Third person pov
Jiraiya's eyes were puffy and red-rimmed from crying, but he was notably sober. Minato found this to be highly suspicious and unexpected. He'd been dead six years but he doubted Jiraiya had abandoned his love for a good drink in that time, especially not at a time like this. If this was a desperate attempt to try and 'be better' or something, he was about six years too late.
Minato's office felt stuffy, the air a little too humid and a little too strained. Minato's face ached from how tight it was, like it wasn't used to grimacing this hard. He resisted the urge to drum his fingers on the surface of his desk as he inspected the sannin, swallowing the scathing retorts he wanted to scream at him. This was someone he'd seen as a father. This was someone who had left Naruto here alone to suffer. This was someone who hadn't checked in on him even once.
"You showed." Minato let his disappointment over the fact bleed through, even if he knew he almost certainly needed Jiraiya's help for this. That didn't mean he had to like it. Why were things so complicated? He just wanted to go be a dad. Never mind all the casual terrorism and demons getting improperly sealed into poor, unassuming sand babies. If you were going to put a chakra beast in a kid, at least do it right. "How... wonderful."
"Well, don't sound too excited now." Jiraiya aimed for a smile, but his voice came out weak and the curl of his lips didn't even come close to reaching his eyes. Minato resisted the petty urge to dramatically scoff and instead sunk petulantly back into his chair, staring at the framed photo of Naruto on his desk for strength. "Kakashi said you, uh... th-that you needed my help with something important. With Suna?"
Minato swallowed his sigh and wished, not for the first time, that Suna had waited like, at least another month to come talk to him. He didn't have time for this. No, really. Leaving the village right now was a god awful idea. Things were too fragile and vulnerable, and the Uchiha clan had been teetering on the edge of staging a coup when Minato first got here. If they didn't resolve the issues they had fast, they may still take that leap. Naruto also needed stability and routine, and Minato prancing off into the rolling desert hills wasn't going to provide that.
"They're having an issue with their tailed beast. Though I was given few details, I believe they attempted to seal it into the Kazekage's youngest a few years back and failed horribly. If they're asking us for help, it's pretty obvious they've got absolutely no idea what the hell they're doing. It's not free as far as I know, but it might be if the seal isn't fixed." Minato grimaced, ignoring the watery way Jiraiya was staring at him. Like he was a ghost-- a gift he couldn't wrap his mind around. It made Minato feel cold all over. "As their allies, we're obligated to give them aid. Especially concerning something as dangerous as this. If the one tails were to break free, it could effect us too."
Jiraiya nodded in understanding, sniffling in a way that made Minato want to flip his desk so hard it flew and barreled his former sensei over. What right did he even have to be upset? He was the one who chose to leave the village and not return. He was the one who abandoned Naruto! If anyone should be crying in this situation, it should be Minato. Maybe even Naruto, but Minato didn't intend on ever telling his son what Jiraiya had failed to be for him.
This was hard. It was hard, because Minato was angry, and he didn't want to talk to Jiraiya, and the only thing he really wanted was to curl up on the couch with Naruto at home. He wanted to listen to Kakashi humming in the kitchen, watch the ninken drape themselves across the living room like they owned the place. Listen to Naruto jabber in his ear, giving every detail of his day in the same, painstakingly explicit way Kushina always had. So in depth you might as well have been there yourself.
"They need seal masters." Jiraiya offered quietly, voice rife with understanding. There was a glint in his eyes. He knew this was an opening, and Minato hated that it was one. This was going to force them to interact. Were there not the possibility of a child being harmed, Minato would have barred Jiraiya from going anywhere near the sand village and simply handled it himself. Or maybe he'd have sent the sannin alone, since he was apparently so keen on avoiding Konoha. "You want us to go. To help."
Minato had never known one man's voice could make him so upset before. He reminded himself again that this was a two man job. That he couldn't wall Jiraiya out yet.
