[ Italic - past situation (of dual times)
Normal - present (at the beach) ]
(Past situation 1: 4 years ago)
~| H E R | ~
I looked towards the jealousy in your eyes,
I looked towards the Possessiveness in your eyes,
I looked towards the anger in your eyes,
The same eyes which are ready to stab anyone,
Just for me.
But that was not the moment of love, that was the moment of anger. I did not like this much jealousy, because it's one of the factor that can ruin any relationship is it's overcooked.
Jealousy was like sugar, if it's used properly then it's sweet, but the moment it's overused it becomes poison.
" Why are you so pissed off? " You said like you didn't knew.
" I am not " I lied.
" But you are giving me those pissed off looks. " You said and I looked towards you, in your eyes, just to find the same jealousy.
" What else should I do then? The stunt you pulled up was not liked by me at any cost " I replied, still my eyes not leaving yours.
The same oceanic orbs,
But now just with the wave of emotions.
" What stunt? That guy was looking at you like he would have ripped off your clothes and- I don't even want to speak further " you said and banged your hand on the table.
" And that does not mean you will punch him. That much jealousy is not good for health, get it in your brain as soon as possible " I replied to you.
" But I could read his actions. He was not right for you, for any woman. I could sense it. I just didn't wanted you to get into trouble " you said and I gave you a look.
" I am not a 5 year old, am I? I can handle myself very well and I know who is right for me and who is not. "
" I never meant that. " You shouted and my anger raised.
" Then what the hell did you mean? You can't become voilent just in the name of jealousy. And please, don't shout and make it worse. Just leave the matter it's just that I didn't like that stunt even a little " I said and you sighed in defeat.
The shouts of yours were giving me the flashbacks which I didn't wanted again. I was tired of them.
" I'm sorry. But I just didn't found him right. I know you can take care of yourself and you are strong enough to do it but I just got jealous. " You apologised.
" I just don't like this. I don't want this fights. I had saw enough of them through my own eyes. I myself have saw how my parents faught, almost willing to kill each other. Everyday, everynight, just fights on little things and I hate it. I don't want our relation to turn like that. They were forced to be together because I was born, I...i don't want...a relation like them. Please " I said and covered my face to hide my tears.
I never wanted to cry on such topic but it wasn't small either. Those memories brought the tears, the memories of late night drama crossed in my mind. Those images of broken things which they broke in anger. I just can't.
I was instantly pulled by you towards your mascular chest and hugged me from back while kissing my head.
" It won't happen with us. You will not face those memories again. And if I ever hurt you then I promise, I myself will leave from your life. " You said and tears were not ready to stop while you turned me towards you.
" Hey, Hey. Relax Relax. It was just a normal couple fight and I am sorry about it. But trust me I am also a man, I know men very well. But It's fine. It happens " you tried to calm me and wiped my tears with your thumb.
" It was my mistake too. I am sorry. I just exaggerated it but I didn't mean to. Like I over reacted to everything. " I replied while hugging you more.
Your arms were a safe place for me,
No matter how much tired I was,
No matter how much hurt I was,
No matter how much scared I was,
No matter how much insecure I was,
They always provided me the safety,
They always provided me my home.
" We will never be your parents, never. I won't let that situation come "
Now when I look into the past I wonder which promise you broke, and which one you fulfilled,
The one about being with me forever,
Or the one about leaving my life when you hurt me.
But it wasn't just you. I was not less, even I broke my promises, even I hurted you, even I failed to save our relation.
That was not the only moment in which you were jealous,
Once again same happened,
I don't know about you, but I felt deja vu. Our every memory was deja vu.
It happened in two parts, one in which we didn't let our ego win. And the other in which there was nothing other than ego and misunderstanding.
We think about good memories, but the bad ones definitely comes after that. Specially when you were the one who was at fault.
How much I wish that atleast I didn't react like that when the next time same happened. Atleast I would have tried to understand him. Atleast I would have let it go. But I didn't. I let my ego come in between. I let the misunderstanding arise. I remember it all too well.
(Past situation 2: 4 months ago)
Once I loved seeing you jealous, I loved seeing you possesive, I loved everything, But till an extent.
The jealousy was overflowing,
The Possessiveness was not the same, It was growing wilder.
You entered the room where I was, but seeing you just flickered my anger, so I turned to leave. But you held my wrist to stop me.
" Why are you so pissed off? " You said looking into my eyes and I bet you would have found burning anger in it.
" It doesn't matter " I replied.
" But what happened? " You asked I just shrugged.
" Like you don't know " I replied
" It isn't because of that matter, is it? If it is then please That guy was looking at you like he would have ripped off your clothes and- I don't even want to speak further " you said and banged your hand on the table.
