After the whole mess with the battle, Kakashi had them move to a river that they had passed a by on their patrol to clean up. He had the wash their clothing and themselves knowing that getting all the blood off would help. It was strangely silent through it all and he was wondering where he would start first. As a father he wanted to go to Naruto plus he seemed the worst off, Sakura was still a bit shaky from her ordeal although Sasuke's reaction was still troubling him. The boy was either hiding his emotions or he didn't feel much about killing and for a first kill that worried him.
Although the boy was used to seeing the dead after all finding you entire clan and family murdered did things to you. He just hoped that the boy wouldn't go down the path some took, some found it easier to kill off your emotions to be able to take this kind of work. At times he would agree that it helped but only to a degree, to totally kill off your emotions led you down a very dangerous path.
By nightfall they were all cleaned up but still the mood wasn't very good, it was too quiet in the camp. Sakura herself didn't feel like eating much, although she felt hungry she still couldn't stomach much food in her stomach thinking back to what happened. She still felt shaky after that battle but she was also worried about her team, Sasuke seemed more withdrawn then normal but what really worried her was Naruto. In all the years she had known him he had never been this quit in his life.
She sat next to him by the fire neither of them saying anything, she wanted to say something just anything to get her mind off today. She looked at his face and for the first time she saw his real face without the mask. It wasn't too bad, he wasn't overly handsome like Sasuke but he could be considered cute. What really surprised her was the black marks on his cheeks, they matched the markings on his mask which surprised her. She looked to Kakashi and wondered if this was a family trait and the reason why they wore masks.
Personally she found them kind of nice, and with that she thought she found at least something to talk about. "You know you look nice without the mask on Naruto, you should wear it less now and then."
Naruto just shrugged and she frowned.
"Naruto are...are you okay?" She asked him and she didn't see him react at all. So she went to stare into the fire with him, she was silent for a long moment before the memories were overwhelming her again.
"I can still see it you know...his blood on my hands I know he was going to kill me but...I...I just don't know how to deal with this. I'm thirteen and just killed a man and what's worse...we're going to have to do it again and again for the rest of our lives..."
She pulled her knees to her chest feeling the tears running down her face slowly, "I don't like killing, I know it's our job but still...I don't like it. I feel sick all the time and I feel, I feel like a monster or something..."
That last part was able to reach Naruto, he looked at the girl and for the first time it registered how much she was hurting over this. He had been lost in his own thoughts until the fact that she was thinking of herself as a monster got his attention. That wasn't something he thought of when he looked at one of his oldest friends, thinking she was the monster?
He was the one that felt like that, after all seeing what he had done to that ninja and remembering all the names that some people in the village called him made him feel more like that. She didn't have a demon locked up inside of her trying to get out, she didn't lose control and...ripped that guy apart. He looked at her shaking form and he inched a bit closer and put his arm around her, she jumped surprised by him.
"Sakura-chan you're not a monster...you're one of my closest of friends. Trust me you are nothing close to being one, that guy was going to kill you and you just did it. You feel sorry for him even though he wouldn't feel sorry for you. Trust me you're a better person than he was," he said to her gently.
She cracked a small smile and lowered her head a bit, "Thanks...but...I still see it when I close my eyes..."
"You always remember the first time you kill," both teens jumped at the new voice and Naruto pulled away from Sakura and turned around quickly to face his father.
"Damn it don't sneak up on people like that!" He shouted at him. He was actually glad he did shout being his usual loud self was a good sign, although as soon as it was over he went back to being depressed.
Kakashi sighed and sat down with his team, "There are no magic words or anything I can say to make you feel any better. It will get easier in the future but the trick is a balance, to kill only when needed and to never enjoy the killing. If you enjoy killing it leads to a very dark path for you, you will lose what it makes you human and deep down that's what we all are."
"Another is to still feel something, if you cut off your emotions to deal with this kind of thing you'll be empty inside. You'll just be existing and not really living anymore and that's not a life you should live." He cast a glace to Sasuke but the boy obviously wasn't listening to him. The man sighed shaking his head at that, maybe he would have a talk on the way back to the village.
Both Sakura and Naruto felt a bit better at that, although they still weren't sure what to think and feel at the moment.
Kakashi gave them one of his eye smiles, "Well I'm going to take a leek be right back."