"I do." Minato lied because really, he didn't. He had no idea what the hell he was going to do with Naruto during that time. Could he take him? His son was the village Jinchuriki, and as young as he was, it wasn't safe to remove him even if he would have the protection of a kage, sannin, and whatever ANBU accompanied them on the convoy. But leaving him here-- was that really any safer, the way the village treated his child in his absence? What if something happened? "You come to help, and you leave me and my son alone. Or you can turn in your headband. Your choice."
No matter how much Minato moaned and groaned, this situation was serious. They were desperate if they were asking, and if they were desperate then it meant things had to be at least somewhat dangerous. If it was that dire, Minato couldn't morally turn them away. Not after reading the reports of the resources they'd sent over after the destruction the Nine Tailed Fox rained down on the village. As shaky as their relationship with the other village had been in the last two years, that didn't mean they weren't still allied.
Minato had to be the bigger person here. It was shit and he really wished it weren't the case, but it was true. The rage he'd begun to feel simmering more often than not in his gut when he wasn't around his son wasn't normal. Minato had a lot of anger and resentment in him, and it only seemed to build the more he learned about what his son had been through. He had to wrangle it. He couldn't let this happen to himself.
"Of course I'll come." Jiraiya said it in an infuriatingly soft tone of voice. Minato's teeth clenched, and he refused to look at the sannin as his feet shuffled. He wasn't sure if seeing his former mentor's hurt expression would hurt him or just make him madder. Probably the latter at the rate things were going. "Do you know when we'll be heading out?"
"No. I still need to talk with my men and figure out what I'm doing with Naruto. You know. My son, who you abandoned even though Kushina and I trusted you to look after him. That one." Minato's voice came out less hostile than he'd thought it would, more flat and dry than anything else. He could practically feel Jiraiya tense, fresh guilt roiling through the air in waves. Good. Minato hoped he felt awful for the rest of his goddamn life. This was Naruto they were talking about. "I'll send someone for you."
Jiraiya didn't say anything else. If he had, Minato thinks he might've really thrown his desk at him.
~~~
Kurama is mean. He's grumpy, he really doesn't like when Naruto tries to make conversation with him, and he says some undeniably cruel things that would surely make Naruto's stomach curl had he not already had worse thrown his way. He likes his naps and hates humans, the Uchiha clan most of all. He's massive, he's old, and he's still having an identity crisis about his species.
He is also an amazing teacher.
He really shouldn't be all things considered, but Naruto has never been one to deny the strikingly obvious. Something about the way Kurama words things just clicks in his pea-sized Naruto brain. After days and days and days of trying to stick his feet to the piss water, Kurama's got him doing it in a single night. And out of spite, no less! All because Naruto had insinuated there was no way Kurama could possibly tell him anything about chakra that he didn't already know.
Turns out Kurama was right. He does appear to know everything about chakra. Any question Naruto can think to ask, Kurama has an answer for it. None of it sounds like bullshit he's just spouting out as he goes along to sound smart, either. Kurama somehow knows what he's talking about and he knows how to word it in a way that Naruto will be able to understand, because nothing annoys Kurama more than having to repeat himself. Thus, it's easier for him to dumb it down the first time.
However, Kurama knowing all these things that Naruto doesn't know makes it very unlikely that this is actually a dream. Which means he really does have a giant rat entity living inside his brain that he only visits in his sleep. It also means that his image of himself really is, uh... sewer-like. Crappy, to throw in a horribly and wholly intentional pun.
Naruto's not sure how to fix that. All he knows is that he has to, and soon if he wants to save Kurama from having to live here forever. It's not fair; especially since Naruto's been blaming the whole nasty water thing on him from the beginning despite Kurama's insistence that it's not his fault. Rat or not, he doubts Kurama enjoys having to exist here. How does Naruto begin to view himself as... man, he doesn't know. Daisy fields and giant forests, or wherever big, egotistical rats like to live.
"I did it! I can't believe it!" Naruto shrieked in total delight, ignoring the way Kurama's abnormally long ears flattened in annoyance at the piercing sound. Could you blame him? He was no longer standing barefoot in literal sewer water! He was now standing on top of it. Which was like, so much better. "I must be better at this stuff than I thought! I thought I'd never do it!"
