them stop and watch us bicker.
"Yes, what are you doing? Why'd you just leave?" I point to where we were standing once before. where I so desperately wanted him.
"I came to ice skate. Thats what we're here for isn't it? You wanted to come here," He rudely remarks and my feelings become torn.
"We didn't have to come here? Why are you acting like this?"
"Acting like what? We're just friends and then you try and make a move on me?" He tries to stand back up, but slips back onto his butt.
"Me make a move on you!? I asked you a question then you moved into me remember?"
"Bullsh it," Harry rolls his eyes.
A tall man and his wife stop from skating and stand next to us," Do you need help up?"
Harry takes his hand and picks up on his feet, but doesn't thank them. He has a stern look on his face and I want to smack him for being so stubborn. The man moves to help me up, but before I can grab his hand, Harry stops him.
"I'll help her up," he dismisses the man with an evil look. Him and his wife jet off on the ice, scared of Harry.
He takes my hand, but I jerk away, "No. Ill do it myself."
I slip a few times, Harry bending down to try and help me each time but I stop him.
When I finally get up from my fallen position, I dust myself off and move to the ledge to hold myself.
Harry skates toward me and hovers over me like some kind of animal. My feet give out and he straightens me out but I push him away.
"What's wrong with you?" I scowl.
"Nothing's wrong with me I'm trying to help you," Harry scuffs and I shake my head at myself more than him. I shouldn't have even brought anything up. one minute were having a good time and the next it's all a confusing disaster.
"Can we just go back to the hotel please?" I ask, but Harry only stares out into the buildings beside us. I wait for Harry to look at me or say something, but he doesn't move.
I turn my body and go an inch at a time while holding on the ledge for safety.
"Where are you going?" Harry skates toward me, but I keep my focus on my feet.
"To the hotel."
"I thought you wanted to ice skate."
"I did, until you went all psycho and left me. Just leave me alone, Harry."
"Wait, Olivia." Harry pauses and I finally turn to see what he has to say. He looks vulnerable and his eyes are a darker shade from the lighting.
"Okay fine, Coco was right. You did try and kiss me," he breaths and looks down to the ground. I roll my eyes and turn my body around to continue my way back to the exit.
"But!" Harry yells and I stop.
"I wanted to kiss you too."
I stay still and don't turn around to face Harry. His confession has me completely relieved, but I have no idea what to do next.
"Liv?" I close my eyes and slowly turn around.
"What?" I surprise both Harry and myself with my harsh tone. Harry looks hurt and grabs onto the ledge for support.
"That was embarrassing. You lied and then lead me on and then jetted off and then lied to me again."
"I'm sorry," Harry says, but I'm still upset. I turn on my heel again to go back to the hotel. This whole night is ruined. I don't want to be out here anymore.
"Where are you going?" I can feel Harry following behind me but I don't want him to catch up to me. I try to remember what the red head told me.
Just lift your foot and then the other and you'll move.
I try to do just that and surprisingly my feet and legs start to move together in a quick pace.
"Olivia stop! You don't know what you're doing!" Harry Calls me but that only motivates me to go faster.
Before I know it, I'm at a professional speed, my feet moving extremely fast. Too fast. A group of people ahead are blocking most of the way and I struggle to move around them.
Harry shouts my name another time and I hear him gasp when I hit the shoulder of a little toddler. My pace is too high and my eyes widen whe I see the turn coming ahead. The red head never mentioned anything about turns.
I turn my head around and see Harry catching up to me. His eyes are concentrated on me and his feet are faster then mine. His face goes worried, but his stare is not on me. Its ahead of me. I grow confused.
"Olivia watch out!"
When I turn around, a loud gasp falls from my lips when I see that Ive reached the corner and I made no move to turn. I once again cover my eyes and feel my knees hit the wall before knocking my whole body onto the ground. My back hits first and before I know it, my head plans on the cold ice and my vision turns blurry. The last thing I see is Harry bending down in front of me before my vision goes all black.