"I acted like a damned child back there." I admit. The embarrassment soars through my soul. Sitting on a chair in my dining room, Abraham kneels in front of me, gripping my hand, wrapping it in a white bandage. He had washed the blood, cleaning the wound, helping prevent any type of infection. Because that would most certainly be my luck. "I lost my cool. But I wasn't there for Beth. I couldn't protect her, or Noah. Tyreese. Fuck, even Hershel. Abe, I'm sorry."
"Thats some shit, you ain't got nothing to apologize for. I get it. You want to protect everyone, but you can't and that's how the cookie crumbles." His face serious as he works diligently. "Don't put that world of a burden on your shoulders." I groan, not wanting to argue. "The way I see it, you're a damn good person. I've heard the war stories. You running into a hail of bullets. I can see it." I frown, listening. "You know what, back in Iraq, I lost half of my unit because some bastard ass Unabomber got the jump on us. I didn't have time to save them. That shit still haunts me, little Blue." I perk up at Daryl's nickname for me. "Shit happens that's out of our control. I'm proud to call your feisty ass family, fucking shit little lady, I'm honored to fight by your side of that were ever the case." His eyes find me once he's finishes fixing up my hand, letting it go.
"Thank you." I whisper. "I'm glad Rick let you join our little band of misfits." I hang my head, fidgeting anxiously with the hem of my black shirt. I'm still in my run attire. I can hear my bed tauntingly call my name from where I sit. I'll just shower before work in the morning. I'm ready for the stupid fucking unsuccessful day to end.
"I knew the second you came in guns blazing that you and I would be fast fuckin' friends." He smiles, eyes sparkling. He straightens up to his large height, watching me intently, taking in my deposition. "Don't be so god damn hard on yourself. From what I hear, there's a new relationship here and he don't need you killing yourself with this bullshit. Since y'all have been reunited, I've seen a whole ass new side to him I didn't know existed." He pats my arm. "It's refreshing to see. Ya know, he almost wanted to kill old Father Gabriel for joking about stealing his squirrels. Nice to know he has a soft side." I chuckle at the story. Yeah, that sounds like the Daryl Dixon everyone knows.
"That tracks with him." I smirk.
Rick stalks through my door at that moment, the two of us turn our attention to him. "When you're done with her, I need to speak with her." Abraham nods at Rick's order. My eyes find Glenn standing behind our Sheriff. Great. Family meeting for three? This is going to be fun.
"Thank you, again, Abraham."
"Remember what I said. You can't prevent the liquid shit from hitting the fan." He heads to the door, not without acknowledging the two men that have invaded in my home.
"Thank you." Rick murmurs to him, closing and locking the door behind the giant redhead. Glenn lowers himself into a chair opposite from me.
"What the hell happened on that run?" Rick questions, crossing his arms. I anxiously listen for the second time today as Glenn recounts the events of the day. I wasn't there when Noah went down. But Glenn clued Eugene and I in during the trip back. I rest my head against my hand, soaking in the details.
"They don't know what they're doing. Any of them." Rick scoffs when Glenn finishes retelling the story.
Glenn shrugs, "we'll show them."
"I don't know if they can see it. How things really are. I don't know if they can yet." Rick shakes his head. "They haven't caught up."
Deciding I've heard enough, I stand without warning. The legs of the chair loudly glide along the floor as I push off the table. They both face me at my sudden movement. "I'm going to fucking bed. Stay if you need to. Lock the door when you leave." I spin on my heels, heading for my bedroom.
"Night, Vanessa." Glenn calls after me. "Thank you for coming with us today."
"Yeah. That what family does, huh." I peer my shoulder, meeting his and Rick's eyes. "It wasn't worth the risk after all." I continue my trek up the stairs.
Barely ten minutes later, I'm back in the comfort of my own bed. My hand finds itself on Daryl's side. I purse my lips, remembering that it was only this morning that he and Aaron departed for a trip. He's been gone for a whole day. "I hope you're okay." I breathe out. "I could use you tonight, Dare. I really fucked up." I turn over, putting my back to the empty space.
Sounds of glass crashing, shouting, and fighting propel my legs out of the salon. Leaving my shears on Wren's desk, I run as fast I can, following the noise and commotion. Dressed in my regular work clothes, black leggings, black tank top, regular tennis shoes, and apron; newly acquired black bandanna pulls my hair out of my face. I make it to the front of the community. I watch in horror as Rick is coated in blood, on top of Jesse's husband, Pete. Anger at Rick sores through my veins as I see him shove his son back. What the fuck?