"Not the case. You're still incompetent." Kurama insulted unnecessarily, but it was all in the name of friendship, so Naruto didn't call him out for it it. He just continued to bounce, reveling in the way he didn't fall through the rippling water. Who knew all he had to do was pretend the chakra flow coating his feet was malleable enough to absorb the ripples and changes in the water? Like memory foam! "Will you shut up and leave me alone now?"
"What? Why would I do that?" Naruto frowned, looking away from his feet to peer at the large creature whom he kind of wanted to pet but knew he'd get eaten for it. Kurama groaned is despair from where he had his head laying on his massive, weird hand-paw things, closing his eyes like not seeing Naruto would make the reality of him being there disappear. "You're like, the coolest ever! A great dude!"
Kurama had a low self-esteem, you see. He needed lots of encouragement and praise, no matter how much he denied the fact. He was always calling himself a demon and a monster and terrifying-- if Naruto's dad said those were bad things to be called and that Naruto didn't deserve it, then Kurama obviously didn't deserve it either. Not even coming from himself! No matter how ugly he was, he was still really nice deep down.
Like a grumpy old man screaming at people to get off of his lawn, but with better morals hidden in there... somewhere. Or something. Talk of eating Konoha's entire population and then burning it down aside. Alright, so maybe he's possibly a murderer based on the way he talks, but nobody's perfect! Naruto is getting through to him. He can feel it.
"Call me a 'dude' again and I will gut you in front of your entire family." Kurama seethed, but it was half-hearted. Proof that Naruto's growing on him? Naruto doesn't actually know enough about people and how emotions work to know, but he'll figure it out eventually. "You are a pathetic worm. You should be grateful I allow your continued existence. The fact that you get to converse with a being of my stature is a gift someone of your minimal intellect will never be able to wrap their puny, pitiful, nearly non-existent little brain around."
"I know." Naruto chirped out, planting his hands on his hips. Kurama made a face at his lack of frustration at being insulted, eyes cracking open to squint at him in annoyance. As much rude stuff as he threw Naruto's way, Naruto never got angry over it. It was still nothing compared to the dozens of eyes the village pinned on him when he walked down the street. At least he was saying it to his face and not whispering it under his breath. "Now show me something else cool! Unless that was all you had, which I totally get."
"All I had? Me?" Kurama raised his hands off his paws, eyes fiery. He seemed less mad than he had last time Naruto subtly implied he was an idiot. "I am an endless well of knowledge, you impudent little slug!"
Naruto grinned up at him excitedly and wondered if he imagined the subtle way the corners of Kurama's massive mouth briefly twitched up.
~~~~
His dad was weird. He'd wanted Naruto to go to therapy, but he'd also almost cried sending him in. He was upset enough that Naruto now felt somewhat dubious over the whole thing. He'd originally thought-- after seeing his reaction to Naruto going-- that it was some sort of chop shop and this was going to be the end for him. Getting in here, it sort of just looked like any other room.
He remained on edge. Naruto is really good at being on edge. One could even argue that it's what he does best. He's alert and plenty more observant than a lot of people presume looking at him. As loud and abrasive as he can be, Naruto knows how to watch. He doesn't normally do it so openly, but right now it's only him and his new therapist in this room. There's nowhere to hide, even if there are lots of ways to escape.
There's the door, which is behind Naruto and not locked. There's three big windows too, covered in blinds that wouldn't be hard to get around if he needed to. He had no idea what the panes were made out of, if it was glass or the bendy, break-resistant stuff. Kurama had been showing him how to kick things with chakra. Sure, all he had to kick was dirty water, but he'd made some pretty big waves. Way bigger than should've been possible. Maybe it would be enough to break out of here if the guy turned out evil?
"My name is Ayumu Yamanaka. If you decide you don't mind, I'm going to be your counselor going forward." The man introduced with a (seemingly, but who knows these days) kind smile, hair pulled up into a tight bun and eyes just as pale as Ino's were. Naruto eyed him warily from where he was sat across from the guy, dwarfed by the plush armchair. "Your father thought you could benefit from meetings with me. Do you know why?"