That caused the two genin to face fall, once again just when Kakashi was saying something cool he ruins it at the last moment. As both of his students picked themselves up he slipped into the forest and quickly pulled out a small piece of note paper from his vest and started to write something. He folded it up and quickly summoned up his fastest dog. He bent down and gave the dog the note and told him who to give it to and to get there as quickly as possible. The summoned animal nodded his head and ran off into the night towards the village.
With that done he was about to get back to camp when he heard someone walking up behind him. Naruto came out of the darkness looking up at him, "dad...can we talk?"
"Anytime," he said finding a large stone to sit on and gestured for him to sit on a slightly smaller one next to him.
Naruto sat there not saying anything at the moment but Kakashi was patience and would let him say what was bothering him. It took him a moment until Naruto finally spoke up, "Dad...I think the Fox did something to me..."
Kakashi was worried about this and told him to lift his shirt and channel some chakra, he checked the seal and to him it looked okay. Although he wasn't a master of seals like his sensei had been or Jiraiya even but with his own skills he thought it looked good. He told Naruto this but it didn't seem to make him feel any less assured.
"Then why did I do that? I mean I was so angry and then...then...I can't really remember what happened," he told him. He looked at his hands and although the blood was finally gone he didn't feel very clean. He was wondering if he was really starting to become a monster like all those people said that he was. He was scared that the Fox would win out and eventually get out, or take him over and make him do horrible things.
"Dad I don't like this I mean yeah I knew this would happen, but was that really me?" He asked.
"Naruto I know you, I raised you but let me tell you this you are a good kid. But I felt that chakra and it was the Fox's, now I don't know everything but I think you were drawing on its chakra by accident. Tell me what exactly were you feeling and how did it make you feel when you were using it?"
Naruto thought hard about it, "Angry, I was really angry. I mean the things the guys said just made me really mad and then...I just started to feel really angry. I can't remember being that angry before and I also felt..."
"Go on, you felt what?"
"Powerful, like nothing else really matter. Like he was nothing and that I should destroy him, I wanted to hurt him and make him suffer. I felt this rush of power and...it...it felt good."
Naruto didn't like saying it but it was honestly how he felt, he had never felt so powerful before, so free and it scared him. He had no control and he had seen the results of what had happened as well. He was scared of losing himself to that kind of power again, and what if he hurt someone close to him? He couldn't live with the fact that he had hurt someone close to him. It was all because of that damn Fox that his life was so hard. He could still vaguely remember that day he had been kidnapped and nearly killed, then there were the kids that picked on him, the adults that gave him cold looks. There just seemed to be no end to the problems that this thing caused him.
He was lost in his thoughts until he felt a strong hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his dad.
"Naruto you are stronger than this thing, there is a reason why it was placed in you. You're biological father wanted you to be seen as a hero, the one that kept us all safe from the Kyuubi. It's because of you that the village still lives and never doubt for a second that you're not that strong."
"I've always been proud of you son and as long as you never give up you'll always win against the Fox. And if you ever need any help you know that I'll be here for you too."
Naruto smiled up at him, "Dad...thanks."
Kakashi smiled back down at him and ruffled his hair, "Hey what's a father for?"
-Two Days Later-
In the Team 8 training field Kurenai was looking over her team as they did a group training exercise. They wore a different coloured bandana on their arms and every now and then she would call out the colour. That person was the 'enemy' that they would attack but at any moment she randomly chose someone else to be the enemy for this. Currently Kiba as the enemy as Hinata and Shino were attacking him, of course Akamaru was with Kiba so it helped to even the odds. There were also some restrictions such as Shino couldn't drain everyone's chakra totally and Hinata couldn't close everyone chakra down either only parts of it.
She was proud of how well they were improving, they were really coming along as a team. With some more training they could even be ready for the chunin exams at this point. That was still months away but when it would come to the village she wanted her team to be ready for it. What the genins didn't know was that the jonin sensei's had a slight bet going on how many of them could get their teams ready for the next exams.
Kurenai was brought out of her thoughts as she heard something running towards them. She looked to find a dog running at them at full speed it seemed. Although as soon as the dog saw her it quickly changed course to go directly towards her, she was wondering if this was something from Kiba's clan after all it wasn't the first time one of their dogs came with a message for Kiba. The dog stopped panting hard as it dropped something at her feet.