I barrel over, bringing Carl close to my body. I take a second to make sure he's okay. Satisfied that he's unhurt, I bring my attention to the people in front of me. I wrap my arms around Carl, keeping him out of harms way.
"Damn it! Rick, I said stop it." Deana bellows. Red anger paints her cheeks.
I shove Carl behind me, as Rick pulls out a pistol and beginning to wave it around like it was some silly toy. Kelly comes stand to next to us, helping me shield the youngest Grimes. I meet his concern expression with one of my own.
"Or what? You're gonna kick me out?" Rick cocks his head at the community leader.
"Put that gun down, Rick."
"You still don't get it. None of you do! We know what needs to be done and we do it. We're the ones who live. You, you just sit and plan and hesitate. You pretend like you know when you don't. You wish things weren't what they are. Well, you want to live? You want this place to stay standing? Your way of doing things is done. Things don't get better because you-- you want them to. Starting right now, we have to live in the real world. We have to control who lives here."
"That's never been more clear to me than it is right now." Venom drips into Deana's tone.
"Me? Me? You-" Rick laughs, "you mean-- you mean me? Your way is gonna destroy this place. It's gonna get people killed. It's already gotten people killed. And I'm not gonna stand by and just let it happen. If you don't fight, you die. I'm not gonna stand by--"
Relief washes over me when Michonne knocks Rick out and takes his gun.
I'm leaning against the wall in an abandoned house. Michonne lingers in the space next to Rick. My blue eyes find him, his face is painted with small white band aid's. From my understanding, Rosita had come in to patch him up while he was unconscious. After visiting with his father, Carl brought Judith over, spending the night in my extra bedroom. I had woken up through the night to care for her so Carl could rest. I eventually laid her down next to me, so she wouldn't wake her older brother. Abraham stands next to me, Carol positions herself across from me with Glenn at her side.
I remember how uncomfortable these meetings use to make me. At the time, I felt like an imposter among the group. I don't think I planned on sticking around. Yet here I am years later, in a new setting. Now, it feels like these family gatherings happen every other day. I'm not even going to lie; I miss that fucking farm. We've lost so much since then. A little piece of me even suggests that I might slightly miss Shane. I peer over at Rick, studying him. Shane was who Rick is now in some twisted way. Curiously, I wonder what he'd think of the progress his old partner has made. I see some of his points make sense now. Shane was built and ready for this. The rest of us just needed to grow into it.
I just don't like the idea of any good morals any of us have left are starting to come into question. While our darkness takes over. Even I killed living breathing humans. One was because he shot my leg since I had my hand in taking down their leader. Before this, I don't think I would've believed I was capable of such a thing.
Did Shane go about things wrong? Sure. Would he agree with Rick in this moment? Maybe. Probably. As much as I had forgiven him and seeing the memories in a new perspective, that thought sits in my stomach uncomfortably. I anxiously chew on my fingers.
Glenn's voice drags my attention back to the conversation. "Deanna's planning to have a meeting tonight. For anyone who wants to."
"To kick Rick out?" Abraham questions quietly.
I clear my throat, "I imagine that she's going to try. But I don't see it working in her favor." I'm half surprised my head isn't on the chopping block. "She'd lose all of us, then die if something happens without us here to help them defend the community. They need to be taught how to fight and defend their home."
Glenn shrugs, "we don't know that. Maggie's with Deanna right now. She's gonna find out what it is."
"At the meeting, you say you were worried about someone being abused and no one was doing anything about it. You say you took a gun just to be sure that Jessie was safe from a man who wound up attacking you. You say you'll do whatever you want them to. Just tell them a story that they want to hear. It's what I've been doing since I got here." Carol faces Rick, authority dripping into her sweet voice.
I cock my head at her. She's changed, too. They all have. Though, I'm not sure if I am still the girl they saved. Sure, my mouth is still here, bringing it's out of pocket commentary every time I turn around. Maybe, I'm more of a potty mouth warrior now.
"Why?" Michonne inquires.
"Because these people are children and children like stories."
"What happens after all the nice words, and they still try to kick him out?" Old Abe challenges the plan Carol is spinning.
"They're guarding the armory now." Glenn adds.
Carol shakes her head. "We still have knives. That's all we'll need against them."
I chuckle, "I don't like this. These people save us, now look at us. I don't know firsthand what ya'll dealt with out there. But fuck, Rick is giving Shane 2.0 vibes." I turn to the man in question, "you remember him? He had the same ideas as you do now. Here's a crazy one, let's talk it out. Let me bring back my previous thought, let's fucking teach them."
Rick pointedly ignores me, "well, tonight at the meeting, if it looks like it's going bad, I whistle. Carol grabs Deanna, I take Spencer, you-" He motions to Michonne, "grab Reg, Glenn, Vanessa, Abraham covers us, watch the crowd."
"Exactly. Thank you for proving my point, Shane." I scoff. "Whatever. You got it, boss."
"Vanessa's right. We can talk to them." Michonne offers.
"Yeah, we will. If we can't get through, we take the three of them and say we'll slit their throats." Rick looks over at her, agreeing in his own roundabout way.
"Like at Terminus?" Glenn asks.
"No, we just tell 'em. They give us the armory and it's over."
I shake my head, stalking out of the house. Rick and Carol have their plan, and nothing will change their minds.
"Hey, Vanessa. Wait up!" I turn, spotting Michonne rushing over to catch up. I stop, silently waiting. My hand rests along my hip. "You okay with this?"
I run my hand through my hair. "I don't know. Rick clued me in what he wanted when he first got here. I figured it was an absolute back up plan. That I understood. Not over some abusive asshole cause Rick wants to fuck his wife. That is not okay. I see his point. I don't agree with how he's going about this. But it's Rick and I love him for what he's done for all of us. He needs to think things through thoroughly before jumping the fucking gun. This isn't Woodbury."
"You're right. Deana isn't the Governor."
"Hey there, beautiful lady. Got your head stuck in a book, again?" Kelly teases as he comes to sit next to me. I'm lying on the floor of my porch, legs hanging on the railing. "You only do that when you're stressed. What's going on?"
I sigh, putting my book down, sitting upright. "Rick isn't the same as when we left him."
"I've noticed."
"Kells, I don't know what has caused this change in him. I heard the stories, but this — this isn't okay. He wants to take over the community." He grabs my hand, listening. "I'm worried. He isn't listening to any logical reasoning. I'll fight for him to stay, but he can't be going off halfcocked like he did." I hang my head, feeling frustrated. "Maybe if I actually understood what he was feeling after it all fell apart, and learn every small detail of each event, maybe then I could understand. I feel guilty for failing them and not being there, but we all made it. It has to count for something." Phillip didn't win.
"It does. We are all reunited."
"My morals are having a battle right now." I quietly confess. "Maybe it starts with what I did the other day to Nicholas."
"I believe you were justified." He shrugs. "Little bastard had it coming."
"Maybe." I chuckle. "Then why am I feeling out of fucking sorts?" I moan, rubbing my face.
"Because you're growing, too." He elbows me. "You changed in your own way, too, during those two months. You even had a conversation you were avoiding with Daryl. Now, you're talking about feelings with me."
"What do you think about Rick?" I peer over at my friend.
"I see where he's coming from. He just needs to do it differently. I think these people can change and adapt, too. He just needs to help give them a push. Albeit a little less flashy and bloody." He smirks in my direction. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, bringing me close.
"I don't agree with Carol, either. I never thought I'd see the day where I'm at odds with her." I rest my head against him.
"You don't have to agree with everyone just because you love them and their family. It's a part of life. I didn't show up to your wedding because I loved you and I didn't agree with the choice you made." He murmurs. "Now if you and Daryl -"
"Shut up." I groan. "Don't go there." I playfully punch him.
He laughs. "C'mon, let's go eat before the meeting. I'm craving some of your cooking."
Deana clears her throat, facing all of us that have found our way to the meeting. "We're going to start."
Kelly and Charlee are sitting on either side of me while Jordan and Wren stand behind us. Charlee intertwines her fingers with mine. "Whatever happens, we will follow you." She whispers. I squeeze her hand, letting her know I'm thankful for her support. I stare into the fire, preparing to hear the worst.
"Can we wait? There's still people coming. Glenn, Rick." Maggie crosses her arms, watching Deana and her family.
Deana shakes her head. "We're going to start. It's already dark. We're going to talk about what happened. Not the fight. Not what precipitated it. We're dealing with that. We're going to talk about one of our constables, Rick Grimes. We're going to talk about how he had a pistol he stole from the armory, about how he pointed it at people. And we're going to talk about what he said. I was hoping he'd be here."
"She said he's coming." Michonne snarls.
"I'm sure he'll be here. And I'm sure we can work this all out." Carol argues.
Though realizing Deana isn't changing her mind, Michonne stands, beginning her testimony for Rick. "And after being out there and then not being how you were out there... it can drive you crazy. Rick just wants his family to live. He wants all of you to live. Who he is, is who you're gonna be. If you're lucky."