"Because I'm traumatized and my brain looks like a sewer." Naruto said dutifully, because that's exactly why he's here. Ayumu blinked at him, evidently not having expected this level of self awareness from a six year old. Surprise, surprise. Most six year old boys don't have oddly philosophical and bitter piss rats living in their heads. "Don't worry. I figured out what love was days ago."
Ayumu stared at him for a beat, which wasn't the most confidence-inspiring thing in the world. Naruto's eyes trailed across the room. It was all bright colors, crayon drawings papering the walls, all of them held up by thumb tacks. There was a shelf full of toys, and a dollhouse on a table in the corner. The table that separated him from his new therapist had all sorts of drawing materials on it, along with clean paper. Naruto wondered if he'd be asked to draw anything.
"...Well, I'm happy to hear that, Naruto. Love is a very wonderful thing." Ayumu said, and yeah. He's not wrong. But he's also stating the obvious, which Kurama never does. Naruto had been wondering who was going to be the more effective advice-giver. Considering this guy's snail pace, it's looking like Kurama's going to have yet another thing to brag about. "Your dad cares about you very much. It sounds like we have a lot to talk about, but why don't we use this session to get to know one another first? I think that could help build a lot of trust going forward, and help us both understand each other better."
Ugh. That was super cool and all that, but a total waste of time. Kurama knew how to cut out the middle man. The middle man being patience, sensitivity, and empathy. None of which Naruto needed because a part of him has already been killed off by childhood trauma and it's not coming back anytime soon. It makes things like this a whole lot easier, at least. Wait, is that something he should bring up to try and fix via therapy? Maybe.
"Never mind all that!" Naruto all but crowed. Ayumu's brows raised. Naruto decided that he had to just go for it bluntly if he was going to get anything done. "Listen, I have like, practically no self worth. It's so low it probably doesn't even exist. A bunch of people used to call me a monster, and a demon, and horrible, and then my dad showed up and I realized I believed it all! I still can't really convince myself that I'm an okay person. I just grew up with it so I didn't even know it was wrong! So now I have to undo that so my brain can look like a field of pretty, pollenless flowers. Because I have seasonal allergies."
Ayumu stares at him for a beat, definitely contemplating whether or not he's paid enough for this. Naruto's good at waiting though and simply settles for staring him down intimidatingly, trying to convey the seriousness of the situation. Kurama's home life is at stake here. If Naruto gets to live in a nice house he feels safe in, shouldn't he get too also? Naruto wanted to be a responsible landlord!
"Okay... alright, sure. We can start with that. I'll do my best to help you, Naruto." Ayumu recovered with a smile. He leans forward and taps his fingers on the table in front of him, eyes imploring. "You described your brain as a sewer. Do you think you can draw that for me, and tell me why you think it looks that way?"
"I don't think. I know. It smells bad, it's gross, and it's really dark. Nasty water everywhere." Naruto said, but he slid out of his chair anyway and grabbed for the darkest crayon shades. "And it looks like that because I don't like myself. Nobody liked me before my dad, Kakashi, and the dogs, so I thought it was alright. But turns out it's not so I really, really need to fix it. Do you know how I can like myself? Having a sewer as a mind seems really unhealthy."
Should he include Kurama in the drawing? No, he'd asked to see the sewer part. Besides, he didn't want to invade Kurama's privacy too much. Naruto didn't like being talked about behind his back, so he doubted Kurama would either. Naruto's not going to mention him unless he absolutely has to. Or unless Kurama says he's allowed to, but he kind of wants to keep the whole fixing his mind thing on the down low. It could be a nice surprise.
Naruto glanced up from where he'd been scribbling in the endless black of his mind, doing a double-take when he saw the look on Ayumu's face. The man looked perplexed and deeply concerned, observing Naruto and his drawing with pinched brows. Naruto searched his expression for hostility and found none, so he turned back to his illustration with vigor and continued to display its depths. The black crayon didn't seem dark enough.
