-Nic-
I felt great when I left Jax's place. I was still feeling good when I started driving. But when I was halfway to home, my mood dropped, and it dropped fast. By the time I parked my car in front of my home, I felt nauseated, especially when I spotted my father's car close by.
I didn't want to go inside. He'd want to hear how much progress I had made, and demand to know where I had been, and why I was wasting my time and not studying.
With a heavy sigh, I got out of the car and walked to the front door. I carefully opened it and listened to the sounds in the house before stepping in. There was no one around to see me, so I quickly sneaked up the stairs, heading to my room.
I didn't make it that far.
"Nicholas."
I suffocated a sigh and turned around at my door. Dad walked up the stairs, giving me a stern stare.
"I thought I heard your car," he said. "Where have you been? It's late."
"I was at the library," I lied with a smile. "Studying, of course."
He stopped in front of me, crossing arms over his chest. "Really? I spoke with your teacher, and he said you're not doing well at all."
"I have no idea what he's talking about," I said. "I've done all my homework. I've done everything he's asked during classes, and–"
"According to him, your attitude has changed. You don't focus, and you look tired. He suspected you're not getting enough sleep. Does that mean you're sneaking out? Staying up late playing games?"
"No, I'm not," I said, trying not to show him my annoyance. "I just have trouble falling asleep."
"Then you should stop using your phone so much. You're also spending way too much time watching television. I haven't seen you exercising, either. I suggest you start jogging. An hour every evening should be enough to help with your... sleeping problem."
I conjured a fake smile on my face. "Absolutely. I'll try that. Now I have to get–"
"Not so fast. Tomorrow, I will take you to my tailor after school. You need a new suit for the annual celebration," he said.
"I can't, I already–"
"Whatever plans you have, reschedule them. This is far more important. I can't have you showing up to the most important gathering of the year wearing rags," he said.
"There is still plenty of time before the celebration. I already have plans for tomorrow, so I can't come," I said sternly, but he snorted at me.
"I cleared my schedule for this, and you know how busy I am. You can see your friends another time," he said, and turned his back on me.
"I already promised!" I shouted after him.
He glanced over his shoulder. "I have given everything to you, and this is how you thank me? You'd end up working as a cashier at a gas station without me."
I snapped my mouth shut and just glared at him. I'd only make things worse if I tried to argue back.
"Tomorrow. After school. Do not be late," he said and continued his way down.
I stared after him in anger and frustration. I had already promised to visit the mall with Jax. He agreed to buy the skirt, for crying out loud! If I didn't go with him now, he'd never buy it!
I entered my room, feeling even more sick now, and did my best not to slam the door shut. I sat down on my bed and buried my face behind my hands. I tried to take deep breaths, but that never helped, my chest was so tight.
The minutes passed as I sat there, trying to calm down. I just wanted to breathe. It was bad enough that Dad was forcing me to skip the day with Jax tomorrow, but the way he said 'sleeping problems'... Like I was faking it. Like I was doing it on purpose. Like I wasn't spending my nights hyperventilating and feeling like I was about to die.
"Breathe..."
"I am breathing..." I whispered.
"Just breathe, okay? Deep, slow breaths."
I let Jax's words take over. I forced myself to remember his touch, his expression, his voice, and every little word he'd spoken to me.
"Everything is just fine. Just take deep breaths for me, okay? We're all right."
I played those words over and over again until I was finally able to lower my hands down. Even then, I kept my eyes closed and focused on the image of him, still taking slow breaths. Once I was calm enough, I went to lock my door, took off my clothes and crawled into my bed. As I curled up under the covers, I still heard Jax's voice.
And I tightly held onto it through the night.
*****
I didn't get much sleep, so I stayed in bed longer than usual, and got up when I had only minutes left before I had to leave for school. I felt and looked like shit when I saw myself in the mirror. I had no time to shower or even eat, but I didn't care. At least this way, I didn't need to take the risk of running into my dad. Thankfully, he wasn't home when I stepped out of my room.
I slipped outside before anyone could spot me and hurried to my car. I picked up Jessica, who kept giving me worried glances and tried to ask if I was all right while I drove us to school. I told her I was fine. She didn't believe me.
Jax was already waiting for me by the entrance when I parked the car, so after we got out, I ditched Jessica and made my way to him.
"Rough night?" he asked quietly, and the sympathy in his voice nearly broke me.
"Yeah," I said and looked down so he wouldn't see how fast I was blinking to keep my eyes dry.