Carol spreads her arms, "Rick Grimes saved my life over and over. There's terrifying people out there. And he rescued me from them. People like me, people like us need people like him. I know what happened last night was scary. And I'm sure he's sorry for that. But maybe we should listen to what he was saying."
"Simply put, there is a vast ocean of shit you people don't know shit about. Rick knows every fine grain of said shit... and then some." Old Abe agrees.
I let go of Charlee, pulling myself up. My eyes find everyone around us. I awkwardly wipe my hands on my pants. "Rick found me when I was lost. I got stuck in Atlanta during my layover flight. I was wandering aimlessly for about two months, alone. I had just escaped my first herd of walkers. We found each other by luck. He had asked me to join him and his company. Because of him, I'm standing in your company. Because he took a chance on me, I'm able to fight for you all here. Every single one of us knows the details of how dirty you have to play outside of those gates. Because of Rick Grimes, we survived every bloody step of the way under his command. Ya'll are lucky to have him here in your presence." I look down at my childhood friends. "He saved me from the monsters that walk and breathe among us. He saved each and every fucking one of us. He is the way he is because he knows how to survive. We all lost so much but found so much more with each other."
Kelly's voice washes over us, "he reunited my sister and I with Vanessa. Otherwise, she would've been lost to us. Not only did we find her, but we also found an extended family. He's done right by us."
Maggie stalks over to my side. "My father respected Rick Grimes. Rick is a father, too. He's a man with a good heart who feels the things he does, the things he has to do. And all of us who were together before this place, no matter when we found each other, we're family now." She reaches for my hand. "Rick started that. And you won't stop it. You can't. And you don't want to. This community, you people... that family... you want to be a part of it, too."
Deana observes all of us, listening intently. "Before we hear from anyone else, I-- I would like to share something in the spirit of transparency. Father Gabriel came to see me the day before yesterday and he said our new arrivals can't be trusted, that they were dangerous, that they would put themselves before this community. And not one day later, Rick seemed to demonstrate all the things Father Gabriel said. I had hoped Gabriel would be here tonight."
He fucking did what? Red clouds my vision. It's always the pastors you have to keep your fucking eye on. Maggie rushes away, heading for the church. Better her than me.
Tobin quietly pleads, "I just want to keep my family safe. You know? And I don't even know what that means anymore, but if it means that we've got to get rid of--"
"He's not leaving." I growl.
Footsteps approach us. I jump back in surprise when a bloody and beaten Rick throws a dead walker at our feet. "There wasn't a guard on the gate. It was open."
"I asked Gabriel to close it." Spencer sputters.
Huh, it's been coming down to that man of his god tonight. I purse my lips. I'll let someone else handle him because he doesn't want me to get a hold of him and his snake in the nest behavior.
"I didn't bring it in. It got inside on its own. They always will-- the dead and the living, because we're in here. And the ones out there. They'll hunt us. They'll find us. They'll try to use us. They'll try to kill us. But we'll kill them. We'll survive. I'll show you how. You know, I was thinking-- I was thinking how many of you do I have to kill to save your lives? But I'm not gonna do that. You're gonna change. I'm not sorry for what I said last night. I'm sorry for not saying it sooner. You're not ready, but you have to be. Right now, you have to be. Luck runs out."
"You're not one of us. You're not one of us!" Pete bellows, finally gracing us with his presence. Horror floods my veins when I spot Michonne's sword in his grip. She really needs to keep this out of the hands of the bad guys. I jump into action, stalking over to Rick.
"Pete, you don't want to do this." Reggie pleads with the doctor.
"Get the hell away from me, Reg." Pete pushes at Deanna's husband. Blood begins to pour down his neck. Fuck, he really just cut Reggie's throat. He falls into his wife's arms. Abraham barrels over, restraining Pete. I pick up the sword. I saunter behind Abe, putting my back to the darkened archway, placing the blade firmly against Pete's neck.
"I dare you to try anything, asshole." I snarl.
Deanna sobs. "Oh god! Oh, my love. My love, my love. No, my love, no. No, my love." Through Pete's unhinged rants and ravings, her scowl finds our sheriff. "Rick. Do it."
Without being told twice, he spins, whipping out the pistol. Blood splashes against my legs when the bullet connects to his skull.
"Rick?" I peer over my shoulder, spotting a strange dark man standing between Daryl and Aaron.
The sword clatters out of my hand, rushing into Daryl's embrace. "You're back, Dare!" He wraps his arms around my back, placing a small kiss on my shoulders.
"What the hell did I fuckin' miss?" He grunts.