"Well, Naruto, I happen to think you're a very likable young man. Thank you for opening up to me. I'm sure it couldn't have been easy to disclose such a thing to someone you've just met." Ayumu's voice was encouraging, and his smile genuine. Naruto blinked at him. "We're going to do our best. The first step to getting better when we're hurt is trying. I think you're doing wonderfully so far. I must tell you with full certainty before we go any further, though I'm sure your father has told you before, that those names you were called are wrong. You should've never had to go through such a thing. I promise that we will work through this together."
Naruto wasn't sure if he believed him, but he nodded and returned a smile anyway.
~~~~~~
"Lord Hokage." Ayumu Yamanaka gave the smallest of bows as Kakashi swept Naruto out of the room on his hip, Naruto jabbering the whole way and leaving his father and new therapist to talk. Minato frowned at the grimness in the other man's voice. The door closing behind Kakashi felt like a guillotine slamming down on Minato's neck. "Naruto did wonderfully in his first session, but I must express that I am deeply concerned by some of the things we talked about. Naruto has conveyed some truly worrying information to me in the past hour."
Minato felt his heart drop, and his gaze unintentionally drifted down to the low table between the two seats in the room. There were a few drawings there, all but one of them dark. He felt his Adam's apple bob with nerves. He knew he should've suspected this was coming. He'd been trying to mentally prepare for it, but it didn't make it any less heartbreaking. He took a breath and steeled himself for the worst.
"I... I was afraid of that. He's been through a lot-- much more than any boy his age should. I don't know how he continues to smile the way he does." Minato's voice came out quieter than intended. He cleared his throat a bit and tried to keep the wobble from his tone, tearing his gaze away from the drawings to look at the man. "What can you tell me?"
"Has Naruto ever mentioned his mind being a sewer?" Ayumu asked carefully, sinking back into his seat and gesturing for Minato to do the same. The kage did so, taking a deep breath as he went. He had to stay strong for Naruto. They were getting him help. It was going to be okay.
"Briefly. He's described it briefly in the context of recurring dreams. He doesn't bring them up all that often. An offhanded comment here and there." Minato watched Ayumu's frown deepened. The man glanced down at his clipboard, and Minato felt the flame of anxiety in his chest flare. "Kakashi and I didn't think much of it. There's... There's more to it, isn't there?"
Had Naruto been presenting a problem to them the whole time and they didn't notice? He was just so cheerful, so upbeat. It was hard to know anything was wrong unless he outwardly said it. Minato felt ill. First him not knowing what being loved was-- though he now insisted he'd figured it out, it didn't little to soothe Minato-- and now this? What did it mean?
Minato felt like a failure. And he knew it wasn't his fault and it wasn't Kushina's, and that they did the best they could in the moment to ensure their son's survival, but to see him hurting the way he was now... it made Minato feel ill. He'd left him. Naruto had been alone and isolated, and Minato was never going to be able to forgive himself for it. Never going to be able to forgive the village for what they'd done, Jiraiya for his abandonment, the Third for his neglect.
Even if it's all he'd been able to do, Minato had still done this. He'd done this. He put the fox in Naruto, he died and left him alone. Nothing would ever change that fact.
"There is, I'm afraid. Naruto was very brave today, and more self-aware than any six year old child I've worked with. He expressed to me that he does not have a high opinion of himself. This village has been cruel to him, has called him names and thrown insults with no shame. Naruto has told me that he believes the horrible things he's been told to be true." Ayumu frowned. Minato's heart skipped a beat as the therapist hesitated for a moment. "However, he also told me that he knows on an intellectual level that they're not true. He asked me for help believing that he is, as he put it, and 'okay' person. He wants to like himself."
"O-Oh." Minato squeaked out, horrified. He swallowed thickly and willed himself not to burst into tears right here, struggling to right himself. He shifted in his seat and tried to stay calm. Naruto didn't like himself. But Naruto... knew him not liking himself wasn't right and wanted to fix it? That was good, right? "And this... this is related to his dreams?"
