Propinquity | liskook ✓

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❝Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, conceited or proud.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.❞

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word count: 15.6k (welp— 👀)
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«NARRATION»

All his life, Jungkook had always been curious about the idea of love and perceived that loving someone was as easy as falling in love itself.

Fast forward from the period of his puberty and endless pining over the warmth of hopeless love for years on end, he had finally found someone he liked to address as his better half.

Yet instead of being happy and contented and joyful about what he had encountered in the sweet something of ceaseless ups and downs, Jungkook could only conjure up three sentiments loitering in his mind;

hesitation.

misery.

despair.

Staring at the empty chair across the dining table, Jungkook fixed the cuff of his shirt as he got up. He then sauntered towards the little room at the dead end of the hallway which offered no significant use until Lisa moved in and the space was converted into a humble studio room.

His fist hovered at the closed door; he could hear subtle bass sounds booming against the barrier and a simultaneous trail of thoughts flooded his head, preventing him from posing a knock.

"Lisa", his lips curved at the whisper of his words, only for him to realise that no sound would come out from the other end.

Maybe she didn't hear him.

Or maybe she probably did hear him, yet she chose to ignore his call, because he might've been intruding in her business.

Plus, there had been clear instructions following from a conversation that occurred three moons ago that prevented anybody from entering the room while she had been working over new music — after all, her team had finally found a gig to perform after a hiatus worth a few months. Partly for her bandmate Namjoon's engagement to Jisoo and her own graduation ceremony of earning an MBA degree to appease her parents, following which she had decided to finally pursue music as a full-time career.

And to make a 'comeback' after a break had to be a banger, majorly the reason why Lisa had been stressing over her composition more often than ever.

Jungkook just wanted to utter a brief goodbye before commuting to work. He wanted to maybe peck her forehead; he wanted to nag her to walk around the house a little to avoid muscle cramps by rotting away in the small space, or maybe about looking for healthier breakfast options than relying over soaked cereals for every breakfast.

There also rested an uncomfortable urge in him to alarm her that she wouldn't get to see him until after ten pm today, so she probably needed to have dinner by herself for the night. Yet all of this wasn't a meaningful reminder when it had become a usual habit for the last three days so maybe, his whole attempt was plainly worthless.

Jungkook's fist now softly rested against the door in defeat as he contemplated over a variety of questions he knew no answers to; he lingered by the door for a few fleeting seconds before he parted away.

Over an hour or so later, Lisa stretched her arms out as she walked out of her mini studio. She blinked her bloodshot eyes to get acquainted with her surroundings, only to find a bright sticky note on the wall of the fridge facing her.

Work till ten. Don't wait up for me.

Lisa was certain that she could recognise this particular haste-driven handwriting anywhere in the world; picking up the note she crumbled it absentmindedly, throwing it into a nearby trash bin. She glanced at the wall clock that read it was nearly about one pm, that only meant that unknowingly enough, she had completely skipped breakfast today.

Maybe it wasn't too late for lunch then.

— ➷ —

Just while Lisa was done halfway through eating her lunch which was an order-in bento box from a nearby semi-functional catering service, she received a phone call — from her boyfriend.

It was unusual of Jungkook to call her even during normal times, let alone the fact that he was probably calling her while at work. Mostly because Jungkook was more of a text person and Lisa still possessed her good old habit of leaving her phone on her desk, buried beneath a scattered pile of notes and forgetting about its existence half of the time, and so texting just seemed more convenient.

Wearily, she picked up the call. "Hello?"

"...Hey." Came Jungkook's voice from the other end. Calm and composed as if to maintain normalcy and yet with a tinge of worry twisted in the gravelly tone.

"You had breakfast? I didn't see you leave."

"I... I'm sorry, actually I had to arrive early today and I didn't want to disturb you, so, uh...I ate breakfast by myself." Despite the fact that they'd been together for nearly over a year now, the conversation kept drifting into awkward silences as though they were looking for icebreakers to continue.

"Ah, alright. I see you left me a note too."

"You saw it?"

"The one on the fridge? Yeah I did." She hummed, the note probably lying somewhere in trash now.

"Hmmm, I think I left another one in the second cabinet, somewhere on your cereal box. Did you read that?"

Instantly, her footsteps paced back into the kitchen to rummage through the cabinet while balancing the phone between her shoulder and her ear. Lisa held the cereal box, another sticky note with a familiar handwriting pasted on the front face.

Stop relying on this soggy excuse of a meal, you need a healthier option of nutrients than an unhealthy amount of sugars in it.

A faint smile appeared on Lisa's chapped lips. "Thanks to you, I'm reading it now. Guess I'm too late....ah by the way, why'd you call?"

Jungkook stuttered over his answer . "N-nothing specific....I, mmmh.... just wanted to hear your voice, so."

"My voice?"

"Yeah, I mean — you and I are just too occupied so we don't see each other as much. It isn't like I should always have a reason to call you up, shouldn't I?"

"I get it, it's just amusing to me now 'cause you used to say that all the time and now...."

"To say what...?"

"That....uhm, remember?" Lisa fumbled to look for words. "Like when we were seeing each other only a month in, you would call me at random times just to let me know that you missed my voice."

"You've got a pretty voice, no kidding with that."

The smile reappeared on Lisa's face again, bringing out the glow in her body that earlier drooped with enervation. "So...you're coming home late tonight?"

"Yeah..." Jungkook sighed, before an unsettling pause from the other end of the line. "Just this small... and positively stupid corporate function—"

"Oh. You'll be out for long?" Lisa asked out of the blue, her teeth grazing her lower lip while she awaited an answer.

"Why, would you be missing me?"

"Yah, I never said that. All I know is that you always try to avoid such parties — which, in my opinion, is very poor cause no one should say no to free food — so you probably had a change of heart, huh?"

"I did consider talking my boss out but he's a stubborn guy y'know, it's how it goes like."

"Hmm, I see." Lisa choked out a reply, though unsure if she could ever relate to a situation like Jungkook, given that she didn't have a corporate job of her own. She had never understood the office environment with the supervisor yelling and nagging people and instructing them of how things were supposed to go the way they deemed the definition of perfect.

Even during the days of pursuing a degree and doing a part-time internship Lisa had it clear in her mind that the skill set of music was something that would always stay with her while she worked from home, on something with her heart and something that gave her a flair of independence and confidence in her soul.

"Uhm....so, I'll see you at home?" Jungkook started off, followed by Lisa humming her response.

"Yeah...take care."

"You too, don't overwork yourself." Jungkook whispered. "Love you."

"Mmmh." Lisa nodded, instantly tapping over the red coloured end-call icon, cutting the line.

If Lisa was being very frank, she could sense something was off about Jungkook. Usually, he often succeeded in making the most ridiculous of excuses to not attend office parties yet nowadays, it felt like he was willingly wanting to do anything to stay away from home.

Yet these facets of overthinking receded as soon as they interfered in Lisa's head, the smile wavering back into a thin stern press of the lips; she wasn't willing to dwindle and reflect on it as she prepared herself on the move again.

Finishing off with her lunch, Lisa cleared the dishes in the sink before proceeding to complete other menial chores around the house that included — vacuuming the carpeted floor, dusting around the little antique pieces of home decor placed in the living room space, taking the trash out among others.

By the time all that was done, Lisa felt fatigue take over her body. A migraine began in her head throbbing with stiffness and pain and it was difficult to continue standing after that. She sprawled herself on the couch, fluttering her eyes shut to somehow block out the constant hammering, at the same time relieving her from the overbearing thoughts that reminded her that she still had some work to be done on her new releases.

Nearly about an hour later, Lisa woke up from her brief nap, basking in the view of the almost setting sun from the window. It suddenly struck her that she was supposed to show up at Hoseok and Yoongi's apartment to play her track and tweak some parts before she finalised the version for the gig in the coming week. She pinged a text on Hoseok's contact, proceeding to leave her place after receiving an affirmative reply from his side.

— ➷ —

"Ayo Lisa? Miss I've been trying to get your attention for the past three minutes. Why are you so lost?" Hobi folded his arms as he leaned back on his chair.

Lisa broke out of her trance, shrugging her shoulders. "Wh-at? Ha, nothing."

"If you thought that excuse worked, sorry to say it didn't. You don't seem like yourself.....something off?"

"Nope, I was only wondering about how the gig would turn out, now that Joon is probably house hunting with Jisoo and Yoongs is out somewhere, composing a featured ost for another artist. Think we'll be able to pull it off?"

"You're worried....? Lord spare me, that's my part to play, if not me then part time Jisoo. But you are the last person in the world to overthink on something trivial like this. Trust me, even if Joon and Yoongi are currently occupied, they are hyped to perform on stage more than ever. We'll rock this." Hobi gave her a nod of reassurance and Lisa sighed, fiddling with her fingers, agreeing to his suggestion.

"How's Jungkook by the way?"

".....distant."

"Sorry—?"

Lisa gazed at Hobi in shock at her accidental slip of words. The man only gave her a suspicious stare, lips forming a smug smile. "Knew it, I had an intuition that something was definitely bothering you....something that is not music."