I looked into your oceanic eyes,
Which now seemed like were having thier high waves
" And that does not mean you will punch him. That much jealousy is not good for health, get it in your brain as soon as possible " I replied to you.
" But I could read his actions. He was not right for you, for any woman. I could sense it. I just didn't wanted you to get into trouble " you said and I laughed sarcastically.
" Didn't wanted me to get in trouble? What am I? A 5 year old? And for god sake, he was one of my colleague. You can not punch him right across his face. You don't know what impression did you left in front of everyone else there. " I replied and you just looked blankly at me.
" And a week ago you did the same. You let jealousy take over you without knowing my situation. That rainy day when I came with one of my colleague, you acted so jealous that you didn't heard to me atleast once. My phone didn't worked properly, I was all wet in the rain, I could not even hear your voice properly in that damn phone. I knew I was at fault, so when I came to make it up, you ignored me like anything. That wasn't even a topic to make a mess of. But no, you acted in jealousy. " I continued.
" I was half a way there in the rain, after a hectic day, just to pick you up. At that moment what should I even do? And what should I think? I did what I thought was right. " You replied.
" You just misunderstood me. That was all. It was not my intention to break the rule, I was forced to. But as I said, jealousy ruins everything. Today you reacted the same. And I just don't want this jealousy to come in between "
" you don't even know how greedly he was looking at you. I got his intensions at the very first time. And no one can dare to look at my wife like that " you said
" You don't own me " I replied with no regret. But the hurt look on your face did make my heart clench.
" I never said I do! It's not about that, why the hell you don't get it. I know what's wrong for you. And I even asked you to stay away from many guys before. That time you understood me, but why aren't you doing that now? " You were angry by now, I can sense it. But I was also not less.
" I didn't understood it before, but you are controlling. And that shit is toxic. "
You gave me a shock look with pure hurt in your eyes, but a wall was made in front of my eyes which didn't let me see anything, and that was the wall of ego.
" Are you for real? Controlling? What did I even do that made you say that word? Told you to not to go outside without me? Or asked you to not to talk to any other guy Rather than me? What the fuck I even did to make you say that? "
I flinched over the loud sound which basically happened when the glass vase met the floor
The vase broke due to the force,
you applied to bang your hand on the table.
It was all giving me flashbacks,
Which I once saw from my own eyes,
Now I am seeing the same thing with us in between.
" 'Don't talk with him, don't roam with him, look the way he is looking as you, he's not safe.' What's all this? " I mimicked.
" It's for your safety and just for you. I have no benefit to do that. If I found any guy wrong then atleast I should warn you right? I just thought about your safety. If you find it wrong then I won't do it. Live the way you want. I just genuinely care for you but why are you just misunderstanding me all the time now? Why are you just exaggerating things now? "
" I am exaggerating? Seriously? I just can take care of myself and I want you to know it. I know how to handle everything I am strong enough. And when you say all this I feel like you are doubting my strength " I muttered out.
" Doubting? Wow. Just great. Now caring also comes under doubting. I never said you are not strong and neither am doubting your strength. I..I just want to make sure you are safe. " There were tears in your eyes but at that moment ego took over my eyes and I failed to notice it too.
" I get it. But I just want to say that you cannot get jealous on this small topics. Please " I said and tried to controll my tears.
" Leave it. Caring about someone is also a crime now " you said and turned to leave so that I can't notice those tears.
The tears which were building inside me also started flowing from my eyes. I was getting those flashbacks which I didn't wanted. The same type of situation, the things breaking, the loud shouts, the angry looks, the cries. I saw all this but just in our place, my parents were there.
I held my head from my hands and started crying and sobbing.
I said I didn't wanted fights, but that's what I am getting.
Fights were normal, but this much are not. Everyday new issue.
I never wanted to overeact to this, but first time I saw my father in you. The same way he used to get jealous. I wanted that to stop. And in that process, I started reacting like my mother.
That was the mistake.
I could have solved out nicely but I couldn't. It was a very sensitive topic for me, and you knew that.
The sobs were increasing, but it increased more realising that this time I didn't had a shoulder to cry on, I didn't had a person to hug the hell out, I didn't had a person to wipe my tears and give me strength. Because I am fighting against the one who was always with me, gave me a shoulder, hugged me, wiped my tears and said
" It's okay. I am there for you "
But now you were not.
*
Maybe it was his fault to get too much jealous?
Or
Maybe it was her fault to get his intentions wrong?
Whoever's fault it was,
Misunderstandings arrived and broke the third string of love.
*
~..I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears..
And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain
Crossing out the good years
And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet~