✨I'm ready to see past all your mistakes because that's how much I'm in love with you✨
I wait for him to come home.
I couldn't move from the stool for hours. Just held on to the pill bottle clenched in my hand. My head comes up with various results that I don't want to believe in.
The door opens and my back goes stiff. The first thing he notices is the tulips on the island. He smiles and makes his way to me. Kissing my temple and looked at the tulips again. "Gah, you make me feel all special, Curvy." His sweet sarcasm felt bitter for the first time.
He looks around his loft and then realizes "Did you clean this up?" The smile on his face was long gone. His gaze goes to his little painting corner and his jaw sets. I didn't expect that reaction honestly.
I nod in response and he's so quiet suddenly. Too quiet. He sighs and his eyes go to the counter where I bought him a new box of cereal because the old one was expired.
He huffs and walks to his fridge and opens it. Stocked. Not fully but with necessities.
He closes it and says without looking at me "Look, I appreciated it when you restocked the fridge last time I was not feeling well. I did. But you can't keep doing this, Lana. I don't like it." His voice was stern. I could notice the harshness he was holding back.
Maybe I shouldn't ask him about the pills. Maybe I should just stay quiet. That'll be better.
I'm about to put the pills in the pocket of my hoodie but I accidentally drop them. I didn't know the bottle cap was open because all the pills were splattered on the wood floor. He makes his way around the island to check up on me but stops a few feet away from me. Frozen suddenly. I look up and decided to ask "Why do you have these?" He smiles and shrugs as if it was nothing "They're stupid mints. There's nothing to it."
"I'm not dumb, Nicklaus." Yes, I am disappointed but I'm scared too. "Why do you have a bottle of unprescribed Valium?" I point at them "Are these what got you in the hospital? Are you on drugs?" Suddenly he looks scared as if a cat found itself near a moving car. I take the step "I'm not gonna be mad, Nick. I just need to know. It's okay if this is you. We can work it out. I can help. I'll try as much as I can, okay?"
Yes, drugs are a problem but instead of blaming him, I should help him first.
I saw his fist clench to his sides, his voice the calm before the storm "Are you snooping around my house, Lana?" And suddenly everything takes a 180 turn "Why have you restocked food in my house? Why did you clean everything? I didn't ask you. I didn't tell you to. I don't want you to."
I accidentally step on the pills and that was his last straw, crushed them under my weight "You are not my mother. You are not my wife. You should not care what I do with myself. You have no right to look around without my permission." I take steps toward him without caring about the pills anymore "I know. I'm sorry. But this is a great matter, Nick. Let me help you, okay?" I point at the pills again "This is not okay." I'm about to grab his hands but he steps back, raging at me, shouting at me "I'm not sick, Lana! I don't need sympathy. I don't need your help. I never asked for it!" My voice goes meek "Nick, please-"
"Why the fuck do you care?"
"Because I don't want you to fucking die, Nicklaus!" My voice broke and tears started spilling down my cheeks and I hiss at myself, wiping them away. Images of him dead started invading my mind. "I've been sitting on that stool for two hours waiting for you to come home. Fucking scared out of my mind. Every second felt like a knife twisting in my gut because I couldn't tell if you went out being high or not! My head created these dark images of you being overdosed on some fucking street that I don't know! So I'm sorry if I fucking care, Nicklaus. I'm fucking sorry that I care about you breathing!"
I started crying and because I don't want him to see me like this, I'm running past him to the door but he doesn't let me. Turns me around and pins me against it. I hide my face behind my hands and just cry out. Couldn't hold them in anymore. He caresses my arms and then pats my head. His voice was gentle "Lana, look at me." When I don't, he pries my hands off my face. I clench my eyes, biting my bottom lip to hold back the cris.
He holds my face and rests his forehead against mine, whispering nonstop "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, Lana. I didn't mean to be like this. I didn't mean for you to cry or get angry. I know you have good intentions in your heart. I'm just a fucked up man, okay? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He kisses me all over my face desperately. My wet cheek and nose. My chin and jaw. Brushing my hair behind my shoulder, kissing my neck "I'm so sorry."