I felt his hand on my arm, but I didn't look at him.
"Do you want to go somewhere private?" he asked.
"Sure..."
He started walking, so I followed him, still keeping my eyes on the ground. We walked around the building, and he stopped when I couldn't hear noises anywhere near us. He turned around, his toes stopped right in front of mine, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I rested my head on his and hugged him, but I no longer had to fight to stay calm. I calmed down the second I was left alone with him.
I didn't feel like I was suffocating anymore.
I didn't realize how long we stayed there. The bells rang way too soon, and I was forced to let go of him.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said with a nod.
He flashed a small smile at me, but behind that, I saw sadness. He looked tired, too.
"Are you all right?" I asked.
He sighed and nodded after a small pause. "It's nothing big, but... I found out we have to sell our home."
"Nothing big?" I repeated in disbelief.
"Well, kind of big. I haven't really let it sink in yet," he said. "We'll be late."
"Or we could just run away," I muttered, making him laugh.
"You learn fast," he said, and kissed me shortly. "But seriously, we should hurry."
"Fine," I murmured, and followed him to the closest entrance.
"See you at lunch?" I asked since we had to go our separate ways.
"I'll wait for you by the lunch hall," he said.
"Not on the roof?"
"You have to eat," he said and waved at me.
I stared after him. I didn't want to go to my classes, where my teachers would watch my every move and report to my father if I did anything wrong. And apparently, they'd let my dad know even if my attitude had changed. What attitude?!
With a heavy sigh, I took a step back, and once I couldn't see Jax anymore, I started heading to my first class.
*****
As I waited for the day to end, breathing became increasingly difficult for me. I hadn't told Jax that Dad expected me to go get that stupid suit with him. I had no idea what to do. I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn't sure if I had the guts to tell my dad to piss off.
Then the day ended. I still had no idea what to do as I headed to my car. Jax still thought we were visiting the mall. Dad still thought I'd go buy the suit.
I froze just outside the main entrance. I couldn't take another step. I didn't want to choose. I didn't want this pressure. I just wanted to run. That was all I'd been thinking about throughout the entire day.
The suit or the skirt?
Why couldn't I decide? Why didn't I tell Jax what my dad wanted? He would've understood. But I'd let him think I was going with him to the mall. He'd brought it up twice, and I never said no. Why? Why hadn't I just told him...?
Why was I such a mess?
"Hey."
I turned around when I heard Jax's voice right behind me. He smiled when our eyes met, but it faded fast. He placed his hand on my arm and rubbed it lightly.
"Do you need a moment?" he asked quietly.
"I..."
"We're not in a hurry," he said.
I stared at him. I watched his features, his makeup, the details in his eyes, his lips... I felt better. My chest didn't feel so tight. My heart wasn't racing. I was able to relax.
Why was I even considering that fucking suit?
I let out a deep breath, then smiled at him. "Nah, I'm good. My dad is going to kill me though..."
"Why?" he asked.
"He wanted me to go buy a suit with him. I told him I already have plans, but he refused to listen," I explained – telling him the truth was suddenly the easiest thing in the world.
"So...?"
"I told him I'm busy," I said with a shrug. "It's not my fault he didn't listen."
"Is...?" he frowned at me in disbelief. "Is Nicholas Gabriel rebelling against his father?"
I chuckled and nudged his arm, making him follow me. "What's the worst he can do?"
I did not want to think about that.
Jax snorted in amusement as he followed me. "You know, you can go with him if you want. I don't want to be the reason he gets mad at you."
"I don't want to go with him," I said sternly. "You should've heard what he said last night..."
"What did he say?"
I sighed and explained what had happened last night. Jax got especially pissed about his remark about my inability to sleep.
"That son of a bitch is the reason you can't sleep," he hissed when I started driving. "He's putting you through too much pressure. And he's blaming TV? You fell asleep the second we started watching TV!"
I had a small smile on my face as I listened to him rant.
"He's not always been like that," I said quietly once Jax had to stop to take a breath. "I probably should say something to him. I think I'm doing just fine with my studies. He's just obsessed with that stupid annual celebration ball..."
Jax took in a deep breath, clearly ready to continue ranting, but I stopped him.
"I'll deal with him later. Do you want to talk about your house?" I asked, and he snapped his mouth shut, then sighed.
"It's really not that big of a deal. We won't become homeless. If they sell the house, they can pay the bills. We just have to find a rental place... But it sucks... It's their dream house. They've lived there for ages," he said, his voice growing quieter by each sentence. "But it's not like we didn't see this coming. They've been talking about selling the house for a while now."
"I'm sorry. That really sucks," I said. "I suppose you'll get mad at me if I offer to–"
"I will indeed get mad if you even think about finishing that sentence," he said, squinting his eyes at me.
"Fair enough," I said.
"Let's just go buy that skirt and try to have fun, okay?"
"Fine by me," I agreed.
After we arrived at the mall, I turned off the engine, and then my phone. I knew Dad would start bombarding me within the next thirty minutes, and I didn't want to give a single thought to that man. Not right now. Not when I was finally feeling better.
When we approached the store where we'd seen the skirt, Jax's pace started slowing down. I glanced at him a few times, and it was clear he was having second thoughts.
"Do you need a moment?" I asked quietly.
He stopped, keeping his eyes on the store that loomed up ahead.
"What am I doing?" he murmured. "I don't get to wear it, anyway."
"But you like it," I said.
"I'd also like to murder people, but that's ill-advised."
I laughed at his joke. "No one would notice blood on that skirt."
He snorted and glanced at me. "You really wouldn't mind if dudes wore skirts?"
"If they have such nice legs as yours..." I shrugged with a smirk.
"That bar is set very low," he said.
"Trust me, it's not," I said quietly, and he took a longer look at me. When he didn't say anything, I wiggled my eyebrows at him and took a step closer to the shop. "Why don't we go take a look? See if you really like it?"
He still hesitated, but then followed me to the shop. The mannequin was still wearing the skirt, and Jax stopped to stare at it.
"I really like it," I said.
He stayed silent for a while. It was odd to see him so insecure. People would call me crazy if I told them just how gentle his nature really was under all that hate and anger. But they were the reason he was so hostile. And my own brother was the worst of them all.
"My pop works in this bar downtown as a bouncer," Jax suddenly said, surprising me with the complete change of subject. "Every month, they host this event for kids. It's next Wednesday this time."
"Oh! I know that. I've been there a few times. The Kids' Night Out, right?"
He nodded, then looked at me. "Would you go with me if I wore that skirt?"
"Of course!" I exclaimed without missing a beat.
"You'd really do that?" he asked with a frown. He clearly didn't believe me.
"Look," I said, placed my hands on his arms and made him face me. "I'll get that same skirt, and we can both wear them."
He snorted in amusement.
"What? You don't think I'd look good in it, after all?" I asked playfully.
"I think we'll both get laughed out of the place," he said.
"There is no one in their right mind who would dare to laugh at you, so I know I'm safe," I said and smirked.
He shook his head, but he was smiling when he glanced at the skirt. "You don't actually have to buy one."
"I will if that makes you feel better," I told him quietly.
"So we have a date next Wednesday?" he asked just as quietly.
"Yes," I said.
"And I can wear the skirt?"
"Yes."
He nodded slowly, then let out a long breath. "Okay then. Let's see if they have my size."
I smiled at him and followed him into the shop. It took us a moment to find the right shelves, and once we did, Jax wasn't in a hurry to start going through the sizes. I let him take as long as he needed. This was a big deal to him, after all.
"I should probably go try it on," he said once he had a couple of different sizes.
"Can I see it?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.
He chuckled and nodded. "Fine..."
I followed him to the changing rooms and waited outside while he stepped into one of them. It took him quite a while to get changed, and even longer before he finally let me peek in.
"You're so hot," I said, and not to humor him.
He really looked good in it. His long legs looked very, very fine in the skirt, but that wasn't a surprise after I'd seen him wearing the shorts.
"You think so?" he asked, turning around in front of the mirror. "It does fit me really well..."
"It really does," I said with a smile.
He let out a deep breath and stopped to stare at himself in the mirror. He still looked hesitant, so I stepped behind him, closed the curtain, and kissed his cheek while wrapping my arms around his waist.
"You look good," I whispered in his ear, and he gave me a happy smile in the mirror.
Fifteen minutes later, we stepped out of the shop with the skirt. I'd wanted to pay for it, but Jax refused to listen. The person ringing him in gave him a curious look, but he ignored it. I was glad to see he was gaining his confidence back. He deserved everything that made him happy, and I was happy he let me be there when he bought it. I definitely made the right choice by coming with him.
And I didn't even care that I was now in big trouble with my dad.