She bent down to pick up a note that was addressed to her as soon as the dog saw that she got it he decided that he no longer needed to stick around and went back to the summoning world. Kurenai raised an eyebrow at that, she hadn't known that it was a summons and as far as she knew only one man could summon dogs. She opened the letter and sure enough it was from Kakashi. She read on and although she had known it wouldn't be good news she didn't like what she was reading. It was lucky that her own team hadn't gone through the first kill that was something she wasn't looking forward with dealing.
The request was mainly if she could have Hinata go with Naruto, apparently he thought that she could help him through this in a way he couldn't. He also asked if she could get in touch with Asuma and get Ino talking with Sakura as well. That was pretty much it other than to pass on what happened to the Hokage and that they were on their return journey and would be back in a few days. She hoped that his team would be alright and she could already see her students looking at her wondering what was going on.
"I didn't say to stop, Green is the enemy, go!" She commanded and they jumped back into action.
She would have to have a word with Hinata after training but she was also wondering just how much she should tell her. She knew of the girl's feelings for him anyone with eyes could see that. Well most she was wondering why Naruto was so oblivious to it, at any rate she would just tell her that Naruto had a rough mission and could use someone to talk to. She would have to track down Asuma but that wasn't too hard he usually hung out in certain areas.
She had to smile a little at an excuse to see him, although the only person that knew that she liked the man was Anko she wasn't sure how to act. She had spent so many years on her career as a ninja that she hardly had the time for dates, sure there had been the odd one here and there but nothing meaningful. Asuma however wasn't like most guys, he was caring and didn't look at her as some kind of sex object.
Plus she will admit he had been kind of a rebel and bad boy back in the day with how he left to join the Twelve Guardians against his father's wishes. She had a crush back on him during that period and when he left she felt a bit empty but she moved on. Or at least she thought she had until he came back and he was more mature now but he still had that devil may care attitude and to her he was sexy too. It only she could get him to give up smoking but it seemed to be a family addiction.
At any rate she put the note away and went back to watching her student train, after they were done she would give them the rest of the day off after pulling aside Hinata for a talk.
-A few days later-
Team 7 had finally made it back home it had been a rough few days for the team. Sakura and Naruto hadn't slept well for the first night. It got better each day but still it was something Kakashi knew they would have to live with. Sasuke was still being distant and it was hard to see just what was going through the boy's mind. He internally sighed hoping that Kurenai got his message, that way at least two members of his team would have some support. But Sasuke was another problem, the boy just didn't have any friends as he had pushed everyone away.
Kakashi knew why, it was to prevent anyone forming bonds with him so when those bonds were cut they couldn't hurt him again. He had been like that after his father's death but still his old team reached out to him. He kept trying to reach the boy but it was hard, the boy was really stubborn even more so than he had been. He guessed it was that Uchiha pride of his that kept asking people for help for anything. He needed to think of a way to break the boy out of that line of thought.
Naruto had managed to find one of his spare masks that he brought with him and put it back on after that first night. Sakura kept trying to tell him that he didn't need it but he was vocal about why it was tradition. It was good to see them getting back to normal at least.
When they got to the main gates he could already feel the team's mood lighten as they knew they were finally home. "Well I'm going to make a full report on things, you all go home and take tomorrow off. You all did great work and just relax we'll pick up things later at the training field at the usual time in two days."
With that Kakashi vanished in a poof of smoke, Sasuke shrugged and walked back to his home leaving the other two behind. Naruto and Sakura said their goodbyes and went on their separate ways home. Naruto dropped his stuff at his house but he just didn't want to sit around, he still have a lot to think about so he decided to go to the place where he did all his deep thinking.
For times like this he went to one of his favourite places the top of the Fourth's head on the mountain. At first he never knew why he felt drawn to the Fourth but after Kakashi told him about his past it made for a lot of sense. His biological father had been a great man and had sacrificed himself to save the village. He had been a great hero and someone that he wanted to not only become but be even greater than. Although at the moment he didn't feel much like a hero, when you read about those great battles they never mentioned just how nasty things got. There was so much they never told you about how real combat is like, it's nothing like in the books which made it seem so clean. But it wasn't clean, it's the opposite and he was left wondering if the Fourth felt like he was at this moment.
While he was sitting there thinking he hadn't noticed a small girl his own age had just managed to get up to the mountain top. Hinata had been looking for Naruto all over the village, she had missed him at the gate so she went on a search of all his usual places. After Kurenai told her that something happened and that she should go talk with Naruto she had been waiting for the day for him to get back.
So she had started looking for him at the places and people that would know where he might be. First she checked with Konohamaru but he hadn't seen him at all, so she checked the ramen stand and he wasn't there either. This was starting to worry her, if something was bothering him he tried to eat them away, if they were really bad he went to train to blow off steam. So she check the training area that he used but still no sign. Now she was really getting worried.
Only when things got really bad for him did he go to the one place where most people didn't know about. She knew about it from him taking her there once as kids telling her it was a secret spot that he liked to go to. So she looked up at the Hokage Monument and with her eyes she was able to see a small form sitting on top of it. She went quickly as she could up the mountain path and she was finally able to see him now.
But she stopped when she looked at him, he looked so...defeated. His eyes looked unfocused and lost and in so much pain. She couldn't remember ever seeing Naruto like this, it just seemed wrong for him to be like this like it was totally against nature for him to be this way. Just looking at him like this filled her heart with pain at how much he looked to be silently suffering. She felt tears in her eyes at just the sight of him and so without thinking she just acted.
Naruto was silently staring out across the village until he felt a pair of slim arms hug him from behind. He felt the weight of Hinata against his back and she seemed to be shaking. It wasn't until he felt the water on his cheek that he realized that she was crying. He didn't like to see her cry, she was the best person he knew and seeing her cry was just heart breaking.
"Hinata-chan?"
"N-Naruto-Kun why won't you let me h-help? You always a-are there f-for me, you w-were there for me when my m-mother died w-when I was in pain. P-please N-Naruto-kun let me help you for once." She begged him hugging him hard. He had been her source of inspiration and happiness for as long as she could remember.
He was always a source of happiness for not only her but others around her, he was like sunshine and she loved how his blue eyes held what seemed like an eternal warmth, happiness with a hint of mischief in them. But now his eyes held nothing but sorrow and pain and she didn't like to see that kind of look in them. She hated seeing him in pain and she wanted to comfort him for once and take away his pain and suffering like he did with her.
Naruto felt the warmth of her body and strangely it felt nice, he closed his eyes just embracing the feeling that was washing over him. He just felt better in her arms for some reason, he felt warmer and he didn't want it to end. He hadn't felt this way since he was a kid and he had been scared and then his dad would always be there to make him feel safe again.
Naruto didn't know what to say but he also didn't like to see her cry, he twisted around and hugged her back giving back what he was getting. Hinata seemed to hug him even closer as she felt his arms around her, it seemed natural the way they were holding each other like this. Normally such contact would send her blushing bright red and most likely faint but she couldn't do that now, Naruto needed her and she would be there for him.
"Tell me what happened," she asked him.
Naruto told her everything that he could, he skipped the part about the Kyuubi for now, he didn't want to burden her with that information. So he went into the battle and how he had been forced to kill that man. He also told her that it had been the same one that tried to kidnap her years ago. She was shocked to learn this, she still thought about that night now and then but now that man was dead. It just seemed that man did nothing but hurt her and Naruto.
After he was done she spoke to him, "N-Naruto-kun you did nothing wrong. Y-You're a good person, y-you've always been one of the k-kindness people I-I've known. The f-fact that you feel bad proves that y-you're a good person b-because he wouldn't h-have. I know you, and I-I know that deep down, you are good n-no matter what anyone says you are."
Naruto smiled as his head was resting on her shoulder listening to her. He felt bad as he still kept secrets from her like his real parents and the demon locked up inside of him. He hated himself that she trusted him so much and yet he was afraid to tell her the truth. 'Maybe you don't know me as well as you think Hinata but...you are one of my most precious people. You really do believe in me it seems, so I don't want to let you down.'
"Hinata-chan...thank you." He whispered into her ear.
She smiled blushing a bit now feeling his breath touch her eat like that, she was glad that she could help him out. Unfortunately that was also the point when she realized that she was in fact holding Naruto right up against her. He was pressing his body against hers and she could feel the hot breath coming off him against her neck. She had just acted without really thinking but now that her brain had finally caught up to what was going on...
"Eep."
Naruto heard the sound and blinked a few times as Hinata suddenly went slack. He gently pulled her away and noticed how loose she was, he saw her face was still bright red but with a happy, dazed expression on it.
"Hinata! Hinata wake up! Oh man why does this keep happening!?" Naruto yelled out frantically trying to wake the poor girl up.
Meanwhile in another part of the village, Sakura was just sitting by the bridge that her team passed to get to their training field. She liked the place it was beautiful and peaceful place. The was leaning against one of the railings of the red little bridge just watching the gentle water or the small river move under her. She just listened to the gentle sounds as the warmth of the sun hit her body. She needed something to calm her after that mission, she just closed her eyes and took in everything that she could. She could feel the gentle wind move across her skin and face, the heat of the sun's rays, she could smell the scene of flowers on the river bank and the sounds of animals in the trees not to far away.
She let her mind just clear and to find some kind of inner peace with herself.
"Hey Sakura!" yelled a familiar voice.
Sakura was so shocked she nearly fell over, 'So much for inner peace with her around.'
'Damn it things were going so good too! Ino-pig better have a good excuse or else, shannaro!' And angry Inner Sakura said in her mind rising a fist in Ino's direction.
Sakura turned to her best friend, "Hey Ino what's up?"
Ino walked over to the pink haired girl, she had been told something had happened during the mission she had been on. She wasn't sure what since Asuma just told her that she should at least go and see if she was okay. Looking at her now, she could see that Sakura looked a little worse for wear. Her hair was a little unkempt and there was signs of dark circles starting to show up under her eyes. She looked tired and Ino had to wonder what had happened.
"Hey there Forehead, can't a girl hang with her friend?" Ino said smiling brightly at her.
Sakura sighed and turned to face the river, "Sorry but I'm not up to it, I just want to be alone."
Ino didn't listen though as she just leaned against the railing next to her. Sakura didn't say anything so Ino just started going on about her day, work at the flower shop, training with her team, the D rank missions she had been on and hated. How she had to keep motivating Shikamaru to get off his lazy ass and do some work now and then. Sakura tried to ignore her but Ino just kept on going making a vein start to show up on the pink haired girls' head.
"Ino!"
"Yes?" She said innocently.
"What will it take for you to go away?"
Ino smirked knowing full well that she would break sooner or later, "Easy...Tell what happened."
Sakura bit her lip not wanting to say anything, but Ino started up again so she had to stop her and then tell her everything. It was hard to go through what happened, how she felt when she had killed that bandit. She looked down at her hands by the end of it and noticed that her hands were shaking.
She looked at them, at the hands that blood on them only a few days ago. She could still remember how it felt and she felt slightly sick to her stomach at that moment. But just when she thought she was going to lose it, she watched a pair of slender hands take hers and the shaking slowly started to stop. She slowly looked up the arms to the face of Ino and she would see the worry in them.
Ino had never seen Sakura this shaken up before, "Hey it's okay."
"I'm not so sure it is," Sakura said quietly looking down. "I don't know if I'm strong enough."
"Hey that's not the Sakura I know," Ino told her. "I remember when you used to be the shy girl that had trouble even speaking. You haven't been like that in years, you're stronger person then you used to be and I know for a fact that you won't let yourself become weak. You're one of the strongest people I know and you're going to beat this."
"We came too far to be stopped and we're just starting out our lives as ninjas. I know this isn't easy but you don't have to do this alone, you got me and all your friends to lean on. So if you ever need to talk you can at least come to me. Now how about we just go out and enjoy the fact your back and safe?"
"Are you doing anything tomorrow?"
"No we got the day off," the pink haired girl said.
"Good, there's this cute little dress I think you'd like for sale, and then we can go get something to eat and just hang out. We can make it a girl's day out what do you say?"
Sakura had to manage a small smile, "Ino...thanks."
Ino smiled, "No problem, just promise me something."
"Okay what?"
Ino's face got a bit more serious, "When this happens so me...be there for me too will you?"
Sakura nodded her head, "Of course it's what best friends are for right?"