He swipes my tears and pulls me into a deep kiss. I sniff and kiss him back. Holding him still by scrunching his shirt in my hands. Keeping him close. When he pulls away, I chant to myself "You're alive. And you're okay." He smiles "I'm alive." He kisses me again and pulls me to his chest as I cry even more "It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lana."
X
It takes me a little time to stop sniffing. Tears were dried on my cheek and my nose was runny that I kept cleaning it with the back of my hand while laying on him on the bed. He held me, kissed me, and apologized many times. I stayed quiet. Didn't have it in me to even speak a word.
I sniff again and he brings a tissue to my eyes and nose. Dabbing the wetness away. Kissing the top of my head numerous times. Whispering "Are you okay?" I shake my head and just bury my face in his chest, tightening my arms around him even more.
The pills were still scattered on the floor downstairs, and I badly wanted to flush them down the toilet without even letting him know. I should've done that when he wasn't home.
I look up at the mirror above us. My eyes were red and shiny with tears. My nose was redder than a tomato. My lips were puffy. My gaze goes to him and he's staring back at me through the mirror. A stern look on his face but his eyes were oh-so-soft.
He turns me to my back and hovers over me. His hand against my cheek, kissing the tear stains and then my nose as I sniff again. He mumbled on my bottom lip before pecking it "I'm sorry."
I drag my hand from the nape of his neck to inside his curly hair. Scrunching the soft curls between my fingers. My voice was hoarse from crying for too long "Why?" And suddenly my vision is blurry again. He looks me in the eye "I can't tell you today. I'm not ready and I hurt you a lot today. I'll tell you. I promise I will. But not today, Curvy. I can tell you're already putting me in a distance right now."
He kisses my cheek and pulls my shirt from my stomach "I can't handle this distance. Not when I want you so bad in every way."
He whispers against my stomach "I don't like this distance." And kisses it. Kissing every inch of my skin. Trailing his kisses to my ribs and then under my breasts. I sniff and close my eyes.
I don't like this distance either.
X
We lay naked on his bed. Our skins were sticky from sweat.
We even ate naked on the bed because we just didn't want to let the other go. He didn't want to let me go.
Words weren't much spoken, but now and then, we touched each other for comfort. Too hurt to even say anything loud.
Or maybe I couldn't talk and he just wanted to give me space?
He kisses my forehead and links his fingers with mine. I ask "Oh, I forgot to ask." I look up to him "Why were you in such a hurry today?" A smile spreads over his lips "A gallery owner wanted to meet with me. The same one I told you about. He's reserving his gallery for my art at the end of this week. I sit up suddenly and the sheets drop down to my waist, exposing my chest. His eyes linger at my breast but I keep talking "You're having your show?" He nods and makes lazy patterns with the tip of his finger on the valley on my breasts "I'm having my show. He liked the paintings but there's one problem."
"What?"
I feel as he draws a heart and then a star "He wants one of the paintings to stand out. A big picture of something that inspires me. And he doesn't see any of it in my other paintings. So I only have three days to show it to him."
"You think you can get it done by them?"
"I know I can. I just don't know what should I paint."
"What inspires you, Nicklaus Darkling?"
He looks into my eyes for a moment, I could see the gears turning in his head. He asks himself the question in a lazy way "What inspires me?" A lazy smile spreads "You." I bat his hand away and his eyes widen that's he's sitting up suddenly. Almost near my lips "What if I paint you? We can give it a try." I shake my head "No, I don't think the gallery owner will like my face." He leans in closer "Well, I love your face. He asked me to paint what inspires me and I've been inspired by you since Corsica."
"But-"
"Oh, please. Please. Please. Please." He pouts and I snort at how cringy he looked.
"But how?" I ask and he pecks the corner of my lips "Same idea as seven years ago, Curvy. Naked and in silk sheets. Let me try it. Please."
My one nod has him attacking me on the bed and pecking my lips nonstop.
Oh, boy.
•••••
Swipe up!⬆️
Swipe up!⬆️
Swipe up!⬆️
Love, Hope
♥️♥️