"Yes. Though it exceedingly rare, it's not entirely unheard of for traumatized youth to recede into the deepest parts of their mind when they sleep as a defense mechanism against nightmares and hard to deal with emotions that would harm their psyche. This phenomenon is triggered by a bout of intense stress. Sudden changes can cause it to occur, and once it begins it can continue for any length of time, even after the child has calmed." Ayumu leaned forward and tapped on one of the drawings. The paper had been colored almost entirely black. Minato looked down at it.
It was desolate. Colored black meticulously to make sure not even a dot of white was left. The bottom half of the page was brown with hints of deep indigo and grey in it, forming squiggly lines that implied water movement. A sewer. A very dark sewer. Minato reached out to touch the drawing again, ignoring the way his hands shook.
"Our mindscapes reflect how we see ourselves. Naruto drew this-- a dark sewer that smells bad and is entirely quiet, with nothing but black for as far as the eye can see. This suggests a deep level of emotional trauma. It's likely he did not sleep well before his consciousness began to recede into this part of his mind." Ayumu said, voice soft and sad. "When he is here, it can be assumed he isn't afraid, even if it is dark and he is alone. Because it is his mind, he may even feel more at ease inside of it than he does in the real world, whether he realizes it or not."
And that was... fuck, it was horrifying. Absolutely, bone-chillingly horrifying. Minato stared down at the paper before him and tried to comprehend the fact that he was looking at the equivalent to Naruto's emotional health. This was his opinion of himself, drawn by his own hands as he saw it. His son went here every night.
"I don't know how he knows what this sewer is. I'm not sure how he knows it's linked to how he thinks of himself, either." Ayumu admitted. He shifted another drawing forward. It was the only bright one on the table, depicting green, rolling hills dotted with flowers. "This is what he wants his mind to look like. He wants to value himself more. I'm not sure where he's getting this kind of determination or awareness, but it's highly unusual. Though it's a bit severe, I think he could benefit greatly from daily sessions with me going forward as opposed to weekly ones."
"R...Right. Right, yes. Of course." Minato's voice came out hoarser than he intended. He shakily scooped up the bright drawing. Naruto wanted to feel this way about himself. Wanted his mind to be pretty and open, just as it should be. "Whatever you think is best. This is far more serious than I thought. If I'd... If I'd known, then..."
Ayumu gave a sympathetic smile as Minato drew the other drawings forward as well. The sewer one, and the two others. One looked like nothing but a blot of dark colors, the words 'how I feel' written sloppily under it. Another was the sewer again, but this time with a tiny figure dwarfed in it, showing the sheer enormity of the dark space to scale. Minato stared at the small, orange figure and wondered if anything could ever hurt more than this did.
"It's serious, yes, but not the end of the world. Naruto already knows, on some level, that what happened to him is wrong. That's the most important step of all. He wants to think of himself better, and that's half the battle." Ayumu reassured. He brought forward another paper from his clipboard, this one covered in colorful writing. "We made this list of positive things about him for him to focus on. In the meantime, I suggest staying positive and complimenting his achievements. If he does something good, tell him. But don't overplay it."
"D-Don't overplay it. Right." Minato took the list with a trembling hand, hardly registering what he was saying. He looked back at Ayumu, knowing his heartbreak must be shining through his eyes. This was his son's mind. His son believed all those things. And Minato couldn't fix it, couldn't fix anything. "Same time tomorrow?"
"If that works for you." Ayumu said agreeably. He set down his clipboard on the table idly, meeting Minato's gaze head on. "We made a lot of progress today, Mr. Namikaze. Let him know you enjoy spending time with it. Say it in explicit terms and give him lots of physical affection if he'll tolerate it. As determined as Naruto is, he'll have his mind on the right track in no time. I think I'll be able to build enough rapport with him to enter his mind myself within a few weeks to see how things are progressing myself. He's going to be okay."
Minato looked down at the tiny figure, alone in the sewer, and hoped achingly that Ayumu Yamanaka was telling the truth.