After trying to look for a second excuse, Lisa finally halted after having brainstormed almost all types of possibilities at the given moment but couldn't come up with a single tantrum to twist the topic. Hoseok just turned out to be too witty to get outsmarted by her.

Thus, throwing her hands, she let her doubts out. "Jungkook has been acting kinda weird for the past few days, almost distant."

"Oh my god, did you two fight over anything?"

"Not as far as I remember."

"I thought so." Hoseok nodded, tapping the pen against the table, matching the beat of his track that played through the speakers. "The boy is too gentle and very much unlike your exes, if I'm not adding how swoon he is around you as a bonus point."

"Yeah, and that's the problem. He's just trying to look for excuses to not stay at home anymore, like he doesn't even stop by to wave me goodbye or anything."

"Damn that's not sounding like something he'd do. And if that's coming from your end, it does have to mean it's serious."

"Hey, what do you mean by that?"

Hoseok gave her a glare as he wracked through his head to formulate a reply, but proceeded to digress anyway. "Maybe he's upset over something you told him?"

"The last time we had a long conversation was probably two? three?...uhm, some...yeah, some weeks in the studio room for our usual 'dates' like he calls them," Lisa started, air quoting the term, "he was showing me some pictures he'd saved on his phone. Pictures of, specifically, engagement ring designs."

"Woah, hold your horses," Hoseok halted the tapping of his pen and pinched the flesh of his chin in between his thumb and forefinger, intrigued by the brief piece of information. "He did? I should applaud that he really has his way though. It's funny to picture you married, but it isn't impossible." He chuckled whilst Lisa rolled her eyes at the ridiculous comment. "Did you say yes?"

"Oh my god, no!" Lisa had an instant reaction, one that caused her to cough as her breath caught up in between. "He wasn't exactly proposing, but I doubt if he's getting influenced by Jisoo getting married, it wouldn't take him long to follow the path as well."

"Well Jisoo is technically his cousin so you might have a fair point. But what if he's actually interested in it, y'know, like getting hitched?"

"I did tell him that he was rushing a little too much since we're still not there yet, but his only response was that he wanted to know about my preference, if hypothetically, I were to say yes to him."

The corner of Hoseok's lips lifted upwards and he looked like he would coo anytime soon. "Lover boy is too much into it."

"Exactly, he's got hope that we'll make it that far."

"And I too think, you two would. You shouldn't see him in the same light as the other guys you've been with, Lisa. He's lasted longer than any of your past flings after all. And honestly I would never get tired of singing praises of how much I like the guy."

Lisa didn't react to his words, instead pondering what exactly her conflict was about, neither did it sound relevant to be addressed with Jungkook or interrogate him about his odd behaviour.

No matter.

It didn't even matter at the end of the day.

It did nothing more than coerce a jab of awkwardness that only came with their busy schedules and diminished time frames of meeting each other. Besides feeling some friction was only a phase that did come in every relationship at some point of time; maybe Lisa was feeling it as an outpour of burden over relaying her focus on other chores.

She agreed to her judgement in nonchalance, getting out of the apartment to head home.

— ➷ —

Jungkook stepped foot into an oddly quiet home. For someone who lived in the same space as a music-crazed artist like Lisa, the soundlessness was surprisingly eerie — of course it did, since Jungkook rarely got his silence. He walked in further into the foyer and closed the entrance door behind him, putting his shoes away in the shoe rack.

The only scanty amount of light sourced from the kitchen and dining area and that's where he found Lisa — sleeping soundly against the dining table. The transient amount of calm and relief receded soon after Jungkook looked around at the catastrophe of what the round table had turned into. Music sheets splayed around, creating a mess practically everywhere except for the small part of the surface. A casserole was placed towards the other end of the table, along with a plate and silverware, and a.... sticky note?

Reaching his arm out, he grabbed the note and skimmed through it, a smile unknowingly reaching to the corner of his lips. Well certainly, just a mere 'microwave at your own risk' shouldn't have elicited a reaction like this from Jungkook, it was the arrangement of the table top that intrigued him.

Though it was simply some leftover curry in a lukewarm casserole that Lisa usually managed to make if she were to sustain by herself, she had still put some thought into consideration as she'd left the silverware and the plate for him in case he still wanted to dine after returning from the party. His gaze landed on two other crumpled notes lying by the legs of the chair, eyes forming a thin sheen of gloss.

The two discarded notes conveyed the same notice, but somehow appeared to be decorated and written with some doodling involved. One of them even held an exclamatory remark and a little heart scribbled at the end. Jungkook's smile had widened.

He looked at Lisa's sleeping form over his shoulder, debating whether he needed to wake her up to announce his arrival. His arm extended towards her shoulder, halting midway as he fisted his palm.

Instead, Jungkook lifted Lisa over his back and scurried her into their bedroom on a hasty piggyback ride, laying her comfortably on the bed. Once that was done, he lit the table side lamp and glanced at the feeling of bliss and relief highlighting her facial features when he laid beside her.

There were hundreds of thousands of uninvited questions that spawned in Jungkook's mind. Questions that made his head feel heavy, questions that left him confused, questions he knew no answers to; his eyes scanned Lisa's in search of answers to his endless thoughts and Jungkook was finding it increasingly difficult to confront them verbally. He shook his head sideways in contemplation of his decision, before he turned over at the opposite end to face away from her — Lisa looked exhausted, and to wake her up from a heavy slumber didn't seem like the right choice.

Despite the many times Jeon Jungkook was convinced that he was utterly and deeply in love with Lisa as though if it were a secret that he'd shout from the rooftop of the apartment had Lisa let him do it, he never knew until today that he could be such a coward, apprehensive and calculative about his words as though he feared one wrong slip would culminate everything they had got going for the past one year.

Jungkook didn't understand why he allowed himself to constantly wind up in this position. He was aware that it was not good for him, since it left him feeling hollow each time his mind cleared and he always found himself craving for more.

Greed wasn't the right word to explain it; he yearned for her affection — a little something — anything that would hint that his feelings were equally reciprocated so that the probability of doubt would recede, yet he wasn't too sure of it.

He shouldn't have been feeling like this even after he tried to sort the weight of his vexed thoughts before his cousin Jisoo a few days ago. Jisoo — who, apart from being Namjoon's future wife, was also Lisa's best friend and notably, the Cupid in the making of their relationship.

— ➷ —

"But what 'more' do you want her to give you?" Jisoo asked as she wiped the counter platform after the closing hours of her patisserie while Jungkook offered to mop the marbled floor.

"I don't know, maybe a song or something about me?"

"A song dedicated to you....? Pfft—" Jisoo broke into a fit of laughter, the humour too exaggerated to allow a tear to escape from the corner of her eyes. "You're insane, kid."

"Hey, I just said a little something, not a billion dollar hamper prize to earn a reaction like that." Jungkook scoffed. "Hasn't Namjoon hyung written a song about you, noona?"

"He didn't make the slightest mention of me in the four long years we've dated and the only time he did write a verse was when he proposed. Did I complain though? Never, and that's how you should be okay with it too."

"Yah noona, you're missing the point here." The man leaned against the handle of the mop he'd been holding whilst he mulled over his thoughts. "You know, she's always been this cooler person between the two of us, almost too cool and aloof. Yeah and I know you'll bring up your arguments of how she replies to my every text, allows me into her mini studio in case we can't meet up for dinner dates and has me referred to as 'the boyfriend' on some of her instagram posts when it's not about music and that's all about it; there's nothing I have against her existing efforts, but somehow nothing seems to be tangible about us anymore."

Jisoo took a minute to frame her answer, deftly moving over to flip the chairs on top of the tables. "Hmmm. Well, if you're not feeling content, shouldn't you just look for a way to tell her? The same things you've told me, just talk to her about it? There's nothing laborious about it, because not only the two of you live together — you share your space with her, you admit that you love her so should that be bothersome if you share your thoughts, your feelings? Communication is the key when it comes to relationships and always remember, it takes two to mend the kind of problems that you've got."

"I don't know how she would feel about that, it's easy for her to misunderstand my words in a different sense and...." Jungkook fretted.

"....and to write you off as needy? Yah, don't be like that. There's no denying that you are the biggest simp she could ask for and you never know what she'd say. Who knows, maybe she could surprise you?" Jisoo chuckled as she completed Jungkook's half-assed sentence, earning a brow raised at her.

"What surprise?" A third voice asked.

Only a second later, Namjoon appeared in the scene, sliding his way from the back entrance. Owing much to his misfortune, the poor guy skidded past the cautionary 'wet floor' sign board, directly onto the counter — dropping a glass tub full of candy lollies as Jisoo frowned at the chaotic mess.

"Oh, hyung— are you okay?" Jungkook asked with widened eyes as Jisoo narrowed her gaze at her fiancé.

"Fine as the weather outside! Turns out my surprise didn't go as well as planned." He scratched the nape of his neck, unable to meet the glare of his (now) fuming girlfriend. "Alright, alright! I'm picking it up. Stop giving me that glare, woman."

"You know Kim Namjoon, I have lost count of the amount of destruction you've wrecked my place with, sometimes I really wonder what made me stay with you and your clumsy habits." Jisoo frowned as she was about to walk past him and get the broom and dustpan to clear the pieces of broken glass; only to be slipped into a warm embrace by her fiancé who gave her a puppy-face pout.

"Will you forgive me baby?"

She feigned a brief struggle against his hold for a bit and eventually gave into his hug, wrapping her arms around his back just as tight. She then whispered something into his ear when they pulled apart from each other and Namjoon pecked her cheek as she blushed, finally getting up to bring the broom.

All the while, Jungkook only stood at a distance, being a spectator of the silly display of affection with his side almond eyes that flooded his heart with warmth. As much as he was happy for the two partners to find solace in each other's love, it still bugged him that he couldn't display such affection with his girlfriend on a plainly regular basis. Particularly because Lisa hated PDA more than anything in the world, and no matter whatever Jungkook tried to soften up to her, he knew that most of her answers were well thought of or carefully calculated.

Jungkook couldn't deny with Jisoo's words when she meant he was heavily and blindly in love with Lisa; yet when his eyes peered over to find Jisoo playfully arguing over who gets to use the broom with an intense sheen of love in their gazes, Jungkook somehow wished to be in the same state as them — little dialogue but lots of tangible emotions.

And while he still held immense respect for her methodical sense of living her life with a calculated urge to achieve her strong passion, taking purposive steps as if she were afraid that something could go wrong at any given moment (provided that she had a long way to go with her career in this cut-throat industry to earn some high-end reputation) ; he found himself wishing that she would let go of her headstrong ambitions for a one brief time frame and maybe reciprocate the affection that Jungkook deliberately showered her with.

— ➷ —

The following morning, Lisa woke up to the rays of sunlight falling on her face — though she still felt groggy, she could sense a familiar cologne engulfing her. A sweet fragrance, one that came from fabric conditioners, a cologne that could only be described as him. She found Jungkook dozed off to sleep beside her, allowing a few inaudible snores to escape from his parted lips from time to time. Lisa wondered how an early bird could still be fast asleep when it was past eight in the morning, though she let him sleep; he looked like he needed it anyway.

When Lisa tiptoed out from the bedroom and scurried into the dining area, she found her music sheets were neatly piled up, a fluorescent green note pasted on top of the stack, on the surface of a translucent file.

Dinner was yummy, thank you for saving some for me.

Feeling giddy, she strolled towards the kitchen sink to wash the remaining dishes from last night, only to find them cleaned up and placed on the rack in her absence. Jungkook looked terribly exhausted but managed to clear the kitchen platform while she was probably drooling in her sleep encapsulated a feeling of warmth inside.

Considerate of him to do so, she wondered. Somewhere deep within even she knew about the missing sparks in whatever they'd kept going; she low-key hated it too. Lisa missed the smile that Jungkook carried every time they met; sometimes it felt ridiculous to think that they rarely crossed paths with each other despite sharing a living space with each other.

After having been through a number of miserable heartbreaks since high school, her dating timeline hadn't been the greatest of all time — a part of which could be blamed on her failing emotional quotient and her ill sense of communication.

Most of her exes had been hugely protective about her and to an extent, it felt controlling. The only reason her relationship with Jungkook had figuratively sustained for so long was perhaps ideal to the fact that he always valued her comfort, acknowledged her choices and hadn't rescinded his support, yet.

While sitting idly in her studio room, Lisa often wondered if this type of silence was a narrow indication that something (namely, patience) was wearing off with each day as they continued to live out of sync, waiting to erupt like an active volcano and wither the remainder of what was left.

What Lisa didn't think about was the thought that this fear was surreptitiously lurking in the dark and the day when the storm would touchdown wasn't too far.

— ➷ —

People weren't easily convinced with Lisa being a rapper. Most of the time, they'd mistake her to be a model for some high-end brands, or make an assumption that she was either Yoongi or Hoseok's girlfriend or simply a broke groupie who was in desperate need for money for her tuition courses. All that was until they would witness her take over the mic on stage and then finally make a connection that Lisa was the newly rising pop star 'Tomie' as the popular nickname the locals called her by.

Lisa seemed to know why that was so, majorly attributing that she was the only female in the crew with an amateur sense of popularity that stood nowhere close to the guys who already had established careers and were signed to other music labels — Namjoon and Yoongi responsibly looked after the music production in BigHit while Hobi also worked as a choreographer in the same company.

By using the boys as the contacts, it was easy to get into the music industry and get her big break all too soon; yet Lisa didn't go for it. For starters, she wasn't a fan of being spoon fed and have her achievements be labelled as ones only established via connections and kinships, while a part of her preferred working like an independent artist more than being associated to other labels that would normally do very little to preserve her creative freedom as if it were a regular nine-to-five corporate job that she couldn't stand. Moreover, she loved going on open mics and performing her self composed pieces to her heart's content, with no fear of being censored for the explicit genres she mostly focused on.

Also, it was quite the reason her dressing choices were a far cry to those a rapper would usually wear. The dresses that Lisa wore to stages came in vibrant shades of colours — be it lace, leather or silk that couldn't be categorised as any suitable adjective below provocative — and a multitude of extravagant hairstyling and loud makeup that popped all eyes on her whenever she performed. Over the years that she'd been on stage, Lisa had heard a gazillion of names people used to mock her, but she didn't care; her lingerie-style dresses maintained an image, one that was very unique and made her stand out from other rappers and helped exude an aura of confidence and power that couldn't be explained any other way perfect than that.

Sometimes even the three guys couldn't understand how and why she dressed like that, although they didn't seem to mind at the end without wanting to know the reason behind.

However, if there was one person who really did give an eye about these spectating details then it had to be Jungkook.

The man always watched with rapt attention every time Lisa would guide him through her littered wardrobe, he would carefully listen to the fashion tips that Lisa would tag in while trying out some of the outfits, explaining why only particular pairs of combinations went well with each other while the others just meant careless wardrobe malfunctions.

And so the evening when Lisa was getting dressed inside their cozy little home for her performance within a less than two hour time frame, she never expected Jungkook to stare at her reflection with silent rage seething through his nostrils. He looked terribly pissed but she couldn't pinpoint a finger at it; the angriest he had probably been was once when some drunk bastard had punctured his lovely car and that moment looked nothing like this one was.

"Something wrong?"

"Nothing? What would be, I always watch you dress anyway." He gritted through his teeth in a sarcastic tone, eyes locked with hers.

"Yeah, never denied that. But—"

"But what?" He suddenly interrupted her flow, causing her to face him physically for a brief second, pushing away her makeup to the side.

Lisa looked bewildered, wanting to escape the unfamiliar territory Jungkook had landed them in, the thickened tension in the room only hinting at an imminent argument which was the last thing she needed at the moment.

"But...you stop fucking looking at me like that? It's kinda irritating cause you're staring at me as if I seduced your best friend behind your back."

"Who knows, you might as well have..." Jungkook muttered in a light tone, audible enough for Lisa to hear — following which he exited the room to sit on the couch only to be followed by her a minute later. She positioned herself directly before him, seated on the wooden central table while he tried to avert his gaze to the floor in an attempt to dodge the interrogation.

"Don't you have some place to go and perform tonight?"

"None of us are leaving until you tell me what got you so grumpy. Jung— Jungkook, you can't even look at me right now."

Suddenly Jungkook shot his head up at her words, realising his patience was wearing thin and his attempts to calm himself down were flushed down the drain. "Your outfit...can you kindly enlighten me what gave you the idea to go with that?"

Lisa couldn't help but stutter, trying to process his words. He looked like he'd go and murder someone's dog over.... an outfit? "My outfit...? What's with—"

Jungkook opened his mouth to protest, letting out a tense sigh of disbelief as though it hadn't been as obvious as he had pointed out. "It's lingerie."

"I—what? A-are you out of your mind Jungkook?" A gasp of horror painted Lisa's shocked face and she was too stunned to conjure some words at Jungkook's absurdity. A slow realisation dawned upon her — her more-than-perfect boyfriend was, indeed, transitioning into one of her many controlling exes right before her eyes. And she didn't seem to understand why.

Clearing her throat to get his attention again, careful of handling the argument before it led to the worst-case scenario — a breakup — that she absolutely wanted to avoid at all costs. "I wear such clothing for shows all the time, you've never had a problem with that as far as I've known. Heck, you don't even mind me wear corsets. And why exactly are you mad over this one? It fucking covers more parts of my skin than all the skimpiest of performances outfits I've ever worn. Plus, weren't you the one to say you loved this when I wore it for the first time?"

"It....it was in a different context." Jungkook lowered his gaze, avoiding Lisa's line of sight.

"D-Different?" Lisa couldn't deny that Jungkook was hurting her feelings. He had never acted like this before, he had never been the one to spew mean words without actually meaning it. "Kindly tell me, how so." She stared at him dead straight in the eyes.

Jungkook bit his lip in anticipation of his words, hoping that nothing came out the wrong way to add salt to the already bleeding wounds. "Lisa," he commenced with some confidence, "you got that for me when you wore it for the first time six months back. You....you fucking had sex with me in that very outfit."

Dead silence.

Lisa didn't have to act surprised — she was well aware of the knowledge, after all, she had searched for the perfect black fit to present herself as a gift for Jungkook's birthday. It was the very night they had consummated their relationship.

It was not everyday to be met with such a sentimental present from his girlfriend and hence, that night had most definitely been an important milestone in Jungkook's life — one that he'd always remember. And so, after returning home from a tiring day at work only to be met by the same outfit that he believed was once reserved solely for him paired with an obnoxiously risqué set of matching boots and gold bracelet was the last thing he had expected to save his rued day. Truly, Jungkook had never been mad about her past outfits. But this one had some strong emotional sentiments attached with it, and they weren't possibly meant to be exposed to the whole world. The moment he got the idea of her plans to perform in that outfit, his blood boiled and he couldn't stand a second more to bear with the idea.

Though the skimpy lingerie held a greater emotional sense than just a materialistic attachment with itself, Lisa still couldn't figure out the problem. She had abandoned the set for over months and she had been expecting Jungkook to be happily jumping around for wearing one of his favourite sets, not to give her scornful replies instead. Moreover, she couldn't come to terms with him, of all the people she had dated in the world to fall into the simply destructive whirlpool of insecurity and jealousy that had ruined her previous relationships and permanently scarred her perception of love.

"So what? I've got it washed up, you don't need to worry about cum stains cause there ain't any on it."

Jungkook scoffed for the umpteenth time of the day while his brain sped on a frenzy as it wracked for words. "It's not funny; god, why do you have to be like this?"

"Be like what? Jungkook, I'm always like that. You are the one acting weird today, so stop rubbing it on my face for your silly delusions."

"Delusions? Look, I'm trying to be realistic, you're the one being crude. You can always change into a better outfit and I'll shut the fuck up if you want me to."

Lisa massaged her temples, getting up from the table and walking some distance. With exasperation heavy in her tone, she replied, "no."

"...What?"

"I'm not changing this. At least not until you give me a valid reason to."

"My reason was valid!" Jungkook stomped his feet, standing up. "Doesn't this dress mean anything to you? Have I been of any value to you?"

"Don't you dare patronise me, Jeon. How does me wearing this add up to not caring about you? It's stupid to ask me to change—"

"It's not stupid to ask for some privacy!" Streaks of fire ignited the rage in his eyes as though his throat had teared apart from the intensity in his voice and for a moment, Lisa actually felt intimidated about standing close to Jungkook.

"What's the fucking point of wearing this, when we are fighting like silly kids struggling for a tv remote and half of the goddamn people you're getting so dressed for, don't give a shit about your talent because those perverts are busy jerking themselves off when you go up on stage? Most of them probably don't even know you for music, is there never a time you've wondered why your songs don't surpass more than a couple hundred sound plays? The only reason I've been so supportive of you since the start is because your passion is real, but I fear it doesn't completely blind you when it is already eating away at your sanity!" Jungkook coughed, feeling a shortness of breath when he let go off his rant, his voice turned hoarse and half broken. He braced himself, lips still caged between his teeth realising that he had gone too far in his rage for a completely different reason and it was too late to fix at the given point of time.

"Enough!" Lisa held her palm up, shouting in frustration of the retorts she couldn't bear. Her eyes fought the urge of spilling away the tears that resulted as a personal stab to her heart. "You don't get to yell at me. If you really have so many issues concerning me that are so hard for you to deal with, then let's just not be together anymore, okay? Get out."

"You...you're really kicking me? Out of the house I pay rent for—"

Staring at him with a look like he was the most ridiculous man she had the misfortune of discoursing with, Lisa gruffly spoke. "Oh, right."

"Shit, sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

"No, I get that. I'm done with all of your bullshit and who am I to kick you out of your house, huh? You want me to leave, of course I'll do that."

"I didn't mean that....I'm sorry. Please, I don't want you to leave—" Jungkook watched with rimmed eyes, heart thumping and heated cheeks, unable to muster up anything to complete his words.

"Maybe it's too late then." Lisa took a large step back into the room while Jungkook quietly stood in the living area utterly wordless. He couldn't even look at her in the face when she walked out through the foyer with a stuffed gym bag (particularly, his) slung over her back and her classic pink jacket draped over her shoulder when she exited the apartment — although Jungkook did open his mouth as though he wanted to settle things down but he figured it wasn't the right time; not when he knew he had lost his patience and flipped everything by pointing a finger at her career. He stood by the balcony, gazing down at the woman he loved getaway in a cab five minutes later drenched in his own sweat, heaving for breath with translucent tears running down his face.

— ➷ —

Six days.

Six long days.

Six miserable days of Jungkook moping over with guilt.

He hadn't seen Lisa's face for six days since this whole fiasco happened; all of his attempts to make any contact with her were ignored. He could see that she was reading his text receipts which mostly consisted of a string of apologies but all of it was left on seen. If it weren't for him stalking her Instagram to have all his pictures still intact on her feed, he would've assumed that they had broken up. And given his current devastated state, he was really considering a break up; because then at least then it would've sparked some hope in his cowardly heart to win her back.

The pain that was encapsulated in Jungkook's heart now hurt even more strongly when he found three more songs released on Lisa's soundcloud — that were mostly in the theme of heartbreak; and for reasons unknown, he could sense her quivering voice in those tracks.

It's often believed that a person sees much or the totality of their life before their death; in a similar way, Jungkook saw the flashbacks of his time with Lisa flashing before his eyes whenever he played her tracks in a desperate plea to hear her voice.

He remembered the time he first met her and it was a love at first sight for him, about a year and a half ago when he shifted from his home in Busan to Seoul to complete an internship he had landed after his graduation with the prospect of his future job. His closest cousin Jisoo had newly inaugurated her patisserie and he had offered to help her by working at the counter part-time.

The first time he had probably seen Lisa was just a month back when the bakery hadn't been so busy pertaining to the fact that it was already past ten that night and the rush hours were over and it had been the time for closing like Jisoo had instructed him in her absence.

This wasn't quite the only reason why he remembered her; the early autumn months had everyone being covered in taupe pantones but not so the case with the girl who strutted through the glass doors wearing high waisted leather pants accentuating her perfect curves and cleavage pushed up in pansy pink knitted crop top. Jungkook felt everything around him was like a movie, the white lights blurred into a halo around her and the whole scene slowed like a dream.

Damn dude, Jungkook's conscience rebuked him: you're fucked.

She looked around for a bit when she approached the register, eyes twinkling brightly when she spotted the very reason she had been there for — a cookie crunch waffle in the menu. Even though it was past closing time, Jungkook still obliged with her request and proceeded to prepare the dessert; he added some crunched Oreos and diced a pinch of cinnamon to it to generate an authentic flavour of his own. Although Jungkook wasn't expecting a validation for it yet weirdly enough, Lisa seemed to love the combination.

It was then that he decided to reserve his version of the recipe exclusively for her, not only because he didn't wish to do it for anyone else, but also because his heart warmed up witnessing the way she would grab a mouthful piece as her lips would twitch upwards in a delightful smile. Jungkook was caught in a trance when he noticed the tender gleam in her eyes when she suddenly rejoiced and regarded him as her saviour in a sweet honey-like voice.

Since that very day, Jungkook knew he was smitten. Later when he got to know that Lisa was the same girl who was the newest addition in Jisoo's boyfriend Namjoon's band, he was even more rejoiced because that way his frequent chances of meeting her had increased exponentially. Somewhere, Jungkook felt that even Lisa knew that he had developed a small crush towards her given her reasons to frequent the bakery only when he was around for the specially reserved dessert as Jisoo would tell him.

At first, he was unsure of how he would approach her if he were to confess his feelings — somewhere deep down in the small space of his heart rested the infamous male ego, that refused to take the image of an adorable tryhard. So he tried to maintain a safe distance; he attempted to keep his banter light and lessen the affection, hoping that Jisoo would find a helper soon enough so that he would do away with his part, but it had been literally hard on this part.

The more he tried to push his feelings away, they still dawned upon him — stronger every time they returned. Partly because Lisa was easy to talk to, she often shared about her life in the small conversations they'd have whenever she visited the patisserie, and partly also because despite his judgements and beliefs that were purely innocuous, he did have testosterone in his blood — and it wouldn't change the natural tendency to be attracted to a girl.

So he decided to give it a try. Numerous attempts, even. He asked her out on a few instances, sometimes a stroll around the river, to the movies or museum dates, yet he never got a yes.

He never got a no for an answer either.

What he did get was a ready excuse of being busy, tired or unavailable, with a supplementary phrase holding the false entitlement: next time. The phrase was the only thing that kept him going, despite the sting of rejection he felt every time he was turned down. Naturally, he did get tired of waiting too — witnessing his sister have the perfect time of her life with her sweet boyfriend made him want Lisa even more.

However much to his surprise, he didn't expect Lisa to suggest a date from her side on a balmy Thursday evening at the patisserie. Jungkook had told her that he was finally landing a full time job which meant he would leave his part time job as his sister had found a helping hand. The date didn't exactly live up to its typical name — Lisa had invited him to a music shack she fondly called her studio where she would occasionally slide in without her parents knowing, as she was still two semesters away from getting her MBA degree yet. The hangout slowly weaved a thicker tension around the room, engulfing them in it and that's when Jungkook had an accidental slip of words — that he liked her (although he wished to admit he loved her but it would've sounded too condescending to begin with). The confession merely made way when he heard her unreleased track with explicit slurs and felt that her songs were an ironic contrast of her sweet looking angel face — that he'd like her either way.

Jungkook still doesn't have the idea of how lucky he'd been that day, because the moment his half-assed confession slipped past his lips, Lisa swirled around her chair while he fidgeted with an excuse to leave with embarrassment. As if she had read the hopeful expression in his mind, she jumped from her chair and found him staring at her lips with lidded eyes.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"Huh— sorry?"

He immediately averted his gaze, put off guard by her sudden question.

"I....uhm, yes, I want to."

He didn't wish to act cocky at the moment, but it seemed his conscience had jumped right off a cliff with no parachute in sight.

"Do you...?"

She gave him a silent nod of consent rendering him wordless — and so, giving her two slow blinks, he slowly and fearfully, etched close to her face till the point when the tip of his nose brushed against hers and he slotted his lips against hers in a warm kiss. The slow sensuality of the kiss had been short lived, because Lisa tugged her nails in his fluffy hair, signalling to deepen the kiss which he gladly obliged. A sigh of satisfaction escaped her lips when he dragged his tongue against the roof of her mouth before softly pulling away.

It was from that day onwards that Jungkook was officially courting Lisa, much to everyone's surprise. Yoongi promptly teased her a couple of times, calling her out for melting over Jungkook's radiant megawatt smile that was capable of making the most stoic person happy.

Then there was a time very early into the relationship, when Namjoon and Jisoo were fighting over him throwing a glass bottle at the end of the performance causing chaos to uproot the bar they had scored a gig in.

"Do they always fight like that?" Jungkook had asked Lisa while Yoongi and Hoseok already bid their goodbyes and left the place while Jisoo had been shouting at Namjoon for being so utterly careless while Namjoon argued back with a wounded cut on his palm. Of course every couple had small fights and Jungkook knew Jisoo fought with Namjoon — but he didn't know to what extent. And now when he was witnessing the whole fight for the first time, being prettified was merely an understatement.

"They do, all the time. Perks of dating a rapper, I guess, the environment around the industry is too harsh to sustain relationships, y'know."

Jungkook peered at Lisa wide eyed, taking the full implication of her words.

"Then when you look at these kids," Lisa stared at the entrance of the bar where some eighteen year old guys were stumbling out in their baggy wannabe rapper attire, "you only realise that it kinda gets worse the more established you are in your locale."

"But I want to." Jungkook suddenly thwarted in, as Lisa eyed him in bewilderment.

"Sorry?"

"I think I could handle this."

"What, being a rapper?"

"Gosh, no." He giggled, poking at her cheek. "We won't be like them, I can positively assure you on that note. I'm better than your exes."

Lisa lolled her head to one side, a lopsided smile tugging at her lip hearing his confidence. "Jungkook, it's not just about you being better than my exes. There's more to just jealousy — will you be okay if one day a dude made a diss track about me and called me whore in it? Will you handle those drunk perverts slapped my ass or tried to drug me—"

Jungkook hadn't taken a second more to think and formulate his answer. Instead, his arm wrapped around Lisa's waist as he pressed her body upfront close to him, stealing a brief kiss from her lips. "I don't care about it all. I just need you beside me."

When Jungkook jumped back into reality of how things had transpired in the future, his past self was mocking him for his own commitment. This situation was more fucked than a debt trap and worse than actual break up because it left him incredibly guilt-stricken and resentful of his behaviour and nowhere else to go.

— ➷ —

Jungkook slammed down his coffee mug, feeling assaulted by the bitter taste of the liquid contained in it. "What the fuck, hyung? Why is this so bitter?"

"It's Fernet. A strong drink for hard business." Namjoon replied, taking a swig from his cup. They sat on the breakfast table of the new apartment that Namjoon and Jisoo had moved in only a week prior.

"But in a coffee mug, like, have you guys not unpacked yet?"

"Well, your sister doesn't exactly entertain the idea of me juggling with her glass sets because she fears I'll destroy them, so I'm better off with this especially when she's out."

"Woah, okay." Jungkook quickly dropped the shutter on the conversation, realising the reason he had approached Namjoon was not to discuss trivial matters like drinking spirits in coffee mugs. Namjoon was the ultimate fixer when it came to discussing problems like this, mostly to account for his powerful control over words and his philosophical wit. Mainly the latter.

"Alright, so it's been like a week now?"

Jungkook whisked right away. "Eight days and counting."

"Ouch. Can you tell me what happened again?"

"Hyung, you already know. Why do you want to hear it a second time?"

"Because I asked for your side of the story. The only thing you sister only told me about was you guys going blah blah over an outfit and you apparently asked her to get out. I don't know what I'm supposed to make out with half the details missing."

Instinctively Jungkook threw his head back, trying to recount the imagery of the argument. He could instantaneously remember Lisa's sour expression and every negative word exchanged between the two of them that night. The hyper focusing did bring back the majority of what had occurred, but also managed to make his head hurt and his heart cry; he missed her.

"And then she just....left. We haven't talked ever since but now as I think about it, I really shouldn't have let her walk out like that. God, I am such an idiot."

"Hmm. I can't completely entitle you to that because there are certain times when the wrong things come out more easily when you're angry or vexed. You should not be worrying about it too much though, she still claims to be very much taken by you on her social media."

Jungkook had a lot of conflicting things to scream out before Namjoon but he simply settled down for a deep scowl. "But she wouldn't freaking speak to me."

"Sometimes I keep listening to her tracks on repeat just to hear her voice but it's not enough because it only makes me miss her more." Jungkook whined. "Maybe if we fought it out the same night itself, it would not have been such a dead cliffhanger like it looks now."

"Jungkook, you really understand that's stupid, do you?" Namjoon commented with a light laugh, putting a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. "Do you realise where you went wrong?"

"In explaining to her that I didn't want her to wear that dress out of every revealing clothes she has ever worn to stage?"

"No." Namjoon shook his head, nudging the younger male. "You have built this clear separation between Lisa and her stage persona in your head. What you do not realise is that Tomie or Lisa, both are still the same person. You can't have one without the other and so, unless you let go of this ideology you will only invite further troubles in this mess."

Jungkook suddenly turned his head towards his hyung, a look of confusion clear in his face. "I don't get you."

"Alright, let's think of it like this. Have you eaten these lemonhead candies before?"

"Uh-huh."

"Your girlfriend is somewhat like that; she's kinda like a lemonhead." Jungkook laughed at his words, thinking that Namjoon had been joking, yet that didn't let the latter from continuing his philosophy. "A lemonhead is a type of a hard candy they prepare by panning the sugar. Because of the lemon shell, it tastes sour from the outside. An impatient person would try to bite it down but that way they wouldn't thoroughly enjoy the taste. So in order to savour it, one has to patiently suck on it until the layer slowly breaks without you having to chip off or do away with a tooth."

The expression on Jungkook's face went more twisted than ever. "Hyung, I– I'm....stunned, you're such a pervert."

"What?"

"I'm really hoping what you are trying to imply is not a sex thing."

"Jungkook it's a metaphor I swear to god—"

"Fine! I'm sorry I won't find double meanings."

"You better not!" Namjoon deadpanned at him as Jungkook nudged him to continue. "The company that manufactures lemonheads also has varying colours and flavours catering to different tastes. The more you suck on it to expose the inner layers, you get to experience different subtle tastes that you probably wouldn't get if you'd simply bitten it down because there's more to what you can chew. But at the end of the day when you reach the core, you would realise it's still the same candy."

"Hyung," Jungkook muttered gruffly under his breath. "I'm starting to hate this metaphor."

"Patience, kid." Namjoon persuaded in a convincing tone, halting in between to take a sip of his drink. "You wouldn't hate it once you understand it. So as I was saying, Lisa is a sweet girl even though she got this cold, badass exterior that does more than enough to intimidate people. Didn't you say you fell in love with her at first sight alone? And obviously, you're not the first person in the world to do it; but you made a difference when you stayed because you realised she's more than just her pretty face. In the same sense, she must have different layers that can't be digested all at once — supposingly one layer might cook you dinner when you come home tired, and one layer that loves to dress out of stereotypes without thinking it could be inappropriate on not just one but many levels. Does it still change the fact that she's still the same girl you had first fallen in love with?"

"....No."

"Exactly. So if you had the patience while you were trying to pursue her, maybe you should also behold the time and uncover her layers. Quite simple if you really think about it."

Jungkook sighed, taking a sip of his drink to realise the taste didn't feel as bad as before. Amused, he tilted his head as a question jolted him. "So you suggest that I wait....until the day she decides to come back?"

"She hasn't technically left you yet."

"Hyung, this is so confusing, things were so better during the little break when she wasn't wrapped up in her Tomie persona." Jungkook exclaimed with a panicking tone as though he wanted to bang his head into a wall. 

Namjoon took a deep breath, pinching the skin in between his brows, shaking his head roughly. "You have to change the way you view her, Jungkook. You said you want only Lisa, didn't you? Then you must accept all her colours — even her Tomie persona that goes along with it. Tomie isn't just Lisa's alter ego, it's her. So if you don't like it, you might as well choose not to be by her side and be like the guys she dated before you."

Jungkook parted his lips to retaliate, but Namjoon's words had rendered him speechless. He couldn't resolve the guilt in his chest that the older man had opened his blind eyes to with his sagely words. On one hand, he respected Lisa's fiery passion and her sexually aggressive rap persona yet, he was also heart eyes for her soft, calm side that was reserved from the world's hungry eyes; and it was no surprise that he adored the latter side of her more. In his conscious mind, Jungkook thought he had never assumed Lisa into two separate identities but now as he processed his hyung's word-of-truth, he realised the scenario was truly the opposite of what he'd been thinking so far, so vague.

"I'm in love with her." Jungkook had his head resting on the tabletop, arms buried over his hair when first mumbled the phrase quietly. It was not a secret, everybody knew it. But still he felt like saying it, not to Namjoon but to himself; somewhere, somehow, maybe he had questioned this a million times in the past one year he had been courting Lisa.

Truth to be told, Jungkook had never thought about loving her — maybe he did have strong feelings of attraction when he first met her in Jisoo's patisserie, but he hadn't been sure at first if it was love. He had never even thought about love in general, in fact, or even tried to think whether he was capable of loving someone — romantically, that was. But the times he'd lived with her, though dwelled in silence, everything felt like it was in its proper place.

He turned his head, sitting upright to face Namjoon. "I love her hyung, I really do." He said, a sheen coating over his eyes, words embedding into him with a subtly greater confidence than the first time. "I was too confused to realise that loving someone doesn't mean to rain physical affection on them, maybe it means more than that. Sometimes I feel like I know Lisa but the very next moment she feels like a stranger to me — I don't dislike her Tomie personality — err, like you said, they are the same person. And I wasn't trying to control or separate her into two distinct images, but I just wanted her to keep something that didn't have to be part of her second personality for once, and I just—"

"I understand." Namjoon answered with a mild shrug. "Your sister confuses it to this day. But in the end, she has learnt after all our reckless fights and meaningless breakups, I will always be there for her. Maybe this is why she agreed to marry me."

Jungkook hummed at his judgement and wondered glumly over the conversation. "Hey hyung, if you talk to Lisa, will you explain that I was right in a way?"

"What?" Namjoon was baffled at the question but chose to reply smoothly. "You both were wrong, you realise that. So does she, maybe this is why she's so adamant in giving a cold shoulder to you. Neither of you were thinking of each other and that's not how the dynamics of a relationship should work; you can't be selfish." Namjoon's words were hit with a beat of silence in the air, prompting him to continue. "I've known Lisa for long, longer than I've known you. And I can say that I've come to hear how people judge her in public because that stage is not just a gateway to her fame, it's her way of battling stereotypes. In all the years that I've known of Lisa, I don't think she's ever been comfortable with someone for so long, someone who cares for her like you do."

Jungkook nodded slowly at Namjoon's words that unknowingly brought about a wistful smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Give her some time," the elder assured him, "I'm certain that things would work out between the two of you."

— ➷ —

"Have you ever been in love, Yoongi?"

Yoongi, who had been sitting quietly while trying to tune the strings of his guitar suddenly craned his neck to glance at Lisa sitting on the windowsill, with his eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"How long do you plan to sit around and wail like a baby in that corner Miss Tomie?"

"Yah, I asked you a genuine question!"

"Well what do you prefer I say? I don't do love."

"Do you intend to? Like someday maybe?"

"Maybe, yes. But that day ain't coming anytime soon when I have legends like you or Joon giving me a thousand reasons not to love someone. You're acting like you're sweet sixteen and this is your first heartbreak."

Lisa wished to open her mouth and render Yoongi silent, but she couldn't; she didn't have a proper reason nor a valid argument to get going with. Truth to be told, Lisa had a great understanding of how to get over guys after her miserably failing relationships, this wasn't a new thing for her. But somewhere, it still pricked her — a lot more than she could ever imagine. Just like in the past, music had always been a gateway, a coping mechanism she turned to in her times of grief.

So the only thing she usually did to vent her sour emotions out was to make a nice rap song and take all her anger out on the dumb assholes she had ever regretted being with all her life. It was easy to profit off emotions after all, and especially when they were so negative. With Jungkook though, the case was very different. Within a span of the first four days alone, Lisa had finished writing, composing and singing three different songs — having teared up in some parts while recording them. While her time with Yoongi and Hoseok had seemingly passed peacefully so far, she didn't feel right to force herself with them even if they didn't object to her presence for once.

"Hey, listen." Yoongi walked close and Lisa instinctively folded her legs, allowing him to sit at some distance on the edge of the windowsill.

"You know you, yourself are the biggest person holding yourself back." He mumbled, balancing a cigarette stick between his lips which could topple and slip out at any moment. "There's no dress code when it comes to going out on open gigs, but sometimes you really look like you would fuck anyone at the drop of a dollar or two."

Lisa was trancing out at the sight of the cigarette when she argued back,"wow, thanks for the compliment-cum-insult, I don't know how I should be taking it."

"It's an observation. I don't care if you dress like a whore, it's your personal choice to wear it. That doesn't rule out the fact that Jungkook did have a valid point. I mean, it would suck to have the whole world exposed to how your girl looks like when she's fucking you."

"Yoongi, I can't believe you! Are you seriously siding with him? He fucking had the audacity to drag my career and show how much of a rag show it is."

"I'm not siding with anyone! I agree that he shouldn't have done that but instead of finding his faults, don't you think you should give yourself a minute and think with a sane mind of how you would carry on beyond this? You can't be doing this forever."

"You know what's worse Yoongi? When I first agreed to date Jungkook, I wanted something that doesn't end up like my past affairs. He freaking promised me that he wouldn't be through his sweet gestures and guess what? I'm back to square one again."

"I–Goddamn woman, you're being unreasonably bitchy today. Here, take this and relieve yourself for fucks' sake." Yoongi got out of his studio room, not before he had pulled out his half smoked stick and shoved it at Lisa who happily took it, ignoring his mean remarks in favour of savouring her relapse.

Although Lisa had stomped away from Jungkook with a feeling of irritation and an angry heart beating loudly inside her chest, she didn't have the strength to face her audience that night. Instead, she stayed backstage while the boys performed their numbers, waiting to be escorted somewhere to some place to stay. It wasn't in her nature to extinguish fights at once — usually she was ready to fight and defend for herself till the very end, making sure to hurl out a few threats of violence and certainly enough, she never walked away. This one had been very different, not only for she had walked away on her own but also because she hadn't concluded the disagreements and continued on with the course of her life, simply because she couldn't bring herself to do it and boy did that hurt so bad.

It was a feeling all too familiar and all too uncomfortable; it was anything and everything she feared and didn't ever want in another relationship, it was everything that Jungkook had promised her not to be like. It still left her confused and agitated but vulnerable at the same time whenever she read past Jungkook's texts. Maybe she had not been clear enough about her lifestyle being a tough pill to swallow, to give him faux hopes.

So when Lisa first shared the whole incident with the boys, she didn't exactly expect the opinions to be so divided — literally going on opposite poles.

Yoongi, who usually kept away from all the relationship nonsense actually did have something to say on this matter — he chose to nose up on her outfit choice and reasoned Lisa's choice of holding up a grudge was pathetic for the poor guy who attempted to reach out to her in so many ways. Hoseok had plenty to say about Jungkook's behaviour and he was specifically furious on the part of him easily allowing Lisa to leave but at the same time, he wasn't exactly siding with her like he normally would; he felt disgusted with what Lisa wore taking into consideration the history associated with her outfit even if it was lingerie.

While Jisoo stayed surprisingly neutral on the matter with no strong opinions on either side, it was Namjoon who gave a clear cut opinion on the matter — his words worked like a huge jab in puncturing Lisa's ego without raising his voice or calling her names. He was the last person to put forth his judgement out of everyone in the mutual friends circle who were made aware about the trouble and taking acknowledgement that he patiently talked things out with Jungkook first before sitting with Lisa did not rile her up when he carefully pointed out her missteps until she felt smaller than the tiniest drop of leftover coffee in a coffee cup.

The concluding words of his little counselling session had managed to linger in her head for days, prompting her to finally sort out her shit with Jungkook.

They were somewhere along the lines of : "having known you for long, I'm aware that your equation with Jungkook is not something that you're used to and somewhere you might be feeling it too. There's no use of thinking over the damage that has already been done, but there are two ways to get rid of it, either by ending things or by improving them. Now that is completely your decision but let me also remind you that sometimes, it pays to be soft. You can't have a successful relationship if either one of you is going to be harsh all the time."

— ➷ —

Jungkook stared into Lisa's eyes as though he was seeing a ghost.

He really did feel like he was seeing a ghost though; it had been twelve days.

Feeling flustered by his hollow gaze piercing into her irises, Lisa choked out a brief "hey", while trying to look around the displays of the patisserie and the designs on the ceilings, in an attempt to avoid setting her eyes on Jungkook which felt like an impossible task considering he was sitting right across her. It felt odd to an extent too, because even if anybody believed it or not, she was blushing. She was getting all her college nostalgia while the minutes of unhealthy silence were ticking away, when she was in her cheesy, dreamy stances, shy and flustered with her quivering confidence.

The silence was prolonged by about two very tiring minutes as Jungkook continued to stare at her, studying the details of her eyes, nose, lips, hair or any unfamiliar changes to her face — it was important to do so, because twelve days was a goddamn long time. Once he was clear that physically enough, Lisa looked normal like he expected her to be, a gush of relief flooded through his system.

"Well hello, stranger." He quipped at her and though the tease wasn't that serious, the sarcasm in his poker face hit her harder than what she had intended.

"Stranger? So now I'm a stranger to you?"

"Well you tell me, I haven't seen you in what....twelve days?" He trailed off, the sacristic lilt in his voice was definitely giving her a hard time to deal with. It was true that she had been harsh on Jungkook specifically during this 'break' (if that was the relevant term), but Namjoon's words dawned upon her once again as she inhaled a heavy breath to extinguish the little fires erupting in the captivity of her heart.

"I'm sorry....I shouldn't have cut you off. It was wrong."

Jungkook's ears perked up at the sudden apology, shocking him at once; he was expecting more of a beating around the bush kind of apology than hearing the exact words because he knew Lisa's pride could never allow her to speak those essential magic phrases kids are taught in kindergarten. Leaning across the table he took her hand in his own, softly smiling when he realised that she hadn't pulled away. "I'm really sorry too. And though I have apologised to you over a thousand times, I want to say that I really mean it and you won't believe that I've cried—"

"It's okay." Lisa passed him an affirmative nod, looking down at his hands and giving him a gentle squeeze. "A sorry works just fine with me if you're okay with leaving things as they were, Hobi says we're idiots anyways." She gave him a close-lipped smile.

"To me, you're not an idiot."

Lisa looked up to match his line of sight. "What—"

"I've really missed you."

A clap resounded at some distance from an occupied table as Lisa rolled her eyes dramatically, spitting out. "Can you stop eavesdropping on us, Yoongi?!"

The said man sat up from the table, walking a few strides to their table as he patted Jungkook's back. "Must say you've endured a lot of patience man. I'm a free man now." A relieved smile rested on his lips as he walked out of the entrance doors and a confused Jungkook could see Lisa visibly tensing up at the sight of her bandmate.

"Asshole," Lisa grumbled as soon as it was clear that Yoongi wasn't in the vicinity of the shop. "He's a goddamn pain in the ass, he just wants me to move out from his apartment cause I've 'captured' his studio and stolen his non-existent peace of mind."

"Right now, he looks like he won a lottery of a billion won to me—"

"Oh please, he was nagging me every second in that place, he even accused me that I was using you for giving me the finest of waffles in town. Seriously, if I needed waffles I would've gone out and bought it by myself, nobody must be so fucked in the head to think I could risk falling in love for waffles."

Jungkook stiffened at once as he took in the full implication of Lisa's words. "Did you just say.....you love me?" He asked, voice increasing in pitch and mind still reeling her words over and over again.

"I—I...did n-not...." Her voice wavered for a moment as she took a deep, calming breath to redeem herself. "I said that I love the waffles you make for me."

".....Oh." The flicker of hope flushed down Jungkook's gut and his heart sank as he mentally kicked himself for keeping his hopes high when they weren't past two minutes of sending their apologies to each other. "Your waffles are better than Jisoo y'know, she can't make one as perfect as you do. Don't let her know it though, she might exploit your hidden talent for her selfish interests—"

"Yah! I heard that!" Jisoo stood in the middle of the kitchen doorway with a tray of pastries in her hand as she was preparing the front counter before opening her shop to the customers.

"Fuck me." Lisa scoffed under her breath as Jungkook signalled an apologetic gesture to his cousin in return, who simply rolled her eyes and went back to doing her work.

Biting back his disappointment from the previous momentary heartbreak, Jungkook swallowed back a lump of nervousness down his throat as he brought his focus back to Lisa.

"She won't dare to exploit me, my secret recipes are reserved for you." He leaned in close and whispered close to her ear and she melted away at his features.

Bringing her hand close to his lips, he placed a gentle kiss to the back of her palm. Glancing at his watch, he realised he was incredibly late. "Listen I'm running late for my job, I'll see you tonight after work, 'kay? I hope you're still having the extra set of house keys with you, hmm?"

"Yeah, I am. One more thing—"

"Huh?" Jungkook blurted while shuffling with his laptop bag. "What?"

"Promise me you'll bake me waffles. It's been ages since I've had them."

"Oh," The man broke into a small smile. "Deal."

— ➷ —

After all that had passed amidst all this chaos had summed down nearly three months later, with normalcy slowly paving its way in their lives again, Lisa arrived at a major conclusion she hesitated to introspect. She knew she wasn't perfect when it came to being in a relationship, because her experiences only taught her to deal with toxicity, increasing insecurities and mostly mental stress barricading the affairs of the heart.

Lisa was certain she never had many sincere feelings towards all of her exes which was the reason why she mainly spent filling the void of companionship with meaningless sex. There were more than one embarrassing occasions when her friends-with-benefits would storm into her practice sessions or even in her stage gigs, yelling at her for her lack of commitment. She didn't do much to help it though, mostly settling herself to ignore it. Lisa had come a long way in trailing after her dreams and focused on perfecting herself a lot.

Yet that feeling of shoving her emotions to the side and paving back to her way of life did not arrive with Jungkook. She really liked Jungkook. Plausibly, she could say that she loved him though she refrained from admitting it. It was a secret, nobody knew it. Maybe she could write about him in a thousand songs if she wished to, but she'd never make up her mind to do such a thing.

This was the mainstream pop industry; every artist, small or big — was under heavy scrutiny for their performances, their lyrics and the way they carried themselves. There were local-level journalists, commentators and critics hidden away among the audiences who would write long, manipulating reviews if they were perennially dismissive of the artists. Which was why even rappers like Namjoon, too, avoided jumping into the heavy pit of criticism by writing poetries on love.

Consequently, Lisa didn't want to subject Jungkook into heavy scrutiny and invite more troubles to blow up the healing scars in the bubble of their relationship. After all, it just took one wrong outfit choice to turn him almost into one of her toxic exes right before her eyes. She could never risk falling into another awful argument that could potentially be worse than the first one by only a reveal of some wrong sexually implied lyrics or maybe a wrong collaboration that wouldn't be as privy as he needed.

And yet as she sat on the kitchen counter on a typical and stared at the goofy man with a ridiculously cutesy bunny t-shirt, wiggling his hips as he prepared the icing for a new experimental waffle recipe on a typical Sunday morning, she knew at once that he was too precious; she didn't want to let him go.

"Yah!" He whined when Lisa dipped a finger in the frosting and smeared it across his cheek, earning a snicker from her.

He grabbed her by both wrists and brushed the tainted cheek across hers, getting the sticky cream whipped on her skin too. After a little food fight that took a wild turn of something definitely different from cooking, the whole fiasco ended with them cleaning the mess they had invited by themselves and Jungkook kissing Lisa all over her face.

Sometime later, when Lisa was still tweaking on some final parts of a track, she couldn't help but feel distracted by her boyfriend angling his phone in an attempt to click a candid shot. She didn't have to do much math to realise he was totally fucking with her so she kept her stoic mode on, but with her patience wearing thin, it wasn't too long until she completely halted all her motions.

"I'm working."

"Yeah, I know."

"Then put the damn phone away!"

"Not unless you smile for me one time."

"Jung—" Lisa ate up her words and geared up to throw a cushion to smack his phone to the floor but unfortunately, she missed her shot, earning a light-hearted laugh from him.

"What crawled up your ass and made you paparazzi?" She smiled at him nonetheless, while he continued to move his phone, angling it in different angles with subsequent clicks of the camera shutter.

"Woah, taking pictures of my girlfriend doesn't make me paparazzi." Jungkook explained, "and I don't even need an excuse cause I'm your number one fan."

"What do you even require my pictures for? Filling up your rarely active instagram feed? Enough photo sessions for the day."

Jungkook huffed, feigning his boredom when he mumbled, "these super cute pictures ain't going on sns. Gotta have some pictures at least for myself." It didn't take much time for Jungkook's smile to wear off from his face when Lisa scoffed in return, stomping away to the bedroom in anger.

A knock resounded only seconds after, following which Jungkook rushed in, Lisa turning her head away to avoid looking into his eyes. Though there were times Jungkook acted terribly goofy but when he transformed serious situations to earn a good laugh, his words insinuated more pain and hurt from the wounds that hadn't completely healed yet.

"Didn't know until today that my work time is also supposed to be kept private too." She scorned sarcastically as Jungkook rushed to explain.

"Baby, I solely meant that as a joke. I promise, I was just saying I didn't want to upload them on social media that's all, really."

"You do realise that your little joke is eerily familiar to—"

"Yeah I do, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me, I promised that I wouldn't commit the same mistake twice." He apologised, pulling at her wrist to divert her attention from the computer screen onto him.

Lisa heaved a tired sigh as her eyes searched for something in Jungkook's eyes. "You know Jungkook, sometimes I feel like you're the one that understands me and when I try to know how you feel about me, you always have something or the other to just....ruin it for me."

"Listen to me," Jungkook took Lisa's hands in his and cradled them as though they were fragile pieces that could break any moment. "You know how I feel about you, I didn't intend to hurt you like that."

"I don't know—"

"I'm in love with you." Jungkook sighed in one breath. Lisa's eyes widened with the same speed as her heart raced widely in her chest, realising what he had just confessed. It was normal for him to say things like love you on the daily, without adding much thought to it, but this one was different — because it held a much stronger, literal meaning associated with it. "And this is not part of the everyday i love yous I sing while clinging onto you, because it's true; I've loved you for a long time. And though you might not have the same feelings for me so I can't force you into loving me either. I'm willing to be patient, I'm willing to wait for—"

"You wouldn't try to barricade me to yourself if you genuinely loved me. It doesn't define love then." She whispered meekly, a statement projected more in the form of a question.

Jungkook was at a loss of words when he sensed the fear encapsulated in Lisa's voice. "I'm not. Who am I to even do that? I've never said you belong to me, I just wanted to tell you that you belong with me."

"Same difference."

"It's not," Jungkook sighed. He knew he had to get rid of this fear that was hiding in some part of Lisa's mind, restricting her from reading his heart. It didn't matter if he dipped his heart in gold and covered them with gemstones, she would lock it away in a treasure chest and abandon him in the sea. All he could guess was that if he let go of this today, she would never learn to love — not just him, but anyone who cared for her.

"You're a homie among locals — the rising superstar of Korea's rap industry. You are a free spirit, loved by everyone and owned by no one."

"Then what was that? On one hand you say you love me, and on the other you go insane with me not keeping things under the wraps. It doesn't work both ways if you say stuff like 'you're mine' thinking it gives you some sort of control over me."

Jungkook was beginning to look a little mortified when he heard her say this, it was now clear that her fear had been identified. "That's not how I meant it, so please hear me out." He started vaguely, pressing onto the matter. "That day when I begged to keep some things private, it was not out of jealousy but because I was upset. We just.... don't have anything, you know? It's true that we go out on a lot of dates, or just laze around on the couch, watching decades old romantic movies but these cheesy things are what all couples do. There's not something unique of our own, something like how Jisoo noona and Namjoon hyung have their brewing romance in the bakery. And I truly get that you have a passion to focus on, and that you can't stress over other things which are mere distractions to you. But sometimes it feels so lonely that I keep wanting something different, something....more."

Again, there was a prolonged period of silence. Namjoon's words rang through Lisa's head for another time while she grazed her teeth over her lower lip in deep thought. Almost suddenly, she stood up from the bed, planting her feet firmly on the floor as she scurried to the bedside drawer, pulling out a notebook with a few page markers all over it. The book was kept away in an unusual place and Jungkook was baffled at how unfamiliar it seemed from Lisa's other notebooks.

"You said you wanted more, so here it is." Lisa said, resting the book in his hands with a tad bit of hesitation. His eyebrows raised, wondering what it could be. A part of him that was scared of its contents; the other part of him was curious. So he looked.

There were random lyrics and unstructured phrases lying everywhere indicating there were some major parts that she had been facing trouble with. With every page that Jungkook flipped, he grew more and more intrigued by how different the lyrics were compared to the usual tracks Lisa composed for her stages. There was nothing explicit, only love splayed in its purest form. It wasn't only him saying it; there was a page which had the title of let's fall in love, the song looked more-or-less perfectly structured with completed verses compared to the rest. Lisa watched with a perennially fluttering heart as Jungkook skimmed past the pages, examining every single with utmost scrutiny and taking all the time in the world; her mind fleeted across the building, nervousness up her chest, vexed about all the pages he was still left to read and all the words he needed to understand.

By the time he arrived at the last of the few pages in the book, he was met by a bunch of doodles, some stray tally marks that he looked with a knitted furrow of his brows. One doodle in particular caught his attention — it was a bunny face, one of the ugliest and hideous shapes he had ever seen. It was clear to him that Lisa never quite had an exquisite forte for drawing, albeit the phrase written inside it was the one that counts, a neatly scrawled: I love you, Jungkook.

I love you, something that Lisa always had trouble saying. He let out a small laugh, garnering her attention as Lisa snatched the book away from him, craning her neck to berate him for looking into her doodles.

But before that could happen, she was instantly pulled into a kiss — a slow yet passionate kiss that allowed her to briefly return the kiss after the shock had died down. "You're in love with me." He teased, a wide smile on his lips. His arms wrapped around her waist, squeezing her into an embrace, delightfully as a subtle smile made its way to Lisa's face too. Jungkook had an extraordinarily contagious smile, after all.

"You're in love with me." He repeated in an almost accusing tone as his fingers softly brushed against Lisa's pink strands of hair, plucking some aside as he pressed a soft kiss to it.

"If you dare share it with anyone, I swear I won't hesitate to murder you." Her warning did not come out as elaborate as the cautionary was supposed to reflect from her words, because she was already blushing.

Of all her lyric notebooks, this one had never seen the day's light in someone else's hands. Even the guys were unaware about the existence of the book, because it worked like a secret diary for her — a closeted space where she could communicate the reserved feelings of her heart without a fear of being judged. The book was very special to her, a gateway to her soul — one of the most intimate, private possessions and she herself couldn't bring herself to believe on the idea that she had herself allowed Jungkook to look into the entirety of it, which was already a big step.

"Before you kill me, I need to know what all those numbers are at the end though."

"Numbers? What num—oh." Lisa avoided Jungkook's gaze as she stared down at her feet. "Those numbers.....those are days I've gone without lighting a stick, since you were really adamant on making me smoke-free—"

"You're quitting smoking for me?!! Oh my god, I must really be in a dream now," Jungkook meekly said as Lisa pinched him when he winced slightly in pain. "Ow!"

"I'm reminding you that my warning still stands loud and clear."

"How long were you hiding it? Tell me."

"The day since we got back together."

"So like....three months?" Jungkook exclaimed, looking like he was about to burst into streams of happy tears. "H-How did I get so lucky to find a woman who loves me so much?"

"Yah, stop it." She whined, her head hung low in embarrassment.

"Stop pretending as if you don't love me. I always knew you were a little softie at heart." He delicately cupped her face in his hands, his thumb tracing her cheek that had flushed into a visible shade of scarlet. When Lisa locked her eyes with Jungkook, she felt like she was instantly transported back into the time when she had her first date with him, in her studio.

"I love you, you love me, I bake you waffles and you write me love serenades. It feels so complete, I can literally have an outburst right now, I'm legit too overwhelmed you wouldn't even know." Jungkook spoke all giddy as he nudged his forehead against Lisa's, while she allowed herself to melt in the moment. "Thank you for trusting me with this, I love you."

"Waffles and love serenades," Lisa whispered softly; she could ascertain herself with the idea that her past self from a few months back would cringe at the cheesy moment she was having right now. But this was the moment that made her feel light from inside, a smile naturally erupting from the corners of her mouth as she continued, "these are part of our thing. And nobody — I say, nobody — can ever take this away from you or me. Deal?"

"Deal!" Jungkook squealed in the most literal sense when he hoisted her body up to her feet, softly pressing his lips onto hers as Lisa allowed herself to relish it.

No more explanation was needed to their story, the little gestures exposing away the slightest of fleeting moments of love that was enough to realise that there was no love lost between the two of them. Now that their story was complete, Lisa and Jungkook could love each other comfortably in silence.

FIN.
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→ the nights i've sweated to rush the fic before my bday lol :]

→ if some of y'all are wondering what made me choose 'tomie' as lisa's stage name, there is no definitive explanation for it. apparently i happened to see a thread of lisa as tomie on twitter and even though i haven't watched the anime series the character is from, the striking resemblance actually struck me and after having looked for a bunch of groovy names to fit some swag in her pseudonym, this name was probably the 6th or 7th one i stuck by the end.

→ although i had briefly drafted the whole layout of the document (figuratively speaking, i estimated to 25k words long, most parts of which were recycled into writing 'say yes' lol), this was intended to be released during the quarantine period which got over long back and of course, i lost my motivation to write it.

once upon a time i used to be very proud of it but now, meh idk ツ

the only reason i'm plugging the book is because i was feeling a bit guilty of leaving it out and since i'm finally clearing the unfinished and best out of waste projects in my drafts so voilà, here we go lmao. obviously it's unedited and not proofread so consider ignoring the mistakes, thank you.

if y'all had something to take away from this scenario or have anything to say about it, please do drop in a comment. i'll deeply appreciate :)💜
— authornim.